Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread.  (Read 268524 times)

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Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2100 on: September 01, 2022, 03:44:41 PM »
I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling.  :|

It's good to vent. Get it out and then get on the horse again. I try to focus on the good moments.  Anytime you need to talk, we are all here for you.
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Offline KevShmev

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2101 on: September 01, 2022, 03:47:03 PM »
I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling.  :|

As someone having a bad year myself, I feel ya.  Hang in there, though, and like others have said, don't be afraid to reach out.  Chatting about music or whatever here can certainly help.  :tup :tup

Offline Cool Chris

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2102 on: September 01, 2022, 08:49:39 PM »
This is from some iteration of the TV show Degrassi. I watched the show growing up when it was in its original incarnation, which featured these characters as kids,. A ton of backstory helps, which makes it more meaningful for me, but basically the bald guy is struggling with having cancer, and the other guy is his estranged friend who just got out of prison after killing a kid while driving drunk. Relevant part is 1:49-3:15. Makes me smile and tear up at the same time.

https://youtu.be/ET9dih_yMzA?t=109

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Offline Glasser

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2103 on: September 01, 2022, 09:01:57 PM »
 :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart :heart

Offline jingle.boy

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2104 on: September 02, 2022, 06:49:04 AM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
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Offline Glasser

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2105 on: September 02, 2022, 04:00:48 PM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way too my friend, but you are so right. It's pointless bitching, everyone's wrapped up in their own crap on this DICK SKIN planet.

Offline King Postwhore

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2106 on: September 02, 2022, 04:57:35 PM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.

Here for you any time Chad.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. - Bob Newhart
So wait, we're spelling it wrong and king is spelling it right? What is going on here? :lol -- BlobVanDam
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Offline Dublagent66

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2107 on: September 06, 2022, 03:32:05 PM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.

I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode.  In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself.  No relationships to speak of.  No going out and spending money at bars every weekend. 
As little driving as possible.  The least amount of contact with others as possible.  Which leads to my next point...


Actually, I do neither.  Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise?  It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.
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Offline Glasser

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2108 on: September 06, 2022, 04:01:47 PM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.

I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode.  In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself.  No relationships to speak of.  No going out and spending money at bars every weekend. 
As little driving as possible.  The least amount of contact with others as possible.  Which leads to my next point...


Actually, I do neither.  Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise?  It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.

I'm gonna let it fly, ready? Self preservation is fucking SURVIVAL!!! Fuck any and everyone's opinion! You do not owe anyone an explanation of what or why!!!! I'm so fucking tired of the emotional fuckery in the world!!! I refuse to be judged by anyone, nor will I judge anyone. No one walks in my shoes and knows what the fuck I'm going through! If you don't like it!!! BYE BYE!!!! I agree with you 100 fucking percent.

Offline Dublagent66

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2109 on: September 06, 2022, 04:10:40 PM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.

I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode.  In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself.  No relationships to speak of.  No going out and spending money at bars every weekend. 
As little driving as possible.  The least amount of contact with others as possible.  Which leads to my next point...


Actually, I do neither.  Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise?  It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.

I'm gonna let it fly, ready? Self preservation is fucking SURVIVAL!!! Fuck any and everyone's opinion! You do not owe anyone an explanation of what or why!!!! I'm so fucking tired of the emotional fuckery in the world!!! I refuse to be judged by anyone, nor will I judge anyone. No one walks in my shoes and knows what the fuck I'm going through! If you don't like it!!! BYE BYE!!!! I agree with you 100 fucking percent.

I also might add that you had just the right amount of fuck bombs in that post for maximum effectiveness!  :lol :tup
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Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2110 on: September 06, 2022, 08:50:00 PM »
I keep meaning to post something here but not sure where to start.  I will though.

Dublagent, can I ask what's lead you to live like you have the last year and have you always been that way?   I get what you mean though and for me it's just work and home at the moment.  But I've always kinda been like that.
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Offline Cool Chris

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2111 on: September 06, 2022, 09:02:58 PM »
When I was in college and finally accepted I was feeling depressed, I started answering honestly when people would ask "hey, Cool Chris, how are you doing?" It's a good way to find out who your true friends are when the reply is "I'm really struggling to find a reason to get up in the morning..." instead of "quite well, thank you, how are you?"
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Offline KevShmev

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2112 on: September 06, 2022, 09:05:51 PM »
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few.  I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions.  Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me.  It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.

