Why Music Fans are Inherently Terrible

[Sigz]

Saw this in my school newspaper the other day, figured it was relevant:

When you’re talking to someone about what kind of music you like, it can be as treacherous as bringing up politics or religion. Most people hold the music they enjoy as sacred, and many do so to the point of fanaticism and fundamentalism.

What might be surprising is how similar all music fans are, despite their favored genre. For instance, while a few of my friends and I listen to metal like Korn, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, etc., most of my friends listen to rap, hip-hop, indie music, or (ugh) dubstep. I have found that it does not matter what music you listen to: most music fans fall into the same three archetypes. These are the Snob, the Hipster, and the Zombie.

Let’s start with the snob. Snobs are the kind of people that would say Marilyn Manson is not technically metal; he is actually “goth-synth,” or something like that. Most people won’t care, but the Snob will hound you about these definitions and subtleties — like a nerd finding out you thought it was Dr. Spock, when he is actually called Mr. Spock.

But it’s not just isolated to nerds or metal fans. You’ll see the same thing with fans of hip-hop, talking about the differences between “gangsta rap,” “old school rap,” “crunk,” “whatever Eminem is,” etc. The same goes for electronic music, and the subtle nuances of “dance,” “house,” “trance,” “euro-trance,” “dubstep,” “post dubstep”… need I go on?

We’ve all been in these unfortunate conversations where, no matter what you say, you’re always wrong. That’s because Snobs are terrible and nobody could care less that Korn is actually “nu metal,” not just plain old regular metal.

The simplest way to describe the Hipster is to say he or she hates everything mainstream. If a band gets a record deal of any kind, or any sort of radio play, they are “posers” and “sell outs.”

Now, do not confuse the musical Hipster with “hipsters” of the flannel clad, horn-rim wearing, terrible facial hair variety (although these are also terrible). Instead, this is an all-encompassing term signifying music fans who seek out more “underground” bands that are “pure,” rather than “mainstream.” This usually means listening to strings of EPs that sound like they were recorded on a fucking phonograph circa the 1800s.

Metal Hipsters might seek out obscure death metal bands from Norway, where everyone still wears pale KISS-esque make-up and studded leather. Hip-Hop Hipsters might seek out limited release LPs that make NWA look like MC Hammer. And Indie Hipsters… will just seek out terrible music.

My issue isn’t that Hipsters love underground music — there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s that they dismiss other bands based solely on their general accessibility and no other criteria.

Finally, there are the Zombies. These are people who claim to not have an opinion on music, and who “only listen to the radio.” This is pretty much the reverse Hipster. They only seek out what is popular, listening to Top 40 plus what TRL would play if it still existed. Popular music is just as okay as underground music. However, like every other music fan archetype, the Zombie takes it too far. I remember a classmate who’d buy a new CD and then brag about how he only listened to the disc’s three or four singles for hours on end.

I knew a girl who had “Single Ladies” playing in her car on a loop, on her iPod on a loop, as her ring tone (which pummeled our eardrums incessantly), and then had the audacity to turn it up whenever it came on the radio.

I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter how catchy Beyoncé is — that’s overkill. The Zombie has no musical opinions of his or her own and never strays from the comfort zone of popular, accessible music.

Either there is one of these music fan archetypes in your life, or you are one yourself. I know I am.

But harsh as I might sound, this article isn’t meant to separate, but rather to bring together. In the end, I hope you realize that it does not matter what type of music you listen to, or what kind of fan you are.

Deep down, everyone is terrible.

[Ravenheart]

[Liberation]

I probably fall as the definition of "snob" by saying this but I don't really care:

metal like Korn, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, etc.

Not thinking that anything that's loud is metal doesn't count as being a snob to me but whatever. Not very clever article (to say the least) imo.

[Ryzee]

I don't think I fit into any of those categories.  I'd probably fall under something like "totally awesome guy who, regardless of his opinion at any given moment, is always correct."

[Gadough]

I think it's safe to say that everyone on DTF is a snob.

[Sigz]

I think it's safe to say that everyone on DTF is a snob.

Well, everyone except me of course.

[Liberation]

Also, I've no clue about rap and I definitely don't like most of it, but I think even I could easily tell the difference between "old school rap" and whatever crap is the rap played on MTV and similar. Either I'm hyper-snob, or this article is heavily based on weird misconceptions.

[Sigz]

Also, I've no clue about rap and I definitely don't like most of it, but I think even I could easily tell the difference between "old school rap" and whatever crap is the rap played on MTV and similar. Either I'm hyper-snob, or this article is heavily based on weird misconceptions.

I think you're taking it a bit too seriously.

[Liberation]

Well... I have a tendency to do that, yes. But I can't help it.

[Sigz]

YOU SNOB

[Liberation]

YOU VERY HIPSTER

ha, I win!

