Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread.  (Read 253519 times)

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Offline cramx3

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2450 on: November 16, 2023, 01:24:21 PM »
I'm trying so hard Marc.  Just want to make it through this year and Lisa's treatment.  We are going to get 2 new kitties after Lisa's treatment.

You got this man, you've been through so much and have overcome, you can keep pushing through. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Offline Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2451 on: November 16, 2023, 02:38:26 PM »
I'm trying so hard Marc.  Just want to make it through this year and Lisa's treatment.  We are going to get 2 new kitties after Lisa's treatment.

You WILL, buddy, you WILL. 

Offline TAC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2452 on: November 16, 2023, 03:09:04 PM »
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it. 

My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in.  The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer.  Work is crazy and the stress is piling on.  I've been fighting with myself to push through this.  The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to.  I can't fall back to sleep.  I'm exhausted. 

Still fighting it though.

Holy cow, Joe, I didn't know. Lots of hugs to the whole Kingdom from both the Indies. Fight like a Cowens!

The one good news is I had my bariactic surgery in Feburary and im down 174 pounds.  From 437 to 263 right now.  40 more pounds to go.

See? You just worry about what you can control and you'll be good. I know it. Lisa is in good hands with her upcoming treatments. Not to say it'll be easy, but there's a plan, and light at the end of the tunnel.

Can't help you with the cat thing. ;D
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2453 on: November 16, 2023, 03:35:31 PM »
I got the cat thing. I got the Queen thing. I've got the 40 more pounds thing. I keep trucking forward.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline Indiscipline

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2454 on: November 16, 2023, 03:46:55 PM »

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2455 on: November 16, 2023, 03:52:42 PM »
I did that in high school on a hard rubber court and went feet over torso because my face and shoulder skidded on the rubber court. I got up like nothing happened. 

I heart the crowd gasp then I felt the pain. Lol

I had sexy girls carry my books to class the next 3 days at school carry my books but I lived putting Vaseline on my rashes. Chick's dug how I got those rashes. Lol
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline TAC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2456 on: November 16, 2023, 04:11:07 PM »

I had sexy girls carry my books to class the next 3 days at school

Probably from the lockup doing community service.


I lived putting Vaseline on my rashes.

Is there any other way to live?
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2457 on: November 16, 2023, 04:25:29 PM »
Dude. I was a king before I was a king!
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline TAC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2458 on: November 16, 2023, 04:32:29 PM »
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2459 on: November 16, 2023, 04:38:39 PM »
It makes me so happy. Love all you DTF'ers.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Online wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2460 on: November 16, 2023, 05:15:03 PM »
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!

Fucking sound advice Alessandro and makes perfect sense, I think you're right. .  I have spoken to a couple of them tonight, they certainly do and think I should have done something a long time ago.

Was nice to talk to them after my feelings this morning.  Apologies all for laying it on a bit thick.  Reading back I was just being a bitch haha but this place is a haven for all of us to let it out when we need, that's how comfortable it is.  Anyway, see how tomorrow goes.

This is where your mindset has to change.  You weren't being a bitch... you were being human.  Time to shed the toxic masculinity part mate... we all reach our limits and break down once and a while.  It takes strength and courage to be vulnerable; it's not a sign of weakness whatsoever.  Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react.  Your reaction (and resulting emotions) yesterday was fully justified - don't diminish that by then telling yourself (and us) you were just being a bitch.

That last part is great Chad, thank you.  I know you are right.  Definitely something I've struggled with.  Need to accept the emotions and embrace them I think.  Probably the only real way to move on with things, acceptance.

Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!

This. Is. Gold.  :metal

Just wanted to pop back in this morning to say 'keep your head up' Wolfie, judging by the responses above, you possess a sound mind and honest intentions–again, the world needs more people like you!

Also, if you ever wanna chat in a non-public place, feel free to drop a PM. Either way, keep on keepin' on :coolio

Thank you so much William, you've been a great help here.  To be honest though, the world needs a lot more people like many of us in here, you included, bless you.

