Author Topic: The Depressed/Angry Thread.  (Read 138164 times)

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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #105 on: January 31, 2010, 06:03:07 PM »
I like listening to Cat Stevens, dredg or Porcupine Tree. There's something about them that seems to hit a nice nerve when I'm in a low spot. I also like the levity of cartoons when I'm depressed. Looney Tunes are almost always a winner in the regard.

Wow all three of those bands have been in heavy rotation during this down period in my life.

Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #106 on: January 31, 2010, 06:25:34 PM »
I'm in conniptions for the final act you came here for.
The one derivative you manage is the one I abhor.
I need a minute to elaborate for everyone the
Everyday bullshit things that you have done

Your impossible ego fuck is like a
Megalomaniacal tab on my tongue
You fucking touch me I will rip you apart
I'll reach in and take a bite out of that
Shit you call a heart...

I don't mind being ogled, ridiculed
Made to feel minuscule
If you consider the source, its kinda pitiful
The only thing you really know about me is...
...that's all you'll ever know

I know why you blame me (yourself)
I know why you plague me (yourself)

I'm turning it around like a knife in the shell
I wanna understand why, but Im hurting myself
I haven't seen a lot of reasons to stop it
I cant just drop it
I'm just a bastard, but at least I admit it
At least I admit it

I know why you blame me
I know why you blame yourself
I know why you plague me
I know why you plague yourself

Kill you - fuck you - I will never be you
Kill you - fuck you - I will never be you
I cant fucking take it anymore
A snap of the synapse
And now its fucking war
Kill you - fuck you - I will never be you

This is generally the song I listen to when I'm really depressed/mad.
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Offline Hyperplex

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #107 on: January 31, 2010, 06:32:28 PM »
Reaper: great minds think alike.
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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #108 on: January 31, 2010, 08:08:08 PM »
Reaper: great minds think alike.

Yeah, I read your post and was like wait a minute, I was going to make a similar post about the music I've been listening too. Either way things seem to be getting better day by day. I need to learn from my mistakes, it's a shame though that for the time being my actions cost of the closeness with my family and a possible fiance.

Offline splent

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #109 on: January 31, 2010, 08:15:46 PM »
I'm depressed right now, not because I'm wallowing in self pity, but I'm just going through a very tough time right now.  The mods know what it's all about, and I would appreciate if they do not elaborate on what it is.  It is something I would rather keep private.

It's just very tough because it's such a private matter for both my wife and I, and we have to put on a happy face for our students at school
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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #110 on: January 31, 2010, 08:19:58 PM »
I'm depressed right now, not because I'm wallowing in self pity, but I'm just going through a very tough time right now.  The mods know what it's all about, and I would appreciate if they do not elaborate on what it is.  It is something I would rather keep private.

It's just very tough because it's such a private matter for both my wife and I, and we have to put on a happy face for our students at school

Private or not I wish the best for you, sometimes it's very hard and frustrating putting on a good face for other people but I'm sure your patience will pay off and there is a bright light at the end of your tunnel.

Offline Ultimetalhead

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #111 on: January 31, 2010, 08:21:15 PM »
I was depressed for a while. Went through a rough divorce, and had to deal with my parents hating each other. Definitely wasn't easy. They put me on medication to try to help, but it made me feel like I was really fucked up, which in turn made me more depressed, so the medication didn't help, really. After I got over the divorce, I had to push really hard to get taken off the pills. My psychiatrist didn't listen to me, and my Mom always took his side. I knew I was better, and they just weren't buying it. They didn't even want to try to help me get off of it. It took a good 3 months of increasing rebellion, and basically begging my mother to take me to someone else, just so we could try. I walked out of a psychiatrist appointment in the middle of a busy city, and almost got a ride to my girlfriend's house from a Starbucks employee. They gave me a free hot chocolate though, because I dumped out my life's story to them.  :hat

That was a pretty damn sucky time, but I'm off meds now and I've never been happier.  :D
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Offline AwakeFromOctavarium

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #112 on: February 01, 2010, 05:58:58 AM »
I won't go to details of my story... Just wanna ask.

Do you think there are relationships that aren't meant to be? I mean not like one doesn't like another, but more of atmospheric conditions.
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Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #113 on: February 01, 2010, 08:05:26 AM »
I won't go to details of my story... Just wanna ask.

Do you think there are relationships that aren't meant to be? I mean not like one doesn't like another, but more of atmospheric conditions.
Yeah, there are times where if it were any other time, it should have worked out, but right then, in either of our lives, it was the worst time it could be.

