Very good TDoL. Really paints an image of someone who is shy and mysterious when around others, but when she gets home it all just comes out, and she is her true self. Keep up the good work.
Very good TDoL. Really paints an image of someone who is shy and mysterious when around others, but when she gets home it all just comes out, and she is her true self. Keep up the good work.
are you mad, or a satanist? I'm not bashing, I am just really interested. And not a bad poem, but just not my cup of tea.well, when it comes to religion I was raised Christian but i have recently become atheist. And at the time I was really angry/depressed.
Ah, that's what I thought.are you mad, or a satanist? I'm not bashing, I am just really interested. And not a bad poem, but just not my cup of tea.well, when it comes to religion I was raised Christian but i have recently become atheist. And at the time I was really angry/depressed.
Lets find the quiet and make it loud,
lets find the light and make it dark,
lets find the pure and make them dirty,
lets find the virgins and defile them wholly,
lets fine the saints and make the sinners,
lets find the best and make the begginers,
lets find the rich and make them beg,
lets find the commandments and make them sin and let us go forth,
just you and I, let us go forth and make them cry.
Let the devil fly on his black wings while a chorus of angels softly sing,
let the power crumble beneath thy feet
and let all those who know
beg to be cleansed and the horrors of their mind forsaken...
Amen.
Let the endless darkness of thy despair come forth and consume mankind,
and all who bear the toils and trouble
of this dark hollow being so that the people who speak it
will never be seeing if those who live it never learned it
let them soon come to earn it
and all of you come to yearn it.
Let us now walk in darkness and cool our rage,
so that mankind may live and foil his plan.
For what we know,
and you are soon to find out the only thing that can stop
God is man itself.
see, his largest creation is it's own biggest
flaw and that man may never learn it but to itself it will fall.
may the blessed tremble before it's own great eclipse,
as they watch and stare into the dark abyss of their own troubled creation
from which they will never return.
May you all heed my warning,
and sulk when it comes.
Little by little your sanity dies,
what is left will only make you cry.
Troubled and awestruck you beg to ease the pain,
but all knowing he shouts "never again" in the end
you will suffer and no matter how hard you fight
all your destiny is decided by his might.
May you all enjoy life while you can.
For, it is all that you have.
Be kind, please?
thanks, it's a lot of different emotions about a lot of different things coming out in one poem. The part I left out is the fact I wrote it in irc. Like I was talking to my friend, and i said "Hey joel..." then typed out that entire poem. He was just like "...er kyle, you should copy that...that was kinda amazing" and so i did. hahasnip
This is incredible. Defines a lot of my feelings...my dad's a minister, and Christianity is constantly being shoved down my throat. I'm bordering on atheist. (/minor derail)
wow. that really is good. I've even printed it out.you're going to make me regret not copy writing this before posting it, aren't you?
I don't think so...its just lying innoncently on my bedside table.;)
The picture of me or the poem?I don't think so...its just lying innoncently on my bedside table.;)
*snip*
Tbh, i mess around with it a lot. I've re-written it probably 100 times. I'm very picky about my writing.*snip*
Wow. I dunno what it is, but something about the way you write is mesmerizing. Amazing job.
im jesus lolit's actually funny because I am making a myspace, and this poem is in the background. The dimensions for the background are 1000 by 666.
Cock-A-Doodle Rex
Hey chicken
Tyrannosaurus Rex descendant,
You've come a long way down
From that creature resplendent.
The thunder of your footfalls
Once ruled the Earth.
Now here you have fallen
To an object of mirth.
You squawk for a handout
And scratch in the dregs.
And you cannot stop humans
From devouring your eggs.
Your ancestor would have rent
Them limb from limb
If they had lived
In the same millenium.
Preen your plumage chicken,
And dream if you can
Of your days of glory
Days of dominion.
While stripped to the bone
In museums, stands Sue
Whose terrible beauty
Has devolved into you.
To be honest, during most of that I was like, "meh, this is okay."I know. I'm amazing with words, horrible with my editing. I have my friends edit them normally. Joel (Failtality) tends to help me out a bit.
And then I hit the last few lines and a chill went down my spine. Very nice ending. :tup
Although it's kind of annoying that upwards of 90% of the lines end with a comma.
The serenity of divinity,
Is the path best left up high,
For the path that we follow,
Is not always the best for mankind,
For the forsaken,
The fallen,
And the devils minions,
The pathway of sin and flesh,
Is the one that we live,
As angels with clipped wings,
Ponder suicide,
It is time to decide,
Shall I live?
