The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[lonestar]

We do care.


I noticed that around Nov, you kinda fell of the face of DTF, and have been just recently posting on a more regular basis.  Did something happen that you should talk about with someone.  I mean here, or in your world, but to someone.

[DREAMS FTIME45]

To anyone here whom is having or has had depression or suicidal feelings please tell someone.
Really it does help to speak up.
Don't be the next statistic.
Be brave and speak about it.

[Logical Nightmare]

I knew I couldn't stay out of this thread for too long.

Last term, I had a really tough time because me and my boyfriend were going through something and I was worried we couldn't make it. We did, eventually.
Then, a month before Christmas vacations I began feeling really stressed about school and grades.
It disappeared when the term ended and instead I began feeling extremely worried about my friends leaving me, just because they were celebrating New Year's without me.
Then school started and I spent a whole day crying because my boyfriend's schedule was better than mine.
Then I spent some time constantly worrying that I was doing things wrong and that people wouldn't want to be with me.
Then I began feeling the school stress again and I started crying in school because I only got the second highest grade on an exam.
Now I'm completely devastated because I'm officially not in my band anymore.

Everything just piles up on me right now. I'm getting worse and worse at handling failures and I'm spending more and more of my time feeling sad, trying to determine what I should do about it.

But I can't do anything about it and it just makes me feel worse all the time...

[DREAMS FTIME45]

You can do something about it.
Go see a friend or family member and talk about it.
You might say well talking about it is one thing doing something about it is another thing.
Look in a nutshell talking to someone about your problems will help you and the person you talk to understand what is going on and then you can make a strategy about what you are going to do about it rather than become another statistic.

[sonatafanica]

Aranka, don't you know how many people would kill to be you? You are constantly making me jealous with how talented you are and how much of yourself you devote to your martial arts and tennis. You are undeniably intelligent, and I hope you know how silly it is to consider getting second best on an exam to be a failure.

You need to realize that the world is not ending all the time. When bad things come your way, you need to take a deep breath and size them up. Spatial awareness is so important to this.


Is getting second best on an exam so bad? Of course not. The person who received the lowest score is someone who did not do well enough.

Is that band the only band you could ever be in? Of course not. They may be, or have been, your friends, but what they did was an insensitive thing on their part.





It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.

[Logical Nightmare]

About the grades: I know it's really stupid. It's what I tell myself all the time. But always getting the best grade has become an obsession for me and I can't seem to get rid of it. A week ago I went to a psychologist to get rid of this problem, and we're meeting next week again, and so I hope tthat I will get better.

About the band: Becoming a member of that band was a dream coming true for me. That dream was recently just ripped out of my hands. It hurts, I feel abandoned, and it's not making it any better that the band is so successful now. I've promised not to be a bitch about it anymore, but it makes me sad nevertheless, and I have to spend time with the band members every day, they're my friends. I guess I'll get over it, but right now it just hurts too much.

My boyfriend has part in all this... I always feel he overachieves me. Watching him get a better grade than me or getting cheered at on a scene while I'm just in the audience makes me really jealous, and then I feel guilty for feeling jealous and get mad at myself. I hate that.

There are too many things in my life that make me feel bad. That's the problem. Constantly thinking about solving those things doesn't make me feel any better, either.

But thanks for your kind words.

[Hyperplex]

Since I've gotten healthier and other things in life have come around, I've had an easier time dealing with my depression. It's still there in the back of my mind, like a shadow I can't really outrun, but when things are going better in my life it's easier to keep at bay. Winter is always very difficult for me (this past year being absolutely NO exception), but the arrival of spring sometimes serves to raise my spirits a bit.

[icysk8r]

We do care.


I noticed that around Nov, you kinda fell of the face of DTF, and have been just recently posting on a more regular basis.  Did something happen that you should talk about with someone.  I mean here, or in your world, but to someone.

Thank you for caring.  I am glad to see people care.    Yes a lot happened.  A LOT.  I go to therapy and talk to my friends.  Still doesn't help with my depression though. 

I'm being prescribed medication for anxiety so that's good.  Hopefully it will help take off the stress.  I'm not suicidal or anything, so I guess that's good too.  I'm kind of in the middle.  I don't want to live and I don't want to die.



If I was religious I might think about killing myself.  But considering I don't believe in anythig beyond death, I don't wanna go that way.


