The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[Silver Tears]

Adami, I'd love to come in here and give you some awesome advice to cheer you right up but I don't know the whole situation and rather than asking a heap of nosy questions, I'll just say I'm sorry you're still in a bad place over this and I hope things pick up soon. I'm only a pm away if you wanna chat though. Many internet hugs 

[TheOutlawXanadu]

I'm so sorry to hear about all this Adami. Again, feel free to PM me if needed.

[OsMosis2259]

Stay up my friend. Trust me, you will get through this and this an experience that many of us go through.  You just mentioned that she lied about the whole parents thing. She isn't the one man and you will realize it more as time goes by.

[wkiml]

Been really fighting lately trying to keep my mind at ease.

Not one to normally get depressed , but on 04/09 my ex-wife( my best friend and companion) in this world passed from cancer. I now am trying to raise 3 teenage boys by myself and have to keep my head clear for multiple reasons

I am a recovering alcoholic and one slip will more than likely send me spiralling out of control , causing me to lose the kids as well. Secondly the kids or I should say my oldest (17) is fighting me tooth an nail over everything since his mom passed. Everytime I tell him he can't do something or I have prior plans he throws it in my face that his mom would have let him or he made these so-called arrrangements with her before she passed, which I know is a load of bullshit, because she always kept me informed of what arrangements she made with him.

He's really pushing me to the point where I want to pack his bags for him and tell him if the world is so cherry outside OUR  house, heres your shit get out I don't need the aggravation and find out for yourself just how good you have it at home.

 

[King Postwhore]

Anytime you need to vent you talk to is Bill.  We are here for you.

[wkiml]

Thanks King   I do find that writing here helps, but the general mood of the board is usually cheerful and I don't like bringing everyone down

[Silver Tears]

wkiml I'm so sorry about your ex-wife, I hope you and your boys get through it all ok. Bringing up three teenagers alone on top of everything must be tough. Don't worry about bringing people down here, if writing helps you it's the least we can do to listen. Like King said, we're here for you 

[wolfandwolfandwolf]

Nearly wiped out my savings to get my car fixed today.  It's not a good day.

[Dark Castle]

Earlier this month my ex asked me if I'd go to prom with one of her friends as buddies, and at first I was alright with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a bad idea, so today I told her I couldn't, as the month went along she and her friend just kept assuming I was going and kept asking me what I would wear and if I'd pick her up and crap, and it just really pissed me off that she was planning on stuff without even asking me, so yeah.. this along with the fact that this one place that wants to interview for a job keeps putting me off and keeps asking me to come back when I've told them multiple times that I'm up in school M-F.  I came in this morning after calling this past Friday and telling them I could come in this morning, as my classes didn't start til 11, I sat there for 10 minutes, and the manager just had the front desk clerk tell me she can't see me today, come in tomorrow or call again.  WHAT THE FUCK, IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HIRE PEOPLE ASAP AS YOU TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE, FUCKING INTERVIEW ME AND QUIT STALLING.

[Adami]

Adami, I'd love to come in here and give you some awesome advice to cheer you right up but I don't know the whole situation and rather than asking a heap of nosy questions, I'll just say I'm sorry you're still in a bad place over this and I hope things pick up soon. I'm only a pm away if you wanna chat though. Many internet hugs 

I really appreciate it. Actually it turns out my last comment about her was a misunderstanding. We had a long talk last night and cleared up a lot of issues. She still feels we can't be friends for more understandable reasons, so I'm still rather sad about that, but it's easier knowing more.

[Silver Tears]

It's always easier to come to terms with something if you understand the reasons behind it huh. And maybe not trying to stay friends straight after breaking up is a good idea anyway, I think that can be quite hard. And who knows, you might be able to get back to friendship again after some time.

[Super Dude]

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

[TheOutlawXanadu]

Been really fighting lately trying to keep my mind at ease.

Not one to normally get depressed , but on 04/09 my ex-wife( my best friend and companion) in this world passed from cancer. I now am trying to raise 3 teenage boys by myself and have to keep my head clear for multiple reasons

I am a recovering alcoholic and one slip will more than likely send me spiralling out of control , causing me to lose the kids as well. Secondly the kids or I should say my oldest (17) is fighting me tooth an nail over everything since his mom passed. Everytime I tell him he can't do something or I have prior plans he throws it in my face that his mom would have let him or he made these so-called arrrangements with her before she passed, which I know is a load of bullshit, because she always kept me informed of what arrangements she made with him.