[Ryzee]

I think it's safe to say that everyone on DTF is a snob.

Well, everyone except me of course.

Ahem.

I don't think I fit into any of those categories.  I'd probably fall under something like "totally awesome guy who, regardless of his opinion at any given moment, is always correct."

[Sir GuitarCozmo]

I thought for sure, when I saw the thread title, that the answer was going to be "because they for some reason feel the necessity to make an earth-shattering big deal out of the goings-on of their favorite musicians, when 1) it isn't really any of their business, 2) it isn't really of huge impact on their day-to-day lives, and 3) the goings-on have already been discussed to the nth degree, instead of, you know, moving on with their lives and realizing there's much more important things to spend their time, energy, and emotions on."

Not that that would be my response, of course, I was just guessing that maybe that was going to be the answer.  I guess I was way off. 

[Jamesman42]

I'm definitely not a Zombie or Hipster, but I'm wondering if I am a snob. I personally don't care much about genre naming or sticking to particular styles for the sake of the style. I have musical opinions, sure, but I don't think I fit any of what that article said.

That said, great article.

[ariich]

Eh, I'm not any of those three categories, but I can probably think of a lot of people who fit roughly into one or another.

[zxlkho]

I definitely fall into the 'Snob' category.

I'm okay with that though.

[Zook]

I probably fall as the definition of "snob" by saying this but I don't really care:

metal like Korn, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, etc.

Not thinking that anything that's loud is metal doesn't count as being a snob to me but whatever. Not very clever article (to say the least) imo.

If Slipknot isn't metal, what are they? Definitely not Hard Rock.. Unless you're going to call them Heavy Rock or something. They may not be very appealing, but they're a metal band for sure.

Korn and Manson? Not so much. They're just shit.

[ACID_FOX]

I'd say I'm a combination of the first two, but not as extreme as either.

[Jaq]

The funny thing about the Snob is apparently that classification is responsible for roughly 97.6% of the music reviews written online.

Remember when we had heavy metal? Just heavy metal? Oh, sure, by the 80s we were starting to get a wide enough spectrum of metal that the occasional modifier was needed-thrash metal, speed metal, death metal, black metal-but you could call Motley Crue and Celtic Frost heavy metal bands and most people would get the point.

These days? Oh boy, these days. These days a band isn't a band unless it has at least three or four different modifiers to the base genre. "PostSludgeMetalgazeCore." (You laugh. Just wait, someone, probably a writer for Terrorizer Magazine, will coin it.) Sometimes you can have two bands separated by the slightest of differences with two utterly different sub-sub-sub-genre names.

It's gotten insane. I'd rather live in the world where Slipknot and Korn are called heavy metal than live in the world where a band with seven words in its name is called "extreme melodic crust gazecore."

Mind you, I grew up when any remotely progressive metal band was described as "they sound like Rush," so YMMV. 

[LieLowTheWantedMan]

I am most definitely a snob.

[AcidLameLTE]

I guess I'm a snob but I don't really care what genre people think they a band is unless they say something really stupid like:

"Why do you like The Offspring? I can't stand heavy metal".

Someone has said that to me.

[Liberation]

I probably fall as the definition of "snob" by saying this but I don't really care:

metal like Korn, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, etc.

Not thinking that anything that's loud is metal doesn't count as being a snob to me but whatever. Not very clever article (to say the least) imo.

If Slipknot isn't metal, what are they? Definitely not Hard Rock.. Unless you're going to call them Heavy Rock or something. They may not be very appealing, but they're a metal band for sure.

Korn and Manson? Not so much. They're just shit.

I can accept Slipknot as metal (although on metal-archives they probably burn people on stakes for that but I don't care) but kinda lol at the other two. I'm definitely not a trve orthodox methvl defender, but on the other hand saying everything that's any heavy or loud is metal is even worse than being overzealous with genres.

[ACID_FOX]

The funny thing about the Snob is apparently that classification is responsible for roughly 97.6% of the music reviews written online.

Remember when we had heavy metal? Just heavy metal? Oh, sure, by the 80s we were starting to get a wide enough spectrum of metal that the occasional modifier was needed-thrash metal, speed metal, death metal, black metal-but you could call Motley Crue and Celtic Frost heavy metal bands and most people would get the point.

These days? Oh boy, these days. These days a band isn't a band unless it has at least three or four different modifiers to the base genre. "PostSludgeMetalgazeCore." (You laugh. Just wait, someone, probably a writer for Terrorizer Magazine, will coin it.) Sometimes you can have two bands separated by the slightest of differences with two utterly different sub-sub-sub-genre names.

It's gotten insane. I'd rather live in the world where Slipknot and Korn are called heavy metal than live in the world where a band with seven words in its name is called "extreme melodic crust gazecore."

Mind you, I grew up when any remotely progressive metal band was described as "they sound like Rush," so YMMV. 

