Sorry....I have to chime in here. This thread reminds me of a trip to the dentist to get a wisdom tooth removed, and the first thing the dentist tells you is to NOT stick your tongue in the hole. But of course, the urge is overwhelming, and you do it anyway. So, as much as I avoid threads like these like the plague.....the urge is overwhelming.
I have been asked dozens of times here, usually by PM, to read or critique peoples work. I always politely decline. I get asked regularly by other people too. Sometimes people send me whole manuscripts in the mail through my publisher; or even worse I get asked by people who know me. I understand why, we all want to know we have created something that others will appreciate. I always refrain for two reasons; the first being that I don't want to crush anyones creative spirit, or upset anyone, and the second is that I don't really have time. I'm too busy with my own work to review someone elses. It would be like a musician working on an album, and they are repeatedly asked to review some other musicians music. Professional musician friends of mine experience this all the time. Fans of theirs send them music to listen to, and while flattering, they don't offer any technical advice for the same reasons I just shared.
The point of all of this is I will impart a couple of tidbits of my own personal practice.
1) I NEVER, and I mean never, let anyone (wife, kid, friends, neighbor, publisher, agent, editor, dog, cat..get the picture?) read any part of any thing I am writing until I am completely satisified and finished with it. EVER. Why? Everyone has an opinion, and everyone is a critic. When you ask someone to read something you have written and to tell you what they think, they hear "Tell me what you might think I've done wrong?"
2) I NEVER write anything with anyone besides myself in mind as the reader. Do not write to impress anyone. That's fake and phony, and boring as hell. Every full-time author that I know who is published, including myself, have all written things that will never get published that we personally like more than some of our published stuff.
3) NEVER write anything with the sole purpose of getting published. Write because you like to write. I have dozens of stories that I have started to write, and have put down because I have lost interest at the moment. There are probably a hundred or so short stories that I have written that didn't start out to be short stories. The story decides where it will go, not me. Write because you like to write. I hear people ALL the time say, "I'd like to write a book someday." Wrong premise. Just write a story. If it becomes a book, great. I write stories, and publish books. Big difference in my opinion.
Anyway, I cringe when I see threads like this. Hope I haven't pissed in anyones Wheaties. While I know everyone who offered an opinion was trying to be helpful, my advice to Andy or anyone who wants to write, is to stick to the three things I just listed, and keep writing. When you've finished the story and want to share, post it and say "Read what I have written." To do otherwise opens yourself up to writing what you think people want to read. Bad mistake.