Or shall I die?
For the sky is but a dream,
As one of those,
Who cannot fly,
Thou are not aryl,
But yet,
I bid you good bye,
For night has not yet fallen,
On mans darkest hour,
So those who can fly,
Get one last try,
Death in beauty,
Surrounds us all,
But maybe only I,
Hear the call,
And while the devil yells,
God shall whisper,
"Damn them all".
I know the last poem wasn't that good, I tried too hard. This one hit me out of nowhere. Enjoy.
I know, I need to start writing how I think it. I just write it down and figure i'll edit it later. Then when I edit I get frustrated.The serenity of divinity,
Is the path best left up high,
For the path that we follow,
Is not always the best for mankind,
For the forsaken,
The fallen,
And the devils minions,
The pathway of sin and flesh,
Is the one that we live,
As angels with clipped wings,
Ponder suicide,
It is time to decide,
Shall I live?
Or shall I die?
For the sky is but a dream,
As one of those,
Who cannot fly,
Thou are not aryl,
But yet,
I bid you good bye,
For night has not yet fallen,
On mans darkest hour,
So those who can fly,
Get one last try,
Death in beauty,
Surrounds us all,
But maybe only I,
Hear the call,
And while the devil yells,
God shall whisper,
"Damn them all".
I know the last poem wasn't that good, I tried too hard. This one hit me out of nowhere. Enjoy.
That was actually pretty cool. It would add more punch if you broke em up into stanzas. :tup
I know, I need to start writing how I think it. I just write it down and figure i'll edit it later. Then when I edit I get frustrated.The serenity of divinity,
Is the path best left up high,
For the path that we follow,
Is not always the best for mankind,
For the forsaken,
The fallen,
And the devils minions,
The pathway of sin and flesh,
Is the one that we live,
As angels with clipped wings,
Ponder suicide,
It is time to decide,
Shall I live?
Or shall I die?
For the sky is but a dream,
As one of those,
Who cannot fly,
Thou are not aryl,
But yet,
I bid you good bye,
For night has not yet fallen,
On mans darkest hour,
So those who can fly,
Get one last try,
Death in beauty,
Surrounds us all,
But maybe only I,
Hear the call,
And while the devil yells,
God shall whisper,
"Damn them all".
I know the last poem wasn't that good, I tried too hard. This one hit me out of nowhere. Enjoy.
That was actually pretty cool. It would add more punch if you broke em up into stanzas. :tup
I made a "final copy" to submit to my english teacher, but that doesn't mean i'm not going to edit it again and again. hahaI know, I need to start writing how I think it. I just write it down and figure i'll edit it later. Then when I edit I get frustrated.The serenity of divinity,
Is the path best left up high,
For the path that we follow,
Is not always the best for mankind,
For the forsaken,
The fallen,
And the devils minions,
The pathway of sin and flesh,
Is the one that we live,
As angels with clipped wings,
Ponder suicide,
It is time to decide,
Shall I live?
Or shall I die?
For the sky is but a dream,
As one of those,
Who cannot fly,
Thou are not aryl,
But yet,
I bid you good bye,
For night has not yet fallen,
On mans darkest hour,
So those who can fly,
Get one last try,
Death in beauty,
Surrounds us all,
But maybe only I,
Hear the call,
And while the devil yells,
God shall whisper,
"Damn them all".
I know the last poem wasn't that good, I tried too hard. This one hit me out of nowhere. Enjoy.
That was actually pretty cool. It would add more punch if you broke em up into stanzas. :tup
I get the same way. Sometimes i'll just edit as much as I can.
A great writer's work is never done, even when it's been published.
So you should be: a writer's work is never finished, even after publication.:lol
This is old and as yet unfinished. Maybe someday I'll continue it. (I also think I may have posted it before but can't be arsed to search.)
Traveling under the gaze of Orion
treading on ground unbroken.
Following paths carved by time
seeking answers to questions unasked.
The path disappears into the rocks
and the rocks climb to the hills.
Chasms plunge into nothingness
and the darkness feasts on the light.
Invisible rain washes softly
glass skin cracks with tempered stress
Forcefield stutters in silence
and still time folds, huddled in mediocrity
Empty eyes, a vacant stare
cast like so many grains of sand
over ground untread by seasoned soles
Inflammation breeds in every corner
A statue made of sand lost a grain
and collapsed to the wind
How swiftly it vanished
so violent, yet without a sound
Bridging a melancholic gap
a reflection fixates
turns to face the eyes
and shows naught but a shadow
ogrojedi, I would greatly appreciate if you helped me on structure. Structure is my largest problem, words, not an issue, but how I put them together...it always gets me.
