Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 255270 times)

Adami · « **Reply #2030 on:** September 04, 2021, 07:45:22 AM »

Quote from: JayOctavarium on September 03, 2021, 07:52:14 PM

Quote from: jingle.boy on September 03, 2021, 12:52:06 PM
Why the “welp” then?

I didn't even realize I said that

I'm just so used to being negative I guess

Glad you’re giving it a go!

Cool Chris · « **Reply #2031 on:** September 04, 2021, 12:29:46 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on September 04, 2021, 07:10:25 AM

Nah i'd love to be happy. honestly. but literally nothing works. nothing.

If you were responding to me, you might have misinterpreted. I was commenting on how we can get used to feeling a certain way, and believe that it is "normal." There was a time for me feeling sad and upset felt normal, I had forgotten that I didn't always used to feel that way. When I saw other people who felt happy all the time, I thought that was abnormal, because it wasn't my experience.

Toward your comment, unfortunately for many of us, we don't know how to translate the wanting in to having. I wish I had easy answers for you. If I did, people like Adami would be out of a job.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2032 on:** September 04, 2021, 05:23:15 PM »

My trouble is - one day I can go " fuck it im going to see my doctor about this finally..." get 5 months worth of anti depressants - get a mental health appointment with a specialist...

Then wake up the very next day like " Oh God fuck this..." throw away all my Anti DPs and just dont turn up to any more appointments.

TheCountOfNYC · « **Reply #2033 on:** November 07, 2021, 03:43:08 PM »

Today is a rough one. My chest feels tight, I feel restless no matter what I do, and I’m easily irritable to the point of lashing out verbally over the smallest of things. I’m currently hiding in my bedroom avoiding any human interaction. This post will be the closest thing I’ve had to a positive human interaction all day.

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2034 on:** November 07, 2021, 05:36:36 PM »

Been there many a times bro. Take the time you need. Maybe shower too

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2035 on:** November 12, 2021, 06:43:27 AM »

Well I tried 2 different anti-depressants - the first one did nothing after 6 weeks. The second one put me to sleep but made me incredibly restless and twitchy. And I was groggy AF the next day in work.

Both times the rest of them ended up in the drain.

Yesterday I had a 60 minute chat with a therapist and I HATED IT

I cannot bear talking about myself. It's excruciatingly embarrassing.

They were like " what do you normally do to get through the winter ? "

I was like " nothing I just put up with it "

and they said " You know you don't have to...."

All I could think of is " Yes I do. I'm fucking worthless. I deserve it. "

I can't see myself ever going back.

So yeah. Nothing helps. This is just my life now

.

Also last night I genuinely had a dream that I was on a train that was going to crash and kill everyone on it. And I was FINE with it.

I was just sitting there going " come on then. "

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2036 on:** November 12, 2021, 07:18:52 AM »

It’s very sad to hear that you aren’t even open to the slightest possibilities of things being better - almost as if you want to be depressed... that this is how you define and measure your identity.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2037 on:** November 12, 2021, 07:48:29 AM »

Almost as if i hadn't tried several things and they didn't work for me !

And no - I do not think things will ever be better.

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2038 on:** November 12, 2021, 07:52:08 AM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on November 12, 2021, 07:48:29 AM

Almost as if i hadn't tried several things and they didn't work for me !

And no - I do not think things will ever be better.

Well, seems you've convinced yourself, and you're being quite successful at achieving the outcome you expect.

Just imagine if you try to expect a different outcome?

Chino · « **Reply #2039 on:** November 12, 2021, 08:08:25 AM »

Meds aren't going to fix everything, man. You need to at least try and give them a chance to help. I'll take the time to graph it if you want proof, but the vast majority of your posts are negative. You're constantly criticizing and critiquing the most pointless stuff. You get angry and rant about the tiniest things. No amount of medication is going to help you if you consciously approach everything in that manner. Break the habit. If your only prerogative in a post is to complain, don't post it. Don't let your mind go there. Stop fueling that fire.

You very well may have wiring in your brain that causes depression, but approaching everything and speaking as you do is doing you no favors. You're further reinforcing those feelings within yourself, and it isn't helping you any.

Stadler · « **Reply #2040 on:** November 12, 2021, 09:46:54 AM »

Brian said it way better, but I'll add that there are no miracle cures. People don't lose 150 lbs. because they "love dieting!" or it's easy. They don't eat cauliflower for one meal and get instant results. It's no mistake that Bill's friends take things "one day at a time". I've been in therapy now for the better part of 15 years, and I don't see it ending anytime soon. For me, therapy is like someone else going out for a run, or doing 35 jumping jacks. It's an exercise, with long term goals.

You have to WANT to be different, and it stems from there. If you LIKE being this way, so be it, but then own it, don't complain about it every chance you get (I mean, I suppose you can, that's on you, but at some point it's going to be the boy crying wolf).

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2041 on:** November 12, 2021, 01:26:30 PM »

I'm glad I've got my drums as that genuinely does help. Plus since March 2020 i've been trying to learn some actual rudiments.

