The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[lateralus88]

If I see you this summer while I'm in Arizona, I totally will.


YOU LOOK LIKE A NICE PERSON

[Ravenheart]

D'aww shucks :3

But yeah, if I'm in town when you're in town, we'll meet up and enact in mirth and conversation.

[lateralus88]

Don't slap me if I look at your hair quite often. I know where your eyes are woman.

[Ravenheart]

I'll consider it. Just remember that I'm not some fluffy head designed specifically to ogle.

[dethklok09]

Been reading the last few posts and I can relate to that kind of shit. But I think what is making myself the most depressed is that I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't feel I fit in with any group of people or anything. All I'm descent at is music and thats the only thing I can feel connected with people on. But besides being in a musical setting any group of people i'm with I feel like the guy who just tags along and isn't really part of the circle. I guess i'm just sad because of my lack of being socially accepted and not really belonging anywhere.

[chknptpie]

DTF Meet up in AZ?

[Ravenheart]

DTF Meet up in AZ?

I'm thinking yes 

[lateralus88]

DTF Meet up in AZ?

I'm thinking yes 

Awwww yeah.

[chknptpie]

DTF Meet up in AZ?

I'm thinking yes 

Awwww yeah.

WEWT!  Let me know when this shit is happening!

[lateralus88]

Depending if Zander is in town, I'll be in Cave Creek from July 5th to July 17th. So, somewhere in that window of time.

[chknptpie]

Cool! Shouldn't have any problem with those dates.

[JayOctavarium]

I can't stand being human. I spent the past few days away from home doing everything short of getting completely wasted to keep my mind off her... but I can't control my dreams. As soon as I fall asleep, guess who is there haunting my dreams ....  fucking shit.
 

[xShammas]

I can't stand being human. I spent the past few days away from home doing everything short of getting completely wasted to keep my mind off her... but I can't control my dreams. As soon as I fall asleep, guess who is there haunting my dreams ....  fucking shit.
 

...Natalie Portman?

 

[lateralus88]

So I've been reluctant to either mention this anywhere or even want to think about it, but I think that my parents might be...coming close to...a divorce.

Two nights ago they had been arguing a lot most of the night (and it took place around midnight) while I was trying to sleep. I heard the words "seperate", "divorce" and "counseling" thrown about several times. Sure, part of me is in denial that there is no fucking way it'll happen. But I don't actually know.

And this makes me wonder "If my own parents can't hold their own fucking relationship. what makes me think I'm going to be "good enough" or able to do so in the future.


Gah. Fuck. Balls. Boners.

[JayOctavarium]

I can't stand being human. I spent the past few days away from home doing everything short of getting completely wasted to keep my mind off her... but I can't control my dreams. As soon as I fall asleep, guess who is there haunting my dreams ....  fucking shit.
 

 
...Natalie Portman?

 

 
Lol no...

That was good though

[Lotion]

I've been there. You just gotta step out of it! I'm just done with high school, out of 3 years I got 1,25 year abscence. Around new year I got dumped by my girlfriend, thrown out of the house by my father, getting warnings from school that I was going to fail, got arrested for being involved in buying pot(wich i wasn't, still got fined) and my brother got beaten up and threatened with a gun by some muslims.

Suddenly I could'nt control myself I was hitting the wall until I bled everyday. Couldn't go to school, every blonde girl looked like my ex, every thought i had annoyed me. Smoked pot everytime I was down. Only thing I was looking forward to was getting drunk every weekend. I felt like I was becomming the person that would smoke weed everyday and live on welfare (like on of my friends). So i had to step out of it. Achievements was what made me realize that I could do something. First step was to complete high school, so I went from 1,6/6 in average grades the first semester to 4,8/6, which is good enough to study in Australia, which has been a dream for years. 3 Months ago I was about to fail in every subject.

I know that my depressions haven't been as serious and lasting, but atleast that was my experience from depression.

[Super Dude]

Not really depressed or angry, but I would like to say that trying in one week to make the choices that will determine the entire rest of your life is a nerve-wracking affair.

[73109]

What's going on?

[Super Dude]

Choosing between continuing along with my Politics major and entering academia, which would mean taking a one- or two-year Master's program either at my current school or elsewhere, followed by a Ph.D at some other university, which would lead to me becoming a Political Theory professor or something.  I would love that because then I could basically become this one professor who I love at my university; he's brilliant, the field he teaches and studies in is so interesting, and he writes books about an awesome subject which is something I'd love to do.

The thing is I'm not entirely certain that's the track I want to follow, considering my interests in Politics intersect really closely with History.  But that would mean declaring a History major in my senior year and taking a fifth and maybe even sixth year of undergrad, and then following that with a Masters program either there or (hopefully) at UPenn, and then maybe a Ph.D.  Following that track I'd still be in school at 30 years-old, but I might achieve a private dream of mine of teaching high school history courses at private schools such as the one I went to.  I had this one European History teacher in my senior year of high school who I considered a god, and having his job was my dream job.

