The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[jingle.boy]

 

I'm seriously here in tears over this.  So tragic.

[Stadler]

You got me with the last paragraph; it's your time, your story, but suffice that I experienced a very similar thing when my friend Mary passed (also of a cardiac event, also at a criminally young age). 

[wolfking]

That was a touching and heartbreaking read Harmony.  I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Podaar]

I echo everyone else, Harmony. I'm not good at this, so forgive me. I'll be thinking of you with sympathy.

[Glasser]

This mask shit, on or off?

https://www.aier.org/article/medical-journal-warns-about-maskss-potentially-devastating-consequences/

[carl320]

This mask shit, on or off?

https://www.aier.org/article/medical-journal-warns-about-maskss-potentially-devastating-consequences/

Is this even the right thread for this?
Also https://retractionwatch.com/2021/04/29/mask-study-was-misleading-and-misquotes-citations-says-elsevier/

[Glasser]

This mask shit, on or off?

https://www.aier.org/article/medical-journal-warns-about-maskss-potentially-devastating-consequences/

Is this even the right thread for this?
Also https://retractionwatch.com/2021/04/29/mask-study-was-misleading-and-misquotes-citations-says-elsevier/

It is something that confuses (upsets) me.

[XJDenton]

As an academic myself, that is rather irritating.

[ProfessorPeart]

Just got a call from a coworker. A long time coworker and friend suffered a massive heart attack this weekend and is expected to pass tonight. I talk with him all the time. I've been to his condo in Chicago several times. He sends Christmas goodies to my family every year. He worked on Thursday. We talked. Everything was fine. Now it's not. We built so much together at our job and it feels like a limb has been cut off. This is the second close friend I have lost on the job in the last 2 years. It just sucks.

Then, while reaching out to an even longer coworker and friend to let him know what is going on, he tells me his wife passed on Wednesday from cancer. He hadn't even told anyone yet. Talk about a gut punch. I lost my love for this holiday a long time ago. This has made me hate it that much more.

[TAC]

Jesus, man. WTF? That is quite an awful post. So sorry to hear all that.

[Glasser]

Just got a call from a coworker. A long time coworker and friend suffered a massive heart attack this weekend and is expected to pass tonight. I talk with him all the time. I've been to his condo in Chicago several times. He sends Christmas goodies to my family every year. He worked on Thursday. We talked. Everything was fine. Now it's not. We built so much together at our job and it feels like a limb has been cut off. This is the second close friend I have lost on the job in the last 2 years. It just sucks.

Then, while reaching out to an even longer coworker and friend to let him know what is going on, he tells me his wife passed on Wednesday from cancer. He hadn't even told anyone yet. Talk about a gut punch. I lost my love for this holiday a long time ago. This has made me hate it that much more.

I'm sick to my stomach reading this and literally feel your pain. I'm so very sorry. Sending strength and prayers to you!!!! 😞

[Cool Chris]

This isn't a jab at you Professor, as I am confident you have your reasons. But I feel bad when people do not enjoy the holiday season.

For reasons I haven't mentioned here, and won't for now, my wife is furious at my mom and is avoiding even being in the same room as her. We worked around that on Christmas as my parents were at my sister's house, and I took the kids there for a couple hours. Add to that my wife's parents had to cancel their trip here at the last minute because her dad was in too much pain due to a pinched nerve. Her sister is here at least, and everyone is in good spirits. But when my wife kept asking me what I want for Christmas, I just wanted to shout at her all I wanted was for our families to be together.

"Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store; Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

[ProfessorPeart]

But when my wife kept asking me what I want for Christmas, I just wanted to shout at her all I wanted was for our families to be together.

This is what Christmas always was to me as money was never really a thing for us. Christmas Eve was always my Dad's family and Christmas Day was Mom's. It was more about being together than anything else. Then, it's like a switch was flipped. Maybe 18 or so years ago. The gatherings just stopped. I have not had Christmas with either side of my family in that time. Actually, all gatherings seem to have stopped. They stopped on my Dad's side when my Grandma died. Not even sure what happened on Mom's, but they just stopped inviting us and then when Mom died, it's like we don't exist. My Uncle (Mom's brother) died over the Summer. He lived in Missouri. Everyone assumed that me and my sister would not show for the service. They were shocked when we walked in the room.

