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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: Chino on May 29, 2018, 01:34:00 PM
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Just curious.
The lady and I are attending a wedding this weekend so she's been pulling out her dress options the last couple days. She's lost a decent amount of weight over the last year and has been buying all kinds of new stuff.
She came out of the home office last night with a new dress on, and she was obviously pretty excited about it. She immediately asks "What do you think?", and my .06 second delayed response time was all it took for her to feel crushed. It was a really revealing dress that had weird shoulder straps (I thought she had it one wrong), and it's one of those types were dress reveals an entire leg.
I actually hated the thing from the waist up. The bottom half was kind of sexy at the proper angle, but I thought it was way too much for public and it border line slutty. It's situations like this where I don't know what to do. I don't ever want to instruct my SO on what she should or shouldn't wear, but at the same time, I don't want to be out at a formal event knowing that the below is going to happen if someone sneezes too heavily.
(https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2016/05/bella-hadid-red-daring-dress-ftr.jpg?w=600)
I told her the dress wasn't my favorite. I could tell by her body language as she walked away that she knew I wasn't being completely honest with her. I'm usually completely open and honest when she asks my opinion about clothing, but I truthfully hated everything about this particular dress. I thought it looked terrible.
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Yeah definitely. You're only criticizing the clothes, and not her. With my wife, her clothing is like picking out drapes or rugs or anything else. There's 5% that I clearly love, 5% that I hate, and 90% that I really don't care either way.
I've flat out told my wife that something looks slutty. She's not offended.
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^Pretty much the same here. She is pretty sensible about the way she dresses, and I am not controlling, so it's a good balance. She will sometimes ask whether I think something is appropriate for a particular type of event, and isn't bothered either way by whatever the response is, so I don't hesitate to say what I think.
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I'm with TAC, I'll always tell her the truth. And those percentages also seem correct for me, there's very few stuff that I really like/dislike. Most of them I don't really care.
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Yeah, I tell the truth. You play around it always comes back to bite you in the ass. It's a sensitive subject for women.
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I think it's things like this that get easier and more understood if you've been married a long time. There are landmines aplenty in these types of conversation for younger couples.
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And learn from your own mistakes.
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I think it's things like this that get easier and more understood if you've been married a long time. There are landmines aplenty in these types of conversation for younger couples.
Since the beginning of my relationship I've taken to be honest and blunt even if its harsh and so far I've managed to survive for more than two years. She will sometimes get angry because I don't tell her what she's wanting to hear but I think she ends up appreciating it.
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I think it's things like this that get easier and more understood if you've been married a long time. There are landmines aplenty in these types of conversation for younger couples.
Since the beginning of my relationship I've taken to be honest and blunt even if its harsh and so far I've managed to survive for more than two years. She will sometimes get angry because I don't tell her what she's wanting to hear but I think she ends up appreciating it.
I usually have no problem being blunt. This particular time was just tricky because you could see on her face the happiness/pride/excitement/relief that her hard work finally allowed her to fit into such a dress, and my first and only reaction was "that looks absolutely terrible on you".
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Well, but that's your opinion and you shouldn't be afraid to share it with her. What's the problem with not liking the same things? If she likes how she looks in it then she should wear it regardless of what you think of it.
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If she asks I'll be cautiously honest, though not brutally so. If she asks (which is pretty rare) it's usually at a store or for something she bought that she's not sure about so she usually genuinely wants my opinion. There's a few things that she has that I don't care for or don't think flatter her at all that I haven't said a word about because she hasn't asked. Something would have to be pretty bad for me to give an unsolicited opinion on.
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Just curious.
The lady and I are attending a wedding this weekend so she's been pulling out her dress options the last couple days. She's lost a decent amount of weight over the last year and has been buying all kinds of new stuff.
She came out of the home office last night with a new dress on, and she was obviously pretty excited about it. She immediately asks "What do you think?", and my .06 second delayed response time was all it took for her to feel crushed.
