DreamTheaterForums.org Dream Theater Fan Site
General => General Discussion => Topic started by: Neon on September 13, 2009, 08:42:12 AM
-
Put a muzzle on your little shit yappy-ass dog (or even better, bring it inside), or I WILL punt it into the river. I am in no mood for this today.
Sincerely,
Neon
-
Baxter!!
-
Dear neighbor,
Please refrain from doing either of the following activities at one in the morning (I cannot tell for certain what it is you are doing):
A) Practicing with your band, or
B) Torturing high-profile Gitmo detainees in a device so unethical, it's only known by the nickname "The Rape-ifier".
Sincerely,
Lee
-
Dear Life Cereal,
Where do you get off?! Part of a balanced breakfast AND delicious?! Who do you think you are?! By now you may have guessed that I am speaking ironically and have nothing but good things to say about what you do. Life Cereal, do not change a thing.
Signed,
Peter Griffen
Dictated but not read
-
Dear Taco Bell,
I know your food is terrible and horrible for me.
WHY AM I SO ADDICTED TO YOU?!?!?
Sincerely,
Artery Clogged Stupid American
-
Dear Comcast & Internet Porn,
I can't keep my hands off myself. Damn you and your Power Boost to give me and my hands 16 Mbps of delight. For at least 2 minutes. :laugh:
-
Dear Internet
You just don't be tired to show me many suprises such as how people become freak or how many facepalm we need for the failures.
Sincerely,
The One Always Fails.
-
Dear people with kids at restaurants,
Tell your young, whiny, snot nose mix of sperm and egg to stop screaming and shut the fuck up!!!! >:( >:(
-
Dear Artichoke,
I'm in love with your sister.
Sincerely,
The Grinder.
-
Dear Silent Customers,
I realize you may not want to stop and chat, but it would be nice if you'd at least manage to say "thank you" before you pull away from our drive-thru window.
Sincerely,
Tired of Being Ignored
-
Thats like the dudes that don't say "Hi" when at a toll booth, that actually annoys me.
-
Dear Workers Anywhere,
If you don't say "thanks, have a nice day." like you get paid to do, I am going to blow your brains out.
sincerely,
Collin Stover
-
Dear Artichoke,
I'm in love with your sister.
Sincerely,
The Grinder.
:lol Thread winner so far.
-
Dear Workers Anywhere,
If you don't say "thanks, have a nice day." like you get paid to do, I am going to blow your brains out.
sincerely,
Collin Stover
But then I have to go out and try to have a nice day! All the pressure is on me!
Get it?
-
Dear Women Everywhere,
You suck. That's why I love you.
Love,
Pimpdaddy Jamesman
-
Dear neighbor,
Stop looking like John Myung. Every morning I see you and think, "OMG! My dreams have come true! Dream Theater is visiting me at home!" Then realize it's just you. :(
Love,
A Total Dream Theater Fanboi
-
:lol
-
His name is John also. It's really weird...
-
His name is John also. It's really weird...
Wow. :lol
-
I have a teacher and when seeing the left side of his face he looks like JP, although oddly his entire face does not resemble JP too much. Anyway...
Dear neighborhood cats,
Howabout you shut the fuck up at 3.30 in the AM when I'm trying to jerk off? My windows are horrible at keeping sound out and you sound like you're fighting underneath my bed.
Sincerly,
Me
-
His name is John also. It's really weird...
Wow. :lol
I showed him a picture of him and he was like "Wow...he does look like me" and I as like "Unless you play bass as good as him, you look like him."
-
Dear Neighbor,
You are my RA and I hate you. There was no need for you to call the police on me the other day, and the possession of alcohol by a minor charge I got was not necessary. Go suck some more penis.
Sincerely,
Chino
-
Dear Neighbor,
You are my RA and I hate you. There was no need for you to call the police on me the other day, and the possession of alcohol by a minor charge I got was not necessary. Go suck some more penis.
Sincerely,
Chino
Shit in his mailbox.
-
Burn down his house!
-
Dear Women Everywhere,
You suck. That's why I love you.
Love,
Pimpdaddy Jamesman
Thank you. *bows*
Dear Corn on the Cob,
Find some way to be eaten without making it look like my gums are sprouting facial hair.
Sarah (wtih a DAMN BUILT-IN RETAINER!!! >:()
-
:rollin gf
-
Dear _,
WHY ARE YOU DOWN OMG I'M GOING TO GO INSANE
Love,
PLM
-
???
-
???
I can't mention it here...
-
K.
-
Dear T.O.,
Please be aware that all the Video Camera's & Popcorn will not help you tomorrow.
Signed,
Bill Belichick
-
Dear Bill Bellichick,
Karma's a bitch. 18-1 fucker.