Dropped you an email mate.  You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with.  Taking care of oneself when you've spent a life and career of taking care of others might as well be asking you to chew your thumbs off.

You've got all of us to lean on however much you can or want to.

Thanks Chad.  Part of me feels brave, but another part of me feels weak as piss like I'm running away from the potential work problem.  Time will hopefully give clarity to which is the best option.  Life is funny, every day is a gamble, sometimes the gambles are just higher stakes.

Frame of reference, my friend.  You're not running from the problem; if you're the leader you say you are (and I have every reason to believe you ARE) then this is your time to teach your team the hardest lesson:  when to stop banging your head against the wall and prepare for the next challenge.  There is ALWAYS a bigger bear, as they say, and there is wisdom to know when to stop wasting energy on a losing cause.  I think it's a testament to you that it took 39 years to get to this point, but you're there now, and we've ALL come across the "bigger bear" at some point in our professional (or personal, or both) lives.  It wasn't work, but some of the feelings you describe are how I felt when it finally sunk in that my marriage was over, that I had to tell my kid our family was gone, and I had to face my parents (who died last year within a couple months of each other after over 60 years of being together 24/7) that I had failed at the one thing I wanted most to emulate about them. 

We forget sometimes that life isn't a Die Hard movie, with the hero riddled with bullets, bleeding from every orifice, dragging themselves up for fight after fight; in real life, we have to sometimes tend our powder, take a moment to make sure we're strong - mentally, physically, emotionally - to face the fight each day.

I see someone taking a pause to make sure they are fit and ready for the next challenge, whatever it is.  Good luck, bud, and as others have said, we're here for you however you need it.

Thanks Bill.  I'm sorry about your parents and your marriage.  Must have been a somber feeling to accept it was over at the time.  I do feel exactly like the Bruce Willis of my group, I've taken pride in that but as Chad said with the whole masculinity thing, gotta put that aside sometimes and do what I need to fight the next battle, that's sound advice.

Also, with the bolded part, funny you mention that.  As I mentioned when I saw a couple of them and spoke to them last night, the older one who I've worked with for 15 years had something similar today.  When I told them that I just wanted them to know how bad I felt and felt I let them down, I said to them as I mentioned, 'I'm your leader and I'm potentially not going to be there for you and that's hard.'  She said to me, 'given the situation we are in and how much our small group are up against, maybe you are the one to know lead us out of the fire into different stages of our lives.'  Possibly so true.

Today I have taken my first sick day in 39 years.  Due to the last two years of a tough working environment which heads into evil and corrupt territory and the results and aftermath of the accident that happened to me plus the culmination of things I've dealt with and things I haven't been given in relation to that, something happened yesterday that left me feeling sick and left me with a very bad feeling. 

My gut was telling me to take drastic measures immediately.  The way I felt yesterday because of this are feelings no one should have to deal with let alone everything over the last 2 years.  It was the hardest decision to call in sick and where I am at the moment, I'm not sure when or if I can go back, but life is too short and precious to endure shit you don't need to endure.

My team and I are so close and I am shattered it has had to come to this.  I'm their leader and have taken so many bullets for them but I think there comes a time no matter what position you are in, you need to take care of yourself.  The last 24 hours has hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't cried as much in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 years.  I feel like I'm letting them all down.

So I sit here, Thursday morning at 11am, years of fucking hard work and sacrifice and now I feel completely lost and needing to start again, not knowing where the fuck to go from here.  The feelings currently are so overwhelming.  Work and my team were my purpose.  I've messaged members of my team to tell them I'm sorry even though I can't tell them what's going on, they are such good kids, I'm like their uncle or something, they all understand and thought I'd be gone long ago, but they are my friends and colleagues.  I'm completely heartbroken right now.  I can't stop the tears.  This is harder than I ever thought it would be and was praying it would never come to this.

