Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread.  (Read 262546 times)

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Offline Grappler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2275 on: December 12, 2022, 08:02:14 PM »
I can say I'm going through something similar as well.  My mom has alzheimers.

Eight years ago, it started as short-term memory loss, where she would repeat herself a lot.  There was one dinner where she asked my wife and I the same question five times n a three minute span.  That continued for about 6 years, along with other episodes (she got lost in a parking garage and couldn't find her car).  At the time, she was also babysitting our daughter one day a week.  My dad eventually retired (I think to prevent any catastrophe while babysitting).  Their friends and people in town started to notice and ask my dad about it.  He'd explain it away as just short term memory loss from aging, but it was the elephant in the room - you couldn't talk to my mom about it.  She'd deny it.  She was brought up by a very stoic, German father, who believed that admitting weakness was bad.  She's very much like him.

During the early days of the pandemic in 2020, my dad came over to my house one morning to help me change our water heater.  Afterwards, he stood in our driveway and vented about my mom.  He'd started talking to her about her memory issues, which would lead to an all-out argument.  She'd be mad for 3 days, then forget why she was mad and nothing was wrong.  The cycle would repeat.  We started talking to him more frequently and helping him.  He was so upset with her that he was talking about divorcing her.  That scared me a bit, but he came down from that ledge and talked to my cousins (two of my mom's sisters had alzheimers) which helped.

Over the last two years, he's taken more control of the situation, arranged their finances and has been taking care of her as the disease progresses, including getting her to a neurologist for help with her memory loss.  On the weekend that my family and I moved into our new house, they had an argument, and then a day later she became physically violent towards him, throwing things.  I got all of these texts - he didn't know what to do.  My brother and I both said to call 911 and let them handle it.  She made a sarcastic suicidal comment in front of the paramedics, who threw her in the ambulance and took her to the ER.  From there, she went to a behavioral health unit for 10 days.  They adjusted her medication, which turned her into a zombie.  She has no personality, can't hold a conversation, and won't sit still.  Every 30 seconds, she gets up, but has no motivation to do anything.

He tried home help care, but she was aggressive towards them and he doesn't want to subject 3rd parties to her behavior.  Today, she became violent with him again after several months of not being that way, and reached over and grabbed the steering wheel while driving.  The behavioral health unit wouldn't take her in.  So they went home.  She kept trying to push him out of the house and make him leave, and then finally hit him over the head with the handset from the telephone.  He called 911 again and I finally said that it's time he seriously consider a permanent memory care residential facility for her.  My dad is finally on board with that after several months of us suggesting it.

We'll see how it goes, but it's so sad to see her like this.  I baby sat her one morning and she wouldn't sit down and watch the news.  She'd make sarcastic comments to me to make me stop reading a book and pay attention to her, but when I'd suggest doing something, she wouldn't want to do it.  Certain memories come back to me and I think about her during that year, realizing how quickly her disease progressed.  I hate admitting it, but in 2020, my dad was so beside himself that I started wondering if it would be a blessing if my mom got that original strain of covid and didn't survive it.  He hasn't been able to enjoy his retirement - had to quit his bowling and golf leagues, had to stop serving on the planning and zoning committee of their town, and can't travel.  If she leaves the house, she wants to go home, but when she's home, she gets depressed.  I come up with reasons to get them out of the house, like "hey, come over and help me change a light switch." 

Watching your parents age is awful.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2276 on: December 12, 2022, 08:17:32 PM »
Im so sorry.  I feel you. See the chat thread. My dad is disappearing in front of our eyes.  He won't help himself and I feel helpless like you.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.Ē - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2277 on: December 12, 2022, 08:20:59 PM »
I finally said that it's time he seriously consider a permanent memory care residential facility for her.  My dad is finally on board with that after several months of us suggesting it.

It's the best thing for them.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2278 on: December 13, 2022, 06:03:51 AM »
Well, the fact that SHE talked about moving into an assisted living facility is good. Most people go kicking and screaming. Most acclimate quite nicely and some never get over it. My wife works at a half independant/half assisted.

I wish my parents would consider such a place, but they are hell bet on buying a house, and my father is in rough shape.

Having just gone through all of this over the last year, I can attest to that being the case.  BOTH my parents were "assisted living is just the first step to dying and if we're going to die, we're going to die in our condo, this is where we love to be."   And my brother and I just couldn't leave them to their own devices. They just couldn't do it all anymore. Mom's Alzheimer's was the key; when my dad fell and broke his leg (requiring three months of extended therapy) it was, ironically, the best thing to happen to them because it FORCED Mom into assisted living and he couldn't argue that.  Then Dad went, to continue his rehab.  They both would ask periodically "when are we going back to the condo" but after a couple weeks that went away and they liked not having to cook, not having to do laundry, not having to park cars, etc.

Neither one lasted a year (one was six months, one was ten months) in assisted living, and I'm still wrestling with the idea of whether those would have been longer or shorter if they were on their own, and I'm sort of coming to the conclusion that they would have been what they are.  Dad's cancer riddled his body (we believe that it even went to his brain in the last month or so) and Mom declined PRECIPITOUSLY when Dad passed.  None of that had anything to do with "assisted living". 

