The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[wolfking]

I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.

As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result.  My dad is simply never going to be okay again.  I can see it on him every time I see him.  Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there.  Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful.  And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us. 

I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.

My wife is related to you?? 


Can't say I feel the same way about my mother as you do, but I do feel that strongly about my father. Just saw him for the first time in a year and a half yesterday, and well, he's definitely going first.

I definitely feel bad for your father. You've still got at half of your life ahead of you though. It'll get easier. It's still the first year.


@ Kev and Tom... Consider yourselves lucky. I have basically lived without my parents in my life for damn near 20 years.

That's awful Tim. I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.

Cherish you wife and kids mate.

I rarely speak to my siblings and have never spoken to cousins.  We are a fucked up miserable family too and had plenty of issues.  I don't know your situation but take comfort in your not alone in these kind of situations. 

I should cherish my parents more while they are both still here.

[Glasser]

I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.

Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?

Constant fighting and strife.

[Glasser]

I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.

As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result.  My dad is simply never going to be okay again.  I can see it on him every time I see him.  Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there.  Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful.  And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us. 

I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.

My wife is related to you?? 


Can't say I feel the same way about my mother as you do, but I do feel that strongly about my father. Just saw him for the first time in a year and a half yesterday, and well, he's definitely going first.

I definitely feel bad for your father. You've still got at half of your life ahead of you though. It'll get easier. It's still the first year.


@ Kev and Tom... Consider yourselves lucky. I have basically lived without my parents in my life for damn near 20 years.

That's awful Tim. I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.

Cherish you wife and kids mate.

I rarely speak to my siblings and have never spoken to cousins.  We are a fucked up miserable family too and had plenty of issues.  I don't know your situation but take comfort in your not alone in these kind of situations. 

I should cherish my parents more while they are both still here.

Yes, I would give anything to spend time with them again. I am very grateful for my wife and 3 amazing boys.

[TAC]

I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.

Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?

Constant fighting and strife.

As long as your conscience is clear, fuck 'em. You can't make anyone do or think anything. Take care of YOURSELF and YOUR family. They love and need you.

Plus, you have us now! 

[wolfking]

I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.

Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?

Constant fighting and strife.

As long as your conscience is clear, fuck 'em. You can't make anyone do or think anything. Take care of YOURSELF and YOUR family. They love and need you.

Plus, you have us now! 

DTF has replaced all my extended family, plus my need for children.

[Glasser]

I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.

Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?

Constant fighting and strife.

As long as your conscience is clear, fuck 'em. You can't make anyone do or think anything. Take care of YOURSELF and YOUR family. They love and need you.

Plus, you have us now! 

Thank you Tim. My conscience is crystal clear. I just don't understand how people who claim to love you can you be so cruel, BEYOND abusive, it crushes me. Yes, my DTF family are sweet and kind, I'm thankful for you all. 

[King Postwhore]

My cousin's wife passed away this morning to brain cancer.  She lit up the room with her personality.  Too damn young.

[jingle.boy]

I'm sorry to hear this King. 

[XJDenton]

Cancer is a shit. I'm sorry.

[Lonk]

Sorry to hear that King  :'(

[jingle.boy]

Cancer is a shit. I'm sorry.

F#ck cancer.  Seriously.

[Stadler]

All this talk about parents; today would have been my mom and dad's 59th wedding anniversary.  As if the Monday after a holiday isn't bad enough. 

[MetalJunkie]

All this talk about parents; today would have been my mom and dad's 59th wedding anniversary.  As if the Monday after a holiday isn't bad enough. 

Oh man. May you bask in their warm memories.

[King Postwhore]

I think about that stuff too Bill.  Here's a video of Mickey singing at her brother's Christmas show. Her brother is Gary Hoey. She was a powerful singer. I feel so bad for my cousin Larry, her husband.

https://youtu.be/HN3RwmB-FuY

[TAC]

My cousin's wife passed away this morning to brain cancer.  She lit up the room with her personality.  Too damn young.

That's awful, Joe. WTF?

All this talk about parents; today would have been my mom and dad's 59th wedding anniversary.  As if the Monday after a holiday isn't bad enough. 

Been thinking about you too, man.

[KevShmev]

My cousin's wife passed away this morning to brain cancer.  She lit up the room with her personality.  Too damn young.

Ugh, that is awful. Sorry to hear that, Joe. 

[King Postwhore]

Thanks Kev. She was truly loved. So many posts on Facebook from so many people she has touched. I feel for my cousin and their 2 daughters. 

[wolfking]

That's shit mate.  Life is really fucked up sometimes.

[Dublagent66]

I've been through a similar loss, but everyone's situation is still different.  There is no template for grieving a lost loved one.  So sorry to hear about things like this cause it hits so close to home.  Cancer is a fuckin' bitch!

[Stadler]

Thanks Kev. She was truly loved. So many posts on Facebook from so many people she has touched. I feel for my cousin and their 2 daughters.

I am very sorry.

I've been through a similar loss, but everyone's situation is still different.  There is no template for grieving a lost loved one.  So sorry to hear about things like this cause it hits so close to home.  Cancer is a fuckin' bitch!

