The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[Jamesman42]

Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.

I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.

[Glasser]

Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.

Well, if it means anything, you've been a great addition to the DTF roster. Personally, I'm thankful you joined.

Thanks Tim, I feel the same. Just going through it. 

[Glasser]

Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.

I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.

I've been and it makes a difference but some things overwhelm and the holidays are approaching. My dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma (brain cancer) on Christmas Day 2018 and passed right after the following Christmas. Some triggers are tough. Then last Mothers Day I lost my mom and then my family just fell apart. My brother and I haven't spoken since my dad passed and we grew up close. Sorry for the rambling, its just painful.

[wolfking]

Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.

I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.

I've been and it makes a difference but some things overwhelm and the holidays are approaching. My dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma (brain cancer) on Christmas Day 2018 and passed right after the following Christmas. Some triggers are tough. Then last Mothers Day I lost my mom and then my family just fell apart. My brother and I haven't spoken since my dad passed and we grew up close. Sorry for the rambling, its just painful.

Not much I can say man but I echo Tim's sentiments 100%, you're welcome in our little family here.

I can't recommend anything in your situation with your family but is it worth reaching out to your brother, or is the relationship beyond repair?

I can't talk, I only really have contact with my siblings through my mother, not sure what happens when her time comes. 

[King Postwhore]

You always have an outlet here to vent. We are here for you, Glasser.  Never forget that.

[Stadler]

You always have an outlet here to vent. We are here for you, Glasser.  Never forget that.

Second this, 100%.  We're family.

And don't give up on the therapy yet, please.  I know you have to be into it for it to work, but if you get a good one, a professional, they can help you through.

[jingle.boy]

Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.

I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.

I've been and it makes a difference but some things overwhelm and the holidays are approaching. My dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma (brain cancer) on Christmas Day 2018 and passed right after the following Christmas. Some triggers are tough. Then last Mothers Day I lost my mom and then my family just fell apart. My brother and I haven't spoken since my dad passed and we grew up close. Sorry for the rambling, its just painful.

Not much I can say man but I echo Tim's sentiments 100%, you're welcome in our little family here.

I can't recommend anything in your situation with your family but is it worth reaching out to your brother, or is the relationship beyond repair?

I can't talk, I only really have contact with my siblings through my mother, not sure what happens when her time comes.

This could have been me posting.  My and my brother's relationship is non-existent - the only contact we've had over the past 6 years was around my father's passing, and I fully expect the next (and last) contact will be when it's my mother's time.  It's sad, but (and I know not everyone subscribe's to this belief), blood alone doesn't make people family.  I wouldn't tolerate any random person treating me the way my brother has over the past 25 years (don't want to go in to it, just trust me), so why should I tolerate that just because the person is a blood relative.  Boundaries exist and apply to everyone, imo.  I'm happy for all the people in the world that have the kind of relationship that Joe and his brother do, that family is always 'there' when you need them to be ... but not everyone has family like that.

So, Tom... you're a member and part of the DTF family for sure, and I'm glad af to have you around.  As more than a few DTF'rs know, I've shared more than my fair share of struggles over the years.  Pretty much any one of us would do and be the same for you.

[wolfking]

That sucks Chad.  It is hard when you see how some brothers are 'brothers' through thick and thin yet others are strangers.  Thing is, me and my brother are just two very different people.  We are like chalk and cheese.  We had one falling out yeaes ago but the whole problem is how different we are.  And truthfully I can't tolerate his mindset, blaming everyone else in the world except himself for his problems.

[Glasser]

Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like  a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. 

[Stadler]

Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like  a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. 

Does anyone? 

I kid! I kid! My current MiL is excellent and I love her.  Not so much my previous one.

[WilliamMunny]

Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like  a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. 

I SO hear you, my friend.

Nearly 100% of the arguments in marriage are related to the dreadful in-laws...

[King Postwhore]

My mother in law to my wife, then my girlfriend that I had the ring. She tried to submarine me. I've never forgave her. At one point, my wife didn't talk to her mom for 10 years.

[Glasser]

Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like  a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. 

I SO hear you, my friend.

Nearly 100% of the arguments in marriage are related to the dreadful in-laws...

To be honest my wife knows exactly how and why I feel the way I do and we don't argue about it, which is rare. I have my reasons which are valid and respected but I just keep my distance which does make some situations awkward but I have zero tolerance for emotional abuse or bullshit drama. Thanks for the reply my friend and I hope you're not dealing with a similar situation. I learned that silence and indifference immediately shuts down all arguing but its not easy. 

