Concert Dilemma v. I Just Don't Understand (my friend)

[Shadow2222]

She basically just told me that she had apparently only meant that she would think about letting me go, and that she just came to this decision.

She said the only way I could go if there was something ridiculously unique about it, like getting to meet the band or something 

[robwebster]

Mate, she's not the one living your life. You are. And you're eighteen. Either you want to respect yourself in which case you should be going to the concert, or you want to respect your mother in which case you don't. Either way, it's your decision, and you shouldn't really be relegated to the passenger seat in your own body.

She's a mum. You love her. Fair play. But by the time you're an adult, her role is more of guidance. It should be mutual respect. She gave birth to you, and if she wants you to do well she should be teaching you how to make decisions rather than stripping you of your right to. Although you equally shouldn't be letting her.

Go to your fucking gig. It shouldn't be an issue. If you're asking something of her - e.g. "Give me a lift," then that's her prerogative and obviously that IS her decision. That's her life and she shouldn't have to bend over backwards for you. She can if she wants, but she shouldn't have to. And nor should you to her bizarre whims.

[Fuzzboy]

Regret is a fucking asshole. Don't give it a reason to exist.

Go see both shows, because you'll really wish you had if you don't. Live your life, not hers.

[Darkes7]

Mate, she's not the one living your life. You are. And you're eighteen. Either you want to respect yourself in which case you should be going to the concert, or you want to respect your mother in which case you don't. Either way, it's your decision, and you shouldn't really be relegated to the passenger seat in your own body.

She's a mum. You love her. Fair play. But by the time you're an adult, her role is more of guidance. It should be mutual respect. She gave birth to you, and if she wants you to do well she should be teaching you how to make decisions rather than stripping you of your right to. Although you equally shouldn't be letting her.

Go to your fucking gig. It shouldn't be an issue. If you're asking something of her - e.g. "Give me a lift," then that's her prerogative and obviously that IS her decision. That's her life and she shouldn't have to bend over backwards for you. She can if she wants, but she shouldn't have to. And nor should you to her bizarre whims.

I couldn't write it better myself, exactly what I'd like to say.

[Nic35]

Mate, she's not the one living your life. You are. And you're eighteen. Either you want to respect yourself in which case you should be going to the concert, or you want to respect your mother in which case you don't. Either way, it's your decision, and you shouldn't really be relegated to the passenger seat in your own body.

She's a mum. You love her. Fair play. But by the time you're an adult, her role is more of guidance. It should be mutual respect. She gave birth to you, and if she wants you to do well she should be teaching you how to make decisions rather than stripping you of your right to. Although you equally shouldn't be letting her.

Go to your fucking gig. It shouldn't be an issue. If you're asking something of her - e.g. "Give me a lift," then that's her prerogative and obviously that IS her decision. That's her life and she shouldn't have to bend over backwards for you. She can if she wants, but she shouldn't have to. And nor should you to her bizarre whims.

I couldn't write it better myself, exactly what I'd like to say.

I couldn't write it better myself, exactly what I'd like to say.

[robwebster]

Mate, she's not the one living your life. You are. And you're eighteen. Either you want to respect yourself in which case you should be going to the concert, or you want to respect your mother in which case you don't. Either way, it's your decision, and you shouldn't really be relegated to the passenger seat in your own body.

She's a mum. You love her. Fair play. But by the time you're an adult, her role is more of guidance. It should be mutual respect. She gave birth to you, and if she wants you to do well she should be teaching you how to make decisions rather than stripping you of your right to. Although you equally shouldn't be letting her.

Go to your fucking gig. It shouldn't be an issue. If you're asking something of her - e.g. "Give me a lift," then that's her prerogative and obviously that IS her decision. That's her life and she shouldn't have to bend over backwards for you. She can if she wants, but she shouldn't have to. And nor should you to her bizarre whims.

I couldn't write it better myself, exactly what I'd like to say.

I couldn't write it better myself, exactly what I'd like to say.

I couldn't write it better myself, exactly what I'd like to say.

[Setlist Scotty]

She said the only way I could go if there was something ridiculously unique about it, like getting to meet the band or something 

Hang out by the bus after the club gig, and you stand a very good chance of being able to meet them.   

