The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[nightmare_cinema]

Thank you x

I always feel like it looks as though I make half of the shit up about my life

[wkiml]

Those of you who are my friends on facebook already are aware, but for those that aren't my mom passed Wednesday night. My sister,brother and I were with her most of the evening. We had just stepped out of the room when she left us. I guess she didn't want to pass in our presence. While my brother and sister grieve I am taking a different approach  my mom had her last rites read to her 40 years ago. She managed thru the grace of God to beat her disease. I choose  to cherisb the fact that I was able to enjoy her love and guidance for another 40 years.She was my hero my friend my mentor. Mom rest in peace and know that everything you have taught me I am passing down to.my children

[Akasha]

So sorry to the news.

[nightmare_cinema]

wkiml, I'm so so sorry to hear of your Mom passing. I think it says a lot about your relationship that you're trying/choosing to focus on everything she gave you during her life, and how you can carry that on to your own family. Grief is a really crazy and horrible thing that can take many, many months to sort through. I wrote in a blog when I lost my mum, getting it out onto the page meant I could let it go from my head for a little while and really helped, and is interesting to look back on, just something you might wanna consider someday if it's a struggle for you. All my thoughts and love n shit x

[wkiml]

Akasha/Nightmare and those that sent PM's   thank you for your kind words they are much appreciated

2012 was a terrible year all around...looking forward to more positive things in 2013

[Akasha]

Akasha/Nightmare and those that sent PM's   thank you for your kind words they are much appreciated

2012 was a terrible year all around...looking forward to more positive things in 2013

You are welcome. 

[Akasha]

2013 has not started out the best. Monday a police officer who was a regular customer were I work at died in a fiery crash while on his way to another accident. He died at intersection where I work at.  Now on to Monday, a women I use to work with messaged me and asked me if I heard about another women we use to work with died? Not sure when she died, but she left 2 teenagers behind. She had a heart attack. Now on to yesterday, my Mom texted me while at work and told me my great uncle died on 12/28. He was 92. So yeah 2013 has started out with a bang from hell.

[wkiml]

wow...so sorry to hear about all this in such a short period of time . Sometime life seems so unfair.

My greatest fear is my own mortality, being a single dad of 3 teenage boys, I have no idea what they would do if something were to happen to me

[lonestar]

2013 has not started out the best. Monday a police officer who was a regular customer were I work at died in a fiery crash while on his way to another accident. He died at intersection where I work at.  Now on to Monday, a women I use to work with messaged me and asked me if I heard about another women we use to work with died? Not sure when she died, but she left 2 teenagers behind. She had a heart attack. Now on to yesterday, my Mom texted me while at work and told me my great uncle died on 12/28. He was 92. So yeah 2013 has started out with a bang from hell.

I'm there for you of course. My year has started off like a piece of ass also. Somehow in sobriety, I can fuck up relationships just as bad as I did drunk as fuck, resulting in severely pissing off my best friend. Guess the problem does lie in me, not in the bottle. Lots of meetings are in my future, and a possible re-doing of the steps, gotta get this shit together.

[DebraKadabra]

Guys/gal... I'm not trying to dampen the hurt here, but death happens every day.  We ALL are born to die - it's just a question of where and when.  Not saying that it doesn't suck, either, but the people who've passed on don't have to deal with suffering/pain/disease/emotional hurt...
 
As for loney - dude, I sometimes think I'm that broken too.  Not much I can say except to hang in there.
 
That goes for all of the rest of you folks too, actually - believe it or not, there IS a point to all of this... shit we deal with on a daily basis.  Don't let it bring you to its level.
 
 

[Akasha]

Guys/gal... I'm not trying to dampen the hurt here, but death happens every day.  We ALL are born to die - it's just a question of where and when.  Not saying that it doesn't suck, either, but the people who've passed on don't have to deal with suffering/pain/disease/emotional hurt...
 
As for loney - dude, I sometimes think I'm that broken too.  Not much I can say except to hang in there.
 
That goes for all of the rest of you folks too, actually - believe it or not, there IS a point to all of this... shit we deal with on a daily basis.  Don't let it bring you to its level.
 
 

Yes we all are born to die. I think I'm actually handling better then I expected myself too. Had some desire to use, but said fuck it isn't worth it. Today we donated food to feed all the officers today. We did feed all the officers and emergency workers working the accident Monday as well. Just part of being a service to others.

[DebraKadabra]

That's good, and DAMN good that you didn't succumb to the internal pressure to use.

