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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: lonestar on March 28, 2013, 09:29:56 AM
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Per the request of others, here is the second coming of scenes from a hat.
I will post an idea or situation, and others post how it plays out. After a day or so, a winner will be chosen, and can post the next scene, and on and on it goes.....
Scoreboard:
lonestar- 1
The first scene......
Uncomfortable moments in the produce aisle...
And go.....
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Grabbing the wrong melons.
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Grabbing the wrong melons.
Damn beat me to it.
SHUT YOUR SCREAMING BRAT'S PIEHOLE, BITCH!!
Excuse me, do you work here? Yes, ok, well a cleanup is needed by the prunes. I taste tested a couple, and then had a massive shart.
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Look everybody! Now you see it, now you don't!
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You: Ok. I bought this acorn squash, right?
Grocer: right
You: Well...I accidentally the squash.
You: The WHOLE THING!
You: What do I do?
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holy shit Barto :lol
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Look everybody! Now you see it, now you don't!
Shame on you Barto. No playing with cucumbers. :p
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You: Ok. I bought this acorn squash, right?
Grocer: right
You: Well...I accidentally the squash.
You: The WHOLE THING!
You: What do I do?
Barto gets it... Your up man.
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Look everybody! Now you see it, now you don't!
Shame on you Barto. No playing with cucumbers. :p
Don't you mean the baby carrots? :huh:
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Scoreboard:
El Barto- 1
lonestar- 1
Awkwardness the morning after a one night stand:
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Dad?!?
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I ate what?
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You were great lady ... all three holes. And in an order that was quite unexpected.
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Have you seen my hamster?
----
Remind me not to put the superglue and astroglide next to one another anymore.
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Wait a minute Jennifer, shouldn't you be sitting down to pee?
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What's that smell?
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I lost my wedding band. Can you check your hoo hoo for it?
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Dad?!?
Coming up on Hogan Knows Best. . .
Winner
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Thanks Barto!
Scoreboard:
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Scorpion - 1
Things you don't want to hear when picking up the telephone:
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Your mother having an orgasm
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This call may be recorded. You have a collect call from
hi honey,
an inmate in a Dallas County correctional facility. To accept the charges, please press 1 on your telephone keypad now.
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"Is this the Krusty Krab?"
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Your grandma from a sex hotline.
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Dad?
Is now a bad time?
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Hello. This is Stan Morgan from the IRS.
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The opening track of Geoff Tate's new album.
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Sorry, Mr Astley is busy right now, please hold..............
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Hello Mr. Anderson......
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"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down.."
(Ie, getting Rick-rolled on the phone)
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The opening track of Geoff Tate's new album.
I lost it. :lol :lol You're up.
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Oh yeah, cool!
Scoreboard:
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Scorpion - 1
Ruba - 1
The best babysitter ever:
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Vin Diesel
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"Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down.."
(Ie, getting Rick-rolled on the phone)
Sorry, Mr Astley is busy right now, please hold..............
Was mine too subtle? ;) :biggrin:
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The best babysitter ever:
Mom's favorite helper, the television.
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Calling Dr. Daniels. Doctor Jack Daniels!
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Que 70's Porn Music.
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Calling Dr. Daniels. Doctor Jack Daniels!
Winna! You're up.
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Scoreboard:
jingle.boy - 1
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Scorpion - 1
Ruba - 1
Unusual welcoming from a fast food drive thru attendant
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Would you like my special sauce with that?
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To be honest, these burgers suck. The roll is dry, the beef is tough and I'm not even going to go to the fillings. What if you go and eat somewhere else tonight?
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I hope you don't mind. I just smoked a bowl and have the munchies, BAD. Your burger looked so good... I only took one bite.
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Welcome to shit burger home of the shit burger can I take your order?
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I'll be with you in just a sec... (turning behind him) Dude, how many times do I have to tell you: COVER your sneeze, NOT all over the lettuce!
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Where's the beef?
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Welcome to 5 Guys where 5 guys handle your meat.
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Ya want a chicken burger, eh? Lemme just pluck this hen first, eh?
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Welcome to 5 Guys where 5 guys handle your meat.
And King is on the board.
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Scoreboard:
jingle.boy - 1
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Scorpion - 1
Ruba - 1
kingshmegland - 1
Pillow talk for crabs.
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You might wanna check for crabs.
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Sorry honey, I'm feeling a little crusty today.
:axeman:
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I'm sorry I pinched ya.
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I don't know if I can compete with Jingle's.
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No sexytime? Crabby bitch.
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No sexytime? Crabby bitch.
Winna! Scorp is up!
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First person with two points. TAKE THAT SUCKAZ
Scorpion - 2
jingle.boy - 1
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
kingshmegland - 1
Unexpected final words of an epitaph.
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Titty sprinkles.
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Live long and prosper. \\ //
And that is why I'll never be able to hear ZZ Top's "Pearl Necklace" without shedding a tear or two.
You can now truly rest in peace Ron. I cleared your browser history.
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Here lies Al with his hand in his pants and the TV buried with him.
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Hmmm... maybe it was loaded after all
-Terry Kath
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I told you I was sick.
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Here lies an asshole.
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Help! I'm buried alive. Get me out of here. Hurry!
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So long suckers!
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"Remember that death is not the end, but only a transition."
"Hello Victoria, so glad to see you again..."
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"Remember that death is not the end, but only a transition."
"Hello Victoria, so glad to see you again..."
:tup
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"TAKE THAT SUCKAZ"
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"Kill Mary? She's a risk. And get the priest as well".
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"Kill Mary? She's a risk. And get the priest as well".
Thank god I wasn't drinking anything :rollin.
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He lived as long as his schlong
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Here I lay, broken hearted...
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Headstone of John Sanders
"F'ed Mike, Married Bill, Killed John."
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I told you I was sick.
This really made me LOL.
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Lots of great one, but Zydar takes it for me. You're up, bud!
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Sweet!
Scorpion - 2
jingle.boy - 1
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
kingshmegland - 1
Zydar - 1
You're at a restaurant when you spot a fly in your soup. You let the waiter know about this, and his response is....
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You found Jeff Goldblum in your soup?!
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Noooooooooooooooooo! Slinky, I'm sorry! I just wanted to show you my workplace, it was never meant to end this way!
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Would you like some hornet honeywheat bread with that soup?
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<throws soup up in the air>. Fly! Be free!
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Yes, I see... I will take care of it. Sir, would you please back away from this man's soup? You know it will rust your zipper.
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<throws soup up in the air>. Fly Now Be free!
FIFY
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"He's doing the backstroke."
I told you I was sick.
This really made me LOL.
Thanks dude. :tup
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"I'm sorry, we were all out of peas."
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Well, I'll just use my hands to get those little critters out! Bon appetit!!!
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Only one?
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<in a French accent> Would you prefer something else? Perhaps a cockroach?
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I'm sorry sir, you must have gotten the anteater special by mistake
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Many great ones, but jingle.chad wins with this:
<throws soup up in the air>. Fly! Be free!
You're up :tup
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Beauty. Hopefully you understood this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9g1yRXF8I8) was the inspiration for that 'scene'.
jingle.boy - 2
Scorpion - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
kingshmegland - 1
Zydar - 1
An unexpected announcement by your flight captain.
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Attention passengers, have you ever had that not so fresh feeling? Well look towards your TV for this in flight infomercial.
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"This is much more fun than being the captain of the Costa Concordia."
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If you look to the right you will see the ocean about 200 feet from you.
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have reached a cruising altitude of 35,000 feet and will now begin our in-flight movie: Twilight. For an alternate selection, please step outside on the wing for a special screening of "Bye Bye Birdie".
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If you can believe this folks, I just joined the mile high club but since I didn't put the auto pilot on we will be 45 minutes late to our destination and out of fuel. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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"Hello? Eh... this is your captain speaking. There's absolutely no cause for alarm."
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This is the captain. Please take your air masks and place them on your face. I just had a burrito.
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Me and my officers will be beaming down to a hostile area shortly. I will require a man in a red shirt to accompany us, preferably one who will not be significantly missed should something unfortunate happen.
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Go strap yourselves in. I'm going to make the jump to light speed.
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"I don't mean to alarm anyone but... is there anyone on board who can fly a plane?"
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Does anyone on board like movies about gladiators?
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Pardon the interruption folks, but we are currently going to plaid
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And if you look to your right, you'll see a clown on a unicycle.
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Oh man, I can't believe I've missed this thread. Will probably contribute soon but right now just :lol
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This is the captain. Please take your air masks and place them on your face. I just had a burrito.
Winner!
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Sweet.
jingle.boy - 2
Scorpion - 2
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
4 out of 5 dentist prefer......
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Police Academy II... it's an absolute classic.
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Police Academy II... it's an absolute classic.
Now see, "That didn't hurt." :lol
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Police Academy II... it's an absolute classic.
:lol
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You to be knocked out. Even if it's just for a cleaning :zydar:
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...that fifth dentist.
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Police Academy II... it's an absolute classic.
Electric Boogaloo!! You win!
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Boomerang victory!
jingle.boy - 3
Scorpion - 2
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
Telemarketing sales pitches.
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Doesn't anyone fuckin' carry cash anymore?
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Well played madam. Well played. :hefdaddy
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Was it really that bad of a topic, or did ya'll just get scared because of my response to Jackie's (inside joke btw) 'scene'?
I fly home in 8 hours. Give me more to judge.
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I've been thinking but my brain apparently isn't working properly. I thought it was a good topic though :D
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I'd like to talk to you about someone else calling you to talk about another call.
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Well, I guess it was a shitty theme. With a distinct lack of competition, Jackie gets it with the inside joke.
Sending PM.
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:lol, that seems unfair but I'll go with it.
jingle.boy - 3
Scorpion - 2
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
Bad things to say while a dominatrix's stiletto is pressed against your scrotum.
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I asked you to shave, bitch!
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Black makes you look fat.
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You sure that's how they pierce it?
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Your so sweet, I just want to cuddle tonight.
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Good start :rollin
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I didn't know they made those heels in size 16!
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I know we're not normally supposed to touch, but can I?
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Holy fuck your pussy stinks. What, did a skunk crawl up there and take a shart?
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Oh dear :lol :lol
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Did you know that four out of five dominatrix recommend Blue Cross, Blue Shield?
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Oh come on! I already lost my Tour de France titles; I don't have another one of these to spare!
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Hey Jimmy! You gotta come in here and see the size of this camel toe!
When I suggested you dress up as a Batman character, I was thinking Halle Barry/Catwoman... not Danny DeVito/Penguin.
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I'll bet you'd like a nice, hard punch in the cooch right about now.
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I'm a lawyer; I can help you file a malpractice suit against the doctor that did your gender reassignment surgery.
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Okay, it was a very close call, but the first response still made me laugh the hardest:
I asked you to shave, bitch!
Winner!
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Sweet! I didn't think I'd win this one, tbh, but I'm glad I could make you laugh. :laugh:
jingle.bitch, the race is on. :P
jingle.boy - 3
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
Bad things to say when meeting a celebrity.
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Who are you?
So, what exactly is the "C-list" like anyway?
Made a sex tape yet?
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You're not as famous as Paris Hilton are you?
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Oh, you're the taxi-driver, right?
(bit of a DT pun, hope someone catches it)
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Didn't I see you in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo?
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Nice camel toe.
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Get a real job.
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Wanna see my third nipple?
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My asshole's this big.
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Can you autograph my penis?
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Wanna see my third nipple?
So you met Arnold Schwarzenegger? ;)
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Hopefully I'm not too late...
I'm your biggest fan! :xbones
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Wanna see my third nipple?
There's no way that Jay could have known this, but I just watched Man With the Golden Gun yesterday, so this was really unexpected and made me laugh harder than it would probably have otherwise. Winna!
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Wanna see my third nipple?
There's no way that Jay could have known this, but I just watched Man With the Golden Gun yesterday, so this was really unexpected and made me laugh harder than it would probably have otherwise. Winna!
I've never even seen that movie :lol It just popped in my head!
Updated standings:
jingle.boy - 3
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
Topic- Last /worst thing you wanna find when the doorbell rings at 2am
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(https://darkwinter.net/wp-content/themes/shopperpress/thumbs/12614.jpg)
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(https://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m80c4eV3W61rbwcf9o1_500.jpg)
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Landshark
A Mohel
Gary Busey
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A bag on fire at your doorstep.
(Old Fogies know where I'm going with this)
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A bag on fire at your doorstep.
:lol
"Hello, my name is Elder Price, and I would like to share with you the most amazing book!"
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Landshark
:lol
Hello! Let me tell you about Bedeceived.
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Hello! Let me tell you about Bedeceived.
:icy:
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"Baby, look who I brought home from the bar..."
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"Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and saviour?"
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"Ha, made you get up!!!"
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Do you have that, "Not so fresh feeling?"
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Gary Busey
Winner
I've been watching Celb Apprentice All Stars.... Gary Busey... some of those expressions... nightmares....
Now the only way to make it better would be a pic of Gary Busey's head on Baby Harry Potter's body. With the scar.
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:happydance:
Updated standings:
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
What you wouldn't expect to hear from a Wal-Mart greeter.
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Are you SURE that you want to shop here?
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Shirt and shoes, no service.
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"make sure you shirt your dick if your dick ticks!"
Not from a greeter but was said to me by the (now former) bearded woman that works at my local WallyWorld.
(I had just bought a Dickies shirt)
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Welcome to Wal Mart. Save Money...by shit.
Welcome to Mal Mart. Don't forget our Always Low Prices, from stuff made by 5 year old children in China.
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Greetings! I would like to bestow upon you a most cordial welcome to our facility. Please take this headset with you to learn more about some of the sights you will encounter on your exciting journey to America's Epicentre.
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YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!!!
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"We need you to sign this. It's a disclaimer stating that you might be photographed and picture uploaded onto Peopleofwalmart.com. Walmart cannot be held liable for any ridicule you might be subjected to."
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It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
A beautiful day for a neighbor
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Please won't you be... my neighbor?
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Happy Vlasto Day!!!
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Happy Vlasto Day!!!
:rollin
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Shit... forgot this was mine to judge. While the Vlasto Day one would be the most unexpected, this gave me the best giggle.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!!!
PM being sent.
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Hi,you are the father.
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Wow, wasn't expecting that! Thanks jingle.boy!
Updated standings:
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
Jarlaxle - 1
Ill-advised business names and slogans.
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Sneed's Feed and Seed (Formerly Chuck's)
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Hones Otto's Used Johns (formerly Honest John's Used Autos).
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Springfield Heights Institute of Technology
City Morgue: You kill 'em, we chill 'em.
City Morgue: You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Abortion Clinic: You rape 'em, we scrape 'em.
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Manscape. Where man meets lawn.
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Nike's sex dolls: Just do it.
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Bump And Grind Auto Body.
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The Count's Blood Bank: We'll Bleed You Dry
Monica's Sperm Bank and Dairy Products: Get a Mouthful!
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Peter Pan's Abortion Clinic.
We'll "Hook" you in.
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Peter Pan's Abortion Clinic.
We'll "Hook" you in.
Winner!
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Thank you!!
Updated standings:
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
Jarlaxle - 1
Fat Albert walks into McDonalds and says.........
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Fat Albert "I'll have #1, a #2, a #3, a #4, a #6, a #7, a #8, a #9, and a #10."
Cashier: "What would you like to drink sir?"
Fat Albert: "Diet coke."
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Gimme 4 big macs............... and all your money motherfuckers......... don't fuck with me bitch!!!!!
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Gimme 4 big macs............... and all your money motherfuckers......... don't fuck with me bitch!!!!!
^times got tough for Fat Albert and the gang? :lol
A side salad!?!?!? What the??? Salad is food's food... it's the food that my food eats.
No you will not grill my chicken... you're gonna drop that piece of fucking foul in a vat of hot boiling fat.
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Fat Albert walks into McDonalds and says.........
HEY HEY HEY!!!!
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"Can you supersize my supersize, and then supersize it again?"
FA: "I'll get 17 double-down sandwhiches and a Dr. Pepper."
Cashier: "Sir, this is not KFC."
FA: "RACIST!"
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Bump.
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"Can you supersize my supersize, and then supersize it again?"
Winna!!
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Updated standings:
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
Awkward things you hear your grandma say:
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Tit mouse.
Pull my finger sonny.
When you come over for dinner on Sunday, bring some C batteries. My vibrator is dying.
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This is a true story. My uncle, probably four or so at the time, was embarrassed to strip down in front of his grandmother so she could help him with his bath. Her response? "Oh hush. I've had worse things in my mouth."
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"Wherever you be let your wind go free, if you hold it in it will be the death of me. " -Yvonne Callahan My grandmother. :lol
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I'm not your real grandmother,.
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"That mother fucker wouldn't walk me across the street!"
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Awkward things you hear your grandma say:
"I am your father."
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I have a cock.
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titty sprinkles
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"It's Vlasto day!"
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Do these tassles make me look fat?!
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I have a cock.
:lol I don't know why this made my laugh so hard. Winner!
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Woot!
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
If dogs could talk,what would they say?
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fuck you
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I'll bet you're jealous 'cause I can lick my balls and you can't.
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:rollin
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You gonna eat that vomit, or can I have it?
OH HEY, JOHN. COME AND SMELL THIS BITCH'S ASS. IT'S FUCKING AMAZING, DUDE! THE BEST THING I'VE SMELLED SINCE THE LAST THING I JUST SMELLED. OH HEY, IS THAT DEAD RAT I SMELL IN THERE? OH NICE, I NEVER GET TO EAT THOSE! OH MAN, LET'S HUMP.
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Man, I have human breath this morning.
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Gotta admit that I'm a little but confused
Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used
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THE HUMANS ARE HOME!!!! THE HUMANS ARE HOME!!!! OH BLESSED JOY!!!! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN LIKE, 35 MINUTES!! WAIT, MY TAIL!!! WHAT'S THAT BACK THERE!!! GOTTA GET IT!!! OH, YOU'RE HOME!! COME HERE, LET ME LICK YOUR FACE OFF!!!!
Squirrel!
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It's Bacon strips, not beggin' strips you ass.
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*lights cigar* "Alright boys, deuces are wild, blinds are 25 and 50. We're playing for all the bones tonight. Scruffy, you're first deal."
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"Don't you wish you could lick DEEEZ NUUUUTTTSSS!?"
"Hey Spot, check out that sexy little number over there, I bet she has the best smelling balloon knot on the block."
"You think you have a small bladder? I have to lift my leg and piss every 5 steps!"
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I chase cats therefore I am.
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It's long and it's pink.....and it needs someplace to 'hide'..........
Hey buddy.....I just ate my crap about three minutes ago and now I'm licking your face.....
Not the peanut butter again....it's only been 35 minutes.....
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Hey buddy.....I just ate my crap about three minutes ago .....
......and now you know why my coat is so ass kickin'!
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I'm gunna eat my ass and balls
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All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........All ball licking and no play makes Rover a dull boy.........
-
Dumps are the best!
-
You gonna eat that vomit, or can I have it?
OH HEY, JOHN. COME AND SMELL THIS BITCH'S ASS. IT'S FUCKING AMAZING, DUDE! THE BEST THING I'VE SMELLED SINCE THE LAST THING I JUST SMELLED. OH HEY, IS THAT DEAD RAT I SMELL IN THERE? OH NICE, I NEVER GET TO EAT THOSE! OH MAN, LET'S HUMP.
The winner!
I'll bet you're jealous 'cause I can lick my balls and you can't.
Runner up!
-
BUMP
-
Sorry, forgot about this. Thanks, Lolzeez.
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
bout to crash- 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
Strangest thing to read on someone's will (you know, after they've died).
-
Happy Vlasto Day!
-
I leave all my nail clippings to Bat Boy from the World News newspaper.
-
"I bequeath my entire fortune to the NY Met; however they must use my skull at least annually during a peformance of Macbeth."
"My doctor is to drive a steel stake through my heart to make sure that I am properly dead."
"My ashes are to be molded into ping pong balls and used during the matinee performances at the Spearmint Rhino in Vegas"
"If anyone should contest my will they will automatically be disinherited" ~F. Sinatra
-
Happy Vlasto Day!
This is getting old.
-
When you pull the plug on me I'd like an old ragtime band play, "Clang, Clang, Clang goes the trolley".
-
"I was kidding about the DNR. Spare no expense."
-
This page was intentionally left blank.
-
"I would like to leave my giant collection of sex toys to my husband, who I know has just as much fun with them as I did."
-
....and an apology to you Tom......for the sores that your wife turned up with. Who knew what three bottles of wine and a dube would lead to?
-
This page was intentionally left blank.
:lol
I can't top that one. :hefdaddy
-
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
If you're happy and you know it stomp your feet!
(and so on...)
-
April fools!
-
Iiiiiiiiiiiii'm the man in the Box......
Buried in my Sh%t.....
Woooooon't yoooou.....come.....and....save me...
-
^ :tup :lol
-
You can have all my swag home dog, after all YOLO init bruv
-
Here lies a happy man who got away from that bitch.
-
"I would like to leave my AIDS to everyone I've ever slept with. Oh wait..."
-
This message will self destruct in 5 seconds.
-
Tag, your it.
-
"I would like to leave my AIDS to everyone I've ever slept with. Oh wait..."
I give you the win on the condition that you leave me out of your will.
-
:lol, deal.
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
Worst threesome ever.
-
I've never seen the hair between butt and balls braided before....
-
Me, King and Scorpion.
-
Andre the Giant, Honey Boo Boo and Stalin
-
Me, King and Scorpion.
We'd tear him apart.
Wendy, Ronald McDonald & the other creepy King.
-
Joan of Arc, Magellan and Ponce DeLeon
-
Moe, Larry & Curly.
-
Moe, Larry & Curly.
While Shemp and Curly Joe film it as they please each other....
-
Curly Joe, as useless as dialogue in porn.
-
That one night in 1988. :facepalm:
-
A Budweiser Clydesdale, Julia Roberts and Andy Dick
-
Celo, Stephen Hawkin and a mayonnaise lathered cocker spaniel named 'Duke'
-
Me, King and Scorpion.
Yeah, I agre- Wait, why does it say worst? That's clearly a typo.
:eyebrows:
-
Kim Jon Un + Vladimir Putin + Angela Merkel
Peter Griffin + Marge Simpson + Kenny
And premiering this summer on TLC (The Licking Channel), Dance Mom teacher Abby Lee Miller + The Little Couple.
-
Roseanne, Sally Struthers, and Ellen DeGeneress
-
Me, King and Scorpion.
Yeah, I agre- Wait, why does it say worst? That's clearly a typo.
:eyebrows:
:lol, keep em' comin guys!
-
Mr. Bill
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
Gumbie
No junk to use so what to do?!
-
Me, My hand and My tears.... :'( (I would know)
-
Me, a rabid pit bull, and a jar of peanut butter
Me, Jackie, and 2000 miles distance :'(
-
A Budweiser Clydesdale, Julia Roberts and Andy Dick
Eh, I'd watch it.
-
Aeon Flux, Fred Flinstone and Shaggy
-
The Adonis...his ego...and his superego.
-
Abe Vigoda, Ron Jeremy, and Rosanne Barr
(apologies to Ron and Abe, nothing but love for ya guys)
-
Siegfried, Roy and the corpse of Steve Irwin
-
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Maria Sharapova.
Think of the grunts!
-
Bella Caroli, Pablo Escobar and Nadya Suleman (the Octomom)
-
Rachel Maddow, Janeane Garofalo and Candy Crowley
just think of the confusion as to who was what role?
-
Rachel Maddow, Janeane Garofalo and Candy Crowley
just think of the confusion as to who was what role?
Everybody is the quarterback in theis 3some. :lol
-
Mother Teresa, Helen Keller and Carrot Top
Geddy Lee, Gérard Depardieu and Pinocchio
-
Rachel Maddow, Glenn Beck, and Gene Simmons
-
Me, a rabid pit bull, and a jar of peanut butter
Me, Jackie, and 2000 miles distance :'(
It's only like 1200 brah :heart
Okay guys I'm actually not making a decision yet because I just laughed so hard at some of those I don't know what to do. Let me sleep on it...
-
Okay, sooo many amazing ones, but I had to go with this one:
Mother Teresa, Helen Keller and Carrot Top
:rollin
gmillerdrake, you get a special mention for having two of the runners-up :tup
-
Thanks - and wow - so many ROFL-worthy ones that time! (good topic)
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
Next up:
Awkward moment meeting a celebrity..
-
Miek Protnoy Plz com Indonesia!! We luv u!
-
Hey Natalie... wanna see my third nipple?
-
Sorry- I see I missed a topic almost exactly like this... one moment
Change of topic:
Worst botched line during a musical/play
-
*While lining up under center at a co-ed charity flag football game*
"Hey Nina Hartley?! I should have known you'd know how to hike a ball."
-
reboot
Change of topic:
Worst botched line during a musical/play
-
Oh fuck it. I'm a waiter, not an actor!
-
"I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Homosexual Transylvania...I mean Transsexual... Transsexual Transylvania.."
-
"If I were a rich man,
Oh-Yabba-Dabba-Dabba-Dabba-Dabba-Dabba-Dabba-Doo!"
-
Bumpity... would like some more from those
demented beautiful minds before picking
-
To be......or not to be.......that is the dumbest Fuc%ing question I've ever heard!!!!
-
From Grease....summer days.....
Girls: 'Tell me more, Tell me more,
Did he get very far?
Guys: 'Tell me more, Tell me more,
Did you smile in her eye?'
^^^^^Sorry....that's horrible :(
-
"I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Homosexual Transylvania...I mean Transsexual... Transsexual Transylvania.."
Winner!
-
Wow! Thanks!!
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TempusVox -1
El Barto - 1
lonestar - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
Next up:
Pointless (pointless being the operative word) additions to the Ten Commandments.
-
Thou shalt not have pre-marital/underaged intercourse
Thou shalt not claim they have more swag than God
-
Thou shalt not take thy Chocolate and covet thou peanut butter.
-
Thou shalt shut the fuck up during the damn guitar solo.
-
Thou shalt shut the fuck up during the damn guitar solo.
And thou shalt take a bathroom break during the drum solo
-
Thou shall not take Tony Danza's name in vain
-
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's bacon.
Thou shalt not wear socks with crocs.
-
Thou shalt shut the fuck up during the damn guitar solo.
And thou shalt take a bathroom break during the drum solo
:rollin
Don't forget the chai latte. xD
-
Thou shalt not clean belly button lint out with a polyester bath cloth.
-
Thou shalt henceforth replace 'thou shalt' with "My def wicked homie be doin'".......
-
Thou shall not fart lest finger is pulled.
-
Thou shalt bathe only in the tart morning showers of Gold.
-
Thou shalt not craft a meme from Orbert's likeness
-
Thou shalt swear a blood oath to despise and detest whichever team your beloved team shalt be engaged in 'playoff' battle with. Despise. Detest. Destroy.
-
Thou shalt not scratch thy testicles after having prepared thy meaty meal with ghost peppers.
Thou shalt not take my name in vain... unless thy name is Jaq, and thy has just made best friend uber-jealous whilst being fellated better than ever before.
Honor thy father ... then write a song about it.
-
Thou shalt not scratch thy testicles after having prepared thy meaty meal with ghost peppers.
Thou shalt not take my name in vain... unless thy name is Jaq, and thy has just made best friend uber-jealous whilst being fellated better than ever before.
Honor thy father ... then write a song about it.
If I has the hand clap emoticon I'd use it here Chad. All three of those are great :lol
-
you mean :clap:
don't get any more straightforward than that.
:takesbow: and hopes TV likes them too.
-
Jingle...you nearly had it; but they all three were so good they cancelled each other out. So Lonestar takes it with the belly button lint commandment. Lonestar, yur up!
-
(https://cdn.memegenerator.net/images/300x/7370975.jpg)
-
:rollin
-
Newman! (RJ) :lol
-
:rollin :rollin
-
:biggrin:
OK, next scene.....
Hef and Chuck Norris meet, the dialogue. Go......
-
Los standings...
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
lonestar- 2
TempusVox -1
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
-
Shut the fuck up Chuck you bitch.
-
I crap bigger than you.
Hey Hef, this is some good lemonade!
I know. I just squeezed it fresh from the apples I picked off that orange tree.
You call that a beard Hef?
Shut up or I'll strangle you with my cell phone.
-
So Chuck, I hear you're a fan of Dream Theater?
Yeah, I even once joined this message board called DTF.
Really, what was your username?
Well, just to throw people off, I called myself Janet1234.
-
Chuck: Hey Hef, I just bed your wife using Delta Force....I twirled my schlong like nun chucks afterward.
Hef: I like Apple Sauce.
-
Chuck: Hey Hef, I love your magazine. Especially the centerfold. I've never opened the mag to look at it though, the centerfold unfolds on its own to look at me.
-
Chuck: You mean she wasn't a virgin? Then why was there so much blood??
Hef: ...cause you're Chuck Norris...
-
:lolpalm:
-
Chuck: You mean she wasn't a virgin? Then why was there so much blood??
Hef: ...cause you're Chuck Norris...
Slam dunk win. You're up bud...
-
The last thing Jesus said at the Last Supper.
-
Really Luke, a 7% tip? Way to promote the stereotype.
-
Bite me.
Oh man, tacos? I hope I've got tomorrow free, because you do not want to be around when that goes through me.
-
Cake or death? Ohp... you said death!
-
Damn that waitress is fine, I'll show her my "body of Christ"...
Hey Judas, why don't you take some of that gold and at least cover the tab you asshole.
-
YOLO!
-
It's Vlasto Day!
-
Good bread, eh Judas?
This is the last time Peter picks the location! That's one bitch of a walk we all got, and I'm seeing 24 of you right now.
Hey! Who's roofies are these?
-
(to the manager) Umm, I'm a little short on cash. Can I pay you on Friday?
-
"Fourteen dollars for a glass of Remy Martin? Jesus Christ! Who ordered this shit?!"
-
"Hey guys...Since we had to wait so long for a table, the manager said he'd comp us all a dessert next time. I told him I'd be back on Sunday."
-
Man I'm stuffed...I don't think I'll ever have to eat again.....
-
I ... I luff all you guyzth. No... I ... meeeEEEAAAaaan it. Even ... Even you Ju (hiccup) Judas, you unloyl prikh. Ok, ok, ok ok, ... shhhhhh. Gather round boys. Les haf one last circle jerk before I pass ut. Aww, c'mon Matt, grab yer own Johnson fer cryin out loud. Aaaaahhh screw you all! I nevuh (hiccup) liked any of yous in da firs place - speshly you, Judas. Im goan home. Fuk you all, and teh camel's you rode up here on.
-
OK, the next fucktard that refers to my mom as "Mary with the cherry" is getting my blessed foot up his unholy ass.
-
"Fourteen dollars for a glass of Remy Martin? Jesus Christ! Who ordered this shit?!"
Holy shit guys, those were all hilarious!! :hefdaddy
As hard as it was to pick, I have to go with this one though.
But seriously guys, those were great! :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Miles Standingsish
jingle.boy - 4
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
lonestar- 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
TheLordOfTheStrings- 1
-
The Scene: Breakfast cereals that never made it beyond the test kitchen....
-
Poop Loops
-
Black Cherry Pops
Fudge-O Rings
-
Brocolocolicious
-
Sugar Frosted Pubes
-
Shredded lawn trimmings
-
Cinnamon Flavored Floptwats
FUQSTIX
Crabby Scabby
Rice Scabbies
Fuzzy Pussy Boogers
Dig 'Em Snatch
Cinnamon Apple Snatch
Bubblebutts
Cookie Cringe
Nic-O-Fits
-
Toasted Corn Holeoes
-
Fudge Packin Crunch
-
Placenta Pops
-
Porn Flakes
-
:rollin ALL of you are marketing geniuses.
Razor Bran
Proggy-O's
Cap'n Crotch
-
Dahmer Bits of Oats, with Individual Body part Marshmallows
-
Ghost Pepper Bran Flakes
Mighty O's of Vegemite
-
Pinecone crunch
-
Spaceballs: The Movie: The Cereal
-
Penguin Drop(ping)s
-
Puffed Cardboard in Various Shapes..... oh wait, that's been done many times over already.
-
Me Twig n Berries
-
Lola Granola
(for any old Bloom County fans)
-
Lola Granola
(for any old Bloom County fans)
I'd give you the win just for the reference. Bloom County, best comic ever.
-
Cheerios, now with new cardboard flavor!
-
Frosted Toenails
-
Bloom County, best comic ever.
:tup
-
New! John Petrucci's, Potato and Small Mammal O's
-
Me Twig n Berries
Kid Tested? Mother Approved!
-
Cinnamon Flavored Floptwats
:lol :lol :lol
-
Brocolocolicious
There were some good ones, and Weys Floptwats had me rolling, but I have to go with "Brocolocolicious".
Lonestar....Yer up!
-
Poison
-
Thanks TV!!! Can someone post the standings for me please....
And the next topic...
Worlds stupidest bar bet.
-
Standings
jingle.boy - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
TheLordOfTheStrings- 1
Of course I can get a free lap dance. (this goes for everyone except Mrs. Coz)
Of course I can Karaoke to Beiber.
Of course we can take the bouncers.
-
I bet I can swallow that without chewing.
-
Guy1: Hey man, wanna make a friendly wager?
Guy 2 (super drunk): Yeah sure man, whatsss the wager?
Guy 1: I bet you can't fit me and all my buddies on your bar tab.
Guy 2: You're on!
-
I bet you a beer that you ask that drunk girl to not to show us her tits.
-
Hey DarkLord Lalinc, I bet you 5Gs you can't kidnap those five hotties over at that table.
-
Hefdaddy: Bet that girl's a virgin.
Chuck Norris: You'd lose.
-
I bet I can get my tongue past her tonsils before she slaps me.
-
Bet you won't eat this urinal cake sandwich?
-
IN A PROG BAR: "Betcha fifty bucks I can get a chick to come in here!"
-
You rang? :biggrin: :lol
-
You rang? :biggrin: :lol
I'm giving the win to Deb for the flawless victory reply answer here, you're up.....
-
No shit? Outstanding! :victorydance:
Standings
jingle.boy - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
TheLordOfTheStrings- 1
DebraKadabra - 1
First drafts of famous movie lines.
-
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Why don't you go slap some makeup on, head over to the brothel, and start swallowing swords.
Luke .... Who's your daddy?
Oh Toto... where the fuck are we?
Bond, James Bond. But people call me Jimmy.
Houston, we have a problem. Ken had Mexican last night, and it smells like a skunk just sharted in here.
-
I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse, or maybe I'll let him think about it.
-
If you build it, it'll cost lots of money
-
Frankly my dear.....I can tell you your decision could greatly affect my mood, possibly hurt my feelings.
-
Life's like a box of chocolates, halfway through it, you'll hate yourself.
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a garbage man.
I don't believe in America.
-
You cant handle the truth! Son we live in a world that has bars, and those have to be inhabited by men with drinking problems. Whose gonna drink all that alcohol, you Mr. Johnson? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Boston Rob, and you curse Survivor. You have that luxury, you have the luxury of not knowing what I unfortunately saw, that Boston Robs win while predictable, probably boosted sexist egos worldwide. And my existence while grotesque and incomprehensible, to you, Makes you want to drink more. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you talk about parties; you want me on your lap, you need me on your lap!! We use words like douche bag, tard, pussy whilped, We use these words as the backbone of a life spent demeaning eaxh other, you use them as therapy sources. I have neither the time,or the inclination, to explain myself to a person, who laughs and curses under the blanket of the very entertainment that I provide, and then questions the manner, in which I provide it. I'd rather you just say 'ill fu%k you' and go ahead and do it. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a dildo and shove it in your butt. Either way, I don't give a damn, what you think you are entitled to!
-
Did you fondle that 14 year old girl!?!?!
I did my job!!!
DID YOU FONDLE THAT 14 YEAR OLD GIRL!?!?!
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Soylent Green is really awful
Frankly my dear, this picture has run 2 hours too long
-
E.T. get busy signal
-
I was born a rich white child.
-
I hate the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like throw-up
-
Did you eat the last oreo?
I did my job.
DID YOU EAT THE LAST OREO?!!
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!!!
-
Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become pee wee golf champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!
-
I am ... and always shall be .... your bitch. \\// Go fuck yourself, Jim.
A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day. Tomorrow maybe, but not THIS day.
:gandalf:
*gets pulled over*
Hey...someone wanna help a brother out!??!?
There is good in him, I've felt it. Wasn't proud of myself and it would be illegal in 7 quadrants, but I did feel it.
-
Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become pee wee golf champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!
You do know though that whole thing was improvised, right?
-
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.....
Ok I didn't change the quote, it's just a reminder in case you've forgotten.....Nobody puts Baby in a corner....got it? :hat
-
With arms wide open standing on the now of the Titanic
I'm the President of Earth!!!!
-
*Renee Zelwigger* - You expect me to believe a single word of that Jerry?!?
-
"Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. So, do you prefer to be on the bottom, or...?"
-
"I ate his liver with some kidney beans and a glass of Boones Farm." ~Silence of the Lambs
"Frankly bitch, I don't give a shit." ~Gone With The Wind
"Say hello to my lil' acquaintance!" ~Scarface
"I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. But they raped him. Every day. A lot." ~Shawshank Redemption
"This is BULLSHIT!" ~300
"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Sorry...my bad...I thought you was talkin' to me. I apologize." ~ Taxi Driver
-
While there were MANY funny ones, this one made me really LOL:
If you build it, it'll cost lots of money
:lol :lol :lol
You're up, dude!
-
Sweet!
Standings
jingle.boy - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
kingshmegland - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
TheLordOfTheStrings- 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
A sportcasters worst nightmare
-
"And today's biggest story comes from the world of soccer ...."
-
....And now let's send it back out to Stewart who is live at day 63 of the Global Quidditch Tournament of Champions.....
-
"That's a wrap on our studio halftime analysis. Now let's head back up to the stadium booth with the guys, where they'll be joined by O.J. Simpson for a preview of the second half. Al and Jim?"
-
We would like to ...ahh .. welcome the newest member of the Monday Night Football broadcast team, Mr. Andy Dick.
-
"Welcome to the show everyone. First and foremost, today is our teleprompt writer's last day. Cunt punch."
"Let's go to the NASCAR race, where there wasn't a single crash!"
"Today, NBC Sports announced they are bringing back the red and blue streaks for not only NHL hockey, but every sport with a small moving object - including billiards, bowling, and next week's national Head's Up poker championship".
"And news from Scotland ... math scores have been improving dramatically over the last 10 years in the country's education system, therefore all Dart announcers have been fired"
-
Welcome to the first ever Tiddliwinks Championship! You can feel the tension in the air with this crowd of 14!!
-
"And now we go live to Wrigley Field, where reporter Ken Miller has been waiting to report on the Cubs winning the World Series."
"Now that human cloning experiments have proven successful, I am sitting here with Skip Bayless on my left, and Skip Bayless on my right."
-
Welcome to the first ever Tiddliwinks Championship! You can feel the tension in the air with this crowd of 14!!
:rollin
It's probably not wise to draw attention to fellow competitors but this seriously makes me laugh!
-
Welcome to the first ever Tiddliwinks Championship! You can feel the tension in the air with this crowd of 14!!
Winner! I guess my idea wasn't as popular. Ah well, you're up kingshmegland
-
Thanks!
Standings
jingle.boy - 4
kingshmegland - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
TheLordOfTheStrings- 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
A clown pulls out a balloon, a condom and and a 1/5 of whiskey and says........
-
"Who wants a balloon giraffe?"
-
Wanna see my third nipple?
-
I've got three pounds of Coke.... Two days to move it....and one way to hide it....
-
Who's in the mood to wrap, blow and swallow?
-
It's like Mary Poppins' purse back there! Who wants to see what else I got?
What do you mean it's not THAT kind of party?
My sponsor isn't here, is he?
-
"Kids, before I get started we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hanta virus? That came out of left field....Now who wants to see me drink this hooch, shove this balloon up my nose, and crap an elephant into this condom?!!"
-
"Okay children, get ready cause, we're aboiut to act out the joke...The Aristocrats!"
-
Happy Vlasto Day!
-
Remember kids I'm really a superhero so you can't tell your parents or I'll get found out!
-
"I hope you kids are on facebook, cause you're about to get poked"
And then he fell off his unicycle and died.
The end.
-
What the fuck is this balloon doing here?
-
"I hope you kids are on facebook, cause you're about to get poked"
Oooooph! The Winna!
-
Standings
jingle.boy - 4
kingshmegland - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
TheSilentHam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Something JR said in his sleep, that he didn't want anyone to hear.
-
Something JR said in his sleep, that he didn't want anyone to hear.
ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!
Yes, I realize you didn't meant THAT JR.
-
Yeah.....that's a nice little kitty Zsa Zsa.....keep licking my beard...yeah....don't stop....
-
"What? Justin Bieber is looking for a keyboardist? I hope he picks me..."
-
Yes Mike, show me how to use the drumsticks.
-
I guess I'll not develop an app for that.
-
I'm the Wizard and the Wizard says play with my Wand!!!!
-
Something JR said in his sleep, that he didn't want anyone to hear.
ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!
Yes, I realize you didn't meant THAT JR.
This would have won if you put "STONE COLD!!!! STONE COLD!!!! STONE COLD!!!!". hahahaha. :rollin
I'll give people more of a chance and check back in the morning.
-
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
-
No James, not here.....everyone will see us....
-
Morph Whiz is my new spread for bagels.........
-
Kevin....do you prefer me wearing this violet or magenta Space Dye Vest?
-
Something JR said in his sleep, that he didn't want anyone to hear.
ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!
Yes, I realize you didn't meant THAT JR.
This would have won if you put "STONE COLD!!!! STONE COLD!!!! STONE COLD!!!!". hahahaha. :rollin
I'll give people more of a chance and check back in the morning.
Too funny... I actually did type that first, but thought I'd make it something more current. :lolpalm:
re-entry....
The Final Countdown... bada da daaaaaaaa, bada dun dun dun
-
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
bahahahaha. That's the winner. xD
-
Sweet! Thank you Lord!
Standings
jingle.boy - 4
kingshmegland - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Next Topic:
Best/Worst pickup line by a either a movie extra or a roadie
-
Roadie: Hey, if you let me plug into your input jack, I'll tell you if you're in tune..
-
Roadie: "So, hey sweetie...How bad do you really wanna meet Justin Bieber?"
Roadie Reprised: "So hey sweetie...How bad do you and your mommy here wanna meet Justin Bieber?"
Extra: "So, hey sweetie...I just did s scene with Taylor Lautner..."
-
"Hey there Honey....come over here with me and I can show you where Tommy Lee vomited about a half hour ago"
-
bump... gonna give it more time per all the DNS fun today
-
where d'ya wanna put that drum stick? ;)
-
Why don't we go get a bite to eat, then head back to my place where we can have a drink and look at pictures of Ryan Gosling's shlong?
-
Roadie: Oh for sure!! I can introduce you to Mick and Keith and Charlie. First though, you're gonna have to roll my stones. :eyebrows:
Extra: Mr. Gibson! Mr. Gibson... I'd put sugar there for you anytime.
Extra: You must've heard of me by now. People call me Zydar. :zydarscouch:
-
"It looks just like a Telefunken U-47"
-
Extra: You must've heard of me by now. People call me Zydar. :zydarscouch:
You played the Zydar card, and it was trump. Winner!
-
Wahoo! Zydar pulls through for me in the caption and scenes threads now. You da man Zy!
