FADE IN
so there is a woman and she is on a hospital bed surrounded by doctors + nurses, her feet are in stirrup things for her feet
she is screaming as a doctor says
DOCTOR: push!!!! push!
just then the grim reaper (death) walks (floats??) in and knocks over an iv bag with his scythe (accident?
?)
the doctor turns and says
DOCTOR: who are you you can't be in here
REAPER: no nevermind me it is okay for me to be here i'm just going to sit right over there okay
DOCTOR: nurse please get that man out of this room
the nurse grabs the reaper and immediately falls down dead
[[laugh track from audience]]
BIRTH WOMAN: what do you want what are you doing here
the reaper rolls a fat blunt and says
REAPER: i am here for the baby to start the death process
BIRTH WOMAN: death proces-AUAUUAGH [[baby pain]]
REAPER: yes death process
DOCTOR: you need to focus or babby will die
BIRTH WOMAN: what do you mean by that death process
the reaper sighs and takes a puff of [[legality under review]]
REAPER: you know, when it comes out of you
BIRTH WOMAN: it's going to live though, right
REAPER: yeah i guess so i dunno lady i just show up to start the death process
BIRTH WOMAN: and how do you start it exactly
REAPER: the birth, the birth is the start of the death process
BIRTH WOMAN: that is an awful thing to call it
REAPER: hey don't blame me lady you're the one giving birth to something knowing full well it's going to have to die one day, what do you think happens to all that death
reaper exhales and leans forward
REAPER: this guy, that's what. supply and demand. you supply the lives i supply he deaths that's how it works
DOCTOR: poooosh (push)
REAPER: look lady just hurry up okay the officer is almost here
BIRTH WOMAN: officer what officer
REAPER: the officer of the law who comes in and gives the baby an expiration date, i have to be here for it to know when to come for the kid's death. well, not it's death as a kid it could live longer than that i don't know you get what i'm saying
BIRTH WOMAN: AUAUUAGHH
DOCTOR: it's crowning
REAPER: yep that's great doc can we speed this up lots of births and deaths today same thing i guess
an officer of the law comes in he has a big mustache
OFFICER: okay where's the baby
REAPER: she is being very slow, i am having a NANCY of a time trying to get this shit done today
OFFICER: oh okay hey is that a fatty
REAPER: ....fuck okay i guess so here
DOCTOR: there's the head it's almost here
BIRTH WOMAN: OOOH GAUGGH
REAPER: you know i don't want to sound like a dick right now but you really have to not be so slow about this lady
OFFICER: hello ma'am i am the officer for your baby's expiration date
BIRTH WOMAN: hhhHHHHHHAANANANHNHHHH
DOCTOR: yes that's it just a few more pushes
the doctor pulls away from the woman he is holding a [baby] a nurse dried the birth blood off of it
REAPER: about time jesus christ
OFFICER: okay let me just give him the date
the officer takes out a simple label gun and starts making an expiration date
the officer puts the label on the baby's forehead
OFFICER: there you go ma'am congratulations
the doctor hands the baby to the birth woman
the reaper leans over the bed to see the baby's expiration date
BIRTH WOMAN: wait officer this date is only twenty years from now
OFFICER: yes ma'am he's a lucky motherfucker ma'am
REAPER: thank god okay take care i guess
OFFICER: i love this job
TITLE CARD:
The Life of Death
(montage of reaper walking (floating) down street/ also playing w/ dogs)
Topic: i have written this and now lat will adapt it into a movie ok (Read 3938 times)