Offline Grappler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2279 on: December 13, 2022, 07:39:31 AM »
Im so sorry.  I feel you. See the chat thread. My dad is disappearing in front of our eyes.  He won't help himself and I feel helpless like you.

Thanks.  My dad is a saint for what he has put up with from my mom and has given up for himself to do it.  I'll have to read the chat thread, I rarely look at that one.

I finally said that it's time he seriously consider a permanent memory care residential facility for her.  My dad is finally on board with that after several months of us suggesting it.

It's the best thing for them.

Thanks - I agree.  My dad has resisted our help, he says that it's his burden to carry and he shields my brother and I from 99.9% of my mom's behavior. When my mom is here at my house for family gatherings, she is generally fine.  But it's becoming a safety thing now, where being around her is making him unsafe, whether she acts out in the car again, or becomes violent towards him.  I think after yesterday, he's realized that she needs to be in a memory care facility and taking care of her at home is more than he can handle.  It would be different if she would just sit around and watch tv all day, but she requires full time attention and care. 

Offline Hellholming

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2280 on: December 24, 2022, 11:40:07 AM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
Professional idiot.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2281 on: December 24, 2022, 11:48:35 AM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.

Shit due, sorry to hear this. A lot of us have been there. You got friends here too, brother.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2282 on: December 24, 2022, 11:59:51 AM »
That's terrible. Exactly what TAC said.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.Ē - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline Glasser

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2283 on: December 24, 2022, 12:51:10 PM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.

Sending Heart felt positive vibes your way brother!  :metal

Offline XJDenton

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2284 on: December 24, 2022, 01:18:40 PM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.

If I could give you a bear-hug over the internet, I would.
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Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2285 on: December 24, 2022, 02:38:54 PM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.

The holidays are rough right after heartbreak. At least youíre not alone this year.
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.Ē

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Offline Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2286 on: December 25, 2022, 05:27:57 PM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.

Hang in there.  Iím a member of the club, too, and helping my stepson through it too.   Youíll get there.

Offline KevShmev

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2287 on: December 26, 2022, 10:58:30 AM »
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.

Good to see ya again (!!), but sucks to hear you are going through a bad time.  That seems to be the trend here at DTF in 2022, sadly.  Hang in there.  :hat :hat

Offline Ruba

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2288 on: December 28, 2022, 05:50:54 AM »
Sooo... I lost my internet banking credentials to a phishing text. I had just woken up from a nap so no red flags arose until just after I had given my info to a surprisingly convincing looking site. Thankfully we got the account locked down and the thieves kicked out within 15 minutes so I think I didn't lose anything, but I had to get the new information in person with the bank. With an ID. Unfortunately, my passport had gone old few years ago and I had to order a new one at the police station... which took eight days to arrive. I got the notice of its arrival an hour before the station closes and didn't see it before it was too late, so I got the next day... December 23rd. Of course, the bank had closed for the holidays that day. Now today I finally got new login information, and the first thing it asks me to do is to change my password. Unfortunately, I think I didn't pay attention to my keystrokes and probably typed in a different number that I wanted (also the user number is complicated, but I think I typed it in right). I try a few times and now my account is locked until tomorrow.

 :censored :censored :censored :censored

Thankfully I have some savings in cash so I've been able to make do and I spend the Christmas at my mom's, but it's never really fun times when you have to open the ole jam jar. Mostly I'm just kicking myself for being an eedjit.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2289 on: December 28, 2022, 06:26:34 AM »
Confession time. DTF is behind the scam....just to piss you off so much that you have to come here and post in this thread.
Sorry.

But 6 posts in a calendar year??

Good to see you anyway. ;D
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Ruba

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2290 on: December 28, 2022, 09:20:42 AM »
Hahah  :lol. Lovely to see you too Tim!

I think I'll be visiting more often, it's nice that this place is still up.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2291 on: December 28, 2022, 09:57:01 AM »
Tim, you nosey bugger! :lol
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.Ē - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2292 on: December 28, 2022, 02:44:10 PM »
Sooo... I lost my internet banking credentials to a phishing text. I had just woken up from a nap so no red flags arose until just after I had given my info to a surprisingly convincing looking site. Thankfully we got the account locked down and the thieves kicked out within 15 minutes so I think I didn't lose anything, but I had to get the new information in person with the bank. With an ID. Unfortunately, my passport had gone old few years ago and I had to order a new one at the police station... which took eight days to arrive. I got the notice of its arrival an hour before the station closes and didn't see it before it was too late, so I got the next day... December 23rd. Of course, the bank had closed for the holidays that day. Now today I finally got new login information, and the first thing it asks me to do is to change my password. Unfortunately, I think I didn't pay attention to my keystrokes and probably typed in a different number that I wanted (also the user number is complicated, but I think I typed it in right). I try a few times and now my account is locked until tomorrow.