Standings
jingle.boy - 5
kingshmegland - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Pron titles adapted from movies/TV shows
-
Pron titles adapted from movies/TV shows
I have a feeling that no matter what we come up with, it will most likely already exist as real, whether we're aware of it or not. :lol
-
Star Sores episode IV: A New Whore
The Ballshank Redemption
When Harry Fucked Sally
Bored of the Rings?
Man of Steel
12 Angry Men
The Virgin Spring
-
Pon Farr Trek 3: The Search for Cock
Pon Farr Trek 5: The Anal Frontier
Pon Farr Trek 6: The Undiscovered C*nt
-
Everybody Loves Porn
-
To Live and Shave in LA
Mad Jack 2:Beyond Thunderbone
(both actual porn movies)
-
Riding Miss Daisy
Glazing Faces
Orifice Space
The Golden Shower Girls
Harper Valley POA
Silver Spooge
The Dong Show
For Love Or Money Shot
-
(both actual porn movies)
and I'm not even going to question your credibility on knowing that.
-
(both actual porn movies)
and I'm not even going to question your credibility on knowing that.
On Golden Blonde
-
Riding Miss Daisy
Glazing Faces
Orifice Space
The Golden Shower Girls
Harper Valley POA
Silver Spooge
The Dong Show
For Love Or Money Shot
Why do I get the sense you only needed to open your desk drawer to find these titles?
-
Pon Farr Trek 3: The Search for Cock
Pon Farr Trek 5: The Anal Frontier
Pon Farr Trek 6: The Undiscovered C*nt
Pon Farr Trek 7: Penetrations
Pon Farr Trek 8: First C*ntact
Pon Farr Trek 9: Insurrsextion
Pon Farr Trek X: Nemesex
-
Riding Miss Daisy
Glazing Faces
Orifice Space
The Golden Shower Girls
Harper Valley POA
Silver Spooge
The Dong Show
For Love Or Money Shot
Why do I get the sense you only needed to open your desk drawer to find these titles?
Well, not necessarily my desk drawer. They're all in a couple of boxes in the closet. If Only Jr. Mrs. C knew what was in all those boxes in the garage, he'd have a field day. We wouldn't likely see him for a couple weeks. :lol
-
Schindler's Fist
-
In Diana Jones
Star Whores Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Black
-
Eight Men In
Three Men and a Babe
Bevery Hills Cock
Ernest Goes to a Swinger Club
Peggy Sue Got Gangbanged
Sperms of Endearment
Look Who's Talking with Her Mouth Full
Pretty Woman II: Stank Ho
Beauty and the Breast
Titty Slickers
The Bootyguard
Pocahotass
Men in Black Chicks
Planet of the Gapes
My Big Fat Greek Slut
Close Encounters of the Third Input
-
BraveCunt
Deep Impact (Theatrical Trailer Change Only)
Field of Creams
Bull Dickem's
The Swallowers Apprentice
-
Shaving ryans privates (saving private Ryan)
Forrest hump
The good the bad and the ugly (doesn't even need changing)
Tit-tanic
The kings breach
-
Lara Croft: Womb Raider
The Girl Who Licked the Hornets Nest
The Dark Night
Conception
Seven Sodomites
Shaving Private Ryan ninja'd
Sack to the Future
Czechoslovakian Beauty
To Penetrate a Mockingbird
Requiem for a Cream
Nan's Labyrinth
A Beautiful Hind
Toy Story
-
A Quiver Runs Through It
E.T. the Extra Testicle
Ace Ventura...Pet My Rectum
Black Cock Down
My Big Fat Greek Whore
Children of the Porn
Tea Bagger Vance
Ass Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Brown Eye
Glad He Ate Her
Batman In Robin
Sorest Rump
A Clockwork Orgy
Gangbangs of New York
How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon
Throbbin' Hood (Prince of Beaves)
Lord Of The G-Strings
Hannah Does Her Sisters
Mr. Holland's Anus
White Men Can't Hump
Swallow Hal
Young Spankenstein
Buffy The Vampire Layer
School of Cock
101 Masturbations
Evil Head
-
The Vaginator
-
You are all a sick bunch of individuals.
Keep em coming!!!
-
A Cockwork Orange
Dancer on the Dick (Dancer in the Dark)
-
Lord of the Cream Pies
St. Elmo's Crotch Fire
Beverly Hills Copulation
Dances With She Males
The French Tickler
The Whores of Madison County
The Wet Bitches of Eastwick
The Big Chubb
-
A Few Depraved Women
Jeremiah's Johnson.
-
The Last of the Bukkake's
-
Dream Theater: Scored!
Dream Theater: Live from Bootykan
Dream Theater: Live Scenes From a Porno In New York
-
Steamy America: Wood Please
-
Mad Maxine: The Road Whorrier
-
Hogans Hooters
The Lick my Dyck Show
The Hornymooners
I Dream of Genitals
Little Whore on the Prarie
The Last American Hermaphradite
-
The little Shop of Whores
Porn Trek - Into Darkness
-
Hairy Poon and the Sorcerer's Bone
-
(both actual porn movies)
and I'm not even going to question your credibility on knowing that.
Old school ones too, on VHS, with a plot and everything!!!!
-
(both actual porn movies)
and I'm not even going to question your credibility on knowing that.
Old school ones too, on VHS, with a plot and everything!!!!
No doubt starring Harry Reams. And a lot of other things that are 'hairy' I'm sure.
-
Juan Spewed Over the Cuckold's Chest
-
The Great Gags Me
-
Juan Spewed Over the Cuckold's Chest
:clap:
-
Eight Men In
Three Men and a Babe
Bevery Hills Cock
Ernest Goes to a Swinger Club
Peggy Sue Got Gangbanged
Sperms of Endearment
Look Who's Talking with Her Mouth Full :lol :lol
Pretty Woman II: Stank Ho
Beauty and the Breast
Titty Slickers
The Bootyguard
Pocahotass
Men in Black Chicks
Planet of the Gapes
My Big Fat Greek Slut
Close Encounters of the Third Input
Going with quantity AND quality, Coz gets it. I lost it with the bolded one, especially 'talking with her mouth full'.
-
:lol Thanks.
Topic: Commandments that didn't make it into the "Top 10" list
-
Thou shall not take one's back scratcher and scrub thy nuts.
-
Thou shalt not run with scissors.
Thou shalt not pick it or it will never heal.
-
Your call Coz... but we did something like this already.
Pointless (pointless being the operative word) additions to the Ten Commandments.
-
Ahh, okay, I didn't read back through all of it. Lemme find something else...
-
TOPIC: Rejected Massengill Scents
-
Scent of 'ass and balls'.
Warning: Side effects may include, but are not limited to - overbearing behavior, blue facial hair, musical ADD, and the constant desire to work with Neal Morse.
-
(https://www.newshustler.com/wp-content/plugins/rss-poster/cache/bbb8f_New%2BCar%2BScent%2Bmagic%2Btree.jpg)
-
Anheuser :thursday:
-
Lily of the Valley
This probably makes me laugh much harder than it should.
-
Anheuser :thursday:
In honor of jingle.boy's excellent answer:
(https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRB70eijXjHRTLBOT6Kn4yp_Z1IvhynfRh-_ljBVD2Zabpcq8GJrw)
and
(https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRj18whRzK4D55pgaXizerp0NAkPT0i34ClWX4i0icTKHfJgVhJ4Q)
-
Mom's apple pie
Dad's pipe tobacco
-
TOPIC: Rejected Massengill Scents
DEAD FISH
-
Kimchi Cornucopia
-
Vegemite
Sperms of Endearment
-
TOPIC: Rejected Massengill Scents
Your Mom.
-
Pit n' Crack
-
Klingon Gagh
-
Prune.
-
Bacon blue cheeseburger farts
-
Since I won't be on much, I'll say that though Schlitz, Vegemite, and Kimchi Cornucopia were pretty funny, I LOL'd at
Your Mom.
So King's up. PM Sent.
-
Woot!
Standings
jingle.boy - 5
kingshmegland - 5
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TempusVox -2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Sir GuitarCozmo
Something not good for getting rid of ear wax.
-
The Queen's tongue
A Monkey's dick (picture it)
Flo-bee
-
Sulfuric acid
A drill
A scorpion
Pipe cleaners
Barbed wire
A midget, a chisel, and a ball peen hammer
-
A NASA space station
-
Marsellus Wallace's goons with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.
A toilet plunger
-
Vacuum cleaner
-
6 oz Trebel Hook
-
An irritated Praying Mantis
-
More ear wax.
Your dick.
-
A black hole.
-
Your dick.
King lives in Nantucket?
-
Your dick.
King lives in Nantucket?
I'd be a rich dick that had some weird as ear plugs then.
-
A corkscrew wine bottle opener
-
Your dick.
You mean all these years my Dr. has been.....
Never mind.
-
Your mom
-
A 350lb crack whore
-
A pooper scooper
-
Fill a condom with battery acid, poke a hole in the tip, and then gently squirt into ear canal.
-
A midget, a chisel, and a ball peen hammer
Just the visual in my mind had me in stitches. Winna!
-
Standings
jingle.boy - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -3
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Sir GuitarCozmo-1
Very Short Books...
-
Women Explained
-
Famous Jewish Sports Legends
-
My Days of Sobriety --- Willie Nelson
Drew Carrey's Best Jokes
Jon Stewart's Compliments for Conservatives
Tools for Midgets to Remove Earwax
Everything We Know About Directing -- Michael Bay and George Lucas
-
Tom Cruise - My life with the bible.
-
Catcher i
Slaught
Of Mic
The Canterb
Hucklebe
Death of
-
Shaving Tips from Billy Gibbons
Shaving Tips from Dusty Hill
Maple Leaf Stanley Cups of the last 50 years
Skip Bayless' Wittiest Remarks
-
Successful Pick Up Lines from DreamTheaterForums :neverusethis:
-
Couch potato by Kingshmegland
-
Famous Jewish Sports Legends
Dammit I was going to post that very thing!
'My Life with Dream Theater' by Kevin Moore.
'John Myung: An Autobiography'
-
Famous Jewish Sports Legends
Dammit I was going to post that very thing!
:lol it was the first thing to come to mind.
-
Tips for a Successful Marriage by Bill Clinton
A Vegetarian Cookbook by Jeffrey Dahmer
-
"How I Left Dream Theater and DIDN'T Get Into Avenged Sevenfold" by Mike Portnoy
-
How to Win The World Series - The Chicago Cubs
-
"The Collected After-Dinner Speeches of John Myung"
-
"Rock Stars I Didn't F*ck - A Retrospective" - Pamela Anderson
-
"The Collected After-Dinner Speeches of John Myung"
I hope this one wins. :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
My Life - Marcel Marceau.
-
The Extensive Sexual Escapades of Thumb Dick, Lord of the Poonie
-
"The Collected After-Dinner Speeches of John Myung"
I hope this one wins. :rollin :rollin :rollin
Catcher i
Slaught
Of Mic
The Canterb
Hucklebe
Death of
I don't know, I found these clever and :lol
-
Kenny Rogers' Guide to Finding a Good Plastic Surgeon
Yngvie Malmsteen's Healthy Recipe's
Rob Ford's Techniques to Avoid a Political Scandal
-
Funny female comedians
-
Funny female comedians
Even my wife agrees with this. :biggrin:
-
Shaving Tips from Billy Gibbons
Shaving Tips from Dusty Hill
Maple Leaf Stanley Cups of the last 50 years
Skip Bayless' Wittiest Remarks
There were quite a few good ones, but any of these took it actually. PM sent.
-
Damn, I just thought of a good one. "You Can't Explain That!: Things Bill O'Reily Can't Explain"
-
Standings
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -3
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Sir GuitarCozmo-1
What not to say on a job interview
-
"I see your face cleared up."
"Can I smell your crotch? Or is that your feet that stink?"
-
I'm here for the gangbang.
-
Shit, do I have any coke on my nose?
Are these chairs waterproof?
I'm here for the gangbang.
Unless the interview is for Zydar. Then you've probably got the job.
-
Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual.
-
How should I take your wife's comment last night of "I've never had it like that before"?
-
I wish I was a loofah.
-
Wow...I can't believe my parole officer actually set this up.
-
"Wanna see something really gross?" [maniacal laughter]
"Wow, do you work out?"
"I'm between drumming gigs right now so I won't be able to stay long."
-
So what does your company do?
Can I log onto the DT Forums from here?
Is that picture your mother or your wife?
So, have you banged the secretary yet? I would.
During the summer can I have every Friday off?
-
How far is the closest liquor store?
-
Is that your daughter, damn she's stacked.
I got the weirdest boner right now.
-
Coworkers always give me a hard time. But that's alright, I typically hide it pretty well
-
I tend to get homicidal when I don't get my way, so can I start tomorrow?
-
So who do I have to :censored in order to run this joint?
-
Dude, pull my finger......
-
Wanna see my third nipple?
-
*pant* Hey, *pant* if any cops show up here *pant* asking for me, I was *pant* never here, okay? *pant*
-
Yeah nice to meet you as well....listen, before we start let me tell you I've never slept with a girl as flexible as your daughter....
-
"..and I can play up to ten billion notes per second, but people usually die, so I like to just shred it up around eight thousand.."
-
Dude, wanna smoke some bud?
(come to think of it, I've had a few bosses where that would have gotten me the job)
-
I'm here for the gangbang.
Unless the interview is for Zydar. Then you've probably got the job.
:zydarscouch:
-
My greatest weakness???
Probably beastiality
-
My greatest strength?
Probably bestiality
-
I can lift 70 pounds with my penis.
-
"Oh, so you're THE boss!! Nice to meet you!! my name is Mike Litoris and I'm the madafaka who's gonna own your business when you SUDDENLY die"
-
The only reference your getting from me is my :censored in your :censored
-
Dude, who cut your hair?
-
The 1-2 post from seneca and soundgarden had me :lol'g the most. So, who to give it to... the first one, or the thief who stole the idea right from after him.
hhhmmmm....
There's no shame in 'drafting' behind someone, and snatching victory right from underneath them..
My greatest strength?
Probably bestiality
-
Woot, to the thief goes the spoils!
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -3
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Sir GuitarCozmo-1
soundgarden - 1
Things not to say when breaking an awkward silence.
-
Happy Vlasto Day!
Did you just fart?
Titty sprinkles
-
When hugging a child, always make sure their parents are present.
Man I love that new Queensryche album, Frequency Unknown.
Turkey bacon is the bomb.
-
Damn, I got the weirdest boner
-
Have you ever had the not so fresh feeling?
-
"During awkward silences I always imagine the other person's naked..."
-
Before I hit 'send' on this email...can someone give me an accurate definition of "child pron"?
-
*whispers* "The voices don't like you"
or...
Wanna see my third nipple?
-
Milk it baby, MILK IT!!!
<That's both a 'scene', and a comment to Jay.>
-
They say human flesh is delicious
-
...so, do you know what a Cleveland Steamer is?
-
...so, do you know what a Cleveland Steamer is?
I think it's what you do after playing a rusty trombone
-
...so, do you know what a Cleveland Steamer is?
I think it's what you do after playing a rusty trombone
.....in preparation for the Dirty Sanchez
-
:rollin
You guys... :lol
-
can you give my my suppository?
so... How many people have YOU killed?
-
Do you people spit or swallow?
-
Is it possible to have a "No Pants Friday" at the workplace?
-
"So I was in the middle of shagging this elderly woman in an alley the other day, and you'll never guess who I ran into!"
-
What's black and blue, and hates sex?
That's right, the 10 year old in my trunk!
Have you seen my dildo recently? I could have sworn I left it somewhere around here.
-
.....so as far as genital warts are concerned.....how's THIS cluster rank?
-
Have we gotten a lock on my spaceship's homing beacon yet?
-
I always try to pull out, before she wakes up.
-
Yes, Charles Manson is a reference.
-
Whats the difference between a pedophile and a Formula 1 driver? Well i'm not a formula 1 driver.
-
Ooh, damn burritos...
-
..[ahem]...anywho, does it like to put the lotion on it's skin?
-
..[ahem]...anywho, does it like to put the lotion on it's skin?
ha, ok this is winner
you're up :)
-
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -3
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
Sir GuitarCozmo-1
soundgarden - 1
Podaar - 1
Bad parenting moments.
-
Go feed that bear some honey Mikey!!
-
Kim Kardashian's conception.
-
Kim Kardashian's conception.
This makes my heart warm..........
-
Try to incorporate a little more tongue, and then I'll give you your allowance!
-
No no son; that's a Cleveland Steamer. *This*, is a Rusty Trombone.
-
No Klara, leave little Adolf in the cellar - time alone in the dark will develop character. If he gets thirsty, there is plenty of cider down there. What's the worst that could happen - he ends up hating juice?
-
Go feed that bear some honey Mikey!!
And real life creeps in.....
https://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2000-36.html (https://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2000-36.html)
-
"He touched you where?! And you didn't ask for money afterward?!?!"
-
Paris, we bought you a new video camera for your birthday! It even has a cool night vision feature!
-
Now son, if you cut the dope with baby laxative, you can double your profits easily.
-
And this next one, a personal favorite of mine, is called Bad Romance.
-
By the lack of responses I guess that was a pretty lame "scene" but kudos to those who participated for sticking with it. I'd like to give a shout-out to jingle for the comedy call back which is a fine technique but this one made me laugh out loud.
Paris, we bought you a new video camera for your birthday! It even has a cool night vision feature!
I don't know what frightens me more; that Cozmo seems to know so much about fifth-tier celebrities or that I get his references!
Your up Coz!
-
Woohoo!
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -3
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Podaar - 1
Things you can say about your car, but not your girlfriend.
-
She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've made a lot of special modifications myself.
And when you put your dipstick down that hole, it's a bad sign if it comes up dark.
I prefer a little junk in the trunk.
-
Damn, I wish someone else had submitted this one. Are we allowed to comment on our own topics?
-
Why not .. But you can't win. I'd do it at the end tho, in case someone does have your idea.
-
Damn this is dirty. I should take it in for a wash..
-
Wow! You could fit six in there!
Man, she can really take a beating.
Wow! She is Ram tough!
It's compact, but makes a hell of a noise.
She's got dual air bags, heated seat, and a cup holder.
She's for sale, if you're interested...call me!
She can really burn rubber.
I like to go downtown, and take her top off.
I let my family take her for a spin once in a while.
She's only five years old.
She looks better with the top off.
My wife bought her for me as a gift.
I got her used, and you can really see the wear and tear from the previous owner.
I bought her off some guy on the internet.
If you think this one's nice, you should see the other ones I have at home.
-
So what do you think of that rimjob?
-
Sometimes, me and the boys will all just pile in at once.
Only costs $40 to fill 'er up.
My dad has the same model, just a few years younger.
Yes, it IS a hybrid.
I had one of these when I was a teenager. It was a helluva lot hotter and sexier back then.
-
Last winter, three Mexicans in a Toyota cornholed her on the interstate and barely left a mark.
She may be old but she's made a lot of money for me. I almost hate to trade her in for a newer one.
I've had to eat a lot of Top Ramen to be able to afford her.
I hate that I chose black. I just can't keep her clean!
Don't laugh, Buddy. That sucker's turbocharged.
It's not the years that wore her down. It's the mileage.
-
Fuck dumping a bunch of cash into a new model, I'm driving this piece of shit till it dies on the road.
I like it better with the bra on. (this one's for you Coz)
-
I quit trying to get the stains out...no matter what they just end up back there thicker and stickier.
It'd take a lot of effort to roll this baby over...
Yeah, her back seat has a bunch of cracks and hair on it. Mostly from letting the dog get his jollies off riding back there.
-
Yesterday I let our eight year old son drive her around, just for shits and giggles.
-
This ride gets me trim.
I paid $20,000 and I get to ride her all the time.
That color makes that ride look fat.
-
I wish Thelma and Louise would take her for a little ride.
-
(while beating on hood)
You stupid fucking piece of shit!!! Why, for once in your miserable existence, won't you just simply work!!!!
Yeah, the semi totaled it, but whatever. Fucking thing was useless to me anyways, gonna take the insurance money and blow it on coke and a hooker.
-
I don't like to admit it to many folks, but I LOVE driving a stick!! Just grabbing that shaft and thrusting it back and forth....something about it really strikes deep in me.
-
She was making a weird noise, so I changed her oil.
-
That's the last time I'm going American. It's fucking Jap models from here on out....
-
I love this younger model
Trust, me all the power is in the rear!
She has 4 entrances
-
When conditions are wet and sloppy she's real tough to handle. Probably due to her being bald all over.
-
Sure, she backfires a lot more than you'd expect - loud too - but I had my guy get up in there and perform a real thorough check, and he says there's nothing to worry about.
-
To get back at me for a practical joke, my buddy rammed a potato in her exhaust pipe. I was 3 hours late for work digging it out.
-
Damn, there were some excellent responses this round. While I initially thought that
She's only five years old.
couldn't be topped, along came this:
Last winter, three Mexicans in a Toyota cornholed her on the interstate and barely left a mark.
Winner, winner, taco dinner.
-
Yeah, once I read that one, I knew I was posting for laughs.
-
Wow! Twice in one week... Fun fact, I've actually said the winning line about my pickup!
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -3
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Milton-Bradley board games that never made it to production.
-
Escape the Plague
-
Sorry (...that I touched you there. Shhh, don't tell your mom)
-
Connect 1
Hungry Hungry Mama Cass
Triple Bypass Operation
Nahtzee
Barrel of Piranha
Candy Striperland
Stratego: Princess Bride Edition
Battleship: Somalia
-
Hungry Bimbos
-
Nahtzee
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Nahtzee
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
(https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5237348096/hA6E53C7C/)
Also
(https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2760/4440395726_850c2e0835.jpg)
-
Swear to God, I'd never seen those before now. That's awesome.
-
Swear to God, I'd never seen those before now. That's awesome.
(https://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28905369.jpg)
-
Hungry, Hungry Whores
Barrel of Boogers.
Dictionary
-
Swear to God, I'd never seen those before now. That's awesome.
(https://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28905369.jpg)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjuKABU-XPY
-
Communist Monopoly
Life: PMS Edition.... Where you always do the wrong thing
-
Sherman Logs.......build a mini log cabin then burn it to the ground.
Includes an erector set that you can twist the rails so it won't function
-
Jew-mangi
-
Pricktionary
Twist Her
Skanks and Lepers
-
Gerbil in the Pants
-
Thomas the Tranny Engine
-
I'll be away for the rest of the day and won't get a chance to choose a winner until this evening. Maybe we'll get some more entries in the meantime.
-
Don't Wake Deadbeat Daddy!
Slap The Ho!
Fuck You! (sequel to Sorry!)
Welfare Office
Smack and Needles
Fenestration
Retard
No Shit Sherlock!
-
Battle Tits
-
Operation: Dawn Of The Dead Version
You will eat it up!
-
Pronopoly
Cleveland Steamies
Rusty's Trombone
-
:lol
Cleveland Steamies
jingle, we keep trying to make this one stick don't we? But, I'm afraid it's just becoming funny only to us (with the possible exception of Gary). That's why this round goes to:
Fenestration
I spit my margarita into my wastepaper bin when I read that.
TempusVox is our winner!
-
:lol
Cleveland Steamies
jingle, we keep trying to make this one stick don't we? But, I'm afraid it's just becoming funny only to us (with the possible exception of Gary)
I was close to throwing the 'Dirty Sanchez' in there......but I think that actuly IS a game Latin American kids play
-
Wow thanks!
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
DebraKadabra - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
The opening line to the worlds worst stand-up routine.
-
"I'm not usually very funny, but there was a stage and a mic and I had some free time, so I figured what the fuck."
-
Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States.....
-
Hi I'm *insert females name here*
Hey everyone! I'm Russell Kane!
-
Hey, who here likes British humor?
-
Evening everyone. My name is Geoff Tate, and we're gonna do Operatione:Mindcrime tonight. Who wants to record it on their cell phone? Anyone?
-
"So how about that Columbine shooting?"
-
Thank you...thank you. Hello there, my name is Tad Cummings....I'm high on Meth and my breath is probably going to smell like that homeless man in the Alley's butt hole.
-
"Good evening everyone! I just flew in from LA and it was a long flight. I'm well rested though."
-
Hello there....yah.....ummm please excuse this large goiter and seeping fluid, I've bee in Tijuana the past three weeks and have ingested large quantities of Rum, Tequila and Syphylis.
-
Am I a comedian?? Far from it. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
-
"I'm not usually very funny, but there was a stage and a mic and I had some free time, so I figured what the fuck."
There were some really good ones, but KM reference for the win. :)
-
Awesome! :victorydance:
Le standings....
jingle.boy - 6
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
With it coming up.... terrible Father's Day gifts.
*NOTE* This round will go until I get off work early Tuesday morning.
-
Divorce papers.
-
Paternity suit from High School girlfriend, 20 years later
-
An appearance on the Maury Povich show.
-
The clap.
-
Glam Rock Cod Piece
Toupee
Cubs Tickets
Cleveland Browns Tickets
NY Jets Tickets
Dallas Cowboys Tickets
Case of Beano
6 Pack of Zima
-
Turkey Bacon
Tateryche tickets
And, for what I promise is the last time....
Cleveland Steamer
-
Too much teeth.
-
Getting cornholed by three Mexicans in a Toyota on the interstate.
;)
-
A happy grandfather's day card.
-
A broken condom
-
Getting cornholed by three Mexicans in a Toyota on the interstate.
This may be the new go-to answer.
On topic:
A positive pregnancy test.
A Nickelback CD
-
A case of Febreze
A bottle of Scope
A hearing aid
(https://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51SMctKpLIL._SX342_.jpg)
(https://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/300799/slide_300799_2524826_free.jpg?1370278020531)
-
Ok, one last one because I couldn't resist.
(https://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/7526/slide_7526_99822_large.jpg?1370875521291)
-
A sex change operation.
Hair dye.
-
A pack of Blonde Betty
Testicle piercing gift certificate
-
Finding 'misplaced' or hidden paper work that confirms explicitly you are infertile, that your swimmers can't swim.
-
Butt sex with a man named 'Big Jim'
-
A 2-on-1 lap dance from Honey Boo-Boo's mom and that dance captain bitch.
-
Boxing lessons from Mike Tyson
-
Sponge Bob silk shorts.
-
Twilight trilogy marathon on blu-ray
Your team signing Tim Tebow
-
Twilight trilogy marathon on blu-ray
Your team signing Tim Tebow
Your mother.
-
Your team signing Tim Tebow
:rollin :rollin :rollin
-
*buzzer sound*
While there were some really good ones, this one takes it:
Your team signing Tim Tebow
:lol :lol :lol
You're up, dude!
-
Agreed, timing was perfect!!!
-
mmmmm... King's misery is my victory!!! :takesbow:
Stack Rankings
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheLordOfTheStrings- 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
<fill in the blank> For Dummies
-
Dummies for Dummies
-
Your mom for dummies
-
Breathing for Dummies
-
Breathing for Dummies
Ninja'd....dang.
How about....
Digestion for Dummies
-
Attention Whoring for Dummies. Authored by Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. Foreword by Amanda Bynes.
-
General Managing for Dummies - by Bill Belichick
-
Surprise Buttseks for Dummies, by Wrong Hole Williams
-
Surprise Buttseks for Dummies, by Wrong Hole Williams
Surprise MF!! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CfNarCjSHM)
-
:lol :tup
-
Chad you son of a ....... :lol
Quarterback for Dummies.
Nose picking for Dummies.
Ball scratching for Dummies.
-
How to avoid being corn holed by three Mexicans on the Interstate for Dummies
-
The Art of the Rusty Trombone for Dummies
-
Vlasto Day for Dummies
-
Vlasto Day for Dummies
That's twice now masterthes....you're ninja suit is extra dark today. Logged back on to post something similar. :justjen
-
Prog for Dummies, in 16/20 volumes
-
Breaking Wind for Dummies, with special chapter dedicated to 'Silent but Deadly'
-
Bellybutton Lint Flicking for Dummies
-
How to avoid being corn holed by three Mexicans on the Interstate for Dummies
Cornholing Mexicans for Dummies
-
Fun With Crazy Glue for Dummies
-
Cutting Grass For Estúpidos
-
Cutting Grass For Estúpidos
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Crash Test Dummies for Dummies.
-
Cutting Grass For Estúpidos
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
;)
-
Dyslexia for Dumys.
-
Killing Jeff Dunham for Dummies
-
Opening Doors for Dummies
-
DTF Forums for Dummies
-
Being an asshole for Dummies. By Geoff Tate.
Ding-a-ding-dang-my-dang-a-long-ling-long for Dummies. By Gibby Haynes and Al Jourgensen.
-
Probably okay to post the pic inline, but figured I'd be safe and post the link.
https://i.imgur.com/bYeVgIx.jpg
-
Probably okay to post the pic inline, but figured I'd be safe and post the link.
https://i.imgur.com/bYeVgIx.jpg
Sasha Grey aught to know! ;)
-
Probably okay to post the pic inline, but figured I'd be safe and post the link.
https://i.imgur.com/bYeVgIx.jpg
Shasha Grey aught to know! ;)
I think I'm most disturbed that you recognized her instantly!
King was close, and might have had the bounce-back victory if he'd gone with the flip-side, and "Contract Signings for Dummies".
Here's your winner.
Cutting Grass For Estúpidos
-
I think I'm most disturbed that you recognized her instantly!
I'm not sure how to feel about you knowing that I was correct--almost instantly. But, I'm feeling a little stirring...you know...down there. *nods suggestively*
-
I think I'm most disturbed that you recognized her instantly!
I'm not sure how to feel about you knowing that I was correct--almost instantly. But, I'm feeling a little stirring...you know...down there. *nods suggestively*
I was only assuming you knew you were correct. As for that stirring...
(https://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li6p1ptgFf1qi6re3o1_500.jpg)
-
:omg: You look just like George Costanza
-
Edit, my bad...
-
Yeah!
Stack Rankings
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TheLordOfTheStrings- 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Bad times to break into song...
GO!
-
"MOOOOOOOOOOOON RIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-
"MOOOOOOOOOOOON RIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ya ever do time doc? :biggrin:
TSA Official: Sir, I'm just going to reach under your belt.
Me: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, now touch me babe!
Mr. Johnson, I understand you've prepared your own vows?
Too all the girls I've loved before....
Oh yeah honey, right there! Don't stop.
Oooooh-oooh that smell! Can't you smell that smell??? :(
-
Standing at the urinal in the stadium toilet. "OOOOOOOOoooooh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!"
-
When a police officer asked for your license and reregistration.
-
Break into 'Jessie's Girl' while shagging your wife.....
Break into 'You Down with O.P.P' while shagging your neighbors wife....
-
At a Red Cross Flood Shelter..."If it keeps on rainin', the levee's gonna break..."
-
Not many responses, but that's okay cause we have a winner!
Break into 'Jessie's Girl' while shagging your wife.....
Da winnah!
-
Not many responses, but that's okay cause we have a winner!
Break into 'Jessie's Girl' while shagging your wife.....
Da winnah!
Sweet... :metal I was beginning to think I'd never get on the board....
Stack Rankings
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
TheLordOfTheStrings- 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
gmillerdrake - 1
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Akward or Unusual Sex Education Advice to give to your kids as they mature into adoloesence....
:loser: .. Engage
-
"Stay off the Interstate."
"Your pecker is too small Son. If your ever going to please someone you're going to need to use your tongue effectively. Here, I'll show you."
"You only need to wear a rubber when it rains."
"A cork is just as effective!"
"You can practice on the pig." Which is usually followed by: "Hang on Son! She's headed for the rhubarb!"
-
If you're gonna use apple pie, wait until it's cooled down a little.
Sweetheart, one day you'll find a lack of gag reflex will be a wonderful tool to get what you want.
Always remember son ... TWO in the pink; ONE in the stink.
Smell's like fish; tastes like chicken.
-
And remember, use the chloroform THEN pull down your pants. If you do it the other way around, you're getting 15 years.
Never ask for proof of age. It's called plausible deniability.
If it turns out she is pre-op, just pay her and leave quietly without making a scene.
-
Remember son when climaxing write your name in Old English Text on her flat stomach.
-
"And above all else son, never forget... when the red river's a-flowin, always take the brown road home"
-
Music on your first time? Sure sweetie, nothing wrong with that.
Which song? Doesn't really matter.
No, not that one... at least, not unless his name actually is "Jesse".
-
You say his name is Zydar? I'm sorry, there is nothing I can say to prepare you.
-
"And above all else son, never forget... when the red river's a-flowin, always take the brown road home"
Every entry was funny....but this sounds more like some sort of perverted fortune cookie....this is the Winner!!!!
-
Stack Rankings
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
TheLordOfTheStrings - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
gmillerdrake - 1
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
BlobVanDam - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Rejected Kiss persona ideas.. (I.E. The Demon, The Fox, The Alien, The Rockstar, etc)
-
The Fudgepacker
-
The Wallet.
-
The Jakalope
-
Paul Lynde.
-
The Priest
-
The Clap
-
The Ratt
The Monkey
The Beatle
The Drummer
The Black Guy
-
The Pastor
The Unic
The 'Stub'
-
The DTFer
-
The Black Guy
Bahahahaha! This is hilarious! I can just picture the drummer up there with just a black painted face. :rollin :rollin
You win.
-
The musician. :\
-
The Talent :yeahright
-
I just missed it. My submission would've been "The Jew".
The musician. :\
The Talent :yeahright
This was a good Kiss album:
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/65/KISS_My_Ass_cover.jpg)
-
Thanks, TheLordOfTheStrings!
Updated standings-
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TempusVox -4
TheLordOfTheStrings - 4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
gmillerdrake - 1
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
World's worst superheroes.
-
Polka-man
Colostomy-girl
The Vole
Imp-O-Tense
-
PMS Woman
Pedobear
Vanilla Ice Man
:vanillaice:
-
Captain Herpes
Auditorman
The Incredible Taxidermist
Matter Eater Lad
Bizarro Hitler
Dr. Street Vendor
Robin
Viscous Goo Girl
SuperGandhi
-
Captain Nap
Super Scared Shitless
The Wealking and his sidekick Sissy Pants
-
The Wealking and his sidekick Sissy Pants
Who's catch phrase is, "Wah, wah, sissy, la-la."
Sorry for the assist, but I couldn't help myself.
On topic: The Trembler
-
Erectile dysfunction man
Vegan Man
Quaalude
-
The Regurgitator
Irritable Bowel Man
Not So Fresh Woman
-
The Boar-hog Tit
-
Mexican Man, Mexican Man
Does whatever a Mexican can
That's not much, but he's still cool
And he takes up more than 50% of your school
Watch out! Here comes the Mexican Man!
-
Mexican Man, Mexican Man
Does whatever a Mexican can
That's not much, but he's still cool
And he takes up more than 50% of your school
Watch out! Here comes the Mexican Man!
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Seniõr Lupe and his team of Highway Cornholers
-
The Underwhelming Hack
Butterfly Man
Middle Aged Mutant Couch Potato Slug
-
Adolescent Genetically Altered Kung-Fu Terrapins
The League of Extraordinarily Under-Endowed Gentlemen
Tapirboy
Spider Man
Dr. Asparagus
Mr. Slightly Intriguing
-
Polka-Dot Man, Detective Comics #300
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polka-Dot_Man (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polka-Dot_Man)
(https://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090601004607/batman/images/5/5b/PolkaDotMan_03.jpg)
-
Dr. Octogenarian
-
Captain Exercise Richard Simmons
"Quick, reach into my spandex and grab my "Sweating to the Oldies" video and throw it at that villain!"
-
Inappropriate Erection Man.
-
Couch Potato Man. Defender of the Remote!
-
Master Bator
The Cunning Linguist; riding his trusty Camel, "Toe"
Mr. Fellator
-
Super Blob
-
Polka-Dot Man, Detective Comics #300
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polka-Dot_Man (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polka-Dot_Man)
(https://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090601004607/batman/images/5/5b/PolkaDotMan_03.jpg)
It is worth noting that my suggestion of Matter Eater Lad was a real superhero:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matter-Eater_Lad
Ziggy Turgidson and the League of Hong Kong Daredevils
Super Baby Daddy
Nougat Girl
Dr. Capybera
Batman
The Green Prog Nerd
The Incredible Mr. Nickelback
-
The Incredible Sulk - Cries, whines, mopes, and bitches all day, every day.
Long Toenail Man - Able to climb virtually anything, after he takes off his shoes and socks.
Part-Time Job Boy- Has a part-time job that keeps him busy whenever trouble strikes. Sort of like Clark Kent. He's never around when trouble strikes either, but "Part-Time Job Boy" doesn't show up as an alter ego, hero.
Sweat Girl - Sweats profusely, constantly; to the point of amused distraction; which confuses enemies.
STD Woman - Armed with and ready to spread virtually every STD throughout the city as needed. HPV, Herpes, even crabs...she's got it all.
The Genital Wart - Is it a life sized genital wart that looks human, or a deformed human that looks like a genital wart? Who knows? Who cares!?? The Genital Wart hangs around with STD Woman regularly.
The Ear Hair- Mild, mannered "sixty-something" , Harold Krempcheck. Wears a red and blue spandex suit with a head piece that covers his entire head and face with the exception of his ears, which sprout around 6 inches of nasty, ear-wax-ridden, grayish-yellow ear hair. Sweat Girl thinks he's "Nasty as fuck!"
-
She-Man
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Mexican Man, Mexican Man
Does whatever a Mexican can
That's not much, but he's still cool
And he takes up more than 50% of your school
Watch out! Here comes the Mexican Man!
This doesn't seem to be from anything else from what I can tell, so I have to go with this gem. You win.
-
My friend and I made that song up in the 8th grade! hahaha.
Wow, that's three times in a row! I'm on fire. hahaha.
Updated standings-
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
gmillerdrake - 1
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Mexican Man's Sidekick and his (the sidekick's) catchphrase!
-
Mustachio Psyduck. "Psy ay ay ay ay ay Ay, caramba! "
GOD that's bad.
-
A nice long 20 min day...Time for a break!
-
The Sombrero Shadow: Time for a Siesta Smackdown!
-
one for all, and all for Juan!
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The Cunning Linguist, whose catchphrase is
(https://media.247sports.com/Uploads/Assets/8/524/524008.gif)
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El Emen Opee. Whose catchphrase is 'Now you'll come an sing with ME!"
-
Dirty Sanchez.........."That'll cost you $50"
Rusty Trombone........"You wanna touch my skin flute?"
-
Poncho Pinyata........."me no hablo"
-
Meximus Prime - "Transform and cross the border!"
El Stinko - "oops!"
Mex Luthor - "Kryp-to-niiiite!"
Mex Lightyear - "To America, and beyond!"
-
Obesos Blanco Hijo de Puta - "Les take our cunt-ree back."
-
El Contralmirante Temida (The Dreaded Rear Admiral) - "I AM CORNHOLIO!"
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Die Arie Ahh ... Would you like a glass of water?
-
Jumping Bean ..... You can't stop me, you can only hope to contain me
-
Super Mex's trusty sidekick, Hot Sauce- "Not my yob jefe...."
-
Seniōr Michael......."I did all I could, it's not my fault"
-
Justice Scalia -- "No my yob jefe..."
-
Dirty Sanchez.........."That'll cost you $50"
Dirty Sanchez takes it! :rollin
-
Dirty Sanchez.........."That'll cost you $50"
Dirty Sanchez takes it! :rollin
Woo Hoo :metal Mr. Sanchez finally earns a 'W'......ha ha ha
Updated standings-
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 3
Scorpion - 3
gmillerdrake - 2
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Excuse(s) you can't "perform" in bed.....
-
"How do you expect me to sport wood right after a dirty sanchez?"
"Sorry, I just fapped."
When the Mrs finally agrees to role play, and shows wanting to be "driven" like Miss Daisy.
-
"How do you expect me to sport wood right after a dirty sanchez?"
:rollin :lol.....unreal Chad...that is great!
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Sorry, I just watched the 1 ton teen, there is not a chance in hell I'm getting this up.
-
Sorry, I've got... herpes.
(isn't that everyone's excuse?)
-
I don't understand this round(?) ???
-
When your first offer of a 'menage' is from Patty and Selma Bouvier.
Husband: What the hell honey?
Wife: I thought you said yesterday this is what you wanted?
Husband: No, I said I was looking forward to seeing my old pal Tom Boan. His nick name is "Crusty"!
-
But Honey I Shrunk The Kids is on TV!
-
What's wrong? You're my wife, that's what's wrong...
-
Oooo, as tempting as that sounds Hon, my secretary already raised a blister this afternoon. Sorry.
-
Bump for a few more submissions....
-
DUDE! I'm 15!
-
DUDE! I'm 15!
That's a good one.
-
What's wrong? You're my wife, that's what's wrong...
This may be the only 'real' answer, DA Winna'
Chad, I wanted to give the homage to 'Rusty Trombone' but couldn't pull the trigger
-
Thanks man!!!
Updated standings-
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 4
Scorpion - 3
gmillerdrake - 2
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Things a dog will say after sniffing another dog's butt...
-
You're humans fed you taco meat last night?
-
Three Mexicans in a Toyota were just here, weren't they?
-
Whew.....it smells and looks like Mr. Hudson got whiskey drunk again last night, huh?
-
Woof woof. Arf. Woof.
-
Enchiladas? You must have been in Mexican Man's trash last night, huh?
-
Holy shit... I CAN TALK!
-
Why Fido...that's a really cool new black and white tattoo....
(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc126/nakedrider1/Random%20and%20Funny/sanchez.jpg) (https://media.photobucket.com/user/nakedrider1/media/Random%20and%20Funny/sanchez.jpg.html)
-
That reminds me. Honey! We need to buy toilet paper! We're almost out!
-
Oh geez dude, really!?!?! Wilnot's are the worst. Squeeze a little more next time, will ya?
-
I'm telling you man I have a nose for these things and you my friend have Distemper.
-
Got a little dysentery, do ya? I think I also saw a pocket watch up there.
-
Why the hell is there two inches of a beaded necklace hanging out of your bunghole?
-
Whew.....it smells and looks like Mr. Hudson got whiskey drunk again last night, huh?
Yeah, "whiskey drunk" won it hands down. You're up man...
-
Whiskey, when you want to win or just not give a :censored. Thanks Mr. Star of Lone.
Updated standings-
jingle.boy - 7
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 4
gmillerdrake - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
**EDIT**
Change of Scene....
Re-Name Movie Titles. Example...'Brokeback Mountain' could be 'Saddle Bags and Sausage, the tale of two guys..some whiskey and a tent'
-
Should I change the 'scene'? Does it suck?
-
Not knowing enough about US politics, I got nuthin
-
Throw Mama And Snakes From A Plane
-
Not knowing enough about US politics, I got nuthin
I did change that idea. Re read the new scene Chad. Maybe that'll get you firing some posts
-
Gotchya...
Non-Lethal Weapon, starring Usher and (in his acting debut), Justin Bieber.
Pulp-free Fiction... with all the really nasty parts filtered out.
The Touchables... follow Kevin Costner hunt down Al Copone - gangster, or pedophile?
Hot Air Balloons, Subways and Trucks ... they definitely don't make it home for Thanksgiving
Team Canada: World Police ... we'll just make you like us more. Canada! Sure, why not.
-
Forest gump: herp derp, shrimp, herp derp, vietnam, herp derp, ping pong
-
Black Guy Gets A Boner (The Dark Knight Rises)
;D
-
The Green Mile of Death
Sleepy Movie (Hollow)
The Fairy Godmother
-
Porn Wars I : The Phantom Penis
Porn Wars II : Attack Of The Dongs
Porn Wars III : Revenge Of The Clitoris
-
The Fantastic Four Actors Who Should Never Have Been Casted Together
Morgan Freeman Driving Some Rich White Bitch All Over Da Place
-
I think people are misunderstanding the theme...
