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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: wolfking on July 13, 2017, 05:30:21 AM
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There comes a time in everyone's life where we look at ourselves and reflect on who we are and what we have done up to this current point. One thing I have always been is a quiet, introverted person. Growing up I was never an outcast and always had friends and lots of people that were just that, mates and friends. My love of the guitar made me self focused and I was always at my happiest when I was on my own playing my instrument.
As time goes on and I get older, I feel I am more and more introverted and simply have no time and really could be all that bothered with socialising and going out etc. I have a steady job I've held for 10 years where I'm a leader and a boss and get on and enjoy working and getting on with everyone I work with. And I do a damn good job managing a group of people. Even a group of the boys at work I can hang out and go for a feed from time to time, they're cool and we get on but that's enough and sort of where it ends for me. I have never really had an issue in social situations besides getting bored and over it very quickly. I also have an awesome partner that we have been together for years and really between the business of work, dealing with people at work and my partner, I have been happy. She is basically my best friend anyway and don't really feel the need to be apart all that much, only for that odd occasion.
Outside of work I've lost contact with everyone I've known in the past, just life stuff I guess. And to be honest, I don't care and have no interest in getting back in touch. It's only now that for some reason I'm going through a reflection period and know that for a long time now I've put up walls and rejected invitations just cause of my lack of caring or importance towards social situations with people that don't really add any value IMO anyway. If I don't get asked I've only got myself to blame, but lately my mind is playing tricks and I find myself wondering if there is a specific reason why I'm being left out even though I know it's my behaviour in the past, and should I be more of a social person than I am, even though at 33 I've been happy. Even though also when I get asked and do something social and I go, I'm cool for an hour then I've had enough I'd rather go home and chill by myself or watch tv with my gf. usually half the time I think to myself "Why do I care, I like having guy time I guess, but really these guys are insulting my intelligence with what they talk about." I can see why we all get on, but at the same time I can see why I don't get invited to every single thing they do.
Sorry for the long post, but am I alone or does anyone relate? I've always had the lone wolf mentality I guess and it's difficult to share or find people of the same mindset and have the same interests. Perhaps just the older I get, the more I hate people haha.
Anyway, how social are we in real life or/and do we like our own company, and do we like it?
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Fuck off.
No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
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Would love to reply... keep getting 404 error.
Posting from my phone now (hopefully). Nope. Something in the text of what I want to reply with isn't liked by the Firewall. :zeltar:
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I totally get what you're saying. Social situations for me are usually uncomfortable. I don't want to be the center of attention and don't care to be around those who do. I have no problem being social with genuine people. However, being social in general is usually not my preference. In other words, I don't go out of my way to meet new people and be social with everyone. If someone happens to cross my path and we get along, then great! I used to be a lot more active and social when I was younger, but now it's different. I know a lot more now about how most people are, and I don't care to be around that type of environment.
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No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
Basically me too, minus the bar thing, but including the thing about your wife.
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I would say I'm fairly social. I don't 'go out' much as far as bars (don't drink) and partying....but the most social aspect of my life right now is our neighborhood and neighbors. All the parents hang out a lot at one another's homes...mostly outside while all the kiddos are running around. We play bags, watch Sports (few of the neighbors have Large TVs in their garages) BBQ and go to the subdivision pool. It's pretty fun considering we all get along well.
I've had the same group of (5) buddies since elementary school (I'm 41 now) and we are in constant contact. We have annual fishing and hunting trips mixed in with several times a year of all of our families get together. I've been told by many people it's a rarity that a group of friends has stayed close friends like that for so long....and I consider myself pretty blessed to basically have (5) guys I'd trust with anything still in my life. We've all been through a ton together and I can't imagine that there would be anything that could break the bonds we've formed. Heck, one of our group became addicted to Meth....it was so strange because you'd just never expect it from someone like him....but he did.....and we along with his family and wife were massively supportive in anyway we could be and he's been clean for 6 years now.
At the same time....I have no issues going to movies alone and actually do that quite often being my wife and I don't share similar tastes in movies and my boys aren't quite old enough yet for the Rated 'R' ones. By nature given my childhood circumstances of abuse I prefer to do things alone. Writing, drawing....hiking...I love anything that would allow me to just be alone. Growing up and in high school when I did find myself in large groups I appeared outwardly to 'enjoy' it as I'd do anything to make people laugh or do something 'crazy' because I was a wreck on the inside....although not understanding at the time my behavior was all directed at making sure no one could figure out how distraught I was. I was just the 'crazy' one or mr. funny guy.
anyway...that was probably TMI but at this point in my life I've learned to really appreciate spending time with people who appreciate spending time with you. Not that I haven't made new friends who I value over the years because I have, but I don't think they'll ever get into that 'core' group I have.
