Does God want you to reject on the basis of looks?

[AndyDT]

What's the general rule in a spiritual/religious sense regarding looks and personality in finding a mate? If you're getting on well with, say, a woman you're dating where do you draw the line?

I'm thinking would a woman go out with me if i didn't exercise enough or was overweight?

I've seen a lot of men going out with "big" women and to be honest sometimes I think they're fairly attractive (the women).

Also I know that looks mean nothing in serious dating terms unless they reflect the spirit/inner person etc.

I've been on dates or had some dates with women who are probably overweight but if the situation was reversed I'm thinking they wouldn't even look my way.

But each time I'm prepared to keep seeing them because I can't find a reason to reject on the basis of looks that isn't ego (what other think of me?) particularly if they have nice personalities and we can relate.

So where are you supposed to draw the line?


(Incidentally when I say God I mean your God whether that's the creator or your conception of reality and truth)

[MasterShakezula]

Generally, whether you're attracted or not, in terms of her looks, is based on personal preference.  And, you know, whatever floats your boat is set to sail. 

I would say it's an issue if you're judging a person's moral character or the worth as a human by their appearance, for a couple of examples. 

[Jamesman42]

Thread title: Nope. Not sure how you could come to any other conclusion but "no."

In my experience, being overweight hasn't stopped me. Luckily I can be overweight and still look decent from what I've been told, and I have dated 4 girls in the last year and a half and have had about a dozen more confess they like me.

So looks are just something very subjective that doesn't involve God unless you are specifically asking God Himself about it.

[AndyDT]

I've always assumed that if I wasn't looking my best or making an effort to not be overweight then a woman would find me unattractive/even less attractive.

[Jamesman42]

Well, of course some women don't find me attractive. But even the "hunkiest" guys still don't attract all women. Some women actually like guys who are messier or chubbier, even very attractive girls can get like that (trust me lol).

It all boils down to personality. I like to make girls laugh once I know them well, and I am becoming successful with getting through school and doing something with my life, and I have a respectful personality IRL, and girls seems to like that. It's not all in looks...looks are the first thing you'll ever see but it's not like the only thing you'll ever do with someone is look at them in real life. Interactions do a lot more than looks could ever do in most cases, except for those superficial girls.

[MasterShakezula]

And in those cases, you either need to be a Guido or rich.  Preferably both.

[ScioPath]

Evolution does.

[Jamesman42]

Evolution does.

[AndyDT]

Evolution does.

I don't believe it does really. There's too much evidence I've seen for cooperation to think that.

[El JoNNo]

Evolution does.

I don't believe it does really. There's too much evidence I've seen for cooperation to think that.

It does if you are referring to specific species or situations. Is that 100% a part of evolution? no. However attractiveness is not necessarily "beauty"(*as we see it), it could be, dancing, mating calls, size etc.. Or in the human case, personality.

Too the original question no I do not think I know of any religion that judges based on "beauty". Just race, gender, your place of origin, what you eat etc etc etc.

[j]

Only if she's like 250+ lbs.

-J

[Major Thirteenth]

What's the general rule in a spiritual/religious sense regarding looks and personality in finding a mate? If you're getting on well with, say, a woman you're dating where do you draw the line?

I'm thinking would a woman go out with me if i didn't exercise enough or was overweight?

I've seen a lot of men going out with "big" women and to be honest sometimes I think they're fairly attractive (the women).

Also I know that looks mean nothing in serious dating terms unless they reflect the spirit/inner person etc.

I've been on dates or had some dates with women who are probably overweight but if the situation was reversed I'm thinking they wouldn't even look my way.

But each time I'm prepared to keep seeing them because I can't find a reason to reject on the basis of looks that isn't ego (what other think of me?) particularly if they have nice personalities and we can relate.

So where are you supposed to draw the line?


(Incidentally when I say God I mean your God whether that's the creator or your conception of reality and truth)

If what you look like in the mirror makes YOU uncomfortable, than you will have a problem in your relationships, since all relationships are an extension of yourself. Fortunately, how you look is entirely up to you. Some people are genetically blessed and can not look ungood. However, the amount of improvement possible even for an ugly person is such that nobody ever needs to be at odds with his reflection. If you eat right and exercise, and do things each day to make you proud of yourself, you WILL look good to many others, and the rest will fall into place nicely.

[Adami]

Do you and Praxis just get super pissed off whenever they make another Robin Hood movie?

[rumborak]

However, the amount of improvement possible even for an ugly person is such that nobody ever needs to be at odds with his reflection. If you eat right and exercise, and do things each day to make you proud of yourself, you WILL look good to many others, and the rest will fall into place nicely.

Nah, sorry, that sounds all nice but it's just plain not true. While I agree that for the vast majority of currently ugly people your point holds true, the truely ugly are plain ugly. It's a physical handicap.

rumborak

[senecadawg2]

No.

[rumborak]

Regarding the OP, here a message straight from God: "Andy, stop bugging me for everything."

rumborak

[Ħ]

This is a question I thought about too.  IIRC the only "requirement" that God tells us must be there is that they have to be a believer.  I'm thinking that's in one of the Corinthian epistles.  The rest is up to you.

[AndyDT]

What's the general rule in a spiritual/religious sense regarding looks and personality in finding a mate? If you're getting on well with, say, a woman you're dating where do you draw the line?

I'm thinking would a woman go out with me if i didn't exercise enough or was overweight?