Signed,
Almost every NFL fan.
-
Dear Bill Bellichick,
Karma's a bitch. 18-1 fucker.
Signed,
Almost every NFL fan.
Dear Karma lovers,
Horseshoes & handgranades
Signed,
3 time superbowl seanson ticket holder! :P
-
Dear Bill Bellichick,
Karma's a bitch. 18-1 fucker.
Signed,
Almost every NFL fan.
Dear Karma lovers,
Horseshoes & handgranades
Signed,
3 time superbowl seanson ticket holder! :P
Isn't that saying, "close only counts in horseshoes in hand grenades"?
So wouldn't that phrase apply to 18-1 being close...but not good enough?
-
Close enough for horseshoes, handgrenades, atomic bombs, and (enter present situation here).
-
Dear Bill Bellichick,
Karma's a bitch. 18-1 fucker.
Signed,
Almost every NFL fan.
Dear Karma lovers,
Horseshoes & handgranades
Signed,
3 time superbowl seanson ticket holder! :P
Isn't that saying, "close only counts in horseshoes in hand grenades"?
So wouldn't that phrase apply to 18-1 being close...but not good enough?
It meant you were close in hurting me but then I remembered we had 3 SB's in this deacade. I'll take 18-1 stave over the way the Bill have gone the last 10 years and then you have to deal with games in Canada.
-
then I remembered we had 3 SB's in this deacade.*
fix'd
-
If Santa answered his letters...
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.
-Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
SweetDreams!
Santa
-
Put a muzzle on your little shit yappy-ass dog (or even better, bring it inside), or I WILL punt it into the river. I am in no mood for this today.
Sincerely,
Neon
When I was growing up my neighbors had the most annoying dog. I used to love winter because then I could throw snowballs at it.
-
If Santa answered his letters...
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.
-Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
SweetDreams!
Santa
Alright, where did you copy and paste this from?
-
Dear Women Everywhere,
You suck. That's why I love you.
Love,
Pimpdaddy Jamesman
Thank you. *bows*
Dear Corn on the Cob,
Find some way to be eaten without making it look like my gums are sprouting facial hair.
Sarah (wtih a DAMN BUILT-IN RETAINER!!! >:()
Oh hey there bebecakes.
Yeah, I have a built-in retainer as well, FTL.
-
The Santa letters are great. That Pokemon one is so true!
-
Icy I swear half your posts are copied and pasted from somewhere.
-
Santa one was rather stupid.
-
Dear Santa,
Please kill Icy for Christmas.
Love,
Everyone
-
Dear Santa,
Please kill Icy for Christmas.
Love,
Everyone
-
Dear Santa,
Please kill Icy for Christmas.
Love,
Everyone
-
Dear
Laura Dern Nikki or Susan,
It is the man in the green coat.
Sincerely,
Jack Rabbit
-
Dear Parent,
Stop bringing your goddam kids to daycare when they are sick. Secondly, when they are sick and u decide to bring them anyway, please tell the little snot nosed pricks to not cough in my 8 month old daughter's face. Your child already got my 3 yr old sick last week which led me to have to clean vomit out of her car seat.
Do it again and you will be shot
Sincerely,
A pissed off father.
-
^^i hear that one^^....try it when you're sister in law IS the child care.
Dear Fat Nosey Gossip Lady Neighbour.
I don't care who's doing what in who's yard.
I don't care to tell you my business despite your persistent information fishing attempts.
I can barely remember your name - and have zero interest in what your teenage sons or fat lazy husband are up to.
You're still unemployed? Why am I not surprised.
I'm trying to get into my house with all of these groceries.
Why haven't you left yet?
Signed
Some guy.
-
Dear neighbour,
PLEASE stop singing. Yes there's a lot of passion in your rendition of The Blower's Daughter ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YXVMCHG-Nk ) and I do like that song, but you sing terriblly and it even manages to drown out my playing of dream theater, which when you moved in you deemed to be 'crap and unoriginal'.
Thanks,
Your neighbour
-
Dear Santa,
Please kill Icy for Christmas.
Love,
Everyone
:rollin
-
Icy I swear half your posts are copied and pasted from somewhere.
Is that a bad thing?
My own jokes aren't funny enough to be posted
:(
-
Well you don't HAVE to post jokes in every funny thread, not everyone is funny all the time! (I haven't come up with anything myself). I mean, there's nothing wrong with copying something from another site, but there's no point in just pasting loads of text with no link. Best thing to do in this case, for example, would have been to post a handful of your favourite ones, and then post a link to where you found them so we can all enjoy :)
-
Dear Prudence,
won't you come out to play.