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I'm at my happiest when I'm sitting in my room by myself listening to music. I like going out and having a few drinks with friends but at the end of the day, I'm always happy when I get home and can just be with myself. Part of this has to do with my social anxiety, which makes being around a lot of people a little uncomfortable, but really, I'm just very introverted and don't want to interact with people who aren't my friends or immediate family.
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No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
Basically me too, minus the bar thing, but including the thing about your wife.
You like hanging out with my wife? How special for me... :) :)
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FINALLY figured out the passage that was not breaking through the firewall, and removed it.
I like to socialize with people, but I don't really like to socialize with NEW people. Like you Kade, I lost contact with a lot of my friends over the years - not sure why... I'm pretty sure I put the effort in, but it was rarely reciprocated, and eventually I just got tired of it being largely a one-way effort. So, I have a very limited set of people I socialize with. Working from home (when I was working) is also somewhat isolating. But, when I do get together with people that I know and am comfortable being around, I have a helluva fun time.
At my age, I'm just not all that interested in starting anew with people to get to that level of comfort - especially when there isn't a common interest that binds.
Given how much time I invest with my wife and kids, I too appreciate the value of just being left the hell alone to do whatever I want - music, working out, gaming, movies. I do a lot of that on my own - but do now have a movie companion in jingle.son given he's almost 17.
Kade... come to Canada? We can hang.
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Kade, I could have basically written that post word for word.
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I've always been very personable. I love talking to friends, family and strangers. Over time I've pulled back a bit. Maybe it's my age or I'm just not energized to talk or debate anymore. Maybe it's dealing with people at work 24/7 that makes me want to shut down.
I see myself talking less and less to people.
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I can be social, but it drains the living shit out of me where I end up needing to balance it out by having time completely alone. I don't like big parties, but I like little get together's with some close friends.
I really enjoy time just all by myself. Just quiet, laid back and chill. But on flip side, I love going to work because I work with a bunch of goofball weirdos and it feels more like a social party than work. So its a balance
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Fuck off.
No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
That first bolded part I can relate to mate and I think relates a lot to what I was trying to say also, and is a relief reading that. I am the type of personality that I need to be the one to reach out, that's just the way I've given myself off now over the years, I just choose not too most of the time.
And the second part, I have been fine with that for years, but for some reason now I'm doubting myself. I am so comfortable in my own skin and still happy with my situation but I know even though I could be more social, I know if situations arose, I'd probably start wishing again that I was never asked or find an excuse to get out haha.
I think it's my quiet time at work this time of year and work is my main social point (7 days a week normally) so I think I have too much time on my hands, but I know once I get into the busy period and dealing and talking and socialising with people all the time, I'll crave for these quiet, alone days. Life is funny and the mind really plays tricks on you if you let it.
I totally get what you're saying. Social situations for me are usually uncomfortable. I don't want to be the center of attention and don't care to be around those who do. I have no problem being social with genuine people. However, being social in general is usually not my preference. In other words, I don't go out of my way to meet new people and be social with everyone. If someone happens to cross my path and we get along, then great! I used to be a lot more active and social when I was younger, but now it's different. I know a lot more now about how most people are, and I don't care to be around that type of environment.
Pretty much mate, good post. I think that's the thing, large social situations are normally filled with people who are more insecure, can't really be alone with themselves or a certain someone for too long and need to be the centre of attention, which isn't everyone, and has never been me. Same, I had large groups of friends at school but yeah, things are different now. That bolded line is big, 99% of people are about themselves and IMO if someone isn't adding value to my life, there's no point forcing yourself to be around them.
No, I'm kidding; I totally relate to you and your feelings, though for me it's an odd mix. I go back and forth. I'm the guy that can go sit at a bar - or go to a concert - by myself, and find someone to talk to. I will - literally - talk to anyone when I'm in the mood. That's AWESOME for meeting girls (when you accept that not all of them want to talk to you) but it can get tiresome. Then there are times that I just want to be alone. I have a great wife who I adore and with whom I could be 24-7 and be happy, and that's what I do most often. My friends (who have largely been so for decades now) understand that, and we have a détente. I get the invites to the bigger events so I know they're there, but the day-to-day pick up stuff, I'm not usually included unless I reach out.
