The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[lateralus88]

Yep, been there done that. Almost on a weekly basis. It's kind of crushing, because the second I start to feel happy my mind wanders and starts yelling at myself "Why bother being happy here have some depression instead it is more comforting anyway". It's no fun.


Though it's weird, this past week I've been really good at shrugging off those thoughts completely. Gonna try to keep it that way. Ever since I nipped one of my biggest issues in the butt last month, it's been getting easier and easier.

[dethklok09]

the last 3 - 6 months i've just been like this almost entirely, and lately i've been worse than I have ever been in my life.

I dunno, maybe i'm just turning into some whiny self-defeating cry baby. I just really can't look at anything about myself or where i'm going or what i'm doing positively at all.

I know depression is a term that gets thrown around alot, but if such a thing exists i'm pretty sure I'm experiencing it right now :/

[sonatafanica]

uh yeah it exists, it's a medical condition

see a doctor

[dethklok09]

I dunno, i've thought about it. But it's probably just gonna be looked at as some pathetic dribbling or whatever instead of a real medical condition, but whatever I guess.

[sonatafanica]

dude i've been diagnosed with depression by a few different doctors this year and it's shitty


i've been in and out of therapy and medication and psychologists and shit and i absolutely hate everything that comes with it and i quit going to therapy after nothing worked so i am maybe not the best to give advice or anything but uh


yeah make sure with a doctor if you're actually depressed or just like

bored and disappointed


and then get ready for therapists to talk to you like you're eleven years old

[dethklok09]

dude i've been diagnosed with depression by a few different doctors this year and it's shitty


i've been in and out of therapy and medication and psychologists and shit and i absolutely hate everything that comes with it and i quit going to therapy after nothing worked so i am maybe not the best to give advice or anything but uh


yeah make sure with a doctor if you're actually depressed or just like

bored and disappointed


and then get ready for therapists to talk to you like you're eleven years old

I think it goes quite a bit passed bored and disappointed. But really I only have myself to compare to so I can't really figure it out myself.

And yeah I can't wait to be treated like a little kid...

[MetalMike06]

I'm positive I "officially" have it, I mean I have all the typical symptoms, and it's been pretty continuous for almost the past year. I have very low self-esteem and am very unmotivated, but the only thing stopping me from seeing a doctor is that I really don't want to take medication. I've seen what it does to some people and I don't want to develop that kind of dependency. And I also feel like this could all just be a slump that I'll eventually come out of on my own. Guess I'll just give it some more time.

[Super Dude]

Relationship problems. For her sake and mine, I'd rather not go into it. I'm just hoping we're able to stay together after this finals week.

[MajorMatt]

Really in a messy place right now, thought I was at peace but no.

I caused great upset and mental scarring to a bunch of new flat mates I thought were lifelong friends for some obscure reason. I never meant to do this and I was incredibly drunk at the time. I was forced to leave this flat, although 50% of the flat mates were willing to give me another chance and I still speak to those guys now. The rest thought I should leave for my own good. I have spoken to these since but still hold something against them. The new flatmates could not be better. These guys are lifelong friends. But still I find myself haunted by the past. Next year I have to choose friends to live with. Several of the old flat mates have expressed interest in living with me, and so have some of the new ones. Thing is I never expressed what I did to these new guys, and when I told some of my oldest friends from home, I got ridiculed or 'bantered' on occasion about it. This really hurt and is probably what causes me to recite lyrics on Fb when plastered. I think I may  at times just get shitfaced to feel 'good'.

What really got to me is tonight, when one of the guys from the old flat told me my handwritten, very emotional, apology letter was pinned to the fridge. I just had the sense of being a lesser human, and the things they probably say about me to the new guy everyday.

I am a guy who believes in positive thinking and 'Carpe Diem', Neurons 'Fire together, wire together' and 'Mind over matter'. But still I find myself in this cesspool, considering trying various drugs and a strange obsession with very depressing movies.

Think I've lost it again.

But when I'm sober I will find strength. And will probably wish this was never posted and delete it.