Please,
Veronica
-
Well you don't HAVE to post jokes in every funny thread, not everyone is funny all the time! (I haven't come up with anything myself). I mean, there's nothing wrong with copying something from another site, but there's no point in just pasting loads of text with no link. Best thing to do in this case, for example, would have been to post a handful of your favourite ones, and then post a link to where you found them so we can all enjoy :)
ah, well that was all that was on that site. i actually wanted the "Dear Santa" one from funny junk if you have ever seen it, but I wanted text based, not image based.
dear upstairs neighbors upstairs at my dad's house who stomp around until 3 AM,
When my dad moves in a few weeks, I am lighting the ceiling on fire.
Truthfully,
Collin
-
Put a muzzle on your little shit yappy-ass dog (or even better, bring it inside), or I WILL punt it into the river. I am in no mood for this today.
Sincerely,
Neon
When I was growing up my neighbors had the most annoying dog. I used to love winter because then I could throw snowballs at it.
On my flight to NC a couple weeks ago I was flippng through the Skymall catalog and they had fake birdhouse thing that emitted a high frequency sound to make dogs shut up when it hears barking. I'm so going to buy one of those if I ever live next to an annoying dog. There's are few things worse than dogs who bark all the time.
-
Dear DTF,
Why the fuck did you insist on taking away 3 days, 18 hours and 46 minutes of my life that I'll never get back? I hate you and your soul sucking addictiveness...
Love,
MetalManiac666
-
dear upstairs neighbors upstairs at my dad's house who stomp around until 3 AM,
When my dad moves in a few weeks, I am lighting the ceiling on fire.
Truthfully,
Collin
:lol See it wasn't that hard to be funny was it? :D
-
dear upstairs neighbors upstairs at my dad's house who stomp around until 3 AM,
When my dad moves in a few weeks, I am lighting the ceiling on fire.
Truthfully,
Collin
:lol See it wasn't that hard to be funny was it? :D
It took all I had. ;D
-
Dear God,
Plase turn all the Emos in to the Neanderthal.
Thankfully
Humanity
-
Dear God,
Plase turn all the Emos in to the Neanderthal.
Thankfully
Humanity
Dear God,
Kill all the emos.
-
Dear God,
Kill all the people who are still bitching about the VMA's.
-
Dear people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention,
Stop. You guys are just as annoying as the people who always talk about this stuff
I'm super serious,
ehra
-
Dear people who bitch about people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention,
Stop. You're only encouraging more arguments from the people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention and messages such as this one.
I'm super duper serious,
:shadoshi:
-
Dear neighbor,
Really? Landscaping with heavy construction equipment at 8am? Really?
-
Dear lady in my English class,
It's not impressive that everytime we read a detective story you claim to have solved it halfway through. Nobody cares. Go get a job at the police station.
And your voice is fantastic at bringing on headaches.
From, Me
-
Dear Crazy French Teacher,
Even though you have assigned a shitload of immpossible homework, I will still post on here. :biggrin:
Au revoir,
An easily sidetracked student
-
Dear Jason Segel,
Why do I love you so much? It's driving me crazy
-A huge fan
-
Dear John Petrucci,
What the hell. I take you into MY home, give you MY wine, share MY family heritage, yet YOU think I am trying to kill you? Then you write a song about it, making ME look like the bad guy! Don't give me that silver lining bullshit, it might work with the fans, but I ain't buying it. And to think I thought of you as a friend.
Sincerely,
A very pissed of count
Dear Count,
Now wait a minute man...
-John
-
:rollin
And to say you aren't funny...?!
-
:rollin
And to say you aren't funny...?!
Thank you, thank you.
-
@icy: :rollin :rollin :rollin
Okay, THAT was actually funny.
-
@icy: :rollin :rollin :rollin
Okay, THAT was actually funny.
I am so proud now. ;D
-
Dear myself,
You just got a 50% on an un-timed, online, open book, open notes test. How the hell did you fuck that up? Your grade has been lowered by over 20% within about 20 minutes. You don't really deserve to buy the new Porcupine Tree album or the new Dan Brown book tomorrow. What the hell are you going to do tomorrow when you have the music test which will be exponentially more difficult?
Fuck you,
Me
-
Dear people who bitch about people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention,
Stop. You're only encouraging more arguments from the people who bitch every time some event or bit of news starts getting a lot of attention and messages such as this one.
I'm super duper serious,
:shadoshi:
Dear Shadoshi,
My brain hurts. Damn you!
Yours sincerely,
Blerghngggggg.
-
Dear myself,
You just got a 50% on an un-timed, online, open book, open notes test. How the hell did you fuck that up? Your grade has been lowered by over 20% within about 20 minutes. You don't really deserve to buy the new Porcupine Tree album or the new Dan Brown book tomorrow. What the hell are you going to do tomorrow when you have the music test which will be exponentially more difficult?