I've seen a lot of men going out with "big" women and to be honest sometimes I think they're fairly attractive (the women).

Also I know that looks mean nothing in serious dating terms unless they reflect the spirit/inner person etc.

I've been on dates or had some dates with women who are probably overweight but if the situation was reversed I'm thinking they wouldn't even look my way.

But each time I'm prepared to keep seeing them because I can't find a reason to reject on the basis of looks that isn't ego (what other think of me?) particularly if they have nice personalities and we can relate.

So where are you supposed to draw the line?


(Incidentally when I say God I mean your God whether that's the creator or your conception of reality and truth)

If what you look like in the mirror makes YOU uncomfortable, than you will have a problem in your relationships, since all relationships are an extension of yourself.

That's an interesting point. I sometimes, thank god less these days, see myself in times when I've been in excess - eating, drinking, isolation, porn etc. Shame is one of the lowest emotional states so any projections of that might be influential.

Fortunately, how you look is entirely up to you. Some people are genetically blessed and can not look ungood. However, the amount of improvement possible even for an ugly person is such that nobody ever needs to be at odds with his reflection. If you eat right and exercise, and do things each day to make you proud of yourself, you WILL look good to many others, and the rest will fall into place nicely.

Yes, I'd like to think anybody can purify and cleanse.

[AndyDT]

Regarding the OP, here a message straight from God: "Andy, stop bugging me for everything."

rumborak

You stay in contact with God as you live and breathe but I agree sometimes He/She definitely says "you know this", "this is down to you".

[soundgarden]

Evolution does.

I don't believe it does really. There's too much evidence I've seen for cooperation to think that.

What do you mean evidence for "cooperation".  "Cooperation" is an evolutionary development; as one animal inadvertently "discovered" (and I use "discovered" very lightly) that working together solves problems easier.  Attractiveness is biological and evolutionary.  As a peacock flaunts his feathers he is more likely to attract a mate so the same as a woman with wide hips is more likely to attract the eyes of a male human because we are biologically coded knowing that wider hips results less often in miscarriages.   (Of course human imagination and self-awareness have added so many layers on top of this very basic biological agreement).

So go with your gut, date who you are attracted to (and in our modern society, who you are also politically, socially, and maybe even financially compatible with)

Even for the religious folks out there; why would god build us with the ability to procreate with any human yet be restricted to only certain group. 

[Tick]

I'm too good looking to know the answer to the question.

[AndyDT]

Evolution does.

I don't believe it does really. There's too much evidence I've seen for cooperation to think that.

What do you mean evidence for "cooperation".  "Cooperation" is an evolutionary development;

Depends what you mean by evolutionary. Evolutionary in the sense of the universe evolving or theoretical? Consciousness enables humans to make their own choices influenced by society or higher beliefs e.g. religion. Media and commerce can discriminate against people who are genetically very "fit" and cultures can have systems for facilitating even forcing mating partners.

[AndyDT]

However, the amount of improvement possible even for an ugly person is such that nobody ever needs to be at odds with his reflection. If you eat right and exercise, and do things each day to make you proud of yourself, you WILL look good to many others, and the rest will fall into place nicely.

Nah, sorry, that sounds all nice but it's just plain not true. While I agree that for the vast majority of currently ugly people your point holds true, the truely ugly are plain ugly. It's a physical handicap.

rumborak

So what would you do then as a presumably ethical person if you weren't sure you were attracted to a woman?

[rumborak]

I can only speak for myself, but in most cases an unhealthy body also coincides with a lifestyle that is vastly different from mine, so I do not feel bad for not dating them. I don't think there's anything shallow about it, just as long as it doesn't become your prime objective. In many cases has the the physical appearance taken the backseat in the attraction to a girl for me, or even overridden an initial "not what I'm really looking for". It's a factor, that's all. If it deviates vastly from what I am looking for (e.g. obese) clearly she doesn't share my interests such a sports and the outdoors.
And regarding the look of a girl's face, I especially don't feel bad about that, because I'm known amongst my friends to be attracted to girls many others don't. So, I certainly don't feel bad about rejecting some others

rumborak

[AndyDT]

I can see that and I don't make it my prime objective either. What if she's into the stuff you are but isn't treating herself well - e.g. food, drink, even drugs? I've seen someone a few times and she keeps going on about food and alcohol as if's something to brag about and they're big parts of her life! But I get on well with her.

[sneakyblueberry]

In answer to the OP: No way does God want us to reject anyone based on looks, if we are to be like him then we must judge by character.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

I can see that and I don't make it my prime objective either. What if she's into the stuff you are but isn't treating herself well - e.g. food, drink, even drugs? I've seen someone a few times and she keeps going on about food and alcohol as if's something to brag about and they're big parts of her life! But I get on well with her.

I would say that these issues are less to do with her outside appearance and more to do with what she values in her heart.

[AndyDT]

That was my "gut feeling" - to look for the heart of things, to mix metaphors. I want to be sure before breaking anything up (if I have to) that it's not for vanity.

[Tick]

Looks are great but they will fade fast  if the person you are with is ugly inside.

[Chino]

Raise your hand if you have NEVER rejected someone based on looks.

[alirocker08]

Raise your hand if you have NEVER rejected someone based on looks.

*Raises hand*

In fairness though, I have never rejected anybody.

[Adami]

Raise your hand if you have NEVER rejected someone based on looks.

*Raises hand*

In fairness though, I have never rejected anybody.

Sup?