I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode.  In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself.  No relationships to speak of.  No going out and spending money at bars every weekend. 
As little driving as possible.  The least amount of contact with others as possible.  Which leads to my next point...


Actually, I do neither.  Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise?  It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.

I'm gonna let it fly, ready? Self preservation is fucking SURVIVAL!!! Fuck any and everyone's opinion! You do not owe anyone an explanation of what or why!!!! I'm so fucking tired of the emotional fuckery in the world!!! I refuse to be judged by anyone, nor will I judge anyone. No one walks in my shoes and knows what the fuck I'm going through! If you don't like it!!! BYE BYE!!!! I agree with you 100 fucking percent.

I agree, but I think it is fair to say that everyone deals with depression or the blues or whatever bad stuff they are going through in different ways.  If someone wants to put on a smile for to prevent the "what's wrong?"-type questions, that is what works for them.  If someone wants to not hide it all, that is what works for them.  If I am feeling down or whatever, I usually opt for "faking it" and putting on a smile as best I can, but lately it is getting more difficult, and I have had people notice I haven't been as "up." I just don't have it in me to fake it lately and act all chipper and ecstatic in general (although I have my moments).  Life blows.

Offline soupytwist

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2113 on: September 07, 2022, 07:28:56 AM »
I'll just found this out today, I mean I'm not even sure how to feel about it...

My Brother-In-Law had been seeing a therapist for a few months due to feeling depressed.  Couple of weeks ago he had his session cancelled, he found out over this weekend it was because his therapist committed suicide.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2114 on: September 07, 2022, 07:44:01 AM »
I'll just found this out today, I mean I'm not even sure how to feel about it...

My Brother-In-Law had been seeing a therapist for a few months due to feeling depressed.  Couple of weeks ago he had his session cancelled, he found out over this weekend it was because his therapist committed suicide.

It's definitely something hard to wrap your head around.  I hope your Brother in Law goes to another therapist right away.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. - Bob Newhart
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Offline Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2115 on: September 07, 2022, 11:39:58 AM »
So I have at least two, maybe three people UNDER MY ROOF that are battling some level of depression (thankfully they are all getting help). I don't think I'm depressed per se - my therapist doesn't think so - but I'm in that group, in that it seems more of an uphill battle each day, and there seems to be more and more incentive to both drink and play PlayStation on any given day after work.   But this is an interesting conversation; where is the line and how do we balance that?  I don't know that I get any salvation from telling people "life's treating me like a baby treats a diaper, thanks!".    Isn't the "zero fucks given" sort of what we write about in some of the other threads?

None of this is meant to be insensitive; we're among friends here so it's different.

Offline ProfessorPeart

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2116 on: September 07, 2022, 12:12:39 PM »
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.

My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acute care hospital where she was for a week.

Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.

I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2022, 08:36:55 PM by ProfessorPeart »
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Offline Glasser

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2117 on: September 07, 2022, 01:46:42 PM »
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.

My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acoute care hospital where she was for a week.

Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.

I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.

I'm so crushed to hear you and your wife are going through this, it makes me feel sick reading it. I wish I could hug you right now. Its such a vulnerable and helpless feeling I'm sure. From the bottom of my heart I'm sending strength, positive healing vibes and love to you both! Please keep us updated on her recovery status and reach out if you need to talk. I'm sure I speak for us all on this forum.  :heart :heart :heart

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2118 on: September 07, 2022, 01:48:41 PM »
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.

My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acoute care hospital where she was for a week.

Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.

I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.

Ugh. Hopefully they'll figure it out soon, and that it's not too serious.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
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Offline geeeemo

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2119 on: September 07, 2022, 02:24:08 PM »
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9.  It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left.  He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.

He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.

I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)

People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.

I feel for all of you suffering. I hear you though, and am giving you all a hug.

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2120 on: September 07, 2022, 02:47:08 PM »
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9.  It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left.  He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.

He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.

I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)

People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.

That is all very heartbreaking to read. I have a 21 y/o son with not depression issues, but he is autistic with challenges that come from that. It's too bad your husband couldn't get on board with the proper care for his son. As a parent of a child with challenges, it's very disappointing to read that, and I feel bad that you're going this alone. I've always said, a child needs all the love and support they can get. It's one of the main issues I have with my parents as they have pretty much ignored my kids their whole life. A big loss for my son. Thankfully, my wife has a large family that loves him.

Anyway, I bolded the last paragraph because I don't go to many concerts either. My wife will not leave our son alone for the night (not all night, just concert hours night). I'm not going alone, that doesn't really work here, and I don't really have a concert buddy. I do pick the really important shows and we figure it out. Now, it involves my other son going with me, or him being home with his brother.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline geeeemo

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2121 on: September 07, 2022, 03:45:40 PM »
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9.  It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left.  He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.