He's really pushing me to the point where I want to pack his bags for him and tell him if the world is so cherry outside OUR  house, heres your shit get out I don't need the aggravation and find out for yourself just how good you have it at home.

This sounds awful. So sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe try sitting down with your son and telling him the only way your family is going to get past this is if you bond together and don't fight or something of the sorts.

Nearly wiped out my savings to get my car fixed today.  It's not a good day.

Ouch. This next year I expect to be doing much of the same: Working to save money, and then pouring all that money into paying off student loans. Adult life is pretty sweet with some obvious exceptions it seems.

Earlier this month my ex asked me if I'd go to prom with one of her friends as buddies, and at first I was alright with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a bad idea, so today I told her I couldn't, as the month went along she and her friend just kept assuming I was going and kept asking me what I would wear and if I'd pick her up and crap, and it just really pissed me off that she was planning on stuff without even asking me, so yeah.. this along with the fact that this one place that wants to interview for a job keeps putting me off and keeps asking me to come back when I've told them multiple times that I'm up in school M-F.  I came in this morning after calling this past Friday and telling them I could come in this morning, as my classes didn't start til 11, I sat there for 10 minutes, and the manager just had the front desk clerk tell me she can't see me today, come in tomorrow or call again.  WHAT THE FUCK, IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HIRE PEOPLE ASAP AS YOU TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE, FUCKING INTERVIEW ME AND QUIT STALLING.

I just finished about three months of constant interviews. What a shitty fucking process. I feel your pain there dude.

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

At least you care enough to realize it!

[73109]

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

Being awesome. That's what!

[Dark Castle]

I've failed one class for sure this semester, and math I might have, but if I don't it will be cutting it barely.  My mom is coming up to help me pack up so I can leave tomorrow, and they always pressure me to do good, what the fuck am I going to tell her?  And what the fuck am I going to tell my dad?  I'm prepared for this summer for them to just be disappointed in me and I'm feeling really depressed, because I don't know how I'm going to tell them.

[ReaperKK]

Little bit of a bump but I'm a fairly calm and happy person but I just had such an intense burst of anger I went for a 45 minute all out sprint to get it out.

[senecadawg2]

Exercise is a good way to deal with these kinds of problems.

[ReaperKK]

Yea ive been using exercise as an outlet for problems for many years. If I have any more issue I'll be extremely ripped.

[Ħ]

Awesome. I've been doing that too. It's been wearing me out - I'm super tired but thankfully not depressed.

[Super Dude]

I keep on fucking up my applications to jobs and internships. I forget to put my current address on one, I forgot to change my status to graduated with a history minor on four of them...and the person I emailed to request a recommendation from hasn't gotten back to me. I'm freaking out. I'm so bad at this.

[Dark Castle]

I'm suspended from Financial Aid indefinitely.
Who cares that I did well in all of my other classes, one F is enough to fucking rock the boat and throw me into a raging sea.

[Progmetty]