Although, since the accident, the last 24 hours I think have shown me and even though I have just gotten back up and gotten back into it, I haven't dealt with a lot of problems since that happened, just kept busy to hide them and still put others before me.  Being selfhish and putting yourself first today feels wrong and foreign.  I don't like it.  Part of me thinks I should go back to my team and deal with the situation, but the other part says no and I don't deserve to have to cop shit when I've been so loyal to them even after everything.

Takes a while to sink in that work and organisations don't give a flying fuck about you.  Luckily, I did it for the people around me, which is the reason why this is so hard.

Wow Kade, I'm choking up after reading this. Sending a big hug to you. Please do not feel guilty taking care of yourself, its vital. I'm sure your team and co-workers trust your judgement and stand behind you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I'm here in any way if you ever need to talk, message me and I'll call you, anything you need I'm here.  :heart :heart

thanks Tom, appreciate it brother.  You too my friend, I think of you are lot and hope you are still hanging in there.  We and I are all here too.  :heart

Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it. 

My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in.  The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer.  Work is crazy and the stress is piling on.  I've been fighting with myself to push through this.  The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to.  I can't fall back to sleep.  I'm exhausted. 

Still fighting it though. 

Thank you Joe.  After posting I do take the perspective I have and remember what you've been through, what Tim has gone through, what Tom is going through and I know my current issue pales in comparison to others here but thank you for your well wishes.

You've had it rough mate, and I want to say I'm really glad we have seemed to be building a great friendship more as time goes on here.  I feel for you and hope you're doing okay.  One thing I have realised is that I feel you and I are similar leaders, you love your team as much as I do and you seem like the kind of guy I certainly would love to work under.  I'm sure a lot of the pressure you have for work that you may put on yourself is based on that too, wanting to be there for your people, I obviously love that, but while I'm not one to say, make sure you and the queen are good first.  A lot of work pressure is so unnecessary I feel (for me anyway), you're a good leader, you'll do what you need to do, don't forget about you and your wonderful wife.  You need to be good for you and her to be good for your people.
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Online wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2461 on: November 16, 2023, 05:15:38 PM »
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it. 

My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in.  The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer.  Work is crazy and the stress is piling on.  I've been fighting with myself to push through this.  The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to.  I can't fall back to sleep.  I'm exhausted. 

Still fighting it though.

Holy cow, Joe, I didn't know. Lots of hugs to the whole Kingdom from both the Indies. Fight like a Cowens!

The one good news is I had my bariactic surgery in Feburary and im down 174 pounds.  From 437 to 263 right now.  40 more pounds to go.

Fucking outstanding.
Everyone else, except Wolfking is wrong.

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2462 on: February 25, 2024, 05:05:11 AM »
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."

It's been a brutal February.  I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks.  For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered.  Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat.  I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad".  I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days.  The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of.  I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.

I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
         --Unknown


... but I'm trying to get back there.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
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Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2463 on: February 25, 2024, 06:47:54 AM »
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2464 on: February 25, 2024, 06:56:16 AM »
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.

Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”

I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.
That's a word salad - and take it from me, I know word salad
I fear for the day when something happens on the right that is SO nuts that even Stadler says "That's crazy".
Quote from: Puppies_On_Acid
Remember the mark of a great vocalist is if TAC hates them with a special passion

Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2465 on: February 25, 2024, 06:58:42 AM »
That's terrible Chad, have you considered maybe talking to a therapist?

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2466 on: February 25, 2024, 07:34:58 AM »
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.

Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”

I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.

I absolutely get that but when you feel the need to poke your head out,  I'm there for you.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.” - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
"Oh, I am definitely a jackass!" - TAC

Offline Lonk

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2467 on: February 25, 2024, 07:43:59 AM »
Sorry to hear what you're going through. Been there before, and sometimes its the little moments that help you crawl out of it.

I know I'm just a stranger here, but if there is anything I can do, I'm just a message away.
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Offline Evermind

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2468 on: February 25, 2024, 08:06:19 AM »
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.

Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”

I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.

I absolutely get that but when you feel the need to poke your head out,  I'm there for you.