Fuck you,
Me
Re: Myself,
You just forced yourself to stay up until 2AM to do your music test tonight, and you got an A. Your other class still sucks however, but----
Alright screw that, writing in the third person to myself is too confusing.
Dear Neon,
Your thread rocks.
Me.
-
Dear Upstairs Neighbor,
Why the FUCK do you have to wear high heels all day and bang around right above my head? Are you a hooker? Porn star? If not, no excuse. Do you even know how much you're damaging your body? Would it be so hard to leave the shoes by the door, put them on when you're leaving the room early in the morning, and take them off when you get back? I thought that was a Chinese custom anyway.
And why do you have to speak at such a high volume to someone who is right next to you? At two in the morning? What the fuck?
Love,
Jackie
-
Dear neighbour,
Stop listening to music with the volume up to 11 at 2:30 am. There are people who are trying to sleep. Turn it down or else I will send an army of low frequencies with my bass through the wall straight into your room. Until you kneel in front of me begging to stop. With tears of blood in your eyes.
Sincerely,
Your sleep-deprived and a little bit angry neighbour.
Dear Chinese restaurant,
Why are you so damn good? Why is it that every time I've finished eating at yours, I don't feel any remorse at all? What am I going to do when you have to be closed down?
Sincerely,
Fat-ass-to-be
Dear acidrain,
Stop being such a Runrig-hating Iain. :neverusethis:
Sincerely,
The Runrig-loving Iain.
-
Dear Jackie,
I would of thought you understood the strange ways in which women work, considering you are one.
I guess no one fucking understands women,
Arcaeus
-
Dear acidrain,
Stop being such a Runrig-hating Iain. :neverusethis:
Sincerely,
The Runrig-loving Iain.
Never!
Runrig are for Iains.
Dear work,
Where did you come from all of a sudden? Now I can't get rid of you and I'm overwhelmed.
Sincearly,
Not Nick
-
Dear Shadoshi,
My brain hurts. Damn you!
Yours sincerely,
Blerghngggggg.
Dear Blerghngggggg,
I have a story that will help you understand.
WIFE: Tell me the truth Willithford. Am I the best woman?
WILLITHFORD: The best? I love you, but I have seen women that I like more.
WIFE (Infuriated): Who was she?
WILLITHFORD: "Women" is plural.
WIFE: Who was shes?
WILLITHFORD: As if you have not seen other men you like more than myself?
WIFE: I've never seen anything! I'm blind!
WILLITHFORD: Should I call a doctor?
WIFE: Only if I can clip your toenails.
WILLITHFORD: I love you for that reason, and that reason only.
WIFE (Excited): Oh Willithford!
WILLITHFORD (Excited): Oh wife!
I hope that helped.
Love,
:shadoshi:
-
Dear Inconsiderate assholes doing roadwork directly below my apartment,
How the fuck am I supposed to lounge around and watch Heroes or take a mid day nap with all that noise. I will be out of my apartment tonight from 7-9:30 and tomorrow 4:30-9:30, these are the appropriate times for doing work.
Thanks,
Bill
-
:lol
Dear Chinese restaurant,
Why are you so damn good? Why is it that every time I've finished eating at yours, I don't feel any remorse at all? What am I going to do when you have to be closed down?
Sincerely,
Fat-ass-to-be
Dear Chinese Restaurant,
How the hell do you fit so much food into those tiny containers? Is it magic? And how come I'm always hungry an hour after I stuff myself with your delicious food? Is that also magic? Please reply. Thanks,
Jackie
Dear Jackie,
I would of thought you understood the strange ways in which women work, considering you are one.
I guess no one fucking understands women,
Arcaeus
:|
-
Dear Nick,
Dammit.
Sincerely,
DTF
-
Dear Nick,
Dammit.
Sincerely,
DTF
:lol I can't believe no one got to that before you.
-
Dear Neighbor,
You understand why your wife won't let you smoke your fucking cigars in the house, don't you? Because they fucking smell! So what makes you think we want our house to smell like your fucking cigars?
Yeah, it's your driveway. It is also about ten feet from our house and we have the windows open in the summer. You don't notice the smoke blowing right into our house? You can't stand in the backyard or something? You have to stand right outside our windows and smoke your fucking cigars?
Orbert
P.S.: Gah-damn your wife is ugly! I mean... shit!
-
Dear Neighbor,
You understand why your wife won't let you smoke your fucking cigars in the house, don't you? Because they fucking smell! So what makes you think we want our house to smell like your fucking cigars?
