Oh, wow. Sorry for the late responses, everyone. A 2-hour class in the middle of the day is never convenient
I know what you mean. Do you find it's different with different groups though? I don't get shy but I can feel pretty awkward in certain situations. But in others I'm in my element. Do you KNOW people are laughing about you behind your back? Sounds like the experiences you had in grade/middle school have kept a hold of you. Have you ever had counselling?
Sometimes being thrown into something you're not ready for is the best way to cope and mature... however cool your new friends will be, they'll almost never be as good as your original friends! The whole transition from teenager living at home to adult moving out is hard for most people, at least you know everyone else will be in the same boat...
I've taken a little bit of counseling, but it was mostly against my will and forced on me by my mother, who should honestly be locked up in an asylum. I'm not kidding or exaggerating.
I do think I've made a lot of progress, but it still holds me back sometimes. I can make pretty much anyone laugh by cracking a few sarcastic comments, but I still feel very insecure around people. But if I keep at it, I think I'll make more progress.
I've noticed I feel very desperate and insecure when I start getting feelings for a girl, even though I can hide it. lolniceguy
I'm glad I'm not alone in the fear of living on my own. I just laugh at kids my age who act like they can't wait for it, since most of them are extremely dysfunctional on their own.
*hugs* were you the guy in the thread who said they could empathise with having an alcoholic mother?
Are you moving out and into college accommodation? Because if so, that's nothing like living on your own... you tend to have your finances sorted out for you, some places provide meals, you have people in a similar situation around you and know what your focus is for the next couple of years at least.
What scares you about living alone? Is it the practical stuff (the cooking, cleaning, washing stuff, getting up on time, being organised) or some other stuff?
Yeah, that was me. She'd pass out on the couch every day and night for about 3 years. Then she attended AA and only delved deeper into insanity.
I might be moving out for college, not sure yet. The part that scares me about living alone is just the idea that I might come across some horrible obstacle that I don't know how to cross, and there might not be anyone there to help me
Ravenheart, I have really gone through the same issues and I probably still do. However, the whole fitting in thing, I've found, is really just something that you can't get depressed about, or it will only get worse. Take it from, me, I tried way too hard to fit in, particularly in 7th grade, and did some really fucking stupid things. Therefore, I had friends that weren't really good people to be around, because I attracted that kind of negative energy. Really, I wasn't very happy about it, because I hated the kids I hung around and I hated myself for being a complete fuck just to fit in.
If I met myself back then I would have fucking killed the little bastard.
So I guess the lesson that I've half-learned (I still need to learn it in some ways) is that not focusing on drawing people in really will leave you better off in the long run. I sort of started to gravitate to other people similar to myself through that, and now have a few good friends, which to me is much better than a lot. People tend to draw together even in their disinterest for drawing people to them.
Heh, I was the same way during 7th and 8th grade, except that the people I wanted to like me didn't like me at all
I've made some big improvements. I have a group of people I hang out with weekly outside of school, both male and female. It has helped my self-esteem a lot. What I've learned is that my anxiety and depression don't react to reason most of the time. They just act. It sucks, but it's a goal I try to work on.
I feel the same way Ravenheart, it feels like I have to hide what's going on with me, and put up a charade. I can only really be open with a couple friends I have, but they live kind of far away, and I used to open with a girl, but she's not in my life really anymore. I've always felt that I had people I could hang out with and call "friends", but no one I'm really that close to and can actually be myself with. My dad was kind of abusive, and I don't talk to him anymore. I live with my mom, but she's borderline alcoholic, and she's a little crazy too. She's the most important thing to me though, and she's been having health issues and issues at work lately, so I'm pretty worried at the moment. The only difference between you and I is that I can't wait to move out, but I don't have the financial stability. I really want to go to school, but again the money is a problem.
I know what you mean. Having someone to confide in is important. When you have friends that can't help you, it makes the outlook bleak.
I'm sorry about your mom. But the important thing is, you got away from your dad and have your priorities straight, and you recognize the parent who you can live with. I think if you find someone to move in with and share rent, you'll be able to better live on your own.
But I think I annoy mostly everyone I know anyway.
This statement surprises me because I like you a lot and find that very hard to believe.
Well thanks!
I like you, too. I've been bullied a lot in my life (not anymore), and it just takes a toll on my self-esteem. I tend to worry too much, and I recognize that.
Every time I feel like I'm making progress, some little setback creeps up and reminds me that I haven't.
And it's exhausting to fake happiness to not be a nuisance to the people around me.
But I think I annoy mostly everyone I know anyway.
I've felt the same way. When I had that time, I always was worried about the people who thought I was annoying, but never the people who thought I was fun and that I made laugh. I can't be a good example, but when I tried to fit in, I always felt uncomfortable, always felt it was not my thing and ended up walking away. In University I struggled to find a group in which I felt comfortable, and the search was even painful, but I think that after a long time I have finally found them.
Yeah, I found my group of true friends around last year. It's made me feel a lot better, and I think they do accept me for who I am. It's just painful for me to look back at all those years I spent trying to fit in with the wrong crowd and always spending every day alone and unhappy.
Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 255363 times)