I wrote this with the character in mind as a 65 year old man.
He frowns slightly at the wall from his seat
Fixes his jacket and lights a cigar
Normally this might be rude
But he's the only one here
Apart from the waitress who weighs the situation
Blinks and checks the time
His glass is full, but he'll order another anyway
He leans back and to the right
Because the dancer just came back out
She's not very pretty
But that's not why he's here
The bread plate will do for an ashtray
And this girl will do for the job
He rubs his right eye and looks surprised
Then focuses on the dancer's sway and motion
And for a moment he forgets himself
And forgets why
But it was always this way
He is restless
But he has taught himself to wait
He winks at the girl and she smiles
As he lifts his glass to her
And sips with firm resolve
And his eyes are lost in the stage as he smiles himself
And his body heaves with a chuckle
Like he just remembered something funny
He leans forward and adjusts himself
Then leans right back and the smile fades
His eyes are still lost in the stage
And he's not really looking at anything at all
His eyebrows furrow slightly
And his eyes just look and stare
And he just stays that way
And it's okay
He knows
I wrote this with the character in mind as a 65 year old man.
He frowns slightly at the wall from his seat
Fixes his jacket and lights a cigar
Normally this might be rude
But he's the only one here
Apart from the waitress who weighs the situation
Blinks and checks the time
His glass is full, but he'll order another anyway
He leans back and to the right
Because the dancer just came back out
She's not very pretty
But that's not why he's here
The bread plate will do for an ashtray
And this girl will do for the job
He rubs his right eye and looks surprised
Then focuses on the dancer's sway and motion
And for a moment he forgets himself
And forgets why
But it was always this way
He is restless
But he has taught himself to wait
He winks at the girl and she smiles
As he lifts his glass to her
And sips with firm resolve
And his eyes are lost in the stage as he smiles himself
And his body heaves with a chuckle
Like he just remembered something funny
He leans forward and adjusts himself
Then leans right back and the smile fades
His eyes are still lost in the stage
And he's not really looking at anything at all
His eyebrows furrow slightly
And his eyes just look and stare
And he just stays that way
And it's okay
He knows
Hey, this is good--largely free of cliche and an interesting narrative. But I don't think it's really a poem--more like a good story with line breaks. There's just not a whole lot of subtext to it; that is, meaning beyond the words on the page. I think you could re-work it as a story and it would be a good one.
That's kind of what I was getting at :lolhahaha you mean during the head is pulsing part you really meant... :omg:
I'm sure you can imagine.
Well, not that much :lolIt's the feeling I got when I first laid eyes on you.
But you know....that fear and arousal and confusion you get as a little kid from stuff like that where it seems like there is so much blood in your body and it's moving to fast and so full in your veins that you might burst.
If it was not clear: the seven year old character is watching her from his window.I figured he was peeking through a doorway. Didn't know it was a window.
It could only happen by chance
It seems
That she would forget to close the blinds
While I don't understand the title (probably something personal that had to deal with this situation), I can relate to this poem a lot. The feeling of someone leaving you, or unrequited love, and having a feeling of low self-worth. You have to prove to yourself that you are a good enough person for someone else.
Sleepy Air Conditioners
I can feel you here
And it's bad
And it's bad, I know
You make your comments
And I smile
Because I know you
Just because I know you
My mind thinks you're here
And it's wrong
And it's wrong to know
But it's not wrong to care
Then you smile
And I wont see that
I wont see you
Ever again
But it's what you want
And it's fine
And it's fine by me
Hard work will prove my worth
Not to you
But to myself
So that I can be someone
That someone would want to be
And it's fine by me
My Ruin
Left in the dust
My iron bones rot
They turn to rust
Jolting this life
Running too fast
Wasting my life
Electrical waves
My nerves on the edge
They're smooth and depraved
I hit the last wall
How high did I go?
How hard did I fall?