-
I think people are misunderstanding the theme...
The theme was pretty vague, I think the submissions so far have been funny. Its all good. I'm gonna give it a few more hours but I have a favorite...
-
Brutha From Detroit Solves Murder in 90210
Nerdy Dude in Mid-Life Ain't Never Been Laid
-
A Fish Called Rwanda.
-
Pulp-free Fiction... with all the really nasty parts filtered out.
The Winna'....I laughed out loud at this one Chad.
LordoftheStrings....your Dark Night Rises reference was a VERY close second....
-
Blast! >:(
:tup :lol
-
Yippee!!! Updated standings
jingle.boy - 8
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
lonestar- 4
gmillerdrake - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's scene:
Pickup lines guaranteed to succeed/fail (your choice)
-
Me: So when are you going to take me out?
Girl: When are YOU going to take me out?!
Me: How about Friday night.
(True story that worked for me)
-
"I like Dream Theater"
(guaranteed to fail - sorry, I couldn't resist! :lol)
-
Man: That is such a beautiful dress!!
Woman: Why thank you!
Man: I think it'd look that much better on the floor of my bedroom....
Here's my true story:
I was 19 and in a car in the driveway of my house....sitting there making out with a girl I'd had a crush on for months....she was pretty hot.....EVERY guy I knew had the hots for her. We were sitting there and we'd go hot and heavy for a bit.....then stop and talk.....that continued for a good hour or so. She looked at me at one point and said "It's getting late, what do you want to do?".......I took a moment and then said "Honestly, I think we should get out of this car, go downstairs to my room...get naked and have some fun" :eek :eek
She looked at me and said "Yeah, that sounds like a good plan" Me-----> :omg:
Needless to say it was a fairly memorable night...
-
Wanna see my third nipple?
(it never gets old...)
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I have a penis, you have a vagina....lets put them to their natural use shall we?
-
Hi, I'm from DTF, wanna reproduce?
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Hi, my name is Nicky Spanjaards.
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Hi. What day of your cycle are you on? Just need to know if I should wrap him up or not.
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Oh, you won't have to wait for the outcry...
:neverusethis:
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I may not be your husband, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.....
-
This actually worked for me once. I was at a party and like 5 girls started crowding around me.
*in obnoxiously overly-excited voice* "DUUUDEE OMG DO YOU KNOW WHAT A POLY-RHYTHM IS???" *rants for 15 minutes explaining lowest common multiples and prog rock etc. while girls remained intrigued and interested and dude friends watch in awe*
-
Another true pick up line I used.
I was at a sorority party. It was a nut and bolt event. You paid $5 to get in and drink heir beer, They handed out a bolt to the guys. Different sizes and painted differently. So you would go around and talk to the girls and find the matching nut, (You get the pub right?) and try to hook up. Well, I heard a conversation from three girls talking and here how it went as I walked by.
Girl #1 - It's not the size, it's how they use it.
Well that got my attention!
Girl #2 - It's not the wand it's the magic in it.
Now I'm all excited.
Girl #3 - It's not the ocean, it's the motion.
Now all 3 girls bust out laughing and see me giggle. So they have these sly looks on their faces and ask me my name, Not even asking for my bolt. Well I answered as only a man could,
I said, "Hi, my name it Tidal Wave.
Got 3 phone numbers that night. :biggrin:
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Want to party with me and three Mexicans in a Toyota? One of them is named Dirty Sanchez
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I seem to have lost my phone number, so can I have sex with you?
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I may not be your husband, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.....
:rollin That is Great!!! Well played.
-
Succeed (it has literally worked for me):
"Hey, I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman."
-
Is this a gun in my pocket or are you going to have sex with me?
-
I may not be your husband, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.....
Hopefully they cleaned the sheets for ya. Winner!
-
Thanks man with the jinglers....
The standings...
jingle.boy - 8
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
gmillerdrake - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Podaar - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
New scene: Really bad ideas for "spicing up" a marriage....
-
Jalapeño flavored lube....
Bringing home three Mexicans you found walking on the highway to 'join in'
-
Red Hot Chilli Pepper condoms.
-
Hun, I brought my high school girlfriend who was great in bed to sit in and watch, give some pointers to you.
-
Inviting Mandingo over for a three-way.
Mounting handle-bars on the headboard.
Eucalyptus K Y Gel
-
The Mrs. suggesting a double ended "sausage"
The Mrs. suggesting an outing with all her girlfriends to go see The Dancing Bear
Role playing - Zed and "The Gimp"
Whipped cream, chocolate sauce and wasabi
-
Okay.. Spice Girl's first album in the CD player? Check. Mango/Lime salsa inside your pussy? Check. The speedo Pedro wore while representing Mexico during the 1996 Olympics? Check. Okay senorita... Give me my sombrero.. I'm going in.
-
Honey, I really want to get horny, let's watch a Teletubby episode first.
-
Honey, I really want to get horny, let's watch a Teletubby episode fist.
:justshootme:
-
Honey, I really want to get horny, let's watch a Teletubby episode fist.
:justshootme:
See, it's a winner! :lol
-
Mounting handle-bars on the headboard.
Winner, mainly because I have to try this someday. You're up man....
-
Thanks Lonestar! When you try out the handle-bars, remember to sing out, "Born to be wiiiiild!"
The standings...
jingle.boy - 8
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox -4
gmillerdrake - 3
Scorpion - 3
Podaar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Scene: Pet names for your spouse that aren't appropriate for general public consumption.
-
Mail order bride
Smelly snapper
Hairy butt
-
Cum junkie
-
semen guzzling whore bag :heart
-
smile Rag
"clean yoself up bitch"
-
And this is my other ride.
-
Tootie booty
Knick knack knockers
Prison Guard with Benefits
Erection Climber
Semen Prospector
smile Whiz
Cum Catcher
-
Backdoor Bitch
Cum Guzzler
Titty Sprinkles
-
Mistress Inducer
Joy Killer
Semen Vacuum
Hey you
Woman (said in your best drunken red neck voice, arm half raised to smack)
-
Boskette
-
The not-so-silent Ham.
Pooper trooper
Chin splash
Pearl
-
I'll keep this round open for a few more hours. I'm still hoping to get some contributions from the 'not-so-usual-suspects'.
-
My 2nd best wife.
smile sock.
(this round is just a pool of curses and disgusting-ness :lol )
-
This one sounded the most likely to be an accidental pet name.
Tootie booty
Winner. gmillerdrake, you're up.
On a personal note: There were a number of downright offensive (dare I say misogynistic) entries here. I sincerely hope some of you don't have significant-others. :-[
-
Awesome!!! thanks..
The standings...
jingle.boy - 8
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
gmillerdrake - 4
TempusVox -4
Scorpion - 3
Podaar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Scene:
Alternate uses for everyday Items...
-
Woman: Hmmmm, can't seem to find my dildo.. I guess I'll just have to use my copy of Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes From A Memory instead...
-
No kindling for the fire? Use tampons - absorb fast; burn slow
Spilled milk. Tampax will sop up a whole carton
-
Chainsaw: a pubic hair trimmer
-
Using a paper-hole punch to remove a skin tag on your eyelid.
-
Your spouse's toothbrush to itch that hemorrhoid.
Duct tape for any and everything.
Your cat to untangle headphone cords.
-
Your spouse's toothbrush to itch that hemorrhoid
:rollin No need for further submissions!! This is just wrong and hilarious at once. Your up Chad.
-
Coolio.
Le standings...
jingle.boy - 9
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
gmillerdrake - 4
TempusVox -4
Scorpion - 3
Podaar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's scene...
Something you wouldn't expect to hear in wedding vows.
-
"My ex's was bigger than yours, but because you are such a tender and caring man, I can forgive you."
-
"I vow to respect the sanctity of your toothbrush..."
-
Maria...ever since I saw how quickly you bounced back from that beating I gave you with a crow bar and bare knuckles on our first date for mouthin' off to me....I knew you were the one.
-
I vow to always use a saddle when I mount you..
-
So can we have sex NOW?!
-
"My ex's was bigger than yours, but because you are such a tender and caring man, I can forgive you."
Or, on the other hand,
"You're a gigantic dick, but you also have a gigantic dick, so..."
-
"I think I'm at the wrong wedding now I actually look upon your face."
-
That's funny....you don't look like a Druish Princess
-
And I promise to love, honor and cherish you as long as:
you always take out the trash, put the toilet seat down, give up watching sports, rub my feet every night, never look at another woman, don't be jealous or possessive, no man-cave, no poker nights, forsake video games, NO MAKIE SAMICHES, movie watching ratio will be 4.25 dramas per each action or comedy, no run-on sentences, let me initiate sex on my schedule and don't get mad when I call out “Zydar” during,.... and above all no Metal and definitely NO Prog
-
I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, unless of course you spend too much of our money, at which point I will toss your sorry ass out on the street; or such time that you're really barfey sick, cause thats just too gross, and I don't think I could ever love you, let alone kiss you after I saw you throwing up.
-
And I promise to love, honor and cherish you as long as:
you always take out the trash, put the toilet seat down, give up watching sports, rub my feet every night, never look at another woman, don't be jealous or possessive, no man-cave, no poker nights, forsake video games, NO MAKIE SAMICHES, movie watching ratio will be 4.25 dramas per each action or comedy, no run-on sentences, let me initiate sex on my schedule and don't get mad when I call out “Zydar” during,.... and above all no Metal and definitely NO Prog
This couldn't be the wife of anyone here! :omg:
-
*BRAaaaAAAaaaAAAAAP* Heh, heh...pardon me. Where was I? Oh yea!
Do you Joan promise to take this man as your lawfully wedded...
-
Who are you again?
-
A West Virginia Wedding:
Sister, this is the most happiest day of my life. Now no one will look twice when I take you for a ride.
-
"I vow to respect the sanctity of your toothbrush..."
Judo victory!
-
Schweet!
The Stand-outs
jingle.boy - 9
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
gmillerdrake - 4
TempusVox -4
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
El Barto - 1
Ruba - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
The Scene: Bad ways to respond when someone confesses something private and embarrassing.
-
Me too!
Wait... Now it's on Facebook.
Well that's nothing man. Have you heard the story about me and three Mexicans?
-
Oooooooooh......Really?
Man, I feel so much better about myself now. Thank you.
-
Not sure if video responses are allowed, but this was the first thing that popped into my head:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoDatWF292s
-
That's nothing compared to what your spouse told me.
What am I, flypaper for freaks!?!?
Don't mean to be rude, but am I supposed to give a flying fuck?
I think I just sharted.
It sounded like English, but I didn't understand a word you just said.
I know I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but how am I supposed to help you with THAT!?
That's great, mind if I press play now?
-
Hmmm, I could write a concept album on that!
Cool story bro.
-
Look on the bright side; at least it's Vlasto Day!
-
I've got the weirdest boner right now
-
I'm sorry....what'd you say? I was too busy picturing you naked holding a slinky....
-
...DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
-
Sorry, what did you say? I was on this conference call with my office.
Oh, that's nothing. Zydar does that to everyone.
-
:zydar:
-
Blah blah blah blah.....god will you just shut the fuck up already...
-
Oh man, all the entries this round are hilarious. :lol It makes it really difficult to choose...you all are winners in my book. That's why I decided to go to the bench and have Mrs. Podaar choose.
Wait... Now it's on Facebook.
Take it away Ruba!
-
Niiiice.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 9
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
gmillerdrake - 4
TempusVox -4
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Impossible news headlines.
-
Dream Theater sweeps Grammy Awards.
Michael Bay wins best director.
Londoners voted "World's Most Beautiful Smiles"
Peter North appointed as next Pope.
-
"Rolling stones to do another tour!!" ... Oh.. wait, that's actually happening
-
Three Mexicans in a Toyota have been elected to the U.S. Supreme Court
-
Sanchez cleans up his act and is voted 'Peoples' most sexy man alive
-
Peter North appointed as next Pope.
Promises all new approach for baptisms.
-
Peter North appointed as next Pope.
Promises all new approach for baptisms.
And new elements for communion
-
Bush was right!
Putin nominated for Ethics in Politics award.
-
Finnish people are the most social and positive in the world
Russia is the least corrupt country in the world
Hugh Syme creates a Dream Theater album cover DTF members are happy with
-
Jingle.boy wins a Roulette!
The Leafs win the Cup!
Tate puts on an amazing show!
-
North Korea shuts down all nuclear weapons
-
Firearms now illegal in Texas
Communism Proven to be a good idea
-
Peter North appointed as next Pope.
Promises all new approach for baptisms.
And new elements for communion
Nuns vow to come en-mass to induction ceremony
-
Peter North appointed as next Pope.
Promises all new approach for baptisms.
And new elements for communion
Nuns vow to come en-mass to induction ceremony
Ready to add pearls to their necklaces.
-
Many good ones, hard to decide, but I chose this:
Putin nominated for Ethics in Politics award.
Chad, you're up!
-
Sweet! Can't buy a win over in the caption thread, but first to 10 over here. :footloose:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
gmillerdrake - 4
TempusVox -4
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's scene: Teenager excuses for missing curfew.
-
I was at Starbucks, using their wifi, browsing DTF
-
"NOBODY knew what time it was!!!!!" :omg:
-
"I encountered three Mexicans who were driving a Toyota..."
-
"I encountered three Mexicans who were driving a Toyota..."
Totally ninja'd
I had a run in with somebody named Dirty Sanchez
-
I got a Cleaveland steamer :(
-
I lost track of time because I was blowin' random strangers for crack money.
-
I was at zydars! :zydar:
-
"Sorry, I had to run to the store to get some milk for my new born son".
-
Sorry Dad. I was on the way home when I noticed this trombone wedged between a gutter and bush. It was pretty rusty...so I really put some effort into buffing it...really started stroking it, sometimes with long strokes...some quick. I got a little bloody but that did t stop me I plunged on through until I could blow on that thing and wiggle my fingers until it made the most sensational sound.
-
I was at zydars! :zydar:
Zydar always hits the spot. Winner!
-
Sorry guys, on holiday :)
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
gmillerdrake - 4
TempusVox - 4
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Jonnybaxy - 1
Worst thing to hear from your music teacher
-
"Rebecca Black is a better singer than you."
"You don't have the right tooooneeee!"
"Don't worry, maybe you'll get to join Limp Bizkit someday..."
-
I like to play around with A minor.
-
I like to play around with A minor.
:lol
-
Hi, new student. My name is Hakan, but you can call me Zydar. Lets start over hear on my couch.
-
To hit that F#, you're going to need to twist your sack like this!
-
That sounded great! You could be the next Justin Bieber!!
-
I like Nickelback.
-
You start by grabbing both ends of the shaft tenderly. Then lick both the top and bottom of the wood gently to get it all moist and glistening. Finally, put your lips around it and blow slowly, but firmly. The bassoon is the instrument of champions.
-
You start by grabbing both ends of the shaft tenderly. Then lick both the top and bottom of the wood gently to get it all moist and glistening. Finally, put your lips around it and blow slowly, but firmly. The bassoon is the instrument of champions.
I quivered.
-
I like to play around with A minor.
So much win
-
With a lot more practice you could one day be as good as my best student... Tay Zonday.
-
Let me help you loosen your vocal chords.
-
i recieved all my training from three Mexicans in a Toyota
-
This may seem odd to you, but your lips seem perfectly suited to Play this rusty trombone.
I'd suggest we begin with a thorough lesson in the rhythm method.
It's a tough instrument that requires hours of late night practice, but the 'skin flute' is quite rewarding when stroked properly. Here.... Try mine.
-
And here, we have this massive organ.
Mind if I take off that G string?
-
You're sitting too far away from the keyboard. Here, let me push your stool in for ya.
-
This one time, at band camp......
-
There's a reason they call us trombone players "Boners".
-
You're sitting too far away from the keyboard. Here, let me push your stool in for ya.
What the shit
-
Literally.
-
Literally.
I assumed that.
:|
-
Literally.
I assumed that.
:|
Something you'd like to get off your chest?
-
Literally.
I assumed that.
:|
Something you'd like to get off your chest?
:lol
Obligatory steamer reference
-
No... No that was great Miss Baker. But I said "Why don't you try it in Falsetto.....not why don't you try fellatio".
-
This may seem odd to you, but your lips seem perfectly suited to Play this rusty trombone.
I'd suggest we begin with a thorough lesson in the rhythm method.
It's a tough instrument that requires hours of late night practice, but the 'skin flute' is quite rewarding when stroked properly. Here.... Try mine.
Winner! Skin flue made my laugh a lot :lol
-
This may seem odd to you, but your lips seem perfectly suited to Play this rusty trombone.
I'd suggest we begin with a thorough lesson in the rhythm method.
It's a tough instrument that requires hours of late night practice, but the 'skin flute' is quite rewarding when stroked properly. Here.... Try mine.
Winner! Skin flue made my laugh a lot :lol
Hey....thanks ! There were some great ones in that round
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
gmillerdrake - 5
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
TempusVox - 4
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Jonnybaxy - 1
New Scene....
Best excuse when getting caught watching your Sister In Law undress.....
-
Whoops! Sorry, was just looking for some cans. Seems like I found 'em.
THIS ISN'T THE GARAGE!!!
Just like the old days, huh?
Guess I can scratch this off the ole bucket list.
David Backes dared me.
-
I'm your brother-in-law's twin brother. Haha, that's funny that you thought I was him.
-
I thought you were my wife. You two look so much alike. Except you have bigger boobs, and a way nicer ass
-
Bump for last minute entries. Will pic tonight when I arrive home from out of town.
-
Man, I was just about to tell her never where white in the fall.
-
No...I guess that mole my wife has on her ass isn't hereditary after all. Thanks for helping me clear that up.
-
No...I guess that mole my wife has on her ass isn't hereditary after all. Thanks for helping me clear that up.
Winner.....nice one Mr. Vox.......
-
Thanks Sir Drake.....
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
TempusVox - 5
gmillerdrake - 5
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Jonnybaxy - 1
The scene... Things you shouldn't say during your drivers license road test.
-
Hey, does my breath smell like your wife?
17th time is a charm, right?
Fuck, I really gotta move out from that pineapple under the sea!
Here, have a toke.
-
Right on Red?! Only if you're dead!
-
Do you mind if we stop at a liquor store real quick?
-
My dad told me to pull my pants down when I drove stick.
-
By the way, you should know speed limit signs are just suggestions.
How about I parallel park this mother :censored then we hop in the back seat and you practice on my stick shift?
Do you think three hours is long enough for two shots of Jagermeister and a Long Island Ice tea to wear off?
-
Hey instructor....I don't know if you noticed but I inadvertently piggy backed on King and Strings ideas. That's gotta be worth someth........SQUIRREL!!!
-
Hey, does my breath smell like your wife?
Holy shit :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Hey, does my breath smell like your wife?
Holy shit :rollin :rollin :rollin
Definitely hilarious, but what does that have to do with someone's driving lesson??
-
No idea. I think that's a large part of why it made me laugh so much.
-
:lol
-
Why the hell does this car have a third pedal???
-
:rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Oh thank god I got a chick. I can't parallel park worth shit either.
-
Could you hold the wheel for a sec?
-Pulls out phone and starts texting-
-
I can crack this car up since my dad saved a lot with Geico!!
-
I hope you teach how to drive drunk....
-
Ummm... Why are there three Mexicans in the back seat?
-
Roads?! Where we're going we don't need roads
-
Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
-
You mind if we pick up this prostitute?
-
You ever see Death Race 2000?
-
Hold my beer...
-
Hold my hand? I'm scared.
-
I'd suggest definately buckling up.... And maybe wearing a helmet. Oh, and a good solid prayer wouldn't hurt either.....this didn't go so well last time.
-
This thing corners like it's on rails.
-
***Softly whispers and holds eyes tighly shut as he sits in the drivers seat****
"Gas on the right, brake on the left....Gas on the right, brake on the left....Gas on the right, brake on the left....Gas on the right, brake on the left......."
-
You ever have that 'my day can't get any worse' feeling? Yeah, I'm not having that feeling right now.
*as hangs up cell phone*. Sorry, just wrapping up a call with the suicide hotline. Ready?
-
You hungry? There's a McD's right around the corner, I'm gonna hit the drive through....
-
I have no ideas for this scene, but I wanted to tell you that my driver's license road test will be tomorrow - thanks to all of you for letting me know what to say there :lol
Carry on! :clap:
-
Everybody survived! ROOAAAAAAAARRRRR!
E: did I misquote this one? :facepalm: it wasn't funny at all then.
-
Do you think three hours is long enough for two shots of Jagermeister and a Long Island Ice tea to wear off?
Several were very clever, but there can be only one!!
Winna Winna, Chicken Dinna!!
-
Do you think three hours is long enough for two shots of Jagermeister and a Long Island Ice tea to wear off?
Several were very clever, but there can be only one!!
Winna Winna, Chicken Dinna!!
Alright!! :metal There were some great ones in there. Thanks!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
gmillerdrake - 6
TempusVox - 5
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Jonnybaxy - 1
The scene... Embarrassing/odd/criminal...etc. etc. admissions to your Doctor right before a checkup.
-
"Hey doc, sooo how would one go about removing one of those toy plastic army men from ones colon?"
-
" Umm doc, three Mexicans dropped me off here for my appointment, and I was wondering, is it possible to be allergic to semen?"
-
"Look I'm not gonna lie to you, I do a LOT of crack."
"I sued the shit out of my last doctor."
"Ohhh doc! Hang on, I gotta fart realllll bad!"
-
<it has to be done>
Dr.: Drop your shorts and bend over.
Me: No...we don't have to, I mean, maybe I just haven't been doing enough calisthenics...you know, my kidneys feel a lot better now, maybe if I just bent over like this every morning...... Moon Riiiver. Whew...ever serve time, Doc?
Dr.: Breathe easy.
Me: Yeah...breathe easy... Ahh!! Using the whole fist, Doc?!
<sorry, you were just asking for it! Ok, on to the original material now>
Cancer risk? No I'm not... but my pal Hef told me you give him the most delicious colonoscopy last week. So, that's why I'm here. Ready to hit pay dirt?
You're never gonna believe this doc... million to one shot. Million to one. Ever do fusilli art?
Any changes since my last checkup? I've been having these weird hallucinations every so often. Why, just last week a rooster told me that Dwight Gooden walked 88 batters in '96. And you know what? HE WAS RIGHT!
Is it weird that I find myself sobbing uncontrollably at the acting masterpiece that Kurt Russell delivers in Big Trouble in Little China?
-
Bump. Need some more entries...
-
I gave myself a prostate exam last night, so you don't have to!
-
This is all the entries? Hmm.....
-
Doc. Have you ever had that not so fresh feeling?
-
I gave myself a prostate exam last night, so you don't have to!
I'm going with shoving your own digits in your bung hole.......Winner!
-
I'm going with shoving your own digits in your bung hole.......Winner!
Whatever floats your boat Gary.
p.s. Seems sig-worthy.
-
I'm going with shoving your own digits in your bung hole.......Winner!
Whatever floats your boat Gary.
p.s. Seems sig-worthy.
I feel a special sort of honor....even if it involves fingers in dark places. :lol
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
gmillerdrake - 6
TempusVox - 5
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Next up: Worst excuse for being late for a funeral
-
Damn Asian limo drivers!
Sorry, I took Viagara 3 hours ago.
She opened a bag of Lays as we parked, and it's true... I couldn't eat just one!
But, Dream Theater tickets went on sale at 10am this morning too!
-
I just finished watching an entire season of Whose Line is it Anyway.
-
Sorry.....that traffic nearly killed me.
I'd have gotten here sooner but three Mexicans asked me to explain what cornholed meant, I thought it easier just to demonstrate.
-
Had to wait for The Volt to charge.
Really needed to wash my hands solidly after performing my own prostate exam.
-
Sorry I was late. I was dead tired.
-
Man, that online course on 'How to swindle a widower' just wouldn't end.......so, anyone seen the bereaved Mrs. Jackson?
-
My hamster died and I had to plan his funeral.
Your whole family is made up of chronic liars; I thought you guys had lied about this too.
Is it Spring forward or Spring back?
I mean he's dead, does it really matter if any of us are on time?
Man, the line at Starbucks was a real bitch!
Sorry I'm late, I'll make sure I'm early to the next one, okay?
Is it Fall forward or Fall back?
I drove to the place I'd rather be by mistake.
Damn, I was hoping this would be over by the time I got here.
-
You always said he'd be late for his own funeral, so I figured I would be too.
I discovered plutonium... BY ACCIDENT!!
I'm a White Rabbit. What did you expect?
-
Sorry I'm late....my Uncle, Cousin and I were at the farm and couldn't get out of a conversation with a chicken who swore that Dwight Gooden walked 88 batters in 1996. My cousin finally googled it and it turns out the chicken was right.
-
Man, I was stuck behind this annoying line of cars on the highway driving real slow with their hazard lights on. It sucked....
I mistakenly got :censored faced and watched 'The Big Chill'. Any of you ladies need my sperm?
-
I was busy burying the murder weapon
-
Sorry I'm late....my Uncle, Cousin and I were at the farm and couldn't get out of a conversation with a chicken who swore that Dwight Gooden walked 88 batters in 1996. My cousin finally googled it and it turns out the chicken was right.
rofl :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
-
I had to stop and get this cooler and sharpen my knife.....I'm gonna want my kidney back now that Dan no longer needs it.
-
Man, I was stuck behind this annoying line of cars on the highway driving real slow with their hazard lights on. It sucked....
I mistakenly got :censored faced and watched 'The Big Chill'. Any of you ladies need my sperm?
take your pick Gary, these both win! :lol
-
Cool.....The Big Chill gets an assist :lol Love that movie. Anyway, Thanks!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 10
gmillerdrake - 7
TempusVox - 5
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Next Scene:
Worst things to say or admission to Law Enforcement after being stopped for drinking and driving.
-
...Hey offisuh, could I have uh ride home? I'm drunk...
-
I lov you brah... Can we get a kebab?
I slept with your mother when you were little
-
I'm not as think as you drunk I am
I've got an extra beer in the cooler if you want one
-
What seems to be the officer, problem?
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
-
What seems to be the officer, problem?
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
I was just thinking that :clap:
-
It's not Jäger you smell on my breath, it's vodka mixed with your daughter's pussy.
You're not gonna believe this officer, but I have a voodoo dick in my snatch.
Oh man! Now I'm gonna be REALLY late for my first meeting as a "sponsor".
Fuck, my parole officer is gonna be pissed about this.
Let's make a deal; I'll blow into that, if you blow this. :heybaby:
You again Sugar Tits?
Cut me some slack officer... I was just trying to get to McDonald's drive thru before breakfast ended.
-
Officer, may I unzip your pants for you?
-
You're a public servant...go get me another drink!
-
You are definitely a 12 pack on the beer google scale.
-
It's not Jäger you smell on my breath, it's vodka mixed with your daughter's pussy.
You're not gonna believe this officer, but I have a voodoo dick in my snatch.
Oh man! Now I'm gonna be REALLY late for my first meeting as a "sponsor".
Fuck, my parole officer is gonna be pissed about this.
Let's make a deal; I'll blow into that, if you blow this. :heybaby:
You again Sugar Tits?
Cut me some slack officer... I was just trying to get to McDonald's drive thru before breakfast ended.
Any one of these are good for the win, although the Jäger/Daughter breath was pretty vulgar and shocking....just the way it should be. You're up Chad!
-
Thanks G
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 7
TempusVox - 5
lonestar - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's Scene: Satan welcomes you into hell by saying ....
-
I've never....and I mean never, seen someone pursue sin like you did. Simply incredible. You were like Mike Singeltary charging down a scared rookie running back. Well done....
-
Don't look so surprised.....you knew she was 11.
-
Ah, there you are. I'm so looking forward to retirement. Welcome!
-
You would not even be here if it hadn't been for those three Mexicans in the car that night.
-
Welcome to the mega party! Tonight we're having Rebecca Black on main stage, and tomorrow's main act is Nickelback!
-
Welcome to the mega party! Tonight we're having Rebecca Black on main stage, and tomorrow's main act is Nickelback!
Well, that's certainly Coz's hell! :6: :9:
-
BEHOLD SINNER, YOU'RE MISDEEDS HAVE GOTTEN YOU AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERI........wait, you were married, weren't you?....ah fuck it, I'll give you the tour anyways......so over here is the lakes of fire, and back there is the torture dungeons...so how long were you married?...17 years? damn man, that's rough, you want a job here?
-
DAY AFTER DAY AND NIGHT AFTER NIGHT
Welcome Mr Bush
So over in that corner is some swag and over there is Yolo
-
God and I just traded some souls at the deadline and you're the 'soul to be named later'.
Oh good you're here... I need a place to stick this pitchfork.
Don't just stand there....Clinton and Hitler need some toilet paper. Get your tongue ready.....
-
Wait....where's your Rooster?
You ever tasted a Satanic hemmeroid?
-
Hey,pull my finger....
-
BEHOLD SINNER, YOU'RE MISDEEDS HAVE GOTTEN YOU AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERI........wait, you were married, weren't you?....ah fuck it, I'll give you the tour anyways......so over here is the lakes of fire, and back there is the torture dungeons...so how long were you married?...17 years? damn man, that's rough, you want a job here?
Gary's had me chuckling the most, but this is the clear winner - especially given the time of the month (;)) in the jingle household.
-
Thanks man, but the credit for that one goes to the late, great Sam Kinison, god rest his soul...
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 7
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
BlobVanDam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
And today's scene..... A strange plague strickens the land, killing everyone except DTFers. The survivors refer to this odd apocalypse as.....
-
The Aprogalypse
Octavarium sub-forum
Hell
V-Day (short for Vlasto Day)
Revenge of the Nerds V: Zydar's Revenge
-
Boskilation
Sausage Fest
The Four Horsemen ride - icysk8r ("anyone need a deck of cards?"), AndyDT ("guys, what does it mean when she swallows?"), Epicview ("sorry to do this, you'are all so nice!"), and Edan the Man ("Duncan held me captive")
-
A Nightmare to Remember
Lolz's Greatest Hump
Just off the record, the last round was the funniest one I had seen in a while :rollin.
-
The Killing Hand.......
-
The First Dance Eternal
-
Myung Speaks!
-
The Day the Ivory Tower Fell
The Day, THE Day Seized Back
Freemasons Revenge
Enie, meanie, meine....moe....
-
Good Riddance MP Forums (oh, and sorry to the rest of humanity) Day!
-
The Aprogalypse
Yeah, Blob nailed it frist response for me. Simple and just perfect.
You're up Lord Animator....
-
Thanks chef!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 7
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
New Scene - best/worst pick up lines for senior citizens
-
That walker would look good lying on my bedroom floor.
You know, for 93... you don't drool much.
If you want to come back to my place, I'll take my teeth out, and show you how all those years of purging have all but killed my gag reflex.
I'm hornier than Betty White, and twice as flexible.
-
My Hospice Nurse is out to lunch right now, what do you say we head back to my room so I can fill you up with the last bits of semen I have?
-
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it sonny. Plus, the hemorrhoids back there will give you an extra "somethin somethin".
-
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it sonny. Plus, the hemorrhoids back there will give you an extra "somethin somethin".
what the shit
-
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it sonny. Plus, the hemorrhoids back there will give you an extra "somethin somethin".
what the shit
Precisely.
-
Why don't you come with me and I'll give you another reason besides 'Ive Fallen'....that you can't get up.
Hey Sugar why don't you help me give this new titanium hip a good workout?
You ever had Trachea hole sex?
Lets go do depraved things too each other.....we're not going to remember it anyway. Grab that shuffle board pole and those bingo balls.
-
I'll let you win at parcheesi!
Don't worry. You can't knock me up. I have a prehensile clitoris...wait...that's not right. I mean a sterile uterus. [snicker]
That's not a colostomy bag. It's a love dart sack.
-
You know I ate much worse things during the Great Depression.
A Nazi landmine couldn't hurt em....why don't you give him a shot.
So, you fancy the texture of Tapioca pudding huh?
I'm not sure how to say this....but your Yoda like skin really activates my light saber
-
You're so purdy... you look like a prune that HASN'T been in the sun for too long.
-
If you've got the duct tape, I got the popsicle sticks. Who needs Viagra anyways.....
-
If you have an AARP card, I've got a room for you.......
-
Hey there good looking would you li.....wait, what.....where the hell am I am what is going on here?
-
I don't use denture cream.
-
One night with me and you'll feel like you're middle aged again...
-
I've orgasmed and I can't get up!
-
(woman to old man)
How about I sit on your knee and you give me a ride like my Grandpa used to..
-
*cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough*
Works everytime.
-
I don't even need viagra for you!
Wow! your tits are only at your knees!
-
BVD... You gonna judge this thing, or what?
P.S. not a 'scene'
-
BVD... You gonna judge this thing, or what?
P.S. not a 'scene'
He's probably busy updating and touching up his virtual clock tower for the BTTF thread :lol I tease BVD, that animation is freakin awesome!!!
-
I betcha didn't know denture cream doubles as a great lubricant?
-
I'm giving this one to gmillerdrake. Your depravity gave me the most amusement. How can I even choose between them 3 gems?
:lol :clap:
My Hospice Nurse is out to lunch right now, what do you say we head back to my room so I can fill you up with the last bits of semen I have?
Lets go do depraved things too each other.....we're not going to remember it anyway. Grab that shuffle board pole and those bingo balls.
You know I ate much worse things during the Great Depression.
-
Thanks BVD!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 8
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
J8VRM- 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
New Scene -
Worst/weirdest/most uncalled for hostage negotiating tactics used by Law Enforcement.
-
Come out and we WON'T let the dog hump your leg!
-
Here terrorist terrorist terrorist terrorist. Here boy. *whistle whistle whistle whistle*. Who's a good boy? WHO'S A GOOD BOY!!!??
*terrorist calling out by phone* No no no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1-.... 2.
Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!
No, I'm not a hostage negotiator, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
-
Okay, chief, just as they requested - a cornhole game and a #10 combo from Taco Bell in exchange for two hostages.
-
Through megaphone: "GO AHEAD AND SHOOT THEM! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
whispers to other cop: "Reverse psychology. works ever--" *BAM* "... shit"
-
Through megaphone: "GO AHEAD AND SHOOT THEM! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
Holy crap :lol
-
Through megaphone: "GO AHEAD AND SHOOT THEM! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
whispers to other cop: "Reverse psychology. works ever--" *BAM* "... shit"
Ha ha ha :rollin
The bar has been set....that'll be tough to beat.
-
Can we pick up the pace here dude, my wife is ovulating and I gotta go 'take her temperature'.
Need any more up there? My teenagers are pissing me right the fuck off lately. Be a peach and let me send 'em up.
-
We're sending three Mexicans that came out of the back of a Toyota to negotiate
-
"If you give us the girl, we'll give you a years subscription to Glamor magazine!" "Promise!"
-
"One of your hostages has SARS. Just thought you'd like to know."
-
"I Promise Michael Anthony will be in Van Halen again!! I can make it happen!"
-
Right... That's it... If you're not out here in 5 seconds... I'm telling your mother!
*to other cop* send in the jersey shore cast... He'll blow his own brains out in 5 seconds.
-
*on a megaphone* OKAY, JOHN. GO AHEAD AND PLAY THE SOLO FROM STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS!
-
"Excuse me ma'am, please let them go"
...
I AM A GUY
You're a fucking stupid bitch.
-
Release the hostages and we will give you guns and crack.
-
I AM A GUY
You're a fucking stupid bitch.
:clap:
-
Through megaphone: "GO AHEAD AND SHOOT THEM! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
whispers to other cop: "Reverse psychology. works ever--" *BAM* "... shit"
I don't see this one being overtaken....it got me good. You da' winner Jay!
-
Re: Scenes From A Hat: Round 2
« Reply #1114 on: August 12, 2013, 06:28:50 AM »
Quote
Thanks BVD!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 8
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash- 2
Sir GuitarCozmo-2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
J8VRM- 2
El Barto - 1
Zydar - 1
Lolzeez- 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Give me a few to think up a topic
-
The most unusually / awkward musical supergroups
(members can be alive or dead, any genres, eras, etc)
-
Noel Gallagher, Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, Stu Hamm, the drummer from the bad "Final Countdown" cover video, and Malcolm Young.
-
"Implosion" - nothing more awkward than a band who will never make it on stage......
Tommy Lee, Ritchie Blackmore, Eddie Van Halen, Axl Rose, Gene Simmons
"Coke Blocked" - except for maybe a band that is unlikely to even survive until the show.
Steven Adler, Ozzy Osbourne, Keith Richards, Ace Frehley, Duff McKagan
-
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Akerfeldt
Emerson, LaBrie and Palmer
The Allman-Doobie Brothers
KC and The Steve Miller Band
Manfred Mann's Earth Wind and Fire.
Danger Danger Night Ranger
Skid Row Slaughter
The Police Warrant
Sammy Hagar & David Lee Roth
-
The Offspryngwie Malmsteen?
-
The Offspryngwie Malmsteen?
:rollin :rollin
-
Nickebachman Turner Overdrive
-
Sting Crimson
Alan Partridge Project
Moody Tools
Porcupine Glee
Slayer & Garfunkel
-
The Pantera Bread company.
-
Lars Ulrich on drums + Sid vicious on bass + chad kroeger on guitar + lil wayne singing
Or adrenaline mob
-
Chicago Trivium Authority
-
Lars Ulrich on drums + Sid vicious on bass + chad kroeger on guitar + lil wayne singing
Or adrenaline mob
:rollin :tup
Lars Ulrich + Justin Bieber + Miles Davis + Skrillex
Bring Me The Mozart
Mötorclaptön
Cannibal Corpse + One Direction
Backstreet Corpse
Slice Girls (Bloodbath + Spice Girls)
Iron Madonna
Jeff Hanneman + B.B. King + Rebecca Black + Phil Collins
Lou Reed + Metallica
-
Alannah Myles Davis
Joss Stone Temple Pilots
Bill Haley and the Frehley's Comets
Darryl Hall and John 5
Rebecca Black Label Society
Firehouse of Pain
Great White Zombie
King's X of Leon
Mr. Biggie Smalls
Twisted Pointer Sisters
-
Cannibal Doors
U2 Unlimited
-
Haha. Someone remembers 2 Unlimited.
I loved their stuff when I was younger.
-
Megadef Leppard
Blackmore's Night Ranger
Bon Journey
Creedance Clearwater Rhapsody
Rattsody of Fire
-
Kotowboy: There's no limit :coolio
-
Al Green Day
Spyro Gwar
Right Said Frederic Chopin
Destiny's Children of Bodom
NWA Speedwagon
Loverboyz II Men
Bachman Turner Deicide
-
System of a Dream Theater
-
Lovin' them so far
-
Culture Club Nuveau
George Michael Sweet
Gloria Estefan and Rage Against the Machine
Orchestral Maneuvers in the Darkology
Prince and The Knack
Bob Seger and The Silver Bulletboys
Simple Pagan's Mind
Scale the Scar Symmetry
Phil Metalicollins
-
Porcupines in the Throne Room.
-
Metallicandlebox
John Cougar Megadeth
Peter, Paula Abdul, and Mary
Guns n' Rosemary Clooney
Van Halen Jennings
Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Funky Bunch
The Mahavishnu Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
-
Joe Lynn & Tina Turner
Mr. Big Big Train
Steve and Katy Perry
Paul McCartney and Winger
Procol Harem Scarem
Stone Temple Poison
Colin James Brown
Collective Soul Asylum
Stevie Seventh Wonder
-
Men at Bjork
-
Van Haken
-
Lady Gazpacho
-
Slayer & Garfunkel
Holy shit. :lol
-
Mr. Big Elf
Creed Jovi
-
The 4 Perrys: Katy, Steve, Joe, and Perry Farrell
-
Sigur Rush
-
Supertramp and Madonna
Cream and Bananarama
Rush and Traffic
-
Slayer & Garfunkel
Holy shit. :lol
Yeah, I :lol at that one to. And then I really lost it at.
Moody Tools
:rollin
-
Gloria Estefan and Rage Against the Machine
There has to be a way to make this happen..
-
Who can forget the alternative rock choir?; The Mormon Butthole Surfers
-
This last theme is just too good. I've laughed out loud at so many of these, made my day.
-
Anathemarillion
Mamas and The Pet Shop Boys
Blood, Sweat and Tears for Fears
Black Stone Cherry Poppin Daddies
Dokken and the Medics
Bruce Springsteen and the J Giles Band
Joan Jett and the Black Eyed Peas
Kansas and Toto (wait for it....)
And this one's just for RJ
ABBAsolute Priority.
-
ABBOpeth (Mikael would be delighted...)
-
Lou reed + slipknot
-
Spock's Steely Dan
30 Seconds To The Wet Sprocket
Tool Of Power
Weird Al No More
-
Arch Enya
Fleetwood Mastodon
Huey Lewis and the Napalm Death
Crosby, Stills, Slash & Yankavik
Gay Petshop Boy Bikers on Acid
-
Manogoatwhore.
-
Slayer & Garfunkel
:rollin :rollin :rollin
WIN
-
Ok, now that a winner has been declared, I want to acknowledge this piece of brilliance.
30 Seconds To The Wet Sprocket
:lol
-
Kotowboy: There's no limit :coolio
I fuckin loved that one. It was just so brilliantly daft.
-
Deft Punk
-
Slayer & Garfunkel
:rollin :rollin :rollin
WIN
Thanks ;D
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 8
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
Sir GuitarCozmo - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
New scene: The title of Slayer & Garfunkel's debut album.
-
South of the Bridge Over Troubled Water
Reign in Silence
Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M., In The Abyss
-
Reign in Blood 2: Mrs Robinson's Revenge
-
Metal as Folk
-
Bridge over troubled hell
-
Who Needs Paul?
God Hates the Sound of Silence
-
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Blood
-
Heaven holds a place for those who slay
-
Hello, Darkness My Little Bitch
-
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Blood
:hefdaddy
-
God Hates All Folk
-
Bridge Over the Seventh Circle
Folk Your Brains Out
Mrs. Robinson is a Whore
-
Hell awaits Mrs. Robinson
Sound of death
-
Slayer & Garfunkel I: I Can't Believe You Actually Bought An Album By A Band Called Slayer & Garfunkel...
-
Sounds of Silence: Art Shuts the Hell Up!
-
Slayer and Garfunkel: God Hates Paul Simon, and the rest of us...
Slayer and Garfunkel: What A Wonderful Hell
-
Bridge Over the River Styx
-
Scar Burrow FIRE!
-
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Blood
Winner!
-
Yeah, that would have been mine too.
-
Bitchin'.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 8
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
Sir GuitarCozmo - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
New scene: Things you can say during the holidays, but not in the bedroom.
-
I don't care how moist it makes it! I don't like oysters in it!
Christ, I can't eat it now. Gramma had her grubby mitts all over it.
-
I don't care if you don't like it...put those antlers on and get down there!
Even if you add chocolate chips...it's still gonna smell and taste horrible
-
Sorry Hon, I just had to invite Aunt Edna. She's been so lonely since Debb died.
-
If you won't help me stuff it and then make sure it's juiced every hour I'll just go ask our neighbor if he will do it.
I didn't really think it'd be that much fun sitting on a strange mans lap
-
Tofurky's never quite done it for me, the way real meat can.
-
Humour me. I know it's not the tastiest thing in the world, but the least you could do is put this in your mouth once a year!
-
Please, for me....go downstairs and try my sisters muffin? It'll upset her if you don't and you never know....you may like it so much you'll want her muffin in your mouth more often.
I didn't think that pie would taste so good....with the dis colored crust and all but by gosh....that's a nice tasting pie.