Agreed. You have my number/Whatsapp if you ever need to reach out.

And hang in there Chad, I don't know about Canada but it's been absolutely dreary here this month and it's also affecting everyone. Hopefully with the spring coming soon it'll get better for you.

I can send you more shitty music too if that helps.
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Offline Jamesman42

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2469 on: February 25, 2024, 11:36:28 AM »
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.

Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”

I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.

I get it man. I was there for a while in my early 20s (remember that crazy version of me circa 2011? some of my lowest points).

One thing that helped me was to realize that depression is a strong force acting on you, but you can overcome it, and you keep going until it falls off of you or you find the solutions. Which is why you probably don't actually want to kill yourself. You want to get through this because you know it's not always this way.

Much love, brother. I am here as well.

Offline Cool Chris

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2470 on: February 25, 2024, 12:01:55 PM »
I always hate when I see this thread at the top of the page.

I've been there, I spent years wondering who would show up at my funeral if something happened. I knew a couple people cared, and that helped a lot, just knowing they might miss me if I was gone. Honestly, I have no idea how I got out of it. But I do know it was gradual. It's not all rainbows and gumdrops now, but it is better. It can and will happen for you too.
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Offline Harmony

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2471 on: February 25, 2024, 12:35:32 PM »
I stumbled upon this last week.  I can't say I'm a huge BBT fan but this resonated with me on a level that is hard to put into words.  He describes exactly how I feel in my grief over the loss of my sister well on 2 years ago now.

I know many here are dealing with grief and loss.  Maybe it will help.  I hope it does....at least as much as anything could ever possibly help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Pn3y7S5FAw
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2472 on: February 25, 2024, 12:42:41 PM »
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.

Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”

I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.

I absolutely get that but when you feel the need to poke your head out,  I'm there for you.

Same.

Always pulling for you! :heart
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline Indiscipline

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2473 on: February 25, 2024, 02:47:47 PM »
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."

It's been a brutal February.  I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks.  For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered.  Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat.  I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad".  I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days.  The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of.  I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.

I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
         --Unknown


... but I'm trying to get back there.

It takes a strong man to write a post like that, Chad.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2474 on: February 25, 2024, 05:14:09 PM »
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."

It's been a brutal February.  I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks.  For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered.  Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat.  I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad".  I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days.  The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of.  I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.

I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
         --Unknown


... but I'm trying to get back there.

First off, thank you for baring your soul to us Chad.  I know you've been a big advocate to me about sharing feelings and not letting the whole 'toxic masculinity' thing overpower you, so kudos for practicing what you preach and sharing such a raw post.  That's commendable and demands more respect again from me.

I'll add a different spin and just simply say I can relate to a lot of what you say here.  I know we can go into specifics offline if you like, but just know that you're not alone with these sorts of feelings.  I am in no way comparing because I know the history you've had and it doesn't compare, nor should it, but for it to come to this point is scary mate.  But just know the last couple of years, I have been able to relate more than ever, if that's any sort of comfort.  I'm sure there's others here that could relate in one way or another and these sorts of posts while putting your feelings out there is hard, may help others realise certain thoughts and feelings are more prevalent in some of us than they think.


Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.

Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”

I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.

I get it man. I was there for a while in my early 20s (remember that crazy version of me circa 2011? some of my lowest points).

One thing that helped me was to realize that depression is a strong force acting on you, but you can overcome it, and you keep going until it falls off of you or you find the solutions. Which is why you probably don't actually want to kill yourself. You want to get through this because you know it's not always this way.

Much love, brother. I am here as well.

I think though some can overcome it and some can't, each individual is different.  I think the cliche thinking of one foot in front of the other plus things like 'it's a low point, keep powering through, it will pass,' certainly has their place and sometimes is all the hope you need to ride those peaks and valleys.  I think some can suppress things for a period of time and that's a success until things come back again.  I'm starting to think personally it's something you can never fully conquer, just accept it and learn to live with your own mind. 

