Ask a gay guy anything (about the gay experience)

[Zook]

Haha, I don't know seriously. Never really listened to her. I prefer Celine Dion LOL. I know that's very gay, but understand that "prefer" doesn't mean "like" here. 

There's nothing gay about liking some Celine Dion.... I love jamming to The Power Of Love


Oh wait.... "Jamming to" isn't a cool thing to say anymore.

[Ben_Jamin]

Do you think you have a different criteria for making friends than straight people?  I know there are stereotypes of gay people mostly having female friends, and that's mostly what I'm referring to.

That's true, a lot of gays have a lot of female friends or other gay friends. Other mostly have straight friends. I think it depends on your overall life, your background, where you live, where you work, your lifestyle, etc. Personally, I think the more flamboyant ones get along better with females/gays than with straight people.

Also, when you're gay, the thing is... you will have crushes on your hot-looking straight friends. The same way straight guys can have crushes on their hot-looking female friends. I'm NOT saying that every gay guy wants to bang all of his friends. It's just that you have to be careful because it becomes easy to fuck up a relationship with your straight friend.

What types of prejudice have you faced (if any)?  Assuming you're open about it, how did family/friends handle it when you told them?

I've been very lucky, I've never faced any prejudice in my entire life. I think that might come from the fact that you wouldn't know I'm gay if I didn't told you, so the people I meet in my everyday life don't assume I'm gay. And the fact that I come from a very open country, where being gay is not really seen as "weird" or abnormal... Most people don't think anything of it, gays just exist. My family and friends took it very well when I came out. Everybody was surprised, but I never heard anyone say anything negative about it. Of course, it's not that easy for most gay people, like I said, I've been very lucky as of now.

Ask away if you have any questions.  

Are you a stereotypical flaming flamboyant effeminate gay guy?  Or you are a normal guy who is just gay?

I'm just a normal guy. I can safely say that before I came out, nobody suspected me of being gay. You probably wouldn't know if you saw me on the street, unless you had a very good gaydar lol. One negative thing about it is that most of the time, I have to let people know I'm interested in them first, otherwise they probably have no clue I'm gay unless they already know/someone told them.

Related to Hef's question, do you consider yourself leaning towards masculine or feminine?  In other words, are you a guy who just digs other guys, or do you feel like a chick who happened to be born with a wang?  

Definitely leaning towards masculine. I feel like a real guy inside, dress like a guy, act like a guy... I just happen to prefer other guys more than women. Otherwise I'm 100% normal lol.

Do you find the prospect of getting it on with a lady revolting, or have circumstances given you some leeway in that regard?

One could say I'm maybe 20% straight 80% gay. I've had girlfriends, had sex with ladies, liked it but didn'tt feel super exciting. In the right circumstances, I would do it again. Like, being a bit drunk, and with an exceptionally hot chick haha.
Personally, I don't think sexuality is black or white. i think it's more of a gray spectrum, where everyone falls somewhere in between, some more in the middle, some at one side or the other. The thing I've noticed since I've been "out" is that a lot, and I mean a whole f*cking LOT of people are kinda bi.
Most are not 100% bi so they'd like to be equally in a relationship with a male or a female, but a lot of people are somewhat curious sexually. Again, the fact that you can accept it and come to terms with those feelings depends a lot on where you come from, your upbringing, the people around you, your values, your religion...
Being openly gay and not really flamboyant, I've had a lot of guys talk to me about being curious and things like that... maybe they don't feel threatened when talking to someone who is a bit like them.

I only have one question since I have a good amount of experience with the GLBT community.




Seriously.............what's the deal with Barbara Striesand?

Haha, I don't know seriously. Never really listened to her. I prefer Celine Dion LOL. I know that's very gay, but understand that "prefer" doesn't mean "like" here.  

Everything you said is exactly the way I am. It was funny coming out to my friends that I'm bi, they all said "you are?" and I said "could you tell?" they said "no." I talk to them sometimes about this, and I tell them its hard to explain but it just happens that I get moments when I get those feelings or desires or just act that way for some reason. I've never ever gotten prejudiced against either, so it must be that people associate gay with flamboyant. Yet, their buddy next to them might be but hasn't come out.

[Dr. DTVT]

Thanks for your openness and honesty calmar.  Hopefully your answers will remind anti-LGBT that you are just like heterosexuals and deserving of equal treatment.

To add the answer to sneakyblueberry's question, there are women who enjoy anal sex as well, so anyone is capable of enjoying it.

[Quadrochosis]

Question: What does it feel like knowing that a fairly large portion of Americans distrust you, dislike you, or don't feel you are equal to them (or any combination of the three) simply because of your sexual orientation?

[73109]

Home is your favorite song?

I like you.

[Heaven Outcry Angel]

how sexually promiscious are you i hear gays have no concept of monogamy

not judgeing you btw its a life choice it has nothing to do with morality

[tjanuranus]

how sexually promiscious are you i hear gays have no concept of monogamy

not judgeing you btw its a life choice it has nothing to do with morality

WHAT? If they had no concept of monogamy why the hell would they be fighting for marriage rights for so long?

[Heaven Outcry Angel]

you can have sex even when married silly.... I do

[73109]

So you are openly admitting to cheating, or saying you bone your wife?

[Heaven Outcry Angel]

we both have sex outside of our relationship and we are both a-okay with it

[73109]

Well, I can't judge you.

[Heaven Outcry Angel]

Thank you

[ClairvoyantCat]

we both have sex outside of our relationship and we are both a-okay with it

o/

[Adami]

i hear gays have no concept of monogamy

What an insulting statement.

