How to not go crazy at work, or, LHK is a terrible person

[LeeHarveyKennedy]

I work for a cable company. Somebody has to.

One of my favorite nights to work is on Saturday nights when there's a UFC event. Once you weather the storm of people calling in to order the event, the night gets calm as people settle in to watch grown men pound each other into a bloody pulp. Since we have TVs set up to show us the stats for our call center or troubleshoot issues with channels, we can also order these PPVs and spend the night watching them. It makes work go by a lot faster, as you can imagine.

Now, I don't really care for UFC. I enjoy watching it, but I know none of the rules, and gun-to-my-head I can maybe name 5 active fighters. To me, it was dudes beating each other up, and occasionally a guy wearing gloves will break up their hugging. Until recently.

I have only one TV in my field of vision, and I have a guy a few pods down who uses that TV solely to watch the call center stats. If I'm watching UFC, he can't see how many people are available to take calls, and if he's monitoring that, I don't get to watch concussions happen in HD. We log into the same program to control the TV, so he thinks that if he logs in and cancels the feed, he wins. I don't feel he understands who he's messing with. If there's one thing I like more than watching fights, it's screwing with people's heads.

When it started tonight, I would give it a few minutes before I'd put the feed back on. He'd always cancel it, get to watch stats for two or three minutes, and then I'd get back to the fights. But I've slowly been whittling away the time I wait, down to about thirty seconds. The last time he tried to take it off, I immediately clicked it back on. What he saw was the UFC feed disappear, the screen go black for two seconds, and pop right back up with the fight.

His scream of frustration was epic. No one, including him, knows it was me. I think I won.

tl;dr Lee hates people, so he makes them unhappy.

[Jamesman42]

First

Haven't read this yet, but when LHK starts a thread, you must read it

[ScioPath]

 

[Jamesman42]

Holy crap

[black_biff_stadler]

It's a good thing that your threads are generally satisfying, LHK, because otherwise the OP would suck since it's the only time you can't augment the subject line with a quip of your own. Sure you can go back and edit it at a later time but the fact remains that the subject line in the OP will always mirror what the thread title is displaying as in the GD directory.

Funny stuff though. I approve.

[hefdaddy42]

People still order PPVs by phone?  We do that with our remote.

[black_biff_stadler]

People still order PPVs by phone?  We do that with our remote.

The Dumont network just ain't with the times.

[LeeHarveyKennedy]

People still order PPVs by phone?  We do that with our remote.

Our intelligent, well-informed, paid-up-to-date customers order with their remotes. For all the rest, there's me.

[Ravenheart]

Ah, the little things in life.

[orcus116]

I understand its purpose but I can't get it out of my head that PPV is anything more than a relic of the 90s.

[lonestar]

I respect your sadistic nature, LHK, and if I was a co-worker, I would blow you daily just so I would remain safe from your evil ministrations.

[Sketchy]

Ah, screwing with people's heads. The ones that take longer are always fun, as the frustration is more impressive to behold.

[hefdaddy42]

People still order PPVs by phone?  We do that with our remote.

Our intelligent, well-informed, paid-up-to-date customers order with their remotes. For all the rest, there's me.

Ah.

[Gadough]

Every time LHK starts a thread, I anxiously check to see what he changed the post title to, only to realize that's impossible.

[jsem]

 

[ZBomber]

 

If I could have a drink with anyone from DTF, it would probably have to be LHK.

[LeeHarveyKennedy]

If I could have a drink with anyone from DTF, it would probably have to be LHK.

No you don't. It starts fun, then I get depressed and start talking about the women who don't want to fuck me, and finally I get gleefully destructive. Actually, it's a lot like having sex with me, now that I think about it.

[Jamesman42]

^The truth. Yet i come back every Saturday night to that thinking he will change. I stopped baking him things a long time ago.

[Orbert]

I love doing stuff like this to people who deserve it.  Superior intellect and superior technology are a dreadful combination.  But there's one part I don't understand.

No one, including him, knows it was me.

How is this possible?  There are only a certain number of people who can change the feed to the monitor, correct?  There are a finite number of people even working there on a Saturday night, only some of whom care about what's on that monitor, and fewer still who would change the feed to something non-work-related.

I'm just trying to fully understand the situation, so I can fully appreciate the depths of your evil.

[Sigz]

I was under the impression that the guy didn't understand that other people could still control the TV when he was logged in, thus he wouldn't suspect that anyone else was responsible.

[Orbert]

It's confusing.  There's this:

We log into the same program to control the TV, so he thinks that if he logs in and cancels the feed, he wins.

If more than one person can log into the program, then more than one person can control the TV.  If the co-worker cancels the feed and thinks he wins, but LHK can just log in and pull it up again, then co-worker is an idiot for thinking he's won in the first place.

It really sounds like a high-tech version of fighting over the remote control, with one party not aware that the other also has control.  That's why I'm wondering why LHK knows exactly what's going on, when the co-worker apparently remains clueless.