Let's try to inject some highbrow humor into this thread.
I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 4 years. You're probably wondering why. Well, one day she simply began talking, and as a rule I find it disrespectful to interrupt people.
Dear diary, I found myself in an unexpected situation of sorts this morning. During my obligatory trip to the bathroom to inspect if the quality of my face had improved at all during the night, I was surprised to see my mirror removed. In its place was a sloppily spray-painted phrase that read, "Don't even bother."
And I'm spent.