These last few years, Christmas has been owned by my narcissist mother-in-law. I'm not good enough. My kids aren't good enough. My wife needs to leave me and move back home to be their slave, etc. This year my daughter refused to go and I got word yesterday that my son has proclaimed he wants nothing to do with my mother-in-law and stepfather-in-law anymore. He has autism and they railed on him all week. Called him stupid and incapable of learning basic life lessons.

Next year may be my first Christmas with my family in some time. We'll see. My wife always gives into her mother. I guarantee my kids won't be going. I will honor their wishes.

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

My father has dementia and alzheimer since a couple of years and this year it has gotten worse and more noticable. He often says that he dosen't believe he's at home when he's at home. My mother has a tough time convincing him that he's infact at home.
Sometimes when I visit he want's me to drive him home because his wife (my mother) dosen't wanna call a taxi which is actually kinda funny.

Since non of my siblings lives at home anymore my mother has it really rough and that's the part that's really saddens me. I can see that it's wearing her down and it won't get easier either.
The fact that you can't really help or do anything about it is the frustrating part. I try to call and visit as often as I can, all my siblings do and be as supportive as we can.

He's slowling fading away and that thought makes me so sad.

[Glasser]

My father has dementia and alzheimer since a couple of years and this year it has gotten worse and more noticable. He often says that he dosen't believe he's at home when he's at home. My mother has a tough time convincing him that he's infact at home.
Sometimes when I visit he want's me to drive him home because his wife (my mother) dosen't wanna call a taxi which is actually kinda funny.

Since non of my siblings lives at home anymore my mother has it really rough and that's the part that's really saddens me. I can see that it's wearing her down and it won't get easier either.
The fact that you can't really help or do anything about it is the frustrating part. I try to call and visit as often as I can, all my siblings do and be as supportive as we can.

He's slowling fading away and that thought makes me so sad.

I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I know this pain, its almost like you feel guilty not being there 24/7 but having you're own responsibilities make it impossible. After losing my father to brain cancer as the pandemic started my mom has been slowly slipping away emotionally and now she will not eat or take her diabetes and blood pressure meds let alone tend to her personal hygiene. She is losing a sense of reality and she looks hollow when I look in her eyes and now she is starting to fall frequently, its horrific. Shes 71 but used to be so strong. My heart is TRULY with you and you're family. If you ever need to vent or talk please reach out. 

[MrBoom_shack-a-lack]

My father has dementia and alzheimer since a couple of years and this year it has gotten worse and more noticable. He often says that he dosen't believe he's at home when he's at home. My mother has a tough time convincing him that he's infact at home.
Sometimes when I visit he want's me to drive him home because his wife (my mother) dosen't wanna call a taxi which is actually kinda funny.

Since non of my siblings lives at home anymore my mother has it really rough and that's the part that's really saddens me. I can see that it's wearing her down and it won't get easier either.
The fact that you can't really help or do anything about it is the frustrating part. I try to call and visit as often as I can, all my siblings do and be as supportive as we can.

He's slowling fading away and that thought makes me so sad.

I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I know this pain, its almost like you feel guilty not being there 24/7 but having you're own responsibilities make it impossible. After losing my father to brain cancer as the pandemic started my mom has been slowly slipping away emotionally and now she will not eat or take her diabetes and blood pressure meds let alone tend to her personal hygiene. She is losing a sense of reality and she looks hollow when I look in her eyes and now she is starting to fall frequently, its horrific. Shes 71 but used to be so strong. My heart is TRULY with you and you're family. If you ever need to vent or talk please reach out. 

Thank you so much for the words.  I say the same about your mother, so sorry to hear that.

To see your parents become weaker is just so heartbreaking. We all have to go through it one way or the other but it's always equally hard I think.

[TAC]

My thoughts are with you, guys.

[Spiritus]

I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile).  Hope he is doing ok.

[wolfking]

I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile).  Hope he is doing ok.

I thought about him too the other day.  Couldn't help but to think negative things but yeah hopefully he's okay.

[jingle.boy]

I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile).  Hope he is doing ok.

I thought about him too the other day.  Couldn't help but to think negative things but yeah hopefully he's okay.

