Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread.  (Read 181630 times)

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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1890 on: January 29, 2021, 03:30:11 AM »
People are always telling me to go see someone - but it's 2021.

Complaining about being miserable right now is like going outdoors in a monsoon and complaining about being wet.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1891 on: January 29, 2021, 07:36:59 AM »
To Jay: if you're really wanting to see someone that bad, don't give up.  I know with my therapist, it was an in-person conversation that got me where I needed to go.  Once she saw I was serious about getting help, and willing to do the hard work, we figured out a way (I submitted her sessions to my insurance as "out of network", covering the rest with flex, until she could get in network (which she wanted to do anyway).  It was similar with the doctor that my daughter was seeing over the summer (and now they made arrangements to continue her therapy while she's in Dallas).

It's harder than it ought to be, no doubt at all, but where there's a will there's a way.

To Kotowboy:  I'm sorry if this seems insensitive, but I don't buy into the 2020 memes and this idea that we have to be miserable because the last 10 months weren't all roses and Hershey's kisses.  This life is YOUR life.  That it might irredeemably suck for someone else doesn't mean it has to suck for you. That someone else is willing to wallow in the moment, and surrender their power to a trope is on them; if you want to be better, be happier, be more in touch with yourself and your surroundings, get the help.    To bastardize your analogy, just because it's monsooning, doesn't mean I shouldn't use an umbrella and put on a rain slicker.

Offline Kotowboy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1892 on: January 29, 2021, 08:07:53 AM »
I'm not NOT going to see a doc because of 2020 memes - but i'm sure they'd be thrilled that I was the 451st person to claim to have depression that week.


Also just saying it makes me squirm. Like - everyone online who's a bit sad says they have 'depression'. So I just feel like an idiot saying it too since I might not actually be

and i'm just a miserable prick.  :lol

And i'm not one of those blokes who never goes to a doc - as I phoned mine yesterday about something - which might not seem much - but I wanted advice...

A few people have independently said I might have some kind of Aspergers too - but meh - so what ? I am either am or i'm not.

-
I've thought about it a few times and very nearly phoned up to make an appointment. But then I just imagine them

going " hello - what is the problem ? " and me sheepishly and timidly going " um... I think i'm depressed  :blush " and the receptionist going

"................ok..............why? " and then i literally forget anything bad that's ever happened to me and I hang up.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2021, 08:13:13 AM by Kotowboy »

Offline cramx3

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1893 on: January 29, 2021, 08:23:51 AM »
How about you make the call and actually see what happens and not play mental games of what it may be like?

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1894 on: January 29, 2021, 02:35:53 PM »
If I could ethically just see my cousin (who technically doesn't take me insurance though) I would totally just talk to her :lol  . She's always been my unofficial therapist. But the problem is, besides the whole ethical part of it.... A lot of my issues stem from my Stepmother. My cousin absolutely hates my Stepmother. Lmfao

I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1895 on: January 31, 2021, 06:10:07 AM »
Complaining about being miserable right now is like going outdoors in a monsoon and complaining about being wet.

Your misery has nothing to do with the year.  Don't mean to trigger you, but your posts constantly carry an air of misery to them.  For your sake, I wish you'd do something to address it.  Anything other than just ranting and venting on the internets.  You're not healthy, man.
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Offline IDontNotDoThings

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1896 on: January 31, 2021, 05:56:05 PM »
I'm not NOT going to see a doc because of 2020 memes - but i'm sure they'd be thrilled that I was the 451st person to claim to have depression that week.

I don't see why they wouldn't be willing to get more work. It's a livelihood, & although I'm sure they aren't happy that current world events are making more people sad in the first place, they wouldn't have much to gain by disregarding someone who they could help.

Also just saying it makes me squirm. Like - everyone online who's a bit sad says they have 'depression'. So I just feel like an idiot saying it too since I might not actually be and i'm just a miserable prick.  :lol

Well it is true that there's a difference between depression the mood & depression the disorder, & many people do tend to confuse the two, but therapists can help with both. After all, people without mental disorders can have struggles interpreting their thoughts too, & I don't think there's any shame in admitting that.

A few people have independently said I might have some kind of Aspergers too - but meh - so what ? I am either am or i'm not.