My double strokes and my 6 stroke rolls are now both up to 180 BPM.

Slow progress but progress.

Anyone see Rob "Beatdown" Brown on Youtube ? His drum lessons are so easy to understand. He makes everything so simple

like " Here's how you do doubles. Drop the stick - then snap it back with your fingers. THATS IT. Go practice ".

His videos go on a bit - BUT not the actual helpful info. " A six stroke roll is just two singles and two ghost doubles. EASY ".

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2042 on:** November 12, 2021, 01:31:33 PM »

You would be jealous of my buddy who takes Zoom classes with Todd Sucherman.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2043 on:** November 12, 2021, 01:34:12 PM »

Well..I have Drumeo Edge for a year so I can watch all of Todds Zoom classes - but not participate.

Still cool though.

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2044 on:** November 12, 2021, 01:44:08 PM »

Quote from: Kotowboy on November 12, 2021, 01:34:12 PM

Well..I have Drumeo Edge for a year so I can watch all of Todds Zoom classes - but not participate.

Still cool though.

He bought his signature ride cymbal from Sabian as well.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2045 on:** November 12, 2021, 02:53:36 PM »

>_>It's not a contest...

King Postwhore · « **Reply #2046 on:** November 12, 2021, 04:45:51 PM »

No, not at all. As a drummer the sound is clean, pristine and resonates. He put some hard work into it for sure.

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2047 on:** November 13, 2021, 01:32:55 PM »

Todd is great for sure

Kotowboy · « **Reply #2048 on:** November 14, 2021, 07:06:51 AM »

cramx3 · « **Reply #2049 on:** December 14, 2021, 10:15:13 AM »

Angry.

Worked very late last night in Frankfurt, drove to Amsterdam this morning (about 5 or so hours) checked into my hotel. I notice the toilet is full of piss. Otherwise the room seems clean and unused so I flush the toilet. I start unpacked and sit at the desk, log into work to check on things and start figuring out my gameplan for the rest of the day...I notice the toilet is still running. I go check, it's not actually running, but it sounds like it is and it won't stop. I flush and bang on it... it just keeps making the sound like a faucet is running. I grab the phone to call the front desk, phone doesn't work. So I pack up and head to the front desk to complain, they give me a new room. First thing I do is flush the toilet... same exact problem. After 15 minutes to just make sure I wasn't being impatient, I go back down (phone also doesn't work). This time the guy doesnt believe me because he said he went to the room I just left and said he didn't notice the issue. So we go back ot the new room and sure enough, it's still sounds like a faucet is running. Now I'm just flat out exhausted and very annoyed now. I say get me a room that isn't sounding like that or I'm cancelling the reservation. He goes to a different room to check, comes back saying it must be a hotel issue and he can't help me.

I should add, I had issues with my Amsterdam hotel last week when I came in for a few nights before going to Frankfurt. I don't know what is up with the hotels here, but it's pathetic. Oh and I need sleep badly.

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2050 on:** December 14, 2021, 10:50:34 AM »

You don't travel with ear plugs? I always used to... for the times when the walls were thin or some convention was in town. You get in those hotels with all the rooms on the outer walls, and just an open 'column' in the middle, and fuck does the sound from the lobby/bar travel.

Adami · « **Reply #2051 on:** December 14, 2021, 10:53:15 AM »

Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.

cramx3 · « **Reply #2052 on:** December 14, 2021, 11:04:14 AM »

Quote from: Adami on December 14, 2021, 10:53:15 AM

Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.

I was so mad, I went right to the coffeeshop down the street and got dinner and a beer after. Felt so much better, but still a bit mad.

Quote from: jingle.boy on December 14, 2021, 10:50:34 AM

You don't travel with ear plugs? I always used to... for the times when the walls were thin or some convention was in town. You get in those hotels with all the rooms on the outer walls, and just an open 'column' in the middle, and fuck does the sound from the lobby/bar travel.

No, I don't really ever use ear plugs. I've never had such an issue with the noise in a hotel like that. It was driving me insane, but I don't think just covering my ears is acceptable from a customer standpoint.

Evermind · « **Reply #2053 on:** December 14, 2021, 11:42:47 AM »

Quote from: Adami on December 14, 2021, 10:53:15 AM

Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.

I've heard everything non-essential is closed after like 5 PM though so you'll have to get high in advance.

cramx3 · « **Reply #2054 on:** December 14, 2021, 12:31:40 PM »

Quote from: Evermind on December 14, 2021, 11:42:47 AM

Quote from: Adami on December 14, 2021, 10:53:15 AM
Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.

I've heard everything non-essential is closed after like 5 PM though so you'll have to get high in advance.

So apparently the coffeeshop I went to closes at 10pm, which is the time essential shops close so I guess they consider it essential like they do for dispensaries and liqour shops in the US

but sadly they are only take out only even before 5pm. That was really the best part about a coffee shop, sitting there and using it in public. The place I went to dinner tonight, I got in at 4:40pm, they had my meal out at 4:50, and my check was there at 5pm and service was stopped although they said I could take my time eating and didnt need to immediately leave. This 5pm dining closing SUCKs especially for someone working late every day dealing with people in EST hours.