On a side note, I was going to hang out with a friend today, she told me she was sick, found out she planned on ditching me for other friends, and then those friends cancelled on her. Not sure how I feel.
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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #114 on: February 01, 2010, 08:09:25 AM »
I won't go to details of my story... Just wanna ask.

Do you think there are relationships that aren't meant to be? I mean not like one doesn't like another, but more of atmospheric conditions.

Could be. My last relationship was a victim of circumstance more than anything else and we are trying to work through it right now. We are not back together, just in limbo and it sucks.

Really depends on the situation.

Offline SilentFox

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #115 on: February 01, 2010, 10:31:02 AM »
It is my belief that a truly strong and worthy relationship can exist no matter what, in spite of circumstance.

Offline TioJorge

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #116 on: February 01, 2010, 12:11:41 PM »
I've been pretty down lately due to the passing of a friend...a very unexpected; no, completely unexpected in every way. A huge shock... Weird thing is, I'd only met him once; and though we talked pretty commonly over email (Youtube messaging actually), it isn't as if we were the best of friends. However, I saw his life every week through his videos, which were vlogs about his life in Japan, something which I'm in the process of organizing this very moment. But...yeah, it really sucks.. I looked forward to his videos every week; such a happy, caring, life-loving guy. Then one day I log on to see if he's updated anything and *BAM*...hundreds of comments talking about his death and "R.I.P. Swan"...it was like taking a sledgehammer to the face and the not knowing if you just dreamed it. Fucked.

Anyway...that was a few days ago. Overall I've been pretty optimistic lately, especially since I've been living in California for he past few weeks and got a certain license that lets me smoke a certain plant (Dandelion License?). So that's all good fun. I love California. Other than that...

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Offline ReaperKK

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #117 on: February 01, 2010, 12:40:32 PM »
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that :(

People can leave such a void in your life sometimes.

Offline Fluffy Lothario

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #118 on: February 01, 2010, 01:13:05 PM »
My Plague
This is one of the Slipknot songs I really like.

I have to honestly say I don't know if I suffer from depression, but the more time goes on, the more certain I am that I suffer from something. I can't say I ever think about killing myself or anything like that, and I'm not an unemployed person who feels no joy towards life or anything like that. I just have an extremely low opinion of myself, and I often feel like I don't fit into the world at all. And I'm becoming increasingly moody over time, so every now and again (I would say once every three weeks or a month at the moment), these thoughts hit me full on and I get into serious funks that last three days to a week where I just feel like crap constantly and actually have to make an effort to not break down crying at any moment.

I've noticed that it's normally brought on by things people say, things happening (which I may or may not be imagining, but in the end, that actually makes little difference), which 'confirm' the things I mentioned above which I think about myself. They can be really small things, but if they put me off-kilter, it very easily snowballs.

I've been thinking of going and seeing someone about this for some time, and I've kind of admitted to myself that there must be something up with me, but if I do see a therapist, then I guess that means I have to start admitting it to the outside world as well, which is something that kind of scares me.

Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #119 on: February 01, 2010, 01:17:22 PM »
My Plague
This is one of the Slipknot songs I really like.
It is up there for me, Iowa is my favorite album for sure.
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Offline sonatafanica

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #120 on: February 01, 2010, 01:26:46 PM »
I feel even depressed-er today. To the point where I don't even want to listen to music. I actually even feel a little bit agitated if I hear music.


A part of it could be that I love writing music very much, and I really want to get a band together, but I don't know how to start recruiting band members. Another thing is that I have a lot of studying to do, but I'm too depressed to start, which in turn is making it worse. Right now, it doesn't seem like I'll ever get anything done. I got a text from my girlfriend which was nice, but like some of you I have trust issues and I never feel comfortable talking to her, or anyone.

Offline Adami

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #121 on: February 01, 2010, 01:27:39 PM »
So I was in my car driving last night, feeling just horrible, and I put on Undertow by PoS and sang it to the point of almost crying.


A rather amazing experience.
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Offline MetalMike06

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #122 on: February 01, 2010, 01:31:19 PM »
I have never been clinically diagnosed with depression or anything. I just feel like ass. I've been alone (relationship wise) for over four years now, and even at that, that was my only relationship and it was in high school. I'm really not that awful looking, but I definitely have social anxiety, I've just never sought any kind of medicine for it. I don't have a car so I am at home pretty much all day, other than going to class, and I never have any money because I don't have a job and no place seems to want to hire me. I just want to get out of here, but even when I transfer out next year I won't be going far (just into the city). So I just dunno. I just feel like I'll be stuck in the same boring rut for a long time.