I think the point is (for both of us), as long as we're comfortable in our own skin, there's really no issue. The problem arises when you WANT to be the social butterfly, but are trapped by insecurity and indecision. Or, you know you need to tone it down and not always be the guy with the lampshade on their head, and don't know how to dial it back.
Basically me too, minus the bar thing, but including the thing about your wife.
Good to see I'm not really alone. I've had some time off work reflecting and I think ended up thinking too much and felt like I was the only one for some reason. Love this place.
I would say I'm fairly social. I don't 'go out' much as far as bars (don't drink) and partying....but the most social aspect of my life right now is our neighborhood and neighbors. All the parents hang out a lot at one another's homes...mostly outside while all the kiddos are running around. We play bags, watch Sports (few of the neighbors have Large TVs in their garages) BBQ and go to the subdivision pool. It's pretty fun considering we all get along well.
I've had the same group of (5) buddies since elementary school (I'm 41 now) and we are in constant contact. We have annual fishing and hunting trips mixed in with several times a year of all of our families get together. I've been told by many people it's a rarity that a group of friends has stayed close friends like that for so long....and I consider myself pretty blessed to basically have (5) guys I'd trust with anything still in my life. We've all been through a ton together and I can't imagine that there would be anything that could break the bonds we've formed. Heck, one of our group became addicted to Meth....it was so strange because you'd just never expect it from someone like him....but he did.....and we along with his family and wife were massively supportive in anyway we could be and he's been clean for 6 years now.
At the same time....I have no issues going to movies alone and actually do that quite often being my wife and I don't share similar tastes in movies and my boys aren't quite old enough yet for the Rated 'R' ones. By nature given my childhood circumstances of abuse I prefer to do things alone. Writing, drawing....hiking...I love anything that would allow me to just be alone. Growing up and in high school when I did find myself in large groups I appeared outwardly to 'enjoy' it as I'd do anything to make people laugh or do something 'crazy' because I was a wreck on the inside....although not understanding at the time my behavior was all directed at making sure no one could figure out how distraught I was. I was just the 'crazy' one or mr. funny guy.
anyway...that was probably TMI but at this point in my life I've learned to really appreciate spending time with people who appreciate spending time with you. Not that I haven't made new friends who I value over the years because I have, but I don't think they'll ever get into that 'core' group I have.
I can see having kids would warrant quite easy interaction with other adults mate. And it is definitely a hufe rarity for a group of guys to stay friends that long, well done. It's great you still have a core group of people.
Your sentance about doing outwardly enjoy things and groups of people really shows that I think a lot of people use a group of people as a way to hide. You need to be comfortable in yourself and I think doing things by yourself makes you the strongest.
I'm at my happiest when I'm sitting in my room by myself listening to music. I like going out and having a few drinks with friends but at the end of the day, I'm always happy when I get home and can just be with myself. Part of this has to do with my social anxiety, which makes being around a lot of people a little uncomfortable, but really, I'm just very introverted and don't want to interact with people who aren't my friends or immediate family.
Amen mate.
FINALLY figured out the passage that was not breaking through the firewall, and removed it.
I like to socialize with people, but I don't really like to socialize with NEW people. Like you Kade, I lost contact with a lot of my friends over the years - not sure why... I'm pretty sure I put the effort in, but it was rarely reciprocated, and eventually I just got tired of it being largely a one-way effort. So, I have a very limited set of people I socialize with. Working from home (when I was working) is also somewhat isolating. But, when I do get together with people that I know and am comfortable being around, I have a helluva fun time.
At my age, I'm just not all that interested in starting anew with people to get to that level of comfort - especially when there isn't a common interest that binds.
Given how much time I invest with my wife and kids, I too appreciate the value of just being left the hell alone to do whatever I want - music, working out, gaming, movies. I do a lot of that on my own - but do now have a movie companion in jingle.son given he's almost 17.
Kade... come to Canada? We can hang.
Cheers for persisting Chad. I think I do need to realise that losing old friends as people grow up is common. It's probably the same, there may have been times when I've tried, but most of the time I know I'm the one that hasn't reciprotated and they stopped trying. I guess again, if I feel they don't add value to me, I don't need them, cold, but just the way it is. Both those bolded parts are so true mate and totally relate. Work for me in the second part too.