Anyone here had consistent depression for at least two month?
I find very weird changes to my habits and personality. One small example of those things is sleep.
I've been sleeping a whole lot recently, with strange inconsistent patterns and with such depth that waking me up in the first few hours of my sleep is impossible, my wife describes shaking me and talking to me without response.
And then after these first few hours I would go on sleeping, seemingly not waking up unless somebody wakes me up, I've done 14 hours a few times. When I wake up I never feel that it has been that long, I drink some water and I sit at my computer desk browsing the usual sites I frequent and a couple hours later I'm looking forward to the time when I'll go to bed again, genuinely sleepy but not tired at all. I watch The Simpsons on my iPad in bed so I go and spend time there hoping to fall asleep just for being in bed and it used to "mostly" work and now it always works, I can fall asleep at will at anytime I chose to and I'm starting to chose to more often than ever.
My weight is not increasing but it's not decreasing obviously, I don't eat more or less than before thankfully. But I feel weak and collapsible, if the term works. I don't want anything from anyone and the idea of peace in my head now is the day no one wants or expects anything from me. I'm faraway from that day as my family expects some things from me and relies on me, no one to blame but me as I initiated all their expectations, but that's not what I'm discussing here.
I get very angry very quickly and yet I remain outwardly calm, I don't yell or scream at anyone or myself.
There are no outdoor activities that interest me at all, at least not free ones. I don't go out walking anymore as it bores me to no end and that reflects on my psychological state as well and that's another new thing; boredom ignites anger now with me. I stopped riding my bicycle for the same reason. I can't stand anything related to psychical effort, not from laziness or exhaustion, just from boredom and lack of purpose or immediate results.
People depressed about things they had no hand in inflecting upon themselves are people I consider lucky, I know injustice has it's own sting but it cannot be comparable to knowing that everything I'm going through are results of my choices, I have no one to blame for anything.
I don't wanna learn anything anymore, nothing that takes more than a minute of reading to understand is acceptable to me unless it's interesting to me, fuck beneficial, interesting only, I still spend long hours reading history books and heavily involved in my country's politics and it's internet life. But learn how different guitar tunings work and what they mean? A fuckin astronomical impossibly. I need it to play some songs I'm learning for fun but fucksake the thing requires some reading and understanding how and why it's done and it's too fuckin boring.
I was only gonna talk about the sleep thing but I think I'll keep going a bit more since it felt good to share. --- I wrote this then I took a sip of water and now I really don't wanna type anything cause everything I have makes me feel pathetic. Thanks for reading, do not try to work out suggestions or ideas for me, I was just venting.

[Nighthawkwill7]

I've been away for awhile due to some personal issues...

I was kicked out of my own house due to repeated conflicts with my viper of a stepfather. My father  now owes my mother $11,000 in child support money due to some bs technicality even though he had already paid (unjustly). Funny thing is my Mother makes more than he does and together with her husband, pull in a yearly sum well into the six figures. Way to go "Justice" system.

Since I was booted from my house, I moved in with my uncle (Father's side), I had to quit school and start working but none of the jobs seem to last. Been through three in the last two months and on top of that, my uncle is currently in a financial slump due to slow business in the auto parts distribution sector. So here I am, struggling emotionally and financially, Watching my cash mongering mother and that well to do consort of her's siphon money out of my father even though she was the one who started the ball rolling by being unfaithful in the first place, Just because they can. I just don't... I really am at a loss for words.

  

[Progmetty]

That Dream Theater concerts week earlier this month was such a nice break. My excitement and cheerfulness that resulted from that week is just wearing off now, which is pretty amazing since it's been 2 weeks, but meeting JP, meeting great DTFers and seeing DT two nights, one of which being the I&W celebration night, having cool seats at both and just generally taking the whole experience and giving it more priority and importance than to let my depression ruin it, was a great push and joy to know I can force myself out of this condition if I can ever summon a strong enough motive or purpose.
The most pathetic thought that ever crossed mind was this morning, I saw a retirement home bus taking some elderly people to a picnic I guess and I thought it would be amazing if I can flash forward my life to that point cause I wanna do exactly what they're doing with their lives right now. Nothing, waiting for the end, but not in a morbid way, this is not meant to sound dramatic, these people looked genuinely relaxed and happy.
But do they look relaxed cause they're happy about what they've done or are they happy cause it's all good now? Another way to ask the question would be:- if you have done nothing with your life to be proud of ,or at least point out as significant, would you still be happy and relaxed at that retirement home?
Silly stuff, I know.

[senecadawg2]

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I have been quite angry recently.

I'm 17, almost 18, and I have been raised by my mom after my parents divorced some 15 years ago (too early for me to remember). Anyways, I have always lived with my mom in various parts of the country (NY, MS, NC, VA), while my father has always lived in Boston. With distance being an issue, I have never seen too much of him. I used to see him almost every year, but the last couple of times a few years passed between visits. My mom has been very nice to him for not demanding that he helps out with payments, as he is very far from wealthy. He does send some money when he can, but not nearly the full amount required by the law with two divorced parents who share joint custody of a child (why they have joint custody in the first place is something that I've never understood. He doesn't deserve it). Anyways, long story short: he was an atrocious husband, and he has been an atrocious father. He still does however claim to love me and my brother more than anything in the world. He calls everyday, and seems to care, even though we don't really know each other. I don't know why, but recently it has made me more angry then ever. I used to just accept what was happening and pretend to care for him. It's now been about 10 days that I haven't answered his phone calls. Every day he calls almost twice and leaves messages, asking why I don't answer the phone. It should be pretty clear by now that I don't want to talk to him, but he just keeps at it.
 