Yeah, it's your driveway. It is also about ten feet from our house and we have the windows open in the summer. You don't notice the smoke blowing right into our house? You can't stand in the backyard or something? You have to stand right outside our windows and smoke your fucking cigars?
Orbert
P.S.: Gah-damn your wife is ugly! I mean... shit!
:rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Dear Student Affairs Department,
When you decide to sponsor a free coffee giveaway, it might be better to email students about it before it takes place, not 90 minutes after it starts.
Yours Truly,
Burned out student in need of caffeine
-
Dear neighbor(s)
Stop pulling the fucking fire alarm. I'm trying to sleep.
Sincerely,
That quiet guy who you think is an asshole but it's really you.
-
Dear my new manual transmission car,
FUCK YOU.
No, seriously, fuck off. I hate you. It's like driving a retard.
"WUT? You didn't press the gas hard enough when you let off the clutch? I guess I'll just turn the whole car off HERP DERP"
Sincerely, sonatafanica
-
Dear College,
I would prefer it if you gave me my financial aid before classes start and registration ends, not 25 days into the school year when it is too late to actually get an education until January.
Sincerely,
Neccy60
-
Yo Tayla,
I'ma lechu finish, but beyonce had one of the best videos of all time
-Kanye [aka, god, best rapper on Earth, etc.]
-
Dear my new manual transmission car,
FUCK YOU.
No, seriously, fuck off. I hate you. It's like driving a retard.
"WUT? You didn't press the gas hard enough when you let off the clutch? I guess I'll just turn the whole car off HERP DERP"
Sincerely, sonatafanica
Driving fail.
Dear flat mate's girlfriend,
Stop calling him 24/7, it's really annoying and you've been going out with him for ages now so why all the phone calls? WHY?!
Regards,
Someone who is getting quite impatient with constant interruptions while playing games, watching TV etc.
-
Dear irate customer,
Please don't tell me how to do my job. Be assured that I make all my calls for good reasons. I'm sorry it took you a long time to get your food because we were training a new register operator. Please try to understand that if we never trained anyone, you'd always get slow service instead of just this once.
Sincerely,
The manager who patiently put up with your childish temper tantrum
-
Dear my new manual transmission car,
FUCK YOU.
No, seriously, fuck off. I hate you. It's like driving a retard.
"WUT? You didn't press the gas hard enough when you let off the clutch? I guess I'll just turn the whole car off HERP DERP"
Sincerely, sonatafanica
Driving fail.
+1
Sorry dude, but real men can drive manual.
-
It's not that difficult either. I could do it in my first lesson without having any past experience.
-
Oh, I'm learning just fine, but it's sort of frustrating.
-
Dear Geometry binder,
What the hell. 7 paper cuts by the end of the day, and it's ALL YOU. I knew I hated math. I knew I hated YOU. What the hell. What the hell.
Sincerely,
Bleeding
-
Dear teachers,
15 new projects, papers, and tests assigned in one week. Seriously? I know it's college, but you don't get paid by the assignment.
From,
No free time for three weeks.
-
Dear DTF,
This relationship is killing me. I love spending time with you, but sometimes I need to do more than sit at my desk wearing a viking helmet whilst listening to power metal and browsing you. Are you aware that I have assignments for college that I need to get done? I just don't understand.
Sinseriously,
Easily distracted student who actually doesn't listen to that much power metal at all.
-
Dear sonatafancia,
I apologize for your loss. But for God's sake, get that thing out of the road before someone trips over it.
Love,
:shadoshi:
-
sometimes I need to do more than sit at my desk wearing a viking helmet whilst listening to power metal and browsing you.
Dear sonatafanica
You made me laugh which subsequently made me cough horrifically, and now my parents think I'm weird. You're mean.
Sincerely,
Probably Dying of Swine Flu.
-
Dear ariich,
All English people look the same.
Love,
Sonafafanifa
-
Dear Ariich,
I'm still stunned that you deleted 525 of my posts. Dammit. :facepalm:
Sincerely,
RMV
-
Dear Kanye West,
When are you going to pick on somebody that will fight back. It's easy to pick on teenage girls but how about picking a fight with Gwar or Six feet Under.
Signed,
A guy that hates your music.
-
Dear Ariich,
I'm still stunned that you deleted 525 of my posts. Dammit. :facepalm:
Sincerely,
RMV
:lol You make it sound like I went through and individually deleted 525 of your posts and nothing else.
Which I TOTALLY didn't do, because, er... I have a life... and stuff. Yeah.
:yeahright
-
sometimes I need to do more than sit at my desk wearing a viking helmet whilst listening to power metal and browsing you.
:rollin
-
Dear English teachers,
Teach SeRoX how to write properly in English
Yours trully,
DTF Yeah the hell!!!