I'm sitting on the stairs:hefdaddy
licking my chests hairs
I see a star falling
The lizards will start crawling
Tomorrow is a new day
Yesterday was another day
I feel happy now
Everone can say cow
the mountain's years
saw fit
to put me by
a stream
to be as the water
so pretty,
fresh, and clean
but water is
uneasy
and never dares to dream
it goes
just where it's told
and never
breaks routine
Wanted to post something in here, so I'll start getting it in my "new replies" tab. This is from a couple of years ago::smiley: :clap:
praise
call upon the carving
call upon the stone
cash another paycheck
to carry you home
bow before the beast
bow before the bone
boast in every orgy
at the foot of a throne
of mirrors:
your god is you
your god is me
isn't this price
too high a fee?
do i put on a show
do i love to be loved
do i entertain
instead of listen,
laugh instead of love?
wrapped up in things
that lead unto death;
you know you can’t
have it both ways –
the sirens call
the crimes entice
so easy
to imagine
instead of live
so easy
to please
instead of serve...
and do you think jesus
got hung for being self-absorbed?
you think god ever looked
another world in the eye,
thinking,
i’d be better off with her?
egypt, egypt
and a golden calf
melts melts
our gold into
the shape
of beast, of idol
and a song
sung to no one,
drips drips
our blood into
his cup:
drunk on a highway
that leads into death.
EDIT: questions, comments, and criticisms welcomed.
the mountain's years
saw fit
to put me by
a stream
to be as the water
so pretty,
fresh, and clean
but water is
uneasy
and never dares to dream
it goes
just where it's told
and never
breaks routine
I was reading this thinking of how it would sound read aloud, and I have a couple of suggestions (if you care):
but water is
anxious -felt like a 2 syllable word would help the flow of speaking this
and never dares to dream
it goes
just where it's told,
never breaking -again, felt like eliminating "and" helped the flow slightly
routine.
Hope you don't mind me making suggestions, since I feel like that's what this thread ought to be for. By the way, I was drawn to this particular stanza because of how rhythmic it sounds. Nice work.
*snip*
:smiley: :clap:
great flow. awesome imagery. i love when poems tell a story.
great flow.
But if you
put it in
one of these
that's cool
too
so
it
doesn't
take
up
much
spaceYour mother :azn:
but that also makes the font tiny so who am I even talking to at this point
This cannot be what I need
But I'm here... where I've needed to be
Sit, make a ring, (you'll find your) understanding, breathe
We can make this all happen, just breathe
~
I came back 20 seconds down the road 5 minutes later
I couldn't see straight, Negate staying straight faced
Not in this case
I knew I could feel her 10 feet away
So, there I stayed
I saw the Milky Way... I saw the Milky Way
My eyes will chase these trails, wait and survey this delay
Under the brightest black, I've become insane
According to my memory trace
~
I could have put this down during the squall
I don't want to remember any of it all
Thank you, kindly short-term memory loss
~
I like to be proud of myself
I've got to be
Because
That really
is all I've got
~
Sit down, get out and can you see
this comfort in celestial being
You're all aware, now flying past
this calendar forevever lasts
How do you do it, I want to be you
void the comprimise, control your view
They say, "It's bad to see, it'll hurt you too
thinking of things, not having a clue"
~
Take a deep breath, open your mind
this may not be what you need
but would you say you've been blind?
Here is your clue, the social unstructured
Life is much bigger than you have discovered
Can you feel comfort in this threshold of thought
void the compromise, control your dark
Will you be shallow, pinch the window
stay far away, don't let yourself go?
Just figure it out, what makes your character
Out of your body, you're conscious. Aware.
Damned to a stride to Decide who you are
Who told you this shouldn't be hard?
Look to the sky, you can see we're a star
"I can't read what you're thinking
but I know who you are
Trust me,
I understand who you are."
~
I stride a March (I wrote)
To put you in my arms
I live tonight
In a world outside my ere mind
~
I'd grab her arms
and then catch her breath
I want to fuck
Show her what
I really said
~
I'd suck her lips
Then bite neck
Breathe my lust into her ear
I've wanted this since you've been here
~
But, I didn't give
I didn't speak
I didn't move
I planned it out and lived it through
...
fantasy
~
What's wrong with me?
~
Who told you this shouldn't be hard?
Embarrassment is cause of the war
What comfort it comes with
When I have control over my view
How happy can I get
Loving embarrassment?
Serendipity of the First When I Should Have Waited for the SecondSo this is a song? The rhythm seems kind of weird for it. I'm still very interested in hearing a recording, especially that last call-and-response stanza which I thought worked very well on the page.
jenteSometimes the simplest poems are the best. :heart
I like to think
that you wrote songs too
sneakyblueberry, that was amazing.
how to not be seen
counting minutes in the foyer
trying hard not to be seen
by some red eyed relatives I
wasn't trying to be mean
it's just they did not know that man in there
but I did
I knew him well
he broke out of that hospital he
was sick of dying
and I called his bluff
he shot himself and hid the gun
But one thing I would say is that reading through that, I knew exactly what you were talking about the whole time, which probably isn't best for making philosophic poetry to make people think.
