Face what isn't working

[AndyDT]

Should I be getting more from church or just cut my losses and leave?  There's a weekly study group most weeks and I go on Sundays. Most people are quite friendly and come to speak to you after service on a Sunday. However, we never do much as a group. Maybe two meals per year - that's it.

The thing is I've found I've never really needed church for God, I just need to engage more with people. The one thing that puts me off God is people harping on about it in their own restrictive, dogmatic, often egotistical way at church. I sometimes find it more fulfilling to be around non-christians and keep true to my ideals etc in that, although that's more challenging.

 I've looked at some social sites. To be honest some of them are pretty disappointing like citysocialising and meetup. Most seem pretty disorganised or never manage to launch, grow or keep going. Any ideas?

[rumborak]

Do you do any sports? Those are excellent for mingling I find.

rumborak

[Chino]

Leave the church, join a bowling league.

[bosk1]

Andy, I don't intend for this to be mean, but honestly, if there's one thing you've demonstrated through the years of your posting here, it's that your expectations in any given social situation aren't remotely realistic.  So I'm not sure what kind of answers anyone here can give you that will help.

[Dr. DTVT]

One of the crappy things about getting older is that it becomes much harder to make new friends, with all the real-world hassles, pressures, and obligations we face.  Instead of trying to force yourself into a group where you feel like you don't fit, simply do things you are interested in or interested in learning about.  Maybe your meetup.com isn't active, but I know people who have used it successfully.  You just have to put yourself out there.  Even something as simple as facebook can work - join a group that you is about an interest you already have, and see if anyone is local.  Even if noone is local, you can still get plenty of good out it.  Look at how you've become a member of this community simply based on mere music appriciation.

Another idea that really works is your friends friends.  I have some really good friends I met simply through other friends - in some cases I became better friends with my friend's friend than I did with the original friend.

[AndyDT]

Thanks I didn't think of Facebook. When you say put yourself out there, do you mean keep going to different events? Somebody cautioned me against constantly seeking to meet new people and build ability and contacts from who I already new.

Andy, I don't intend for this to be mean, but honestly, if there's one thing you've demonstrated through the years of your posting here, it's that your expectations in any given social situation aren't remotely realistic.  So I'm not sure what kind of answers anyone here can give you that will help.

Well Richard Branson said sack anybody who tells you to be "realistic". Besides, these church people are going on holidays as couples or groups of couples.

Do you do any sports? Those are excellent for mingling I find.

rumborak

I've been doing martial arts recently. The thing is I can and will continue to do classes as far as a I'm able but if you just want to meet up and relax like going out for a meal, it's hard.The dates I've met often say they're going to see friends at the weekend or they went out in the evening with old college friends.

[AndyDT]

Just been to the last session of an amazing writing course and exchanged emails with other participants. Hopefully we can keep in touch.

[Ħ]

Just been to the last session of an amazing writing course and exchanged emails with other participants. Hopefully we can keep in touch.

Remember that you have half of the responsibilty to see that through.

[Dr. DTVT]

Just been to the last session of an amazing writing course and exchanged emails with other participants. Hopefully we can keep in touch.

Remember that you have half of the responsibilty to see that through.

BrotherH makes a great point.  You can't expect the world to come to you.  If you aren't a naturally outgoing, email is a good way to reach out without having to deal without having to deal with the pressure of a face to face meeting. 

[AndyDT]

Just been to the last session of an amazing writing course and exchanged emails with other participants. Hopefully we can keep in touch.

Remember that you have half of the responsibilty to see that through.

What, like turning up to a meeting?

[Ħ]

Just been to the last session of an amazing writing course and exchanged emails with other participants. Hopefully we can keep in touch.

Remember that you have half of the responsibilty to see that through.

What, like turning up to a meeting?

That's one example.  But when you're trying to connect  with other people, don't always expect other people to make the first move.  Sometimes they'll take the initiative and sometimes they won't.  If you want to be socially successful, then do not hesitate to be the first one to email/call/rendezvous/etc.

[AndyDT]

You have to balance that with sending out "I'm anybody's property" vibes I've found.

[bosk1]

Andy, I don't intend for this to be mean, but honestly, if there's one thing you've demonstrated through the years of your posting here, it's that your expectations in any given social situation aren't remotely realistic.  So I'm not sure what kind of answers anyone here can give you that will help.

Well Richard Branson said sack anybody who tells you to be "realistic".

And why should anyone care what Richard Branson says?

[AndyDT]

Andy, I don't intend for this to be mean, but honestly, if there's one thing you've demonstrated through the years of your posting here, it's that your expectations in any given social situation aren't remotely realistic.  So I'm not sure what kind of answers anyone here can give you that will help.

Well Richard Branson said sack anybody who tells you to be "realistic".

And why should anyone care what Richard Branson says?

That's their business, I think he's been exceptionally successful.

[bosk1]

What does that have to do with your "church" experiences?

[gmillerdrake]

From my own personal experience I can tell you that I have received the greatest rewards and personal 'satisfaction' from church when I was not focused on myself. Try volunteering for a mission trip or just volunteer at your church. Sign up to usher or greet people. Participate in childrens ministry...something along those lines. I have served in relief efforts from cleaning up after hurricaines, floods, tornados....done inner city outreaches...just put myself out there not to show everyone how cool I am or prove something to anyone or be able to say that I did those things. I've done and will continue to do those things with everyone except myself in mind and know that without a doubt even though my intentions are not to gain from it...I will. 
   At some point in every one of the ventures and volunteering that I have participated in I have been given a moment of clarity or I meet a new friend or I witness the good things that humanity has to offer....the rewards are endless and it all begins by not worrying about how something can benefit me.
  That is my couple cents of suggestion. Good Luck!