Maybe I need a lesson in forgiveness.

[chknptpie]

TMI below



I've come to the conclusion I can't play hockey when I'm PMSing.. I get too pissed off and start cursing like a sailor.

[senecadawg2]

Nothing wrong with that!

[Dr. DTVT]

Seneca,

While my situation was different from yours, don't doubt that your father does love you.  My dad was was an awesome dad when I was kid, and when he left my mom when I was in college I did some awful things to him, his g/f at the time, and his g/f's kids.  Things I'm embarrassed and ashamed of.  We were estranged for several years.  But he never lashed back, and he kept trying to get my forgiveness until I realized I treated him unfairly.

Look at lonestar, he was estranged from his daughter for a while and now that's all he talks about.  We all make mistakes.  You only have one dad, and all he wants is the best for you.  If your parents were young when they separated maybe it was because he wasn't ready or capable of being a good husband and father.  People mature.  If he's hitting you up for bail money then cutting the string might not be the worst thing, but if he just wants to see how you are doing and what you are up to, by all means let him in.  The best part about my getting my Ph.D. wasn't my committee telling me I passed, it two separate moments - the first was when I called my dad after I passed and he broke down with tears of joy in a very public place.  The second was at the graduation ceremony and I think this photo sums it up:

[senecadawg2]

Thanks a lot Doc DTVT, I needed that.

I don't feel that I have been unfair to him, only that he has gotten what he deserves. However, this is both a spiteful and unhealthy way to proceed in my relationship with him, and it needs to stop. Once again, thanks

[lonestar]

I just need to check in somewhere. As most of you know, I got sober last year after thirty years of drinking and drugging. For the most part it's been great, but I am finding one this really fucking hard to deal with, and it is getting worse. My substance abuse habits were a product of an abusive childhood, and the emotions that I was drowning are all coming to the surface now. I have no control over them, they are tired of hiding and waiting, they need to be felt. It started a few weeks ago, as a subtle rise in me, and exploded yesterday. After a two hour long blowout, I was able to calm down with a friend's help, but now I am just feeling lost and empty, like the basis of all I am is gone, and I have to build anew. I feel guilty when I dump it on friends, it's some really heavy shit, and I care too much about them to hand them that type of crap. I know I got a long, slow road of more recovery ahead of me, but damn is it really hard sometimes. I do see a therapist btw, and work a heavy recovery, and they help, but the hours in between get overwhelming. Part of me looks forward to this, getting to relearn all the bad ideas I believed about myself, being a bit more positive on a day to day basis, but the road to that scares the shit out of me. As with everything else, I can only take it one day at a time.

Thanks for letting vent, I needed to get it out. I haven't been posting much, my heart just isn't in it, and this is why. Love you guys.

[MasterShakezula]

starman, man, that's heavy.  I really wish you the best working those feelings and thoughts out.  You seem like the sort of guy who can do it. 

[lonestar]

Thanks cup, it's a matter of time more than anything else. Something I read last night really fits with what I'm going through now...

"I have to keep my yesterdays from crashing into my todays and destroying my tomorrows."

Fucking bingo.

[senecadawg2]

Stay strong and focus on being the best that you can be in the present moment. You are a model of perfection; you just need to believe it and live like you do believe it.

[Dr. DTVT]

lonestar, not that I can relate to what you're going through, but if you ever need something let me know.  shoot me a PM here or on FB if you want my phone number.

[lonestar]

I appreciate that bud. Got a decent amount of support here, just feeling raw in it right now. Just had a long talk with my mom about it, not easy to say the least, but she has to know why I'm sounding down. I told her just to be patient, it's something that has to occur for my long term happiness and sanity.