As someone on the spectrum myself, this is a perfectly valid outlook to have. Therapists can help explain how to mitigate some of the abnormal behaviours someone has if the person wants them to, but if they're not making your life worse, then there's not much reason to.


I've thought about it a few times and very nearly phoned up to make an appointment. But then I just imagine them

going " hello - what is the problem ? " and me sheepishly and timidly going " um... I think i'm depressed  :blush " and the receptionist going

"................ok..............why? " and then i literally forget anything bad that's ever happened to me and I hang up.

It's not really a receptionist's job to assess the issues. I suppose they could give advice on which therapists to recommend, but therapists can be pretty flexible with the amount of issues they can help with. The actual advice is given between you & the therapist, & like I said, they don't have much incentive to gatekeep what is & isn't a "real" issue. Some people aren't qualified to give advice on specific things, but if said things come up, they'll probably be able to point you in the right direction to someone who is.

If memory is an issue with you, I'd recommend keeping a diary to write in whenever something comes up. It doesn't have to be an essay on each thing, but you can write in a similar format to a post like this, except in the diary instead. That way, you can refresh yourself before a session.

Now, I'm not saying all of this because I want to sell you on therapy, but the tone of this post makes me think that you actually want to but are giving yourself excuses not to out of fear. I think you at least should give it a try if it's been on your mind lately.

Online Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1897 on: February 01, 2021, 07:16:17 AM »
My stepson is on the spectrum; the two "best" things to help him grow and progress have been a) his diagnosis of being on the spectrum, and b) the therapy he's received subsequent to that.   I say diagnosis, because prior to that, most of the responses have been behaviorially oriented, involving punishment.  At one point he was being physically restrained at school at a shocking frequency (a discussion for another thread).   Almost immediately, the understanding that he was on the spectrum changed the approach and he LITERALLY has not been restrained even once since the date his in-depth psychological study report was issued.

The therapy has helped him to cope with how he thinks and how he views the world, and how he can more productively interact with those that perhaps view the world a little different.  It's not been fool-proof or without issue, but certainly even just helping him deal with his anger issues has been a benefit for him and those around him.

It's my opinion only, and I'm not really prepared to argue this other than to say "to each their own, no judgment", but I personally believe those that say "I don't need therapy" are likely those that need it most.  Even those that do have an understanding of their emotions, those that are being honest with themselves, can benefit from the different perspective of someone with knowledge in the way we work and interact, even if that is just an alternative non-judgmental perspective, or a periodic time out to test things with few or no consequences.   We live in a complicated and rapidly changing environment, and sometimes it helps to sort that which is truly new and that which is a familiar thing wrapped in a new cloak.

Offline JayOctavarium

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1898 on: February 01, 2021, 09:04:18 PM »
Welp.

Spoke with my Primary Doc today.

He actually helped my anxiety about finding the right therapist. Still looking. He also said if I put together a list, he'd be happy to look at them and give his recommendations if I wanted it.

He also started me on an SSRI to help with the depression and anxiety. I've never been on any form of meds (outside of my BP meds, and a short stint on a Non Stimulant ADHD med in Middle School), so this will be interesting.
I just don't understand what they were trying to achieve with any part of the song, either individually or as a whole. You know what? It's the Platypus of Dream Theater songs. That bill doesn't go with that tail, or that strange little furry body, or those webbed feet, and oh god why does it have venomous spurs!? And then you find out it lays eggs too. The difference is that the Platypus is somehow functional despite being a crazy mishmash or leftover animal pieces

-BlobVanDam on "Scarred"

Offline Cool Chris

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1899 on: February 01, 2021, 09:36:53 PM »
He also started me on an SSRI to help with the depression and anxiety. I've never been on any form of meds (outside of my BP meds, and a short stint on a Non Stimulant ADHD med in Middle School), so this will be interesting.

I was Rx'ed those years ago when I felt something was wrong. They ended up helping, though it took a few weeks for me to recognize any affects, which were generally positive. I took meds for many years without seeking counseling and realized I was not fully addressing any of my problems.
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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1900 on: February 16, 2021, 11:29:04 PM »
Any updates Jay?

Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general?  If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.

I started typing out more about how I felt but it is late, I am tired, and it wasn't making any sense, so I deleted it. Just wanted to get that off my virtual chest.
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1901 on: February 17, 2021, 03:26:18 AM »
.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2021, 08:15:54 AM by Kotowboy »

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1902 on: February 17, 2021, 05:11:03 AM »
Any updates Jay?

Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general?  If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.

I started typing out more about how I felt but it is late, I am tired, and it wasn't making any sense, so I deleted it. Just wanted to get that off my virtual chest.

I don't know what's "normal", but it's common.   I've talked about that a fair amount in my therapy.   Keep writing; even if you don't post anything, I've found that putting the words out there, on paper or in the air, takes away a lot of their "power". 

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1903 on: February 17, 2021, 05:37:00 AM »
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general?  If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.

I don't know Chris...I read this and I guess I don't understand. Those people (wife and kids) are probably pretty happy to see you each day.

Maybe you're getting older and experiencing some regret, like sometimes I think, jeesh what have I done? Cure cancer..nope. Solve hunger..nope. Create a really cool app....nope.

But then I remember that I treat people I encounter with respect and dignity, and I derive self satisfaction from that. I take pride in not being an asshole. At the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror.

Is life really a house of cards? Probably, but the only threat to that is self doubt. Doing the right thing should provide fortification.

"What makes you?" Well, what are your thoughts? Your beliefs? They're all important and your place is is defined by them.
I also think the "What makes me" question can be a never ending search, and since it never ends, it's conceivable there'll be some disappointment in attaining it But I kind of view it as a dog chasing its tail. Happy is the dog that stops and licks his balls.

« Last Edit: February 17, 2021, 08:10:12 AM by TAC »
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1904 on: February 17, 2021, 06:11:27 AM »
Excellent post, Tim. I’ll try to offer some more thoughts later at my laptop, but the biggest takeaway here for me is that I think I’ve found a new tag line / catch phrase.
If I can do it, it's idiot proof..
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Offline Kotowboy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1905 on: February 17, 2021, 06:45:50 AM »
.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2021, 08:15:36 AM by Kotowboy »

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1906 on: February 17, 2021, 07:59:06 AM »
Excellent post, Tim. I’ll try to offer some more thoughts later at my laptop, but the biggest takeaway here for me is that I think I’ve found a new tag line / catch phrase.

I'm already trying to get it on a t-shirt.  ;)   

We laugh, but he's right, though.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1907 on: February 17, 2021, 12:48:19 PM »
It's my opinion only, and I'm not really prepared to argue this other than to say "to each their own, no judgment", but I personally believe those that say "I don't need therapy" are likely those that need it most.  Even those that do have an understanding of their emotions, those that are being honest with themselves, can benefit from the different perspective of someone with knowledge in the way we work and interact, even if that is just an alternative non-judgmental perspective, or a periodic time out to test things with few or no consequences.   We live in a complicated and rapidly changing environment, and sometimes it helps to sort that which is truly new and that which is a familiar thing wrapped in a new cloak.


I've been in therapy with the same therapist now for 12 years.  Now, would I have been prepared to admit that on a public forum 12 or even 5 years ago?  Not a chance!  I kept it to myself for a long time and even now I'm not out broadcasting it all over the place.  That said, I don't mind revealing it here because there is still a stubborn and pervasive perception of "weakness" associated with someone seeking professional help which is completely ass-backwards.  It's "weakness" that prevents us from seeking professional help.  Weakness and the ugly stigma that accompanies any mention of psychiatric or emotional "support" or "help" or "therapy" etc. 


I cannot say for sure what my life would be like today had I not sought help 12 years ago, but what I can tell you is that while my life is far from perfect I am a pretty well-adjusted and generally satisfied person and I am optimistic about the future and really looking forward to my retirement and spoiling my grandkids as I approach my "golden years." (had to work an Iron Maiden reference in there!).