He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.

I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)

People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.

That is all very heartbreaking to read. I have a 21 y/o son with not depression issues, but he is autistic with challenges that come from that. It's too bad your husband couldn't get on board with the proper care for his son. As a parent of a child with challenges, it's very disappointing to read that, and I feel bad that you're going this alone. I've always said, a child needs all the love and support they can get. It's one of the main issues I have with my parents as they have pretty much ignored my kids their whole life. A big loss for my son. Thankfully, my wife has a large family that loves him.

Anyway, I bolded the last paragraph because I don't go to many concerts either. My wife will not leave our son alone for the night (not all night, just concert hours night). I'm not going alone, that doesn't really work here, and I don't really have a concert buddy. I do pick the really important shows and we figure it out. Now, it involves my other son going with me, or him being home with his brother.


I went alone to DT in Oakland. It was actually fun! I got front row center because I was alone. I stayed away one night, and called my son after the show and he walked me to my car. (yikes in Oakland alone at night). I do the same though with my other son. He and I go (and bummer used to get my husband to go sometimes), or I can leave him with his brother. The hard part is when my son and I go together out of town. Reno doesn't get the shows that often I want to see! And when they do come here, I am all over it. For me, I can really let off a lot of steam at a rock concert. Helps me regroup.

You sound like a great dad btw! 

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2122 on: September 07, 2022, 03:49:18 PM »
Thank you and back atcha.

I've always said that my inner being gets a sort of reset when I go to a concert.
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2123 on: September 07, 2022, 06:57:20 PM »
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.

My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acoute care hospital where she was for a week.

Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.

I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.

That's awful Peart.  We're all praying for a resolution for you soon, this must be hard to deal with for sure.
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Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2124 on: September 07, 2022, 07:09:07 PM »
So.....a new colleague started on Monday and essentially supposed to be my sidekick.  Spent 2 days with him, and er....he seems nice enough, around my age, partner but no kids, seems like his head is screwed on enough.  Came in for an hour yesterday and I was at another venue but he goes into my boss crying his eyes out that he had to go home.  He told her he suffers badly with mental illness and dpression............ :facepalm: :facepalm: :facepalm:  I wasn't even a dick to him.  :lol

......errrr maybe not the job for you pal, and you can't be doing that when shit gets busy, sorry.

I'm not trivializing this here, just posting as it made me think of this thread, and I had a chuckle to myself.  The thing is, I've had my own issues this year and experiencing things I've never experienced before, so I don't have time for others, especially ones I don't know when I'm trying to look after myself for once in my life.
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Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2125 on: September 07, 2022, 07:21:30 PM »
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9.  It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left.  He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.

He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.

I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)

People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.

I feel for all of you suffering. I hear you though, and am giving you all a hug.

This is heartbreaking to read.  All best to you and your son geeemo.  It's things like this that make me want to give myself an uppercut when I feel like shit.  I have no reason to, I envy people like you, so strong and amazing with real daily battles.  You sound like an amazing mother and person.
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Offline geeeemo

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2126 on: September 07, 2022, 08:54:45 PM »
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9.  It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left.  He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.

He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.

I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)

People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.

I feel for all of you suffering. I hear you though, and am giving you all a hug.

This is heartbreaking to read.  All best to you and your son geeemo.  It's things like this that make me want to give myself an uppercut when I feel like shit.  I have no reason to, I envy people like you, so strong and amazing with real daily battles.  You sound like an amazing mother and person.

Don't be too hard on yourself. We all feel like shit at times and are just in different places in our lives. It took a long time for me to be nicer and more peaceful. Honestly, parenting helped me. And for me, God as well. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Offline Skeever

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2127 on: September 08, 2022, 06:45:33 AM »
So I have at least two, maybe three people UNDER MY ROOF that are battling some level of depression (thankfully they are all getting help). I don't think I'm depressed per se - my therapist doesn't think so - but I'm in that group, in that it seems more of an uphill battle each day, and there seems to be more and more incentive to both drink and play PlayStation on any given day after work.   But this is an interesting conversation; where is the line and how do we balance that?  I don't know that I get any salvation from telling people "life's treating me like a baby treats a diaper, thanks!".    Isn't the "zero fucks given" sort of what we write about in some of the other threads?

None of this is meant to be insensitive; we're among friends here so it's different.