[El Barto]

Guys/gal... I'm not trying to dampen the hurt here, but death happens every day.  We ALL are born to die - it's just a question of where and when.  Not saying that it doesn't suck, either, but the people who've passed on don't have to deal with suffering/pain/disease/emotional hurt...

Quite a bit of death going on 'round here.  I've seen/am seeing two starkly different ones.

On Christmas morning, my stepfather took a header down a flight of stairs. Family gathering around to open presents when he made a sudden and fatal entrance.  Happened at the family of his inlaws, so he didn't even get to have Christmas with his own kids. Lots of people really fucked by the suddenness of the whole thing.

Then there's the dad of a very dear friend. Her old man is in the final days of brain cancer. While I couldn't well explain it to her, the pragmatist in me recognizes the stark contrast in the two situations, and in as far as the death of a parent can go, her's is a pretty favorable scenario.  He only found out 2 weeks ago.  His quality of life is currently still good. He gets to spend his last weeks with his family, and vice versa, and he doesn't have a long, drawn out losing battle in front of him. I know how close she is with him, and she's still losing a parent, but getting a two week period of fond farewells and such really beats the living shit out of a phone call saying Dad won't be home for Christmas. 

[DebraKadabra]

I wasn't trying to diminish the normal feelings surrounding death - don't get me wrong, and I've had my problems with it over the years but... it just comes to a point that when your number is up...
 
But, at the same time, I hope I'm not coming off as unsympathetic.

[r0cken]

Sorry to barge in... Just wanted to ask. How do you cope with separation from people you love? And I don't mean really difficult things like death or divorce or parting with a lover.

I have this scenario in my life that repeats itself over and over. I get to know a person, we become friends, I become attached. And then after a while they have to leave (change of town/country/job/whatever). And I never see them again. Occasional facebook chats don't count of course. Long distance friendship just doesn't really work. Not for me at least.
And I get a little depressed every time. I mean, how many people who could be my friends, and make me a happier person, pass through my life and disappear almost without a trace. 

Just had to complain... Any silly, overused inspirational quotes are welcome.

[Adami]

I know this probably won't help and will likely just come off as cold (I have that tendency it seems) but I ascribe to the Buddhist philosophy of impermanence (to the best of my ability anyway). Basically it just means you don't get very attached to anything or anyone and go in knowing that nothing lasts forever in the cold november rain. I know it's difficult without many many years of work, but it came naturally to me and thus it doesn't affect me greatly when stuff like that happens. Hell, I've lost countless friends over the years and family members, but because I naturally think the way I just described, it doesn't bother me a whole lot. It's like realizing you're constantly in motion. You will pass  things by, and other things might take a different path. But your path is ever moving and ever evolving. It's just a matter of exploring where you are now, and not worrying much about where you were.

I have a feeling none of that helped though.

[r0cken]

That's actually a great philosophy, if you're able to pull it off. Yeah, nothing lasts forever, I know it. I just wish it could... I don't even believe in God or heaven or reincarnation, so that chapter is also closed for me.

But even with that knowledge, I sometimes think maybe the joy of close relationships (of any kind) actually worth the pain of inevitable separation. Not that it makes it easier, no...

[Adami]

That's actually a great philosophy, if you're able to pull it off. Yeah, nothing lasts forever, I know it. I just wish it could... I don't even believe in God or heaven or reincarnation, so that chapter is also closed for me.

But even with that knowledge, I sometimes think maybe the joy of close relationships (of any kind) actually worth the pain of inevitable separation. Not that it makes it easier, no...

Well luckily you can follow Buddhist philosophies without any belief in anything.

As far as the second part goes, I probably should have elaborated. Having no attachments doesn't mean keeping people at a distance or not enjoying them to the full extent that you can. It just means you don't define yourself as you + them.

[Akasha]

Doing okay today. This was very powerful though.

https://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fmike-adel%2Fofficer-yung-end-of-watch&h=uAQG4LLPC


His funeral was today and to see that many officers going down the road and the people who lined the streets during the funeral procession was very moving.

[lonestar]

Yes we all are born to die. I think I'm actually handling better then I expected myself too. Had some desire to use, but said fuck it isn't worth it. Today we donated food to feed all the officers today. We did feed all the officers and emergency workers working the accident Monday as well. Just part of being a service to others.

We give it away to keep it. Nice work dear. 

[Ħ]

I think I've narrowed down a major cause of my depression - junk food. Last week, I ate nothing bad, and I didn't feel down a single time. Yesterday, I totally binged and ate fried chicken, M&M's, popcorn, and pizza, and I felt terrible ever since. Then I went running and now I'm moderately happy again.

[lonestar]

It's amazing how much diet ties into our moods. In my chemical dependancy classes, we had whole segments on diet.