He got perma banned - check his post history and you'll see why.

[cramx3]

I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile).  Hope he is doing ok.

I thought about him too the other day.  Couldn't help but to think negative things but yeah hopefully he's okay.

He got perma banned - check his post history and you'll see why.

[wolfking]

Ah ha. 

[Podaar]

He never should have called Hef, bald. SMH

[JayOctavarium]

Man I've been in a funk the last week. A lot of it has to do with Ukraine. I don't have family there or any roots, and have a single friend who was born there... But what's going on is fucking awful... And I think it's been enough to push me over the edge. The constant saturation of bad news on the news (lots of other shit as well as Ukraine) as well as on Social Media has totally burned me out.

It's a bummer because social media is usually a good way for me to get away. Scrolling through FB/Tik Tok / Insta / Twitter... But now it's all just doom scrolling. Hard to get away from it though since at least 1/4 of our income comes from social media and having to follow trends and shit (part of my GFs income comes from Instagram).

I've been trying really hard, especially since I started working again, to keep a positive attitude. Meds and therapy really do help, but like .. idk.

What makes it even worse is my other half has been in a decent mood and we have plans to go do shit on my "weekend" (Tues and Wednesday), which is rare because shit in our relationship, and I'm still like "meh".

[Skeever]

I've been having a lot of health issues recently, and the anxiety is starting to get to me.
I've been sick on regular basis since my son started daycare a year ago. It IS getting better (went from a new cold/flu every week, to maybe something every 3-4 weeks). But after bout 2 of Hand, Foot, and Mouth last month, I had an incredible scare where my joints locked up and I lost like 70% of my grip strength/fine motor skills for 1-2 days. Then, last night, I was so tired and sick feeling, and I kept having chills that were causing involuntary tremors in my whole body. I just felt so sad, like something was seriously wrong with me. I can't even imagine getting some kind of horrible diagnosis and knowing that I won't be healthy enough to play as active a role in my son's life as I want. Even now, I've been letting Mommy do a lot of the heavy lifting. I've just been really sore/stiff lately, in addition to exhausted, and rarely feeling well.

Went through a whole thing with Orthopedics, doing a nerve test on my arm and everything, but nothing turned up. So next step is to talk to my GP about getting some kind of blood work done to evaluate potential arthritis.

On another note: the chills and full body tremors are something that I never experienced except as a side-effect to shot 3 of the vaccine. So now I've got that paranoia working for me.

[Dublagent66]

Not much to be happy about these days.  Small doses here and there, that's about it. 

[Lonk]

I've been having a lot of health issues recently, and the anxiety is starting to get to me.
I've been sick on regular basis since my son started daycare a year ago. It IS getting better (went from a new cold/flu every week, to maybe something every 3-4 weeks). But after bout 2 of Hand, Foot, and Mouth last month, I had an incredible scare where my joints locked up and I lost like 70% of my grip strength/fine motor skills for 1-2 days. Then, last night, I was so tired and sick feeling, and I kept having chills that were causing involuntary tremors in my whole body. I just felt so sad, like something was seriously wrong with me. I can't even imagine getting some kind of horrible diagnosis and knowing that I won't be healthy enough to play as active a role in my son's life as I want. Even now, I've been letting Mommy do a lot of the heavy lifting. I've just been really sore/stiff lately, in addition to exhausted, and rarely feeling well.

Went through a whole thing with Orthopedics, doing a nerve test on my arm and everything, but nothing turned up. So next step is to talk to my GP about getting some kind of blood work done to evaluate potential arthritis.

On another note: the chills and full body tremors are something that I never experienced except as a side-effect to shot 3 of the vaccine. So now I've got that paranoia working for me.

That's terrifying, but good that you are taking steps to see if there is a diagnosis. Hope is nothing major/serious.