There is no weakness in asking for help.  But don't do it because some people on a message board said you should.  Do it because you want to feel better.  If you don't believe that therapy with a professional will help you, well, prove it to yourself.  Go to....3 or 4 sessions and try it out.  You may not necessarily make a connection with your first therapist but you should not just write it off if you don't like the first one you meet.  It took me 3 therapists before I found Beth, who is like my big sister.  Only a very smart, shrewd, compassionate and caring sister who is invested in my happiness and success.  For me it all seemed very...contrived...at first.  Like, OK, I give you money and you sit and listen to me fucking whine about my job, my wife, the fucking morons at work, the traffic, etc. etc. etc. But the longer I went and the better Beth got to know me, the better she got at helping to guide me.  Pretty soon I started to realize that my life didn't really suck anymore.  I wasn't pissed off all the time.  I actually looked forward to stuff.  Medication definitely played a role here but I never would have even found my way to that medication had I not hooked up with Beth, who recommended to me at one point about 7 years ago that I was suffering from PTSD and probably clinical depression of one sort or another and it would be a good idea for me to consult with a psychiatrist.  By then she had earned my trust and respect so I took her advice - that was about 5 years ago and I have been on antidepressants ever since, which have improved my life quite a bit.  It took a while but eventually the medication lifted me out of some pretty dark times and between that and therapy every week for 45 minutes with my friend Beth.  It's a professional relationship, yes, but I just think of her as a friend that I talk to each week for 45 minutes.


tl;dr version: Therapy - don't knock it 'till you've made an honest effort with it.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1908 on: February 17, 2021, 01:19:36 PM »
tl;dr version: Therapy - don't knock it 'till you've made an honest effort with it.

There isn't an emoji powerful enough to express my agreement at that statement.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1909 on: February 17, 2021, 01:31:12 PM »
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up.  I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others.  Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them.  I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles.  This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping. 

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1910 on: February 17, 2021, 01:39:15 PM »
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general?  If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.

I don't know Chris...I read this and I guess I don't understand. Those people (wife and kids) are probably pretty happy to see you each day.

Maybe you're getting older and experiencing some regret, like sometimes I think, jeesh what have I done? Cure cancer..nope. Solve hunger..nope. Create a really cool app....nope.

But then I remember that I treat people I encounter with respect and dignity, and I derive self satisfaction from that. I take pride in not being an asshole. At the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror.

Is life really a house of cards? Probably, but the only threat to that is self doubt. Doing the right thing should provide fortification.

"What makes you?" Well, what are your thoughts? Your beliefs? They're all important and your place is is defined by them.
I also think the "What makes me" question can be a never ending search, and since it never ends, it's conceivable there'll be some disappointment in attaining it But I kind of view it as a dog chasing its tail. Happy is the dog that stops and licks his balls.

This is a really great post.  I may offer some thoughts later as I've struggled off and on lately with what Chris is saying.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1911 on: February 17, 2021, 02:10:19 PM »
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up.  I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others.  Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them.  I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles.  This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping.


It's a good thing, for sure, but it has its limitations and there are dangers there too.  I only mention this because there was another community I was a regular posting member of for a few years where I thought I was among friends but it turned out that quite a few of them were doxxing me while simultaneously acting as if they were my friends and had no idea who was doing the doxxing.  Now, at the time the people doing the doxxing had no way of knowing that everything they put out about me was public information that I had no problem with it being public but when they started posting my home address, phone numbers, company name where I work, phone number where I work, name of some of my co-workers, I had a bit of an "ah-ha" moment where I realized that not everyone online is who they say they are and the relative anonymity of the internet can turn some people into first class fucking assholes.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1912 on: February 17, 2021, 02:20:35 PM »
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up.  I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others.  Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them.  I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles.  This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping.


It's a good thing, for sure, but it has its limitations and there are dangers there too.  I only mention this because there was another community I was a regular posting member of for a few years where I thought I was among friends but it turned out that quite a few of them were doxxing me while simultaneously acting as if they were my friends and had no idea who was doing the doxxing.  Now, at the time the people doing the doxxing had no way of knowing that everything they put out about me was public information that I had no problem with it being public but when they started posting my home address, phone numbers, company name where I work, phone number where I work, name of some of my co-workers, I had a bit of an "ah-ha" moment where I realized that not everyone online is who they say they are and the relative anonymity of the internet can turn some people into first class fucking assholes.

That's fucked up, especially coming from a community where you are opening up about yourself.  Doxxing is pretty messed up and definitely a danger of social media.  I do think social media is pretty much shit for the most part, but I only recently noticed some of the positives coming out.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact so many are stuck home, feeling depressed, and there's no one to talk to about it. (I mean, there always is, but it's not always so easy to see a therapist for some people).

Offline Cool Chris

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1913 on: February 17, 2021, 10:30:51 PM »
I don't know Chris...I read this and I guess I don't understand. Those people (wife and kids) are probably pretty happy to see you each day.