The thing is if I can relate to Chad, there's nothing anyone can say or do to help in these times, no matter how good the intentions are.  The care and support certainly goes a long way and is comforting, but over the last 2 years I've had people tell me all the positive things in the world but on those days you just think, 'meh, whatever, I still feel like shit.'  Personally I've changed and I'm accepting that.

Chad, much love, you don't deserve to feel like this.  Stay strong, you've helped me immensely over time with your words and advice, so I know you can start to climb out of the hole again.
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Offline Jamesman42

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2475 on: February 25, 2024, 06:21:40 PM »
Oh for sure, I didn't mean to overcome it entirely, but to get through this current bout with it. Once you ever have depression, it seems you have a chance of getting back to that state.

And agreed on the kind words. I'm sure you and I and everyone has good intentions in support of him, but it can really not matter in that moment when the depression just envelopes you. It's been a long time for me, and sometimes I'll start to feel a little that way, but I remember those feelings. Just hoping a good guy gets over this and maybe something we say might tell his brain to get out of that funk. :)

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2476 on: February 25, 2024, 06:32:33 PM »
Oh for sure, I didn't mean to overcome it entirely, but to get through this current bout with it. Once you ever have depression, it seems you have a chance of getting back to that state.

And agreed on the kind words. I'm sure you and I and everyone has good intentions in support of him, but it can really not matter in that moment when the depression just envelopes you. It's been a long time for me, and sometimes I'll start to feel a little that way, but I remember those feelings. Just hoping a good guy gets over this and maybe something we say might tell his brain to get out of that funk. :)

No, I didn't mean to discredit your words mate, they were spot on.  Sorry if that came off that way.

No matter what, positive words from multiple people who like the guy is never any harm, no matter how he's feeling.  It could be just that that helps someone to just tell themselves to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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Offline Jamesman42

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2477 on: February 25, 2024, 07:06:18 PM »
All good man! It's been nice to discuss this, I've had a bit of down time myself and it's almost therapeutic to talk on here.

Offline ProfessorPeart

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2478 on: February 25, 2024, 07:45:17 PM »
My wife just had another episode recently. She had been struggling for weeks/months with bad thoughts and other things. She was trying to power through and then a few Saturdays ago she goes upstairs and comes back down with a packed bag and her CPAP machine. I got the message. Got dressed and drove her to the hospital. She got admitted and spent a week in there. Now she is doing 4 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy which she goes to 5 days a week all day.

I realize something like that would be hard for a lot of people, but she needs this every few years. This was the first time she ever proactively packed a bag. I got the message without her having to say anything.

Turns out it was a good thing. Not only did she need a major med adjustment, they discovered she was suffering from serotonin syndrome as well which only made things worse. A few weeks on and she is in a much better place.

Not sure how that helps, but I guess I'm saying, as someone on the other side of this, I get it and eventually you will hopefully move past this episode.
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Offline gmillerdrake

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2479 on: February 25, 2024, 08:11:09 PM »
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."

It's been a brutal February.  I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks.  For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered.  Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat.  I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad".  I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days.  The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of.  I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.

I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
         --Unknown


... but I'm trying to get back there.

As many have mentioned Chad....just a phone call or text away. From reading your posts I know it's not that easy and that I probably don't have any magic words that can ease your suffering....but put it in your heart and mind that you have a lot of folks who are willing and able to fill a need if you so desire. Much love to you
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2480 on: February 25, 2024, 09:29:02 PM »
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."

It's been a brutal February.  I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks.  For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered.  Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat.  I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad".  I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days.  The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of.  I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.

I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
         --Unknown


... but I'm trying to get back there.

As many have mentioned Chad....just a phone call or text away. From reading your posts I know it's not that easy and that I probably don't have any magic words that can ease your suffering....but put it in your heart and mind that you have a lot of folks who are willing and able to fill a need if you so desire. Much love to you

I think we are all just willing to listen.  Sometimes that's all that's needed.


All good man! It's been nice to discuss this, I've had a bit of down time myself and it's almost therapeutic to talk on here.

