(I'm just using this thread as a kind of mental bucket where I can puke, because there isn't anyone I could tell this stuff to. Many of you have had deeper problems than I have ATM and I've never even posted in this thread to give you guys some support/comfort, so it's only fair if you ignore this post - my whining, bitching and moaning would make you all feel bored and annoyed anyway.)
I guess I should be happy with my life, but last night I started thinking about everything and I realized that I have a lot of things to feel unhappy about:
I'm preparing for the uni entrance exam, which will be at the end of May, but I have a feeling I won't get enough points and I'll have to spend one more year under the same roof with my family. It's ok - I love my family and living independently is going to be pretty expensive anyway, but I would like to move on in my life, start a new chapter and get my studies done more quickly. I also don't have any other actually interesting schools in mind, so I'll probably have to do some studying in the open uni and hopefully that will help me get in next year.
I started driving school a couple of weeks ago - there haven't been any actual driving lessons yet, but I just don't feel motivated about it at all. My parents pressured me into going there, although I was against the idea of getting a driving license because I know the damage cars do on the environment and I've been scared of driving anyway because of the risk of a car crash. I guess it's better to have two options instead of one, but I'm just not really into it.
Music is the greatest thing in my life - I feel passionate about it and love playing and listening to it, but for some reason I'm really lazy when it comes to creating my own stuff. It's fun to write music and lyrics, but recently I've had a really bad writer's block and I haven't even finished recording or mixing any of the songs I have actually written or been writing. I gave up the idea of becoming a full-time musician a while ago already, but this lack of progress makes me afraid I will never get anything done at all.
My life goes in cycles and every day is basically the same as the previous one and it bores me. My best friends don't live in the same town with me (anymore), so there's no-one I could hang out with, and I'll just sit in front of the computer or lie in my bed listening to music. I could get new friends if I got to move out of this town, but at the same time I fear my shyness will remain just as strong, if not stronger, as it has been and I will be totally alone. I've always been an introverted person and have had no problem being alone, but my lack of friends has started to bother me and I'd like to do something about it, although it's impossible at this stage in my life.
Another problem is my appearance - my acne has made a comeback recently and as a result my face looks even more disgusting than before. I use two different kinds of face care products, but nothing seems to help. As I recently mentioned in the DT-side chat thread, my tummy has grown due to the lack of exercise and I'm trying to get slimmer, but I'm not a sporty guy, so it isn't too easy, although I try to go out and cycle every day and I occasionally go to the gym. I've never found myself good-looking at all and I've accepted my ugliness, but now I feel more frustrated about it than before.
My diet is also very limited due to me lacking open-mindedness towards different kinds of food when I was younger. I fear this lack of diverse food combined with the lack of exercising will result in an early grave for me.
To put it short, my life isn't totally shit and I'm probably just being overdramatic about everything, but I feel things could be better if all the problems I've mentioned were solved. However, it isn't easy at all and I have to blame myself for screwing up my own life.
Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread. (Read 255083 times)