I'm with you. Drink beer and PlayStation is something I need, once a week or so. Maybe even a few days in a row. But once that becomes an everyday thing, it's evident that I'm just using those things as a crutch to not face something else. I'm depressed, but I do want to be here for awhile to come, and that means that sometimes not giving an F and just vegging out with some booze and a videogame is gonna set me back if that becomes a habit. The fight for me is a mix between making sure I give myself time to relax and recharge, but also, finding that thing to truly care about that I want to move forward for myself. This is in addition, by the way, to primarily roles of father, husband, employee, but more that "now that you've taken a few nights to just veg out, what are you going to do for yourself?" Whether that's exercise, play an instrument, learn something new, something else...

Offline Stadler

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2128 on: September 08, 2022, 08:46:51 AM »
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9.  It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left.  He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.

He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.

I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)

People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.

That is all very heartbreaking to read. I have a 21 y/o son with not depression issues, but he is autistic with challenges that come from that. It's too bad your husband couldn't get on board with the proper care for his son. As a parent of a child with challenges, it's very disappointing to read that, and I feel bad that you're going this alone. I've always said, a child needs all the love and support they can get. It's one of the main issues I have with my parents as they have pretty much ignored my kids their whole life. A big loss for my son. Thankfully, my wife has a large family that loves him.

Anyway, I bolded the last paragraph because I don't go to many concerts either. My wife will not leave our son alone for the night (not all night, just concert hours night). I'm not going alone, that doesn't really work here, and I don't really have a concert buddy. I do pick the really important shows and we figure it out. Now, it involves my other son going with me, or him being home with his brother.

In for this as well.  My son - well, I'm the stepdad - has autism and needs extra attention.  I've never wanted to punch someone as badly as I do my stepson's father.   He actually filed this past month to relinquish his parental responsibility, blaming my wife for "poisoning" the relationship.  Trust me he did that all on his own.  I have four kids and we were joking the other night about "which one is my favorite" and of course there isn't, but all four need different things at different times, and it's our job as parents to understand that and accept it.  I feel bad for those with kids that require extra care - I'm there too; we won't go away for more than an overnight because of my son - but I get angry that those in the "village" that don't recognize their role too.

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2129 on: September 08, 2022, 05:17:59 PM »
I have always thought that I'm pretty strong mentally, I do still think that.  I'm arrogant and can be a dick, I know that.  I always thought depression, mental illness and everything in between were things people used as excuses.  I do still think that of some unfortunately, as I'm cynical as fuck, but this year so far have had me experience things I haven't ever experienced before.  I am getting a greater understanding of some of these issues that plague humanity.  Seeing posts like Tom's that sparked the resurgence of this thread in a way breaks my heart but I get it.

Since my accident in Feb, a lot has changed.  I internally struggle with still being able to wake up everyday fit and healthy.  I beat myself up everyday as I should be jumping for joy that I won the lottery in life, I really did, and have been told over and over.  I'm a quiet person who doesn't like the spotlight, so it's hard to be the focal point of things, especially like this, I hate it.  I feel some days I don't deserve the second chance I got.  People with families and kids that die and don't get the second chances should have gotten what I got.  I know that's stupid but it's what I deal with.  Having said that, I have yet to take a day off work, I refuse to.  People can see I'm in a different place mentally and while things inside my head conflict every day, I haven't run away, I'm not sure why.

Some days I legit wish I was taken away that day.  Sometimes I feel death would be easier.  While I'm lucky with the outcome, some days I feel the lucky ones are actually the ones taken away in these sorts of scenarios.  Again, I torture myself over these thoughts.  It makes me wonder the whole meaning of life debate.  From my experience and how close I've come, it's hard to see and find what the meaning to life might be.  Nothing is certain in life and everyone's outcome is the same, which is death.  The goal is to make the most of the time we have here, but it's hard.  I feel week and pathetic after some of the struggles that have been posted right above for instance, because I have none of these, nowhere even close.  But, as silly as it sounds, how close to death I've seen and came, it's nothing to fear and accepting it in the moment, I can't shake from my head, and it's scary to know I was happily prepared to die in that second.  This is a mindset currently I don't wish on anyone.  Luckily, I do carry on and function, because what I think some days would torture a lot of people and shows after 38 years, some vulnerability I've never had before, so I take that as a positive and a part of learning and growing. 