[SoundscapeMN]

I just found out someone I know on Discord just died. I didn't know him too well, but would chat about Kevin Gilbert with him in a small group sometimes.

It's just weird and surreal, as he was chatting in there like 10 days ago.

I guess he died from a Blood Clot, which I actually have a Blood Clot as well, but have managed it with a Blood Thinner for a few years.

I guess he was planning on going to ProgPower next year and everything. He was a musician, has music online of course. Just 39 years old. Unsure if others know him, but he was known as "mantis" in the Discord channel and on some other sites.

[King Postwhore]

I have over 30 blood clots in my lungs in 2016. I have to take blood thinners the rest of my life.

[Glasser]

I have over 30 blood clots in my lungs in 2016. I have to take blood thinners the rest of my life.

That's absolutely awful!

[King Postwhore]

Glad I was smart enough to get to a hospital. I got there and there was at least 100 people in thr ER.  I got to the window,  told them I was short of breath and it reminded me of another time I had blood clots.

They rushed me right in.

[TAC]

I have over 30 blood clots in my lungs in 2016. I have to take blood thinners the rest of my life.

Yikes!!

[Jamesman42]

I yelled like I have never yelled before at my 4 year old girl. I had a long day at work, then band practice, just overall tired of it all. She was not eating her dinner when I came home, playing around and just wanted Halloween candy instead of dinner. While pouting on the couch, she pushed her little 1 year old brother and he almost smacked his head hard onto the coffee table. I let out a guttural scream of "go to your room" while consoling the boy as he was in hysterics.

Not my best day today, and I am honestly really down about how my life is right now, and it doesn't feel like it's improving anytime soon.

[jingle.boy]

Oh man. We’ve all had those not so savoury parent moments. Fear of injury to your child can cause that intense anger, coupled with the disappointment that it was your other child that nearly caused it. Been there. I feel for ya James. Don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s a learning moment to move forward from.

[TAC]

Yeah James, that happens. And it's important to follow up with her to let her know why you got upset.

If it helps, she'll never remember it.

[Cool Chris]

And it's important to follow up with her to let her know why you got upset.

Definitely. I found that if I circle back to one of the kids after something like this happens, we usually have a good discussion about everything that happened, and it allows me to explain my mindset at the time, and ask for forgiveness for acting inappropriately, even if what I was doing might not have been completely out of the bounds of parenting.

[Grappler]

And it's important to follow up with her to let her know why you got upset.

Definitely. I found that if I circle back to one of the kids after something like this happens, we usually have a good discussion about everything that happened, and it allows me to explain my mindset at the time, and ask for forgiveness for acting inappropriately, even if what I was doing might not have been completely out of the bounds of parenting.

We've been working on that.  I am so awesome at that DAD ROAR, but I learned that it actually scares my daughter.  The natural instinct when someone yells is to back away, both physically and emotionally.  I still have my moments when things really go to shit, but talking to her when we've all calmed down works wonders.  She's learned to apologize to us for acting out and we've become better at apologizing to her for reacting harshly. 

I yelled like I have never yelled before at my 4 year old girl. I had a long day at work, then band practice, just overall tired of it all. She was not eating her dinner when I came home, playing around and just wanted Halloween candy instead of dinner. While pouting on the couch, she pushed her little 1 year old brother and he almost smacked his head hard onto the coffee table. I let out a guttural scream of "go to your room" while consoling the boy as he was in hysterics.

Not my best day today, and I am honestly really down about how my life is right now, and it doesn't feel like it's improving anytime soon.

Don't worry about it.  Kids are resilient and will bounce back after a nice talk and a bunch of hugs and kisses.  My kids have been on a candy or nothing kick too and it's been a battle to get them to eat their meals before diving into the candy.  I can't tell you how many mistakes I've made, sometimes on a daily basis, with my kids.  I just remember that tomorrow is another day and it can always be better than the last.

[Jamesman42]

Thanks guys, your comments are extremely helpful.

I circled back this morning and she was happy to see me. She did say I scared her but she also said she should have eaten her dinner and not pushed her brother. I was surprised that she could say that, I don't recall her being able to reason that sort of stuff out before. All in all, you all are right, we talked about it and she was happy to see me this morning. I will aim to be better at not coming home with nothing to spare.