This is seriously one of the main reasons I am glad I am single again. Its really hard to have someone get super frustrated with you or super sad when you didn't even intend to do anything.
I also don't like lying. With all my guy friends, If they look like shit, then I tell them. Its not this song and dance of "will she be upset, will she not? will I be in the dog house, will I not?" It really bothered me.
And when I was in a relationship I pretty much just spoke my mind. At least at first, then I started to anticipate stuff that she would get mad at me about and just stopped talking altogether, for fear of making her upset. And that blew too. So I really don't know what a good answer to give would be.
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Generally, I'm with TAC and King on this and I'd like to think they would agree with me here:
Maybe I'm not giving you all enough benefit of the doubt, but there's honest, and there's "honest". If she walks out in a dress that doesn't flatter her, I'm going to give her my honest opinion. I can guarantee you it will not be in the form "What, you look like a fucking whore in that dress", or "That looks like shit on you." If I don't like it I might say "OOOH, that doesn't have the same cut as [other dress that she knows we both like]". Or "Hmm; you look beautiful but that doesn't really flatter your [whatever body part might be relevant]". I don't think "being honest" means you have to be brutal.
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In any relationship I'm in, I set out from the get go to give the impression that I know absolute dick about fashion, and that my opinion would be meaningless. It's worked out wonderfully so far.
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Generally, I'm with TAC and King on this and I'd like to think they would agree with me here:
Maybe I'm not giving you all enough benefit of the doubt, but there's honest, and there's "honest". If she walks out in a dress that doesn't flatter her, I'm going to give her my honest opinion. I can guarantee you it will not be in the form "What, you look like a fucking whore in that dress", or "That looks like shit on you." If I don't like it I might say "OOOH, that doesn't have the same cut as [other dress that she knows we both like]". Or "Hmm; you look beautiful but that doesn't really flatter your [whatever body part might be relevant]". I don't think "being honest" means you have to be brutal.
Generally agree with all of this. I've been married for the better part of the last 22 years, and we're at a point where my wife doesn't really consult me about clothes. When she did, I was always pushing her away from a hyper-conservative style, which was very much her default setting, but I was always able to express my opinion in an honest, but not brutal, manner. I also can't remember a situation in which she was super excited about something that I hated. While I never knew anything about fashion, I paid enough attention to know what she did and didn't like and what she was and wasn't comfortable with wearing.
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There's always a way to say you don't like something without hurting the other person.
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There's no point to be in a relationship if you can't be honest with each other. Unless you want a relationship builded on lies. But then, is it a healthy relationship? Will it last?
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There's always a way to say you don't like something without hurting the other person.
True, but there are also people who will choose to be hurt regardless of what they are told, how they at told, and who told them.
Not indicative of the Chinoette or Mrs Cool Chris but some women when told "that dress does not look good on you" will feel it is negative criticism of them and not the dress as the statement was intended.
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You could always try the "That looks TOO good on you." :lol
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There's always a way to say you don't like something without hurting the other person.
True, but there are also people who will choose to be hurt regardless of what they are told, how they at told, and who told them.
Not indicative of the Chinoette or Mrs Cool Chris but some women when told "that dress does not look good on you" will feel it is negative criticism of them and not the dress as the statement was intended.
Those relationships with go down like the Titanic.
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With my Ex, I could say "oh man, it looks like rain" and she would find a way to take it personal. Not a lot of fun dealing with that.
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My gf rarely asks me but when she does I give her my honest opinion. I have poor clothing taste so my opinion holds little value :lol I can hardly dress myself
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(https://img.picturequotes.com/2/507/506918/do-i-look-okay-thats-exactly-how-you-look-quote-1.jpg)
My go to.
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My gf rarely asks me but when she does I give her my honest opinion. I have poor clothing taste so my opinion holds little value :lol I can hardly dress myself
My wardrobe pretty much includes:
1. Pair of blue jeans
2. A plain black t-shirt
3. One pair of tan cargo shorts
4. LOTS of socks
5. Some boxers
So I really am the last person to ask about anything :lol
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No :D
(https://img.picturequotes.com/2/507/506918/do-i-look-okay-thats-exactly-how-you-look-quote-1.jpg)
My go to.