Mate, if we do ever cross paths I know we'd hit it off like a frog in a sock. I think that it's a shame everyone on here is from all different places in the world, cause all of us in the hard rock thread would be a hoot and our partners would be getting shitty cause we'd never see them anymore haha. Brent was up here a while back and he shot me through an email but I checked it too late and we missed out on hanging out. A shame, but next time we are in the same state, I won't let that happen.
Kade, I could have basically written that post word for word.
Cheers Jon, that's comforting to know.
I've always been very personable. I love talking to friends, family and strangers. Over time I've pulled back a bit. Maybe it's my age or I'm just not energized to talk or debate anymore. Maybe it's dealing with people at work 24/7 that makes me want to shut down.
I see myself talking less and less to people.
Yes mate, exactly, and totally hear you re the work stuff.
I can be social, but it drains the living shit out of me where I end up needing to balance it out by having time completely alone. I don't like big parties, but I like little get together's with some close friends.
I really enjoy time just all by myself. Just quiet, laid back and chill. But on flip side, I love going to work because I work with a bunch of goofball weirdos and it feels more like a social party than work. So its a balance
I think this is the thing and maybe why I'm questioning myself. Work in my busy period is a 7 days a week, 12 hour day thing and work has been the reason why it's just me, guys from work and my partner. My job is so hectic I don't have time in life outside of it and when I do it's my partner, then of course other family etc. Most of my social networking is from work and a lot of the time is the place where we can hang, even have a BBQ on a quiet day and enjoy time. I guess there's nothing wrong with that really and I need to stop reading too much into it. The guys that are friends at work, we all are friends because of that exact thing, work. Other guys hang out with each other so much it's hard to see what they all did before actually working together.
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Cheers for the discussion and responses guys. Love this place and can always feel comfortable here with issues and saying what's on our minds. :metal
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I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
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I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
I can come off pretty arrogant also now that you mention it. Standoffish and unapproachable at times too I guess. I think people know when they can talk to me or not.
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Yes and no.
I tend to be much more chatty and sociable when I am around people I know. I cannot just roll up to a place full of strangers and talk to everyone. On the flip side, put me around people I know and I will talk, talk and talk. Ever since I was a kid, whenever I got to a family reunion on my mom's side, I am the most chatty of the 20 grandkids (me, my 2 brothers and 17 cousins). Don't get me wrong, we Irish-Catholics are all pretty chatty :lol, but I am the one cousin who always make a point to move around and talk to nearly everyone.
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I'm definitely not much of a social person.
Maybe it's the computer geek in me, but I get the feeling sometimes that everyone else is on a different wavelength. I remember detesting social situations in work, and making any excuse to get out of them. I'm getting better as I get older, but I'd never see myself as "one of the boys".
We have a smallish group of good friends that we've had since we were all teenagers, and some of them would be very socially active with others, but I wouldn't be actively seeking new people to hang out with. I think it's hard to have the same depth of relationship with new people, as you have with people you grew up with.
It's nice to have this place, seems like there are similar minds here, even though I'm not the most prolific of posters. In that way it's pretty similar to real life - I'm happy to be part of a conversation, but I'll be mostly listening and then chipping in on the odd occasion.
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I used to be a lot more social of a person when I was in college. Since then I've been getting less and less social. I"m really close to my childhood friend and brother and that is pretty much all I need when it comes to social interaction.
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I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
I feel you there. I come off as cold and mean at times when really I'm just uncomfortable. The good thing is that I don't care what people think of me so if they are put off by my personality, oh well.
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I'm very social and approachable. I even enjoy talking to strangers at social event or concerts.
However, I'm happiest when I'm alone listening to music or playing a game.
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I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
I can come off pretty arrogant also now that you mention it. Standoffish and unapproachable at times too I guess. I think people know when they can talk to me or not.
Yes. I kind of like that people know when I want to be left alone. Actually one of my co-workers came up to me the other day asking me if I still liked him. I told him not to take it personal, that I just get in these moods where I'm just not up for talking. Either that or I'm immersed in something and the rest of world could be crumbling around me and it wouldn't matter. There's only one person in the world who always gets my attention no matter what.
The general superintendent of my group gets frustrated by me. He seems to be really good with figuring people out. The problem is that I'm much better than he is at doing that so he hasn't been able to figure me out. He told me as much the other day. I told him it's by design. I don't want people figuring me out so I bring out alternate versions sometimes.