100% THIS.  I knew it would be a tough go when either one of my parents left us, but I had no idea it would be like this. I don't mean that to say it's "worse than I imagined"; in some ways it is, in some ways it's better, believe it or not. But it's DIFFERENT.  These are not the emotions I thought I would be feeling.

Trust yourself, be kind to yourself, and LET YOURSELF GRIEVE. There are no heroes.

[Chino]

My aunt just died. I haven't talked to her in a couple years now, but it's still casting a pretty good cloud.

She didn't drive, so she called for an ambulance and checked herself into the hospital with a pretty bad UTI. They admitted her for monitoring over night. She choked on her dinner in her hospital bed, struggled to breathe, had a heart attack, was put into a medically induced coma for a couple weeks, and just had the plug pulled. Her husband has early signs of dementia and is in a live-in facility. They hated each other and haven't spoken in years, but legally all their stuff is still intertwined. It's a clusterfuck

[XJDenton]

Sorry Chino.

My Maternal Grandmother just died. She'd been deteriorating for the last 5 years or so, was on a DNR and went into assisted living in the summer, so not really a surprise (made it to her mid nineties). Still, sucks.

[Lonk]

Sorry to hear that guys :/

[Stadler]

My aunt just died. I haven't talked to her in a couple years now, but it's still casting a pretty good cloud.

She didn't drive, so she called for an ambulance and checked herself into the hospital with a pretty bad UTI. They admitted her for monitoring over night. She choked on her dinner in her hospital bed, struggled to breathe, had a heart attack, was put into a medically induced coma for a couple weeks, and just had the plug pulled. Her husband has early signs of dementia and is in a live-in facility. They hated each other and haven't spoken in years, but legally all their stuff is still intertwined. It's a clusterfuck

Dammit; it's hard when it's messy. My best to you and your family

(I didn't seen this, by the way, when I sent you that PM.)

[Stadler]

Sorry Chino.

My Maternal Grandmother just died. She'd been deteriorating for the last 5 years or so, was on a DNR and went into assisted living in the summer, so not really a surprise (made it to her mid nineties). Still, sucks.

It does; I still think about my maternal grandmother (Gram!) and she's been gone almost 30 years now.  Crazy how time flies.

All my sympathies to you and your family.

[TAC]

My maternal grandmother was the most special person I've ever known.


Oh, and In before Ben goes, "People die. Get over it." 

[JayOctavarium]

Man do I fucking hate the holidays. It's so hard to not just feel completely alone and isolated.

[King Postwhore]

Brian, I'm so sorry.

[XJDenton]

Sorry Chino.

My Maternal Grandmother just died. She'd been deteriorating for the last 5 years or so, was on a DNR and went into assisted living in the summer, so not really a surprise (made it to her mid nineties). Still, sucks.

It does; I still think about my maternal grandmother (Gram!) and she's been gone almost 30 years now.  Crazy how time flies.

All my sympathies to you and your family.

Cheers Stad. Appreciate it. All doing well as can be expected. And she was surrounded by family at the end, so its as good an ending as any of us can hope for.

[Animal]

dt

[King Postwhore]

It never goes away Animal.  My mom passed away in February of 2011.  Only 64 years old.  To this day, when something reminds me of her I well up.  The loss is always there. 

[Cool Chris]

Not really angry or depressed, but keeping with one of the themes here... my dad had major heart surgery recently. His recovery is going slowly, but as expected. My mom has been solid through all this, and despite me and my sister's repeated offers, she has declined any help from us. Until yesterday. My dad had to go back to the hospital overnight for observation (he's ok, details not important) and in talking to my mom, she sounded different for the first time during all this. I asked her again what I could do. She said dad always handled the bills and just thinking about them is overwhelming her. I told her to send me everything and I would handle it all until dad was ready to take it on again, and I could hear the weight lift from her voice.

I talked to my sister later and it was the first time she and I ever discussed needing to step up for them as they grow older. It really feels like a page is turning in our family. We knew they wouldn't live in their current house forever - it's too big for just the two of them - but this experience is probably moving up their schedule on when they downsize and move closer to my sister and I.

[TAC]

Going through something quite similar to this Chris.

[Podaar]

Yeah, my Mom (last remaining parent for Mrs. P and I) just turned 88. She lives alone, is getting a bit vague, and mildly complains about both.

In May, she started talking about selling her condo and moving into an assisted living community. My siblings and I encouraged her to do what she wishes and we would support her. Honestly, she could hire a live-in nurse or med student and put them up in her basement (she's got way more money than she'll ever need), but a community of similar aged people might be nice for her.

We took her out to dinner last night and the subject never came up. I asked her when I dropped her off if she's made any more plans on the issue. She said no, and blamed the lack of progress on no one having the time to go with her to look places over. I know from talking with my sister, that Mom never asks.

It's sad to see Mom frightened and too prideful to ask for help. But at the same time, she raised us all to be self-sufficient and fiercely independent. It's a natural consequence that we all want to give her the same respect.

Anyway, it bums me out.

[TAC]

Well, the fact that SHE talked about moving into an assisted living facility is good. Most people go kicking and screaming. Most acclimate quite nicely and some never get over it. My wife works at a half independant/half assisted.

I wish my parents would consider such a place, but they are hell bet on buying a house, and my father is in rough shape.