:D
Reminds me of an oldie but a goodie
" My bum looks too big in this dress............(looks at hubby)...........pay me a compliment"
"Your eyesight is perfect"
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Yep - make fun of his Vibram's to his face.
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Be honest. That dress is awesome and the chick is hot. No complaints here. :hat
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Be honest. That dress is awesome and the chick is hot.
The dress is kinda awesome, but "the chick" (Bella Hadid) looks emaciated AF. She looks like she's been held in captivity without proper nutrition. Only 110# at 5'9"? Yuck...you can have her.
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Be honest. That dress is awesome and the chick is hot.
The dress is kinda awesome, but "the chick" (Bella Hadid) looks emaciated AF. She looks like she's been held in captivity without proper nutrition. Only 110# at 5'9"? Yuck...you can have her.
I'm with you on that one, brother.
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Be honest. That dress is awesome and the chick is hot.
The dress is kinda awesome, but "the chick" (Bella Hadid) looks emaciated AF. She looks like she's been held in captivity without proper nutrition. Only 110# at 5'9"? Yuck...you can have her.
How can something be kinda awesome? :lol 10 lbs under weight. BFD. Still hot and I never said I wanted her. JFC.
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You know the initials to my real name?! Lol
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BFD?
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Tactful but honest is the way to go. Always remember this is a two-way street so be prepared for 'tactful but honest' back at you.
"Wow, hun-bun I can sure tell how hard you've been working on your fitness goals. Your ass looks amazing. But that dress isn't showing you off as well as you might think. Let's look at some other options. Let's start with the undergarments." :-*
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I'm always honest, but as others said, I don't need to be brutally honest. I'm a bad liar as well so if I BS on her outfit, she'll likely know and I've just made things worse.
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Be honest. That dress is awesome and the chick is hot.
The dress is kinda awesome, but "the chick" (Bella Hadid) looks emaciated AF. She looks like she's been held in captivity without proper nutrition. Only 110# at 5'9"? Yuck...you can have her.
How can something be kinda awesome? :lol 10 lbs under weight. BFD. Still hot and I never said I wanted her. JFC.
10 pounds wouldn't come close, but fair enough regarding "kinda awesome."
Big fucking deal (I assume).
BFD?
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BFD?
:lol
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When a woman prepares to attend an important social function, she puts a lot of thought into her appearance. Fashion, for women, can get complicated. What dress to wear? How to accessorize? Are these heels too high? Not high enough? Even women who describe themselves as “low maintenance” can be susceptible to this anxiety.
I would guess that most of the time when were asked it's not just because she wants to know how the outfit looks. Unless it was a gift, she bought it, she's seen it. She knows what it looks like. It's more about how she looks wearing it. There is a ton of pressure put on women by society (other women mostly) to look a certain way. This creates a lot of anxiety and worry about how other women (and men) will look at her. My wife is stunning. I know that. She's told that many times, and many men and women have commented on how gorgeous she is. She is also very confident and comfortable with herself. But don't think for a second she doesn't have insecurity and anxiety at times. We all do!
So, when she asks, what I always try to get at is "What do you think, honey?" This allows her to tell me what she's feeling insecure about.
Mrs. Vox: "I don't know, I think this makes my hips look too big."
Me: " Hmmm... (honest opinion).
If I agree, I'll suggest another of her outfits. If not, I'll tell her she's stunning and we move on.
Many times, I'll tell her I think she looks great, but she knows I think she looks great. So I'll always tell her,
"Wear whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. You don't have to impress anyone. Everyone loves you for you, and if they don't who cares?!"
This is usually the perfect statement to make to allleviate her fear and insecurity.
And when she's been stressed about an outfit. Later I'll bring it up. "You are so rocking that dress tonight!"