You know, it's weird.  All of this that has happened, has erased my conscience.  I don't feel bad for things.  I still know consequences, but I don't feel bad when I do things anymore.  Maybe that's good, maybe it's bad, but I kinda like it. I'm tired of feeling guilty for everything I do.

[Jamesman42]

Since I've gotten healthier and other things in life have come around, I've had an easier time dealing with my depression. It's still there in the back of my mind, like a shadow I can't really outrun, but when things are going better in my life it's easier to keep at bay. Winter is always very difficult for me (this past year being absolutely NO exception), but the arrival of spring sometimes serves to raise my spirits a bit.

Get out into the sun more? Sunlight is like proven to make you happier, maaaan.

[Hyperplex]

Dude, I know. I was merely stating an update.

[DREAMS FTIME45]

Let me tell you my side of the story and I hope it helps somebody out there
One saturday night a long time ago my mum and dad were at home and then dad's brother came over.
They were as happy as kids in a playground.
For some strange weird reason I felt horrible inside and on the outside.
I thought well there is only one way to get attention.
So I thought I would o'd on something.
I went straight to the medicine cabinet and got the 1st thing that was in my hands at the time.
It was asprin
So I thought I would o'd on them
So I took a few and then nothing happened.
I tried to committ suicide by taking asprin
It did not work
But you know what?
I am fucking alive and happy to be alive. Have the best friends and family in the world.
And I love being me and alive and well

[sonatafanica]

About the grades: I know it's really stupid. It's what I tell myself all the time. But always getting the best grade has become an obsession for me and I can't seem to get rid of it. A week ago I went to a psychologist to get rid of this problem, and we're meeting next week again, and so I hope tthat I will get better.

About the band: Becoming a member of that band was a dream coming true for me. That dream was recently just ripped out of my hands. It hurts, I feel abandoned, and it's not making it any better that the band is so successful now. I've promised not to be a bitch about it anymore, but it makes me sad nevertheless, and I have to spend time with the band members every day, they're my friends. I guess I'll get over it, but right now it just hurts too much.

My boyfriend has part in all this... I always feel he overachieves me. Watching him get a better grade than me or getting cheered at on a scene while I'm just in the audience makes me really jealous, and then I feel guilty for feeling jealous and get mad at myself. I hate that.

There are too many things in my life that make me feel bad. That's the problem. Constantly thinking about solving those things doesn't make me feel any better, either.

But thanks for your kind words.

What I'm trying to say is that it is o.k. to feel the way you feel. Be as sad or depressed or angry as you feel. But you have to look on the bright side of things as well. That's all. A good balance is healthy.

[Fuzzboy]

Edit:nvm

[icysk8r]

Let me tell you my side of the story and I hope it helps somebody out there
One saturday night a long time ago my mum and dad were at home and then dad's brother came over.
They were as happy as kids in a playground.
For some strange weird reason I felt horrible inside and on the outside.
I thought well there is only one way to get attention.
So I thought I would o'd on something.
I went straight to the medicine cabinet and got the 1st thing that was in my hands at the time.
It was asprin
So I thought I would o'd on them
So I took a few and then nothing happened.
I tried to committ suicide by taking asprin
It did not work
But you know what?
I am fucking alive and happy to be alive. Have the best friends and family in the world.
And I love being me and alive and well

There could be a lot of differences between your story and others' though.  You tried to commit suicide for attention, when with some people that is far from what they want.  They just don't want to live anymore.  I'm not saying one is better than the other, or that either is good at all, but some people may find it hard to relate to that story.

[Marvellous G]

Not to necropost in my own thread, but... (long story incoming)

We have a cottage by the sea which I hate for various reasons which I won't detail here, but it's basically hellish for any teenager, especially in Winter. This year we were going down for Easter and I was having to revise for my GCSEs down there, which only makes matters worse. Now my sister just came back from Uni, and was debating whether to bring her boyfriend down to the cottage with her. I was fine with this as if she did I could bring a friend with me too. Then I was told he definitely wasn't coming, so no need for a friend, it would just be now-rare family time with just the four of us. But then yesterday, the day before we went down, it turns out, gasp, he probably is coming, far too late for me to change my plans and invite a friend.