-
Dear ariich,
You don't have a life. Look at this place you spend so much time on :laugh:
In all seriousness,
Sarah
-
Dear Ariich,
I would bet money that you deleted my 525 posts one by one just to be piss me off. I know it.
Thanks for the emotional scarring,
RMV
p.s. :neverusethis:
-
Dear English teachers,
Teach SeRoX how to write properly in English
Yours trully,
DTF Yeah the hell!!!
:rollin :lol
Be my english teacher. :P I think I'm OK with my english. If someone's not they can ignore my posts. No problem. :tup
-
Dear ariich,
You don't have a life. Look at this place you spend so much time on :laugh:
In all seriousness,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
DON'T MAKE ME LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YOU!
Sincerely,
Mr Happy.
I would bet money that you deleted my 525 posts one by one just to be piss me off. I know it.
:lol I might start doing that now, just to spite you.
-
:lol I might start doing that now, just to spite you.
It might be hard to balance that with your life...ohwait.
-
Dear ariich,
You don't have a life. Look at this place you spend so much time on :laugh:
In all seriousness,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
DON'T MAKE ME LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YOU!
Sincerely,
Mr Happy.
Dear aiirch,
I'll still love you :heart :(
Sarah
-
Dear Ariich,
Please don't do what you suggested above.
Sincerely,
The Management that has no authority
-
:lol I might start doing that now, just to spite you.
It might be hard to balance that with your life...ohwait.
:(
-
Dear Watchmakers.
Stop advertising how deep a watch can go underwater. I don't care. I don't even bring my watch into the ocean. Chances are, if I was in deep water AND wearing a watch, I would likely be drowning, and would not care what the time is.
Sincerely,
Lee Jeakins
-
Dear ariich,
You don't have a life. Look at this place you spend so much time on :laugh:
In all seriousness,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
DON'T MAKE ME LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YOU!
Sincerely,
Mr Happy.
Dear aiirch,
I'll still love you :heart :(
Sarah
Just noticed, wtf kind of spelling of my name is that?! :lol
And to think you had a go at Jamesman for getting YOUR name wrong. :P
-
Dear people in the control room
Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to work. Mixing and editing requires listening, which is difficult when you're repeating the same jokes and enquiries that every studio engineer in the world has heard from people who have never been in a studio before. I know that you don't know how to use all this equipment, that's why you aren't a sound engineer. I gathered that information when I first met you, you didn't need to tell me. Just go and talk somewhere else so I can actually do my job before the deadline comes. Also stop drinking in here, you wouldn't drink and smoke in a fucking shop or office. That is why your band/music is absolute dildos that no-one other than your closest friends and family feign giving a shit about.
Lots of love
Rob
-
Dear True Death of Life,
There are no mistakes this time. I'll pick you up at 8pm. Bring an umbrella and some peanuts.
Love,
Jamesman
-
Dear Sarah,
I think James is perfect for you!!!
Sincerely,
Your Dad
*waits for angry pm or beating in school*
-
Dear Ariich,
Please don't do what you suggested above.
Sincerely,
The Management that has no authority
Dear Assorted DTF Members,
Stop posting in super-fine print. I don't feel like quoting you to see what you wrote...
::),
MM666
-
Dear ariich,
You don't have a life. Look at this place you spend so much time on :laugh:
In all seriousness,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
DON'T MAKE ME LAY THE SMACKDOWN ON YOU!
Sincerely,
Mr Happy.
Dear aiirch,
I'll still love you :heart :(
Sarah
Just noticed, wtf kind of spelling of my name is that?! :lol
And to think you had a go at Jamesman for getting YOUR name wrong. :P
Psh. I spelled it right the first time. And just be glad I wasn't flirting with you ;)
Dear Sarah,
I think James is perfect for you!!!
Sincerely,
Your Dad
*waits for angry pm or beating in school*
Dear Cole,
YOU :censored >:( :angry: AND :tdwn MY DAUGHTER YOU :censored :censored :censored JESUS >:( :xbones CALL >:( PEARL JAM >:( >:( :censored DEVIL :angry: :censored DROPKICK >:( >:( CRUCIFIX >:( >:( :censored :angry: :censored!!!!!
Sarah's Dad
-
Dear Sarah,
I guess your name is Sarah.
Cool.
Fondly,
Andrew
-
Dear Andrew,
Yes.
Sarah
-
Dear Andrew and Sarah,
E-crush, awwwwwwwwe!!!!1 :laugh:
Cole
-
Dear Cole,
No.
Sarah
-
Dear Cole,
I am not a sugar-daddy.
-Andrew
-
Dear Cole,
Why?
DTF
-
Dear Andrew,
I don't like that you have the same name as me. :|
Sincerely,
Andrew
-
Dear Andrew,
I had it first.
