Don't Edge God Out

[AndyDT]

Somebody came up with an acronym for ego - edging God out and I think it's pretty apt as most of the troubles I've had seem to stem from ego. I've avoided most "men's night outs" at church for this reason and I've avoided approaching women there unless I feel I can offer something for this exact reason. If I wanted any further proof that I was on the wrong path then the night I decided to go to a party telling myself although difficult I would be gaining social skills, I had a major altercation on the way home.

And I've noticed now that lots of people are getting engaged and married or pregnant and the whole thing is turning into an ego-hell with emails, announcements, Facebook, chatter, prayer requests, public displays of affection.

I'm trying to find something anti-intuitive to cut this out at source (not Source) and the best advice I can currently find is the references to humility in the gospels that too many christians seem to overlook and the fine words of Lao Tzu 500 years before.

I'm also going to look at works from the Islamic world when it was enlighted, e.g. Rumi, to consolidate this.

[rumborak]

I'm not sure how much God has to do with your social woes, Andy.
Also, stop blaming others for not liking your own life.

rumborak

[guenhwyvarmky]

Your talk of ego and humility put me in mind of something I heard years ago that has stuck with me.  Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.  You sound very stuck in your head.  If you want to get better at socializing, you just have to go do it.  You will be bad at it at first, that's fine.  Stop worrying so much about how you're coming across (such as avoiding women for not feeling like you have anything to offer, or avoiding men for whatever reason) and take a genuine interest in others.  That's what people want most of the time anyway.

[sonatafanica]

I edge god out every day and it feels fucking amazing

[hefdaddy42]

I kind of get what he's saying, in a way.

For me, the true fulfillment of life as a believer comes from lessening myself.  By not focusing on myself, but rather on others and on God, I become more of what I am supposed to be.  By not worrying about my own fulfillment, I find my fulfillment.

[Perpetual Change]

I kind of get what he's saying, in a way.

For me, the true fulfillment of life as a believer comes from lessening myself.  By not focusing on myself, but rather on others and on God, I become more of what I am supposed to be.  By not worrying about my own fulfillment, I find my fulfillment.

By Hef's logic, Andy, maybe you'd enjoy those social outings more if you didn't feel like you were edging god out but "lessening yourself." Just try and focus on getting to know the people you're with, forget about everything else.

[AndyDT]

Your talk of ego and humility put me in mind of something I heard years ago that has stuck with me.  Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. 

That sounds right. Also i think it's gratitude.

You sound very stuck in your head.  If you want to get better at socializing, you just have to go do it.  You will be bad at it at first, that's fine.  Stop worrying so much about how you're coming across (such as avoiding women for not feeling like you have anything to offer, or avoiding men for whatever reason) and take a genuine interest in others.  That's what people want most of the time anyway.

If I can be giving, genuine or compassionate etc then I don't worry so much about how I'm coming across but why do I want to take an interest (other than being humane) in somebody who has plenty of visible interest from other people? Is it serving us both or just my ego need i.e. ticking an ego-box in my head?

So what I'm saying here is a reminder hopefullly to keep myself unstuck and unblocked. Yes we all have a right to happiness and are unique, worthwhile, beings. But what sounds right to me is to drop ego - people pleasing - because it's not needed, what I believe works best is spirit.

[AndyDT]

I kind of get what he's saying, in a way.

For me, the true fulfillment of life as a believer comes from lessening myself.  By not focusing on myself, but rather on others and on God, I become more of what I am supposed to be.  By not worrying about my own fulfillment, I find my fulfillment.

By Hef's logic, Andy, maybe you'd enjoy those social outings more if you didn't feel like you were edging god out but "lessening yourself." Just try and focus on getting to know the people you're with, forget about everything else.

That's a good point. Too often I don't focus on my own experience. I think you're saying be compassionate etc with who you're with because you never know who else will come or not.

Sometimes though, you don't see anybody you know or eveyrbody is busy talking. Then you have to shut ego the hell up. Otherwise you're in a needy, grasping state which doesn't lead anywhere only tells you where you don't want to be. Check out ch.20 of the Tao for more thoughts on this.

I kind of get what he's saying, in a way.

For me, the true fulfillment of life as a believer comes from lessening myself.  By not focusing on myself, but rather on others and on God, I become more of what I am supposed to be.  By not worrying about my own fulfillment, I find my fulfillment.

Yes that's good.

[guenhwyvarmky]

If I can be giving, genuine or compassionate etc then I don't worry so much about how I'm coming across but why do I want to take an interest (other than being humane) in somebody who has plenty of visible interest from other people? Is it serving us both or just my ego need i.e. ticking an ego-box in my head?

It seems to me you are way over-thinking this.  Human interaction is not a numbers game - interact with someone because you want to, not because others are or aren't.  As far as the need it serves, we are social creatures.

For me, the true fulfillment of life as a believer comes from lessening myself.  By not focusing on myself, but rather on others and on God, I become more of what I am supposed to be.  By not worrying about my own fulfillment, I find my fulfillment.

 

Actually Hef, I've also found this to be an extremely fulfilling stance as a non-believer (without the god part, obviously).  In striving to be helpful towards others, my own sense of personal fulfillment greatly increases.

[rumborak]

It seems to me you are way over-thinking this.

You are totally off-base with that one. Andy never over-thinks anything.

rumborak

[hefdaddy42]

For me, the true fulfillment of life as a believer comes from lessening myself.  By not focusing on myself, but rather on others and on God, I become more of what I am supposed to be.  By not worrying about my own fulfillment, I find my fulfillment.

 

Actually Hef, I've also found this to be an extremely fulfilling stance as a non-believer (without the god part, obviously).  In striving to be helpful towards others, my own sense of personal fulfillment greatly increases.

It seems to me you are way over-thinking this.

You are totally off-base with that one. Andy never over-thinks anything.

rumborak

[Super Dude]

Somebody came up with an acronym for ego - edging God out and I think it's pretty apt as most of the troubles I've had seem to stem from ego. I've avoided most "men's night outs" at church for this reason and I've avoided approaching women there unless I feel I can offer something for this exact reason. If I wanted any further proof that I was on the wrong path then the night I decided to go to a party telling myself although difficult I would be gaining social skills, I had a major altercation on the way home.

And I've noticed now that lots of people are getting engaged and married or pregnant and the whole thing is turning into an ego-hell with emails, announcements, Facebook, chatter, prayer requests, public displays of affection.

I'm trying to find something anti-intuitive to cut this out at source (not Source) and the best advice I can currently find is the references to humility in the gospels that too many christians seem to overlook and the fine words of Lao Tzu 500 years before.

I'm also going to look at works from the Islamic world when it was enlighted, e.g. Rumi, to consolidate this.

Like I said in my PM, I don't really understand what you're saying here.

[AndyDT]

I'm saying am I doing something to tick some self-image box or because there is spirit behind it i.e. love for myself or others.

[Super Dude]

I wish I could help, but I'm still not completely clear on what you're saying here.  If it helps, because I think what you mean is you don't feel so socially confident, I'd suggest just going ahead and joining these social outings no matter what sort of ego troubles you suspect you have.  Honestly, if it's like anything else in life, it just takes practice, and that means exposing yourself to those situations as much as possible.  I hope that helps!