The Depressed/Angry Thread.

[Cool Chris]

Sad to say, my grandmas succumbed to her condition and passed away this afternoon. She lasted longer than expected, but I was not able to communicate with her at all during this entire time, and it upsets me.

I have only lost two relatives who I was really close to, and that was back when I was much younger. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye properly, but I felt at the time my last meeting with them was sufficient. I cannot imagine the heartache at not being able to have a proper farewell to a loved one.

[JayOctavarium]

I finally did it. I broke down and actually made an appointment with a company (That I am pretty sure is covered by my insurance, but I will verify tomorrow) for a psych evaluation and then to start seeing a therapist.

It's bullshit how hard this whole process has been. Every time I have sat down to look, I've become overwhelmed and said "fuck it". But today, after talking to my cousin (who is pretty much my rock. We lean on each other a lot), and finding that she did find another therapist and talking about her most recent diagnosis, I decided to dive in again.

Of course, my insurance company's website is shit, and even though I am searching for local providers, 90% of what they show as in network are out of county, but count as local because they offer telehealth visits. I REALLY want to see someone who I can eventually speak to in person, but whatever.

Video appointment with a Psychiatrist is set for Monday, and then I will hopefully find a therapist through the company that I like.

FINGERS CROSSED

[Cool Chris]

I REALLY want to see someone who I can eventually speak to in person, but whatever.

No whatever about it. Telehealth or whatever they are calling it is not a good option for most people, but during the height of Covid was better than nothing for many. In my humble opinion all therapists should be seeing clients in person, even if it means requiring proof of vaccination, or sitting on opposite sides of the room behind a Donald Sanger type wall*. If seeing someone in person is important to you, then that is would you should pursue. But I also get that therapists are very busy now and maybe you have to take what you can get, as I have hit a dead end with the few places I have reached out to being booked solid.

Adami, if I am out of line, I would like to hear your thoughts from the other side...

[JayOctavarium]

My cousin is a therapist, and she sees it as a good thing as well as a bad thing. The good being the fact that she's able to help people she wouldn't normally be able to. The bad being the fact that there are a lot of people like me.

For my situation, I'll try to book a therapist near me that I'll eventually be able to see, after my meeting with the psychiatrist, but if I can't, I am willing to give full video sessions a chance. 

[Stadler]

I started seeing my therapist when she was living in CT and her office was literally - I could walk - across the street from my apartment.   We really had a connection, so when she moved to California, she gave me the option of continuing our sessions remotely, or she would refer me to a colleague.   I think that relationship is important, so I opted for remote, for telehealth.  This was back in... 2014 I think, so well before COVID (we had a sort of morbid laugh about the controversy about telehealth).   I still see her, an hour a week by video.  Perfect world, sure, we would meet in person and interact, but this has been the most productive therapeutic relationship I've ever been in, so there's no desire to change.

Jay, your post angers me; you should be able to find a therapist as easy as finding a foot doctor.  I've experienced that sort of difficulty in finding a therapist for my stepson and for my daughter (who, through perseverance have both found therapists that have helped them to deal with certain issues). 

As for the notion of losing someone close, I'm NOT a big "closure" guy - I find that concept to be horribly abused by some people, and what they call "closure" is simply an inability to separate from toxic/harmful circumstances - but I will say this:  when I was younger, my aunt (who lived in walking distance to Sandy Hook School, by the way) was dating a guy named Joe who was as an uncle to me.  I loved that guy.  He and my aunt would come to our house and listen to music, and they would take me and my brother to the movies and stuff.   He got cancer, and finally, as a sort of "estate planning" move, married my aunt.  I was told by my parents that he was really excited to be called "Uncle Joe" when they were married.  He got really sick and I only saw him once more, and wasn't sure if they had actually been married at the time, so I called him "Joe" and later found out that they HAD been married at that time.  It bothered me for a LONG time that I never did call him "Uncle Joe" like he wanted.  Sounds so silly in the cold light of day, but it's a big deal to me.  I have come to peace with it, but it's still something I am aware of and think about on occasion.

[jingle.boy]

Jay... best of luck on finding getting what you need.  I hope it all works out.

Bill... perhaps the tele-sessions are still fruitful because you *started* with the in-person sessions, and developed the relationship from there.  I'm sure it's all very much different starting at tele-health.  Unrelated to mental health, I know the business relationships I have with people I've only met on-screen are different than those that I've known and met in-person.

[Stadler]

Jay... best of luck on finding getting what you need.  I hope it all works out.

Bill... perhaps the tele-sessions are still fruitful because you *started* with the in-person sessions, and developed the relationship from there.  I'm sure it's all very much different starting at tele-health.  Unrelated to mental health, I know the business relationships I have with people I've only met on-screen are different than those that I've known and met in-person.

That's a GREAT point.

[EPICVIEW]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

[JayOctavarium]

I did the thing.

Had a video appointment with a Psychiatrist today. Cool guy. He wants to prescribe me another med to go with my SSRI, but is going to wait until my appointment next week, as he wants to touch bases with my primary doc regarding my Blood Pressure and the possibility of the new meds interacting with my BP meds.