Now, this is in no way the end of the world, but when you consider I'm a moody teenager who hates our cottage anyway, and will be revising for hateful exams the whole time we're down there, this hardly helped things. So I overreacted and got very angry at her, and this morning she said she was going to leave early to avoid being with me any longer. My parents were shocked and appalled at this, as my sister comes back so rarely from Uni, and is always their ray of happiness when she does because our family can avoid arguments if we're not together for too long, so my parents ordered me to make nice to her or I would be punished accordingly. Naturally I was very angry by this point, as my Easter holidays were just a mass of revision in a place I hate, now with a person I didn't care for as well. While I was overreacting, I admit, I was still angry.

Eventually though we all had a good cry and made up in the car. But before that, when I had my iPod in, my mum, dad and sister all had a conversation IN THE CAR WITH ME when they thought I was oblivious and enjoying my music. But I stealthily paused And Justice For All and listened in, and what I heard hurt quite a bit.

Basically, my mum hates the fact it's just her and me in the house until my dad gets home from work very late every day, because I'm uncommunicative and grumpy after school. She said, truly enough, that I just come home and stay in my room, then come down for dinner, watch some Frasier with her, and 'that's it' as she so aptly put. Apparently I'm also NEVER happy, as when I received the certificate telling me I'd got a distinction in a guitar exam I 'barely smiled'. (although this was just so I didn't appear smug)

While all of this is true, am I really the only teenager in GCSE year who is miserable and stays in their room most of the time? I'm perfectly happy and animated with my friends at school, but I admit I'm curt and irritable afterwards at home, mainly because I have yet more homework to get on with anyway.

What should I do DTF? I'm actually very worried, I don't want to be effectively ruining my mum's life so I suppose I should talk to her and prove I'm not clinically depressed and in need of help as she suspects. To anyone who tries to help, thank you for suffering through that wall of text.

[bout to crash]

Well, I think that is all pretty normal for a teenager. I was grumpy as hell at home in my early teens (also in my later teens but then I was seriously depressed so it was a bit more complicated) and so were a lot of my friends. It's a weird time where boundaries and relationships and people are changing (not to mention all those hormones and shit). It sucks that you had to hear that, but I think your mother should know that kind of stuff if pretty typical and not take it personally. But knowing how she feels now, maybe you can make more of an effort to spend more time with her and be a little nicer. I know from experience that it's much easier to be irritable with your own family because, unless you really fuck each other over, you're stuck together for life... so family will tolerate a lot more shit. But, that doesn't mean you should knowingly dish it out. Once I became more aware of my behavior at home I was able to change it a lot.. I still snap at my mother sometimes when I'm there and then catch myself being really immature and chill out.

[bout to crash]

Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.

[ReaperKK]

All I have to say is FUCK YOU APRIL!!!!! END ALREADY

I thought this would be a good area to vent my april anger.

[Sigz]

Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.

That really sucks. Long distance relationships are not fun at all. But a semester isn't that long, right? Just a few extra months?



I've also had an awful week. I've been really sick, but completely unable to sleep, so I end up catching a few hours of sleep on the couch at most, which isn't helping the whole illness thing. So then my total lack of energy and general shitty feeling is making it really hard to keep on top of my work, and I can already feel myself slipping behind in two of my classes, which of course stresses me out more. Bah.

[ReaperKK]

Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.

I don't know how long you've already been long distance but a semester isn't that much more even though it's not ideal. It'll make your reunion all the more better

[sonatafanica]

I'm now worried that I did not pass my jazz class. Even after dropping a class to lighten my work load, my job still keeps me too busy to focus on school primarily. I'm lucky if I get any time to do assignments, let alone study for exams. I felt really bad taking the final today, as it felt like I did not know half the material. Thank goodness for multiple choice questioned tests at least.

[bout to crash]

Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.

I don't know how long you've already been long distance but a semester isn't that much more even though it's not ideal. It'll make your reunion all the more better

Yeah, but it just gets harder and harder with time (I thought it would be the other way around). It's been about 8 months now, I guess. If he still decides to come out here, which he might not (it's all uncertain because I don't even know if I plan on staying out here after I graduate) it would probably be January instead of September. I know it's relatively not too bad but I'm just sick of being alone out here

Sigz, that sucks. I've been kinda sick too and also falling behind so I can relate. Fuckin' grad school.

[ReaperKK]

Having gone through two long distance relationships, they are very hard to work with.