Offline Phantasmatron

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #123 on: February 01, 2010, 01:32:18 PM »
So I was in my car driving last night, feeling just horrible, and I put on Undertow by PoS and sang it to the point of almost crying.


A rather amazing experience.

I have had this experience before, several times.  The song becomes very cathartic.

Offline Rina

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #124 on: February 01, 2010, 02:08:27 PM »
I'm joining this thread.  :sadpanda:

Offline Adami

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #125 on: February 01, 2010, 02:24:26 PM »
I'm joining this thread.  :sadpanda:

What's wrong?
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Offline Rina

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #126 on: February 01, 2010, 02:25:57 PM »
I'm joining this thread.  :sadpanda:

What's wrong?

I mentioned a few things in the chat thread, but there's a few other things that are too personal for DTF. (But it's not a big deal, I'll get over it soon)  Other people have bigger issues.

Offline Dark Master Of Sin

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #127 on: February 01, 2010, 02:36:41 PM »
I'm joining this thread.  :sadpanda:

What's wrong?

I mentioned a few things in the chat thread, but there's a few other things that are too personal for DTF. (But it's not a big deal, I'll get over it soon)  Other people have bigger issues.
Not problem is too small.
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Offline splent

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #128 on: February 01, 2010, 08:36:44 PM »
Just to say that the phone call I got today alleviated so much but I'm now just emotionally exhausted. 
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Offline Neon

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #129 on: February 01, 2010, 10:05:03 PM »
Hey, would anyone mind if I joined the pity party?

January 2010 was a pretty shitty month- I'm so glad it's over.

My dad and my stepmom almost got divorced. Thankfully they're trying to work through it.  But I couldn't even talk to my dad for about three weeks.  In fact, I didn't talk to him from the day he told me what was happening (just after New Year's) until he came to stay with me this past weekend. 

My boyfriend's dad almost died.  After 2 weeks, he's still in the hospital, but at least he's out of the ICU.  He sat up on his own and fed himself today.  That's a huge deal...unfortunately it's still going to be a very long road to recovery. 

And for a minor annoyance:  I fucked up my left pinky finger.  I still don't know how I managed it:  I went to go pick my comforter up off the floor and I felt my finger go "pop."  And now it's bent from the top knuckle...and it won't go straight again.  It doesn't hurt, but sometimes becomes sore if I type too much too often.  I don't think it's broken, because there's no real pain and there's no bruising or anything, but wtf... My mom thinks I should go to the doctor, but I think it's a little ridiculous to go see a doctor for something as stupid as a bent pinky finger.  It's ridiculous though...I went to throw the "horns" the other day and realized it just looked ridiculous what with my gimp-tastic finger and all.  Dammit. 







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Offline sonatafanica

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #130 on: February 01, 2010, 10:09:32 PM »
I'd say get it looked at.  I hurt one of my right index finger when I was a child and now it bends down a bit at the middle knuckle and won't go straight. I'm really self conscious about people noticing it, so I don't even point with that finger or "throw up the horns." I kind of just do the *raise fist* thing.

Offline Lynxo

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #131 on: February 02, 2010, 08:09:21 AM »
I've never had a diagnose or anything, but like many people in this thread has written, I highly suspect that I have some form of psychological disease. My mood can swing like crazy sometimes, and I've had periods where I really, really hate myself, hate who I am and everything that is me. And I know how patethic that sounds, but that's the reality. And, as have already been pointed out as well, it defies all logic.

Right now, I'm in a really, really serious relationsship. We're talking a girl that I want to marry someday, and she feels the same way about me. We're gonna move togheter as soon as she's ready. (Get a full time job, among other things.) Howerver, what I am really, really, REALLY scared about is her leaving me. I can't really put the feelings or any logic behind the feelings into coherent words, my head is a mess right now.
But my mood swings have scared away more than one person. Just about one year ago, I had a REALLY, really close female friend, the best friend I ever had. She broke of all contact between us because of the way I am. And I'm fucking scared that it's gonna happen again. This girl is EVEN MORE important to me.

I don't know, just had to vent that out, I guess...
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Offline KevShmev

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #132 on: February 02, 2010, 01:41:25 PM »
Remember, folks, when feeling depressed or even a bit down, DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL.  It always seems like everyone drowns their sorrows in booze, and that only makes things worse. 