If I gave the impression I thought otherwise, that was not my intention.

Maybe you're getting older and experiencing some regret, like sometimes I think, jeesh what have I done? Cure cancer..nope. Solve hunger..nope. Create a really cool app....nope.

But then I remember that I treat people I encounter with respect and dignity, and I derive self satisfaction from that. I take pride in not being an asshole. At the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror.

My list of regrets goes on for days. I try not to dwell on them, but they creep to the forefront of my mind often. Some of them are tangible - my job history, my income; many of them involve my actions that have hurt others. Often I wonder how I "fell off the tracks" somewhere along the way, and have been fighting to get back on ever since.

"What makes you?" Well, what are your thoughts? Your beliefs? They're all important and your place is is defined by them.

I don't know what my thoughts and beliefs are. I know I love my family, and they love me. Beyond that, it is murky.
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Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1914 on: February 18, 2021, 12:02:15 AM »
Chris, I'm not sure how old you are but as I mentioned before I kind of understand where you are kind of coming from.  Over the last 12 months, I have gotten to a point (I'm now 36) where I've also reflected and somewhat regretted my life to this point.  I also started having very bad down days and even came to the thinking on a daily basis that 'what's the point in trying, striving or putting an effort into goals and aspirations when we all eventually die in the end anyway and it's all for nothing.'  I was getting to a point where I was just thinking that life is pointless as the endgame is all the same for us at some point.

Very morbid thinking I know but that's where I've been heading.  My job was the main driving factor behind this thinking and dealing with people especially after COVID made me even more bitter and twisted than I already was.  Plus the groundhog day not excelling or really achieveing anything fulfilling.  People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.  It seems to get worse.  I find it harder as I get older to relate to people and I have less tolerance.  I'm becoming less and less of a people person, yet I'm good at my job as a manager leading people and have great respect.  I have no issue talking, but I just don't want to, and find it harder and harder to relate to people and get on their level.  I feel I'm different in my thinking altogether sometimes and get that 'lost' feeling.

Saying that without going too much into it, I've decided to change my perspective on things the best I could.  While I agree with you on the 'lost' comment, I'm taking strength in what I'm doing currently and how people rely and perceive me.  One can feel lost, but don't look past what you already have and do.  I feel that's important and overlooked.  Perphaps your destiny is what you are already making it.  While my life is my job and has been for years, I still have time to change, but I've been taking strength in the people that depend and rely on me.  Everyone is different and is put here on this earth for different reasons.  I've kind of accepted to this point, that I'm the foundation of my career and business and while people come and go, everyone under me has the ability to do what they please and come and go, because they know I'm there to pick up the pieces.  While that's annoying and I've been shit on by people for years and years, I now use that as strength and tell myself I'm a good person that does anything for people I care about and that means something.

I too have regret and wish I was 26 and not 36 but it's hard to get out of a rut, but you can change and try and get more purpose in your life.  How you do that though, I don't know, but getting strength and comfort for what I currently do well is helping me out a lot in this point in time.

I think we all need to stop thinking 'what if?' You can say that til the cows come home, but nothing will change.  Look forward and keep trying to better yourself and hopefully you can find some strength within yourself to get some sort of fulfillment to your life.  It's hard, I know.  I think a lot of us are 'lost' and keep in mind, you're not the only one feeling the way you do, it's just not talked about.

I hope some of that makes sense.  And apologies if I made that about me Chris, I know it sounds like that but thought some other perspectives might help you.

EDIT:  I should add, fwiw, I've never had therapy of any kind and never taken any meds.  So maybe I'm mild compared to others, so excuse if what I'm saying is trivial compared to what you other lads go through.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1915 on: February 18, 2021, 01:38:31 AM »
tl;dr version: Therapy - don't knock it 'till you've made an honest effort with it.

Similarly to how people go to a physician or to a dentist on a semi-regular basis (or anything related to physical well-being) I think it would be benifical for everyone to visit a therapist every once in a while, or anyone who can focus on your emotional well-being.
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1916 on: February 18, 2021, 05:19:37 AM »
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general?  If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.

I started typing out more about how I felt but it is late, I am tired, and it wasn't making any sense, so I deleted it. Just wanted to get that off my virtual chest.