No matter which way I slice it, the road there is one massive headache.  I'm just trying to figure out which is the lesser of two headaches and which one will be more personally rewarding in the end.  Moral of the story: don't whittle away your undergrad time pursuing a path you think your parents and society consider more useful, practical, and inclined towards success.  Just follow your bliss, and if you're good at it you will be successful anyway.

[73109]

Personally, I'd pick the first. Getting a PhD and teaching at a college is a dream of mine, but if you would rather get a job as a HS teacher, go for that, bro. I think teaching at a college is more of a better bet, money wise, and as you said, it will take less time, but if that is what you really want, go for it man.

edit: And for your piece of advice...I plan on majoring in philosophy. I don't think whittling away my undergrad time pursuing a path I think my parents and society consider more useful, practical, and inclined towards success is much of an issue.

[Marvellous G]

Majoring in Philosophy ftw. It's what I'm planning to do at Uni.

However, I am starting to worry about life after that; the only way Philosophy will actually get me any jobs is if I do it at Oxford or Cambridge, as any degree from those two gets you a job. I know it's better to do what you enjoy than anything else, but I'm starting to realise how impractical a choice Philosophy is, as much as I love it.

[73109]

Well, not sure what the system is in the UK, but a philosophy is just as great of a "pre-law" major as Poly-Sci, so you might want to look into that.

[Marvellous G]

Here I'm doing it as a Uni degree, so I'm not really knowledgeable enough about the US system to know what the equivalent is.

Philosophy isn't looked down on when applying for jobs per se (probably kind of the opposite), it just doesn't directly lead to any careers directly, which is annoying.

[lateralus88]

I've felt more depressed the past two days than I have in a long time. I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. Why can't I let go of things as easy as I thought I could?

Fuckin hell.

[dethklok09]

Find something new to do to keep youself occupied. Learn a new type of skill like drawing (if you were never much of one). I dunno its always been easy for me to let go of stuff by filling their spot with something new preferably in an artistic format.

[lateralus88]

I don't know how to explain it, but somehow my mind always drifts back to all the things that depress me. No matter what I do. I either start thinking about this eternal sense of loneliness I can't seem to shake, or I think about how much I despise yet love certain people. I just have no idea what I'm doing anymore, nor do I know how to fully get my mind off of it.

[sonatafanica]

i'm pretty sure i might be a little bit chemically unbalanced in the brain region

[nikatapi]

I don't know how to explain it, but somehow my mind always drifts back to all the things that depress me. No matter what I do. I either start thinking about this eternal sense of loneliness I can't seem to shake, or I think about how much I despise yet love certain people. I just have no idea what I'm doing anymore, nor do I know how to fully get my mind off of it.

Its like you are in my head. I face the same situation.
I might seek medical advice in the coming month, because recently things get worse for me, and i'm not sure how to deal with it.

[ClairvoyantCat]

I'm feeling absolutely useless right now. 

Granted, this is an absolutely justifiable feeling, undoubtedly induced by the fact that I am, in fact, useless.  But it usually doesn't bother me like this, so either I'm in an especially rare form of uselessness or I'm just particularly noticing my customary uselessness now more than usual for some reason.  Either way, it feels like shit.  It's not that I really want to accomplish any thing major, but I feel like I'm not having enough fun. 

My general resolve with this kind of problem (which I've had before) is to just take necessary actions in order to take my mind off of my uselessness with some sort of distraction, instead of taking actions to make myself feel useful.  I guess my problem now is either that these little distractions have run dry and need to be replaced or that I'm gradually getting to the point in my life where I'm going to consider my usefulness a lot more (or lack thereof) and get more and more depressed about it.  I'd like to be the kind of person who can really buckle down and find a way to make good use of himself, but it just doesn't happen for me, and when I try that approach with something like music I lose inspiration as soon as I don't feel like I'm making a use of my time with it.  If I was good enough at it, perhaps I'd get at least a modest sense of purposiveness.  So, in conciser words, I'm either looking for something to not only channel inspiration into but actually create inspiration for in the first place or something utterly useless that will take my mind off of my lack of purpose and interestingness, at least for the time being.  Maybe doing drugs is the answer or something.   

Oh, wait, I don't even have access to drugs, right.  Point is that I've really got to find something that makes me feel less like I might as well just roll over and die like an old, sick dog. 

[dethklok09]

I dont even see why I bother posting in this thread anymore, Its all just a bunch of teenage bullshit anyway, well fuck it.