It is good to put these real raw emotions out there at times.  Good thing about here how great everyone is and no one passing an ounce of judgement.
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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2481 on: February 25, 2024, 09:32:22 PM »
My wife just had another episode recently. She had been struggling for weeks/months with bad thoughts and other things. She was trying to power through and then a few Saturdays ago she goes upstairs and comes back down with a packed bag and her CPAP machine. I got the message. Got dressed and drove her to the hospital. She got admitted and spent a week in there. Now she is doing 4 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy which she goes to 5 days a week all day.

I realize something like that would be hard for a lot of people, but she needs this every few years. This was the first time she ever proactively packed a bag. I got the message without her having to say anything.

Turns out it was a good thing. Not only did she need a major med adjustment, they discovered she was suffering from serotonin syndrome as well which only made things worse. A few weeks on and she is in a much better place.

Not sure how that helps, but I guess I'm saying, as someone on the other side of this, I get it and eventually you will hopefully move past this episode.

Great to hear after all she's going through mate she came out more positive with this recent episode.  Must be hard for both of you, can't even imagine.  It's good you have each other.
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Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2482 on: February 26, 2024, 04:14:14 AM »
lots to touch on here.  First, my heart goes out to everyone living in pain, including Mrs. Peart and Harmony.  :hug:

This is how I like to express my depression ... some say they suffer from it, I say I live with it.  For me, it's no difference than having any form of chronic physical illness - arthritis, or MS, or something like that.  Some days it's barely noticeable, some days it's tough, and others it's debilitating.  But it's always there.  I know the REALLY bad times won't last forever, but (for me) they don't just fall off. 

As I reflect on my life, I've always had it (at least as far back as my teens), I just didn't recognize it for what it was until my mid-30s, or suppressed it with various means (drugs in my teens; partying/alcohol in my early 20s; love/infatuation in my late 20s; parenthood in my early 30s).

Therapy ... yeah, I would like to, but for reasons I don't want to go in to, while it would be helpful on one hand, it would likely be detrimental on another.  It's complicated.

@ Chris... the thought of "who would attend my funeral" is something that comes up in my mind a lot - especially in those really dark times.

As I said, things have been a little better the past week, but the 'hangover' of deep depression will almost always linger for a while... and it is for me at the moment.

Thanks to you all for the thoughts and comments.   :heart
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Offline emtee

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2483 on: February 26, 2024, 07:24:42 AM »
It's tough to read these posts. So many people struggling.

I have to relate a story. I have 2 large Rubbermaid totes full of photos. Every time I move I say to myself, "I need to sort through these and weed out the ones that don't matter," but I've never done it until this weekend. I'm one of these people who have spent their lives thinking that things were better back when and longing to go back but after spending hours going through those photos, I was faced with having to admit that things were never better. I saw every chapter of my life in those photos and got so depressed that I ended up throwing three quarters of the photos into garbage bags. But for some reason I didn't throw them into the trash can. They sat there on the floor. Saturday night I had horrible dreams that were driven by those photos. So many of them were family members and friends that are gone now. I have to work on identifying negative thought patterns and telling myself that I get to make the decision to rectify those thoughts and convert them into something positive and not slip into the trap of telling myself that things were better when I was younger. They weren't. I have to figure out a way to be OK with the here and now because time is running out for me to find happiness.

Offline cramx3

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2484 on: February 26, 2024, 08:39:59 AM »
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."

It's been a brutal February.  I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks.  For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered.  Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat.  I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad".  I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days.  The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of.  I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.

I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
         --Unknown


... but I'm trying to get back there.

This is tough to read, but since you put it out there it must mean that you do have the desire to feel better.  You recognize it and want it to be better.  I'm not going to sit here and act like I know how to make it better, but I can say confidently that I know it can happen.  You've got a lot of people here who enjoy your presence and know you are a good dude. Some of us are quite looking forward to hanging out together later this year.  You'll get back there, you are not "gone"