But they say a drunk man's ramblings are a sober mans thoughts or somink.

Matt...

[Cyclopssss]

 Hey Matt, settle down, mate.

Now I've never had to go through the whole 'dorm/roommate' situation, because I was never the 'student' type.
But just sticking an apologyletter, which obviously cost you a lot of emotional grief to the fridge seems a cold, lighthearted, and on the whole, just not a well-thoughtout thing to do by your room/housemates.  I mean, damn.

Just try to get yourself into a little more peacefull place and try to get a more level view. In the end it's YOU you have to contend/live with, no-one else.

just my 2 cents, hope things will work out for you.

Joop.

[chknptpie]

sigh... my friends niece was found in her closet by her father. She was apparently playing the "choking game" by herself. Who does that?!

[Jamesman42]

Despite my recently acquired liberal use of the happy smiley buttons, I am deeply depressed.

[Marvellous G]

Last week was the first week of Christmas holidays for me, and basically every day/night there were events and parties with our usual group. I enjoyed these events/parties a lot more than usual, and realised why last night. I'm starting to like my best friend, who is a girl who doesn't do relationships. We're basically going out already in terms of how often/for how long we talk or meet up, and I don't really care about the physical component of going out i.e. making out or whatever (not that I'd mind ). As sappy as it sounds, I just want the amazing friendship we have now, but with the definite knowledge that I'll see her basically every day and some of the sappier, smaller couply stuff, such as holding hands and whatever.

Still not sure if I just like her as the best friend who's a girl that I've ever had or something more, but when I was talking to my friend about it and said 'I just wanna see her again as soon as we both leave parties, every time' he thought that it was the latter. Not sure it's worth risking the best male/female friendship I've ever had/maybe ever will have for it though. Sigh.

[lateralus88]

All I wanted for Christmas was to maintain a good mood and try to not let shit get to me.



And then she fucking called and called and texted and called and now I feel like horsepoo.

[Sigz]

I'm telling you dude.


Courier pidgeon deal with it.a

[lateralus88]

If I had the time, patience and money to do that I seriously would. Not even joking. I would do it.


But man, she called at the worst times, and I hung up each time (she called from two different numbers). Left a message saying she would even come up to see me by bus if she had to. Because she was kicked out apparently and needed to apologize to me at that very moment. Which is whatever to me. I don't fucking care. I don't want to deal with her. But I was on edge all fucking night waiting for her to show up (she didn't).



Fuck.

[dethklok09]

OH LOOK DETHKLOK09 IS BEING A FAGGOT COCKSUCKER EMO PANSY BITCH AGAIN IN THIS FUCKING THREAD

yup, so yeah whatever I guess. Anyway I've been deeply considering seeking medical attention or whatever about this.

BUT I'M FUCKING WONDERING

What exactly is the point of this bullshit? What if I literally believe I'm fucking terrible at everything and I HAVE NO GOOD QUALITIES ABOUT MYSELF WHATSOEVER (keep in mind people always try to make me happier by like saying all these compliments BUT I LITERALLY CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THEM)

Anyway will any medications or whatever make me not believe this anymore or something? Because I know that unless that happens, any happiness I supposedly feel i'll just constantly remind myself THAT I'M A WORTHLESS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ALRIGHT.

WHATEVER I GUESS, This depression or whatever hasn't made me want to do anything at all. AT ALL. I don't want to be with friends. I don't want to fucking pursue any goals in my life. I've given up on caring about school and if I ever even get a job in the real world.

HAHA I FUCKING SUCK RIGHT? I'M MAKING A FML POST BECAUSE I'M A GIANT ATTENTION WHORE PANSY. You guys might actually think i'm a likeable person or whatever MAYBE YOU DO? but whatever I guess any attempt at complimenting me won't work whatsoever

SO YEAH IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMPLIMENT ME (Whether you mean it or not) JUST REALIZE IT WON'T MATTER FOR SHIT BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT (I literally can't)

Anyway all i'm asking is if this shit will actually work like that or whatever. OR MAYBE IT WON'T cause i might be the most pathetic person in the world and they haven't come up with a strong enough drug to deal with how much of a pathetic crybaby emo piece of shit i am.