And some hesitate to do this, but talking to a professional is never a bad thing.  I am not talking a full-blown shrink; even just going to a counselor or something can help.  If you are in school, colleges often have one on campus you can talk to.  And even if it is not covered by insurance, it can be worth plunking down a bit of cash to talk to someone who isn't so close to you.  It is always great to have family and close friends to talk to, but they often say what you want to hear and make you feel better for a very short time, as opposed to a professional who can give you pertinent and helpful tips and advice which will be long-lasting.  I have done it twice in the past when going through a down period, and it helped me a lot both times.

Offline ReaPsTA

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #133 on: February 02, 2010, 01:51:49 PM »
Remember, folks, when feeling depressed or even a bit down, DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL.  It always seems like everyone drowns their sorrows in booze, and that only makes things worse.

All too true.

 - Alcohol makes you extremely high functioning in your current mood disorders. Basically a manic state. Coming out of this manic state is depressing because (a) you want it back and (b) you don't feel like you can get it without the drink.

 - Not to mention that manic states aren't really what you want either. There's a lot of good to be said about being even headed emotionally, and alcohol doesn't help that.

 - But that aside, you don't want the mental association to develop between booze and happiness. Since most of you probably aren't alcoholics, this is more dangerous to you than the physical addiction.

 - Finally, there's an aspect of drinking that I don't think people give enough attention. Thinks that annoy you aren't annoying when you're drunk. You feel good enough that you're willing to put up with it.

I'm by no stretch of the imagination promoting teetotalling. It's just weird. But being depressed is a good reason to stay far away from the bottle.
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Offline blackngold29

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #134 on: February 03, 2010, 02:40:40 PM »
So I tell that girl I was talking about earlier in the thread on Monday "I wanna tell you something, come talk if you can." I left out the "I want to ask you out Friday night" part.

"Alright I'll try." So Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing.

This morning I see her again, in class. She sits in front of me. So her friend beside her introduces her to this guy beside her. Not sure who he is. They smile at one another. Great, I think. He walks up to her after class, "So what are you doing now?" It was like a freaking dream.  "Sorry, gotta go to class," she says. OK, maybe she didn't like him. She walks down the hall to her friend (as I try to keep up with her) "So, I just met someone," she says and smiles. I want to slit my wrists at this point.

Finally I catch up to her, "Are you gonna be busy at 3? Stop by and see me." "I'm doing something with my friend here, but I'll try." Alright, finally. Go to class, distracted by thinking about what I'm gonna say to her. Completely frak over a quiz in Physics.

Sitting, waiting for her, nothing. I text her: "Stop by, I wanna talk to you." She's got class in the one room at 3:30, I had to go to that building anyway, so I hang around. Nothing. She sends me a text: "My boyfriend came home from college, I'm not on campus. Sorry. E-mail me."

Well, HOLY FUCK! Lost has nothing on my life. Talk about disbelief. Now she's gotten a boyfriend in the two weeks that she's avoided me enough that I didn't have a chance to ask her out. Asked her about lunch tomorrow, I still want to talk to her, but I guess the Friday night movie just got cancelled. :'( I know I should just say, screw it, and move on, but just wow.
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Offline icysk8r

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #135 on: February 03, 2010, 03:30:41 PM »
Hello.  I think I will be here quite often.  I'm here o talk to if anyone wants to vent on me in PM.  :)
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Offline Adami

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #136 on: February 03, 2010, 05:24:10 PM »
So I found out my 26 year old ex fiance is now starting to date a 40 year old Phd who develops drugs to help lung transplants, drives a porsche and is the head of his department at wash u. Here I am 25 and unemployed.

damn.
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Offline Hyperplex

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #137 on: February 03, 2010, 05:33:33 PM »
It took me a long time to realize this but: don't attempt to compare yourself and where you are in life with someone who has a 15-year headstart on you. There is no feasible way you could expect to have that kind of rank at 25. Not saying you shouldn't feel as you do, just saying that perspective is essential in pulling yourself out of such a rut.
"My melancholy wants to rest in the hiding places and abysses of perfection. This is why I need music." –Friedrich Nietzsche

Offline Adami

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #138 on: February 03, 2010, 05:35:15 PM »
It took me a long time to realize this but: don't attempt to compare yourself and where you are in life with someone who has a 15-year headstart on you. There is no feasible way you could expect to have that kind of rank at 25. Not saying you shouldn't feel as you do, just saying that perspective is essential in pulling yourself out of such a rut.

I don't. It's just being replaced by that.
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Offline Hyperplex

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Re: The Depressed Thread.
« Reply #139 on: February 03, 2010, 05:38:36 PM »
That I understand, and I understand it well.
"My melancholy wants to rest in the hiding places and abysses of perfection. This is why I need music." –Friedrich Nietzsche