What helps is to have a date where the long distance ends. If you just go in the relationship with no end date things usually get messy. I do however wish you the best!

Out of curiosity where were you thinking of going after graduation?

[Progmetty]

My short attention span problem is getting worse, I dunno why and it's depressing the hell out of me.
I have some paper work to do in my job and it's all numbers, yesterday I spent 3 hours doing some calculations that are usually takes 15 minutes tops, I'm depressed cause I felt pity for myself for it.

[bout to crash]

Having gone through two long distance relationships, they are very hard to work with.

What helps is to have a date where the long distance ends. If you just go in the relationship with no end date things usually get messy. I do however wish you the best!

Out of curiosity where were you thinking of going after graduation?

Yeah, I have heard that. Well, the long distance was supposed to end this summer when I spent some time back in Jersey and then he came out here with me... and if not then, after next year when I graduate... but I am still up in the air about what I'm doing after I graduate. I mean, I love Colorado but I'm not in love with it. But the thought of going back to Jersey both appeals to and repulses me at the same time. I guess it depends if I get offered a job right away. So yeah, confused and unsure. Thanks though

My short attention span problem is getting worse, I dunno why and it's depressing the hell out of me.
I have some paper work to do in my job and it's all numbers, yesterday I spent 3 hours doing some calculations that are usually takes 15 minutes tops, I'm depressed cause I felt pity for myself for it.

I have actually been having some similar issues lately so I feel you. It's part attention span part lack of motivation.. I do a lot of screwing around online rather than the work I should be doing... like right now, for instance! It's also depressing me because I'm falling behind on stuff.

[Jamesman42]

Holy fuck I am depressed. Fuck life.

[PlaysLikeMyung]

I'm fucking sick of people cancelling plans with me at the last fucking second

[Hyperplex]

Tonight is the first time in a little while that I feel the familiar crushing wave sweeping over me. I didn't miss this.

[bout to crash]

 

[tri.ad]

I'm fucking sick of people cancelling plans with me at the last fucking second

Yeah, I hate that as well. Sadly, the more you're looking forward to something planned, the more likely it is that it won't happen...

[bout to crash]

I think it just seems that way sometimes.

I've found that sometimes my expectations are too high though when it comes to things going as planned. Things never go as planned and I need to not get upset about that so much. It's life. That said, it still sucks to get bailed on by flaky people. I try to avoid those people.

[nightmare_cinema]

What's really getting to me right now is my mum... she's a total mess, killing herself through drink, has liver cirrhosis and is still drinking, lost her job, no prospect for further employment, is depressed and addicted to painkillers ontop of vodka and can't/won't even get her shit together enough to come to my graduation. She's developed agarophobia so it's kinda understandable but it really hurts that she won't even TRY come and see me graduate and to be honest she's just getting worse and worse. She was hospitalised for a couple weeks a few months ago, came out and started drinking immediately. It's so fucking unbelievably frustrating to watch someone you love kill themselves with drink and be miserable and not be able to do anything about it because they won't/can't help themselves When she got sick I did everything I could, I moved her from her house to another place she could afford and packed up the home I grew up in and organised pretty much everything and had to leave a job because she was always ringing and panicking and worrying me because she doesn't eat (and still doesn't). I called an ambulance once when she said she'd almost killed herself and they couldn't do anything, I've taken her to doctors, AA meetings, rehabilitation centres, tried the tough love approach, tried taking all her alcohol, etc. and nothing works.

I'm just trying to ignore it and focus on uni because she's not getting any better and I failed my only module last semester because I had no time/mental capacity to revise for the exam while she was in hospital and I went to see her every day. Urgrgrghrghrhgg! Sorry for epic rant

[sonatafanica]

I really hope those conditions improve, as I'm sure you do as well anyway. Some people just do not want to be helped, I suppose.

[Hyperplex]

I'm realy sorry to hear that n_c. Watching a loved one go through something like that has got to take its toll on you. You're very strong, obviously, and I hope that all ends are favorable.

[bout to crash]

Yeah, that must be terrible to watch. I'm all about empowerment and taking control of a situation, but in those situations you have to, as they say, accept the things you can't change. I mean, you can still try to encourage her to go the healthy route but ultimately she makes her own decisions and you can't have the responsibility resting on your shoulders. Do what you can for her and be with her in the moment, but you're not obligated to be with her all the time.