As everyday goes on, this acceptance of what should have happened sits with me more and more.  it's pretty fucked, but using it to be stronger is the key, not let it affect me long term.  Have people said I'm going into depression?  Yes, they have.  Are people worried about my mental health?  Yes, they are.  Am I worried about these things?  A little, but I'm okay.  I just remember I can go for a run and listen to Iron Maiden, so what's not to be happy about.  Does that still fill the void and end the things going through my head?  No, but it's something to help alleviate things, just a little bit.  These little things are what you hold onto to make it worthwhile.  The meaning of life is those little things we have and can do to hold onto to help us through each fucking day of what sometimes is hell on earth. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, it makes me stress less about everything in life and I'm making use of still being fully fit.  I want to run an ultra marathon, because I can.  I shouldn't be able to, but it's something I'm working towards.  But, I guess I don't give two fucks now, I have nothing to lose, but in life, no one has anything to lose, but that also brings other issues.  While it's great on a day to day basis with the stresses of life, it goes the other way and decreases motivation.  It's a fine balancing act which adds to the daily struggles of life. 

I don't know where I'm going with this as it's hard to put things into words but I just wanted to put some things down to relate to you lads in here struggling.  The struggles are real, I'm leaning that.  But, I feel at times in life we need to get to these lowest points to bring ourselves back up.  We need to know our limitations from both ends of the spectrum.  I feel getting past these points of feeling like we're in the depths of hell in life is hard but might help fight the negativity of bad thoughts to try and come out of the other side.  I'm working on my issues.  I wish I didn't have them.  Do I feel weak for having struggles after my year?  Yeah, 100%, another thing I beat myself up over daily, that's why I'm contempt that I'll never be the same, but using it as a challenge to deal with the issues and emotions.

All of us struggling have the ability to work through and keep demons at bay.  One day at a time, that mindset is helping me at the moment.  It's not a quick process to overcome things and nor should it be.  I was struggling and beat myself up more each day because I wasn't 'over it.'  Take all the pressure off yourselves.  Focus on yourselves and what you want in life.  That's funny for me to say because I've never known what I've wanted from life, I'm still figuring it out at 38, but those little things, that's what it's about for me at the moment.  Everyone look after yourselves and enjoy the little things each day.  We need to stop putting pressure on ourselves to be what others expect us to be, I'm learning that.  Sometimes being down is what we need to be happy.  We need these times to recharge and find what we may be looking for. 

Hope is a wonderful thing and take comfort that our darkest days and hours can make us stronger in the long run and bring the brightest days, eventually.  Allow and accept the hard times but take each day as it comes and never lose the hope that it will turn around.  Tell yourself you're strong enough to move past it also.  Don't let the demons win.  I'm far from perfect, but it's helped me through the last 7 months.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2022, 05:23:09 PM by wolfking »
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Offline KevShmev

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2130 on: September 08, 2022, 05:41:59 PM »
I really wish this forum had a like button, because I read so many posts in a thread like this where I'd rush to hit the like button, but often do not have anything to add, so I say nothing.  Point being, a lot of good stuff here, and it's good to see so many willing to share.

And I will assume I would have gotten many likes for this post.

INB4 Tim asks what a "like" is. :P

Online TAC

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2131 on: September 08, 2022, 06:22:42 PM »
Kade, that's an amazing post.

Kev, on the other hand... ;D
would have thought the same thing but seeing the OP was TAC i immediately thought Maiden or DT related
Winger Theater Forums........or WTF.  ;D
TAC got a higher score than me in the electronic round? Honestly, can I just drop out now? :lol

Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2132 on: September 08, 2022, 06:33:58 PM »
Kade, that's an amazing post.

Kev, on the other hand... ;D

Haha, thanks brother.
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Offline wolfking

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2133 on: September 08, 2022, 06:46:58 PM »
The other thing I want to add is that I beat myself up daily for allowing myself to use my accident as an excuse.  I get scolded from my misses about it considering what happened but it's true.  I feel, even in darkest times, let things sink in and take time to deal with them but remember there's always someone worse off.  Try your hardest to see if issues you are facing can somehow be put aside, even for a little bit.  I've let it wallow which for me is disappointing.

I think the longer things manifest, the more it can become an excuse to allow you to continue to be down.  I've never spoken to any shrink or gotten professional help, I refuse to but if my words offend anyone that actually have had depression issues diagnosed please feel free to comment.  Everyone is different I guess.
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Offline KevShmev

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Re: The Depressed/Angry Thread.
« Reply #2134 on: September 08, 2022, 07:57:09 PM »
Kade, that's an amazing post.

Kev, on the other hand... ;D

Where's the dislike button? :P