My teacher a couple of weeks ago sort of nudged at something thats been bothering me for a while. We were watching awakenings and at the end of the movie when Dr. Sayer ran after the female nurse and asked to go out with her. He commented that that was how I was going to ask out a girl, it was sort of nudging that I miss so many oppurtunities and completely doubt obvious signs that someone likes me or that I have a good shot at something. I have started to think to myself and realize this is true, I seem to see the worst possible outcome and look at almost anything as people feeling sorry for me or are just messing with me. The thing is though, is that I have never seized any of those oppurtunities or taken any chances. I have thought to myself and asked if this mental processing is only killing me, why dont I stop and seize oppurtunities and take chances. Possibly I might be comfortable being looked at as the quiet kid, and always feeling depressed on the inside. It could be possible being that its something I often feel. The only things I can think of that comfort me is my guitar playing and rowing. They seem to be the few things I've actually been complimented on and I guess you could say be somewhat good at. Even then though I still feel people may just be saying that just to make me feel better because in reality I could just be complete rat piss at those.

Whatever I'm a fucking whiny little teenager. What the fuck would I know about pain, I feel like a piece of horse shit when I'm complaining over trivial bull shit when others actually have problems. I wonder why people would want to make me feel better knowing that kind of shit. Maybe they are just mocking me.

[dongringo]

I've ignored this thread for too long so time to post something really depressing.

My dear twin brother, who is bi-polar to the extreme and has tried to commit suicide in various ways around 13 or 14 times now (lost track), has done it again and is in the hospital once again. This time though, it's been 5 days and he doesn't know who I am and can't communicate.

And to top it off, I come from a very small and scattered family and he's the only person I've ever been close to. We grew up together and have always had the same taste in everything, including DT. He's the only person, if who dies, I wouldn't be able to live.

This has been going on for years, but this time is too much. The doc is talking significant brain damage. I can't live without my twin brother in my life. And his daughter will be lost without her daddy.

Not only that, but my mom, who lives in another state is out of work, injured, and getting kicked out of her apartment and losing her car and everything else. But I'm going through a lawsuit right now which has taken any extra income away, which isn't much, from me to my lawyer, and I have to be here for my brother, so what do I do about that? My younger brother lives near her, but his wife is a bitch and won't let her live with them under any circumstances, but her family from Peru can stay for months at a time. WTF?

Not only that, my dad had a massive stroke, then proceeded to lose his mind and make enemies with me and everyone else he knows, including his wife, who has nothing to do with him, but thankfully still gives him a place to live out his miserable existence. I haven't talked to him for over a year because everything is everyone else's fault but his.

Plus I'm on the verge of losing my job due to company financial issues. And I have no savings, thanks to my lawyer.

How's that for depressing. I figured I've been here long enough now to dump what's on my plate.

Sincerely,

dongringo

[dongringo]

Didn't mean to stop the thread in it's tracks. 

Carry on! Just needed a dump last night.

[ZBomber]

I've ignored this thread for too long so time to post something really depressing.
...

Ouch dude.  Hope things turn around for you

[lateralus88]

So I had some what of a realization tonight while out with some close friends. We gone out for a late evening walk around Seattle and stopped by a local park. As we walked around the park, we saw a group of kids a couple of years younger than us who were completely wasted and super high. Part of me found it kind of sad/funny to see these kids waste their lives away like this.

But then there is the other part of me, that gets into a depressed state of mind, that I've never been part of that group of people. I know I know, that sounds fucking stupid Alex. What the hell are you talking about? Okay, let me elaborate. As a teenager, I spent the majority of my time sitting at home, playing vidja games, watching movies/tv shows/anime, hating the world, etc. I didn't start to actually enjoy myself or go out and have fun until maybe the middle of my Junior year of high school. Even then I was just barely getting used to have my close circle of friends to do dumb, nerdy shit with.

My issue is that...well...when seeing these kids wasting away, I think to myself "What did I miss out on as a high school student with no responsibilities and extremely lenient parents. Why didn't I find my way into the groups of people who had fun every weekend, just to live a little bit more than I claim to have been". And I this saddens me on several levels, because for one I shouldn't be worrying about what I didn't do and I should be worrying about what to do next. The other thing is I just don't feel like I've fully lived without making all these mistakes everyone else I know seems to have made (drinking, random sex with people, whateverthefuckelse). And lately I've just been a bit bitter about it all in general.

So anyway, to keep this lengthy (and probably ignorable) rant a bit short, I feel like there is this part of me that just needs to get as much of this as I can out of my system as soon as possible and then move on from there. Which I think might be at least partially possible when I'm in Arizona, because I have a few more contacts with people who like to party/get wasted/whateverthefuckelse. I just want to binge on this and get it the fuck out of my system so I can at least say "I've done this.".


If ANY of that made sense, that is.

[Ravenheart]

I've been having suicidal thoughts regularly for the last week or so.

They're all oddly comforting in their own way. I don't think it's normal, but that's what they feel like.

I'm actually not even depressed or upset over them, but this feels like the right thread to post this in.