Chris, I'm not sure how old you are but as I mentioned before I kind of understand where you are kind of coming from. Over the last 12 months, I have gotten to a point (I'm now 36) where I've also reflected and somewhat regretted my life to this point. I also started having very bad down days and even came to the thinking on a daily basis that 'what's the point in trying, striving or putting an effort into goals and aspirations when we all eventually die in the end anyway and it's all for nothing.' I was getting to a point where I was just thinking that life is pointless as the endgame is all the same for us at some point.
Very morbid thinking I know but that's where I've been heading. My job was the main driving factor behind this thinking and dealing with people especially after COVID made me even more bitter and twisted than I already was. Plus the groundhog day not excelling or really achieveing anything fulfilling. People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world. It seems to get worse. I find it harder as I get older to relate to people and I have less tolerance. I'm becoming less and less of a people person, yet I'm good at my job as a manager leading people and have great respect. I have no issue talking, but I just don't want to, and find it harder and harder to relate to people and get on their level. I feel I'm different in my thinking altogether sometimes and get that 'lost' feeling.
Saying that without going too much into it, I've decided to change my perspective on things the best I could. While I agree with you on the 'lost' comment, I'm taking strength in what I'm doing currently and how people rely and perceive me. One can feel lost, but don't look past what you already have and do. I feel that's important and overlooked. Perphaps your destiny is what you are already making it. While my life is my job and has been for years, I still have time to change, but I've been taking strength in the people that depend and rely on me. Everyone is different and is put here on this earth for different reasons. I've kind of accepted to this point, that I'm the foundation of my career and business and while people come and go, everyone under me has the ability to do what they please and come and go, because they know I'm there to pick up the pieces. While that's annoying and I've been shit on by people for years and years, I now use that as strength and tell myself I'm a good person that does anything for people I care about and that means something.
I too have regret and wish I was 26 and not 36 but it's hard to get out of a rut, but you can change and try and get more purpose in your life. How you do that though, I don't know, but getting strength and comfort for what I currently do well is helping me out a lot in this point in time.
I think we all need to stop thinking 'what if?' You can say that til the cows come home, but nothing will change. Look forward and keep trying to better yourself and hopefully you can find some strength within yourself to get some sort of fulfillment to your life. It's hard, I know. I think a lot of us are 'lost' and keep in mind, you're not the only one feeling the way you do, it's just not talked about.
I hope some of that makes sense. And apologies if I made that about me Chris, I know it sounds like that but thought some other perspectives might help you.
EDIT: I should add, fwiw, I've never had therapy of any kind and never taken any meds. So maybe I'm mild compared to others, so excuse if what I'm saying is trivial compared to what you other lads go through.