I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
I feel you there. I come off as cold and mean at times when really I'm just uncomfortable. The good thing is that I don't care what people think of me so if they are put off by my personality, oh well.
Damn New Yorkers... :lol
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Kade, I could have basically written that post word for word.
Cheers Jon, that's comforting to know.
(https://media.tenor.com/images/682e5046f42d74ee33315506717d3439/tenor.gif)
I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
I can come off pretty arrogant also now that you mention it. Standoffish and unapproachable at times too I guess. I think people know when they can talk to me or not.
in high school I was always accused of being stuck up or acting like I was too good to talk to people because I didn't do things like say hello to people in the hallways. I am the type of person that is not going to speak to someone unless I am spoken to. I HATE idle chit chat and small talk.
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Cool thread idea
The thing some of you have been saying about people confusing being shy or solitary with being arrogant happened to me so much in high school. I actually had someone who is now one of my best friends tell me that she thought it was weird that someone that cool (my best friend at the time) was hanging out with me because I seemed so arrogant.
I used to be very socially awkward and still am sometimes when meeting new groups of people (meeting new people 1 on 1 seems to go pretty well though) but have noticed over the last year that I can quite easily converse with strangers when going to concerts by myself or while commuting or stuff like that. Last weekend me and my friends went to a festival and as we didn't have enough space in the car I thought it'd be cool to sacrifice my spot to try and meet some fellow festival go-ers on the way there in the train/bus and it was awesome. Somehow it gives me kind of a confidence boost meeting up with these strangers as in high school I used to be the type of person that adapted to groups and sometimes tried hard to fit in, but now I let loose of all that and realized this: If you cannot be happy with who you are, it is hard to be yourself around others.
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If you cannot be happy with who you are, it is hard to be yourself around others.
So goddamned true.
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I'm really glad I made this thread, thanks everyone has helped out a lot.
Another situation is in the gym daily. Most of the time I train with my gf, or sometimes mates from work and am always very social with them. Tonight I was there on my own and didn't say a fucking word to anyone. People I think look at me confusingly and almost mysterioulsly that I talk to staff, workmates and whoever I'm training with, yet when it's meaningless small talk with other gym goers, I keep my head down. I act so arrogant and almost withdrawn yet totally different when speaking to who I need to. Some guys can't read body language though, like I was in between some heavy deadlifts and I was in the zone. One douche comes up behind and says "how's it going?" 'fuck me' I think to myself, and I do the old half turn and say, "yeah, good mate." then turn my head down and try and get back in the zone lol.
I'm there to train, and it annoys the shit out of me when people who only meet there, hog pieces of equiment with their towels on them for 20 minutes between each set talking absolute garbage wasting their time when I want the equipment to smash my workout. And yeah, I'm the arrogant bastard that won't talk small talk, fuck off poser, I'm just here too lift.
Sorry, off topic there haha. But these responses and discussion make me feel at ease.
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Pretty much mate, good post. I think that's the thing, large social situations are normally filled with people who are more insecure, can't really be alone with themselves or a certain someone for too long and need to be the centre of attention, which isn't everyone, and has never been me. Same, I had large groups of friends at school but yeah, things are different now. That bolded line is big, 99% of people are about themselves and IMO if someone isn't adding value to my life, there's no point forcing yourself to be around them.
I think one thing for me, which I don't think I wrote, is that I am FASCINATED by people. It amazes me to no end - to the point that I was thinking about going back to school to study psychology - is how similar the patterns are with people. Yeah, there is always the odd twist, and always something unique, but by and large, all these humans who think there is no one on the planet like them and that they are experiencing shit for the first time ever that no human has ever encountered... well, you're not exactly Buzz Armstrong, now, are you? I especially found this when I was newly divorced, and testing the dating waters. We HATE to talk about stereotypes, and in this day and age of social media seeming to validate every single person's every idiotic idea and emotion, it's a hard thing to say, but we're not all that different from each other. There ARE archetypes, for better or worse.
And I will often talk to people - complete strangers - for that reason alone. I would never say this to them, but in a lot of cases it's the same as being in a zoo or thumbing through CDs at a used record shop. You never know what you'll find.
