I can say I'm going through something similar as well. My mom has alzheimers.
Eight years ago, it started as short-term memory loss, where she would repeat herself a lot. There was one dinner where she asked my wife and I the same question five times n a three minute span. That continued for about 6 years, along with other episodes (she got lost in a parking garage and couldn't find her car). At the time, she was also babysitting our daughter one day a week. My dad eventually retired (I think to prevent any catastrophe while babysitting). Their friends and people in town started to notice and ask my dad about it. He'd explain it away as just short term memory loss from aging, but it was the elephant in the room - you couldn't talk to my mom about it. She'd deny it. She was brought up by a very stoic, German father, who believed that admitting weakness was bad. She's very much like him.
During the early days of the pandemic in 2020, my dad came over to my house one morning to help me change our water heater. Afterwards, he stood in our driveway and vented about my mom. He'd started talking to her about her memory issues, which would lead to an all-out argument. She'd be mad for 3 days, then forget why she was mad and nothing was wrong. The cycle would repeat. We started talking to him more frequently and helping him. He was so upset with her that he was talking about divorcing her. That scared me a bit, but he came down from that ledge and talked to my cousins (two of my mom's sisters had alzheimers) which helped.
Over the last two years, he's taken more control of the situation, arranged their finances and has been taking care of her as the disease progresses, including getting her to a neurologist for help with her memory loss. On the weekend that my family and I moved into our new house, they had an argument, and then a day later she became physically violent towards him, throwing things. I got all of these texts - he didn't know what to do. My brother and I both said to call 911 and let them handle it. She made a sarcastic suicidal comment in front of the paramedics, who threw her in the ambulance and took her to the ER. From there, she went to a behavioral health unit for 10 days. They adjusted her medication, which turned her into a zombie. She has no personality, can't hold a conversation, and won't sit still. Every 30 seconds, she gets up, but has no motivation to do anything.
He tried home help care, but she was aggressive towards them and he doesn't want to subject 3rd parties to her behavior. Today, she became violent with him again after several months of not being that way, and reached over and grabbed the steering wheel while driving. The behavioral health unit wouldn't take her in. So they went home. She kept trying to push him out of the house and make him leave, and then finally hit him over the head with the handset from the telephone. He called 911 again and I finally said that it's time he seriously consider a permanent memory care residential facility for her. My dad is finally on board with that after several months of us suggesting it.
We'll see how it goes, but it's so sad to see her like this. I baby sat her one morning and she wouldn't sit down and watch the news. She'd make sarcastic comments to me to make me stop reading a book and pay attention to her, but when I'd suggest doing something, she wouldn't want to do it. Certain memories come back to me and I think about her during that year, realizing how quickly her disease progressed. I hate admitting it, but in 2020, my dad was so beside himself that I started wondering if it would be a blessing if my mom got that original strain of covid and didn't survive it. He hasn't been able to enjoy his retirement - had to quit his bowling and golf leagues, had to stop serving on the planning and zoning committee of their town, and can't travel. If she leaves the house, she wants to go home, but when she's home, she gets depressed. I come up with reasons to get them out of the house, like "hey, come over and help me change a light switch."
Watching your parents age is awful.
Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 254390 times)
