Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
Fucking sound advice Alessandro and makes perfect sense, I think you're right. . I have spoken to a couple of them tonight, they certainly do and think I should have done something a long time ago.
Was nice to talk to them after my feelings this morning. Apologies all for laying it on a bit thick. Reading back I was just being a bitch haha but this place is a haven for all of us to let it out when we need, that's how comfortable it is. Anyway, see how tomorrow goes.
This is where your mindset has to change. You weren't being a bitch... you were being human. Time to shed the toxic masculinity part mate... we all reach our limits and break down once and a while. It takes strength and courage to be vulnerable; it's not a sign of weakness whatsoever. Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react. Your reaction (and resulting emotions) yesterday was fully justified - don't diminish that by then telling yourself (and us) you were just being a bitch.
That last part is great Chad, thank you. I know you are right. Definitely something I've struggled with. Need to accept the emotions and embrace them I think. Probably the only real way to move on with things, acceptance.
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
This. Is. Gold. 
Just wanted to pop back in this morning to say 'keep your head up' Wolfie, judging by the responses above, you possess a sound mind and honest intentions–again, the world needs more people like you!
Also, if you ever wanna chat in a non-public place, feel free to drop a PM. Either way, keep on keepin' on 
Thank you so much William, you've been a great help here. To be honest though, the world needs a lot more people like many of us in here, you included, bless you.
Dropped you an email mate. You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with. Taking care of oneself when you've spent a life and career of taking care of others might as well be asking you to chew your thumbs off.
You've got all of us to lean on however much you can or want to.
Thanks Chad. Part of me feels brave, but another part of me feels weak as piss like I'm running away from the potential work problem. Time will hopefully give clarity to which is the best option. Life is funny, every day is a gamble, sometimes the gambles are just higher stakes.
Frame of reference, my friend. You're not running from the problem; if you're the leader you say you are (and I have every reason to believe you ARE) then this is your time to teach your team the hardest lesson: when to stop banging your head against the wall and prepare for the next challenge. There is ALWAYS a bigger bear, as they say, and there is wisdom to know when to stop wasting energy on a losing cause. I think it's a testament to you that it took 39 years to get to this point, but you're there now, and we've ALL come across the "bigger bear" at some point in our professional (or personal, or both) lives. It wasn't work, but some of the feelings you describe are how I felt when it finally sunk in that my marriage was over, that I had to tell my kid our family was gone, and I had to face my parents (who died last year within a couple months of each other after over 60 years of being together 24/7) that I had failed at the one thing I wanted most to emulate about them.
We forget sometimes that life isn't a Die Hard movie, with the hero riddled with bullets, bleeding from every orifice, dragging themselves up for fight after fight; in real life, we have to sometimes tend our powder, take a moment to make sure we're strong - mentally, physically, emotionally - to face the fight each day.
I see someone taking a pause to make sure they are fit and ready for the next challenge, whatever it is. Good luck, bud, and as others have said, we're here for you however you need it.
Thanks Bill. I'm sorry about your parents and your marriage. Must have been a somber feeling to accept it was over at the time. I do feel exactly like the Bruce Willis of my group, I've taken pride in that but as Chad said with the whole masculinity thing, gotta put that aside sometimes and do what I need to fight the next battle, that's sound advice.
Also, with the bolded part, funny you mention that. As I mentioned when I saw a couple of them and spoke to them last night, the older one who I've worked with for 15 years had something similar today. When I told them that I just wanted them to know how bad I felt and felt I let them down, I said to them as I mentioned, 'I'm your leader and I'm potentially not going to be there for you and that's hard.' She said to me, 'given the situation we are in and how much our small group are up against, maybe you are the one to know lead us out of the fire into different stages of our lives.' Possibly so true.
Today I have taken my first sick day in 39 years. Due to the last two years of a tough working environment which heads into evil and corrupt territory and the results and aftermath of the accident that happened to me plus the culmination of things I've dealt with and things I haven't been given in relation to that, something happened yesterday that left me feeling sick and left me with a very bad feeling.
My gut was telling me to take drastic measures immediately. The way I felt yesterday because of this are feelings no one should have to deal with let alone everything over the last 2 years. It was the hardest decision to call in sick and where I am at the moment, I'm not sure when or if I can go back, but life is too short and precious to endure shit you don't need to endure.
My team and I are so close and I am shattered it has had to come to this. I'm their leader and have taken so many bullets for them but I think there comes a time no matter what position you are in, you need to take care of yourself. The last 24 hours has hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't cried as much in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 years. I feel like I'm letting them all down.
So I sit here, Thursday morning at 11am, years of fucking hard work and sacrifice and now I feel completely lost and needing to start again, not knowing where the fuck to go from here. The feelings currently are so overwhelming. Work and my team were my purpose. I've messaged members of my team to tell them I'm sorry even though I can't tell them what's going on, they are such good kids, I'm like their uncle or something, they all understand and thought I'd be gone long ago, but they are my friends and colleagues. I'm completely heartbroken right now. I can't stop the tears. This is harder than I ever thought it would be and was praying it would never come to this.
Although, since the accident, the last 24 hours I think have shown me and even though I have just gotten back up and gotten back into it, I haven't dealt with a lot of problems since that happened, just kept busy to hide them and still put others before me. Being selfhish and putting yourself first today feels wrong and foreign. I don't like it. Part of me thinks I should go back to my team and deal with the situation, but the other part says no and I don't deserve to have to cop shit when I've been so loyal to them even after everything.
Takes a while to sink in that work and organisations don't give a flying fuck about you. Luckily, I did it for the people around me, which is the reason why this is so hard.
Wow Kade, I'm choking up after reading this. Sending a big hug to you. Please do not feel guilty taking care of yourself, its vital. I'm sure your team and co-workers trust your judgement and stand behind you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I'm here in any way if you ever need to talk, message me and I'll call you, anything you need I'm here. 
thanks Tom, appreciate it brother. You too my friend, I think of you are lot and hope you are still hanging in there. We and I are all here too.
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Thank you Joe. After posting I do take the perspective I have and remember what you've been through, what Tim has gone through, what Tom is going through and I know my current issue pales in comparison to others here but thank you for your well wishes.
You've had it rough mate, and I want to say I'm really glad we have seemed to be building a great friendship more as time goes on here. I feel for you and hope you're doing okay. One thing I have realised is that I feel you and I are similar leaders, you love your team as much as I do and you seem like the kind of guy I certainly would love to work under. I'm sure a lot of the pressure you have for work that you may put on yourself is based on that too, wanting to be there for your people, I obviously love that, but while I'm not one to say, make sure you and the queen are good first. A lot of work pressure is so unnecessary I feel (for me anyway), you're a good leader, you'll do what you need to do, don't forget about you and your wonderful wife. You need to be good for you and her to be good for your people.
Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 254988 times)