[sneakyblueberry]

Are you her youngest/only son?  She sounds very over-protective.  I think part of her is just upset that you're getting to the point in your life where you don't really need her to hold your hand anymore.  I can imagine why she would act that way about the whole gig if she's already upset about you getting older, moving out of home going to college etc.  You're old enough to look after yourself now, maybe she's just sad that you won't be relying on her anymore.  Maybe you should talk to her about it and let her know that even though you're older now, you still love and need her.  Maybe.  I could be dead wrong and she's just being a poop head for the sake of it.

That said, I think you need to get out of her house asap.  You have a job now, find a one room apartment or something and you won't have a problem like this again.

[Mladen]

This has been going on for quite a while, and I certainly haven't read the entire thread. But the thing is, if you're gonna get kicked out of your house because you went to a Dream Theater show, I'd say it's totally worth it. Go have fun at the gig and tell us how it was.

Oh, and one more thing... Do not sell the Maiden ticket, for the love of God! 

[Martinman300]

How are you getting there?

[Perpetual Change]

Just go dude.

[axeman90210]

man, this thread is just a roller coaster ride of emotion... he can't go, he can go, he can go but he has no way to get there, maybe someone from DTF is gonna give him a ride, he can't go. If no one's approached you yet, I'd like to put in a bid for the movie rights. I'm thinking we'll spin it into a three film franchise, get one of the kids from Twilight to star, and film it all in 3D of course.


seriously though, it sounds like your mom runs pretty hot/cold. I say just go and hope that she's having a good day the day of, and if not  unless she's some sort of giantess I don't think she can physically stop you from going.

[AcidLameLTE]

She's hot and then cold
She's yes and then no

[Shadow2222]

How are you getting there?

Oh man, now this...

My car is currently having a transmission/stalling issue, which is fine money wise because I have it completely covered under warranty until October, but the garage I have a warranty at is booked full for the next 3 weeks. I can't get my car fixed before the show.

My friend who was going to have to drive because of my car (I think I mentioned him earlier in the thread) just text me and said "Hey, the more I think about this concert, the more I don't want to go. Sorry."

My mom said she doesn't want me to go because she loves me so much and doesn't want to see me get killed on the highway over a concert (her friends from back in high school recently died in a car accident on the highway, and so did an 18 year old going to my school).

I completely understand how much she loves me, but I told her anything could happen in life. I could get killed today, whether by accident or on purpose. Unfortunately, she has to come with terms that I am "leaving the nest."

Now I don't have a ride again, but I don't think she would EVER let me ride with a stranger. She isn't familiar enough with any of you to feel alright with it.


I may have to sell these tickets  

[robwebster]

She's hot and then cold
She's yes and then no

She's in and she's out! She's up and she's down!

[robwebster]

Now I don't have a ride again, but I don't think she would EVER let me ride with a stranger. She isn't familiar enough with any of you to feel alright with it.

I may have to sell these tickets  

It's not about her being familiar with us (I live in England, it DEFINITELY isn't about her being familiar with me), it's about her trusting in you to make your own choice. If I were you I'd almost be tempted - and this is quite manipulative, so I apologise for ever suggesting it, even WITH a disclaimer - to ask her outright why she doesn't trust you. Can you not make decisions? Have you been brought up wrong? On the flipside, have you given her reason to distrust you?

I'm starting to think - and again, I feel horrible for saying this, I'd never be this audacious in person - that perhaps you are a little too young to be trusted. If you're investing so much of your life in instructions-from-your-mum then maybe that's the sign that you still need her for something, and probably shouldn't be going to this gig?

[KevShmev]

My mom said she doesn't want me to go because she loves me so much and doesn't want to see me get killed on the highway over a concert

Good grief.  

[Plasmastrike]

I would seriously go insane if my mother was like this. Wow.

[hefdaddy42]

My mom said she doesn't want me to go because she loves me so much and doesn't want to see me get killed on the highway over a concert

Good grief.  

This.

[black_biff_stadler]

Is your mom her?

inb4loluwatchkidzshows

[Mebert78]

Tell her you're sleeping over a friend's house and go to the show instead.  You'll get grounded if she finds out, but it will be worth it.  DT, baby. 