Ogrejedi gave be a critique that gave me a new perspective on how to strengthen my writing. What will really help is if you give your words meaning beyond the page.
yea yea yeah, dude, absolutely. I didn't mean that the sort of approach should be taken. Poetry is very versatile, there's no one right way of doing it. I was just showing you one of them.
Quad -- I really like the last 2 stanzas, especially
"five minutes until this offer expires for
good while supplies last"
because of how "good" functions as a word in both phrases. Really nice.
And I like your theme as well: dangers of consumerism and so forth.
Thanks for sharing.
Good point; I guess the last lines were more noticeable for me. Very cool poem.Quad -- I really like the last 2 stanzas, especially
"five minutes until this offer expires for
good while supplies last"
because of how "good" functions as a word in both phrases. Really nice.
And I like your theme as well: dangers of consumerism and so forth.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks! That entire stanza does the same thing, the first word(s) go with the last stanza.
Black is darkness
White is light
Neither one explains whats right
When Black and White do turn to Gray
All the color fades away
Gotta write eight pages by Wednesday, and I can barely form my thesis. :(I've never written a poem with a thesis before; that's exceedingly formal. So is your 8 page minimum.
plath
*snip*
The murky, muddy footprintsNice!
Are the only legacy of the whispering man
As he presses on through the endless hallway
And the floorboards curdle beneath his procession
Like spine to a shiver
The peril yields an image of an oaken door
The blurriness of the rendering
That his unadjusted eyes supply
Is its only obscurity
For the hallway is not cruel
His ponderous fingers tickle the handle
And he notices a funny smile snaking its way across his face
A sudden bout of suppressed optimism
Maybe some emotion even less familiar
He quickly shrugs it off
Wow, the poetry in this thread is awesome. I just wrote a poem for my girlfriend, and I would love to share it, but it's kinda personal.
Wow, the poetry in this thread is awesome. I just wrote a poem for my girlfriend, and I would love to share it, but it's kinda personal.
Wow, the poetry in this thread is awesome. I just wrote a poem for my girlfriend, and I would love to share it, but it's kinda personal.
then post one you didn't write for her
unless you're one of those guys that only writes poems for girls
I'm already dead... inside.
/wrists
Very nice work.
I enjoy much the poetry, such as yours, that straddles the line between poetry and prose.I'm already dead... inside.
/wrists
Yours is good, too, though it could use some elaboration.
This poem was written
to make me seem like a deep person
But in reality I look like a douche bag
And everyone wants me to kill myself
This poem was writtenThere's an app for that.
to make me seem like a deep person
But in reality I look like a douche bag
And everyone wants me to kill myself
Short little poem I wrote called The Diamond Shallows. And yes, I rhyme, because when I don't rhyme I feel like I have to use big words or be really deep, and it just comes off as forced.I love it :biggrin: I have the same thing as you, I have to rhyme them or else they sound over the top. I'll get to work on one tomorrow. Hopefully it will not be discarded like all the rest...
I felt like just a severed head.
A hill in the sand of a seaweed bed.
Immortal in a shallow grave.
Rooted in a coral cave.
Skin like diamond, buried so far.
Shedding shale from a fallen star.
The dry world had forsaken me.
Left me calm in poverty.
Starving for the light above.
The Earth shrieked as I began to push and shove.
The shallow creaked and moaned.
Tectonic cracks and ocean blood.
Fellow beings, they saw my struggle.
Themselves shaking in ancient mud.
Long ago, all of me forgotten.
Doomed to be lines in rock and sand.
Reaching up, feeling familiar skin.
I caught the wind within my hand.
I love it :biggrin: I have the same thing as you, I have to rhyme them or else they sound over the top. I'll get to work on one tomorrow. Hopefully it will not be discarded like all the rest...
So I feel pretty shitty today, and because the only way to express myself is the most cliche way possible, this is a short poem and stuff.Ok, I'm officially bummed out.
Nah I was never much to fit in with your group
But lay me down pull out your gun and pretend to shoot
And I'll happily play dead again
So watch me as I crawl to the wall
I'll be breaking my knuckles trying not to fall
If I even feel like getting up again
Bit more personal than my usual poems.That's excellent.