I don't tend to break bands down into genre too much, but as a result I have Tool, Between the Buried & Me, Opeth and Dream Theater all under Prog Metal on iTunes. Now broadly speaking that's correct, but at the same time they all sound like very different genres.

[Zook]

I probably fall as the definition of "snob" by saying this but I don't really care:

metal like Korn, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, etc.

Not thinking that anything that's loud is metal doesn't count as being a snob to me but whatever. Not very clever article (to say the least) imo.

If Slipknot isn't metal, what are they? Definitely not Hard Rock.. Unless you're going to call them Heavy Rock or something. They may not be very appealing, but they're a metal band for sure.

Korn and Manson? Not so much. They're just shit.

I can accept Slipknot as metal (although on metal-archives they probably burn people on stakes for that but I don't care) but kinda lol at the other two. I'm definitely not a trve orthodox methvl defender, but on the other hand saying everything that's any heavy or loud is metal is even worse than being overzealous with genres.

It's not about how loud a band is that makes them metal. There's loud alternative rock bands out there. Metal bands just have a distinct element of sound and style that separates them from being Hard Rock.

[ZBomber]

I used to be a HUGE music snob. Just ask my ex-girlfriend. 

But no, don't i don't think she would like that




I grew out of it, thankfully. There is still music I don't like, but I don't really care what other people listen to and am generally pretty open minded when it comes to music... although I have to be honest, shit like brokencyde makes me want to punch the fuck out of people

[Liberation]

It's not about how loud a band is that makes them metal. There's loud alternative rock bands out there. Metal bands just have a distinct element of sound and style that separates them from being Hard Rock.

I know, that's what I meant. Yet some people just consider anything that sounds more or less heavy or loud to be metal for whatever reason, and this article definitely is an example.

[ehra]

Considering the entire point of having genres in the first place (being able to easily differentiate between and categorize different types of music), I think that if a significant enough amount of people feel that a musician falls under a certain genre then there's not much practical point in trying to argue otherwise; no matter how many reasons you feel you have for why they're technically X instead of Y. If the difference between two separate categories is small enough that most people can't distinct the difference then there's not much use in the distinction.

[Liberation]

There are some occasions though where the commonly used genre for a band is... questionable at best imo. katatoniadepressiverock

[1neeto]

I'm a cross in between snob and hipster, and I'm okay with that.

I call korn and Marilyn Manson alternative. I have no problem calling slipknot metal.

[The King in Crimson]

I'm definitely a snob with a sprinkling of hipster. I don't look down on popular music, but I do get a certain feeling of satisfaction that I'm a fan of bands that most people probably haven't even heard of.

[ZKX-2099]

I'm none of the above... I listen to prog.

[Ultimetalhead]

I guess I'm a snob but I don't really care what genre people think they a band is unless they say something really stupid like:

"Why do you like The Offspring? I can't stand heavy metal".

Someone has said that to me.

Eh, to be fair, The Offspring have much more in common with metal than any other punk band. Still a pretty dumb statement though.

I guess I'd fit into the snob category, but that might be more of an OCD thing than me just being an asshole.

[Zook]

I guess I'm a snob but I don't really care what genre people think they a band is unless they say something really stupid like:

"Why do you like The Offspring? I can't stand heavy metal".

Someone has said that to me.

Eh, to be fair, The Offspring have much more in common with metal than any other punk band.

I wish they would have listened to Calvert DeForest

But yeah, Their first album is definitely metal influenced. I wish they didn't suck now.

Also, I'm most definitely a snob, but not to the degree of the article. I'm just picky.

[Zantera]

I would probably be a mix of snob and hipster, while not being much of any of them, I do recognize a few minor tendencies here and there.
As for the whole "mainstream"-music part, I don't really dislike music if it becomes popular, but I'm more of a person that prefers more 'unknown' music.
Popular-music just doesn't do much for me, because many of the songs are constructed in a way that the listener will hear pretty much everything the song has to offer on the first listen, because it is designed for radio-play.
I more prefer songs that grow with each listen, and where I can find new 'hidden' sounds etc.

[Sketchy]

I can't be a hipster, as I regard Dark Side Of The Moon to be one of the best things ever made, although I do certainly delight when I find a band no-one else I ever seem to have come into contact with has heard of.

Probably a snob, but then again, I only really bother about the subtleties when it comes to explaining to someone just how wierd the band I'm trying to insinuate that they might like is... Other times I just tend to describe things as "I like it" or "I don't like it" or even "THIS. IS. AMAZING", as there's not really much overlap between a lot of the stuff I listen to other than I enjoy listening to it... Oh, and this instrumental parts (even under the vocals, if there are any) have to be nice.

One reason I hate a lot of the music on the radio at work: I can't stand that horrible pulse-synchronised synthesizer they seem to use a lot. Sure, I love synths, but I hate that one.