After my next appointment, he's going to help me find a therapist in his office network thing if I haven't found one.

[Dublagent66]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

[Stadler]

I did the thing.

Had a video appointment with a Psychiatrist today. Cool guy. He wants to prescribe me another med to go with my SSRI, but is going to wait until my appointment next week, as he wants to touch bases with my primary doc regarding my Blood Pressure and the possibility of the new meds interacting with my BP meds.

After my next appointment, he's going to help me find a therapist in his office network thing if I haven't found one.

Good for you.  I hope this continues to help you feel better.

[Dublagent66]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend.  I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  Change for the better is rare, but still happens.

[Stadler]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend.  I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  Change for the better is rare, but still happens.

I don't agree with that.  If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die.  That's what I believe. 

[cramx3]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend.  I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  Change for the better is rare, but still happens.

I don't agree with that.  If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die.  That's what I believe.

I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary. 

[Stadler]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend.  I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  Change for the better is rare, but still happens.

I don't agree with that.  If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die.  That's what I believe.

I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary.

Even bad change is sometimes what we need, not what we want.  I didn't WANT to be divorced, but I don't know where I'd be if I didn't.   Nowhere good, that's for damn sure.

[Dublagent66]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend.  I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  Change for the better is rare, but still happens.

I don't agree with that.  If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die.  That's what I believe.

I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary. 

Depends on the change.  I never said change wasn't necessary.  I'm talking about change brought on by a decision that someone made affecting my life.  That is usually never a good thing.  However, change in my life that is decided by me has a better chance of succeeding and usually does.

[Stadler]

wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.

the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad..  it will get better.

Love to all

EV,, out

Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts.  Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing.  I am just fed the fuck up. 

Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend.  I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today.  We'll see how long it lasts.  Change for the better is rare, but still happens.

I don't agree with that.  If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die.  That's what I believe.

I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary. 

Depends on the change.  I never said change wasn't necessary.  I'm talking about change brought on by a decision that someone made affecting my life.  That is usually never a good thing.  However, change in my life that is decided by me has a better chance of succeeding and usually does.

I know what I want to say, but no idea how to say it. This is best said man-to-man with a comforting hand on your shoulder. 

But... that's a distinction I've tried to remove from my life.  EVERYONE'S decisions around me impact me in some way, and I have to take life as it comes.  Judging it as "good" or "bad" is, for me, counterproductive.  It's not easy, of course, but for me I try to accept the change for what it is - an objective reality I have to deal with - and find the positive to accentuate, and the negative to minimize.

[Kotowboy]

Well it's been about 4 weeks since I started Sertraline Anti Depressants. Weirdly everyone told me they take 3 weeks to work - but the 2 weeks after I started were really great for whatever reason.

Ironically after the allotted '3 weeks' I was feeling really bad again.

I've not had any really horrible dark days though. They've mostly been medium.

I actually asked my doc if I could have them 'just to get me through the busy season at work' - and he was like 'well you'll be on them for a minimum of 9 months'

I was like oh.

[ReaperKK]

I'm glad to hear that you aren't having any dark days and are sticking to it . Thank you for the update

[jingle.boy]

I'm glad to hear that you aren't having any dark days and are sticking to it . Thank you for the update

Yeah, this is good news David. Keep at it.

[Kotowboy]

Maybe I need to slightly up the dosage as I seem to be mostly medium but still neither really happy or hopeless.

[Cool Chris]

Speaking from my personal experience:

1) Don't be so quick to tweak dosage. You are working on a long-term adjustment, not a quick fix.

2) When I was on SSRIs, I found myself regulated between extreme highs and extreme lows. I noticed I might not be as happy in certain instances as I would have been prior, but those times were few and far between the times I was really low, so the payoff was worth it.

[Adami]

Maybe I need to slightly up the dosage as I seem to be mostly medium but still neither really happy or hopeless.

SSRIs usually take 6 or so weeks to kick it fully. Give it a few months chance to see the full impact.

[Dublagent66]

Reducing my dosage of other people usually works pretty well.

[Kotowboy]

Reducing my dosage of other people usually works pretty well.

Yes.

[Cool Chris]

Reducing my dosage of other people usually works pretty well.

That's awesome, I am going to use this!

[Dublagent66]

Can you dig it?  I knew that you could!   

[JayOctavarium]

Another step done.

Made my first therapist appointment. It's not for like 3 weeks... But it's scheduled!

[Kotowboy]

.

[JayOctavarium]

Welp... Had my first appointment with a therapist. I like her so far. I  have 3 more appointments booked for the month. We'll see how things go.

[jingle.boy]

Why the "welp" then?

[JayOctavarium]

Why the "welp" then?

I didn't even realize I said that

I'm just so used to being negative I guess

[Cool Chris]

And speaking from experience, that's the problem. We get so used to feeling a certain way, that it becomes normal, and we can't imagine looking at things any differently.

[Adami]

And speaking from experience, that's the problem. We get so used to feeling a certain way, that it becomes normal, and we can't imagine looking at things any differently.

[Kotowboy]

Nah i'd love to be happy. honestly. but literally nothing works. nothing.