I try to keep myself balanced across my four primary roles and reasons for being on this planet - employee, father, husband, and a man (the latter all being about myself).  Your post above Chris suggests you're ok with the father and husband part (and your kids are freakin adorable - at least, based on SS vids  ;)).  I can't remember your work situation with COVID, but that might be dragging you down a bit, and then there's the last part.  I'm no therapist, and don't have all answers as to what works for people to keep themselves ... fulfilled and satisfied ... as an individual.  One of the hardest parts in balancing my four reasons for being is in doing the things I love to do, regardless of what others think about it (including my wife and kids).  Sometimes the hardest part about *that* is knowing what those things are.  But once you know what you love to do, do it.

I remember reading a line from a self-help book once years ago that went something like this: No one was put on this Earth to take care of you (other than your parents, and their job was done a long time ago).  I firmly believe that no one cares more about your own happiness than yourself.  That includes spouses - I love mrs.jingle to death (and she does me as well), my happiness is not her responsibility.  That's a terrible burden to lay on anyone.

To some degree, I went thru a bit of what you mention during my worst bouts of depression in the mid 2010s.  I simply existed as a father, as an employee, and as a husband (in that order of priority).  I didn't do much of anything for my marriage or myself (some might remember me coming and going from DTF on more than a couple of occasions), and to a large degree I didn't care too much about those parts of my identity.  I hope those aren't the things you're going thru, but rather just a general malaise.  I suspect it may be a function of the totality of the pandemic.  I know it's dragging on mrs.jingle quite a bit - she already suffers from SAD, and February's are the worst.  The pandemic is just exacerbating it.

Not sure if any of that helps, but those are the thoughts that come to mind as I read your post. 
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Offline Podaar

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1917 on: February 18, 2021, 06:45:04 AM »
I don't know if this helps anyone else, but this has always been comforting to me and puts a brightness into each of my days.

“The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.” ― Carl Sagan
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1918 on: February 18, 2021, 07:01:31 AM »
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up.  I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others.  Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them.  I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles.  This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping.


It's a good thing, for sure, but it has its limitations and there are dangers there too.  I only mention this because there was another community I was a regular posting member of for a few years where I thought I was among friends but it turned out that quite a few of them were doxxing me while simultaneously acting as if they were my friends and had no idea who was doing the doxxing.  Now, at the time the people doing the doxxing had no way of knowing that everything they put out about me was public information that I had no problem with it being public but when they started posting my home address, phone numbers, company name where I work, phone number where I work, name of some of my co-workers, I had a bit of an "ah-ha" moment where I realized that not everyone online is who they say they are and the relative anonymity of the internet can turn some people into first class fucking assholes.

Wow, that sucks (seriously; I'm sorry that happened to you) but even if it doesn't go that far, there's only so much that "support" can give you.   I feel like you still have to do the hard work.  In a social media situation it's still far too easy to sort our the things you WANT to hear, versus the things you NEED to hear.  I know for me, therapy has been, among other things, THE most humbling experience of my life.  We're not always who we THINK we are, or who we PROJECT we are, and that realization is CRITICAL to any self-growth (and why, if I may, my ex has experienced zero personal growth in 15 years).  And I'm showing my bias now, I know, but there's a degree to which this isn't a victim show; the one-on-one is important to keep things focused on the message and the meaning without the spectacle of a public coming out party.   Finally, the therapist, if selected appropriately, is a trained professional, who can spot patterns, spot deeper issues, and can prepare a treatment plan to bring you to where you need/want to be.   IMO, only, and I know that, but for me, online social media support groups are a first step to admitting there is a problem, but not the totality of the treatment.   

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1919 on: February 18, 2021, 07:36:31 AM »
People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.

Borther, friend, if it matters to you, I have this discussion with my therapist FREQUENTLY.    I remember my first session with her, back in 2012 or so, and she started with "why are you here?" and my answer was "to try to get some perspective".  It's only more recently that the "don't fit in this world" part has come up, but trust me when I say, it's not an absolute, objective state of being.   

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1920 on: February 18, 2021, 01:12:43 PM »
People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.

Borther, friend, if it matters to you, I have this discussion with my therapist FREQUENTLY.    I remember my first session with her, back in 2012 or so, and she started with "why are you here?" and my answer was "to try to get some perspective".  It's only more recently that the "don't fit in this world" part has come up, but trust me when I say, it's not an absolute, objective state of being.