I love my wife. I tell her everyday. She's creative, brilliantly intelligent, compassionate, strong, empowered, and hot! I most assuredly "out-kicked my coverage." But we're also a team. And I have her back no matter what.
So, I'm always honest, but never cruel. And Hell, I ask her all of the time too! In part because I'm color blind and sometimes my ties don't match ANYTHING in my wardrobe. :lol
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"... Everyone loves you for you, and if they don't who cares?!"
This is usually the perfect statement to make to allleviate her fear and insecurity.
It seems like the perfect statement to compound her fear and insecurity. :lol
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"... Everyone loves you for you, and if they don't who cares?!"
This is usually the perfect statement to make to allleviate her fear and insecurity.
It seems like the perfect statement to compound her fear and insecurity. :lol
:lol usually the "who cares" line doesn't work on women from my experience. It works great on me though.
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"... Everyone loves you for you, and if they don't who cares?!"
This is usually the perfect statement to make to allleviate her fear and insecurity.
It seems like the perfect statement to compound her fear and insecurity. :lol
That's what I was thinking. :)
I do like the tactic of later on, after the question and answer period, of complementing her out of the blue on the thing that she was most worried about.
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"... Everyone loves you for you, and if they don't who cares?!"
This is usually the perfect statement to make to allleviate her fear and insecurity.
It seems like the perfect statement to compound her fear and insecurity. :lol
:lol usually the "who cares" line doesn't work on women from my experience. It works great on me though.
It actually does work. My wife and I both work in careers where people are always judging the work we do, in larger numbers than most people experience everyday. Me as an author (I think a weatherman gets less scrutiny), and she a political consultant. So we both learned and accepted the lesson we're all taught at one time or another, that you can't please everyone. So don't waste energy in trying to do that. Instead focus positive energy on the people that accept you for you. It's easier than you think when you let the negative go.
Through her work, she was once pilloried in the press for her previous association with an unscrupulous person. She and others were victims of guilt by association. But when the press came out, the damage was done already. Even though later after the facts came out, it was still extremely painful, to have experienced the wrath of the court of public opinion. Interestingly, the people on both sides of the political spectrum who knew her defended her reputation fiercely. So, she was able to realize that those who still misjudged her were people that really had no impact on her life. But, it changed her; because her reputation was something she had worked tirelessly to build and protect. But at the end of the day, she realized, painfully, that despite your best efforts, some people will just be assholes; and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that.
So, when it comes to something so trivial about how someone is going to think about her outfit, in the end, she realized not everyone will like the same things. And she's okay with that. And we're able to lock that insecure Genie back in the bottle.
I can see how with someone who is especially insecure, that by using that "who cares" comment, it might not help them; but isn't that sentiment really true in life? We can't and won't please everyone; so feel good about yourself. We're all special and unique.
So long as nothing is showing or hanging out, wear that outfit with pride! :biggrin: :biggrin:
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I can see how with someone who is especially insecure, that by using that "who cares" comment, it might not help them; but isn't that sentiment really true in life? We can't and won't please everyone; so feel good about yourself. We're all special and unique.
I totally agree with what you are saying and you use some logic here, but I feel logic often goes out the window when discussing some things with women regarding their clothes (from my experience).
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I can see how with someone who is especially insecure, that by using that "who cares" comment, it might not help them; but isn't that sentiment really true in life? We can't and won't please everyone; so feel good about yourself. We're all special and unique.
I totally agree with what you are saying and you use some logic here, but I feel logic often goes out the window when discussing some things with women regarding their clothes (from my experience).
Yeah, Temp. Since when does talking with women and logic have anything to do with each other?
We must not all be blessed with those dreamy eyes you have. :lol
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Tip: we can tell when you're not being honest ;)
Also, I would emphasize how SHE feels about it versus you, since she is the one wearing it, but that's just me. I mean, if she looks like a total trainwreck that's one thing but if you're just not a fan of the style, eh. You can say it's not really your thing but it looks good on her so she should wear it if she loves it.