[73109]

I've kinda given up on saying anything. I mean, you'd think that years of that stereotype being put to rest, it would die in some people, but whatever.

[Heaven Outcry Angel]

i hear gays have no concept of monogamy

What an insulting statement.

I said thats what i HEARD not that its the truth. which is why Im asking. Im going to assume "no"

[Chino]

The college I went to had a lot of gays that attended. One thing I always noticed..... When in conversation, I notice that many do a slow blink and then look up and to the left. Is this something that comes along with being a homosexual or is it a trained action? (I feel weird asking this and hope it doesn't come off as offensive. I'm being completely serious.)

[Heaven Outcry Angel]

The college I went to had a lot of gays that attended. One thing I always noticed..... When in conversation, I notice that many do a slow blink and then look up and to the left. Is this something that comes along with being a homosexual or is it a trained action? (I feel weird asking this and hope it doesn't come off as offensive. I'm being completely serious.)

I think they just get bored talking to you

[hefdaddy42]

The college I went to had a lot of gays that attended. One thing I always noticed..... When in conversation, I notice that many do a slow blink and then look up and to the left. Is this something that comes along with being a homosexual or is it a trained action? (I feel weird asking this and hope it doesn't come off as offensive. I'm being completely serious.)

I think they just get bored talking to you

You are rapidly outlasting your usefulness here.  Straighten up and fly right, and play nice with others, or go away.

[calmar]

Question: What does it feel like knowing that a fairly large portion of Americans distrust you, dislike you, or don't feel you are equal to them (or any combination of the three) simply because of your sexual orientation?

People usually don't have a clue I'm gay until I tell them, so I might not be in the best position to answer that question from a personnal standpoint, but I never really felt "inferior" because of this. Of course sometimes it sucks (no pun intended...  ) to know that some people would think less of me if they knew my sexual orientation. Even if I'm pretty open around my family and friends, I don't brag about it, and don't feel like I must tell everyone I meet... I guess that's why I've never really encountered any negative reactions. (yet)

[Quadrochosis]

Ah, forgive me, but I meant "you" in the like, "entire community of homosexual people" kind of way. Like, what is it like knowing that a fair portion of people don't like gay people because they're gay.

[j]

^In my experience, even people who are like the ones you're describing change their tune when they actually meet a gay person and realize they're just people, not horrible demons hell-bent on destroying family values.

-J

[Aramatheis]

Home is your favorite song?

I like you.

Already been said a few times, but thanks for taking the time and effort to answer all these questions Calmar, it's quite nice of you, and very informative

[dethklok09]

Sorry if this has been asked before in the thread (I haven't read through all of it) but do you find enjoyment out of yourself? Like are you attracted to yourself so to speak?

[calmar]

Ah, forgive me, but I meant "you" in the like, "entire community of homosexual people" kind of way. Like, what is it like knowing that a fair portion of people don't like gay people because they're gay.

It's sad to know actually. It's about time people start to realise that sexual orientation doesn't matter at all, and that gay and bi people are just normal folks.

Home is your favorite song?

I like you.

Already been said a few times, but thanks for taking the time and effort to answer all these questions Calmar, it's quite nice of you, and very informative

My pleasure!   

Sorry if this has been asked before in the thread (I haven't read through all of it) but do you find enjoyment out of yourself? Like are you attracted to yourself so to speak?

Haha, good question. Even tho I'm a guy and I like guys, I can't say I'm "attracted to myself" lol because well, I'm me. Sometimes I look at myself in a mirror and think "oh, that guy doesn't look too bad" but that's pretty much it. I was gonna add something about jerking off but I think it's pretty off-limits for that kind of forum hahah. 

[j]

Are there gay dudes who do as much passive-aggressive stuff in relationships as some women tend to do?  Assuming you have experience with both (I think you said you did earlier in the thread, but I could be misremembering).

-J

[lordxizor]

Is it annoying to have to "come out" to people? I'm straight but didn't need to make an announcement about it, so it seems to me like making a big production about it would be strange. Or do you just simply make a casual comment about having a boyfriend or something and hope people catch on?

[calmar]

Are there gay dudes who do as much passive-aggressive stuff in relationships as some women tend to do?  Assuming you have experience with both (I think you said you did earlier in the thread, but I could be misremembering).

-J

A lot of passive-agressive bullshit, yeah. But it depends on the kind of guy. It's like, some gays are like real men inside, they think like men, etc... Some other are really like women tho, like they have a woman brain in a man's body. In my experience, the more flamboyant ones tend to be like that (overall, I'm not saying everyone is like that). A lot are in between, like a mix of both.

Is it annoying to have to "come out" to people? I'm straight but didn't need to make an announcement about it, so it seems to me like making a big production about it would be strange. Or do you just simply make a casual comment about having a boyfriend or something and hope people catch on?

If people ask directly, I won't lie. If we happen to talk about it and I feel I'm with open minded people, I will probably let you know. But I'm not going "HEY I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU" with everyone I meet. Nobody tells me "hey look I'm straight" so I'm not sure why I'd need to announce it to everybody.

[Arch Benemy]

Sorry if this has been asked before in the thread (I haven't read through all of it) but do you find enjoyment out of yourself? Like are you attracted to yourself so to speak?

[lordxizor]

Nobody tells me "hey look I'm straight" so I'm not sure why I'd need to announce it to everybody.

That was kind of my point. Just curious if it is something you feel like you need to announce to people once you get to know them on a certain level. Sounds like it just happens naturally, which is how it should be.

Does it seem wierd to you that a thead like this even needs to exist? I couldn't see a person of a particular race starting a "Ask a black guy anything" or "Ask an arab guy anything" type of thread.