 :censored :censored :censored :censored

Thankfully I have some savings in cash so I've been able to make do and I spend the Christmas at my mom's, but it's never really fun times when you have to open the ole jam jar. Mostly I'm just kicking myself for being an eedjit.

That's some pretty shyte password management (on the bank, not you) to not have 2 password entry fields validating them precisely so you don't run into that problem.

And yeah.. stick around a bit more often, eh!
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Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2293 on: January 04, 2023, 08:56:13 AM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.Ē

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2294 on: January 04, 2023, 09:10:32 AM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

I know it seems like thereís a mountain in front of you but you will get through this. And you will be OK.
 
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Phoenix87x

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2295 on: January 04, 2023, 10:13:25 AM »
Breakups are devastating. I am sorry to hear that you are going through that Count.

Offline cramx3

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2296 on: January 04, 2023, 11:05:05 AM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2297 on: January 04, 2023, 01:34:34 PM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.

Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.Ē

-MirrorMask

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2298 on: January 04, 2023, 02:35:11 PM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.

Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.

Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?
Everyone else, except Wolfking is wrong.

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2299 on: January 04, 2023, 03:22:40 PM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.

Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.

Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?

Right now her career is taking off which requires constant travel, and she just canít give me the time that I need from her.
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.Ē

-MirrorMask

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2300 on: January 04, 2023, 04:03:25 PM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.

Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.

Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?

Right now her career is taking off which requires constant travel, and she just canít give me the time that I need from her.

So you called it off mate?  You haven't tried to make something work?  If she were the love of my life, I'd sure as hell try and make a situation like this work?  Or you have already?
Everyone else, except Wolfking is wrong.

Offline TheCountOfNYC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2301 on: January 05, 2023, 02:55:11 AM »
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. Iíve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now thatís all gone.

Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.

Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.

Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?

Right now her career is taking off which requires constant travel, and she just canít give me the time that I need from her.

So you called it off mate?  You haven't tried to make something work?  If she were the love of my life, I'd sure as hell try and make a situation like this work?  Or you have already?

She called it off. I wanted to make it work but she felt like she was hurting me and she realized she wasnít willing to make compromises or sacrifices for my happiness the way I was for hers.
People figured out that the white thing that comes out of cows' titties could be drunk, and the relation between sweet desires and women's bellies growing up for 9 months. It can't be THAT hard to figure out how a trumpet works.Ē

-MirrorMask

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2302 on: January 05, 2023, 09:29:53 AM »
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasnít going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2303 on: January 05, 2023, 10:08:01 AM »
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasnít going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.

I didn't know how to say it, but that was my first thought as well.  It's always a red flag when someone says they are making a decision for me in that way ("she felt like she was hurting me") but however she phrased it, if she felt the work was more important than the relationship, as hard as that is to swallow, you have to and move on as best you can.

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2304 on: January 05, 2023, 10:42:38 AM »
I suppose it's likely better to kill the relationship quickly, rather than slowly deteriorate over time.  I get the sense you may have gone thru more pain, and anger, and frustration, and hurt, and resentment, and and and and if it was allowed to continue on.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2305 on: January 05, 2023, 10:51:11 AM »
All you guys have said what's true but in that moment,  it doesn't matter. Years later when in another relationship you'll thank that it ended quicker.

Right now, just don't shut down to friends. You need them in your life.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.Ē - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline cramx3

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2306 on: January 05, 2023, 11:51:09 AM »
Yeah, I think you guys all are likely making the correct point in that her letting you go was probably the right move if she wasn't willing to work with you, but in the moment, today, it's not going to make you feel any better.  Only time will do that.

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2307 on: January 05, 2023, 02:35:01 PM »
I think all points here are correct.  What Tim, Bill and Chad say is unfortunately correct. The whole 'she did it for me' kind of thinking is the biggest red flag out there I agree, but as Joe and Marc said also, right now, none of that would matter, the devastation would just be too overbearing, and clarity will only come in due time.
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2308 on: January 05, 2023, 02:56:52 PM »
I think all points here are correct.  What Tim, Bill and Chad say is unfortunately correct. The whole 'she did it for me' kind of thinking is the biggest red flag out there I agree, but as Joe and Marc said also, right now, none of that would matter, the devastation would just be too overbearing, and clarity will only come in due time.

Or metal :2metal:
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
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Offline Glasser

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2309 on: January 05, 2023, 03:12:30 PM »
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasnít going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.

Perfectly said Tim! When my last girlfriend before my wife and I broke up because she fell out of love, I literally couldn't breathe let alone sleep eat or function. It truly felt like my world ended... it took a while of soul searching and practicing self love and care that I finally realized how that relationship served a purpose to my growth, I refer to it as collateral beauty. I learned from the pain and the overall experience that I didn't need anyone but myself and when I was ok with that, eventually I met someone that I fell in love with, not needed, there is a difference.... and we now have been together 30 years with 3 amazing kids. Its true, you can't see it now but you will, please trust that.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2023, 03:49:06 PM by Glasser »