-
Shit woman, your mask scared the crap out of me!!!! (Halloween counts, right?)
I just love the way the cheap stuff jiggles.
Squeeze on in Grandpa, there's plenty of room here.
-
Oops sorry about your red nose....I should have warned you.
Sure why not, what do I care if a bunch of midgets are throwing balls at me?
-
Ho! Ho! Ho!
-
They're a little lumpy. I always liked my Mom's better.
Geez... he only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney?
Nice package!
I know it's a little salty, but swallow it dammit!
-
They're a little lumpy. I always liked my Mom's better.
Dude......................
-
If I'm lying you can throw a snowball on my face
Why are your cheeks so rosy and red?
-
Cranberries?!
I love it in the can.
-
Time for Santa to go back up the chimney.
-
You fruit cake.
-
A little powder on the balls will liven up this dish.
-
Shit! Take it out before it explodes in there!
It's alright... not quite as fresh as last year though.
Look at the size of that sack!
-
but honey. You're not wearing green!
-
I know it's my dad in disguise but i'll play along anyway.
-
'Honey, could you help me wrap this for the kids?'
-
'Honey, could you help me wrap this for the kids?'
:rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Hang on, i gotta dig in deep for the giblets.
-
Go wake the kids up! I want them to see the white christmas!
-
Go wake the kids up! I want them to see the white christmas!
:zydar:
-
Ok, where am I supposed to put this massive cucumber?
-
Honey, our priest wants to fill little Johny with joy for the holidays.
-
Dad, that's a really beautiful pearl necklace you gave mom. All the beads line up nicely, perfectly sized... it's a work of art really. I wish my boyfriend would take as much care and effort into such a thoughtful gift.
-
Dad, that's a really beautiful pearl necklace you gave mom. All the beads line up nicely, perfectly sized... it's a work of art really. I wish my boyfriend would take as much care and effort into such a thoughtful gift.
....oh thanks sweetie, but SUPRISE!!!! Here's one for you too.....
-
Come on, smile, i'd love to show this video to my parents.
-
Next time we should invite grandma, she'd love it.
-
I had initially wanted to do "Rejected State Mottos" as the theme, but figured that wasn't really fair to non-US people. I'm so glad I changed it to this one. :lol
Oh, holy shit. So many false starts on this one. Every time I thought I knew which one it was gonna be you sick fuckers outdid yourselves. Well done.
Dad, that's a really beautiful pearl necklace you gave mom. All the beads line up nicely, perfectly sized... it's a work of art really. I wish my boyfriend would take as much care and effort into such a thoughtful gift.
I saw this last night and knew it was a winner.
Until I woke up this morning and saw this:
Dad, that's a really beautiful pearl necklace you gave mom. All the beads line up nicely, perfectly sized... it's a work of art really. I wish my boyfriend would take as much care and effort into such a thoughtful gift.
....oh thanks sweetie, but SUPRISE!!!! Here's one for you too.....
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
I totally lost my shit. WINNER!!!
-
(https://kidsdontgetit.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/kahn1.jpg)
Gaaaaaaaaryyyyyyyy!!!!!
-
:lol
Ninja'd-expert level
-
:ninja:
Sorry Chad...... :biggrin:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 9
lonestar - 6
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
Sir GuitarCozmo - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
New scene: Inappropriate/strange/etc ways to begin a Eulogy.
-
I didn't know this Patrick but I had an hour to kill and passed this funeral home so what the fuck.
-
Dad used to give the best blow jobs...
-
Dad used to give the best blow jobs...
:omg:
-
What do you mean my dick's hanging out...
OK, let's get this bullshit over with so I can get a fucking drink in me....
-
Anyone know if this place validates?
I knew Sanchez all my life. We were best pals since grade 2. Even back then, he was always dirty.
Alan was a good man, despite his suicide at the age of 23 after claiming bankruptcy. Ironic that his catchphrase was "live long and prosper".
Guess now's as good a time as any to confess that I've been schtupping his wife for the last 3 years.
Owen lost his gag reflex at the tender age of 14. Please don't ask me how I know this.
Anyone else as baked as me right now?
-
The proper girl in the hat just eye fucked the shit outta me.
-
If he could see himself now, he'd probably laugh. He never looked this good in life.
-
I'll always remember the good times I had with Jack, like the other day when I was squeezing the life out of him when I found out he was sleeping with my wife
-
Medium rare, please
-
Let me start by reading you all the definition of necrophilia............
-
Watch this!
-
Oooohhh, maaan!!! Who just ripped one? Nope.... wait... false alarm. It's the corpse.
-
Just look how peaceful she is with her beautiful Cardassian complexion.
-
"I never liked Bill, and him laying here in this casket next to me, gives a whole new meaning to the term 'dick in a box'.."
-
OK, let's get this bullshit over with so I can get a fucking drink in me....
Only because the chances are this phrase may have actually been uttered to begin a Eulogy...somewhere, at some time in history. Winner!
-
Sweet, thanks Gary!!!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 9
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
Sir GuitarCozmo - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
OK, next scene...... Worst response to when I wife/girlfriend ask "do I look fat in these?"
Besides "yes" of course... :p
-
"Define 'fat'."
-
No, you look actually a lot fatter without these!
No sweety, not fat, just ugly.
Silently perform a sumo ring pose.
-
Where?
-
DON'T MAKE ME LOOK, YOU FUGLY WHALE
Of course you don't look fat, honey. You'd have to lose 100lbs to be merely "fat".
If you have to ask, you know the answer already, porker.
-
*touches butt*
-
(https://img218.imageshack.us/img218/3218/worfhu2.gif)
(https://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7a658f2r21r1ylzx.gif)
(https://img.pandawhale.com/49716-When-a-girl-asks-if-I-like-her-t0EO.gif)
-
Only when you walk in those jeans. Otherwise you're good.
-
(https://www.hdforums.com/forum/attachments/general-harley-davidson-chat/270870d1347208702-real-biker-not-this-shit-again.jpg)
-
Do bears shit in the woods?
Let me just say, I could probably do my marathon training just to get around you
-
Nah baby, you jus big boned.
Help me out a little... what do you mean by "these"?
-
I'll put it this way - if we were going out for karaoke tonight, "it" would be "over".
-
I really can't tell.....there's too much cellulite in the way.
"Fat" is a bit harsh of word.....maybe plump or rounded instead.
Me no hablo engleeish.....
-
Beauty comes from within and "your within" has a lot of room for beauty.
-
Woman: "Do these jeans make me look fat?"
Man: "...er?"
or
"I don't believe that's possible, Dear."
-
If you ask me that and want an honest answer, we are not a match.
-
DON'T MAKE ME LOOK, YOU FUGLY WHALE
:rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Holy shit! A talking pig!
-
"Could this be the end.... is this the way I die?"
-
..Maybe a little fatter than your sister."
-
I don't think I've ever heard jean buttons cry out in pain before
-
Me no hablo engleeish.....
Yeah, knew this one was winning the moment I read it. It's not often I wish I was still married, but I would take one day of wedded bliss back just to see the reaction to this one.
You're up man...
-
Me no hablo engleeish.....
Yeah, knew this one was winning the moment I read it. It's not often I wish I was still married, but I would take one day of wedded bliss back just to see the reaction to this one.
You're up man...
Oh wow.....cool! There were some real good ones here. And for the record, when my wife asks me things like that....I give her a long stare and tell her that's a no win question/answer and that she's a beautiful woman.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 11
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
Sir GuitarCozmo - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Next Scene:
Worst/strangest/most frightening etc etc...last words you hear your surgeon say as your anesthesia sets in and you drift away.
-
na na na, another one bites the dust...
-
I call dibs on the butthole!
Why do they call it a scalpel? This isn't what I use when I scalp people at all....
Jimmy, start filling the tub with ice. Bubba, find my cooler.
-
Remember that death is not the end, but only a transition.
-
If you see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a lens flare.
-
Alright everyone, get ready. Zydar said he'd be here in five to pick up the body.
-
What was this guy in here for? Appendicitis or Sex reassignment surgery?
-
Cheers
-
Anyone else here as baked as I am?
... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Hey, you up in the gallery. Put those Junior Mints down.
Not my submission, but of course I was instantly reminded of this.
(https://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y148/Zippozeppo/far_side002.jpg)
-
I've got the weirdest boner right now!
I just scheduled this because he's got really good insurance.
-
Damn! I knew I forgot to take my epilepsy medication today. Oh well
-
Remember that death is not the end, but only a transition.
If you ever wish to come back, all you must do is open your eyes.
-
You're gonna have the weirdest boner in a few minutes.
-
Damn, that anasthesia got to him a lot quicker than it's hitting me, what a fucking lightweight.
-
I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.
-
I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.
OH GOD
-
OK nurse, you can take your finger out of my asshole now, and see if his airway is clear please.....
-
Nurse, can you bring in those three Mexicans who are waiting in the hall?
-
"Hello everybody!!"
"Hello Dr. Nick Riviera!!"
-
So my bitch wife wants $5000 a month alimony, and total custody of the kids. I tell ya, I'm ready to kill someone...
-
You know Betty, I'm still in shock that I beat all those malpractice charges.
Ok, cue the pron music.
How are we gonna have fun today? Well, we are in Cleveland; it is steamy in here. So....
-
Check this out. It's only as big around as a beer can, but it's long!
-
Pssst Nurse... he drove here in a Jag.. take his keys and go look for it in the parking lot.. hurry, he'll be awake in 3 hours..
-
[whisper] So, I told his ex-wife she could do the cutting. Go see if she's scrubbed up yet.
-
Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.
*eeppphhhhhh* <pause> eeeeerrr....
-
Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.
Love that line...
Hey Betsy, did I ever show you my intestine balloon animal tricks?
So, what are we taking out again?
-
"Alright, give me the scorpions."
-
"Alright, give me the scorpions."
Hey there big boy. :eyebrows:
-
:rollin
-
You know Betty, I'm still in shock that I beat all those malpractice charges.
Sorry for the delay.....but this is probably something you wouldn't want to hear. Good one Chad. Your da winner!
-
Thanks Bro. Got a feeling it was a sympathy vote for going all ninja on me a couple rounds back. I thought there were others that were funnier. But, a victory is a victory.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 12
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
Sir GuitarCozmo - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's scene - Inappropriate things to say/do to your partner after making whoopie.
-
Cuddle.
-
"Who's the bitch now?!"
"From now on I want you to call me Stanley. Like the power drill."
Who am I trying to kid, I won't come up with anything funnier that Cos. Just declare him the winner and let's move on. :lol
-
By the way....in a couple days that burning you feel when pee and nasty blister is courtesy of the hooker I shagged at my brothers bachelor party last week.
-
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
"Now where's my sandwich?"
"NEXT!"
-
"You can give me back my beer now."
"Toward the end there, you sounded just like your sister."
"Say, could I interest you in a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers?"
-
Cab fare's on the dresser. ZZZZZZZZZZ....
-
Was that a 'pinch' at the end? I preferred the counter clockwise swirl.
-
Actually, you can leave the gag ball in...
THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From the female perspective... "Is it in yet?"
-
From the female perspective... "Is it in yet?"
Sung to the tune of BTO's You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet
"I ain't felt nothin' yet
B-b-b-b-baby is that as big as it'll get
Here's somethin' just to easy to forget
B-b-b-b-baby I just ain't felt nothin' yet
You just ain't very big around."
-
Did you learn to fuck from your grandmother because you're a dead lay as well.
-
Where the heck did that Gerbil come from?
I've heard of going all natural but I'm going to need a machete and canteen if you expect me to go back in there.
-
God I hope we get twins out of that.
(nothing against twins of course ::) )
-
Dang girl.....your Dad was right about you.....
:(
-
Hmmm, you know, next time can you roll over, that way I can pretend you're a guy...
-
Do you mind if my three buddies take a turn? Meet Hector...Caesar and Cortez.
-
Yeah, your sister was right, she's better.
About my vasectomy, well...
What was your name again?
-
Who am I trying to kid, I won't come up with anything funnier that Cos. Just declare him the winner and let's move on. :lol
Right you were Podaar... That was a walk off grand-slam Coz. Gary gave it a good run, but cuddling is definitely inappropriate.
You be up Coz.
-
"I should have just cum in your shoe and let the flies take care of the rest."
EDIT: Damn...helps to see if a winner was already chosen. :facepalm:
-
As soon as I typed it, I must admit, I felt pretty confident. :lol
Standings:
jingle.boy - 12
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
Scorpion - 3
BlobVanDam - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
TOPIC: Lies cats would tell if they could talk.
-
There is no way I tore up the newspaper. I love reading the comics page. Garfield is the shit.
-
No....it's perfect normal to 'tuck' it and walk around singing "If you Want My Body"
-
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
-
No, of course you can't see me through this chair! How could you have known I scratched you?
-
I used to sing for Nitro.
I love you.
That bird was already dead on the floor when I woke up.
-
No. That is NOT mine! I cover my shit!
-
I only did it because the dog peed in the ficus pot.
You told me to pee on the stove element last week when I was up there trying to get at the fly. Remember, you told me to piss off? It's your fault. NOW WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOOD SLAVE?
-
PSSSS. I've got a genuine mouse here and it's only $10. It's a steal.
-
No, you're not the FOOD SLAVE....it's ....ugh....errr.....the neighbor. Yeah him.
-
What? No way, of course I don't think I'm better than you in every way possible. I legitimately care about you and love you... unlike your dog Spot, who's obviously just a selfish fuck.
-
"I love you."
edit: I should look at the replies first before posting..
-
But I could a sworn your leg was a scratching post.
-
" I was NOT licking my asshole. I was not! I wasn't.......I was licking around it. On the outside. "
-
" The dog tries to fuck me when you're not here. I swear!"
-
"I watch you while you sleep to make sure you're safe."
-
That's no mine!
-
You have bad breath because of your love of Funions.....not because I Pi$$ in your mouth when you sleep.
-
I bet you wish you could lick your balls too.
-
(https://sphotos-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/206658_1036581843894_2644_n.jpg)
Hutch?! I haven't been in your hutch. I have no idea how your stupid check book got chewed up. NOW FEED ME SLAVE!
That there is my preciousssss...my birthday present...my Margret-Elizabeth.
-
Oh for sure. Loved that visit to the doctor person. Getting my temperature taken was the best part.
My nuts? Nah, I wasn't planning on using them anymore.
I absolutely love this bell around my neck. The sound it produces makes me feel like it's Christmas every day of the year!
I love the smell of litter in the morning.
-
Fuck alarms. I'm your alarm.
-
I'm fine! *hack hack*. No, really. *hack hack* Don't worry about *hack hack haaaaaaaccckkkkk ckchhh* me. :walksaway:
Oooohhh.... I just love the way you pull my tail.
-
All great, but I guffawed at the Nitro comment. You up.
-
Thanks Cozmo. Know your audience! :lol
Standings:
jingle.boy - 12
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
(edit to avoid repeating previously done idea)
New scene: Rejected kids' books.
-
I vow to love you, cherish you, provide for you, and be by your side - until your sisters' boob job is complete.
-
I do until the new Halo game comes out then your on your own.
-
Your call on whether to continue Blob, but this topic has been done (I remember, because it was one I proposed).
Something you wouldn't expect to hear in wedding vows.
-
Your call on whether to continue Blob, but this topic has been done (I remember, because it was one I proposed).
Something you wouldn't expect to hear in wedding vows.
Thanks for pointing that out, jingle! So we don't get repeated answers, I guess I should change it.
New scene: Rejected kids' books.
AND IF THAT ONE HAS BEEN DONE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
-
Linda Lovelace And The Case Of The Missing Pole.
-
Optimus Prime: Backdoor Robot
Go the Fuck to Sleep!! (Narrated by Stryper)
Peter Cottontail Finds Some Beaver
One Fish, Two Fish, Three Fish, Douche.
Where the Sidewalk Ends... There's A Crack Whore Who'll Blow You For A Fix.
Hung Like My Little Pony
Let's Stuff Strawberry's Shortcake
-
Optimus Prime: Backdoor Robot
Go the Fuck to Sleep!! (Narrated by Stryper)
Peter Cottontail Finds Some Beaver
One Fish, Two Fish, Three Fish, Douche.
Where the Sidewalk Ends... There's A Crack Whore Who'll Blow You For A Fix.
Hung Like My Little Pony
Let's Stuff Strawberry's Shortcake
Fuck it, I'm out. :rollin
-
:lol
-
Green Eggs and Bukkake
-
Saggy, Baggy Tits
The Very Horny Caterpillar
Are You My Mother? (No need to change he title of this book :lol)
The Real Mother Goose (Please Stand Up)
Find Waldo's Dick
The Secrets of The Bunny Ranch
-
How to Make a Plastic Bag Helmet
50 Fun Things to Do with Broken Glass
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Doug Was So Bad His Mommy Stopped Loving Him
Mommy and Daddy Have A New Baby To Love Now (Preparing Your Child For Your Newborn)
Yes, It's Bad To Be Different
The Kitty Loves the Microwave
The Fun Things Up On The Roof
Strangers Have The Best Candy
Why Daddy Will Die If He Cant Touch Your Special Place
Some Puppies Can Fly
-
Hide the Snake when Mommy's Away
Nancy Drew takes on The Hardy Boys
The Cat Between Mommy's Legs
-
How To Meet Adults Online...by The Staff at 5/8.
Too soon?
-
Fun With Poo
Goodnight Homeless Drunk Hobo
Charlotte's Web of Lies
There's A Monster Under Your Bed
-
How To Meet Adults Online...by The Staff at 5/8.
Too soon?
I've got to know the back story on that
-
Fun With Poo
Goodnight Homeless Drunk Hobo
Charlotte's Web of Lies
There's A Monster Under Your Bed
:lol that's friggin funny
-
How To Meet Adults Online...by The Staff at 5/8.
Too soon?
I've got to know the back story on that
No back story... just being a wise ass. :biggrin:
-
:rollin
-
One Fish, Two Fish, The Red Fish Blew The Blue Fish
-
Green Discharge and Roast Beef Curtains
-
Little Red Riding Hood meets the Big Bad Ron Jeremy
Fuck Everlasting
The Lion, The Witch, and the Gangbang
Green Eggs and Ham (The Dangers of Artificial Coloring)
Cloudy with a Chance of Acid Rain
The Whorax
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Piranha
How the Grinch Stole My Wife
Puff The Magic Psychoactive Drug Addiction
-
Santa Ain't Real, And Neither Is The Love Your Parents Have For You
Birthdays Suck; Get Used To It
Don't Expect Life To Be Fair
How To Safely Cross The Road Without Looking
Purging Is Fun AND Healthy For You
-
You're Nothing But a Load Your Mom Should Have Swallowed
Afraid of the Dark? Boo Figgin Hoo....Man Up
Band Aids are for Sissys and Women
If you're Not the Bully then don't Come Home
-
Where The Wild Things Are Is In Your Closet Sharpening Their Fangs
Curious George In The Nether Regions
A light In The Attic, A Lab In The Basement
-
The Puppy and Kitten Evisceration Coloring Book
-
Wash your hands after touching mommies neck massager.
-
Who's asleep at the switch on this round?
-
I'm on it.
-
TWSS
-
Santa Ain't Real, And Neither Is The Love Your Parents Have For You
Ok, I'm giving it to jingle for this dose of bitter reality. Kids gotta learn some time.
-
:fistpump:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 13
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Zydar - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's scene: What not to do/say as you take your seat on an airplane.
-
You should see the size of the crack on the left wing.
Sure hope that burrito doesn't make a sudden appearance 'down south'
The Pilots name is Allah so we should be all good.
-
I always get nervous and constipated on flights, but don't worry, I took a bunch of laxatives and sleeping pills this time, so I think I'm good.
Hey baby, wanna join the mile high club later? Oh sorry, I didn't mean to wake your mother.
-
Ohhh. I ate some beans for dinner and now I'm full of air.
-
Where will you be when diarrea strikes?
I requested that they show 'Snakes On A Plane' on this trip.
-
Wait... are the guys in a bench row behind us Mexicans?
GOD ON HIIIIIIIGGGH
A MISTAAAAAAAAAAAKE
WILL MANKIIIIIIIIIIIIND
BE EXTIIIIIIIIIIIIINCT?
-
What an amazing conincidence! William Shatner AND John Lithgow on the same flight as me? This is gonna be awesome!
-
Hey, you're not supposed to wear the oxygen mask! Oh wait, that was your nose.
-
I hope this medication for crabs starts working. I've been scratching my ball sack for days.
-
Lets make a pact right off the bat.....if we crash in a remote location feel free to eat me. Because I'm going to eat you. Deal?
-
4-8-15-16-23-42
-
What an amazing conincidence! William Shatner AND John Lithgow on the same flight as me? This is gonna be awesome!
Fucking brilliant.
-
The Mile high club is boring. The real excitement is hand jobs on the Tar Mac. What do you say? You wanna knock one out for me?
-
What an amazing conincidence! William Shatner AND John Lithgow on the same flight as me? This is gonna be awesome!
Fucking brilliant.
I was curious as to whether or not it would make any sense to anyone. :lol
-
What an amazing conincidence! William Shatner AND John Lithgow on the same flight as me? This is gonna be awesome!
Fucking brilliant.
I was curious as to whether or not it would make any sense to anyone. :lol
I'm thinking it's a Twilight Zone reference, but I'm probably totally wrong.
-
Link (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nightmare_at_20,000_Feet)
-
I was trying to figure a way to work that into my quite before you unknowingly ninja'd me.
Damn, I can't believe they didn't find the balloons!!!!
-
Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
-
" I'll hang up when I'm good and goddamn ready lady!"
"AllahuAkbarAllahuAkbarAllahuAkbarAllahuAkbarAllahuAkbar..."
"I had this same pilot on a flight last week....You better strap that seat belt a little tighter."
"Goddamn! This herpes outbreak is killing me!"
"I hope they can move me to first class. I don't think I'd puke if I were sitting up there."
"If we're late taking off, I'll set this motherfucker on fire!"
"Once we take off, I'm getting the fuck outta here!"
-
What an amazing conincidence! William Shatner AND John Lithgow on the same flight as me? This is gonna be awesome!
Fucking brilliant.
I was curious as to whether or not it would make any sense to anyone. :lol
:lol I instantly got the Shatner part (surprise surprise), but didn't know how Lithgow played into it. :clap:
-
Would you hold this box cutter while I set the timer on my vest?
-
:lol
-
I hope this is a quick flight....this condom stuffed with heroin Ive got hidden is really a pain in the ass.
-
Where will you be when diarrea strikes?
Hopefully not sitting next to you!
Not sure why, but i chuckled hardest at this. Winner.
P.S. Sorry Coz, but I never saw that TZ episode, so the reference was totally lost on me.
-
Great ;D Thanks Chad!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 13
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 7
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
The scene: Rejected advertising slogans for the first patented X-ray goggles.
-
You get to see boobies, but it also means you get to see weiners. Sorry.
Find out if she's pre-op before handing over your hard earned cash!
Tall dark and handsome, or just two midgets in a trenchcoat? Now you'll never have to guess!
The goggles no longer do nothing!
Use them now before they're made illegal.
We legally can't suggest you eat a bunch of pennies and watch them go through, but if you do, it's totally awesome.
As you can tell, in my world "X-ray" goggles can see through just clothes. :zydar:
-
X-Ray specs! Approved by the 700 club!
-
X-Ray specs - for X-rayted fun!
-
You'll never be so close to the girls changing room.
-
You can't always screw em'......but you can still see thru em'
-
Kids, finally see what grandma has under that mumu....
-
Parents, you'll never need to wonder why 'Junior' is in the shower for 45 minutes anymore.
Gentlemen, never again will you be surprised when taking a 'lady' home from the bar, only to go south of the border and find sausage.
Pickup advantage #7 ... You'll know in advanced if she's trimmed the hedges.
Fuck Google Glass!
-
Statistically shown to increase the number of boobs you'll see over the span of your lifetime, by 3,000,000%!
-
X-Ray Specs! Find out how your intestines work!!
-
Pickup advantage #11... You'll know if you should hit on her tonight, or maybe wait another week.
-
X-Ray Specs! She'll know if she should put out with one look at you.
-
Did those ever really work? :lol
-
You'll never lose another game of "Spot the Jew" again!!!
-
X-Ray Specs. Where Jackie goes, she don't need no X-Ray specs.
-
I see London, I see France, I see you have a kidney stone....syphyllis, and you aren't very thorough when you wipe your ass.
-
You'll never lose another game of "Spot the Jew" again!!!
I laughed hard at this ;D
You're up, RJ!
-
Sweet, thanks bro!!!!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 13
gmillerdrake - 10
lonestar - 8
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
And the next scene...
Improper reactions at the reading of Grandpa's last will and testament...
-
So glad that S.O.B is dead
But wait.....who gets his glass eye?
Anyone want to trade for the colostomy bag?
What the :censored am I supposed to do with 36 coffee cans full of rusty screws and nails?
-
He left everything to the damn Shriners!?!?
Awe man! I wanted that 70s porn collection. Hairy bush's is where it's at!
Right then. Who's hungry? 'Five Guys' anyone?
Well sure... leaving his vintage car collection to the Ahmish makes total sense!
Well fuck a duck. I was wrong; he didn't have more money than brains.
It is a happy Vlasto Day!
-
Alrighty then. Lets wheel his dead ass to Denny's and get one last Brunch with his senior discount.
-
Wait... but what about his anal thermometer from the 1800's.... who gets the anal thermometer.. WHAT ABOUT THE ANAL THERMOMETER!! I WANT THAT ANAL THERMOMETER!!
-
For the first time Grampa looked relieved he can't hear Grandma anymore.
-
The proper girl in the hat just eye fucked the shit outta me.
-
The proper girl in the hat just eye fucked the shit outta me.
Sorry 'bout your luck. She just blew me in the bathroom 10 minutes ago.
-
Alrighty then. Lets wheel his dead ass to Denny's and get one last Brunch with his senior discount.
Winner, you're up man....
-
Alrighty then. Lets wheel his dead ass to Denny's and get one last Brunch with his senior discount.
Winner, you're up man....
Thank you kind Sir..
Standings:
jingle.boy - 13
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 8
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
masterthes - 1
soundgarden - 1
And the next scene...
The most odd/inappropriate/strange (etc. etc.) opening line for a Defense Attorney to utter while beginning his closing argument.
-
"Obviously my client is guilty, but..."
Thought I'd get the obvious one out of the way for everybody. :lol
-
Gotta make this quick, as I've been sporting wood for 3.5 hours.
The two yoots....
I'm Batman.
I'm not a layer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night
-
I'm not a lawyer, but I play one on TV.
-
Okay, let's get this shit over with - I'm late for my date with the Judge's wife...
-
"Let's face facts: the bitch had it coming."
-
Ah screw it... The Mexicans DID steal that Toyota.
-
And by the end of this, I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Col Mustard did NOT do it in the Study with the lead pipe.
Edit: had to change one word to make it for a "Defense Attorney" (after jonny quoted me)
-
And by the end of this, I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Col Mustard did indeed do it in the Study with the lead pipe.
:zydar:
-
Really? Sexual Assault is the charge? Look at the plaintiff ... she's got a face like a collapsed lung and a body by Burger King. Who would want to touch that?
Judy... what do you say you hold me in contempt in your chambers later? :heybaby:
The charge is human trafficking, organized prostitution, and drug possession. My client's name is Zydar. I got nothing.
-
'Can't you see he's the man, let me hear you applaud!'
-
Really? Sexual Assault is the charge? Look at the plaintiff ... she's got a face like a collapsed lung and a body by Burger King. Who would want to touch that?
Judy... what do you say you hold me in contempt in your chambers later? :heybaby:
The charge is human trafficking, organized prostitution, and drug possession. My client's name is Zydar. I got nothing.
Ahahahaha... :rollin
Look, the victim in question seems to have been raped by a Shetland pony...
-
Shit, I think that acid is kicking in....
-
:zydar:
-
:zydar:
Sounds like a plan.
Just look at the jury, and :zydar:.
Case won.
-
Hey, can we make sure that cash he paid me in is good before the jury takes these counterfeiting charges to deliberation....
-
People of the jury, I can sum up this case in just two simple words: titty sprinkles
-
Little bump for a couple more....
-
People of the jury, I can sum up this case in just two simple words: titty sprinkles
I have no idea what this means......that's why I like it. You're up!
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 13
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 8
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Let's try this one. Unused celebrity epitaphs
-
Don Adams (from Get Smart ) "Immortality...Missed it by THAT much!"
Count Dracula 1066
1244
1362
1435
1589
1744
1813
1969
Mama Cass:
"She caught a chickenbone in her throat
Which made her sing an angels note"
-
Amelia Earhart: Refused to ask for directions.
Christopher Columbus: Refused to as for directions.
James Bowie: Where'd all those Mexicans come from?
James Brown: Not feelin very good right now
Heath Ledger: And there ......... I ......... went.....
Kim Jong Il: I'm so ronery.
(and the not dead yet)
Morgan Freeman: You're hearing my voice as you read this.
James LaBrie: RAAAAWWWWWRRRRRR!
Willie Nelson: Pot ... not even once.
-
Michael Jackson -- White as a ghost I lay.
John Holmes -- You can pipe anything underground.
John Candy -- Sweet, I'm dead.
-
Chris Farley - Shoulda had decaf more often.
Steve Jobs - Three finger salute!
Martin Luther King - Livin the dream!
(And the not dead yet)
Arnold Schwarzenegger - I'm not coming back.
Arnold Schwarzenegger - It WAS a tumor!
-
Heath Ledger: And there ......... I ......... went.....
:clap:
-
Sadaam Hussein - Just Hangin' Out
Kurt Kobain - The Art of sitting Shotgun
Princess Diana - Ridin' Along in my Automobile.....
JFK Jr. - Up, down...left, right.......who really knows when you fly at night
Richy Valenze - From Star to impacted Meteor
-
jingle.boy wins. You're up sir!
-
Wahoo! Quick victory... I'll take it. Any particular one, or am I just totally covered in hilarity?!? :lol
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 8
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
The phrase/comment that elicits a response of "There's something you don't hear everyday".
(this is inspired by jingle.son's comment the other day - jokingly! - "This is my favorite episode of Honey Boo Boo")
-
Probably the Heath Ledger one
Justin Bieber is the John Lennon for the 21st century
That Miley Cyrus is so damn classy
-
Wahoo! Quick victory... I'll take it. Any particular one, or am I just totally covered in hilarity?!? :lol
No, I think it's more along the lines of you are full of.....something.....I just can't quite recall what it is you're completely full of.
:biggrin:
-
A Nun Queef.
ANY politician admit wrong doing.
-
Jenna Jameson say "That's too big"
-
A Priest stubs his toe on a door as he walks into a restaurant.....shouts "God Da%n It!"
-
JP: Let's write a short song. Under 8 minutes is short, right? Guys?
-
"I really don't mind having anal leakage."
-
But My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic IS a great show!
Shoot me, Hef ;D
-
Kim K: "I really regret that my claim to fame is getting hollowed out on video by some B-list rapper."
-
"I really don't mind having anal leakage."
There's something you don't hear every day!!
You be up.
-
"I really don't mind having anal leakage."
There's something you don't hear every day!!
Depends.
Thanks! I'll think of something soon I promise. It's 6:55 a.m. here and the coffee's not quite working.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 8
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Today's Scene: Too much information moments by the spouse of your boss.
[edit] I thought this would generate more interest. I'll modify it slightly to include: Things you never want to hear your the spouse of your boss say. [/edit]
-
"You know, the reason why he takes out his anger on you and your fellow colleagues is that his dick once got bitten off by a rabid chihuahua."
-
He hasn't asked invited you to the swinger's party we're hosting tomorrow?
I really don't mind anal leakage.
Toilet paper is just too damned expensive. I refuse to purchase anything you literally just flush away.
We absolutely love living in California. It beats living in Utah, where he just couldn't shake off the pedophilia charges.
If he didn't manscape, he'd look like he's wearing a cashmere sweater when he's topless. He's got a hairy ass too.
-
I wish I knew why he makes me wear your uniform to bed....
-
He told me one night in a drunken stupor that he wanted to drink your semen from a hollow removed dolls head.
It's difficult to please him due to his micro-penis.....so I just buy nursing kittens to relieve the stress for him.
Honestly, I thought it was odd the first time I found him lying in a plastic baby pool full of dish soap....but after I witnessed what those three drunk Mexican Men come and do to him every Thursday night....I agree it's best to thoroughly cleanse.
-
I'd like a threesome with you and my husband.
My husband would like a threesome with you and me.
My husband is a Belieber.
He masturbates to your Facebook photos every day and I can't stop it. Can you please change your privacy settings?
The first time we had sex he couldn't get it up.
I've had five abortions.
*enter random sex joke*
-
I wish I knew why he makes me wear your uniform to bed....
:lol
Winner, winner, chicken dinner (wrapped in bacon of course). Although it was very close...jingle nearly had the bounce-back victory by using my own play against me. :)
Your up chef!
-
Have you seen his third nipple?
-
Sweetness!!!!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
If the dog could speak, what would he say when walking in on his owner masturbating (male or female owner)
-
Meh.
Bet you wish you could lick that don't ya?
-
What? No peanut butter this time?
-
Want some help?
Again!?! Least he could've done is fed me first.
-
I wish I had thumbs...
-
You can't even reach it with your own mouth? Sucks to be you.
-
Wow....I had no idea a champagne bottle could be used like that....
Hey now....slow down there Master.....you want to leave some skin on that thing.....
Lookey there....you broke your record......5'-8" .....that's quite a distance for a wad to travel.
-
If only you knew what it felt like to rub that baby up against your own leg...
-
I wish I had thumbs...
This one gets the win, you're up Lucien...
-
Wow. Never expected to win this game. Thanks lonestar!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
If wasps could speak, arguments they would have with the people they sting.
-
God I hope you're allergic...
-
OK, just a little pinprick...
-
Suck it up buttercup! Try getting one of these in your hoo-hoo!
You'll never listen to Blue Oyster Cult's "Burnin' For You" the same ever again.
-
You'd sting the shot out of anything you could to if you had the life span of three days.
Don't act like you didn't like getting that rammed into you....
-
"Who you calling a WASP you JAP bitch?"
-
"Black and Yellow
Black and Yellow
Black and Yellow
Black and Yellow...STAB!"
-
You'd sting the shit out of anything you could to if you had the life span of three days.
Winner!
-
You'd sting the shit out of anything you could to if you had the life span of three days.
Winner!
Wow....a quick victory! I'll take it!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 12
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
Next Scene:
A Father pulls his daughters date to the side just as they are leaving and tells him this.........????
-
"Have you seen the movie Teeth? I'm just sayin'."
-
I know 17 ways to make death look like an accident. Curfew is 11pm. Have a great night!!
I have the weirdest boner right now.
Chavez, why do you have two buddies in the back of your Celica?
-
If you do anything to my daughter, I'll do the same to you............... and yes, that includes the sex stuff.
If she's not back home by 10, you won't make it home at all.
Pay for dinner, and I guarantee she'll put out.
I know Tae Bo, punk.
She has herpes, so I wouldn't if I were you.
-
You'll never listen to Blue Oyster Cult's "Burnin' For You" the same ever again.
:rollin :rollin
I take the weekend off and look what I missed. Canadians are forging crazy man!
-
I warmed her up for ya' boyo! [wink]
She was totally cleared of those mutilation charges a few years ago so don't worry too much. Still, try not to make any sudden moves.
Be careful of where you grope. She has anal leakage!
-
You know Freddie, while you were in the john, I planted some coke somewhere in your car. Do anything I would disapprove of in any way, and you're one phone call from a very uncomfortable - lube-free - rectal examination.
-
Out of the gate Chad was in the lead with two:
I know 17 ways to make death look like an accident. Curfew is 11pm. Have a great night!!
I have the weirdest boner right now.
But then BVD hit me with:
Pay for dinner, and I guarantee she'll put out.
I could honestly give Chad the 'W' near ever scene I judge cuz the dude just knows what I think is funny....but BVD ripped this victory from his hands.
You're up BVD!!!
-
Thanks! That jingle is always a tough one to look past. :getoffmylawn:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 12
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
Next Scene:
Australian pickup lines.
Do your worst.
-
Today is a g'day to mate.
I wanna throw my shrimp on your barbie.
-
You want to go outside? Ok, but you better do anal for that.
-
Howsabout we go back to my place, and you can eat my dingo, baby!
Wanna bend the banana of a Banana Bender?
-
You wanna see where the Croc bit me?
I love your beard, reminds me of me mum
What do you say you let my snake play in your pouch tonight?
-
Wanna head to my place and tie me kangaroo down?
-
Wanna check out this penal colony baby?
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b65Zf6r-RE
Edit: NSFW
-
(https://thumbs.newschoolers.com/index.php?src=https://i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh171/Rowengartner/272909002.gif&size=400x1000)
-
After I slam this Fosters I'm going to ride my 'surf board' all up in your 'great barrier reef'.
It's a good day to mate wouldn't ja' say?
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b65Zf6r-RE
Edit: NSFW
Thank you Coz.
-
I've been bitten by a Brown snake on my weenie.....could you please suck out the venom.....and anything else that happens to come out?
-
You call that an enema? Nah, this is an enema!
Let's go get pissed and impale my effigy of that fucktard Tony Abbott.
It's only as big 'round as a beer can, but it's long.
...and that's why it's named Manly Beach. My budgie-smuggler just wasn't large enough!
-
Why don't you come back to my place tonight for a little didjeridu practice?
Well now isn't that cute....you call your privates 'baby'. It just so happens my friends call me 'Dingo'
-
You know, I'd love to take a walk about around your Southern Hemisphere?
-
How about I demonstrate the Coriolis Effect on you with a nice counter-clockwise swirl?
-
Sorry for being slack (again), but I'm giving this one to gmillerdrake.
Why don't you come back to my place tonight for a little didjeridu practice?
-
Sorry for being slack (again), but I'm giving this one to gmillerdrake.
Why don't you come back to my place tonight for a little didjeridu practice?
Why thank you! Nothing says lovin' like a little late night didgeridu practice.....
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 13
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
masterthes - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
Next Scene:
Strange/Inappropriate...etc. Theme Park....it's name, and the name of its flagship ride.
-
Six Dildo's - Cock Mountain
Hairy Bush Gardens - Camel Toecoaster
Walt Disney World-Syria - The Chemically Haunted House (too soon?)
-
Six Dildo's - Cock Mountain
Hairy Bush Gardens - Camel Toecoaster
Walt Disney World-Syria - The Chemically Haunted House (too soon?)
I mean.....even if it were too soon, would that stop you? :lol
-
Syria - America
-
Redneck World - The Sister Lap Dance Experience
Boredom Land - The Line
-
The Bunker Amusement Park - Osama's Wild Bunker Ride Of Porn
-
Desertville - No Splash Zone :crypt:
Ahmish Place - Donkey-go-round
-
Alcatraz Amusement Park The Drowning Pool Ride! "IT'S KILLER!"
-
Convicted Sex Offender Land- The Touch Me There Fun House
-
Wet Dream World - The Blue Baller
Zydar Land - The Shocker
-
Graceland - Vomit Ride
Grapeland - Baller Coaster
Rapeland - Rapetown Clusterfuck Coaster
Cock Enterprise for Nudity Research (CERN) - Large Hardon Collider
-> I suck at this game
-
Six Flags Tuscany - Nightmare (you'll remember it :neverusethis:)
-
St. Louis Town Fair - La King Ring Toss (where you lose 4 out of 7 tries)
-
There were many good entries.....but this one had me immediately:
Redneck World - The Sister Lap Dance Experience
Great one! You're up masterthes.....
And Chad....
St. Louis Town Fair - La King Ring Toss (where you lose 4 out of 7 tries)
Thems' be fightin' words :saywhen:
:lol
-
Thems' be fightin' words :saywhen:
Thought you'd appreciate that.
Draw muthuh!
:huckleberry:
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 11
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Future title of Miley Cyrus' autobiography
-
Twerkonomics
Miley Cyrus: 50 Years of Wrecking Balls
-
My Achy Twerky Life
Twerking Hard Or Hardly Twerking?
-
What the fuck was I thinking?
-
From the grave: 27 years of Cyrus.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 13
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
BlobVanDam - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
Zydar - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Future title of Miley Cyrus' autobiography
Dude.....I throw you the 'W' and you take 2 victories from me? Chad must have sent you some of that good Canadian Moonshine as a pay off.... :lol
-
My Akey Breaky Vagina
The Secret Semen Diet of Hanna Montana
-
Miley Cyrus -- Who Gives A Fuck
-
Why didn't someone cunt-punch me in 2013?
-
Sorry, I just copy and pasted. I assumed everything was up to date
-
#WhenPeopleCared
-
Who's Dream Theater?
-
Blob should be at 5. I think you copy/pasted from the last page.
-
Blob should be at 5. I think you copy/pasted from the last page.
Oddly, that may work as a Miley book title?
-
From the grave: 27 years of Cyrus.
:rollin
-
Miley - How BlobVanDam saved my career.
-
How I shaved my own head and pussy by Miley Cyrus.
-
"Who Am I Kidding? I Can't Write a Book"
-
Zydar twerking hard wins
-
Zydar twerking hard wins
Nice! Thanks :tup
New topic: Explanations for getting out of a speeding ticket while having two clowns in the back seat.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 13
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Zydar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
-
Hey Zydar, can you fix those rankings? They were apparently copied from an older version. I'm supposed to be on 5, if you check back a bit in the thread, and a few other people's points are missing too. :tup
-
Okay, is that better?
-
Now that you've fixed up masterthes, it's all good. Thanks Zy. :hat
-
The unicycle was broken.
-
These three Mexicans stole their Toyota
-
Sorry officer.....we were in the middle of an intense game of 'hide the balloon dog'.
-
Well, officer, you look unhappy... let's put a smile on that face...
-
Why so serious?
-
I apologize, officer, Reverend Jackson and Mr. Sharpton are late for a speaking engagement.
-
I apologize officer but the midget clown painted like Zoro confused my comment "Shift the Stick"
-
Sir, please don't make me open the trunk.
-
"What? Those aren't clowns! That's their natural complexion, you racist fuck!"
-
My horn doesn't work so I drive around with these clowns.
-
Sorry officer, I was hurrying home so I could log into DTF to show everyone that the clown from ADTOE isn't the same one from the Circus Maximus cover! See!! They're both back there!!
-
Please officer, if I don't get Gene and Paul to the arena on time, they'll have to cancel the show.
This isn't what it looks like. I was just going to have sex with them and dump their corpses in the river.
Was I really speeding? I just figured time flies when you're having fun.
-
Please officer, the circus starts in ten minutes and I still have to pick up 28 of their friends to take them to the show.
-
Yes sir that flower he is carrying is loaded.
-
Please officer, the circus starts in ten minutes and I still have to pick up 28 of their friends to take them to the show.
Winner! :lol
-
Yay!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 14
gmillerdrake - 13
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Zydar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
-
Worst thing to type on a newscast teleprompter.
-
Chance of rain for Saturday and Sunday 95%.......Thanks, Obama.
-
Condoms in my Vomit
-
May I have your attention? Testicles. That is all.
-
Dawn the weather girl is a cheap whore.
-
Join us after the break as Robin demonstrates her excellent cunnilinguist skills on Tammy....
There was a shooting over night......my wad on your wife's chest.
-
This just in, I have the weirdest boner right now.
Jane, you're as useful as a cock flavored lollipop.
Fred, I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
-
And here's a shocker......a black teen shot another black teen last night.
-
I like-a to do the cha-cha
-
Murder. Young girl killed.
Desperate shooting at Echo's Hill.