Harmony · « **Reply #2055 on:** December 16, 2021, 03:44:21 PM »

My sister died Monday night. She was 51 and in good health until this past fall. She had 2 hospitalizations since Thanksgiving and was sent home prematurely in my opinion and collapsed in her home in front of her 2 kids while my brother-in-law did CPR until the paramedics came.

I'm in hell. This is what hell must be like.

So what I don't need is for one of my brother-in-law's conservative friends to text me out of the blue and suggest I "be sure to read the death certificate and make sure it doesn't list Covid as her cause of death."

My dude, she was fully vaccinated and she's had no less than 12 Covid tests in the last 3 months - all negative - and I don't need your conspiracy theoried opinion about what I should do to further your own fucked up political agenda.

I'm writing this to say please for the love of life, don't be THAT guy to someone you know who is going through the loss of a loved one.

TAC · « **Reply #2056 on:** December 16, 2021, 03:53:34 PM »

Holy fucking shit.

I am so sorry to hear that. Fuck!

Sorry..do they know what ailed her?

jingle.boy · « **Reply #2057 on:** December 16, 2021, 04:50:22 PM »

Oh dear god... Harmony, I'm so so sorry for your loss

. I'm not sure how much it means to hear from internet friends, but my thoughts are with your and your sister's family.

Grappler · « **Reply #2058 on:** December 16, 2021, 06:08:18 PM »

So sorry to hear that Harmony!

Cool Chris · « **Reply #2059 on:** December 16, 2021, 06:25:05 PM »

Last year with Covid, when my wife was all "What do you want for your birthday/Christmas..." all I could think of was "Nothing. I don't want stuff. I have enough stuff. I want to spend time with my family." I couldn't imagine a world where I was encouraged or restricted from seeing my family. And I cannot imagine receiving news of my sister's passing.

My heart is with you Harmony.

Stadler · « **Reply #2060 on:** December 17, 2021, 06:39:46 AM »

Harmony, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you and your family have to go through that, especially at this time of year.

cramx3 · « **Reply #2061 on:** December 17, 2021, 07:05:36 AM »

Very sorry for your loss Harmony. So sad and it doesn't help to have people say stupid shit in this time. smh

Harmony · « **Reply #2062 on:** December 20, 2021, 09:07:12 AM »

Thanks guys.

It's still hard to believe she's gone and about 100 times a day I go to send her a text. Today I get her unalome tattoo on my forearm.

To answer TAC's question, it was a cardiac event. But it had been brewing and I was growing increasingly frustrated with the lack of appropriate care she was getting. She had a minor surgery in September and began having a nagging cough and high blood pressure seemingly out of the blue. No one would see her in office until she had at least 2 negative Covid tests. They diagnosed asthma, gave her antibiotics and 3 antihypertensive meds, and sent her on her way. The cough never really went away.

She then had a septum repair and a clean out of her sinuses in early November. The night before Thanksgiving she was very sick and became unresponsive. Paramedics responded and she was in the ICU with c-diff (thank you antibiotics) for 4 days. She had a lot of testing. Everything negative yet still with this cough. She went back to the ER less than a week after she came home and was admitted to another hospital because her coughing attacks made her oxygen levels drop dangerously low. They couldn't find anything and suggested it was related to her sinus surgery.

The day she died she had her post op with her ENT. Sinuses were so swollen he could not get the scope up so the plan was yet another round of steroids. Around 9 pm I got a text from her that she'd had a coughing fit and was wheezing and couldn't not catch her breath. Inhalers weren't helping. My brother-in-law was out walking the dog. She stopped responding to my texts and apparently had texted 911 to him and he called the paramedics on the run back in with the dog and found her collapsed in the entry way. He started compressions in front of my nephews until the paramedics arrived and took over. They worked on her for 45 minutes but she was in asystole and they couldn't save her.

Christmas was literally her favorite time of year. She always started listening to Christmas music the day after Labor Day. An hour or so after she passed the EMTs had put her on the sofa in front of their Christmas tree so we could have a last goodbye. Big huge flakes of beautiful fluffy snow came down, quickly blanketing the ground and making a cocoon of white outside. Funny thing is that the snow seemed to be limited to their neighborhood and no other areas in the city. And we've asked around; nobody else had snow.

I know it was her way of saying goodbye.

TAC · « **Reply #2063 on:** December 20, 2021, 09:42:14 AM »

Damn Harmony, that’s heartbreaking to read. We’ll be certainly thinking of the Harmony’s this week.

TheCountOfNYC · « **Reply #2064 on:** December 20, 2021, 10:40:58 AM »

I’m so sorry to hear this Harmony. Keeping you in my thoughts.

News: Welcome back, Mike Portnoy!

Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 255270 times)