Interesting mate that that term came in recently for you after bringing the initial perspective issue years ago.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1921 on: February 18, 2021, 11:27:48 PM »
I'm still looking. I've researched and reached out to a few and they've all came back to say they aren't accepting new patients. It's been discouraging... So I set it aside for a bit. I'll probably start looking again next week. As far as the antidepressants... It'll be a while before I trust to judge it.
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1922 on: February 19, 2021, 07:31:01 AM »
People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.

Borther, friend, if it matters to you, I have this discussion with my therapist FREQUENTLY.    I remember my first session with her, back in 2012 or so, and she started with "why are you here?" and my answer was "to try to get some perspective".  It's only more recently that the "don't fit in this world" part has come up, but trust me when I say, it's not an absolute, objective state of being.

Interesting mate that that term came in recently for you after bringing the initial perspective issue years ago.

It's an evolving process; the "perspective" was a general thing (including, then, work, drinking, living the single life after having been married for 15 years, the last 5 or so largely void of intimacy).  We've kind of gotten past the very specific things, and "peeled back the onion" so to speak as to why those feelings remain even though I don't drink excessively on most standards, I'm faithful in a monogamous marriage, and my work is in decent balance.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1923 on: February 20, 2021, 08:59:39 PM »
Saying that without going too much into it, I've decided to change my perspective on things the best I could.  While I agree with you on the 'lost' comment, I'm taking strength in what I'm doing currently and how people rely and perceive me.  One can feel lost, but don't look past what you already have and do.  I feel that's important and overlooked…. Everyone is different and is put here on this earth for different reasons. 
I too have regret and wish I was 26 and not 36 but it's hard to get out of a rut, but you can change and try and get more purpose in your life.  How you do that though, I don't know, but getting strength and comfort for what I currently do well is helping me out a lot in this point in time.

I am 44. Those are some solid thoughts, thank you for sharing.

One of the hardest parts in balancing my four reasons for being is in doing the things I love to do, regardless of what others think about it (including my wife and kids).  Sometimes the hardest part about *that* is knowing what those things are.  But once you know what you love to do, do it.

Until I got married, most of my identity, doing the things I love, involved clubs, bars, women and video games. That was it. Since I obviously cannot partake in those activities (though for a while I was doing the bars and clubs, to a much smaller degree...), I haven't found anything to fill that void. Of course I am much busier now with two kids (thank you for the kind words, by the way, I do enjoy showing them off, and try not to do so in an obnoxious "my kids are the greatest" way), and most of my joy comes from them and the happiness they bring to the family. Outside of them, though, is when I feel most like I am just “existing” as opposed to “living.”
"Nostalgia is just the ability to forget the things that sucked" - Nelson DeMille, 'Up Country'

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #1924 on: February 21, 2021, 06:25:34 AM »
One of the hardest parts in balancing my four reasons for being is in doing the things I love to do, regardless of what others think about it (including my wife and kids).  Sometimes the hardest part about *that* is knowing what those things are.  But once you know what you love to do, do it.

Until I got married, most of my identity, doing the things I love, involved clubs, bars, women and video games. That was it. Since I obviously cannot partake in those activities (though for a while I was doing the bars and clubs, to a much smaller degree...), I haven't found anything to fill that void. Of course I am much busier now with two kids (thank you for the kind words, by the way, I do enjoy showing them off, and try not to do so in an obnoxious "my kids are the greatest" way), and most of my joy comes from them and the happiness they bring to the family. Outside of them, though, is when I feel most like I am just “existing” as opposed to “living.”

When your kids are young, it's VERY easy to allow the role of Father to be the dominant one - and imo, that's ok.  For starters, their primary (only?) role is Child (and I guess to some extent student and sibling).  They really don't have their own identity (well they do, but they don't have any independence associated with it - if that makes any sense).  Second, and more importantly, you'll never get those years back.  Once they hit their pre-teens and teens, they gradually start to find and explore their own identity.  By the end of their teens, their role as Child is no longer the most important one - it's probably 3rd or 4th on the list.  Accept (and enjoy) your role as Father being your primary one.  It'll change soon enough.  My suggestion is to work a little bit on finding 'you' things.  I didn't (nor did mrs.jingle), and it took a long time to transition out of our roles as parents being our primary purpose - and it was a bumpy ride for our marriage.
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