Dreadful ending, killer died.
Evidently suicide.
I hate working for this dickhead station.
-
This just in.. someone shit in my pants..
-
And here's a shocker......a black teen shot another black teen last night.
Winrar.
-
And here's a shocker......a black teen shot another black teen last night.
Winrar.
Ah, Thanks! There were some good ones that round.
Standings:
gmillerdrake - 14
jingle.boy - 14
lonestar - 9
TempusVox - 5
kingshmegland - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Zydar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next Scene:
New Cable Station name(s).......and it's content.
-
Watch Paint Dry Network...watching paint dry 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
-
Animal Plant It- Round the clock animal porn.
-
The Fireplace Channel - a burning log on a loop.
The Sunset Channel - a sunset in a loop
The Aquarium Channel - an aquarium
P.S. those are all real channels up here.
-
MTV - A channel that shows music videos all day.
-
Celeb Web!
Featuring the hottest new reality shows of your favorite celebs surfin' the net.
Highlights!
Thurs 3:00pm - "Wreck-it Rough" - Miley Cyrus defends herself on twitter.
Fri 7:00pm - "Scowl in the Cowl" - Affleck responds to the online community's reaction about his role as Batman.
Sun 12:00pm - "Raped by a pack of n***ers" - Mel Gibson debuts his first online video sermon!
Mon 6:00 pm - "Lohan's Auto Suggestions" - How to... Cheat a drug test. Make good movies. Remove a really tight bracelet from your leg.
-
The Anatomy Network - Demystifying bodily functions 24x7
-
The Bulimia Channel -- Where we regurgitate shows.
The Alzheimer's Channel -- We're on some channel just search for us.
-
The Alzheimer's Channel -- We're on some channel just search for us.
:lol No need to go any further than that :lol
You're up King....
-
Standings:
gmillerdrake - 14
jingle.boy - 14
lonestar - 9
kingshmegland - 6
TempusVox - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Zydar - 4
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene -- You walk in on your parents naked and your Dad tells you........?
-
New scene -- You walk in on your parents naked and your tells you........?
Is there a word missing here? Should it be 'your parents tell you'? Or do I not get it?
-
Oops! fixed.
-
"This isn't really what it looks like - we are just having sex".
-
Hey son, want to help me DP your mother?
Oh hey, I'll give you a 20 to film us. And don't be shy, get right in there.
Well this is embarrassing. The Viagra hasn't kicked in yet, so you're not seeing me at full mast.
Does this look infected to you?
See that trainwreck there? That's your fault. Maybe if you hadn't taken 10 hours to squeeze your way out of that baby cannon, I'd still be feeling some friction down there.
-
I was in the pool!
Oh hi Jimmy. Is this your new girlfriend?
-
You haven't seen your sister and Grandmother have you? They left ten minutes ago to get some cooking oil and Bologna slices.
Hey watch this....your mom can swallow a whole Cucumber.
Oh son...good....can you give me a hand and wipe that semen out of your mothers eye? Our neighbor Fred was in a hurry and forgot to clean up after himself.
-
"Oh thank god you're here, son. String the garden hose in from outside and give us a squirt. We've been stuck here for 4 hours."
"Call 911. We've had a little superglue accident."
I've got to go with the obvious one here. "Get the fuck out of here you little shit. And knock before you open the door or we'll be going to the hospital to get my boot out of your ass!"
:biggrin:
-
You were right in calling me a motherfucker.
-
Um, yeah, sorry son, that's as big as it gets. You're kinda fucked, so if you want a wife better looking than old saggy tits here, you better be making some money.
-
Hey Buddy.....listen, do me a favor and go downstairs and wait by the front door......we have three guests showing up in about ten minutes......Hectar, Luis and Juan. Just send them up.
Son I had that same look on my face when I learned Dwight Gooden walked 87 batters in 1988.
-
No, I'm not hanging your mother.. I'll explain to you when you're older. Now go to bed and never tell anyone what you saw.
-
You were right in calling me a motherfucker.
:lol
Winna!
-
Twas a brilliant round.
-
You were right in calling me a motherfucker.
:lol
Winna!
Oh goodie ;D
New scene: The most unexpected sitcom duo/cast and the name for the show.
-
Standings:
gmillerdrake - 14
jingle.boy - 14
lonestar - 9
kingshmegland - 6
TempusVox - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
BlobVanDam - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
-
Björn Gustafsson and Thomas MacLean - 'We're secretly the same person'
-
Obama & Limbaugh in Barack & the Fat Man.
-
Geoff Tate and Axl Rose. Douchebaggery - That's Wot We Do!
-
Ron Jeremy and Stephen Hawking in "The Big Bang Theory"
Superman and Zod in "The Zodd Couple"
-
Superman and Zod in "The Zodd Couple"
Winner!
-
JJ Abrams and BlobVanDam - The Making of Star Trek 13.
King and Snapple - Pitching both ends of a double header.
Bosk and Itchy - This is my Domain!
Zydar and DarkLordLalinc - The Chloroform Tales
Edit: Ninja'd!!
-
Sorry jingle, yours were great too.
-
Thanks Zydar! Give me a minute to come up with a new one.
-
Standings:
gmillerdrake - 14
jingle.boy - 14
lonestar - 9
BlobVanDam - 6
kingshmegland - 6
TempusVox - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
-
New scene - Weirdest or most worrying thing for the doctor to say to you.
-
Now that's an interesting aroma.
I'm out of lube. You don't mind me going in dry, do you?
This is going to hurt... a LOT.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda turned on right now.
-
Three Semen Slurpee's a day should clear up that sore throat.
I recommend that after I remove these genital warts you use them as pizza toppings.
I received my PHd. while serving a 25 year sentence for beastiality animal mutilation.
-
OK, let's see what Obamacare really covers....
OK, I'm going to pull out now...
-
You have the weirdest boner I've ever seen kid. And I've seen A LOT.
Geez lady, when's the last time you douche'd? Smells like a skunk crawled up there and had a shart.
-
Uh oh...
-
Traditionally I wouldn't use my stethoscope in this manner, but the long cord makes it easily retrievable.
Now if you wouldn't mid returning the favor and asking me to turn my head and cough?
-
In an effort to relieve the financial burden of Dr. visits I've replaced all Co-Pays with just giving me a 'handy'......I'll meet you in patient bathroom 6, just gonna go grab the lotion.
-
No trust me the Affordable Health Care Act has tongue depressors being replaced by just using the Providers Penis. I know it's odd but hey....every little penny saved helps right? Now open up and say Ahhhhhh........
-
Bend over, cough and this tickle will cost you a thousand dollars.
So that's where I lost my watch!!!
-
Hello. My name is Dr. E, but you can call me Doc. Zydar! Now drop your pants...
-
So, while you were asleep I gave you some of my famous Two Ball Root Serum. That infection should clear right up.
-
Doctor: So, Mrs. Johnson....
Patient: But I'm a guy...
Doctor: Yeah....about that....
-
*while operating on a patient*
I'm not so sure if he needs that or not
-
70's porn music relaxes me. How about you?
-
It seems it often comes down to jingle and gmillerdrake. Why do you guys have to make this so hard?!
Speaking of hard, jingle wins it for this disturbing one-
You have the weirdest boner I've ever seen kid. And I've seen A LOT.
-
Thank you sir. The lead is mine again!!!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 15
gmillerdrake - 14
lonestar - 9
BlobVanDam - 6
kingshmegland - 6
TempusVox - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
The first words out of your mouth at a Dream Theater meet-and-greet.
-
"Hey guys, I've been practicing, will you let me back into the band?"
"FOREVER MORE. INTO THE NIGHT. BLISTERING."
-
Hey gents, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?
-
"Y U NO COME TO INDONZIEA?"
"Wanna see my third nipple?"
To JMX: "OH MY GOD! IT'S JACKIE CHAN!!!!"
-
I still believe, in spite of everything, that prog fans are truly good at heart.
-
Here's the deal.....for $10, a free guitar pic and if MM plays 'Wipeout' on my belly......I'll tell you what the Fourth Dance is.
-
Let me introduce, my brother.
-
Let me introduce, my brother.
:rollin
.......but please don't shake his hand, it's killing him.
-
Would you like to see my secret holy place?
Hey gents, have you accepted Kevin Moore as your Lord and Savior?
-
So I've been thinking.....the 'Evening With' dates should actually be a literal, Biblical 'With'. I've brought some K-Y and have had a few shots.......lets say we get a 'rehearsal in?
-
Oh My God....Hello guys.....wow, his is so unreal....you guys can't imagine what this feels like....I have the weirdest boner right now. Will you sign it?
-
"I don't really know who you guys are, but I have a pen...so what the fuck?"
-
So you're like the Smashing Pumpkins and have a girl bass player?!
-
I just hope the Asian guy doesn't tackle me
-
Asian guy in the band eh. You band must be Math Rock.
-
Asian guy in the band eh. You band must be Math Rock.
King had a couple of good ones. This gave a good chuckle, along with 'my brother'
You up!
-
:king: Thanks!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 15
gmillerdrake - 14
lonestar - 9
kingshmegland - 7
BlobVanDam - 6
TempusVox - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene: You are at a urinal you turn to the next guy and say?
-
Excuse me, but can you shake me off? I don't want to touch this thing.
I'll give you $20 for your pee. Mine's not going to pass.
That is the nicest penis I've seen all day.
Me touch?
Hey, that looks infected.
-
Damn that porcelain is cold!
-
Looks like you're daring a 'biter' also.....
What do you make of the puss my penis is oozing?
-
Swordfight?
-
Swordfight?
:ninja: 'd
Came in to post just that....only I was going to say "I haven't had a good sword fight in a while"
-
I'll race you to see who can get to 'full mast' first?
-
Wow, and I thought I was veiny....
-
I'm gonna stare at your junk until you gimme your wallet....
Why the hell is my wife's name on your cock?
-
Boy, I'd sure like to wrap my lips around that!
*receives strange look*
Not you, you freak! I'm on my Bluetooth! *points to headset*
-
Got a left hanger...huh? Funny how they just picks side and go with it.
Nice man-scape!
Holy Foreskin Batman!
-
holy crap :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
I'm not even going to add to this
-
Dad?
-
Well.....that's an odd, shiny color purple.
So you use the single finger aim technique as well huh? It's way more accurate than the below cusp guidance.
-
Well.....that's an odd, shiny color purple.
So you use the single finger aim technique as well huh? It's way more accurate than the below cusp guidance.
Response: Here's a single finger for ya!
-
Damn that porcelain is cold!
Perfection. Winna!
-
Damn that porcelain is cold!
Perfection. Winna!
To be completely honest, I use that one quite frequently.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 16
gmillerdrake - 14
lonestar - 9
kingshmegland - 7
BlobVanDam - 6
TempusVox - 5
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Rejected/working titles of well known movies.
-
Three Men :censored 'D the same whore. (3 Men and a Baby)
The Retard who could do no wrong (Forest Gump)
-
Everything you wanted to know about Woody Allen (But Were Afraid your not young and Asian enough to Ask)
-
Baked Red Potatoes (Fried Green Tomatoes)
-
"Want Some Candy Little Boy?" - Willy Wonka
"All This Over Some Dumb Whore" -The Unforgiven
"It's About Time'' -Castaway
-
Luke is your son.....Crap. -- The Empire Strikes Back.
-
Crazy Old Bastard (Gran Turismo)
-
Watch Al Pacino chew some scenery - The Devil's Advocate
-
Aliens aren't Short & Green they're Tall & Blue (Avatar)
Gills & Tasty Pi$$ (Waterworld)
Monday the 4th (Friday the 13th)
-
"Want Some Candy Little Boy?" - Willy Wonka
Disturbing enough to get the victory.
-
Thanks!!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 16
gmillerdrake - 14
lonestar - 9
kingshmegland - 7
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Bad songs to sing in prison.
-
"We don't have to take our clothes off.....to have a good time....oh no"
-
"I like big butts and I can not lie......"
-
"Oh Mickey you're so fine..you're so fine you blow my mind..."
"Why do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near...just like me, they want to be...close to you..."
-
" If you want my body......if you think I'm sexy....... "
"I'm....too sexy for my shirt......so sexy it hurts"
"My little buttercup.....has the sweetest smiiiiiiile.........Please little buttercup....won't you stay a while?
You and I could settle down in a cottage built for twooooooo.......dear little buttercup....I...love...you"
-
"We want information..information.......who are you? You are number three..... I AM NOT A NUMBER!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!! Hahahahahahahahah...."
-
Chain chain chaaaain. Chain of fools
-
Adam Sandler - At a Medium Pace
"You see that shampoo bottle, now stick it up my ass.
Push it in and out at a medium pace"
Led Zeppelin - The Lemon Song
"Squeeze my lemon until the juice runs down my leg"
-
My Chemical Romance - You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison
-
"Who wants to have their salad tossed.....salad tossed.....salad tossed....
Who wants to have their salad tossed cuz I love to toss salads"
-
The Beatles "I Want to Hold Your Hand"
-
Steel Panther - "It Won't Suck Itself"
-
"I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside"
-
Mike Portnoy's version of As I Am - "Eat my ass and balls"
Carlton Banks (doing Tom Jones) - It's Not Unusual
-
Kiss - Nothin' to Lose
Which I guess really only makes sense if you're familiar with the lyrics...
-
What what in the butt
What what in the butt
-
AC/DC - Cover You in Oil
-
What what in the butt
What what in the butt
Myung'd
-
"I feel so pretty, I feel so pretty and happy and gaaaayyyyyyyy......"
-
Nirvana - 'Rape Me'
-
How Deep Is Your Love- Bee Gees
For the love of god never sing this song!!
-
"Never gonna give you up ..."
-
From the captain obvious department.
Prison Sex - Tool
Although, that's not the least bit funny...
-
AC/DC - "Let Me Put My Love Into You"
-
Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love
"I wanna be your back door man, hey .... oohhhh.... hey .... ohhhh
Ooooooooooo-waaahhhhhh"
-
"Down in a hole... "
-
"Why do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near...just like me, they want to be...close to you..."
Winner...I would think its a bad idea never to sing ANY Carpenters song in prison.
-
Or sing Carpenters songs anywhere in public period
-
Thanks for the win TV, and a valiant effort by your Dawgs today, I was quite impressed.
I'll come up with a scene in the morning.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 16
gmillerdrake - 14
lonestar - 10
kingshmegland - 7
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New Scene: Excerpt from a best man's wedding speech gone horribly wrong.....
-
If I can offer one good piece of advice for later tonight, it's that she likes it in the butt.
-
"I love you, man. Seriously. Call me when you decide to divorce her."
-
It was a nice little surprise to find out that stripper had no gag reflex, huh?
-
....and you never did tell me if that rash cleared up, but then again...how many guys can say they slept with eight hookers in one night?"
...and I still hold dear the video you gave me of you and your then girlfriend, now wife's first fu%k! Man she is limber and I had no idea a tea cup could be used in that manner.
-
"...And I still can't believe the rest of her family don't know her dad is gay!"
"Dude, you have it made because if she's dumb enough to believe she's the one who gave you herpes, she'll believe anything!"
"I know what you said to me about only marrying her for her families money, but seeing the way you're looking at her right now, I can't help but think that somewhere, maybe deep down, you really do love her."
-
Despite her claims of fidelity, I have the paternity test results right here. You are NOT the baby's father!
-
...not many guys would marry a woman with a nub tail, and for that matter stick that tail in the places you've stuck that.
...and just so you know, your now father in law just gave me a "handy" in the restroom.
-
... not many girls would marry a man with a nub tail, and for that matter stick that tail in the places you've stuck that
-
...not many guys would marry a woman with a nub tail, and for that matter stick that tail in the places you've stuck that
... not many girls would marry a man with a nub tail, and for that matter stick that tail in the places you've stuck that
:daddy:
-
.....but damnit Johnny if you insist on still marrying Amy, I need to tell you this...and listen close.....it was three years ago and it all started the night Amy and I were driving to pick you up at the airport. Her Volvo broke down on the highway and we were picked up by three Mexicans......
-
Despite her claims of fidelity, I have the paternity test results right here. You are NOT the baby's father!
Yeah, as much as I hate giving the hoser a W, this one did it...you're up bro.
-
:happydance:
jingle.boy - 17
gmillerdrake - 14
lonestar - 10
kingshmegland - 7
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Not really a 'scene'.... add one word to any song title.
-
Live, Die, Kill, Fuck
-
Seven Seas of Pumpernickel Rhye
Whats Love Got To Do With It Bitch
Free BBQ Bird
Stairway To Hog Heaven
Master of Hand Puppets
Great Balls of Syphilitic Fire
-
Wait for Sleep Rape
-
Shaved Ice Ice Baby
You Can't Touch This Goiter
Blame it on the Acid Rain
Animal Love Bites
-
Blaze of Glory Hole
Down in a Butt Hole
Smells Like Teen Spirit Farts
-
Hessian Lemon Peel
Blackwater Amusement Park
Bad Mood For a Day
Octopus's Calimari Garden
-
I've Got You Under My Foreskin
-
Light Fuse And Get Away From The Fat Dutch Prostitute
So What If I Jerk Off On The Street?
Why Does It Hurt When I Pee With My Pants On?
Walk On Mr. Mitchell's Lawn
The Enigma Wankery Machine
It Was You Not Me Who Came Up With This Shitty Song
Who's Gonna Clean Up The Poop,You Or Me?
-
Interstate Corn-hole Love Song
-
*snip*
add one word to any song title
-
For Those About To Soft Rock
Let's Put The X in Sex Backwards
-
What's Up There Pussycat
Alternate:
What's Up Your Pussycat
-
Sailing the Seas of Richard Cheese
Hamburger Coltrain
-
Living on a Satanic Prayer
Come as you Are Whore
Happy Birthday to you Dickhead
Gay Love in an Elevator
Talk Dirty to Me Mom
Beat It Softly
YYZ 123
-
Telephone Number of the Beast
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin', Leavin'
Trapped Under Ice Capades
The Man Who Sold The World Crack
The Raven That Refused to Sing Karaoke
-
Catfish Boogie Nights
Plexiglass Toilet Conundrum
-
Jesus Wants Me For a Freakin' Sunbeam
That Floral Smell
While My Guitar Gently Weeps Pus
Neon Silly Knights
Highway Star Fish
On The Backs of Hell's Angels
Spanish Fly Castle Magic
Opus Insert Finger
-
Wish You Were Not Here
The Wrong Number of the Beast
Sweet Underage Child Of Mine
-
Light My Ass Fire
-
Baby Got Back Zits
-
Recycled Material Girl
-
Hand In My Pocket Scratching
A Rush Of Blood To The Penis Head
Knocking On Heaven’s Back Door
-
Bitch, I've had the time of my life
Hell's Kitchen Nook
Cocks Like a Rock
-
Gotta give it to the Drake for these gems
Baby Got Back Zits
Talk Dirty to Me Mom
You Can't Touch This Goiter
-
Ahhhhhh...thank you my fine Canadian Amigo....
jingle.boy - 17
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 10
kingshmegland - 7
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Startling/shocking/inappropriate etc. etc. revelation(s) a teacher notifies you of about your child at a parent teacher conference.
-
English Teacher: "Your son's member is the biggest I've ever seen in my career."
Science Teacher: "This quarter were going to be teaching intelligent design at the request of your daughter."
-
I was pleasantly surprised to find out your daughter has no gag reflex. Must be hereditary since her younger brother doesn't either.
I just had to give her an A on how she used of an assortment of vegetables, balloons, 21 year old scotch, and KY in this years science fair. Gave me something new to try at home.
-
Can't say I was thrilled when he "out showed" me in a class game of "show me yours and I'll show you mine"
-
You need to teach that autistic kid of yours to shut his pie-hole on Monday mornings, cuz I'm usually hungover like 90. To be honest, I'm a little toasted right now.
I hear you had an interesting trip a couple of weeks ago Mr. Hurst. Little Johnny told me he heard you talking to your wife about making a special visit to "brown town"?
Your daughter charges way to much for an 8-ball.
-
They call me Heisenberg, and your kid sucks at chemistry.
-
Bump for a few more entries.....
-
So Knuckles..er..Jimmy, he really needs to work on sticking to the Vegas odds and not going for the off shore odds. Little fucker cost me a six game parlay last week.
-
These were early favorites......but then the level of disturbation hit me..... :(
I was pleasantly surprised to find out your daughter has no gag reflex. Must be hereditary since her younger brother doesn't either.
I just had to give her an A on how she used of an assortment of vegetables, balloons, 21 year old scotch, and KY in this years science fair. Gave me something new to try at home.
Gonna go with the Top Chef for this one:
Can't say I was thrilled when he "out showed" me in a class game of "show me yours and I'll show you mine"
You're up ! :tup
-
Thank you kind sir...
jingle.boy - 17
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 11
kingshmegland - 7
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Zydar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
And the next scene...
Rejected McDonald's menu items....
-
McWhopper
-
McShrooms
Tastiness
-
McGuyver - Ingredients include paper clips, shoe laces, and a balloon.
-
McZydar with special sauce
The McCoy - dammit Jim, it's a burger, not a dessert!
-
Beef
-
McFood - now contains real "food"
-
McNuts
-
McIntosh - comes with an Apple
-
The McEboli Chicken Salad
The McSemen Smoothie
The McRoofie Strawberry Shake
-
The McSemen Smoothie
The McRoofie Strawberry Shake
The McAkke Vanilla Shake
-
Apple Pie with McBlow powdered frosting
-
McMoonshine
-
Hi! I'll have a McWater.. with extra McIce please.
-
Turkey Baconator
McArrhea Chocolate Shake
-
Warm McSausage Suprise.....comes with a wet nap.
-
McBearded Clam Chowder
Stuffed McTaco....served with Medium Rare Tube Steak
-
Dollar Menu Items:
McHandy Happy Ending
McJust the Tip
McSalty Shot of Protein
-
McSick Fucker
Wait ... That's Gary.
-
Mcweiner - It texts it's junk to you.
Mcdashian - It's only eaten by African Americans.
-
McSick Fucker
Wait ... That's Gary.
I think that's a compliment coming from you Chad. :lol
-
McGuyver - Ingredients include paper clips, shoe laces, and a balloon.
Yup, had me laughing silly here. You're up my man....
-
McGuyver - Ingredients include paper clips, shoe laces, and a balloon.
Yup, had me laughing silly here. You're up my man....
Nice!
jingle.boy - 17
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 11
kingshmegland - 7
Zydar - 6
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene: What you DON'T want to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates.
-
Oh sorry, you must have taken a wrong turn. You were supposed to take the highway, not the stairway.
Shit, this isn't the guy I was thinking of......
Oh my god, I'm so glad you're here! I mean, you're going to hell right after this, but I just had to meet you to tell you that you were awesome.
You're a dick.
-
Wanna see my 3rd nipple?
-
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
Damn, I gotta apologize man, I was aiming for your wife. What a fine piece of ass she is...
-
Pros: It's heaven
Cons: No boobs
Still want in?
-
Welcome to Australia, mate!
-
Well my son.......life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?
-
Hey....new guy, come over here and watch this. I'm about to smite all non-believers of Christ with a incurable festering blister on thier genitailia. Is gonna be great!
-
Gee, I didn't know the circus was in town
-
Welcome! We have unlimited virgins here.
I know you figured you were going straight to hell for that time in '01 ... you remember, the gimpy kid in the wheelchair fell down in the middle of Main St, USA at DisneyWorld trying to save his ice cream cone, then the seagull stole it and then crapped on his head. Don't sweat it ... I lol'd too.
I know Luis downstairs really wanted you, and maybe deserved so for all those hostages you took over the years. But DarkLord, I need your expertise up here. I've got a virgin quota to fill.
-
You look terrible.
-
"Sup nigga?"
-
Who are you?
-
Hey man, got any plans for next week?
-
Hope you got your fill of metal, cause it's 24/7 Karen Carpenter up here...... (kill me please)
-
You twerk even once, you're going to the basement.
-
Dude....you are SO LUCKY she was only your cousin by marriage.
Due to a recent shut down in the Heavenly Legislature....you have to pick one, would you like a Halo or Wings?
Dude.....you are SO LUCKY he was only your cousin by marriage.
-
Finally! We haven't seen someone here in a LONG time. Our estate is a lot less populated than I thought it would be by now.
-
I know you thought you weren't going to make it here, but I'll spot you the J-Lo years as your own personal hell, Mr. Affleck.
-
You?!?! I gotta talk to the board, they'll let any fuckstick in here now...
-
kingshmegland?! More like burn in hell!!
-
Adolf will give you the tour now
-
Who said the gates were made of pearls? :zydar:
-
To get in you have to watch Miley Cyrus perform live.
-
You twerk even once, you're going to the basement.
So true. Chad is the winner!
-
Cool! Will get a scene up later today when I'm not on my iPad.
-
New Scene: The worse possible scene ideas!
GO!
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 18
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 11
kingshmegland - 7
Zydar - 6
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 4
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene - "Gentlemen... please put your hands together and welcome to the stage ____________"
Bad stripper names.
-
Suzy Swamp Snatch
Genital Jane
-
Zydar and his amazing, dancing penis.
-
The Loose Caboose
Fifty Cent
Sperm Dumpster
Lindsay Lohan
Pussy Ga-whore
-
Your mom
-
Tickle my Tonsils Tracey
Regina the Rectal Artisan
-
Pam the Pearl Juice Collector
Randy Watson
-
Amputee Amy
-
The Randy Rancor!!!!!
Coldsore Cassidy!!!!
MethMouth Myrna!!!!
-
Ophelia Leggs
Eileen Dover
Doug
Candace D'kfetenyamov (she's Ukranian)
-
"Amanda Reconwith"
"Gentiel Hairpiece"
"Suzan Goiter"
-
SpongeBarb Tampax
Hilary Cliton
Mulva
-
Rupaul
-
Olympia Eenus
Ophelia McCracken
Amanda Skies
-
SpreadEagle
HIV Factory
Skinny Minnie and her crew of Ping Pong Ball Smugglers
-
Roseanne Barr
-
Roseanne Barr
Meredith Eaton
-
Your mom
:lol :rollin
-
Cottage Cheese Candy
Pookie LaDouche
Silicone Sally
Daisy Puke
Cialis
Smegma
Cesarean Sue
Gonorrhea Jones
-
Please welcome CHLAMYDIASAURUS!!!
-
Tuscan Pipesucker
-
Please welcome CHLAMYDIASAURUS!!!
Lydia Chlamydia
-
Mulva Meatflaps
-
Incontinencia
-
Mulva Meatflaps
Roast Beef Curtains
-
Bea Arthur
-
Zydar almost got the boomerang win with Amputee Amy, but this got me giggling the most.
Doug
Just envision it... "Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Doug" :|
:rollin
-
Awesome. And no, I have not been unfortunate enough to see "Doug" on stage. :lol
Standings:
jingle.boy - 18
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 11
kingshmegland - 7
Zydar - 6
TempusVox - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene - Meteorologist pick up lines
-
Baby, rarely have I seen such a warm front.
-
Nice to meet you Dawn. Looks like I'll be rising at 6:16am tomorrow on your crack.
-
Hey Leslie....I can guarantee you 8 inches overnight with about 3 ounces of 'precipitation'
-
I can see right down here, south of the equator, there's a lot of moisture building up.
Looks like (hurricane) Hank did considerable damage in Louisiana.
I recommend putting your rubbers on.
-
I'm looking forward to losing my face in your Bermuda Triangle.
The sight of you in those short shorts gives me an immediate warm front.
As you can see you have the full attention of the antenna on my Doppler radar
-
Tonight a front will be over you and it's mine.
Can you use a pointer?
I'd love to pick you up but I've used all my crappy lines on TV.
-
Have you ever worked as a weather girl?
-
I've got a large mass coming in that will blow over by the morning.
I'm Brick Tamland. It's inappropriate to touch little girls when their parents aren't in the room. Are your parents in the room?
-
I'm Brick Tamland. It's inappropriate to touch little girls when their parents aren't in the room. Are your parents in the room?
:rollin
-
Hi, I'm a weatherman. Wanna fuck?
-
Hey baby, wanna see my lightning rod?
You're hotter than an Indian Summer
Can I play with your weather balloons?
The snow is blowing how about you?
Hows about you suction my vortex?
I wanna make your jet stream
Tonights forecast...100% chance of love!
-
Be careful in the mountains tonight....there will be a log flume working its way back and forth between them all night long.....which will increase the chances of a sudden, powerful spill.
-
Hi, I'm a weatherman. Wanna fuck?
Nice. Direct. Winner.
-
Thank you! Thank you!
Standings
jingle.boy - 18
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 11
TempusVox - 7
kingshmegland - 7
Zydar - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene - Rejected Concepts for Muppet Characters
-
Bearded Clam
Slim Jim and the twins
Moose Knuckle
Shelly the sharting shark
Rusty and his trombone
-
Charles the HIV Virus
Jake the Removed Appendix
Vagina Face Julie
-
Hector the Three Headed Mexican
-
Drunken Pedophile Uncle Jim Bob
Sexually Handsy Aunt Susie
-
Methmouth
Overcoat Oliver
-
Overcoat Oliver
:rollin
-
Hung the shetland pony
Thirsty leach
Saul the excitable sloth
-
Chloe the Coked Out Whore
-
Masturbation Mikey
-
Georgia Peach Fish
-
Plasto the drunken nerf ball.
-
The tiny Lebowski
-
Floptwat
-
Plasto the drunken nerf ball.
:rollin
-
Goiter Greg
Gimpy Gary and his red ball of wonder
-
Cialis Breath Chad
Inappropriate Tickle me Uncle
Brown Star Gypsy
Fallopian Fey
Ludwig Vas Deferenes
Cindy Cervix
-
WTH?! Now it's just getting personal.
Goiter Greg
Gimpy Gary and his red ball of wonder
Cialis Breath Chad
Chad the Chode Chancre and the Interstate Tres
:lol
-
Methmouth
Overcoat Oliver
Each of this were great! Winner!
-
Sweet, thanks bro!!!!!!
Standings
jingle.boy - 18
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 12
TempusVox - 7
kingshmegland - 7
Zydar - 6
BlobVanDam - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
And in the spirit of the holiday.....
Most inappropriate things for trick-o-treaters to say to get candy....
-
Hand me the candy, you fucking cocksucker.
-
"Just so you know, I have no gag reflex."
-
Give me that candy or I'll blow your kneecaps off.
-
Pack me some fudge, you fudgepacker.
Homeowner: Oh how cute. How may I help you?
Kid: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! And you can give me a fucking full sized candy bar: a fucking Snickers, a fucking Oh Henry, a fucking Payday, a fucking Wonderbar! Four kinds of chocolate and nuts!
Homeowner: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Kid: And I really don't care for the way your house is in the middle of fucking nowhere with a fucking driveway the size of fucking Montana. And I really didn't care to fucking walk, up that fucking driveway, and across a fucking moat to get here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking candy bar, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Homeowner: May I see your UNICEF box?
Kid: I threw it away.
Homeowner: Oh boy.
Kid: Oh boy, what?
Homeowner: You're fucked!
-
Hand me the candy, you fucking cocksucker.
:rollin
I literally just burst into laughter!
-
Hi, I'm a weather man. Wanna fuck?
-
Yea, that's my mom. Last winter out on the Interstate she got corn-holed by three Mexicans in a micro-bus and it barely left a mark.
-
Quick bump for a few more responses, I'll pick a winner in the morning.
-
If you want the good stuff it's gonna require a quick ride on my 'broom'......
I'll give you a full size Snicker if you tell me if your mommy and daddy are still fighting.....and if he's moved back home yet?
Sorry kid.....diabetes just called and he asked me for the love of God not to give you any more sugar.
-
Hi, I'm candy. I'll turn tricks for treats!
Pardon my interruption, kind resident, but do you have any grey poupon?
I'M BATMAN. THIS IS THE CANDY I DESERVE, BUT NOT THE CANDY I NEED RIGHT NOW.
-
If you want the good stuff it's gonna require a quick ride on my 'broom'......
I'll give you a full size Snicker if you tell me if your mommy and daddy are still fighting.....and if he's moved back home yet?
Sorry kid.....diabetes just called and he asked me for the love of God not to give you any more sugar.
Oops...I reversed the Scene.....let me modify.....
I'll take a quick ride on your "broom" for that full size Snickers?
I'll tell you what my mommy says she'd like to do to you now that daddy's gone for 8 Mini Milky Ways....
-
If you give me that Butterfinger I'll suck on your Jawbreakers
:justjen
-
Hey fat a$$.....gimme your candy cuz your tub o lard certainly doesn't need it.
-
I'll show you mine if you show me a peanut butter cup.
-
Pardon my interruption, kind resident, but do you have any grey poupon?.
If a kid said this, I'd give him my whole bowl and close for the night.
You're up animator.
-
Thanks chef!
Standings
jingle.boy - 18
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 12
TempusVox - 7
kingshmegland - 7
BlobVanDam - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene: Public holidays that never took off.
-
Manson's Birthday
-
Vlasto Day
Steak and BJ Day
Hitler's Day of Diversity
Sodomy Saturday; followed by Dissentary Monday
-
Vlasto Day
:rollin
-
No Oxygen Day
-
Reply to Nazis Admins Commemoration Day
-
Reply to Nazis Admins Commemoration Day
:rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Touchy Feely Uncle Day
Peeping Tom Day (Mandatory blinds/shutters/curtains open all day and night)
-
Michael Jackson Day
International Suit-Up Day
Collective Suicide Day
-
Smell your neighbors butt hole Day.
-
Forks in light sockets day
-
Hitler's Day of Diversity
Winner. You're up.
-
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 12
TempusVox - 7
kingshmegland - 7
BlobVanDam - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
Sir GuitarCozmo - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene: things you'd love to say out loud at work.
-
Aaah ah ah ah ah ah yeah, fuck me, ah, fuck, aah yeah
-
I came here to chew bubble gum.....and kick ass.....and I'm all out of bubble gum.
-
Hmm, tough one for me since there really isn't much that I would hold back from saying at work.
-
Hmm, tough one for me since there really isn't much that I would hold back from saying at work.
Yeah, I remember my restaurant days.....there really isn't a phrase, impulse or fantasy that wasn't voiced at one time or another. In fact, looking back on it.....I'm fairly certain I sexually harassed every waitress I ever came across. Nothing to be proud of by any means....but it did happen. Those were some thick skinned....BS puttin up with ladies.
-
Yup, gotta love 'em.
-
(Each and every time it happens).....I FARTED AND IT SMELLS WONDERFUL TO ME
-
PC load letter? What the f*ck is PC load letter?
-
DO YOU EVEN OFFICE BRO?
-
Aaah ah ah ah ah ah yeah, fuck me, ah, fuck, aah yeah
Even with more submissions, this prolly would've taken it. Coz obviously knows where my funny bone is.
-
Hahaha, very nice.
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 15
lonestar - 12
TempusVox - 7
kingshmegland - 7
BlobVanDam - 7
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene: Celebrity endorsements doomed to fail.
-
Verne Troyer for "George Richards Big and Tall Menswear"
Kanye and Kim for "Baby Names"
Kenny Rogers for "Facelifts of Nashville"
Gene Simmons for "Cialis"
SirGuitarCozmo for "The Grand Ole Opry"
-
Jack Nicholson for "Remy Martin "
Related but possibly too obscure of a reference.
Oliver Cromwell for "Crown Royal Whiskey"
-
David Lee Roth for Coke
Bea Arthur for Maybelline
Michael Jackson for Disney World
-
Mandingo for "Liquid Wrench" - penetrating oil
-
Chris Brown gloves - to slap your girlfriend with
-
Geoff Tate for iPhone protective phone cases.
Ozzy Osborne for Rosetta Stone
John Petrucci for Hugh's Dry Chicken Rub
-
Ozzy Osborne for Rosetta Stone
John Petrucci for Hugh's Dry Chicken Rub
:lol
-
Lindsay Lohan for 'Safe Driving Techniques'
Jerry Sandusky for 'Baby Oil'
Mike Portnoy's 'Guide to Graceful Exits'
-
Mel Gibson -- Jewish for Dummies
-
Mel Gibson -- Jewish for Dummies
:lol
-
Sir GuitarCozmo -- Abstinence
-
How to Treat Your Ex Wife ....by OJ Simpson
The Joys of Celebacy .....by Tiger Woods
-
Sobriety through Jesus- Charlie Sheen
-
Steven Seagal - Acting For Dummies
-
Are these book titles or products?
-
Are these book titles or products?
It appears to have shifted towards book titles....or maybe community college courses
-
Paula Deen for Jet Magazine
George Wendt for Hanes Underwear
Ricky Gervais
Snoop Dog/Lion for Jello Pudding
Marilyn Manson for Fischer-Price Toys
Cee Lo Green for One a Day Vitamins
Christopher Walken and Robert Wagner for Windstar Luxury Yachts
-
Paula Deen for Jet Magazine
George Wendt for Hanes Underwear
Ricky Gervais
Snoop Dog/Lion for Jello Pudding
Marilyn Manson for Fischer-Price Toys
Cee Lo Green for One a Day Vitamins
Christopher Walken and Robert Wagner for Windstar Luxury Yachts
Not even the bad products want him. :lol
Bruce Willis for Chia Pet.
-
I think initially maybe I was thinking like commercials or something but it doesn't matter. Everything is open game.
-
Angry Birds....The Live Experience , by Danny DeVito
-
Woody Allen as Godaddy.com's new spokesperson
Lorena Bobbitt for Ginsu knives
Colin Mocherie for Rogaine
Barrack Obama for Ancestry.com
-
Mike Tyson for Care.com
-
"Hi. I'm George Zimmerman for the United Negro College Fund...reminding you to remember that a mind is a terrible thing to waste."
:facepalm: too soon?
-
*snip*
Barrack Obama for Ancestry.com
:lol
-
Lots of great stuff this round, but these two took it:
Jerry Sandusky for 'Baby Oil'
Mike Portnoy's 'Guide to Graceful Exits'
-
Man....I felt like Chad for a while there.....was suffering from a horrible dry spell. :biggrin: but thanks Coz for the 'W'
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 16
lonestar - 12
TempusVox - 7
kingshmegland - 7
BlobVanDam - 7
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New Scene:
Name a celebrity/athlete/famous person to run for political office, and their campaign slogan. Obviously the more outrageous/odd the better.....
-
Sandy Duncan - "I'll keep an eye out for you in Washington."
-
Sandy Duncan - "I'll keep an eye out for you in Washington."
spit take!!!! :rollin
-
Joe Philbin - I'll know everything that my staff is doing
(too soon?)
Rob Ford - Back for another drunken stupor
Jonathon Quick - Everything is under control
Mel Gibson - Who needs the Jewish or female vote?
Christopher Walken - Moar Cowbell!
Harvey Keitel - Let's not start suckin each others' dicks just yet.
-
Lindsay Lohan - " I will lower the drinking age to... *blacks out"...
-
Kim Kardashian -- You can get behind me.
Tori Spelling -- A long and caring face you can trust.
Sylvester Stallone -- A wuuu yod mont uduo trut.........ADRAIN!!!!!
-
Lorena Bobbitt - I'll cut our national defecit clean off
Wayne Brady - Is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a senator?
-
Oprah - a tax cut for you, and you, and you .... and you, and you're getting a tax cut. Tax cuts FOR EVERYONE!!!
Ian McKellan. Those laws shall not pass :gandalf:
-
Mr. T - "I empathize the simpleton who does not think they will benefit from my presidency."
-
Derek Sherinian - "Making history. And you?"
Kevin Moore - "I don't like politics that much, but I had some money and a voluntarily campaign manager, so what the fuck?"
-
Traditionally if I'm choosing a winner and the weekend hit I'd bump it for some last minute entries. But the truth is it'd be tough for me to choose any over this one:
Kim Kardashian -- You can get behind me.
:lol Good one King.........you're up!
-
I bet you bumped this for a reason. :neverusethis:
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 16
lonestar - 12
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 7
BlobVanDam - 7
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene. What if NASA had advertisements on their shuttles and the products slogans?
-
Tourism Earth: Don't mind the cluster fuck we created.
The Great Wall of China... have a look, it's right there.
NRA for Life! You'd better be packin if you're gonna stop by for a visit.
-
Blast Off !! - For those pesky Genital warts that won't disappear with conventional creams or treatment, use 'Blast Off'!
-
<my previous post was in advertising while in space. While on the ground ...>
Depends - helping you go longer than 10 years without an incident.
-
Re-Entry Weight Loss - "Tired of dieting and exercise? Then join us at Re-Entry Weight loss where your whisked into space for a 10 minute viewing of The Great Wall of China in partnership with jingle.boy enterprises.....then stripped of your space suit right before re-entry. The extreme temperatures of re-entry will then melt away those pesky pounds as your body literally loses all fluid in the form of sweating, bleeding eyes/ears/nose and butt hole, and stringy uncontrollable salivating. You fully dehydrate and in some cases you actually disintegrate completely. But one thing is for sure...you'll lose those problem pounds"
-
So here are several for NASA itself:
NASA: This Space For Rent
NASA: Back to the moon...eventually....probably...maybe...we hope.
NASA: All we really do now is take pretty pictures.
NASA: We Like Acronyms.
Here are some others:
Virgin Galactic: Building Better Rockets Than This One!
Port-A-Potty...Circling the Globe in Shit.
Valtrex...Stops Space Herpes!
Sirius/XM introduces the new Nickleback Channel...nothing but Nickleback 24/7...Because in Space No One Can Hear You Scream!
-
Red Bull: We Have A Better Space Program Than NASA. Ours Is Actually So Good, We Advertise It On NASA's Shuttles!
-
Judge this thing King!
-
Sirius/XM introduces the new Nickleback Channel...nothing but Nickleback 24/7...Because in Space No One Can Hear You Scream!
I lost it here! This is the winner but Chad, I know Temp is having surgery and won't be able to start the next one so please pick the next round for him.
-
Ok then
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 16
lonestar - 12
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 7
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next scene - Bad nicknames
-
Stubby
Bleeds a lot
Shankar
-
Droopy
Slapnuts
Swallow
-
Little Dick
-
Fister
Woman
-
Puddles
Buttons
-
Pirate
Bear
The Wizard
The Genie
... wait a second.
-
Arm Pit Slapper
-
If TV's checking, I'll let him judge. Otherwise, open for more entries, and I'll call it tomorrow sometime.
-
Syphyllis Lips
Underage Eddie
-
Squishy pants
-
Jingle Boy
-
Captain Slapnuts
-
Slapnuts
Captain Slapnuts
WTF bro? :p
-
Slapnuts
Captain Slapnuts
WTF bro? :p
Shit...didn't see that. :lol
-
Sperm-burpin' Skankasaur
-
Doug
-
Jingle and King, thanks for the assist. Rough night pain wise last night, so please feel free to judge the winner. Again, thank you.
Btw...great scene. When I first saw it I immediately thought "Scabs" would be a really bad nickname. :lol
-
Buttons
Winner... every time I envision a buddy of mine calling me "Buttons", I start envisioning how I'm gonna sucker punch him.
-
Hehe, it was actually a nickname I used for a salad cook I worked with. He had the same reaction. :lol
I'll post something when I get home from work.
-
I just had an Animaniacs flashback
-
I just had an Animaniacs flashback
That's where the nickname initially came from, the dog...."silly buttons...."
OK, the scene....
Strange/inappropriate things to say when the priest feeds you the host (that wafer at communion that represents the body of christ)
-
This is cooked medium rare....right?
This isn't the a$$ or balls is it?
Could I get a couple more of those....I had a long...fun...weekend in Vegas.