[bout to crash]

Very true. I've been trying to pay more attention to my diet, partially for that reason (and partially because I've put on too many pounds recently).

I'm very sorry to see all the loss people are experiencing, and just general shittiness.

I found out yesterday morning that one of my friends in NJ had what looks to be an aneurysm rupture or something along those lines. Sharp pain in her head, collapsed, had a minor heart attack, and then lots of brain bleeding. Last I heard, she was still unresponsive and several neurosurgeons gave a prognosis of "not a fucking thing we can do." Since it's a pretty shitty hospital, her family was seeing about whether a transfer was possible, but I'm not sure if any decision was reached.

My gut feeling is that she is not going to come back from this, and I've been trying hard all day not to break down so I can function and do my job/be a person who isn't a total downer. Of course I failed at both of these things- went home early, didn't finish my work, and spent the second half of my gathering with friends basically sitting in a corner and not drinking nearly enough to stop thinking.

So yeah, keep my friend and her family (she has two kids in their twenties) in your thoughts. I hate being so far away... not that I could do anything, but it would be nice to be there with her family and our mutual friends, who have been sitting by her side all day.

[DebraKadabra]

That's just... I have no words.

[Akasha]

Very true. I've been trying to pay more attention to my diet, partially for that reason (and partially because I've put on too many pounds recently).

I'm very sorry to see all the loss people are experiencing, and just general shittiness.

I found out yesterday morning that one of my friends in NJ had what looks to be an aneurysm rupture or something along those lines. Sharp pain in her head, collapsed, had a minor heart attack, and then lots of brain bleeding. Last I heard, she was still unresponsive and several neurosurgeons gave a prognosis of "not a fucking thing we can do." Since it's a pretty shitty hospital, her family was seeing about whether a transfer was possible, but I'm not sure if any decision was reached.

My gut feeling is that she is not going to come back from this, and I've been trying hard all day not to break down so I can function and do my job/be a person who isn't a total downer. Of course I failed at both of these things- went home early, didn't finish my work, and spent the second half of my gathering with friends basically sitting in a corner and not drinking nearly enough to stop thinking.

So yeah, keep my friend and her family (she has two kids in their twenties) in your thoughts. I hate being so far away... not that I could do anything, but it would be nice to be there with her family and our mutual friends, who have been sitting by her side all day.

So sorry I have no words for you either.

[lonestar]

Love and prayers for you guys Jackie.

[bout to crash]

Thanks, y'all. As of now they seem to be having trouble getting her vitals stable and she has fluid in her lungs, but they're still talking to more doctors.

[bout to crash]

Organ donation time 

[King Postwhore]

So sorry Jackie.  My good thought are with your friend.

[lonestar]

I'm so sorry Jackie.

[Akasha]

So sorry.

[bout to crash]

Thanks. Today is one of the worst days I've had in a while.

[Cyclopssss]

Damn...VERY sorry to hear this, Jackie....hang in there. Also, to everyone else in this thread: cheer up, we're all here together.

[wkiml]

Jackie sorry for what you are going through....its never easy...remember the good times you had together and that they will always be with you in your heart

[nightmare_cinema]

I'm so sorry Jackie. Keeping you/her in my thoughts, fingers crossed.

Sorry to barge in... Just wanted to ask. How do you cope with separation from people you love? And I don't mean really difficult things like death or divorce or parting with a lover.

I have this scenario in my life that repeats itself over and over. I get to know a person, we become friends, I become attached. And then after a while they have to leave (change of town/country/job/whatever). And I never see them again. Occasional facebook chats don't count of course. Long distance friendship just doesn't really work. Not for me at least.
And I get a little depressed every time. I mean, how many people who could be my friends, and make me a happier person, pass through my life and disappear almost without a trace. 

Just had to complain... Any silly, overused inspirational quotes are welcome.

Interesting, I find that the best friendships withstand physical separation and time delays in between hanging out/speaking. The true friends are the ones where you can not see them or hear from them for a few months and then you catch up like nothing happened. I'd recommend making as many friends as possible, some friendships will grow and deepen and some will stay at a more superficial level, but the more friends you have, the less likely you're gonna be focused on the one that moves away, waiting to hear from them etc. You need to get/keep busy with your own life so that when you hear from them you're happy, but you're not stressing over it. Plus if it ever comes across as neediness, well that's offputting to a lot of people.

Also, I tend to try and be thankful for the time I spent with someone even if I don't stay close to them... easier said than done. Are these people in your life responsible for the majority of your happiness do you think? I find if you're a happy rounded person in yourself, friendships come more easily... not sure why.