Mate, if we do ever cross paths I know we'd hit it off like a frog in a sock. I think that it's a shame everyone on here is from all different places in the world, cause all of us in the hard rock thread would be a hoot and our partners would be getting shitty cause we'd never see them anymore haha.
Consider that expression appropriated! I've never heard that before!
I will say this, for as alienating as some political discussion can be (and I engage in a fair amount of that, for similar reasons as above) I have yet to meet someone in person from the DT community that was a dick. Some were nicer than others, but none were tools. When I met the excellent el Barto, it was all music, all cars all the time (I can't speak for him, but I had a blast and look forward to the next meet up).
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I'm mostly an introvert but can come across as a real dick and a little arrogant and standoffish.
I feel you there. I come off as cold and mean at times when really I'm just uncomfortable. The good thing is that I don't care what people think of me so if they are put off by my personality, oh well.
That's interesting to me; I was very introverted in college, and if I didn't know you I probably wasn't talking to you (unless I had been drinking, which tended to happen a lot; otherwise I probably never would have been with a woman!). As I got older, I started to realize that "I'm never going to see these people again, probably, so what the hell?" Couple that with the Gene Simmons philosophy - I'm paraphrasing a little, but "If you ask a hundred women to sleep with you, and only two say yes, you're still sleeping with two women tonight!" - and it's almost easy at this point. I don't give a second thought to what people think, and as such, all discomfort has gone away.
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That frog in a sock phrase is an Aussie thing mate, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it.
People are indeed fascinating. Sometimes I get a kick just sitting having a cup of coffee watching the people that walk past for an hour or so. Very entertaining and sometimes eye opening.
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Interesting OP!
Kade, you're the last guy I would expect to read an OP like that. But it was very cool, and thanks for sharing. I consider you one of my closer "internet pals" and I found what you said quite moving.
Didn't realize you had a long term girl. Have you guys considered getting married? Is that a thing?
What I thought about while reading and rereading your post is that as you grow up, you really start to realize what is important. Your life becomes it's own filter. Yet, it's natural to feel like maybe you've lost something along the way. And by that, I mean, at 33, you're never going to see 23 again. Realizing that can be a bit jarring.
It's great you have your partner with you. I know having my wife has really helped me a lot.
Me, I'm not social in a sense like I get all personal with people at work. There was a time when I was younger where I might have, but you learn that isn't really a great idea. But I am easy to talk to if you want to talk about music, sports, that kind of thing. I've worked at my company for a long time and have a good reputation.
I'm also generally put off by the type of person that says, "I am who I am and if you don't like it too bad." Or "I'm just being honest." Being cool to people is not pandering. It's fine to guard against assholes in your life, but we are really all in this together, no?
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Airports! Airports are GOLD for people watching. For better or worse, I've had to do a lot of flying in my life, and while I hate the actual process, the part sitting in the gate (or at a bar on layover) is by far the best part.
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*snip - workout rant*
Sorry, off topic there haha. But these responses and discussion make me feel at ease.
Two simple words mate.
Head.
Phones.
This is partially why I prefer to workout in my home gym. Sure, not quite the variety of machines and movements, but I've got plenty enough I can do and it's worth it to avoid the fees and ass-wipes.
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I can relate wolfking, I feel the same as you. I'm an introvert and while I do like doing social things, I'm usually not a small talk guy and not very good at mingling so typically I like to just stick with my close friends or when I'm alone, stick to myself. Then again, if I get some booze in me I really change and become way more social.
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I can relate wolfking, I feel the same as you. I'm an introvert and while I do like doing social things, I'm usually not a small talk guy and not very good at mingling so typically I like to just stick with my close friends or when I'm alone, stick to myself. Then again, if I get some booze in me I really change and become way more social.
Basically me as well.
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I don't mind socializing, but I'm definitely an introvert whose never had a big circle of friends and needs steady alone time to recharge my batteries. I am pretty bad with talking with acquaintances though, I'd rather strike up a conversation with a complete stranger over some high school classmate I haven't seen in ten years.
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Interesting OP!
Kade, you're the last guy I would expect to read an OP like that. But it was very cool, and thanks for sharing. I consider you one of my closer "internet pals" and I found what you said quite moving.
Didn't realize you had a long term girl. Have you guys considered getting married? Is that a thing?
What I thought about while reading and rereading your post is that as you grow up, you really start to realize what is important. Your life becomes it's own filter. Yet, it's natural to feel like maybe you've lost something along the way. And by that, I mean, at 33, you're never going to see 23 again. Realizing that can be a bit jarring.
