I'm just going to use this thread to vent some stuff, because I don't think it's worth its own thread. I don't really care if people wouldn't read this, but I'd appreciate it if you did. I've been cropping up random feelings of shit for the past couple of months. It's how I function; things don't affect me really, but after a couple of months I break down sometimes. I haven't yet, but I can feel it getting near. I used to think I was a manic depressive because of this when I was a little longer, which wasn't even too far-fetched since both my uncle and grandfather were. Oh, they were both alcoholics as well. My stepfather is as well, or at least he has an alcohol-problem and it's screwing up my mother's and sister's relationship with him. I don't really see lots of it, because I don't live there anymore, but every once in a while I'm confronted with the crap, even though he doesn't live with my mother anymore.
I failed my driving exam four times and should have had the fucking license almost 1.5 years ago, but I still don't have it. I have to rely on other people with cars. My guitar amp keeps breaking down and I'm pretty much always out of money. I can't really get out of my words, but last night I was having a night out with people I know from my study (about 15-25 of them) and I didn't feel like I actually fit in with them. I've always had this, never really fitting in with groups of people. I'm not a huge sociable person, but I can get around with many people, I'm not much of a group-person. The most annoying part of this is that I'm going to be the treasurer of my study-association and I don't really have that many friends at my study. So I was feeling out of place for most of the evening until somehow the night turned out well, but I had to go, because a friend of mine was giving his farewell party (he's going to Spain for half a year). The party there I had the exact same feeling as earlier on the night, so I left prematurely, wishing him a nice stay and such, but I didn't really come home satisfied.
Then I have no clue what I'm going to do later. I'm studying musicology, playing guitar here and there, a bit of work at a callcenter and doing random stuff with friends, but nothing really focused. I always thought I wanted to be a guitar player and I still do, but I give it way too little time. Last year I spent fucking most of time trying to get a band running and we came far, but everything fell apart because our drummer was a jerk, so that's not really going anywhere either. And then today I heard I'm most likely going to get fired before the end of the year. FUCK, there goes my income. I'm going to be really busy next year, with my study, setting up a band again and being the treasurer of my study-association and I need the job to have a steady income.
So; in short, I feel out of place, things are going wrong, I don't have many real friends, I have no clue what the hell I'm doing with my life and I'm going to get fired soon. The school year is starting next year and I'm in no prepared for all the busy stuff that's coming.
Sorry for the huge-ass wall of text. I suppose it doesn't really make sense, this stream-of-consciousness-post, but I just wanted to vent the whole thing.
Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 255374 times)