-
"The body of Christ... Less filling, but tastes great."
-
-slaps out of hand-
bitch bring me a sandwich
-
Is this Kosher?
-
Ughhhh.....I got a toenail.....
-
You look like the boy that opened his mouth for me last night.
-
Wait Padre...this is a dried nipple!
-
You look like the boy that opened his mouth for me last night.
:slowclap: Disturbing. Very disturbing. ;)
-
That hit the spot! How about a bit of John the Baptist for dessert?
-
You look like the boy that opened his mouth for me last night.
:slowclap: Disturbing. Very disturbing. ;)
But wait!
Is all your other orifices as good looking as this one?
-
Betcha can't eat just one
-
If you can burp the alphabet I'll give you another one.
-
Tastes like chicken. OH MY GOD JESUS WAS A CHICKEN
-
Tastes like chicken. OH MY GOD JESUS WAS A CHICKEN
:lol :lol
-
"Father is it a sin to have sex before you take communion?"
"Only if you block the aisle."
-
"No thanks. Got any Satan cakes?"
-
Is this gluten free? I can't digest Jesus unless he's gluten free!
I hope the Kool-aid man brings in the wine.
What part of christ's body is this? I'm not eating it if it's the weiner.
Hey Father, how about later we get together and you can put my body in your mouth instead.
I have a terrible bug, so this is going through me today.
-
Sure why not? I'm so hungry I'd eat just about anything right now.
-
I don't really know who Jesus is, but somebody mentioned wine, and then we all stood up, so I thought "what the fuck ?"
-
Hey father, you ever play "front-hand, back-hand"?
-
Hey, Father ... Wanna speed this up a bit? The 9rs are kicking off in 30 minutes.
-
"No thanks. Got any Satan cakes?"
:lol
-
Father, boxers or briefs under the robe?
-
Father, there's a couple of things about our Lord and Saviour that I hope you can clear up for me. Was his middle name really "Horatio", and why did he tap dance so much?
-
...this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me...
So Jesus really was a cracka...
-
Oh yeah, I want Jesus in and around my mouth then I'm going to swallow all of it.
-
Hey, Father ... Wanna speed this up a bit? The 9rs are kicking off in 30 minutes.
Playing up to my affections, close, but Blob nailed this one...
Is this gluten free? I can't digest Jesus unless he's gluten free!
I hope the Kool-aid man brings in the wine.
Pick one, they were both brilliant. Your up animator....
-
Thanks chef!
It doesn't look like you updated the standings after you won, so I added a point for you (someone correct me if that's wrong)
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 16
lonestar - 13
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene - Things you don't want to hear your surgeon/doctor say behind your back to another doctor.
-
"Okay doc, he's all closed up and finished. Wait...where does that go?"
-
Hey is it me or does his ass look like a coin slot?
-
Oh yeah, I do it all the time. Anesthetic kills the gag reflex.
-
If you follow the moles on his ass I think it's a map to buried treasure!
-
Nice circumcision Gene, but he came in for a hernia.
So, I'm pushing and I'm digging up there during this colonoscopy, and I'm thinking, "what the hell is an Optimus Prime action figure doing up here?"
-
There's no way this fella lives past next Tuesday.....
-
I'll finish in a bit, the game's on...
-
Be honest....have you ever seen someone bleed that much from an accidental femoral puncture? Next time I'll remove my hands from the cavity when I sneeze.
-
ALL OF THESE :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
-
Well once I had him opened up I could see everything was fine but I removed his testicles anyway....
-
If you lean him this way it looks like the cover to Octavartium.
-
So, I'm pushing and I'm digging up there during this colonoscopy, and I'm thinking, "what the hell is an Optimus Prime action figure doing up here?"
Nice try. :lol
Be honest....have you ever seen someone bleed that much from an accidental femoral puncture? Next time I'll remove my hands from the cavity when I sneeze.
Well once I had him opened up I could see everything was fine but I removed his testicles anyway....
I can't choose between these two. You win.
-
Thanks Mr. BVD!
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 17
lonestar - 13
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene - First reactions/statement you say/do when you meet your hideous blind date.
-
Chino was wrong. This app sucks!
My eyes! The goggles do nothing.
:thegoggles: :theydonothing:
-
If you're not into chloroform rags we are not a match.
-
Yeah, I made it clear that I wasn't into beastiality.
-
Ok, gotta be honest. If you still have your uvula I'm outta here.
-
EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
-
Wow a real life Pizza The Hut!
-
Huh, so that's what my own puke taste like..
-
I wish I was blind.
-
Uh, no. My name's Mike Oxlong. I don't know who Jim is.
-
I'll take a few more before making the call......
-
Your father lets you leave the kennel looking like that?
-
Ah, so that's what a collapsed lung looks like.
-
At least one of us shaved for the occasion.
-
(https://24.media.tumblr.com/09d752c4d06b88eaa7d75dfdbf63e32f/tumblr_mphlf0oZXc1r8swqdo1_400.gif)
-
I know, let me guess: You've got a great personality.
-
I know they say what is on the inside matters most but I don't have the time to wade through all of the flaps to see what's inside.
-
I know you're blind and all, but I just can't sit here and pretend. You're ugly as all hell and I can't stand the sight of you. Since you can't see yourself anyway, nobody has ever had to face up to telling you the truth, but I'm sorry, someone had to say it. You may not have to see your face, but unfortunately I do. I would actually rather kiss your seeing eye dog at this point.
-
Hey! Aren't you the lady that does those commercials for the Christian Children's Fund?
-
At least one of us shaved for the occasion.
This late entry took it. You're up Prog Snob!
-
(https://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/dancing/laurel-and-hardy-dancing-smiley-emoticon.gif)
Thanks gmillerdrake!
Standings
jingle.boy - 19
gmillerdrake - 17
lonestar - 13
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
New scene - You're asked to be John Petrucci's guitar tech. What is one thing that you would be afraid to accidentally say during the interview?
-
That Mick Mars was a genius on the axe.
You really should just stick to 6 strings.
Hope you don't pork up like Yngvie.
-
Could I bother you with a request.....might you rub and then smoke my Chicken?
So do you $hit in the woods?
-
Seriously, why won't you guys just let Kevin back in the band?
-
Don't you think it's about time you admit Katrina was your fault for shredding at four thousand beats per milli second?
What's John Myung like in bed?
Do you think PED's should be banned in professional music?
-
Boxers, briefs, or commando :heybaby:
-
<So many wife jokes, but given she's a member, I'm sure I'd be banned>
Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, MEOW meow meow meow.
This isn't one of those interviews where you're gonna force me to go down on you, is it? I already didn't get the Mangini drum-tech job.
:zydarscouch:
Well, at least one of us shaved for this occasion.
-
...and just to be clear....anytime you need to warm your fingers up you can always shove them up my :censored, and I'd prefer you twitch and tingle them whilst in there.
What book are you going to rip off....err....I mean, what are the lyrics going to be based off of on the next album?
-
(Insert any name here) is my favorite guitarist. He doesn't show off nearly as much as you do.
Give me the job Petrucci or I tell them what planet you're really from.
-
Some good ones here. I'll pick a wiener in a couple of hours. ;D
-
Now which button is the Michael Angelo preset and which one controls the bomb under the audience?
-
A German says to wait here........
-
Chad had a few good ones but I literally LOL'd at this one.
Seriously, why won't you guys just let Kevin back in the band?
You're up sir.
-
Giddy up!
Standings
jingle.boy - 20
gmillerdrake - 17
lonestar - 13
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
Today's scene... awkward moments for an intern on their first day (clarify which vocation if necessary).
-
"I'm not into Cigars, Mr. President."
-
I don't understand Mr. North.....what does sucking a golf ball through this garden hose have to do with answering and then transferring calls....and why is this office full of nothing but leather couches?
-
Can't you afford a real mannequin, Mr. Rodman? I look ridiculous in this feather boa.
-
I don't understand Mr. North.....what does sucking a golf ball through this garden hose have to do with answering and then transferring calls....and why is this office full of nothing but leather couches?
And I assume these goggles are part of my standard work attire?
-
Sir, I know you hate your brother the Heat Miser and all, but does it have to be so fucking cold in here?
-
But of course knee pads are a standard part of the kitchen, didn't they teach you that in culinary school?
Hey, can you head down to the storeroom and get a bag of steam to refill the steamer?
What? You've never used a bacon stretcher??
Well of course it's lumpy, you used beef gravy flour, not chicken gravy flour. Fucking rookies.
(I've used all the above with culinary interns btw :) )
-
I'm not so sure boob lifter was in my job description Mrs. Madonna
-
You want me to hold up what Mr. Jeremy?!
-
Hey, can you head down to the storeroom and get a bag of steam to refill the steamer?
Good enough for the win. When I worked at McD's as a teen, we used to tell the noobs to go get the sesame seeds from the cage to put on the buns.
-
Hey, can you head down to the storeroom and get a bag of steam to refill the steamer?
Good enough for the win. When I worked at McD's as a teen, we used to tell the noobs to go get the sesame seeds from the cage to put on the buns.
I ran a lawn irrigation company years ago. The new guy was always stuck looking for the sod stretcher.
-
Hey, can you head down to the storeroom and get a bag of steam to refill the steamer?
Good enough for the win. When I worked at McD's as a teen, we used to tell the noobs to go get the sesame seeds from the cage to put on the buns.
Nice lol
OK, in the spirit of the day....
Revolutionary slogan for the great Thanksgiving turkey uprising of 2017....
-
Try the veal motherfuckers.
Stuff this!
-
Gobble fucking gobble
Turkey...Join Our Avian Spring!
But now... now we will put away our hatred. Now we will put down our stuffing. We have passed through the night of the ovens, and those who were our devourers are now our servants. And we, who are not human, can afford to be humane. Destiny is the will of God, and if it is Man’s destiny to be dominated, it is God’s will that he be dominated with compassion, and understanding. So, cast out your vengeance. Tonight, we have seen the birth of the Planet of the Turkeys!
-
tonight, humans will be on the menu for once
-
Time to be thankful for the other white meat ... Tilapia.
Let's ditch the cranberries (I mean, who the hell eats that shit anyway?).
Mobble. *cough* Moooooble. *ahem* MooooOOO? *ackh* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Try the beef.
-
The stuffed do the stuffing
The Chesapeake Mineral Water Get Together
Rise Up.....Be Counted....White and Dark Meat Unite!!
-
Rise Up.....Be Counted....White and Dark Meat Unite!!
We'll just stop it there, winner....
-
Sweet! :tup Thank you....and you didn't update the standings with your last "W" so I added that on when updating these.
Standings
jingle.boy - 20
gmillerdrake - 18
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 8
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
Next Scene:
Excuse(s) offered to your spouse/GF/BF when caught oogling/checking out an extremely hot woman/man.
-
But honey, look at the tits on her.
Come on, you wouldn't hit that?
I was doing research for my sexual education class.
-
They look real. I wonder if they're spectacular?
I swear I know that ass from somewhere.
What, that wasn't your cousin Sally?
C'mon! She was at least 18!
-
Remember when your ass was that tight?
I was just wondering if she "is" really juicy of is that false advertising.
So you're telling be I can't bounce a quarter off of her ass?
-
There was a really big invisible cockroach on her ass. What, you didn't see that?
-
Sorry, I was just wondering, do you think she shaves her pussy?
Too awkward?
-
Just stretching my neck hon.
A little too much drooling? :drool:
Can you believe the camel toe on him/her? That's just unflattering.
-
Her? That's my boss's daughter.
Oh, I was just checking if he was Jewish or not dear....
-
I just wanted to show you how you should shave yours.
-
I'll give it a bump for the morning crowd....need a couple more.
-
Apologies for the uninspiring Scene....not too many entire but it'd have been hard to top this one from King anyway...
I was just wondering if she "is" really juicy of is that false advertising.
You're up Sir!!
-
Thank you! Thank you!
Standings
jingle.boy - 20
gmillerdrake - 18
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 9
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 3
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
New scene: Paul Stanley works a phone sex line when he is not touring. What are some of his sexy lines talking to a customer?
-
"I've been told I suck a Gene...I meant, "mean cock".
-
I'll squeeze your lemon until the juice runs down your leg. Wait, that's not it. I've got big balls, and they're dirty big balls. Wait, lemee try again. All my flavours are guaranteed to satisfy. Dammit. I got the right key baby, but the wrong keyhole. Shit! Love is like a muscle and I wanna flex. Yeah, that's the right line. Let's go with that.
-
Forget Gene, I'm the REAL Dr. Love
Shout it! Shout it! Shout it out loud!
-
That's right baby, first I'll turn the TV off and give you my full attention. Then I'll agree with everything you say - your sister-in-law must be a real bitch! After that, I'll cook dinner AND do the dishes. Then, once I'm done the laundry, I'll rub your hair while we watch Grey's Anatomy. Finally, we'll go to bed, and fall asleep spooning.
-
Forget Gene, I'm the REAL Dr. Love
Shout it! Shout it! Shout it out loud!
Sorry! Had a brain fart! Both are good enough! Winna!
-
Standings
jingle.boy - 20
gmillerdrake - 18
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 9
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
Scene: Things a mall Santa would say when no kids/parents are around
-
I'd rather some of these MILFS sit on my lap than these snot nosed brats.
-
For some weird reason, I always get a boner with the fat kids.
-
I'd sure like to put a lump of something in her stocking.
Later tonight, it's gonna be 9 ladies pole dancing, leading to 8 maids a milking my schlong.
-
Hey bro, can you check my nose for felonies?
-
Turns to helper Elf: "I'd rather you shove that oversized candy cane up my :censored than have to listen to another mom scream at her kid to smile or say 'cheeseburgers'...."
I haven't been this chaffed since the time Rudolph mistook my red rear for an in-heat reindeers behind.
If your in to licking long, red and white 'sticks' give me your number and I'll give you a call the next time my herpes break out.
-
Ten fucking hours in this damn suit, I swear I could grow rice in my crotch right now.
-
Take this how you will....but ummm...Would you mind if I 'came' down your 'chimney' later?
-
I'd sure like to put a lump of something in her stocking.
Later tonight, it's gonna be 9 ladies pole dancing, leading to 8 maids a milking my schlong.
You're up jingle
-
jingle.boy - 21
gmillerdrake - 18
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 9
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
Today's Scene: Someone's hacked into your FB/Twitter account, and posted this as your status.
-
I'm a pretty pretty princess
Want a bigger penis?
Anybody know of any good sales on long range shotguns?
-
This condom packed full of heroin is making it difficult to sit for long periods of time.
My new telescopic zoom lens is already paying dividends....pretty, pretty girl.
May need to wipe after that one....thought I could sneak it by.
-
Off to the Brony convention...
After much consideration, for the benefit of my future health, I have decided to go vegan.
-
I realllly have come to a crossroads and decided prog is for pussies. So can anyone get me One Directions tickets for their concert next year? A VIP to meet them would be OMFG SO TEH AWESOMEZZZZ.
-
Off to the Brony convention...
What's wrong with that?
-
Off to the Brony convention...
What's wrong with that?
Google it.
-
*googles brony convention*
*sees people cosplaying as characters from the show, some of which are guys.*
What's wrong with that?
-
Alright, this is a true post that I did on my friends FB and then he did it to me on DTF. See if some of you remember.
"I'm in love with a man, and I don't know how to tell my wife."
-
This condom packed full of heroin is making it difficult to sit for long periods of time.
My new telescopic zoom lens is already paying dividends....pretty, pretty girl.
May need to wipe after that one....thought I could sneak it by.
We've all been there. Winner.
-
This condom packed full of heroin is making it difficult to sit for long periods of time.
My new telescopic zoom lens is already paying dividends....pretty, pretty girl.
May need to wipe after that one....thought I could sneak it by.
We've all been there. Winner.
Yes....yes we have. Thanks for the 'W' Chad......
Standings:
jingle.boy - 21
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 9
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
Today's Scene: You've just finished a very descriptive, emotional, difficult and very honest therapy session with your Therapist....you turn to him and he says "fill in the blank" to you:
-
Please... just fucking kill yourself already!
-
I've got the weirdest boner right now. Will you excuse me for a minute?
There's something you don't hear everyday.
Son, to give you the help you need, I'd be punching way out of my weight class.
-
Is your uncle still a total slut? If so, I'd love his number....
Hey, Father Carlos was my pastor too!!!! Small world huh...
I know you got a few years sober now, but really dude, get yourself a fucking drink.
-
I can already tell you this is going to be an impossible choice to pick just one winner being I've cracked up multiple times already!
Keep em' coming!
-
Damn, you are SUCH a little bitch...
Your wife didn't leave you cause you were unavailable emotionally bro, she left you cause I'm packing ten inches. BOOM!!!!!!
-
Wanna see my third nipple?
-
Happy Vlasto Day!
-
For a second I didn't think you were going to come out of the trance. Hmm..You might want to wipe your mouth before you go.
-
Well, to correct one point... you can't really call it an "eye" patch if that's not where you were wearing it. "Cock" patch would be more accurate.
Now, reflecting on all of what you just told me, you can't honestly be shocked you lost Mr. Romney.
Look on the bright side, at least you're not Rob Ford.
Me too!
That's all fine and dandy, but would you kindly put your pants back on?
-
She's dead. She killed herself because of you. Get over it.
Tell your sister I'll pick her up at 8. I just have to stop at the pharmacy first.
-
Waaa waaa, sissy, la-la!
I'm sorry, I kinda spaced out there for a second. What were you saying?
-
You know... I had a patient once... Nicholas was his name... he was going through something similar. Give me a second... I've got specific technique I used to help him. I'll be right back...
-
for goodness sakes man, save the drama for your mama
-
You know... I had a patient once... Nicholas was his name... he was going through something similar. Give me a second... I've got specific technique I used to help him. I'll be right back...
:|
-
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sport, I was thinking about soup. Anyhoo, our time's up for the day. Cya next week."
-
"Wow! You're really fucked up!"
"You've just been PUNK'D, and that was hilarious! Ashton will be in here in just a moment!"
"Look man, how many times I gotta tell ya? I'm a bartender; and this is a bar. Now whattya wanna drink, cuz' you gotta order somethin'?"
"Nobody gives a rats ass about your little problems. No buck up and get the fuck outta here!"
"Wait, you said your wifes maiden name was Susan Smith, and she went to Villanova? Man, I used to bang the shit out of a Susan Smith when I was at grad school there! She was a freak! She damn near banged everybody!"
-
Bro, it's time you got off that fucking cross, we need the wood.
-
The surprising thing is, there is actually a lot of good advise in this round!! :rollin
*This was not an entry*
-
Close your eyes and begin to relax...
-
"dick butt"
-
So let's get to the important things, is your mom hot?
Dude, that part about your old man beating you bloody with the bra he caught you wearing? That's so going on Facebook...
-
Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.
-
Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.
:slowclap:
-
I can tell you that essentially every one of the entries could have won. But the consistency shown by lonestar this round has to take it. I mean read these beauties again:
So let's get to the important things, is your mom hot?
Dude, that part about your old man beating you bloody with the bra he caught you wearing? That's so going on Facebook...
Bro, it's time you got off that fucking cross, we need the wood.
Damn, you are SUCH a little bitch...
Your wife didn't leave you cause you were unavailable emotionally bro, she left you cause I'm packing ten inches. BOOM!!!!!!
Is your uncle still a total slut? If so, I'd love his number....
Hey, Father Carlos was my pastor too!!!! Small world huh...
I know you got a few years sober now, but really dude, get yourself a fucking drink.
Friggin great stuff there RJ :lol You are the winner of the round!
-
Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.
:slowclap:
Stop giving me the golf clap. :lol
-
Now that I heard your story I bet when you fart it sounds like two pieces of bologna slapping together.
:slowclap:
Stop giving me the golf clap. :lol
That's more the slightly disturbed that you went there clap. :biggrin:
And thanks for the win, I guess all that therapy paid off in one way or another.
Bro, it's time you got off that fucking cross, we need the wood.
I actually had a sponsor tell me this one. :p
And this scene- Things a Starbucks(or insert your favorite coffee shop here,ie. Tim Hortons for you hosers) Barista wish they could say....
-
Would you like my cream with that?
-
(Dunkin Donuts) The only thing I dunked in your coffee starts with a D too.
-
Yeah sure.....like your fat a$$ needs an extra shot of Carmel mocha choka frappe latte.
The real reason this iced coffee is Luke warm is because I pi$$ed in it
-
"... I'm not serving you that unless you can repeat it five times fast."
-
Me no hablo stuck up coffee talk
I want to dump this steaming caldron of coffee into your open eyes.
-
Here's your overpriced coffee-like drink, you smug, self-important, hipster-wannabe douchebag.
-
We're not McDonald's so if you burn yourself Fuck Off!
-
What dipshit ordered this abortion?
It's my first day here. I think I put chocolate drizzle on this, but it might be the teryaki sauce. Enjoy!
-
Here you go Mr. A$$hat one per-center.
All these scrapes and cuts are because I've literally been hugging a tree all weekend. My lips hurt to because I kissed it over and over to apologize for the holocaust of murder mankind has thrust upon the sweet tree souls of the world.
-
We don't serve anybody here unless you have a pretentious hat on.
-
Have you accepted Juan Valdez as your lord and saviour.
No, I've never made a Double Ristretto Venti Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!
-
What the :censored are those three Mexicans doing with that trombone?
-
Welcome to Starbucks, home of the big-titted mermaid.
-
Hey, don't we have the same therapist? What kind of advice does he give you?
I've got a triple espresso for Mike Oxlong, and an egg nog latte for Hugh Januz.
-
Hi, my name is Star Fox, I work at StarBucks and I'm mentally deranged! HAHAHAHA! You want a tall latte? Well do a fucking barrel roll!
-
We're not McDonald's so if you burn yourself Fuck Off!
Love it, you're up big guy...
-
Thanks .I will post when I get home!
-
jingle.boy - 21
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Prog Snob - 1
New Scene: Your patented name for your anti wedgie device. (Underwear not included)
-
Crack Stacker
Roof Over the Brown Star
Cinch and Clinch
-
G-String Sling
Taint Restraint
-
Cheek Peeker
G-Force Deflector
-
Ducktape
Ass Vice
Whack-a-crack
Rectum Armour
-
Will wait to tonight to get more entries.
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Will wait to tonight to get more entries.
That's what she said.
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Will wait to tonight to get more entries.
I would love to be banned.
I would love that to happen. (The entries)
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Melvin-B-Gone
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Will wait to tonight to get more entries.
I would love to be banned.
Confused about what when on here? I'll assume the post was offensive in some way......sorry bout' that.
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Will wait to tonight to get more entries.
I would love to be banned.
Confused about what when on here? I'll assume the post was offensive in some way......sorry bout' that.
Not at all. Did you read my post after. It was a joke about me being married too long. :lol
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Will wait to tonight to get more entries.
I would love to be banned.
Confused about what when on here? I'll assume the post was offensive in some way......sorry bout' that.
It happened to me the other day too. Not sure why.
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Taint Restraint
Poetic and funny.
Winna!
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Thank you, my liege!
jingle.boy - 21
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Prog Snob - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New Scene: Dream Theater has decided to produce a movie based on Metropolis Part 2. It's up to you to pick the best cast for the following characters: The Hypnotherapist, Nicholas, Victoria, Julian, and Edward.
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Benedict Cumberbatch - "Open your eyes, Nicholas..."
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Natalie Portman as Victoria. It's the only right answer (https://www.coolbuddy.com/icon/celeb/ico_natalie01.gif)
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Julian - I always thought was a whiny bitch... Jude Law seems to fit the bill
Nicholas - still a putz... Jonah Hill
Edward - someone who could go absolutely bat-shit crazy ... Christian Bale
Hypnotherapist - still bat-shit crazy ... James Spader
Victoria - teasing 2-timing, self absorbed wench... Paris Hilton
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Eddie Murphy will play every part. Also it will be a comedy.
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Eddie Murphy Michael J. Fox will play every part. Also it will be a comedy.
Fix'd
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Eddie Murphy Michael J. Fox will play every part. Also it will be a comedy time travel adventurrrrrrrr.
Fix'd
Double fix'd.
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Eddie Murphy Michael J. Fox will play every part. Also it will be a comedy.
Fix'd
If MJF played every part, no one would have been killed. ;)
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Morgan Freeman as the Hypnotherapist, Ben Stiller as Nicholas, Mila Kunis as Victoria, Adam Sandler as Edward, and James Earl Jones as Julian...
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Anybody else? I'll let this go until later on then I will pick a wiener.
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Sean Connery as the Hypnotherapist, Hugh Jackman as Nicholas, Sophie Marceau as Victoria, Jason Isaacs as Edward, and Terry O'Quinn as Julian...
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Julian -Jason Schwartzman
Nicholas - Jack Black
Edward - Vince Vaughn
Hypnotherapist - Bill Murray
Victoria - Owen Wilson (in drag)
Directed by Martin Scorcese
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Julian - I always thought was a whiny bitch... Jude Law seems to fit the bill
Nicholas - still a putz... Jonah Hill
Edward - someone who could go absolutely bat-shit crazy ... Christian Bale
Hypnotherapist - still bat-shit crazy ... James Spader
Victoria - teasing 2-timing, self absorbed wench... Paris Hilton
Not many turnouts for this one but you picked a pretty good cast except for Paris Hilton. :lol I'd probably enjoy Amanda Seyfried more.
You're up now.
-
:happydance:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 6
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Prog Snob - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
1st draft/rejected titles for famous TV shows.
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Constanza
The Geriatric Girls
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LOST = "Crash Victims and Black Smoke"
Bay watch = "Boob Watch"
Married With Children = "Wives and Kids Suck the Life Right Out of You"
E.R. = "Dr's and Nurses Aren't This Hot"
Roseanne = "Loud Mouth, Fat A$$ Bit%h"
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M.A.S.H ---- How Chlamydia Made It To The States.
Laverne and Shirley -- You Dumb Bitches.
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Constanza
I was gonna post this. :lol
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Constanza
I was gonna post this. :lol
;)
Flowery Twats (Let's see if anyone gets the reference)
BOSK (Bunch Of Soldiers Killed) = MASH.
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My Three Sons of Bitches
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Cheers = "Drunks"
Small Wonder = "I Built a Teenage Sex Slave"
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Dragons and Porn = Game of Thrones
Unsolved Mysteries = The X-Files
Four Bitches We All Wish Would Die = Sex And The City
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Four Bitches We All Wish Would Die = The Golden Girls
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Four Bitches We All Wish Would Die = The Golden Girls
:lol That's one of the funniest shows around. Your wish is almost true though. Just one left to go. ;)
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Oh, come on, Betty White is an American treasure
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(https://i1272.photobucket.com/albums/y393/Prog_Snob/BettyWhitePower_zpsa2bd3343.jpg)
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My Three Sons of Bitches
Forgot this was mine to judge. Never watched the show, but the title gave the biggest chuckle.
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My Three Sons of Bitches
Forgot this was mine to judge. Never watched the show, but the title gave the biggest chuckle.
:lol That was pretty funny.
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:metal
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Prog Snob - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene - if 90's bands changed their names
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Alice In Fur Handcuffs
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Janes Social Drinking/Drugging Habit
Green Luke Warm Pea Pods
Analog Over Ground
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Smell Garden
Compassion for the Machine
Jane's a Crack Ho
Pearl Necklace Jam
Smashing Yams
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Our Lady Hairy Peace
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The Overly hyped...musically mediocre....lyrically lame Band. (Think Dave Matthews ;))
R.E.M. Sleep Drive In (DT)
In Dying Gray Scale
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Our Lady's Hairy Piece
FTFY
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Nightmare Cinema ;)
Stoned Temple Bigots
Fool
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OPA!(th)
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Stinking Blumpkins
Nicky Lemons & The Migraines
Sambora
Three Inch Stubs
Type AB+
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Toe Jam...Pearl Jam
Kon-Tiki Pirates...STP
Manic Depression...Nirvana
Penis...3rd Eye Blind
Growing Peaches...Smashing Pumpkins
Blenderfoot...Radiohead
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Disturbed Child (Rabbits are Scary!)
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Blenderfoot
... That would actually be an excellent name for a metal band.
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Deafdesert
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Some of these would be pretty good names for a pretentious indie rock band. Very good submissions all around, but somebody clearly knows me too well:
Pearl Necklace Jam
Go.
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Standings:
jingle.boy - 23
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Prog Snob - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
The last thing you would expect Santa to leave under the tree on Christmas morning.
-
a menorah
Rudolph's shiny nose
Mrs. Claus
his dentures
Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle
Venison
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A steamer.
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A burning campfire.
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Pearl necklace jam
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Gag ball and butt plug
A Koran
Dried Chicken Bones and seven dominos
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A steamer.
Just envisioning Santa leaving this had me giggling all day. You're up King.
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Standings:
jingle.boy - 23
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 11
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Prog Snob - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene -- Tag line for a commercial for Cialis shown during daytime kids shows.
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Want your mother to have another, then give daddy Cialis...
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Wondering what that glorious feeling is down south of the border Timmy? Well, now you can have it for hours at a time.
It's the secret to Barney's lovability with all the children.
Just make sure Pedo bear doesn't find the bottle.
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The pills that daddy takes right before he "goes to the gym"....
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MOAR PLEAZE!!!!
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It's what has kept Bert and Ernie happy 'roommates' for all these years
Nothing makes house wife's cry harder or run faster than daddy taking one of these.
Ever wonder why Grandpa suddenly began to itch his crotch a lot? Now you have your answer.
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So try Cialis and stop Dora exploring for daddy's erection.
One, one erection! HAHAHAAAAA! Two, two erections! HAHAHAAAAA! Get daddy Cialis and let him be able to count his erections again.
-
With Ciallis, Spongebob will have Triangle Pants for sure
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Where is pointer, where is pointer? Here I am, here I am!
How are you today sir?
Very well I thank you
Run away kid!!! Run away!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it's good enough for Mr. Rogers, it's good enough for your poppy.
(https://i.imgur.com/3ekMC.gif)
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Cialis, keeping your babysitter satisfied.
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Cialis, keeping your babysitter satisfied.
Even when he insists that he's a shortstop, not a catcher.
-
Thirty minutes after taking one of these and you'll give an entire new meaning to 'Handy Manny'
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One, one erection! HAHAHAAAAA! Two, two erections! HAHAHAAAAA! Get daddy Cialis and let him be able to count his erections again.
Too good! Winna!
-
:metal
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 19
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Okay...Happy New Year to everyone!
Next scene - Worst Possible New Years Resolution!
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Getting in to child pron
Visit a Russian Bath house doused in Chanel #5, wearing a blonde wig and whispering "I'm very lonely" over and over.
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Becoming the world's fattest man
To steal off of homeless people
To become the sole survivor
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To gain more weight so I can get a Keg tattooed on my belly.
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To gain more weight so I can get a Keg tattooed on my belly.
How much, two pounds?
:footloose:
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I SAID A KEG DAMMIT!! :lol
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To follow Blob's workout regimen
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To use Neat "south of the border"
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Become a 'cutter'
Become a vegetarian
Refuse all sexual advances from women
Not using syrup on pancakes
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Not using syrup on pancakes
-GASP-
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Teaching your teenage son the art of fapping.
Teaching your teenage daughter the art of diddling.
Switch from real bacon to turkey bacon.
Become a belieber.
Open the door to Jehovah's Witnesses.
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I'll wait for a few more entries!
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Whenever I meet a new person I'll whip out my pecker and say, "The Admiral is glad to meet you."
In meetings I will only speak like Jar Jar Binks.
I will teach my dogs to attack small children.
Every Sunday, I will attend an all black church service and during the first prayer, I will yell, "Where are all the white women at?!!"
I will write the date all year long as 1814, and whenever someone corrects me I will scream, "Treaty of Ghent, motherfucker!!"
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I will continue my quest to discover who TempusVox is, and pray I'm wrong in my suspicions that he is actually infomercial king and bestselling author Kevin Trudeau, and his mini-disappearances aren't due to health issues, but in fact because of his current incarceration.
-
Getting in to child pron
Visit a Russian Bath house doused in Chanel #5, wearing a blonde wig and whispering "I'm very lonely" over and over.
Winna!!
-
Getting in to child pron
Visit a Russian Bath house doused in Chanel #5, wearing a blonde wig and whispering "I'm very lonely" over and over.
Winna!!
Sweet!! :metal Thank you.....
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 20
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next scene - Excuse given to your spouse/significant other when you accidentally call her/him by another name during sex......
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"Sorry I called you Zydar. It.. welll... it happens... you know."
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:zydarscouch:
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"What are you talking about? 'Betty' is your nickname..."
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Well, of course YOU are my Lone Star!
Yes, that's exactly what I meant. I little to the Left.
No, no... Peyton Manning. You know how much I love the Broncos.
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Sorry baby, but I've been having early on set Alzheimers
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But honey!! That's your pet name I gave your hoo hoo!
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But you asked me "whose your mommy"? So I when I screamed "Oh Jo Ann" I thought you were getting kinky.
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Sorry, I was just listening to Toto earlier.
I swear it! I don't know anyone named "you dirty filthy whore"
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You told me I could pretend I was fucking my fantasy girl.. So why are you so angry that I kept yelling Bea Arthur?
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You're my wife, why the fuck would I scream your name during sex?
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Need a few more.....
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In my defense, you and your sister look identical from behind.
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Need a few more.....
Nevermind......
In my defense, you and your sister look identical from behind.
:lol Winner!!!!!
You're up Coz.....
-
:lol Why do I have the impression that this isn't the first time Coz has used that sentence...
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:lol Winner!!!!!
You're up Coz.....
(https://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/37489369.jpg)
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 20
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next up: Famous movie lines you could never say to your significant other.
:lol Why do I have the impression that this isn't the first time Coz has used that sentence...
:angel:
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"You're excited? Feel these nipples!"
"No, I am your father"
"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"
"You gotta ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?"
-
You complete me
Frankly my dear.....I dont' give a damn.....
You could get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a cows a$$ but wouldn't you rather take the butchers word for it?
You can't handle the truth!
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We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong.
He wants you for a possession, something to look at, like a painting or an ivory box. Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real, and to think and to live. He doesn't love you. But I love you. I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even when I hold you in my arms.
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Just a flesh wound!
:justjen
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I will take it! I will take the ring to Mordor!
-
He wants you for a possession, something to look at, like a painting or an ivory box. Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real, and to think and to live. He doesn't love you. But I love you. I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even when I hold you in my arms.
Dammmmmit John you beat me to it
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"As you wish." - Wesley, The Princess Bride
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You talkin' to me.......You talkin' to me?
Get away from her...you BITCH!!!!
She's gone from suck.....to blow.....
-
Now pretty please, with sugar on top... clean the fucking car.
He looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Say hello to my little friend!
Get you're stinking paws off me you damned, dirty ape!
Back door huh? Good idea. (I just watched Return of the Jedi last night)
And a couple more from Star Wars....
She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid
And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!
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"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else gets the hose again."
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You're one ugly motherfucker
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No, I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
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I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
-
I'm Batman
-
Yes. I'm George. George McFly. I'm your density. I mean, your destiny.
-
Why are you women so uptight? You got half the money and all the pussy!
~ Gary Bussey, DC Cab
-
While some of these were more of "Movie lines you're most likely to say to your SO" ("as you wish") or "movie lines you WISH you could say about your SO" ("She's gone from suck to blow"), all were good, but
You're one ugly motherfucker
was damn good for the direct approach. Then, for some inexplicable reason, I lost it on:
I'm Batman
Don't know why that is so funny to me, but it damn sure is. This probably had something to do with it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjuKABU-XPY
Anyway, WINNER!
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Damnit! I was gonna use that line, but just didn't think it was all that funny. :newman:
-
While some of these were more of "Movie lines you're most likely to say to your SO" ("as you wish") *snip*
:'(
How is it I'm so easily misunderstood?! The, "As you wish." quote is much funnier in the context you presented it. Something you could never say to your significant other...
:sadpanda:
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Possibly I don't get it. To me, "as you wish" = "yes, dear".
-
Or:
(https://i1272.photobucket.com/albums/y393/Prog_Snob/Pussywhipped1_zpsd22237cd.png)
-
Possibly I don't get it. To me, "as you wish" = "yes, dear".
Exactly...and I would never say that to Mrs. P.
Just as you would never cuddle after sex! :biggrin:
-
Aha. I see, now. You sir, are the 1%. :lol
-
It looks like my plan with that photo backfired. I suddenly feel turned on. I'll be right back.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 20
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 5
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
What would members of Dream Theater do for a living if they weren't musicians?
-
John Myung - motivational speaker or professional wrestler
John Petrucci - he would live with wolves
-
James would be living in Somalia.
John P would be a professional arm wrestler
Myung would be a sign language interpreter
Jordan would be playing keyboards for ZZ Top
Mangini would be a chiropodist
-
James - Strip Club Announcer
JP - Auto Mechanic by day, global Internet Hacker by night
JR - Las Vegas Magician
MM - Local Boston Anchorman
JMX - Greenpeace Ship Captain
-
Barkin' for the "Yak Woman", or workin as Tilt-A-Whirl operators.
-
JP - Fisherman (salmon)
JM - Therapist
Apparently JP and JLB hate each other. :dunno:
-
James - Strip Club Announcer
Alright ladies, tonight we are going to be recording a DEE VEE DEE, right here. Never mind what's going on outside. All that matters is what's going on right here. It's going to be especially special.
-
James - Strip Club Announcer
Alright ladies, tonight we are going to be recording a DEE VEE DEE, right here. Never mind what's going on outside. All that matters is what's going on right here. It's going to be especially special.
Are you with us!?!?!
-
James - Strip Club Announcer
Alright ladies, tonight we are going to be recording a DEE VEE DEE, right here. Never mind what's going on outside. All that matters is what's going on right here. It's going to be especially special.
:clap: :rollin
-
JP - Televangelist
JM - Ninja
JLB - Door-to-door shovel salesman
-
James - Strip Club Announcer
JP - Auto Mechanic by day, global Internet Hacker by night
JR - Las Vegas Magician
MM - Local Boston Anchorman
JMX - Greenpeace Ship Captain
The idea of James being a strip club announcer is great. You're up!
-
Thank You!!! I appreciate it.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 22
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 5
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next Scene: Your 'tag line' as a miserable old man. "I.E.....Get off my lawn!!"
-
What's with all the twatting?
Why shouldn't I feed the trolls?
Goddamn books of faces!
-
Spell the whole word!
Look up from your damn screen!
FIFO - Fit In or Fuck Off.
-
I don't give a damn... (See Walter also known as Jeff Dunham)
-
C'mon fellas.....need some more.
-
You kids with your iPhones and your Skyrim and you Grand Theft Auto and your porn and your Fleshlights...
-
Hey ya little shit. Come back here so I can take my teeth out and shove them up your ass.
Hello young lady. Can you bend over for me? This viagra shit doesn't seem to work.
-
I got your bacon riiiiiight here.... *points to groin*
-
It's a sci-fi world.
-
857 channels, and nothing on!
My hedges don't need trimming.
Can you hear me now?
Why The Face?
-
It's a sci-fi world.
Although I applaud the use of content from another thread and think this is pretty funny.....I don't think Tick is a miserable old man and can't in good concience give you the 'W' at his expense.
So, the best 'tag line' I could see was this:
FIFO - Fit In or Fuck Off.
You're up you cranky Canadian!!!
-
I'll gladly take a win due to limited competition.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 23
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 8
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 5
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
You've found a magic lamp, lovingly caressed it, a genie pops out, and says ....
-
It's a sci-fi world.
Although I applaud the use of content from another thread and think this is pretty funny.....I don't think Tick is a miserable old man and can't in good concience give you the 'W' at his expense.
I know, I don't think he is either. It was just funny to me. :lol
-
You've found a magic lamp, lovingly caressed it, a genie pops out, and says ....
"Pull my finger."
-
It's a sci-fi world.
Although I applaud the use of content from another thread and think this is pretty funny.....I don't think Tick is a miserable old man and can't in good concience give you the 'W' at his expense.
I know, I don't think he is either. It was just funny to me. :lol
It was funny....I may have missed one there. :\
-
You're doing great.....give it about seven more strokes then brace yourself, close your mouth and cover your eyes.
Oh...you're a grown man. With tender strokes like that I was certain you were a 6 year old girl with polio.
-
"...Die Infidel!!"
-
"...I'm a Genie in a Bottle, baby;
Come on, come on, and let me out."
-
"You're not Major Nelson!"
-
"TOOOONEEEE!"
-
You ever heard of lotion....your skin has the grit of 220 sandpaper....
If you think you're getting three wishes you're in for a surprise. I'm opposite Genie. Get ready for the release of 753 years of sexual frustration. And I love the squeal of pigs.....wish number one.....
-
Whoops, forgot this was mine to judge. Gary, you one sick mutha.
"...Die Infidel!!"
Since Achmed the Dead Terrorist is a favorite impression of mine (and one that is used frequently), this gets it. PM sent.
-
Whoops, forgot this was mine to judge. Gary, you one sick mutha.
Like the game 'Apples to Apples'....just trying to play to the one judging the round :biggrin: ;)
-
Thank you.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 23
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Podaar - 5
masterthes - 5
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next scene: Things that you shouldn't do naked.
-
Have sex. No one wants to see that!
-
Carve a pumpkin.
Candle light vigil's
Fish Fry
-
Snow Angels.
dat shrinkage...
-
Bottle feed a goat. :omg:
-
Slide down a fireman's pole.
Double entendre? :lol
-
Give Communion
Accept a Grammy award
Interview for a job as a McDonald's party host
Go to the theater to see a children's movie
-
Get a job as a mime.
-
chaperone an elementary school fieldtrip
-
Go to church.
-
Go to a Dream Theater concert.
Unless you are female.
Then please be my guest.
-
Bottle feed a goat. :omg:
You are a WINNA!!! Yer up!
-
Thanks Tempusvox! I'd forgotten that I was participating so your PM was a complete surprise.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 23
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
[removed lame idea]
Give me a bit to come up with something. It's early here and I need coffee.
-
Starbucks
-
Smoking Animal Feces while dining on dead porucupine should wake you up Gregg......
-
Or at least get him high - a fecal high.
-
Smoking Animal Feces while dining on dead porucupine should wake you up Gregg......
Gary, does that mean I can't take a shower for 60 years too?!
(https://cdn.popdust.com//wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Man-Hasnt-bathed-60-Years-Photos-Iran.jpg)
Scene: Things you say to your waiter/bartender that you can't say to your significant other.
-
Scene: Things you say to your waiter/bartender that you can't say to your significant other.
Who's dick do I gotta suck around here to get some service?
I'll have what she's having.
-
I normally wouldn't give you this big a tip.....but you really went the extra mile.
-
Know any hot, single chicks that come in here?
When is ladies night? I'm looking to get laid.
So, is this a good place to pick up women?
I just came here for a beer and to watch the game.
-
Sorry, I'm a bit short. My friend will take care of you.
-
Sorry, I'm a bit short. My friend will take care of you.
:rollin
-
Would you kindly do something about this? It tastes like shit.
Nice presentation, and I'm sure it tastes wonderful... but it smells awful.
I'd like something else please... there's a hair in this.
-
*bump*
I'll pick a winner in a few hours so there is time if someone else has a thought.
-
Could you make it a little stiffer please?
How's your snapper?
-
Could you make it a little stiffer please?
Who is your significant other? :lol
-
So how much do you want for the service?
This is dryer than the Sahara! Come back with a new one.
-
Actually, could I get someone else to help me? You're a mean, evil spirited chlamydia infected bit%h who has single handedly sucked the life right out of me.
-
How's your snapper?
:lol :lol
There were some good one but this got me.