It's great you have your partner with you. I know having my wife has really helped me a lot.
Me, I'm not social in a sense like I get all personal with people at work. There was a time when I was younger where I might have, but you learn that isn't really a great idea. But I am easy to talk to if you want to talk about music, sports, that kind of thing. I've worked at my company for a long time and have a good reputation.
I'm also generally put off by the type of person that says, "I am who I am and if you don't like it too bad." Or "I'm just being honest." Being cool to people is not pandering. It's fine to guard against assholes in your life, but we are really all in this together, no?
Thanks for the kind words Tim. Yeah, I know it would have come as a shock, and really, by meeting me, you wouldn't know I would have any sort of issues like this. Not that's it's an issue, cause it ain't, as you say it's one of those natural things as you get older, and we all come to these times in life of self reflection. Sometimes sorrow, regret and feelings of lonliness happen to everyone.
I'm pretty private most of the time, but yeah, we've been together a long time, but we're happy how it is and aren't really looking at marriage or anything at this stage. My perception on life and the world changes too and I have the opinion that getting married isn't an essential thing that two people need to be happy together. I know it's an debate for another time but understand why people see that as a strange view.
The line you wrote that as I grew up I realize what is important, I guess that's true and a natural part of growing up. I've always been mature for my age when I was younger and I guess that shows now. I've had to with my job too, I'm supervising quite a few people 10-20 years older, so you learn and adapt to what's around you to.
Forming friendships at work you are correct, it has burnt me in the past and I've learnt to have a line that doesn't get crossed. Just difficult that work is my main focus and occupies most of my time. I'd love to try and join a band again and meet some people that share what we have on here cause I consider you and the other boys great close internet friends too.
I like that last line too. You can be who you are but there's no need to be a blatant asshole.
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I don't mind socializing, but I'm definitely an introvert whose never had a big circle of friends and needs steady alone time to recharge my batteries. I am pretty bad with talking with acquaintances though, I'd rather strike up a conversation with a complete stranger over some high school classmate I haven't seen in ten years.
Wow, that's really interesting, but I can kind of see where you are coming from.
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*snip - workout rant*
Sorry, off topic there haha. But these responses and discussion make me feel at ease.
Two simple words mate.
Head.
Phones.
This is partially why I prefer to workout in my home gym. Sure, not quite the variety of machines and movements, but I've got plenty enough I can do and it's worth it to avoid the fees and ass-wipes.
I've thought about it, but I'm working out with someone most of the time so it's not necessary. I always like to know and hear my surroundings too, especially when people have no concept of personal space and hit you with weights pushing past you while you're in the middle of a set.
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You must workout at one hell of an uncivilized gym! Most places I've worked out at in the past ... there's always going to be a douche or four around at any given time, but most people are respectful and considerate of the other patrons.
People can be the worst!
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You must workout at one hell of an uncivilized gym! Most places I've worked out at in the past ... there's always going to be a douche or four around at any given time, but most people are respectful and considerate of the other patrons.
People can be the worst!
You're probably right, probably just the cynic in me and over exaggerating haha. People can certainly be complete fucktards though.
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I remember doing a personality test for one of my management classes at college and for the introverted/extroverted category, it said I was 97% introverted, so you tell me. :lol
For me, it's the situation. With friends, I'll talk a mile a minute and you wish I'd just shut up. If I'm in a large group, or people I don't know very well, I won't talk at all and if I do, they're very short answers. I probably come off as distant and cold. I'll even go into my shell at family gatherings. I prefer to observe rather than talk and be the life of the party. My mom told me that it may not seem like I'm paying attention, but I'm always observing.
Bottom line is I prefer to be by myself rather than in a group of people. I need time to unwind and recharge after being in a large group. I'm perfectly fine waking up and only having to worry about myself.
I didn't really add anything new to this thread, but it's where I stand on the social spectrum
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Nope, not a bit social. I'll respond politely and engage in conversation when prompted, but will rarely take the initiative. I don't really have any social circles since I quit drinking (used to have a regular bar I frequented) with the exception of work and the AA fellowship. I'm pretty good at being alone though, so I'm cool with things how they are.
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Introverts?? On a DT message board?!?!!
WHAT?!?