Apathetically yours,
Andrew
-
Dear Andrew,
Touche.
Sincerely,
Andrew
-
Dear both Andrews,
My name is not Andrew.
Sincerely,
:shadoshi:
-
Dear :shadoshi:,
No u.
Sincerely,
Andrew
-
Psh. I spelled it right the first time. And just be glad I wasn't flirting with you ;)
Dear Sarah,
James flirts with everything. That doesn't count.
Regards,
Rich
-
Dear James,
According to ariich, now I'm a "thing". Go find another one.
Sarah
Dear Rich,
Ha.
Sarah
-
Dear :shadoshi:,
No u.
Sincerely,
Andrew
Dear Andrew,
:lol
Sincerely,
:shadoshi:
-
Psh. I spelled it right the first time. And just be glad I wasn't flirting with you ;)
Dear Sarah,
James flirts with everything. That doesn't count.
Regards,
Rich
Dear Sarah,
Rich just called you "anything". Kick him in the balls.
Saludos,
Emindead
-
Dear emindead,
Naaah. I did that to James in a previous post. (Look back further--I already acknowleged that fact :tup)
Sarah
-
Dear Sarah,
Haras raed.
Sinseriously,
sonatafanica
-
Dear sonatafanica,
WAT?
Sarah
-
Dear Sarah,
"Haras Raed" is "Dear Sarah" backwards.
Hugs,
sonatafanica
also,
Dear Best Buy,
Please stop running out of albums by my favorite bands. I'm pretty sure you just throw their CDs away, because I would be hard pressed to find another Porcupine Tree fan in my town.
hugs,
sad panda proghead
-
Dear sonatafanica,
AH.
Hugs back,
Sarah
-
Dear Sarah,
Wash your hands.
Love,
Andrew
-
Dear Best Buy,
Please stop running out of albums by my favorite bands. I'm pretty sure you just throw their CDs away, because I would be hard pressed to find another Porcupine Tree fan in my town.
hugs,
sad panda proghead
Dear sonatafanica,
Don't feel too bad. The same thing happened to me. I finally found The Incident at FYE. Just keep lookin'.
Regards,
Phant
-
Dear Phant,
I already have the Incident limited edition box set, but I was there today to pick up a copy of Nil Recurring, which they had just last week. :angry:
Oh well.
love,
sonatafanica
-
Dear sonatafanica,
www.lasercd.com
All the best wishes,
Phant
-
Dear Me,
You are awesome.
You got life by the balls.
Your's truely,
yourself
-
Psh. I spelled it right the first time. And just be glad I wasn't flirting with you ;)
Dear Sarah,
James flirts with everything. That doesn't count.
Regards,
Rich
Dear Ariich,
I'll pick you up at 9pm for the beach. Bring the flowers and the dead turtle, but this time put it in the black bag in my car's trunk. Don't tell your sister what we are doing. :police:
Yours Only,
Jamesman
-
Dear teacher,
Why are all of your questions trick-questions? I know that true-false are generally the easiest format of test question, but that doesn't mean every single one has to be false because you change one word. Especially when you quote the book word for word and then change the last word in the sentence, but hey that doesn't matter this question is true anyway! You're like 65, stop trying to make up cool questions about podcasts even though you have trouble using your computer in general.
Your pissed off student.
-
Dear restaurant patrons,
If you do not understand an item on the menu, please ask, don't just order it and then make the kitchen cook it again because you were ashamed of your ignorance or were trying to look like you knew what you were doing. We in the kitchen are usually VERY busy and you slow down the whole process when this happens.
Sincerely,
Chef
P.S. I've cooked for twenty years and have never seen food get spit on in a kitchen, so don't worry, we are professionals.
-
Psh. I spelled it right the first time. And just be glad I wasn't flirting with you ;)
Dear Sarah,
James flirts with everything. That doesn't count.
Regards,
Rich
Dear Ariich,
I'll pick you up at 9pm for the beach. Bring the flowers and the dead turtle, but this time put it in the black bag in my car's trunk. Don't tell your sister what we are doing. :police:
Yours Only,
Jamesman
Dear James,
That sounds totally hot.
Yours always,
Rich
Dear Sarah,
See?!
Yours,
Rich
-
Dear money,
Hurry up and get in my bank.
Love,
Harry
-
Dear Transatlantic,
Hurry up and release The Whirlwind so that I may bathe in its excellence.
Love,
Justin
-
Dear Cole,
Why?
DTF
the story of his posting, isn't it?
-
Dear Sarah,
Wash your hands.
Love,
Andrew
Um..
*snip*
Dear Sarah,
See?!
Yours,
Rich
Dear Rich,
:omg:
...