And I thought this day would never come
But it came
And I thought I would know
But I did not
And I thought there would be light
But there is not
Not suspecting the least
Like the flick of the switch
I was in an orchard
The throat of winter
Is upon me
I thought it would make me forget
And it did
I thought it would complete me
Again
And it did
And I thought
That I
Would not regret
But I do
And I must walk
One of these two grave paths
Blindly
One is the way back
and the other
Ends in flames
Bit more personal than my usual poems.That's excellent.
And I thought this day would never come
But it came
And I thought I would know
But I did not
And I thought there would be light
But there is not
Not suspecting the least
Like the flick of the switch
I was in an orchard
The throat of winter
Is upon me
I thought it would make me forget
And it did
I thought it would complete me
Again
And it did
And I thought
That I
Would not regret
But I do
And I must walk
One of these two grave paths
Blindly
One is the way back
and the other
Ends in flames
That's freakin morbid.Yep^^
Time is time, we leave behindThat's very good :D
We lose the things we never find
Do you know what I mean
Life is life, its not in the grand scheme
In the morning you wash your face
But in the mirror remains a trace
Find a way to break the spell
Life becoming just a shell
A days a day, its all the same
The way you lives a crying shame
Don't forget a man who's wise
Will have the vision to look through his own eyes
:tupTime is time, we leave behindThat's very good :D
We lose the things we never find
Do you know what I mean
Life is life, its not in the grand scheme
In the morning you wash your face
But in the mirror remains a trace
Find a way to break the spell
Life becoming just a shell
A days a day, its all the same
The way you lives a crying shame
Don't forget a man who's wise
Will have the vision to look through his own eyes
As I stand, upon a, mildew covered wretch, I feel the anger rise, and I am slowly hiding:omg:
Mechanic springs of light, become a dew-filled valley, and I fear what comes, in spite of my, eternal grace
They all stare, and behold, what I've done to her, and now I just care for, a quick and painless snapshot
But I don't think they'll be, so sentimental with their, lack of grace and care, for what I did, to that poor girl
Mock my jest, sure I can't, see the lightning strike, from whence I saw her lie, but they all crowd around meAs I stand, upon a, mildew covered wretch, I feel the anger rise, and I am slowly hiding:omg:
Mechanic springs of light, become a dew-filled valley, and I fear what comes, in spite of my, eternal grace
They all stare, and behold, what I've done to her, and now I just care for, a quick and painless snapshot
But I don't think they'll be, so sentimental with their, lack of grace and care, for what I did, to that poor girl
one new one before I head to bed
creeping down the steps
I sensed her hesitation
She couldn't wait to see what she thought she'd see
at the bottom
well I guess if life is full of surprises
consider ours to be right in stock
But once she reached the bottom step
she quickly ran right back up again
Bit more personal than my usual poems.That's excellent.
And I thought this day would never come
But it came
And I thought I would know
But I did not
And I thought there would be light
But there is not
Not suspecting the least
Like the flick of the switch
I was in an orchard
The throat of winter
Is upon me
I thought it would make me forget
And it did
I thought it would complete me
Again
And it did
And I thought
That I
Would not regret
But I do
And I must walk
One of these two grave paths
Blindly
One is the way back
and the other
Ends in flames
Mock my jest, sure I can't, see the lightning strike, from whence I saw her lie, but they all crowd around meAs I stand, upon a, mildew covered wretch, I feel the anger rise, and I am slowly hiding:omg:
Mechanic springs of light, become a dew-filled valley, and I fear what comes, in spite of my, eternal grace
They all stare, and behold, what I've done to her, and now I just care for, a quick and painless snapshot
But I don't think they'll be, so sentimental with their, lack of grace and care, for what I did, to that poor girl
To bear an anguished strife, they hurl their blood-stained curses, towards my aching chest, and I am all, that I became
So just shut, down the fear, a frightened boy caught, in the wake of disease, and he has no words to scream
My mortal tale so true, it's overcoming your mind, and the time keeps on, always in chime, of Tick Tick TOCK
Wrote this one in honor of my towns trash pickup Inspired by how fast my shit disappeared from the edge of curb.