SO YEAH since i tend to ramble, will anything make me actually believe i'm like not pathetic, like actually make me believe. Oh well probably not, i think i'll just turn to alcohol

[lateralus88]

See a therapist. Not a doctor. Not a psychologist. START with a therapist. Go from there.



In other news: How does one go about telling two of his best friends (who he loves so god damn dearly) that he is absolutely sick of seeing them be a happy couple around each other and that it makes him sad and loathe his life at it's current state? I don't want to be a complete asshole about it, but it's starting to get to me.

[AcidLameLTE]

I had to tell a couple of friends once and I just flat out told them that was unfair on me (I spent all my time with them) and I constantly felt forgotten about. I repeated it when necessary.

This problem is starting to crop up with me again as well but it doesn't happen as frequently as it did with the other two friends. Also, the situation is quite different.

[lateralus88]

The worst part is I'm not sure if I should tell them both at the same time, or one at a time. And I don't know how to start that conversation or how to not sound like a jealous dick. It's just really hard for me to feel okay with seeing two people so happy together, and then think to myself "Yeah, good for you and call me selfish and insecure, but this bothers the fuck out me seeing how I'm pretty sure I'll be alone forever".

Again, I love the two people to death, but man this is getting harder on me every time.

[AcidLameLTE]

Just tell them both at the same time. Saves you having to dread two different conversations.

If you don't feel comfortable with it, just say.

[lateralus88]

Today would have been a great day to do so. But something came up apparently. Oh well.


I'll figure it out somehow. Thanks Harry.

[dethklok09]

See a therapist. Not a doctor. Not a psychologist. START with a therapist. Go from there.

idk, maybe I should :/

[lateralus88]

So two nights ago I found out an old friend of mine who I used to practically treat like my sister has practically begun spiraling her life down the shitter with drugs, constant smoking and ridiculous plans involving using some guy for his cash and attempting to leave the country to "find herself". What the fuck man? I know I haven't been able to keep in good communication with her lately but seriously what the hell?



*le sigh*

[Buckethead]

  sorry man, I hope thing turn out ok with her

[MajorMatt]

  Hope things get better for her man.

Right, not sure where this should go but what the fuck. I kinda fell like 'spiraling my life down the shitter' as you put it, drugs would be interesting. I have often wondered about trying them, but I guess I still have a morsel of common sense in me that says STAY THE FUCK AWAY. Although I know guys who can get hold of weed/MDMA etc and am worried one night when I'm fucking hammered will do them.

I have a million and one things fucking up my life right now ive probably already bitched about in here at some point. So this is just an observation. This is very stream of thought as I type btw.

I seem to have zero energy to do anything, at all. I just don't give a fuck about anything. Really. I occasionally have really crazy moments where i spout out the strangest shit or act very funny, all of which my friends find hilarious and joke about having ADHD, tourets whatever. I don't have any of those conditions and they don't really think so either. I also feel similar when I have a few drinks, everyone else I know just passes out and sleeps after a night out, I want more, a bigger thrill an endless night. Today I forced myself to get up early(ish) -9AM to make sure I am tired tonight - NOPE still sot gonna be a minute before 5 when I sleep. 3/4 if im lucky!

/vent

Well I say /vent there is a fuckton of shit i could say about the shit hole my existence is now

[Ravenheart]

Reality checks from my dad remind me of what a piece of shit I am.

[In The Name Of Rudess]

Hope things get better for her man.

Right, not sure where this should go but what the fuck. I kinda fell like 'spiraling my life down the shitter' as you put it, drugs would be interesting. I have often wondered about trying them, but I guess I still have a morsel of common sense in me that says STAY THE FUCK AWAY. Although I know guys who can get hold of weed/MDMA etc and am worried one night when I'm fucking hammered will do them.

I have a million and one things fucking up my life right now ive probably already bitched about in here at some point. So this is just an observation. This is very stream of thought as I type btw.