[cramx3]

I've been having a lot of health issues recently, and the anxiety is starting to get to me.
I've been sick on regular basis since my son started daycare a year ago. It IS getting better (went from a new cold/flu every week, to maybe something every 3-4 weeks). But after bout 2 of Hand, Foot, and Mouth last month, I had an incredible scare where my joints locked up and I lost like 70% of my grip strength/fine motor skills for 1-2 days. Then, last night, I was so tired and sick feeling, and I kept having chills that were causing involuntary tremors in my whole body. I just felt so sad, like something was seriously wrong with me. I can't even imagine getting some kind of horrible diagnosis and knowing that I won't be healthy enough to play as active a role in my son's life as I want. Even now, I've been letting Mommy do a lot of the heavy lifting. I've just been really sore/stiff lately, in addition to exhausted, and rarely feeling well.

Went through a whole thing with Orthopedics, doing a nerve test on my arm and everything, but nothing turned up. So next step is to talk to my GP about getting some kind of blood work done to evaluate potential arthritis.

On another note: the chills and full body tremors are something that I never experienced except as a side-effect to shot 3 of the vaccine. So now I've got that paranoia working for me.

That sounds terrible and scary.  I hope the doctors can find out what's causing all this. 

[Glasser]

 I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. 

[TAC]

Much love to you, Brother. You've been an amazing addition to DTF, and your posts have quickly become one of the must reads for me.

[wolfking]

I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. 

Tom, you've kind of summed up a lot of thoughts I've had the last six months.  I kind of have a lot of thoughts I could express but I'm at my desk on my phone and wouldn't know where to start.

Just know, that you are certainly not alone in your thinking.  As Tim said, you've become an integral part of this family here and we value you greatly. 

[Cool Chris]

There was a period in the late 90s where I struggled finding reasons to enjoy life. I played the game of wondering who would show up at my funeral if I didn't wake up in the morning, and didn't come up with many answers. There were a couple, and that helped me keep going. Somewhere along the way I made some changes in my life and altered my perspective on things that improved my outlook. I wish I could pinpoint a specific event or circumstance, but looking back it was more gradual than that. No light bulb went off, no catalyst spurred the change. What I do remember is that I made the choice to not base my life around my worth to others. That sounds selfish typing it out, but what I did was to make sure I took care of myself, and found pockets of happiness wherever I could, without worrying if anyone cared about me, or what their expectations of me may be. I was the one person who I would always have to live with, so keeping that in mind helped me appreciate me more. 

Glasser, I can't say I know much about you, so I am not necessarily directing this at you. I have been questioning life lately myself, so "how did I get where I am today?" has been on my mind. I've made a ton of mistakes and hurt many people along the way to 46. Some of them still weigh on me daily. But I can't do anything about that. I will do my best to live for today, and tomorrow when I get up I will do the same.

[Stadler]

I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. 

Tom, you've kind of summed up a lot of thoughts I've had the last six months.  I kind of have a lot of thoughts I could express but I'm at my desk on my phone and wouldn't know where to start.

Just know, that you are certainly not alone in your thinking.  As Tim said, you've become an integral part of this family here and we value you greatly.

The notion of "perspective" is fascinating to me.  I read statements like this - and I'm respectful of your feelings - but then I think from my perspective, and I'm with TAC: you both bring a lot of joy and positivity to not just my life, but others here as well.  I know it's just words, but to the extent it helps you both, I look forward to talking with both of you here and experiencing your perspectives on the music (and other topics) we all share. 

Specifically for Wolfking, watching you play your guitar is always a treat, and very entertaining (in a good way).

[Glasser]

I'm sorry to dump my bullshit here as it is pathetic but this thread is here for a reason. I appreciate you all very much, and Stadler, you say they are just words but it means a lot. We all have shit to deal with but sometimes it gets to a boiling point and I question it all. I'm going through a lot right now. Without getting detailed I'm still grieving my parents passings, physical crap, emotional crap, blah blah.... I literally feel the Holidays coming and outside my wife and kids which I am grateful for, my family is gone, and sadly now I'm that grumpy guy who wants the holidays over with. I have a level of comfort here so what you all say does make a difference. I truly love this forum and the comradery. Thank you! 

[wolfking]

Thanks Bill.  I appreciate that we've been able to get a lot closer this year.  I'm doing okay I just can relate to Tom.  I still think I want to put some thoughts down to try and help Tom with his posts but it's a busy week and I have an audit going on at work this morning in an hour. 

Work is another thing that can be brought up.  This endless fucking Groundhog Day of shit over and over just to earn a living, good lord!