-
Thank you. Thank you! :takesbow:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 24
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jonnybaxy - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene - You are the MC at a wedding, totally hammered, and this is how you introduce the newly married couple.
-
Gentlemen and legalized hookers....hiccup.....please welcome if you would.....the latest victim of the vagina and his overlord.......
I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma". I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson!
-
You're a whore! We were a better couple than this douche! BY THE WAY YOU GAVE ME CHLAMYDIA! The whore and groom everybody!
I'd like to thank my mother, the bride, for giving me this opportunity to DJ for you at her wedding with this fine gentleman! Even though she and I had better sex than you'll get.....
-
Ladies and gentlemen, may I please introduce the lovely wife who I ended up fucking last night, and her loser husband who shagged the maid of honor during the rehearsal dinner and paid me 500 dollars to keep my mouth shut. Whoops *vomits*
-
May I have your attention folks. It's my pleasure to introduce you to the new couple; and it's especially a treat for me because I used to work with the bride...of course she went by Jade then, and I used to DJ at the same club. Man, I think we all fucked her...a lot. Those were crazy times. What a difference six months can make in someones life! Am I right?
-
When Joe asked me to DJ this reception I was honored because we grew up together. I'm really happy that he finally met someone with low enough self-esteem to marry him. Let's welcome...
-
Please help me welcome Mr. and Mrs. Smith; and God lets hope she doesn't look like her mother in 20 years! Ugh!
-
Give it up for the happy couple! Oh, yeah, and also the newlyweds.
-
Let me introduce the happy couple, my best bud Joe, and the only piece of ass he's ever gonna lay pipe on again!!! You poor fucker!!!
-
*As the bride is walking to the podium. Breaks into song.*
♫♪"Here she comes... North America!"♪♫
-
You're a whore! We were a better couple than this douche! BY THE WAY YOU GAVE ME CHLAMYDIA! The whore and groom everybody!
Winner.
-
Thanks jingle!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 24
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene: Worst thing for your 'slow' colleague to say in front of the full office. GO!
-
Assuming *colleague
"I guess I shouldn't have eaten that last booger."
"Podaar has the weirdest boner right now."
-
Jimmy asked me to kiss his brown star.....what's a brown star?
After How many skid marks in your undies should I wash them.....I'm at 17 right now.
A full bottle of My Adderol fell in with the coffee beans right before the first morning pot was ground and brewed...so.....
-
What's with the orange handle?
Hey, did those pills help with your anal leakage?
Thanks for lending me your copy of Frequency Unknown. Killer album!
We gonna hit the tranny bar again this weekend?
-
Ixnay on the mbezzlementay, right Bob?
-
Funeral? You said you were going to a job interview.
-
Dude, you were so right, Mr. Johnson's wife is such a fucking slut!!!
-
Wait, you can't fire Wanda! We told her if she gave us all hummers in the break room she would pass probation.
-
Anyone want to come to my cubicle to watch the video feed of the camera I've installed in the womens restroom?
Somebody named 'Morpheus' keeps calling me?
What does 'tazer' mean? My hot neighbor keeps promising me she's going to use one on me.....
-
Bump for a few last contributions I'll decide in the morning
-
Has anyone seen my pocket vagina 'Smurfette'? I was on my way to the restroom to clean her up and must have sat her down somewhere.....
By the way if you're curious....."six" is the answer to how many Titiltest Golf Balls can comfortably fit in an anal cavity....but definately have a divot remover nearby.
-
TITTY SPRINKLES!!!
-
Did I tell you I shit in Rob's coffee cup in the break room. You know, the one that says Mike on it.
-
Funeral? You said you were going to a job interview.
Winner!
Well done jingle! You're up!
-
Boomerang victory! :fistpump:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 25
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 10
TempusVox - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene: Awkward announcements by an elementary school principal.
-
"Attention all 3rd grade girls, please report to the gymnasium for your anal examinations....annual, annual examinations!"
-
Attention students, whoever decided to take a shit in the urinal in the boys bathroom, please report to my office immediately.
-
Jerry please report to the nurse's office about your penis problem.
-
Really? Nothing more? Will give it 'til the end of the day.
-
....and finally, don't forget this Friday is 'Spank Me Daddy Day' for all our single female staff members. You've each been e mailed your 15 minute private appointment time.
-
Attention all 6th through 8th grade classes. Have you ever had that "Not so fresh feeling?"
-
In honor of 'Special Needs Day' all Art Class fingerprinting and water coloring will be performed using aged feces and dyed urine.
-
Chad Berry will you come to the office. You mother brought you a new underwear.
-
"Attention all 3rd grade girls, please report to the gymnasium for your anal examinations....annual, annual examinations!"
Ahhh... the importance of good handwriting!
Winner.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 25
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
Tempusvox - 10
kingshmegland - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Thanks!
Todays scene: Inappropriate things to say when meeting the Queen of England.
-
Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss.
Anyone who would drink Tanqueray would drink their own bath water.
I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance, Vickie!
-
I know they say 'long live the Queen', but jeez.....how the 'F' old are you?
These "jewels" aren't Royal or anything but they like a good 'polishing'.
-
So, can Phil still raise the flag... if you know what I mean? :eyebrows:
Pleasure to meet you. Where are Chuck and Seabiscuit... I mean, Camilla?
-
To quote a great American songwriter....one Mr. Tone Loc......"you can be my Queen if you know what I mean, and let us do the Wild Thing"....
I'm certainly no James Bond but I could be your Private Dick?
-
God your son's a pussy....
-
The gift we bring...
-
Who invited this old bitch?
-
Wait...you're not Maggie Smith! I was told we were meeting the cast of Downton Abbey. I want my money back you old cow!
-
So are you a fan of Hitler like your grandson?
-
<sniff... snifff...> Did you just crop dust me??
So ... Churchill. Was he a man-beast in the sack?
-
Whoops, don't want to step on your titty...
-
"So, I hear your going broke. I'll give you £20 for a hand job?"
"Excuse me, can you direct me to the loo?"
-
<sniff... snifff...> Did you just crop dust me??
So ... Churchill. Was he a man-beast in the sack?
Either wins this round. You're up!
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 26
gmillerdrake - 21
lonestar - 14
Tempusvox - 10
kingshmegland - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's Scene (though not really a scene). Unusual/Awkward Facebook groups
-
The Dirty Panty Fanatics of Skokie..."Like" our page.
Children of Rape
Car Wash Aficionados
People that realize the word "bed" looks like a bed.
If I get 100,000 likes I'll eat my shoe.
-
Royal Crop Dusters United
IRSAA - International Rectal Seepage Appreciation Alliance
-
DreamTheaterForums Facebook page
Bit titted anime chicks
-
The True Beauty of Anal Warts
Gerbils in Compromising Positions
Two Fingers and a Cough
-
Two Fingers and a Cough
Under INTENSE competition, this takes it, with Anal Warts a close second.
-
Two Fingers and a Cough
Under INTENSE competition, this takes it, with Anal Warts a close second.
Thanks Chad.....I'll update and post a new Scene soon.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 26
gmillerdrake - 22
lonestar - 14
Tempusvox - 10
kingshmegland - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's Scene:
You walk into a room to find your Grandparents covered in Baby Oil, playing naked Twister. You say.....
-
... Cool. I got the winner.
-
Great, now I suddenly have the urge to iron something.
My eyes! The goggles do nothing. :thegoggles: :theydonothing:
-
C'mon....put on those thinking caps.....
-
"Grandpa, please tell me that's your foot on that blue circle!"
-
That inheritance better be fat guys, I'm gonna need either a shitload of therapy or drugs....
-
Right foot red, left foot green.
-
Sweet Moses Gramps! How does a scrotum stretch like that?!?!?
I see you too Cialis less than 4 hours ago.
I'm just gonna go hang myself now.
-
Damn grandma, did Mom and Uncle Joe walk out of that cooter?
-
... Cool. I got the winner.
Right out of the gate I knew this was the one to beat.....you're up!
-
Yeah, I couldn't touch that one. Quality stuff.
-
Yeah, I couldn't touch that one. Quality stuff.
Well, the huge grandma cooter wasn't bad....it had me contemplating.
-
... Cool. I got the winner.
Right out of the gate I knew this was the one to beat.....you're up!
Hooray! Thanks. :)
Standings:
jingle.boy - 26
gmillerdrake - 22
lonestar - 14
Tempusvox - 10
kingshmegland - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Today's Scene (not really a 'scene', per se, but whatever; I'm unprepared):
Things you probably shouldn't list under 'special skills' on a job application.
-
Lack of gag reflex
Expert at beating child pron charges.
Familiar with Netscape, Lotus Notes, and Word Perfect.
-
Expert Fondler, specifically pre-teens
High tolerance for barbiturates
Specialize in Blackmail and Extortion
-
Prostate Massage Expert
Prog Metal Enthusiast
Office Supply McGyver
-
Prostate Massage Expert
....with two disciplines: digital manipulation and object assisted
-
:|
:caffeine:
-
"Invisibility and baking pie, but only one at a time."
-
I'm Batman
Can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Can lick eyebrows - mine and others'
Severe lack of integrity, motivation and consideration of others, coupled with anger management issues.
-
Talented Fecal Artist
Expert Stalker (just ask your sister)
Immune to Chlamydia
-
Money laundering
Bong making
Cross dressing
-
I can recite the alphabet while burping.
I once ate 1000 ants.
I can stomp out jock itch with my foot.
-
I can recite the alphabet while burping.
I once ate 1000 ants.
Ummmmm.......did you spy on me in the 5th grade? :\
-
I'm Batman
Winner.
There were several great ones, but for some reason, this one just really tickled me. I kept imagining that I was a hiring manager going over applications and seeing 'I'm Batman' on one of them. :lol
You're up, jingle.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 27
gmillerdrake - 22
lonestar - 14
Tempusvox - 10
kingshmegland - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Unusual things to be aroused by.
-
Kotowboy
-
:rollin
I was going to post black-floyd but King done ninja'd.
-
Decaying infant Orangotangs
Spawning Salmon
Collecting Semen from a Bull
-
A woman peeing into a tin cup
-
:rollin
I was going to post black-floyd but King done ninja'd.
:biggrin:
-
I'm pretty sure that'll win but anyway....
Your grandparents playing naked twister.
A toaster.
-
:rollin
I was going to post black-floyd but King done ninja'd.
:biggrin:
Plus there's nothing unusual about being aroused by Floyd, that boy's sexy as fuck.
-
:rollin
I was going to post black-floyd but King done ninja'd.
:biggrin:
Plus there's nothing unusual about being aroused by Floyd, that boy's sexy as fuck.
Was thinking the same thing mah man.
-
:rollin
I was going to post black-floyd but King done ninja'd.
:biggrin:
Plus there's nothing unusual about being aroused by Floyd, that boy's sexy as fuck.
Only if he's naked on a shag carpet holding my bourbon barreled Stout for me.
-
Chad's shiny head....
-
A toaster.
Heavy Metal the movie reference? I think we should be told.
-
Unusual things to be aroused by.
The dog humping your leg.
Your wife. My wife?
-
Kotowboy
After this, everything else was just academic. You're up King.
-
Damn, too late by a minute. Could have made it 2 from 2. :P
-
SWEET!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 27
gmillerdrake - 22
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Pet nicknames for Zydar's dead hookers.
-
Space ball One
-
Six of Nine
5-finger snapper
Doug
-
Mom
Brown Star Billy
Soft Tonsil Stacy
Handy Manny
Chlamydia Jane
The Prostitute to Be Named Later
-
Squishy
Floppy
Arghhowowowyayahhhhhhhhh
Bogart
Mayo
-
#71
#74
#69
-
Mulva
Chastity
Mrs. Blob
-
A$$ Man
Stands With a Fist
Ripley
Poison Ivy
-
The Prostitute to Be Named Later
This one caught my eye. Winna!
-
Thank you your Majesty!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 27
gmillerdrake - 23
lonestar - 14
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next Scene:
Odd/Strange etc. 'Themes' or Ideas to entertain The residents at an Old Folks Home.
-
A parade of Zydar's dead hookers.
-
Zamfir- Master of the Pan Flute
-
Spot the artificial implant
Name that scar
Viagra roulette.
Hide and go seek my teeth
Whose colostomy bag is it anyway?
-
Spot the artificial implant
Name that scar
Viagra roulette.
Hide and go seek my teeth
Whose colostomy bag is it anyway?
Just an FYI for 'scenes' this round going forward.......the bar has been set, I want to watch any of these unfold and play out :lol
-
Playing Scenes from a Hat.
-
Grandma Does Dallas
-
Who's Line Is It Anyway? No Really!
Bobbin' For False Teeth.
Dial 911 for.......
-
Who's grandchild is it anyway?
-
Ben Gay wrestling.
-
Ben Gay wrestling.
Master Chef RJ snatches the victory from the fingers of everyone's favorite Canadian Sir Chad with this last minute entry. Multiple connotations can be drawn from such a title.
You're up lonestar!
-
Thanks Gary!!!
Think this is the first time I'm running both games.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 27
gmillerdrake - 23
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Ok, let's take this one right to the gutter.
Next scene- Rejected Girl Scout Cookie sales pitches....
-
"Would you like to eat a brownie?"
-
I'll discount two of the pink boxes, and one of the brown.
You gonna buy a case, or am I gonna have to post on your FB wall "thanks for being so gentle last night, when can we do it again?"
-
"Do you know what Marsellus Wallace looks like?"
-
Please Mister? If I sell two more boxes, my mom says she can get some more "rock".
Your mouth says "no", but those hips of yours suggest otherwise.
They're perfect for when you got the munchies.
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVja68CPgUw
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVja68CPgUw
:lol I love the misspelling of the song title on that video, Blob. Makes the innuendo even nastier!
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVja68CPgUw
:lol I love the misspelling of the song title on that video, Blob. Makes the innuendo even nastier!
I did not even notice. :lol As if the song needed to be any seedier.
-
Come sample our box!
-
Our new cookie this year is a soft, white dough with a pink creamy center. Chocolate syrup is drizzled all over it and it tastes so good that when you eat it you'll look around all paranoid like you've just done something wrong. It's called "14 will get you 20" because there 20 cookies a pack for only $14.
-
want to tagalong my snickerdoodle?
-
We're going to unveil our new flavor Amanda!
-
It'd be a shame for people to begin to believe you tried to force me into your mini van......so, 2 boxes of mint and 3 of snicker doodle.....Right?
I'd hate to get beaten by Father again for failing to sell these remaining boxes.
-
I'll discount two of the pink boxes, and one of the brown.
You gonna buy a case, or am I gonna have to post on your FB wall "thanks for being so gentle last night, when can we do it again?"
Please Mister? If I sell two more boxes, my mom says she can get some more "rock".
Shit, pick one, Chad gets the win.
And you guys are some sick fucks man.... :p
-
Thanks you sir!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 23
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Zydar - 6
Podaar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Tonight's scene (since the day is now gone)... Rejected Valentine's Day greetings.
-
So you know what 'Valentine' translates to in English right......? It's "felatio on male genitailia'......and just so you know, I'm a male and I have genitailia.
-
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
It's Valemntines day,
Now suck my ....DICK!
-
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
It's Valemntines day,
Now suck my ....
Nick?
-
^ I fx'd it. :biggrin:
-
Rose are red
Violets are blue
And so are my balls
-
Yea, you're the tops, Babe. Now get me a sammich and be quick about it!
If I were Prince, you'd be my little red corvette...with the top down.
-
i'm going to totally give you VD on VD
-
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Stacy's mom has got it goin' on,
So I cheated on you!
~all apologies to Fountains of Wayne :)
-
Roses are Red,
7-11 has Sluurpies,
Please drink this spiked Wine and pass out,
So I can give you my Herpes
-
Yea, you're the tops, Babe. Now get me a sammich and be quick about it!
I couldn't choose between all the 'Roses are red' themes, so decided not to. This was just as good anyway.
Winner!
-
Yes! Thanks jingle
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 23
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Podaar - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Today's scene: New Walmart advertisement catch phrase.
-
Since I work at a Wal-Mart DC as a contracted company,
Live Smart, Shop Elsewhere.
Put More Mexicans To Work.
Rolling Baby's Got Back.
-
Yes it's shit, but at least it's cheap.
Open Saturdays, where you'll not only lose your kids, but your mind too... if you can find a parking spot.
-
Express Yourself America!!!
-
'Target for the shameless.'
On a more serious note, 'Come As You Are' might actually make a decent slogan for Walmart.
-
Dress your skankiest, and you too may find yourself on peopleofwalmart.com
-
More aisles per sq. ft. Than any other store....plenty of room to set up a mobile meth lab
-
We now provide direct access to Satan in aisle 6 to sell your soul.
-
I don't even like wall-mart but I had a pen and paper so what the fuck?
-
We now provide direct access to Satan in aisle 6 to sell your soul.
Funny only because it's true. You're up Gary!
-
Appreciate it Gregg!! Satan indeed is a shareholder of Walmart.....
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 24
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Sir GuitarCozmo - 8
Podaar - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next Scene:
Re-name any movie/TV Show with a Politically Incorrect / and/or Odd Title.....
-
Films
Sandra Bullock in "White Guilt" (The Blindside)
Leonardo di Caprio in "You'll Only Remember the Stuff That Happens After It Hits the Ice" (Titanic)
James Cameron's "Every Cowboy and Indian Movie Ever Made" (Avatar)
"Hairlip and The Preacher vs. The Aliens" (Signs)
"S-s-sstop Your B-b-b-bitching and M-m-moaning, You In-Bred R-r-rich British B-b-bastard" (The Kings Speech)
TV Shows
"Fuck You, Cause Every Character You Like Is Gonna Die" (Either, Game of Thrones or Walking Dead)
"An Excuse To Get Wasted During The Week" (Monday Night or Thursday Night Football)
"All the Neurotic Bitches I Banged Before I Met Your Mother" (How I Met Your Mother)
I went with truthful politically incorrect
-
C'mon fellas'......
-
Token Black Guy with Ghosts and shit (Ghostbusters)
Black man always dies first! (Most of the 'Friday the 13ths)
Fuck all logic! (all of the fast and furious)
The Hang-over-used-plot (the hangover I, II + III)
-
Classic 80's all the way, baby. Hopefully none of these need an explanation.
An Entire Movie Written Around the Attempt to Showcase Pheobe Cates' Totally Awesome Perky Young B00bs
6 Self-Important Little Shits Who Form a Completely Unrealistic Bond in Detention
The Average Girl Gets the Jock, The Nerd Gets the Prom Queen and Everyone Forgets a Birthday
I'm Nailing a Young Demi Moore and Still Can't Seem to Cut the Ties With My Meddling Neanderthal Buddy
British Band Stars in a Rock Parody, Only for Rockers to Say "That Isn't a Parody, It's For Real"
If The Army Was Really Run Like This, America Would Be in Deep Shit
Daryl Hannah is a Fish, Doesn't Show Her B00bs
An Entire Movie Written Around the Attempt to Showcase Beverly D'Angelo's Totally Awesome Perky Young B00bs and Chevy Chase's Slapstick Brand of Humor
Wall Street Guy Ends Up Homeless, Homeless Guy Takes His Job, and Jamie Lee Curtis Shows Her B00bs
An Entire Movie Written Around the Attempt to Showcase Michelle Johnson's Totally Awesome Perky Young B00bs
A Bunch of Really Disenfranchised Smart College Guys Join a Black Fraternity, Outsmart a Bunch of Jocks, and Setup a Completely Illegal Surveillance System That Would Land Them on the Sexual Offender's List Nowadays
Good Looking High School Chick Isn't Appreciated for her Brains, Puts On a Ralph Macchio Disguise, Fools Everyone, then Shows Her B00bs to Prove She's Actually a Chick
Two Nerds Create an Uber-Hot Franken-Babe with Magic Powers, Who's Subject to Their Wishes, One of Which Surprisingly Isn't "Show Your B00bs on Camera"
-
I apologize for the apparent uninspiring Scene idea :( I'm going to pic Coz for the great 80's effort(s)....there sure were a bunch of boob-centric movies :lol
You win Coz....you're up.......and I vow to have more inspiring Scenes in the future.
-
Awesome. And yes, b00bs are pretty much what made TONS of 80's movies worthwhile. :cozmo2::cozmo2:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 24
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Podaar - 7
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next Scene:
Worst songs to play at a father/daughter dance
-
Steel Panther - The Shocker
Winger - Seventeen
Kiss - Christine Sixteen
Whitesnake - Spit it Out
-
Cake & Sodomy - Marylin Manson
-
Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up
-
Foghat- I Just Wanna Make Love To You
Bad Company- Feel Like Makin' Love
Ted Nugent- Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
Alice Cooper-Only Women Bleed
-
Iron Maiden - 'Bring Your Daughter... to the Slaughter'
-
Iron Maiden - 'Bring Your Daughter... to the Slaughter'
Damn it
-
Boobs? yes?
-
Tool - Prison Sex
ZZ Top - Tush
ZZ Top - I Woke Up With Wood
ZZ Top - Legs
ZZ Top - Pearl Necklace
Oh, hell, anything by ZZ Top!
-
All good selections, but Podaar swoops in at the end and steals it with Pearl Necklace. Nice.
-
(https://cdnnottingham.tab.co.uk/files/2013/05/YES.gif)
Thanks Coz!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 24
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Podaar - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next Scene:
Things you do NOT want to hear inside the BatCave™
-
"Welcome to Oprah's vagina"
-
Before we venture in any further.....you must be initiated. ALFRED!! BRING ME THE CATTLE SEMEN, BUTTER AND #2 PENCIL.
-
"...It rubs the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again."
"I've had it with these motherfucking bats in this motherfucking batcave!"
"Stick around, in a few minutes I'll have Alfred bring us some warm milk and a blowjob."
"Okay, so its not really a batcave, it's part of the sewer; but you get used to the smell."
"I am John Myung!"
-
Robin practicing the words to Adam Sandler's "At A Medium Pace"
Listen! Do you smell that?
-
"What's this button do?"
-
You've had a rabies shot.....right?
Watch where you sit....some of these stalagmites are sneaky little buggars.
Yeah, I found this place looking for One Eyed Willies rich stuff.....
-
A Fart.
Bend over old chum.
Do you have a bat condom in your utility belt?
-
Welcome to Fantasy Island
-
Extra points for creativity!
Before we venture in any further.....you must be initiated. ALFRED!! BRING ME THE CATTLE SEMEN, BUTTER AND #2 PENCIL.
??? :lol
-
Much appreciated Gregg....sometimes randon creativity pays off.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 25
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Podaar - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next Scene: New line of merit badges and awards offered by the Boy Scouts now that Homosexuals are openly welcomed.
-
Accessorizing
Manscaping
Gossip
Shopping
-
Testing.....testing.......Bueller.....Buelller......Bueller.....is thing on?
-
Mikey just made his first anal beads from yarn and twigs and now receives the plug badge.
-
Mikey just made his first anal beads from yarn and twigs and now receives the plug badge.
There's really no need to go any further than this :omg: :( :lol
You're up King!
-
You picking a Scene King?
-
Oops! Sorry!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 25
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 12
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Podaar - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next Scene - A man is sent by his wife to the store, to pick up some Massengill. He sees a clerk and asks.............
-
Where's the snatch soap?
-
Could you kick me in the nutts a couple times to make this trip complete?
Sometimes you get that 'not so fresh feeling'....ya' know?
I usually keep the discharge and make a nice soup paired with Old Crow.
-
(https://replygif.net/i/1215.gif)
-
"Can you blow me where the Pampers is?"
-
Excuse me. Can you tell me where to find the duck-butter remover?
-
Excuse me, are these unisex?
What's the warranty?
Got this in extra strong?
*sniff sniff*. Methinks you need a pack too.
-
Which aisle is the salad dressing in?
-
Which aisle is the salad dressing in?
:|
:)
:biggrin:
:lol
:rollin
-
I don't normally act like a pu$$y whipped husband but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.
What aisle are the under aged hookers in?
-
Which aisle is the salad dressing in?
I lost it on this. Winna!
-
Like Gregg, it took a while for me to get it, then I lol'd. Hard
-
Like Gregg, it took a while for me to get it, then I lol'd. Hard
The best comedy is when it keeps getting funnier the longer you think about it. Coz created a real classic this time!
-
(https://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/7/79824/2160639-fuck_yeah.jpg)
That was one of those rare moments of instantaneous genius that I don't even know where it came from. Glad it brought the lulz.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 25
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 12
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Podaar - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
New scene: The question from your kid that makes you realize you failed as a parent.
-
Boobs: What are they good for?
Why would I ever want to drink beer??
What should I put on Dad: Bieber or Beyonce?
Can we watch the NFL tonight? (know your audience folks)
What's the big deal with Extreme reuniting?
-
What should I put on Dad: Bieber or Beyonce?
a comma would be nice
-
So Dad....what exactly does an overnight janitor at the truck stop do?
It must have been fun growing up with Uncle Tim. He's so cool....he wins at everything, he has tons of hot girlfriends, he's rich and Mom REALLY loves it when he comes over......especially if you leave to go to the store or pick up food when he's here.
Are you sure I'm not adopted?
-
Why does it smell like salad dressing?
Why does it taste like shit?
Do you think you could ride her all the way to the rhubarb patch?
-
But Dad, I like PBR and Jamesons...
-
Kiss sucks!
I'll take a nice cobb salad over wings any day. Low fat dressing of course.
-
"Hey dad, this is Gladys. Shes addicted to crack and has got borderline personality disorder, her mothers a meth addict, shes never met father, and she needs me. I'm gonna drop out of college to take care of her three kids during the day while shes dancing at the Pink Kitty. We're getting married."
-
My dream is to one day go hunting with Dick Cheney.
-
Yeah, I voted for the incumbent, so what!!!!
-
Dad, can I go to a Nickelback concert?
-
Dad, I owe all my success tol you. Every decision I ever made was based on the opposite choice of the decisions YOU made in life. :tup
-
Dad, stop buying me Lego's dad they are fucking gay.
-
Who the hell listens to classical music anymore?
-
Dream Theater is the worst band ever!
-
Wow, this was a tough one. Despite Chad's obvious knowledge of the target audience, this is probably the biggest failure I'd ever suffer as a parent:
Dad, can I go to a Nickelback concert?
I'm not sure I could go on after that.
-
Dad, stop buying me Lego's dad they are fucking gay.
This would've been the deal breaker for me.
-
That I could've dealt with, despite how much I love Lego, but Nickelback?
Just kill me.
-
You see the Lego movie yet? So frikkin cool!!
-
Not yet, but I am looking forward to seeing it, HOPEFULLY soon.
-
:lol
I shall post a new one when I get home! Thanks!
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 25
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
BlobVanDam - 8
Podaar - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
The worst Superhero tagline ever!!
-
I'm Batman
You're friendly neighborhood pedobear.
-
Aquaman - release my crabs!
The Flash - I always come first
Invisible Man - Peekaboo!
-
Superman - Don't believe it? Just ask Lois
Thor - Swinging his hammer 'round for you
Captain America - America, fuck ya!
-
Incredible Hulk - Penis size doesn't matter
Spider-Man - I'll shoot my sticky stuff all over you
-
Threadkiller Man - "He ignores you until you just go away."
The Procrastinator - "He'll judge you tomorrow."
Shmegland King - "What? Where? Who me?"
-
Threadkiller Man - "He ignores you until you just go away."
The Procrastinator - "He'll judge you tomorrow."
Shmegland King - "What? Where? Who me?"
Because I'm a moron these all win. :lol
-
:lol
Uuuu... okay. I'll post something tomorrow when I'm sober!
-
Yes...moved up one slot!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 25
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Today's Scene: "U.S. idioms the foreign exchange student you are hosting gets wrong."
-
From the high school wrestling coach: "I'll get down on my hands a knees, and you can start by taking me from behind."
-
From the amateur pr0n star: "I'll get down on my hands and knees, and you can start by taking me from behind."
-
Deer MP.....you are is God.....can has you play when in Mexico?
-
Wow, this scene sounded so much funnier in my head! I was expecting something like.
"It's colder than a well digger's ass in a brass brassiere on the outside."
I need to communicate better! I'd keep this open longer but I'm heading out of town for a week.
Gary gets the victory!
-
Wow, this scene sounded so much funnier in my head!
I've found that to be the case sometimes too.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 26
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 3
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
This isn't quite a 'Scene' per say.....but give me your best, most odd....funniest..etc Three word sentence.
-
Best scene ever. :neverusethis:
Blues win Cup!
Love the TSA.
-
Cubs win series
Clinton elected Pope
Tom Cruise sane
Justin Bieber swallows
-
Inlaw's basement rules
Me so horny
-
Stationary Store Moves
Recent Dwarf Shortage
Ass and Balls
-
Anal seepage milkshake
-
Recent Dwarf Shortage
This is just odd and strange enough to be an actual headline in a newscast, plus...it made me chuckle a bit. You're the winner.
Oh and RJ
Anal seepage milkshake
:puke: That's just wrong.....but oddly has there not been a dwarf shortage this would have taken it.
-
Thanks Gary,
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 26
lonestar - 15
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next scene: Worst thing to say in a children's hospital.
-
You're all going to die!
-
Listen up everyone. George can't make it tomorrow, so who wants to play Santa for these brats?
I'm Maury Povich, here with your paternity test results.
Sure, it's my first circumcision, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
That's nothin! Wanna see MY hernia? It's like I got a three-pack of tennis balls down there.
-
Santa will be performing your surgery. He's really a doctor.
-
Cancer ward? Looks like a bunch of midget Jingle.boys in there...
(I'm so going to hell for that one)
-
The Board of Aldermans have been replaced by Three Mexicans.
Anyone who cries gets stuck with this 16 gauge needle in the eye....got it!
-
Kid, this ain't Oz, and you ain't no Tinman. Sorry, but there's no heart for you, only doooooooooom...........
-
Just thought I'd tell you that there will be no Christmas this year......I just saw Santa in the ER with an antler sticking through his jugular.....wasn't pretty....
-
Who's looking forward to this morning's anal probe!!!
-
Who's looking forward to this morning's anal probe!!!
Wait....Chad, isn't that your normal line when entering ANY new setting?
-
We'll find out tomorrow about that! :lol
Hey Charlie, that bed next to you will be free tomorrow if you want the bed next to the window.
-
Kid, this ain't Oz, and you ain't no Tinman. Sorry, but there's no heart for you, only doooooooooom...........
Winner!
With a runner up of pure and simple,
You're all going to die!
-
Sweet, thanks man, had a feeling about that one...
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 26
lonestar - 16
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Jaffa - 1
Next scene- Things not to tell your waiter/waitress at a restaurant....
-
If lonestar cooked this, I ain't eatin it!
They call me Mr. Pink.
-
Maybe your just deaf or dumb....or both, but I asked for this Steak Medium Rare not Medium....now take it back and give me what I asked for.
-
"I'm sorry, but I can't seem to find your vagina anywhere on the menu. How much?"
Bonus points if it's a guy.
-
What the fuck you mean there's no bread pudding on the menu?!?!
How's your snapper tonight?
And make it quick toots, I wanna catch the 8 o'clock showing of The Devil Wears Prada.
I CAN SMELL YOUR PUSSY!
-
I lost my job today, so just letting you know in advance, no matter what you do, I'm going to sue the pants off this place and they're going to find you personally responsible. So, what does your wine list look like?
-
Grade 'A' establishment huh? More like Grade 'DD'....
You know I own a restaurant also, I serve one item only.....Tube Steak....wanna work for me?
-
Ill have the cream-of-sum-yung-guy and she'll have the cumquats.
-
"...and another thing 'chicka'...when you bring it to me, try not to stick your big hairy knuckles in my food. Got it!"
-
Can I have a menu please? I need something to hide me masturbating.
-
"I'm sorry, but I can't seem to find your vagina anywhere on the menu. How much?"
I have to see this done someday, and I know just the uptight bitch to do it to.
You're up bro!!!
-
I have to see this done someday, and I know just the uptight bitch to do it to.
Your wait staff must love you. :lol
Anyway, sweet!! Thanks for the W. :D
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 26
lonestar - 16
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
For the next scene, we'll look at the other side of the story...
Things a waiter/waitress wishes they could say to a customer who leaves a bad tip.
(I feel like somebody may have already done this scene before. If I need to come up with something else, let me know.)
-
I thought little dicked men were supposed to tip big to compensate? So much for that myth...
-
That's quite alright sir. By the way, hope you enjoyed the special sauce. Hope it wasn't too nutty for you
-
I guess he's saving money to buy his ugly a$$ wife a face lift and nose job?
Thanks bud but I'd rather leave these nickles on the table for your obknoxious as fu%k kids to choke on......
-
Eh, I knew this was coming the moment I saw that '91 Hyundai pull in....
-
Hey! Mr. Pink. Go fuck yourself.
"Never fry bacon in the nude" would've been a better tip, you mouth breather.
-
Eh, I knew this was coming the moment I saw that AME church bus pull in....
Fix'd it for you. You know you were thinking it!!! :biggrin:
-
Thanks bud but I'd rather leave these nickles on the table for your obknoxious as fu%k kids to choke on......
Brutal! :lol
You're up.
-
Awesome.....thanks a lot!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 28
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 16
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next Scene: Give me the most crazy or odd or funny or disgusting etc etc (10) word or less Headline for a Breaking Story. Anything goes.....
-
Lorena Bobbitt's Landscaping. We chop things off for less!
-
Man walks in on wife recreating "Two girls, one cup".
-
Husband finds used tampon in food. "It's a bloody mess".
-
Blues swept by Kings
-
Blues swept by Kings
:slowclap:
I didn't say 'actual' headlines.....
-
Blues swept by Kings
:slowclap:
I didn't say 'actual' headlines.....
No, you said "disgusting"
-
Dogs and cats live together. Chaos ensues
-
Man Left For Dead After Being Beaten By Dildo
Saudia Goverment Sues Over Use Of Term "Camel Toe"
Bigfoot Marries Lumberjack
Tony The Tiger Fired From Kelloggs After Gay Trist
-
Man Left For Dead After Being Beaten By Dildo
Saudia Goverment Sues Over Use Of Term "Camel Toe"
Bigfoot Marries Lumberjack
Tony The Tiger Fired From Kelloggs After Gay Trist
These are what I'm going for. More like these......
-
Woman shocked with two pink roses; one stinks.
CVS begins stocking mint flavored suppositories.
-
Hot Dogs cures and give cancer. Mustard has no comment.
-
Man kicks terrorist in balls; tears achilles.
Alice the camel does in fact have 10 humps.
Woodchuck chuck's 17 cords of wood
-
Man with Tourettes is new fucking news anchor.
-
Print editor resigns: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.
-
Print editor resigns: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.
That 11 words :P
-
Man kicks terrorist in balls; tears achilles.
You funny Canadian Hoser.......this one really got me :lol Just as I got within striking range of catching you too.
-
Well, at least I know it's not a conspiracy. You're a good man gmiller.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 29
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 16
kingshmegland - 13
Tempusvox - 10
Sir GuitarCozmo - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene. Opening remarks by Rob Ford during tonight's mayoral debate (truth... there is indeed a televised debate tonight for all 5 candidates).
-
Anyboy got any blow?
Sorry I'm late, I got cornholed on the interstate by three Mexicans in a Toyota.
-
Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
...and as Mayor I will expand our importing of fine commodities to cities like Amsterdam, Bankok and Tijiuana.
-
Hey, let's keep this short shall we? I just took some acid backstage and I'm not sure when the f..ker is gonna kick in.
So, last week I got a prostate biopsy done and I'm still pissing blood like a squashed mosquito. Anybody have an idea how long it should take to clear up?
-
Nothin more?
-
For two eight balls and a Hefty bag full of Hash I'll excuse myself from Mayoral consideration and settle for a city clerks position.
I currently have a hemmeroid that resembles Larry King.
Find me after the debate, I'm giving $5 handies in the third stall in the men's bathroom.....two at a time though so you can't be shy.
-
Come on, it'll be great. Can you imagine how epic the re-election party is going to be? I'd vote for me on that prospect alone!
-
Anyboy got any blow?
Almost forgot this was mine to judge. Direct and to the point wins it. You're up Coz.
-
Awesome.
Standings:
jingle.boy - 29
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 16
kingshmegland - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New scene: Jeopardy categories that DTF would excel at
-
'Real' Reasons why Portnoy left DT
How 'I' would mix and produce DT's next Album
Keyboard Wankery and why it Sucks
-
Meaningless Polls
Coz's awesomeness
Progressive Rock Sausage Fest
40 year old Creepers
RRHOF - Get the F out
-
Things that aren't funny.
-
Myung's Words of Wisdom
-
Nuggets.
-
I'll take "Why I think my favorite DT keyboard player is better than your favorite DT keyboard player" for 500 please...
-
Things that aren't funny.
Some good ones, but this is about as on the money as it gets. Few things around here irritate me more than when someone feels compelled to go into the funny thread and shit on it, by pointing out why something isn't funny because of (insert reason here). Stop being an overanalytical killjoy, and just laugh. If you don't find it funny, then STFU and GTFO.
-
Things that aren't funny.
Some good ones, but this is about as on the money as it gets. Few things around here irritate me more than when someone feels compelled to go into the funny thread and shit on it, by pointing out why something isn't funny because of (insert reason here). Stop being an overanalytical killjoy, and just laugh. If you don't find it funny, then STFU and GTFO.
This thread isn't funny
-
Thin ice. You skate upon it.
-
Am I dragging the reproach of a million tear stained eyes behind me?
-
Sweet, thanks Coz!!!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 29
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
OK, next scene:
Things to NOT say when receiving the communion wafer at mass, or bad responses when the priest offers the "body of Christ"....
-
*muttering* Cannibalists..
-
Gluten free, right?
Is this kosher?
-
If you stick it in there nice and slow I'll try not to choke on it.
-
Fuck off, I'm full!
-
C'mon Father! I'm starving here, and all you have to offer me is the body of Christ? Jesus!
-
Body of Christ is right. Certainly tastes like it's over 2,000 years old
-
I'll leave it running till tonight, then pick a winnah!!
-
'I'd rather have your body, Father. :zydar:'
'Hmm... No thanks. Got any Satan?'
-
Tastes a little gamey.
Whatcha tryin to pull father? This isn't Christian; it's naan!
-
Do you have anything kettle cooked?
Do you have any Allah or Budda....or perhaps some Sheeva? Christ tends to make me a bit gassy.
-
Another please... I think this piece has a vulture feather on it.
-
A Gentile tried to talk to me once....I ate his liver with some seeds from the wayside and a nice skin of wine
-
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour?
-
It's a wafer thin mint.
*runs away*
-
Gluten free, right?
Way to strike a chord with the chef. Fucking glutards.....
You're up Chadski...
-
Do you have any Allah or Budda....or perhaps some Sheeva? Christ tends to make me a bit gassy.
:lol
-
Just missed it, but nonetheless, I'll offer the following:
Body of Christ, huh? I guess Jesus really *WAS* a cracka...
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 30
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
masterthes - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene... How not to respond to a Customs Officer when being asked "What's your purpose of travel?"
-
Drugs, naturally
I'm Batman
-
My lack of coordination.
-
Jihad
-
'Oh, I'm not traveling. I just wanted to meet you...'
-
To impregnate someone's drunken daughter
I'm playing a SERIOUS game of hide and seek and I need a REALLY good hiding spot.
Because I'm Cool a$$hole, now get me a Red Bull and shut the Fu%k up!
-
I'm Batman
This is an appropriate "how not to respond" in ANY situation.
Winner.
-
Danke good sir
Standings:
jingle.boy - 30
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
JayOctavarium - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene: Radio ads you're least likely to hear during the morning commute
-
Try new prune flavored Tang ... Because everyone loves a little prune tang in the morning.
-
"Remember to Buckle up and stay alert.....65% of all traffic fatalities occur while driving to work in the morning"
"..tonight at 10:00 discover why when your wife says she's not in the mood it really means she's shagging your neighbor..."
-
An ad for a Dream Theater show
-_-
-
Too true Jay, you're up
-
I actually did hear a commercial on our local classic rock station for A Dramatic Tour of Events a couple years ago :metal
Standings:
jingle.boy - 30
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
This is probably a bad one but whatevs...
"The last things to say to a cop (Male or female) to try to get out of a ticket / towing of your car"
-
Have you ever wanted to have sex with a peanut butter jar?
-
Ever thought of alternate locations to put your nightstick?
I can't promise you I won't immediately get aroused if you cuff me......
You may have a radar gun, but I have 'gaydar'......isn't there something you need to tell your family?
-
That's not how your wife has me 'hoist' her.
Aphter 11 beersh, how tha .... hell should I know how fasht I wash goan?
Wanna hit on this?
-
If I can just have one phone call....I can get Three Mexicans down here to explain everything.........
I insist to be vigourously frisked before going any further.....make sure to check all cavity's as well.
-
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? Seriously, I've got Alzheimer's. Can you tell me who I am?
I'm Batman.
-
I'm Batman.
I can't NOT pick this.
You're up Chad
-
I'm Batman.
I can't NOT pick this.
You're up Chad
:|
-
I'm Batman.
I can't NOT pick this.
You're up Chad
:|
You know I still :heart you
-
I'm Batman.
I can't NOT pick this.
You're up Chad
:|
You know I still :heart you
I know. I'm Batman.
-
Well... this is awkward
-
Ahhh... the Batman ticket cashes in again. :batomnom:
jingle.boy - 31
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 13
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene: Since it's only a week away .... Unexpected comments from Coz's (or Mrs. Coz's) wedding vows.
-
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to confirm before family and god.....that Chad is Batman"
-
Dammit. No competing with this one. Gary should be the winner
-
"Zydar.....what the heck are you doing under there..."
"In lieu of toasting with Champagne, let us all take a shot of this glorious Tequila"
"Who are those three Mexicans"
-
Mr, & Mrs. Coz danced to Nickelback's "Something in Your Mouth" ?!
-
Mr, & Mrs. Coz danced to Nickelback's "Something in Your Mouth" ?!
Definitely the winner right there. It's so impossible, yet believable at the same time. :rollin
-
Lol
-
:biggrin:
jingle.boy - 31
gmillerdrake - 27
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 14
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
DTF meet up tonight in San Fran but it's not for the DT show. It's for............
-
Taking advantage of RJ :zydar:
-
Gay pile?
-
The after party.... :hat
jk its ttly 4 te shw lawlz
-
Verifying Lonestar's sausage was the best Jackie's ever had.... 3 out of 4 DTFrs prefer Lonestar's sausage.
-
It's for.......a brainstorming session on how to convince a girl to let you touch her boobies.
It's for......comparing the color patterns on your 20 sided die.
It's for......reviewing new masturbation techniques pioneered by MIT undergrads
It's for.....the Honor of God Mary Jane
-
To affirm with each other how much better they are than the rest of the DTF community. :omg: :biggrin:
To discuss the hidden meaning of In-A- Gadda-Da Vida.
To reminisce about the Great Pirate Uprising.
To share basement bedroom designs.
To bitch about why Space-Dye Vest was never nominated for a Grammy for Song of the Year.
So that Bosk can help Lonestar haul some boxes of old magazines to the curb. :biggrin:
-
A Chef, A Lawyer and a Canadian walk into a bar...
-
It's for......comparing the color patterns on your 20 sided die.
Gary, you are the winner but.....
(https://i583.photobucket.com/albums/ss272/kingshmegland/IMG_0994_zps7ecwlisx.jpg) (https://s583.photobucket.com/user/kingshmegland/media/IMG_0994_zps7ecwlisx.jpg.html)
He is watching you.
-
A Chef, A Lawyer and a Canadian walk into a bar...