Sarah
-
Dear Neighbor,
you are a complete asshole whom nobody likes. It's easy to discern why you have no friends and no visitors to your house. Thank you for ignoring me and my family for the last 4 years. Hopefully when we move in a year or so, I will never have to see your dumb face again.
Sincerely,
me
P.S. FYI that when it rains, you do not need to water your lawn at the same time and also tell your idiot 21 yr old son that he doesn;t need to warm his car for 10 minutes when it's 50 degrees outside
-
Dear Neighbor (the same neighbor the original post was aimed at)
Thank you SO MUCH for moving out this weekend.
Thank you.
Love,
Neon
-
Psh. I spelled it right the first time. And just be glad I wasn't flirting with you ;)
Dear Sarah,
James flirts with everything. That doesn't count.
Regards,
Rich
Dear Ariich,
I'll pick you up at 9pm for the beach. Bring the flowers and the dead turtle, but this time put it in the black bag in my car's trunk. Don't tell your sister what we are doing. :police:
Yours Only,
Jamesman
Dear James,
That sounds totally hot.
Yours always,
Rich
Dear Sarah,
See?!
Yours,
Rich
Dear Aiiry Bear,
That was a great night. I still have the gummi bears and the bruise on my "thigh." Our little secret, you know. ;)
Call me! :laugh:
Love,
A Very Confused Jamesman
-
Dear weird friend of my housemate,
Please don't comment on stuff you don't know anything about. No, this show is not out in english, and even if it were I would still watch it in japanese because I'm like that. Go back to playing Halo, you musclebound neanderthal.
~Genowyn
-
James,
WHAT
THE
HELL
...
-Sarah
-
dear gastroparesis,
i hate you
-plm
-
Dear gas powered boiler and piping in my house,
I fucking hate you, with all of my soul.
Yours Sincearly,
A fucking pissed off flat owner
-
Dear Acid...
Wow, that bad, WTF's going on...
Sincerely,
Lonestar
-
Dear Lonestar,
https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=5141.msg188227#msg188227
Regards,
acidrainlte
-
I accidentally stumbled upon this thread while searching for something else.
I mean
Dear DTF,
I just stumbled upon this thread looking for a thread on Heroes. Many lulz were had.
Yours never and not right now,
Jamesman
-
While we're at it:
Dear beer:
I :heart you.
Yours forever,
Coz
-
Dear beer,
I'll be dry humping you in 8 hours.
All my love,
Lonestar
-
Dear Darla,
I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes!
Love,
Alfalfa.
-
*nostalgias all over Gadough's feet*
-
Dear ostriches,
Why are there so many of you? The brochure said there would only be a few ostriches. This is a terrible vacation
Love,
Clairvoyantcat2
-
Dear Darla,
I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes!
Love,
Alfalfa.
:rollin
-
Mr. Albert H Meyer, President
American Seating Company
901 Broadway
Grand Rapids, Michigan 49504
Dear Mr. Meyer,
I had a seating question and was referred to you because I understand you manufacture stadium and arena seating. My question:
When entering or exiting a seat in a stadium which is the proper side to face the person sitting down? Rear to them or crotch to them?
I am always at a quandry when this comes up. To hence: last week at a sporting event I had to leave my seat to get up. There were a row of people- ALL FROM THE SAME FAMILY- that were sitting down the row. I exited my seat, stood up, and faced away from this family.Then I moved down the row realizing that my buttocks were not two inches from this guys entire family. I had shown a whole family my rear end! But then again, had I turned around and moved down the aisle THAT WAY - would that not have been worse? Stadium seating is the only situation in life where you can show whole rows of people your butt or your crotch and it's all perfectly acceptable.
Can something be done about this seating? Should the rows be changed? I suggest a single row straight up to the top. You walk into the stadium and simply find your seat number and go up until you get to it.
Question: Is there a gracious way to exit? Thank you Sir, for your response.
:biggrin:
-
Dear Dr. Brown,
On the night that I go back on time at 1:30 am you will be shot by terrorists. Please take whatever precautions are necessary to prevent this terrible disaster.
Your friend,
Marty
-
Dear Fashionistas,
Thank you for making skin tight yoga pants the new, hot, fashion trend for women.
Sincerely, Men of DTF
-
Dear Automobile Drivers,
We are pleased to announce we now accept payment in the form of: An arm, a leg, 50% of your annual salary, your first born child, or your soul.
Sincerely, your local gas station
-
Dear Comics Section of Reddit,
Okay we all read xkcd alright, please give the indier comics some space to get seen
Hugs and kisses,
2indie4u cartoonist
-
Dear Neighbor,
thanks for blaring that rap crap, so I can blare metal even louder.
luv,
the big nasty