Metal sitting by the curb, gone before you blink
Old dvd player, printer too, taken faster than you can think
One mans trash, another's treasure. Take it, leave it, theirs no pressure
You will find this sunny day, many gems all thrown away
Take a breath, the sheer bliss, of old stuff from a basement, that smells like piss
Old record albums covered in mold, is someones idea, of sheer gold
Its a garbage mans dream, all covered in dust, the smell for some is just pure lust. Take it away, its all for you, my neighbors got some neat stuff too
Now she lays, upon an, altar filled with flesh, it smells of pure incense, so happiness fills meThose are really good :)Mock my jest, sure I can't, see the lightning strike, from whence I saw her lie, but they all crowd around meAs I stand, upon a, mildew covered wretch, I feel the anger rise, and I am slowly hiding:omg:
Mechanic springs of light, become a dew-filled valley, and I fear what comes, in spite of my, eternal grace
They all stare, and behold, what I've done to her, and now I just care for, a quick and painless snapshot
But I don't think they'll be, so sentimental with their, lack of grace and care, for what I did, to that poor girl
To bear an anguished strife, they hurl their blood-stained curses, towards my aching chest, and I am all, that I became
So just shut, down the fear, a frightened boy caught, in the wake of disease, and he has no words to scream
My mortal tale so true, it's overcoming your mind, and the time keeps on, always in chime, of Tick Tick TOCK
Lullaby for the Damned
Now I lay me down to hate
Don't pray for me, it's way too late
If you dare my soul to take
Fuck you God, I'll wake and bake
Thats angrily good Deb.
Lullaby for the DamnedHow about...
Now I lay me down to hate
Don't pray for me, it's way too late
If you dare my soul to take
Fuck you God, I'll wake and bake
Good stuff, ohgar
Good stuff, ohgar
thanks DebraKadabra but your poetry is equally as good :)
Good stuff, ohgar
thanks DebraKadabra but your poetry is equally as good :)
Shucks... :blush :)
Liking the new one, Ben. :tup
I'd have to say that the restructuring of that helped - it's not as ambiguous an end as you'd originally posted. :tup
That's really good, dude. :clap:
Is that a continuation of the one you started? Regardless, GREAT work. :hefdaddy
Love how you incorporate those proper nouns.
I like it, could do without the last.two lines. It makes it more descriptive.
So many good things coming from this thread. Don't stop.
Titty sprinkles in my pants.
overconfidence in plans.
Outside simply kicking cans.
And I'm out of ideas.
Can't wait to read what you got next.
I respectfully disagree with you on the last stanza - I often write things that hearken back to earlier lines/stanzas in the poem, but I change them up slightly to fit the flow. IMO, it makes the point you're trying to make hit a little harder.
Not sure if this is poetry but this was on my heart.
Domestic Abuse
Dad had too much to drink again and anything can set him off. Mom makes a comment that angers dad and the nightmare begins. The young boy barely 8 years old watches in horror as his father throws his mom to the floor.
He kicks her in the head then reaches down to grab her hair. She starts to scream as he drags her across the room. Moments later come a knock at the door.
The police stand there staring the father down. “Your neighbor called and said its sounds like there is a problem going on over here. Is everything ok?”
The father calmly responds.” Sure officer, we just had a bit of an argument that got a little loud. Were sorry you had to come out.”
The police exit. The nightmare continues. Maybe it’s over for the day. Maybe something will again happen later.
The cuts are deep. The scars are permanent. Hopefully the boy is strong enough to rise above it all. There is no way to know just what the repercussions will be long term. He lays his head down on his pillow. He closes his eyes. He is at peace for now. Tomorrow is another day.
I decided its enough is enough. no more drinking for me.
Wow... some REALLY good stuff, dudes. :tupI decided its enough is enough. no more drinking for me.
I hope that goes as best for you as possible. :)
Walking down the city street I hear the sounds below my feet
The music fills my mind, feel the sun shining down
All around there are reasons to feel a change of seasons
No need for me to wear a mask of frown
Happy is a right I have to be
Life is worth the risk it takes to feel this way
A leap of faith most every single day
Transforms you to a special place
Happier than you thought possible
That is how it should be
Stepping out on the pier, the majestic prism glare
The beauty of the moment blows my mind
If only one considers, the pain that’s all around
The silver lining seems easier to find
When you allow a love to live inside you
The weight of all that holds you in contempt
Is lifted from you now, and magically somehow
The darkness that once held you disappears
Very nice of you to say. Thank you.