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I remember doing a personality test for one of my management classes at college and for the introverted/extroverted category, it said I was 97% introverted, so you tell me. :lol
For me, it's the situation. With friends, I'll talk a mile a minute and you wish I'd just shut up. If I'm in a large group, or people I don't know very well, I won't talk at all and if I do, they're very short answers. I probably come off as distant and cold. I'll even go into my shell at family gatherings. I prefer to observe rather than talk and be the life of the party. My mom told me that it may not seem like I'm paying attention, but I'm always observing.
Bottom line is I prefer to be by myself rather than in a group of people. I need time to unwind and recharge after being in a large group. I'm perfectly fine waking up and only having to worry about myself.
I didn't really add anything new to this thread, but it's where I stand on the social spectrum
I should try and find and do one of those test, I'd be interested in the results, even though I pretty much know, it would be cool.
And yeah, that bolded part about being quiet in family gatherings, that's me all over. I find it weird but for some reason, I'm always the quiet one.
Nope, not a bit social. I'll respond politely and engage in conversation when prompted, but will rarely take the initiative. I don't really have any social circles since I quit drinking (used to have a regular bar I frequented) with the exception of work and the AA fellowship. I'm pretty good at being alone though, so I'm cool with things how they are.
This post is comforting lonestar. That bolded line is a big thing. Since I started training and following a healthy lifestyle, it's amazing how you realise that how much social interaction between humans revolves around alcohol.
Introverts?? On a DT message board?!?!!
WHAT?!?
Haha, yeah, I did think I'd get a lot of the typical answers because of where we are and how a lot of us are obviously like minded with similar interests but making this thread has been a huge help for me.
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Introverts?? On a DT message board?!?!!
WHAT?!?
So, on a related note (and I can start a separate thread if it starts to overwhelm this one), how does everyone's mom decorate her basement? Couches? Flowery things? Or more sparse and Spartan? :) :)
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Nope, not a bit social. I'll respond politely and engage in conversation when prompted, but will rarely take the initiative. I don't really have any social circles since I quit drinking (used to have a regular bar I frequented) with the exception of work and the AA fellowship. I'm pretty good at being alone though, so I'm cool with things how they are.
It's exceedingly telling of our society that we're more inclined having social circles where some kind of alcoholic beverage is necessary. Think about it. How many guys get together to hang out and BS over coffee? Excluding the gamer culture that consumes massive amounts of Red Bull and Mountain Dew, of course.
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There's a massive drinking culture here in (Northern) Ireland. Invariably, any work social event always involves going to the pub, so for anyone like me who's not a big drinker, it can get awkward. You either feel under pressure to drink more than you normally would, just to fit in, or if you're a non-drinker it's sometimes easier to avoid the whole event, rather than having to explain why you're drinking coke all night.
Having said that, there's been a real boom in coffee shop culture in the last few years, but none of the coffee shops would stay open as late as the bars do.
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Nope, not a bit social. I'll respond politely and engage in conversation when prompted, but will rarely take the initiative. I don't really have any social circles since I quit drinking (used to have a regular bar I frequented) with the exception of work and the AA fellowship. I'm pretty good at being alone though, so I'm cool with things how they are.
It's exceedingly telling of our society that we're more inclined having social circles where some kind of alcoholic beverage is necessary. Think about it. How many guys get together to hang out and BS over coffee? Excluding the gamer culture that consumes massive amounts of Red Bull and Mountain Dew, of course.
Very true. You don't see a group of guys sitting around having a yarn at a coffee shop. It's always out at a pub. I'd take a coffee over an alcoholic beverage anyday, but coffee shops are IMO more for partners as opposed to mates.
There's a massive drinking culture here in (Northern) Ireland. Invariably, any work social event always involves going to the pub, so for anyone like me who's not a big drinker, it can get awkward. You either feel under pressure to drink more than you normally would, just to fit in, or if you're a non-drinker it's sometimes easier to avoid the whole event, rather than having to explain why you're drinking coke all night.
Having said that, there's been a real boom in coffee shop culture in the last few years, but none of the coffee shops would stay open as late as the bars do.
That's true mate, it is easier to avoid the whole thing. Peer pressure can really be a big thing in those sorts of situations and makes the whole thing really not worth while.
If a group of us go out for a feed or something, I enjoy that, but then 75% of them will head out afterwards to drink, that's when myself and usually another couple of us that aren't into that call it a night tell him to behave themselves and head home. It's better doing that than tagging along, feeling awkward and doing shit you don't want to do anyway.