I seem to have zero energy to do anything, at all. I just don't give a fuck about anything. Really. I occasionally have really crazy moments where i spout out the strangest shit or act very funny, all of which my friends find hilarious and joke about having ADHD, tourets whatever. I don't have any of those conditions and they don't really think so either. I also feel similar when I have a few drinks, everyone else I know just passes out and sleeps after a night out, I want more, a bigger thrill an endless night. Today I forced myself to get up early(ish) -9AM to make sure I am tired tonight - NOPE still sot gonna be a minute before 5 when I sleep. 3/4 if im lucky!

/vent

Well I say /vent there is a fuckton of shit i could say about the shit hole my existence is now

What you're describing here sounds a lot like bipolar disorder. It's a form of manic depression where someone alternates between being depressed and being in a state of mania. The decreased need for sleep and spouting out words sounds a lot like hypomania/mixed episode. Check it out, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#Signs_and_symptoms

[MajorMatt]

Hope things get better for her man.

Right, not sure where this should go but what the fuck. I kinda fell like 'spiraling my life down the shitter' as you put it, drugs would be interesting. I have often wondered about trying them, but I guess I still have a morsel of common sense in me that says STAY THE FUCK AWAY. Although I know guys who can get hold of weed/MDMA etc and am worried one night when I'm fucking hammered will do them.

I have a million and one things fucking up my life right now ive probably already bitched about in here at some point. So this is just an observation. This is very stream of thought as I type btw.

I seem to have zero energy to do anything, at all. I just don't give a fuck about anything. Really. I occasionally have really crazy moments where i spout out the strangest shit or act very funny, all of which my friends find hilarious and joke about having ADHD, tourets whatever. I don't have any of those conditions and they don't really think so either. I also feel similar when I have a few drinks, everyone else I know just passes out and sleeps after a night out, I want more, a bigger thrill an endless night. Today I forced myself to get up early(ish) -9AM to make sure I am tired tonight - NOPE still sot gonna be a minute before 5 when I sleep. 3/4 if im lucky!

/vent

Well I say /vent there is a fuckton of shit i could say about the shit hole my existence is now

What you're describing here sounds a lot like bipolar disorder. It's a form of manic depression where someone alternates between being depressed and being in a state of mania. The decreased need for sleep and spouting out words sounds a lot like hypomania/mixed episode. Check it out, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#Signs_and_symptoms

Thanks for the reply man, I am scared shitless this is the case my Dad is bipolar and it's not pretty! Tonight a friend also suggested this :/

[Millais]

maths exam yesterday.
past exam papers I've been getting 90% and above, generally finding it quite easy. yesterday the paper was absolutely horrific, so inconsistent with the 30-35 hours of revision I put in over christmas towards that test.

Consequently pretty annoyed. I suppose I can retake it, but that's just really annoying.

[chknptpie]

Thanks for the reply man, I am scared shitless this is the case my Dad is bipolar and it's not pretty! Tonight a friend also suggested this :/

I've had a bipolar mother my entire life. There were some really, serious rough patches... well there still are, but with medication its relatively manageable. It may seem scary, but they are still your family! They are still who you know them to be.

[Dark Castle]

On my other main forum I go to, a IRL friend who also goes is bitching about the Black out and passing SOPA off as nothing, so we've all been debating it, and he felt the need to tell everyone I have porn, and that made me really uncomfortable because I had no intention of telling any of my friends there ever, and he also used my real name, when I wasn't really ready to disclose that to everyone.  It really hurts, and I feel invaded.

[Ħ]

Wow that's horrible.  Being exposed like that makes everything much harder.  I'm really sorry to hear that.

[Dark Castle]

Wow that's horrible.  Being exposed like that makes everything much harder.  I'm really sorry to hear that.

Thank you , I was also glad when everyone told him to leave personal matters out of a public forum, so I feel a bit better, but still..now everyone knows 

[Ħ]

I've been outed before.  Not for porn, but for other things.  It's so uncomfortable.  I mean, if it means anything, everyone's hiding something, and most people are mature enough to recognize that within themselves, so hopefully they'll still be friends to you.