Walking down the city street I hear the sounds below my feet
The music fills my mind, feel the sun shining down
All around there are reasons to feel a change of seasons
No need for me to wear a mask of frown
Happy is a right I have to be
Life is worth the risk it takes to feel this way
A leap of faith most every single day
Transforms you to a special place
Happier than you thought possible
That is how it should be
Stepping out on the pier, the majestic prism glare
The beauty of the moment blows my mind
If only one considers, the pain that’s all around
The silver lining seems easier to find
When you allow a love to live inside you
The weight of all that holds you in contempt
Is lifted from you now, and magically somehow
The darkness that once held you disappears
This is some seriously awesome poetry. You really have a gift Tick, and this is probably my favourite of your poems so far. Keep it up! :tup
Right on, Tick - great stuff.:tup
I'm still working on my "magnum opus".
The smoke filled room,
Ideas carrying through the mist,
You can always feel the gloom,
As if depression tops the list.
Where the roar of the coffee maker never ceases,
Insomnia works its magic,
Himself he never pleases,
The brain remains static.
You must surpass all,
You must prevail,
With your mask you must hide the fall,
If not you'll quickly fail.
The ideas you love so much,
Pushed by corporate interest,
You feel like you're losing the touch,
Your imagination feels infant.
You sigh as you sip your coffee,
The cigarette feels warm in your hand,
It's finally the time to act,
To break away and live free of restraint.
Thoughts?
Nice work Hef! :tup:biggrin: Thanks, buddy!
Danger waits in silent shade
Sinister whispers cry my name
Patience overgrows its cage
Revenge for you my dearest one
They stole from you our secret psalm
In the distance
I can hear
Our melodies
badly sung
No regrets carried
onto the cold winter lake
satin withered scarves
unveil what lies
within their eyes
No regrets buried
beneath the impure soil
satin withered scarves
That veil what lies
within her eyes
It's really good indeed.Danger waits in silent shade
Sinister whispers cry my name
Patience overgrows its cage
Revenge for you my dearest one
They stole from you our secret psalm
In the distance
I can hear
Our melodies
badly sung
No regrets carried
onto the cold winter lake
satin withered scarves
unveil what lies
within their eyes
No regrets buried
beneath the impure soil
satin withered scarves
That veil what lies
within her eyes
Nice piece of poetry, Ben. I like it.
Think its time to ressurect this....
Lens flares morph
Face the fear within
Accept the truth
Its never what we expect.
Gravitate
Levitate
Long lost pleasures
Hidden treasures
Fragments of reality
Could this be it?
The answer to it all?
Or will we be
Drifting the cosmic sea?
Life… so hard to make sense of at times, and even harder if you actually try. A combination of pleasure and pain, we hope our good outweighs the bad. From the day we are born we exist to make our best go of it. Hopefully in the end we can understand it a bit better. It’s something we are exceedingly excited about at times, and at others we just learn to endure. We wear the various masks of humankind. We are angry. We are scared. We are strong at times and we vulnerable and childlike at other times. We are all caring. We are cold and callous. We are genuine and sincere. We are fake and superficial. Our family and friends keep us sane, and thankful. Our family and friends drive us to the brink of insanity. The good we see in this world overwhelms us at times to the point of tears. The pain of a world filled with evil try’s to penetrate our souls daily but we shut out as much as we can because desensitized is the only way to cope with things our brains can’t make sense of.
In summation… We find satisfaction and contentment is always fleeting. A couple of drinks, a fancy dinner, a musical event, the big game... We live for those moments always waiting for the next one to bring us to that place where it all seems good. In the end our time is limited. Live, love, give, and forgive.
I wrote this poem for TempusVox, inspired by this thread: https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=39688.0
the blood is tainted with fire
soon to be purged, vulnerable
what is left begins to grow, dire
a requiem of all sane men, durable
flesh is torn, life grows threadbare
feels like a nerve about to tear
constant pain, energy fading
hard to move, body quaking
true depression, hopes to end
perhaps by death, better by mend
the heart requires love, we can provide
hang tight, for it will soon be revived
days fly by, months grow colder
try to find the candle holder
a point of light one can grasp
for it was never too much to ask
sliced open again, forced to slowly heal
creativity loses its mysterious appeal
darkness comes in like a flood
the abyss opens wide, howling for blood
don't let yourself fall, life is too precious
we won't let you remain so breathless
the time is now again, rise above
perhaps you didn't realize...
you live surrounded by love.
Kotowboy's Haiku(https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/forumavatars/avatar_1189_1383694965.jpeg)
Was nothing really special.
Nothing to see here.
will post sometime soonOk, I'm tired of waiting, I'm going to leave now.
What is this void surrounding me
This unbreakable mass
This silence
What is this air around me
This cutting wind
This snow
What is this fear I feel
This lack of emotion
This sleep
What is this light I see
This surrendering
This beauty