[Podaar]

You've received some decent wisdom in this thread, Jamesman. However; as resilient as kids may be, they remember too. For a very long time. Sure, when she's twelve, she may not be able to recall details of why Daddy scares her, only that he does. That it's better to hide things from him or lie to him than to make him yell again.

If this is the only time she gets yelled at, then all the good, gentle, fun moments you have with her could pile up to mostly submerge the fear. Risk avoidance is real, however, and the flight instinct strong. I think all of us would do well to keep these things in mind. It's possible to raise well behaved children without fear and violence.

[Jamesman42]

Well yeah, I know all of that. I had a bad day and I acknowledged that and apologized to her. I can only move forward and aim to be better. This was a one-off case.

[Podaar]

Of course you do. I apologize for the tone of my post. It's more a reflection of my own upbringing and should have stayed in my head as private mussings. I don't know when I'm going to learn to not press the post button.

Carry on.

[jingle.boy]

Of course you do. I apologize for the tone of my post. It's more a reflection of my own upbringing and should have stayed in my head as private mussings. I don't know when I'm going to learn to not press the post button.

Carry on.

More trauma surfacing there??    

Your above comments are fair and wise Gregg, and totally reasonable to post/share (imo).  So long as it's not a recurring thing for anyone, these moments will happen - I'm not sure I know any parent that is immune.

[Jamesman42]

Of course you do. I apologize for the tone of my post. It's more a reflection of my own upbringing and should have stayed in my head as private mussings. I don't know when I'm going to learn to not press the post button.

Carry on.

No, I appreciate it. Maybe the tone was a little harsh, but I also am extra sensitive on this as well, so that might be me.

[Glasser]

My only brother who I haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years was in a horrific car accident ( at his own peril) and is in pretty bad shape. I love him dearly but what he put me through 3 years ago was so traumatic I haven't been the same. I visited him in the ICU because I wasn't sure he was going to survive and it was awful. He saw me and cried which broke my heart but I am not ready to attempt reconciliation that's how awful my experience was. I'm crushed over this, he's my younger brother but he made a bad choice and this accident was the consequence. I feel like an orphan and it sucks.

[wolfking]

Tom, I'm so sorry to read that, can't imagine how you would be feeling.  I honestly hope he can pull through for you and hopefully a positive can come out of it in the repair of your relationship.

[TAC]

My only brother who I haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years was in a horrific car accident ( at his own peril) and is in pretty bad shape. I love him dearly but what he put me through 3 years ago was so traumatic I haven't been the same. I visited him in the ICU because I wasn't sure he was going to survive and it was awful. He saw me and cried which broke my heart but I am not ready to attempt reconciliation that's how awful my experience was. I'm crushed over this, he's my younger brother but he made a bad choice and this accident was the consequence. I feel like an orphan and it sucks.

I'm very sorry to read all this..

Obviously I don't know the history, but what I would want to say to you is....be the big brother, whatever that means.

[wolfking]

My only brother who I haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years was in a horrific car accident ( at his own peril) and is in pretty bad shape. I love him dearly but what he put me through 3 years ago was so traumatic I haven't been the same. I visited him in the ICU because I wasn't sure he was going to survive and it was awful. He saw me and cried which broke my heart but I am not ready to attempt reconciliation that's how awful my experience was. I'm crushed over this, he's my younger brother but he made a bad choice and this accident was the consequence. I feel like an orphan and it sucks.

I'm very sorry to read all this..

Obviously I don't know the history, but what I would want to say to you is....be the big brother, whatever that means.

Oh shit, I read that wrong from what Tom wrote.  I was still half asleep I guess.  I read the opposite.

Tom, same, I don't know the history, but these are those moments in life where you need to think, would you be happy with how things are left if for some reason he's not around?  Is it worth it?

[Glasser]

Thank you guys for the love but that's not happening. He has had 5 surgeries over the past week and will "survive". He was .3 blood alcohol with his son in the car who is a minor AND another car was in the accident and the driver suffered major injury. Just going to see him last week took every ounce of my strength. He also was just diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. There's major reasons I will not be part of his life. Maybe someday.

[Jamesman42]

Glasser, I get it. My dad would do cocaine with my brother when my brother was 19. They ruined their lives (and are now both dead) and for me, I had to give a lot of distance between them and myself because I was getting my own life in order. I couldn't imagine trying to reconcile with the trauma you faced.