[ZBomber]

Take a bus there. I'm sure you can find one that can get you to the general area.... thats what I'm doing for the DT/IM show in NYC.

[black_biff_stadler]

Take a bus there. I'm sure you can find one that can get you to the general area.... thats what I'm doing for the DT/IM show in NYC.

Moms probably has a story involving three of his aunts being raped on a Greyhound bus to refute this measure.

[Shadow2222]

Take a bus there. I'm sure you can find one that can get you to the general area.... thats what I'm doing for the DT/IM show in NYC.

Moms probably has a story involving three of his aunts being raped on a Greyhound bus to refute this measure.

Close, but no cigar.

Mom's Logic:

1st, too much money for a bus ticket


2nd, Youngstown (where the bus stop is) is a bad area to be walking around at 2 in the morning. Legitimately, I would have no ride home that early in the morning, and its very far from my house.

[BRGM]

Make her come with you.

[Shadow2222]

Well, she can't go on highways anymore cause she has what I consider to be a panic attack. Even locally, she freaks out all the time while driving (not that she has complete meltdowns or anything that severe).

We haven't been on vacation since I was about 10 or 11 due to that (oh, she hates airplanes and ships too).

Looking back at this thread, don't get the wrong impression of my mom. I love her so much and I wouldn't have wanted to grow up with anyone else as my mother. However, all her "bad" qualities are coming up due to this particular incident.

[Martinman300]

Close, but no cigar.

Mom's Logic:

1st, too much money for a bus ticket


2nd, Youngstown (where the bus stop is) is a bad area to be walking around at 2 in the morning. Legitimately, I would have no ride home that early in the morning, and its very far from my house.

Are you paying for the bus, if so, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE THINKS IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE IT'S YOUR MONEY.
If not, sorry for the rant.

Well, she can't go on highways anymore cause she has what I consider to be a panic attack. Even locally, she freaks out all the time while driving (not that she has complete meltdowns or anything that severe).

We haven't been on vacation since I was about 10 or 11 due to that (oh, she hates airplanes and ships too).

Looking back at this thread, don't get the wrong impression of my mom. I love her so much and I wouldn't have wanted to grow up with anyone else as my mother. However, all her "bad" qualities are coming up due to this particular incident.

Your mum is a nutter. Does she get all wound up and on the edge, possibly terrified, on the highway?

[BRGM]

Don't u have a friend or another relative to go with then?

[black_biff_stadler]

Make her come with you.

Dude! Gross!

[BRGM]

eh.... -.-

[Plasmastrike]

Bat. Shit. Crazy.

[axeman90210]

every new one of your posts makes me think it's even more important for you to go to the concert. Your mom obviously cares about you, but she is overly protective/smothering to a ridiculous degree and it will be very healthy for both of you if you just go

[reneranucci]

 

Brief interlude: this thread has helped to make black_floyd my new hero.

Now go on with the complaining, the advice and other nonsense. 

[SirVoltage]

Allow me, if you will, to add my perspective to this.

I had a "similar" dealings with my mum, albeit not quite the same, but its similar in principle.

My mum went through a phase of being overprotective, in that she was uncomfortable about letting me go out.
I confronted her and asked her for a legitimate reason, of course the usual came about, "its not safe" and "you're my only son" etc...
By keeping calm and rational, I told her that these things were ultimately my decision, and it was my money etc, all the things people have already told you in this thread.
Now I can tell her where I'm going and what I'm doing, there be no cloak and dagger stuff here.

Also the fact that I saved her from certain death at the hands of the mighty shredder may have helped my case. *

My sister on the other hand, has not spoken to her in the same way, and as such is playing up moreso because of it.
Lieing about where she's going, doing more crazy things and generally messing around more.

You're 18, and you need to have this conversation sooner or later, and make her realise whats going on.
It'll be hard for her I'm sure, since you're an only child but if you reason with her, she'll see sense and acknowledge the situation. However the whole, lack of ride thing is a problem.

Ah well, you'll sort it out.



* statement could well be falsified

[ZBomber]

With our luck, Shadow will go, he will somehow end up dying, and then his mom will find this thread and sue DTF.