Except that the lawyer stood us up. Hell, it was even an Irish Pub! Great bangers!
-
Thank you kind Sir!
jingle.boy - 31
gmillerdrake - 28
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 14
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Tempusvox - 10
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New Scene: create your own new holiday and the 'tradition' associated with it.
-
National Pick It Day- On this day not only is it acceptable to "pick it" in public, but encouraged. Be it your nose, your ears, your ass, a scab, a zit, etc. It's considered good luck on this day to pick any of the same on anyone besides yourself too.
-
National Couch Potato Day. Comes with a beer and remote controler.
-
Steak and BJ Day. Wait... Let's rename it to 'Be Like Coz Day'
Honesty Day... where you can tell everyone what you really think.
Of course... Festivus. Feats of strength and the airing of grievances.
Flatulance Day. Loud and proud... perfect for birthday parties.
-
National piss everyone off day, just like everone does to me every other day.
-
Milan Lucic Day - sac anyone you want with impunity.
-
Gimme a couple more....I'll pic a winner in the morning.
-
Milan Lucic Day - sac anyone you want with impunity.
:lol Love it!
BTW Look at the gif in the hockey thread.
-
National Pick It Day- On this day not only is it acceptable to "pick it" in public, but encouraged. Be it your nose, your ears, your ass, a scab, a zit, etc. It's considered good luck on this day to pick any of the same on anyone besides yourself too.
Something about this one intrigues me.....I think it's the ability to just pick someone else's stuff. It's just disturbing enough to take the Victory.....you're up Tempus!!!
-
Thanks Gary! I'd been in a "Scenes" slump
jingle.boy - 31
gmillerdrake - 28
lonestar - 17
kingshmegland - 14
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New Scene: Bad "Roses Are Red" poems. Here is an example to get you started:
Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't ever surprise,
Oscar Pistorius...
Okay, now GO!!
-
Roses are red
Waffles are blue
I was going to have some fun
But I never knew!
:puke:
-
Roses are red
Your chicken is cold
Fuck it
I'm an actor not a waiter.
-
Roses are Red,
Chemical Weapons can kill,
But aren't nearly as deadly,
As the a$$ hats on Capitol Hill.
-
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
my poems make you wet, I think,
so let's go screw!
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
but nothing's as great
as a really good brew!
-
Roses are red
My nuts are blue
Finish the chore
You cock teasing whore
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I lol'd real hard
At Luciens's card
-
Roses are red
My nuts are blue
I like dicks
And so do you
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Jingle is a good fuck
If you can you are in luck
no homo tho
-
Roses are red
with a bloody head
Violets are blue
Let's have a murder spree or two!
-
Roses are Red,
Like your vagina once a month.
-
Roses are red
Poems are hard
I can't finish this
Cause I'm a :neverusethis:
-
Roses are red
I hate rhyme
I love random questions
What is your favourite track 2 of the Rudess era played on an iPad between 5 and 9 minutes which hasn't been played live more than 37,8 times?
-
Roses are red
Like a dick on a dog
Violets are blue
Like my balls are too
-
Roses are red
Poems are hard
I can't finish this
Cause I'm a :neverusethis:
Winna! You sir, are up!
-
Sweet, thanks TV!!!!
Next scene.....
While repairing a flat on the side of the highway, you are offered assistance from three Mexicans. You're response......
-
Sanchez?
-
You missed a spot! *points at a tall spot in the grass of some random person's lawn*
-
You want to help, thank God! Ha ha. For a minute there I thought I was gonna get cornholed.
-
Primo Pinto esse! Hey, is that Lonestar in the back seat?
-
No thanks Holmes. I don't need a new roof. I just have a flat tire.
-
Wow! How'd the three of you get across the border? The sign says No TRESpassing!
-
I'm Batman
-
Wanna see my third nipple?
-
A German says to wait here.......
If any of you is nicknamed 'Bean' would you mind giving me a jump?
Where's Jamal?
-
Wow! How'd the three of you get across the border? The sign says No TRESpassing!
I'm sorry, but that pun is groan-worthy :lol
-
Is that a Prius?
Andale andale; eepa eepa
Don't you have some dishes to wash somewhere.
I appreciate the assistance, but ... And stop me if you've heard this one. Why do Mexicans eat refried beans? You ever see a Mexican that didn't fuck things up the first time?
-
Wow! How'd the three of you get across the border? The sign says No TRESpassing!
I'm sorry, but that pun is groan-worthy :lol
Thank you. I'll be here all week. :biggrin:
-
HAPPY VLASTO DAY!
:ontome:
-
Continuing with groanworthy puns (you're welcome Lucien!):
"Uhmm, three of you? Thanks for offering to help, but that's really taking it to the mex, don't you think?"
-
While repairing a flat on the side of the highway, you are offered assistance from three Mexicans. You're response......
"Oh Gott sei Dank! Andere Ausländer! Ich hatte schon befürchtet, von einem Amerikaner überfallen zu werden!"
Translation: "Oh thank god! Other foreigners! I was afraid I was going to get mugged by an American out here!"
-
While repairing a flat on the side of the highway, you are offered assistance from three Mexicans. You're response......
"Oh Gott sei Dank! Andere Ausländer! Ich hatte schon befürchtet, von einem Amerikaner überfallen zu werden!"
Translation: "Oh thank god! Other foreigners! I was afraid I was going to get mugged by an American out here!"
FTFY ;)
-
While repairing a flat on the side of the highway, you are offered assistance from three Mexicans. You're response......
"Oh Gott sei Dank! Andere Ausländer! Ich hatte schon befürchtet, von einem Amerikaner überfallen zu werden!"
Translation: "Oh thank god! Other foreigners! I was afraid I was going to get mugged by an American out here!"
FTFY ;)
Domo arigato. ;)
-
Dou itashimashite.
-
While repairing a flat on the side of the highway, you are offered assistance from three Mexicans. You're response......
"Oh Gott sei Dank! Andere Ausländer! Ich hatte schon befürchtet, von einem Amerikaner überfallen zu werden!"
Translation: "Oh thank god! Other foreigners! I was afraid I was going to get mugged by an American out here!"
Well played. You got the win man....
-
While repairing a flat on the side of the highway, you are offered assistance from three Mexicans. You're response......
"Oh Gott sei Dank! Andere Ausländer! Ich hatte schon befürchtet, von einem Amerikaner überfallen zu werden!"
Translation: "Oh thank god! Other foreigners! I was afraid I was going to get mugged by an American out here!"
Well played. You got the win man....
Yay! :biggrin:
jingle.boy - 31
gmillerdrake - 28
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 14
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
This scene: Getting trapped inside of an unusual virtual reality video game.
Go crazy, folks! :tup :lol
-
"Why the fuck do I look like a asparagus?"
-
"Why the fuck do I look like a asparagus?"
Because your pee smelled funny.
-
Great. My 8-bit shape is like Mario.
-
I was once a brilliant lead singer in a prog-metal band. Then I took a shovel to the face.
-
Suck my pixel
-
How long do we usually wait to announce the victor?
-
How long do we usually wait to announce the victor?
Usually a day or so. Let everyone get a crack or two at it.
-
How long do we usually wait to announce the victor?
Usually a day or so. Let everyone get a crack or two at it.
So does that mean it's alright for me to pick a winner now? Or should I give everyone a few more hours (though it seems I might not have provided the best scene to work with this turn around)?
-
Wait a few more hours.
No Leisure Suit Larry, I will not get in the hot tub with you.
-
Fap it Ralph
-
The re-release of PAC Man.....only set to a homosexual theme and is rated 'M'
-
No Leisure Suit Larry, I will not get in the hot tub with you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the winner! :metal
-
Oh the memories Larry! :lol
jingle.boy - 31
gmillerdrake - 28
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 15
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
New Scene! Things that should be left unsaid but you can't help yourself.
-
I've never seen a goiter that full of puss...
No sugar your right those pants do make you look fat
...your sister has a way better a$$ than you do.
-
Things that should be left unsaid but you can't help yourself.
"I think Dream Theater is kinda overrated."
-
Why do you have to get so fucking emotional once a month?
Bosk needs to lighten up a little
P/R is a dangerous place for people with dumbass opinions and no shortage of courage to share them
-
"Hitler did nothing wrong."
"Frankly, I think you're a shit boss... Oh yeah, can I have a raise too?"
"I've had better."
-
True story - I think, someone that I trust quite a bit told me he did that, when he was first invited to eat over at his parents-in-law:
"It was good and plenty - could have been more and better!"
-
It's a pleasure to meet you sir. You're daughter is a wonderful lady... did you know she has no gag reflex?
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
It sounds like English, but I don't understand a word you're saying.
-
"Excuse me? Yes, Professor, I was wondering if you could please repeat what you just said? I was too busy writing a post on DTF to hear anything."
-
It sounds like English, but I don't understand a word you're saying.
I've so wanted to say this before. Winna!
-
I know I'm late.... will get to this tomorrow. Brutal week of work/travel.
Fuck USAirways.
-
I know I'm late.... will get to this tomorrow. Brutal week of work/travel.
Fuck USAirways.
I thought you enjoyed those cavity searches?
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 32
gmillerdrake - 28
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 14
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
New Scene: Little known facts about Bosk.
-
He had the last person who used him as the subject in the "Scenes From A Hat" thread taken out and buried in the desert. Naked and alive!
-
He's Batman
-
He wears 2 helmets to bed.
-
He has a gentle caress....like fine brush strokes from the hand of Michelangelo and the touch of his lips to yours removes time from existence.......err.....wait......I mean.....ummmm.....forget it. Never mind.
-
Bosk once punched a magician in the face. Yes, that's right.
Bosk once restored balance to the Force to a galaxy far, far away. He had to commit a religious genocide and a last minute redemption arc to do it though.
-
Bosk and The Adonis have never been seen together....
-
Bosk has never dialed a wrong number; people just answer the wrong phone.
-
Bosk knows the letter after Z; and once counted to infinity- twice!
-
Bosk once took a Physics exam and answered every question with "Y&T rocks!" He got an A+.
-
Bosk knows the letter after Z; and once counted to infinity- twice!
You're in the penalty box for using Chuck Norris-isms. :bosk1:
-
Bosk knows the letter after Z; and once counted to infinity- twice!
You're in the penalty box for using Chuck Norris-isms. :bosk1:
But Bosk is so awesome that Chuck Norris stole that one from him!! :xbones :xbones :yarr :metal :biggrin:
-
Books spelled backwards is "I'll kick your :censored a$$"
-
GMD...who is Books???
-
GMD...who is Books???
Books is autocorrects choice of me spelling Bosk.
Or he's a male prostitute who frequents the 7-11 down the street.....?
-
He has a gentle caress....like fine brush strokes from the hand of Michelangelo and the touch of his lips to yours removes time from existence.......err.....wait......I mean.....ummmm.....forget it. Never mind.
I award you victory.
-
Thank you kind Sir for the awardation......
Standings:
jingle.boy - 32
gmillerdrake - 29
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 14
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
New Scene: If your sex life had an X-rated adult themed movie name.....it would be?
-
Where's the Beef?
Yankee Doodle Dandy
-
The Hanoi Hilton :biggrin:
Womb Raider
On Golden Blonde
-
C'mon y'all.........
Mine would be:
A Blind Squirell gets his Nut
The Insemination Adventures of Stumpy McStumperson
The Greatest Three Minutes of Her Life Pt. 1 "His Side"
The Greatest Let Down of Her Life PT. 1 "Her Side"
-
Mine would be...
The Imaginary Vixen
A Hand Is His Best Friend
The Girl Who Got Away... in his dreams
:lol :( :'(
-
Okay, I've been trying to stay away from this thread but...I'll bite.
Scene: If your sex life had an X-rated adult themed movie name.....it would be?
Answer: Flop Her Over Mates, She's Getting a Might Sloppy On This Side.
-
Debbie Doesn't Do Dallas
-
Debbie Doesn't Do Dallas
(https://replygif.net/i/1187.gif)
-
Debbie Doesn't Do Dallas
:spitcoffee: We have a Winner! Well played Deb.....
-
:woot:
Standings:
jingle.boy - 32
gmillerdrake - 29
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 14
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
New scene (and apologies if this has been done before, as I've just come back after a long hiatus and am too lazy to read back through the thread): Most winningest (shut up, that's a word!) thing you'd love to hear on a voice mail message.
-
I'm waiting for you with my Nicholas Cage pillow......
-
Can I haz cheezburger? Meow.
-
Good news. We found Jamal.
Gary...pack your bags. Dream Theater needs you to produce their next album. your headed to New York.
-
Yes Gary, thanks for holding. This is Maury and....you, ARE NOT the Father!
-
Hello...This Charlie Sheen. I've got ten hookers, Charlize Theron, a bowl of fruit, and a pound of blow at my house. There's a limo out front waiting to pick you up.
Hello...TV? This is the "VP of Soul Crippling" down at Random. We feel bad about all of the abuse, the blood-sucking, and the unnecessary, unrepentant siphoning and hijacking of your money because we're so rapaciously nefarious and wretched. So we decided to give you a brand new Bugatti Veyron. We know it hardly even begins to make up for all of our shenanigans; but the cars in your driveway. Keys are in it. Sorry...Lets do lunch. Call me!
-
j.boy... this is Zy. I'm on my way.
Yo, I just found out Dancing with the Stars have been cancelled. It's going to be replaced with Hunting With the Stars, hosted by Ted Nugent.
This is Sid Feinstein, producer from Shark Tank. We love your idea for handerpants, and would love for you to come pitch it.
-
Coz... this is the CIA. Thanks for your tip about Chad Kroeger. It's clear he is a Bolivian terrorist, designed to dumb down the next generation of this country. We've "taken care" of things.
Hey there... it's Tempus. I know you've been trying to get my real name for a while. Truth is, I'm a nut. Not your regular run-of-the-mill crazy either. I'm talking, Mariah Carey crazy. It's all made up. None of it is true. I'm a landscaper at Corker university. Mason really is a nerd.
-
Gary...hey it's Chad. Listen...I cracked a wise one about TempusVox on the forum and I dont think he liked it. He's at my front door right now with red lipstick on...wearing a pink beret, green bootie shorts and a sheepskin fleece. He keeps yelling 'I'm going to hunt your red October' and then chanting 18th Century Catholic hymns. I could really use your help, if you could.....**click**....(dial tone)
-
Gary...hey it's Chad. Listen...I cracked a wise one about TempusVox on the forum and I dont think he liked it. He's at my front door right now with about sixty writers and some landscape dude from Corker University. Wait! Shit! Mariah Carey just pulled up and she got out of the car carrying a giant black dildo! One of them said something about the Illuminati and doing "sexual things" with my skull after they peel off my skin. I could really use your help, if you could.....**click**....(dial tone)
fix'd it for you.
-
Gary....heh it's TempusVox.....listen, i could use an extra hand trying to remove this large black dildo from chads cranial cavity.....it really lodged itself in there being we went through the throat....bring some vice grips and three sacrificial doves. Thanks.
-
Rai, it's John. I'm coming over to rub your chicken tomorrow.
-
Holy shit, guys :rollin
-
*ding ding ding*
Your time is up, mentlegen. While king was the early front runner, Chad's gonna steal the win with this gem:
Rai, it's John. I'm coming over to rub your chicken tomorrow.
:rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin :rollin
You're up, dude!
-
Holy shit, guys :rollin
Yeah it went off the risks there after a bit.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 33
gmillerdrake - 29
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 14
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
The flipside of this scene...
The worstest (yes, it's a word!) thing you can pickup on your voice mail.
-
"Hey Jay, This is Bosk. I am personally calling every forum member to inform them that the forum will be shut down permanently starting tomorrow."
-
Joe, we traced your linage and you are Canadian.
-
"Hello, Jon, this is your agent speaking. I was just notified that you might have been cast in a big role in the next Star Wars film... if you respond to JJ Abrams within the next five minutes. Otherwise, no dice."
-
Hey Gary it's your Dad....just heard the Blues are picked to win the cup this year by all the experts....I'm so excited....this is our year!
Hi Gary....it's Johanna. I know we haven't spoke since we broke up 14 years ago, but there's someone I think you need to meet.......
-
Debbie, this is Maury - you ARE the father!!! :o :eek
-
John, it's Rai. Ever since you rubbed my chicken I've been pi$$ing fire and scratching a lot. Give me a call.
-
Hello Hef! What?! But I'm not a fucking bitch?!
-
"This is John with the National Transportation Safety Board, I'm terribly sorry to inform you that your wife has been killed in a plane crash."
Hey, it fits the topic. No one asked for funny.
-
"Dr. Johnson calling. It appears our surgical robot is on the fritz so we're asking you to come back into the office to sign a waiver on a new technique we've designed for prostatectomies. We're pretty sure if we get a mellon-baller cherry red we can scoop that motha' out and cauterize all in one step."
-
"You're fired."
-
Hey....it's Jamal. I have three mexicans in tow and we are on our way over to cornhole your wife......
-
Hello Hef! What?! But I'm not a fucking bitch?!
Poor Janet1234.
You're up King.
-
Thanks!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 33
gmillerdrake - 29
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 15
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
How would you force TAC to listen to the new Winger album?
-
Send over a hot 17 year old with a boom box ala John Cusack. Or just send over John Cusack.
Kiproll.
-
Waterboard him
Kidnap a couple of the cats he lives with and threaten to use them as fishing bait
Buy him a private lap dance with the only caveat being she dances to Winger
-
Tell him it's a live recording of the '93 DT - Maiden show. Tie him up beforehand, mentioning as a reason that you don't want him trashing the room in a fit of ecstasy.
-
Don't approach him with a plan.....just 'wing' it..........
-
By inviting to take him out to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. :biggrin:
-
Buy him a private lap dance with the only caveat being she dances to Winger
This may be the only way. Winna!
-
Much appreciated Sir King!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 33
gmillerdrake - 30
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 15
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Mister Gold - 1
Create a TV Show (Sitcom/drama/whatever) Three actors/actresses.....name of show and basic premise....go!
-
Create a TV Show (Sitcom/drama/whatever) Three actors/actresses.....name of show and basic premise....go!
"Scenes From A Hat: Round 2"
Genre: whatever
Main Cast
jingle.boy
bosk1
Zydar
Basic Premise: For years, the humble, prog-loving community of DTF Street, Canada lived in peace. Everything changed following the arrival of bosk1, an alien overlord administrator who seems to constantly shift back-and-forth between resembling Darth Vader and Ming the Merciless. With the community at stake, a lone hero rises up to challenge bosk1: jingle.boy, a Canadian citizen bearing a strange resemblance to Kim Jong Il. With his sharp wit and Canadian sense of humor, jingle starts a revolution via improvisational comedy, bosk1's greatest weakness. Caught between the two is Zydar, a hot, sensuous European beauty. Will love blossom? Will peace reign? Will laughter emerge victorious?
FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON "SCENES FROM THE HAT: ROUND 2!"
-
I don't think there's anything that could come close to that. :corn
-
TJ Oshie
David Backes
Ryan Miller
Starring in... So You Think You Can Play Playoff Hockey?
-
TJ Oshie
David Backes
Ryan Miller
Starring in... So You Think You Can Play Playoff Hockey?
:daddy:
This wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true.....
-
C'mon y'all....
-
Not gonna beg for more entries.....besides, this one took some major effort and was something I'd watch.....
Main Cast
jingle.boy
bosk1
Zydar
Basic Premise: For years, the humble, prog-loving community of DTF Street, Canada lived in peace. Everything changed following the arrival of bosk1, an alien overlord administrator who seems to constantly shift back-and-forth between resembling Darth Vader and Ming the Merciless. With the community at stake, a lone hero rises up to challenge bosk1: jingle.boy, a Canadian citizen bearing a strange resemblance to Kim Jong Il. With his sharp wit and Canadian sense of humor, jingle starts a revolution via improvisational comedy, bosk1's greatest weakness. Caught between the two is Zydar, a hot, sensuous European beauty. Will love blossom? Will peace reign? Will laughter emerge victorious?
FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON "SCENES FROM THE HAT: ROUND 2!"
You're up Mr. Gold!!!
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 33
gmillerdrake - 30
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 15
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Describe your dream date with Zydar.
-
We're walking in the woods. He has a his camera and a picnic basket. The scenery is beautiful. We find a clearing and he sets up a blanket. We sit down... he pulls a rag out of the basket and comes up to me with it and...
Well... you all know what would happen next.
-
I'm kinda surprised at how little activity there's been in this thread for the past couple of rounds. :justjen
-
On his way over to pick me up he notices a shiny silver box on the side of the road.....when he gets out to check it out his car is then hijacked by Jessica Alba. She speeds off and as she drives the onboard mapping system guides her to my house.
She knocks on the door and as I open it she immediately pounces on me 'Dark Angel' style and quickly removes all items of clothing I'm wearing. She orders me into my bedroom all the while throwing articles of her clothing at me until she to is naked.
Once we find ourselves alone and naked......my wife bursts in and beats the living crap out of her for forcing me to do such a thing. She bloodies her up pretty good and throws her out the second floor window.....then we have our typical glorious bout of tantric sex set to the background music of MC Hammer's epic CD..."Please Hammer Don't Hurt Em'"
-
He brings the coke and a tied up Blob, and we tag team a hooker while making Blob listen to When Dreams and Day Unite.
-
Ideally it'd be not to have a lingering headache from the chlorophorm.....
-
Slip into something comfortable, put on Pet Sounds and make out own pet sounds.
-
I'll rub the lotion on my skin, before I get the hose again.
-
He brings the coke and a tied up Blob, and we tag team a hooker while making Blob listen to When Dreams and Day Unite.
Ladies and gents, I present the winna! :lol
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 33
gmillerdrake - 30
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
New Scene: The worst thing you can say to a girl when she undresses in front of you.
-
Would 'sagging' be the right word for those?
I'm going to need a machete, bug spray and a snorkel to get through that.....
Your lack of symmetry oddly turns me on....
-
I feel a sudden desire to iron something.
That is an INCREDIBLY hairy bush.
Never knew spanx had so much strength.
-
My word, you're all over the place, aren't you?
Please, for the love of God woman, put your clothes back on
We're going to need a bigger condom
-
Can we turn the lights out, please?
Yeah, your sisters tits are just a little bit bigger.
Agggh!!
Has your _____ always looked like that?
Ugh!
Maybe we can just cuddle
Hurk!
-
Is that thing casting a shadow........that thing casting a shadow.......thing casting a shadow......casting a shadow......a shadow.......shadow.....
-
I feel a sudden desire to iron something.
This saw so out of left field and the imagery killed me. Winna!
-
Thanks King
Standings:
jingle.boy - 34
gmillerdrake - 30
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's scene: Things you can say about your house, but not your spouse.
-
The plumbings not what it used to be, a lot of leaking and there's an odd stench.
I thought an extra coat of paint would do the trick but it's still butt ugly.
-
Her asking price may be a bit steep, but I assure you, she's worth every penny
-
Her carpets a little worn and out of date, even shaggy in parts....it'll make it difficult to lay wood in its place.
I came home one night and found three Mexicans hiding the bush.
-
Too many people have gone through the back door.
-
Her curtains really flap in the wind if she's left wide open but it sure is a soothing way to enter....
-
*sigh* She used to be a real beauty until that oak fell on her.
-
Her carpets a little worn and out of date, even shaggy in parts....it'll make it difficult to lay wood in its place.
Ding ding ding!!!!
-
Wow, cool. Thanks Chad!
Standings:
jingle.boy - 34
gmillerdrake - 31
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Sticking with that theme...
Today's scene: Things you can say about your brother, but not your Boss
-
Hard to believe we came out of the same vagina
-
"Just remember that I came first."
"Yeah, well, Mom loves me more!"
-
We used to bathe together, and he always loved a good enema.
-
Gonna need a few more than this unless you want the Canadian to take home another victory.....
-
"You do realize there are pictures at my house of us in the bath together, right?"
-
When he does something I don't like, I just sit on him.
I walked in on him once with a bottle of Jergens's, and a Cheryl Tiegs poster. He said he had eczema, but I had my suspicions something else was going on.
-
I had that poster. It was on the opposite wall from the Farrah poster in my weight room in my parents basement.
-
I walked in on him once with a bottle of Jergens's, and a Cheryl Tiegs poster. He said he had eczema, but I had my suspicions something else was going on.
Just when I thought I was gaining ground.....your up Chad!
-
I had that poster. It was on the opposite wall from the Farrah poster in my weight room in my parents basement.
Didn't we all?
Will post later tonight/tomorrow.
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 31
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Today's Theme - the title of Tempus Vox's next best seller.
-
The Bald. The Canadian.
Seasoned French Fries for the Soul
-
I'm considering two:
"Brampton..The Center of the Universe"
or
"Brampton...Where Everyone Shares the Same DNA"
Oops! Sorry I wrecked it for you. :biggrin:
-
Riding Little Red on My Hood
Fox n Socks, Socks n Fox....Does it really Fuc%ing Matter?
Jack and Jill are now both Government Dependant
-
Seems as though we're rapidly running out of good ideas, or people are just bored with this game.
Seasoned French Fries for the Soul
This was the best of the limited bunch. Come up with a good idea this time Gar!
-
Seems as though we're rapidly running out of good ideas, or people are just bored with this game.Seasoned French Fries for the Soul
This was the best of the limited bunch. Come up with a good idea this time Gar!
Yeah....I hope it's just the lack of inspiring 'scenes'. This victory is hallow......but I'll take it!! :tup
I'll try to come up with something good.....no pressure, right?
-
Standings:
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 32
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
MetalJunkie - 1
Next Scene: "innocent" things/phrases and adult would say to a group of children that could be taken the wrong way.
-
What the fuck you little asshole!?!?!
-
Thank you, but I don't need any girl scout cookies, I already ate a brownie.
-
Girls, you have some nice pies here.
I'm impressed with your vocabulary. You're a bunch of cunning linguists.
-
Looks like 'Scenes' needs a vacation.....been a tough sell lately. It's difficult to come up with an inspiring scene I suppose.
-
Thank you, but I don't need any girl scout cookies, I already ate a brownie.
Slim pickins' but at least this is funny. You're up!
-
Worst fortune in a fortune cookie.
-
You should've stayed in and ordered pizza.
-
Your intuition is very keen, your wife's legs have had other Penis' in between.
Uncles who offer "secrets" spend the majority of their life in Prison.
-
That wasn't pork.
Nobody loves you, and they never will.
Your spouse has chlamydia.
-
Ye who pees fire, is married to a liar....
-
Not my picture but I did get this in a cookie once
(https://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lji9g8ioaC1qgkigxo1_500.jpg)
Cookie called me fat.
-
You are the Last Dragon....You possess the Power of the Glow.
-
Ye who pees fire, is married to a liar....
As you said, slim pickins. Winrar.
-
Yeah, this is getting tough. I'm curios as to if Scenes has just run its course or if the Scenes listed just haven't inspired? Anyway.....
Standings:
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
MetalJunkie - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
Mister Gold - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
Next Scene: Things you don't want to hear your masseuse say has he/she begins your massage......
-
"So, do you want the "John Travolta Massage" today?"
-
"Don't panic, I'm just pouring this oil down your crack so it'll be easier for me to slide in."
-
"I think it moved."
-
Bueller..........Bueller.........???
:-[
-
Looks like 'Scenes' needs a vacation.....been a tough sell lately. It's difficult to come up with an inspiring scene I suppose.
This. Not sure if we've run out of ideas, or run out of interest from others.
-
Looks like 'Scenes' needs a vacation.....been a tough sell lately. It's difficult to come up with an inspiring scene I suppose.
This. Not sure if we've run out of ideas, or run out of interest from others.
Who knows. Maybe just let it sit for a bit and see if it comes back around or not.
-
"I think it moved."
I'm going to give the 'W' to the Seinfeld reference in honor of the 25th Anniversary.....and that it's funny. hopefully the small break from the game will revive some interest.....
You're up Mister Gold!
-
"I think it moved."
I'm going to give the 'W' to the Seinfeld reference in honor of the 25th Anniversary.....and that it's funny. hopefully the small break from the game will revive some interest.....
You're up Mister Gold!
Wow, I'm surprised that I won! :biggrin: Let's see if we can revive this game. :hat
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 11
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here we go:
"Pornos or Porn Stars inspired by prog rock/metal songs."
-
"Bend Me Over... I'm Not Afraid"
-
'Pour some Semen On Me'
'You Gotta Fight, for your Right...to Bukkake'
Priests of the Temple of the Syphyllis
-
Smells Like Teen Syrup
Marks Tongue in Asses
Return of the Giant Hog Peen
Thick As My Dick
-
White Walls
-
Learning to live with Peter North
Wish you were here to deepthroat me
Experiments in ass appeal
Road of boners
-
Bukkake Tears by Steel Panther?
-
*snip*
Self censoring. On second thought my post was in bad taste and probably offensive.
All apologies!
-
Metallica - St. Wanker
-
*snip*
Self censoring. On second thought my post was in bad taste and probably offensive.
All apologies!
Since we didn't see it, go ahead and warn yourself. The next time it happens you'll have to ban yourself too. Be careful.
-
Marks Tongue in Asses
W-w-w-w-winnah~! :rollin You're up, TempusVox!
-
Oh wow!Thanks.
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 12
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 2
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
Okay...next scene.
Things you can say at a BBQ, but not a funeral...
-
"Oh, sorry man, the breasts were a little burned..."
"Hey, mind if I have that piece?"
"Can we share?"
-
"I'll have another."
"Just give the scraps to the dogs."
"This meat's really tender."
Edit:
If this is over the line, snip it. I've earned my ticket to hell, so here goes.
"I like it better when they're black."
-
I have another that's so damn offensive and fucked up, I'm still debating on whether I should even post it.
You do know what thread this is. We're a bunch of sick mofo's in here. It's not like this is being hosted by Drew Carey.
Scenes:
I think you should flip that.
The redder the better.
I've seen road kill that looks better than that.
And that's why you never trust a women with an open flame.
-
Somebody help Grandpa close his mouth, the flies are getting in there....
I really only show up to these for the food....the people drive me crazy.
It'll start to turn a and smell after three days or so...
-
I have another that's so damn offensive and fucked up, I'm still debating on whether I should even post it.
You do know what thread this is. We're a bunch of sick mofo's in here. It's not like this is being hosted by Drew Carey.
I edited the post to include it.
-
"How would you like yours cooked, sir?"
"I prefer to have mine served extra crispy."
-
"I like it better when they're black."
Ding, ding, ding!! Winna, winna chicken dinna! Funny on multiple levels. Yer up!
-
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 12
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
If celebrities or historical figures were door-to-door salesmen.
-
MJ, don't forget to update your standings.
"Hi, my name is Mao Zedong, and I'd like to show you some books I'm selling!"
-
Whoopsie. Thanks.
-
Good Evening Ma'am'. Do you have unwanted pests that live in your home, perhaps in the walls or under the floors? If so, I have a fool proof extermination system for you. My name is Adolf...may I come in?
-
"Hi, I'd like to have a word with you about Jesus!" - Jesus
-
"Hi, I'd like to have a word with you about Jesus!" - Jesus
:clap:
-
"Hi, I'd like to have a word with you about Jesus!" - Jesus
I'm not even going to bother trying to top this one. This is perfection.
-
Holy crap, I completely forgot about this thread. Bizkit wins.
-
Bump....or more like a giant shove.....anyway, Bizkit if you're out there....fire this thread back up!!!
-
Looks like there's nobody home
-
anyone feel like firing this thread back up?
-
I'd be game... but I think winners were running out of categories.
-
I didn't even know I won this :lol
Sorry guys I completely forgot this existed. I'll start it back up tomorrow!
-
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 12
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
FlyingBIZKIT - 1
Things you would say or do in front of you mother but never in front of your father. THINK ABOUT IT.
-
Goodness Girl!!! Those shoes....that blouse.....you look divine!
-
Why don't I have a gag reflex?
Does this top make me look fat?
Ever have that 'not so fresh' feeling?
-
Hey Mom.
-
So I have a debate going with a couple buddies and was hoping you could clear it up. How would you describe the taste of Semen? I said it was bitter with a hint of alabaster but I'm curious as to your take...
-
Hey Mom.
Loved the simplicity of this one. I've called my dad "ma'am" by accident before and the look on his face was priceless.
U GO!
-
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 12
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
FlyingBIZKIT - 1
Cedar-redaC-1
Something a professor would start the most boring lecture of the semester with.
-
Ok folks. Today we are going to talk about Brain Head, UT.
-
Happy Vlasto Day.
-
So now we'll start dissecting the music theory behind Octavarium.
-
In this semester's "Advanced Body Hair", we'll start with the pubic region.
-
Hello, my fellow American historians...
(my history professor actually says this, but his lectures aren't actually boring and he's really cool though so idk)
-
Today we will take an in depth look at the thirteenth word of the third law of thermodynamics......
-
Welcome to the complex universe of the snail! I will lecture for the first 90 minutes, and during the second half we will watch Sally make her way across my desk.
-
Two cars leave NY....one is traveling at 45 mph and the other at 75 mph..............
-
"Welcome to paint drying observation 101"
-
"Welcome to Insurance Law."
* True story. I took this class. There were about 14 students in the class. The prof wrote the text we used. His lecture was reading the book aloud. It was about the third class before anyone realized we were basically killing ourselves rewriting the damn textbook, and we stopped.
It was an early morning class. About 15 minutes into the week six class, I was propped up on one elbow, desperately willing myself to stay awake by reading along with his lecture one morning when he deviated from the text by saying, "We don't have to continue."
"Wait...what? My book doesn't say that!"
Snapping fully awake, I looked up and saw he was looking right at me! Oh shit, I must have dozed off and snored or something!
He repeated himself. "We don't have to do this." And he started putting his book and papers into his briefcase.
"Huh?"
Slowly, I turned my head first left, then right, and saw that EVERYONE else was sound asleep in their desks.
"Please wake them all before you leave" he said.
I looked back up as he bolted out the door.
Worst. Class. Ever.
More boring than watching flies fuck.
-
This semester in "Insect Mating Rituals 101", chapter 1 covers the common house fly.
-
"And now we begin our live observation of tectonic plate migration."
-
I forgot my papers and have nothing to give you today, so let me tell you the awesome story of my life. Let's start with the birth of my first child, back in...
-
"Now then, who's ready for the most interesting lecture of the semester?"
-
Whoa, totally forgot to post a winner. Sorry about that.
Ok folks. Today we are going to talk about Brian Head, UT.
Made me laugh from the get-go. I would also have accepted Enterprise, UT, Colorado City, AZ, or Panguitch, UT.
-
Oh shit. Thanks for the win! I'll update standings and post a question when I get home from work later today.
-
Soooo......want to see if we can revive this game?
What's a phrase you can say in a meeting with your boss AND in the bedroom with your significant other?
-
"I think we should include other people in this"
-
I disagree with that assessment.
I hope you remember this when it comes time for my annual appraisal
I hope you forget this when it comes time for my annual appraisal
I want to let you know I think I'm ready for a new position
-
Looks like things are on the rise!
I’m pretty satisfied with the benefits you offer.
-
I'm tired of being on the bottom.
-
At the Bakery meeting...
Yeah, that's a bit too much yeast.
-
At the Bakery meeting...
Yeah, that's a bit too much yeast.
Oh my God… :rollin
-
I’m very underwhelmed by the benefits you offer.
-
I’m very underwhelmed by the benefits you offer.
It both cases this will get you fired :lol
-
I think we should switch it up a little and start with the caboose.
-
I think we should talk about my performance.
-
I think we should talk about my performance.
Late Entry Takes It! You're up Vmadera00
If you're new to the game.....when you 'win' you find the last post with the standings.......post it and a new 'Scene'. Give the forum a day or so to make replies then come back and pick the next winner!
Updated Standings w/ Vmadera00's win
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 12
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
FlyingBIZKIT - 1
Cedar-redaC-1
Vmadera00 - 1
-
If you're new to the game.....when you 'win' you find the last post with the standings.......post it and a new 'Scene'. Give the forum a day or so to make replies then come back and pick the next winner!
I played on the "newer" thread before :)
https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=49978.1960
jingle.boy - 35
gmillerdrake - 33
lonestar - 18
kingshmegland - 16
Tempusvox - 12
Sir GuitarCozmo - 11
Podaar - 9
BlobVanDam - 8
Zydar - 6
masterthes - 6
TheLordOfTheStrings - 5
Jonnybaxy - 4
Scorpion - 3
Prog Snob - 3
JayOctavarium - 3
DebraKadabra - 3
Mister Gold - 3
MetalJunkie - 3
Jarlaxle - 2
bout to crash - 2
TheSilentHam - 2
Ruba - 2
Jaffa - 2
El Barto - 1
Lolzeez - 1
soundgarden - 1
Lucien - 1
FlyingBIZKIT - 1
Cedar-redaC-1
Vmadera00 - 1
Alright, new scene:
-Your spouse asks you to go to a friend's kid's birthday party. What's your excuse to not go?
-
I legally cannot be within 100' of a child under the age of 12
-
Don’t be surprised if the kid calls me Daddy.
-
Sorry I can’t go my cat’s been arrested.
-
I've already paid good money to see a school girl outfit this week.
-
I hate little kids.
-
I hate little kids.
Are you playing the game, or are you stating truth! :) :) :)
-
If you're new to the game.....when you 'win' you find the last post with the standings.......post it and a new 'Scene'. Give the forum a day or so to make replies then come back and pick the next winner!
I played on the "newer" thread before :)
https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=49978.1960
HA! Take that Miller. The current standings should be used! especially since I have such a big lead! :P
Current entryL
Sorry babe, I just opened a post from Stadler.
-
If you're new to the game.....when you 'win' you find the last post with the standings.......post it and a new 'Scene'. Give the forum a day or so to make replies then come back and pick the next winner!
I played on the "newer" thread before :)
https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/boards/index.php?topic=49978.1960
HA! Take that Miller. The current standings should be used! especially since I have such a big lead! :P
Oh OK, that makes sense. I was wondering where my wins went..
-
I'll update the win totals when I pick someone soon
-
Don’t be surprised if the kid calls me Daddy.
Winner! legitimately laughed out loud :lol You are up.
Standings:
jingle.boy 62
gmillerdrake 46
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 16
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
hefdaddy42 2
Indiscipline 1
-
Last week, Tom Brady made his much anticipated return to Foxboro to face the Patriots. When Tom Brady and Bill Belichick met at midfield after the game, what did they say to each other?
(One line for each for them, doesn't matter who goes first..)
-
Brady: Doink
Billichek: :|
-
Belichick: I miss you.
Brady: New team. Who dis?
-
Belichik: I love you.
Brady: I know.
(Star Wars, get it?)
-
Belichik: I love you.
Brady: I know.
(Star Wars, get it?)
TAC: I don't get it.
-
Yup, totally lost on me. ;D
-
Bill: so, can I come coach the buccs?
Tom: nah, we good.
-
Continuing the theme of references TAC won't get...
Tom: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Bill: Your faith in your friends is yours.
-
Bill: Gimme a ring later.....
Tom: I already gave you 6 of them....
-
Bill: Gimme a ring later.....
Tom: I already gave you 6 of them....
That is classic! :lol
You're up Gary!!!
-
Cool! Thanks Tim!
Standings:
jingle.boy 62
gmillerdrake 47
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 16
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
hefdaddy42 2
Indiscipline 1
Next Scene:
Unusual things for a neighbor to ask to borrow.
-
Plutonium
-
Your wife
-
A condom
-
Sriracha, 3 yards of twine, and some cardboard from the recycling bin.
-
Heavy duty trash bags, a shovel, and bleach.
-
Vagisil
-
a burrow
-
The remote for you TV
-
Your cat.
-
Your DTF login info.
Your selection of marital aides.
-
Sriracha, 3 yards of twine, and some cardboard from the recycling bin.
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQfuFxNnPwaFdcuRCUMp8b4_bU6MIaiA_sTQ&usqp=CAU)
-
Your Mankini.
-
Shields (https://www.depend.com/en-us/incontinence-products/men/shields-for-men)
-
Shields (https://www.depend.com/en-us/incontinence-products/men/shields-for-men)
Oh, ffs. I clicked the link, and now I have no doubt my FB feed will be filled with these kinds of recommendations! >:(
Gregg.... :evilmonkey:
-
Heavy duty trash bags, a shovel, and bleach.
Given the implication of these items.....that would be an odd request.
You're up!
-
I hate little kids.
Are you playing the game, or are you stating truth! :) :) :)
Yes.
-
Heavy duty trash bags, a shovel, and bleach.
Given the implication of these items.....that would be an odd request.
You're up!
C'mon Puppy......
-
Next Scene:
Unusual things for a neighbor to ask to borrow.
An idea for the next round of Scenes From A Hat on DTF..
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Unusual things for a neighbor to ask to borrow.
Thread defibrillator
At home COVID-19 test kit
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Heavy duty trash bags, a shovel, and bleach.
Given the implication of these items.....that would be an odd request.
You're up!
C'mon Puppy......
Sorry guys I'll post a new one when I get home from work.
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Standings:
jingle.boy 62
gmillerdrake 47
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 16
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
Puppies_On_Acid 1
New Scene:
Good news, but told in the worst possible way.
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You find your wife in bed with some dude but says his dick is an inch shorter than yours.
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You find your wife in bed with some dude but says his dick is an inch shorter than yours.
I suppose that could also count as bad news, told in the best possible way. :lol
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Six women offer to give you a blowjob, but one of them is a cannibal.
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"I'm pregnant...but you're not the father."
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"So, you know how we promote from within right? Well, over the weekend, (upper management person) got into a car accident. Horrible accident, decapitated people everywhere. At least 10 people died and 20 others injured. This means that ( any middle management person) would get that position. However, they all decided to go sky diving over the weekend and the parachutes did not open. They landed on top of a group of old people that were doing yoga at the park. it was horrible. But that means you are the next in line so congratulations on your new upper management position!"
Am I doing it right? :)
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"Hi honey, it's your wife. I'm in Cancun with Raul the pool boy and I'm not coming home. Oh, by the way, your half of the Lotto is on the table in the kitchen!"
<Airplane with big banner hanging off the back flying over the Super Bowl>: "Jingle, your herpes test came back negative!"
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Maury Povich: "You ARE the father"
Also Maury Povich: "You are NOT the father"
Reader's choice as to which fits the theme.
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"Hi honey, it's your wife. I'm in Cancun with Raul the pool boy and I'm not coming home. Oh, by the way, your half of the Lotto is on the table in the kitchen!"
:lol
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Any of the Raider's personnel, players, or fans reading the Monday morning sports section.
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"Hi honey, it's your wife. I'm in Cancun with Raul the pool boy and I'm not coming home. Oh, by the way, your half of the Lotto is on the table in the kitchen!"
<Airplane with big banner hanging off the back flying over the Super Bowl>: "Jingle, your herpes test came back negative!"
Turns out I forgot all about this thread :facepalm: Apologies all around.
These are both gold! You are up!
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Standings:
jingle.boy 62
gmillerdrake 47
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 17
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
Puppies_On_Acid 1
New Scene:
So, I understand that 3-on-3 basketball and surfing are going to be new events in the Tokyo Olympics. What are some Olympic events we WOULDN'T want to see?
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Intense typing - who can type the faster.
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Projectile diarrhoea
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Rewinding videotapes for the poor.
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Synchronized wedding dances
Feather shot put
Low jump
Mini putt
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Long distance Lugi Launching
Symmetrical Ear Wax ball rolling
10 Yard Feces Toss Accuracy
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Shake Weight Endurance Competition
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Simply-fit board endurance
(https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HeartfeltHappygoluckyIberianbarbel-size_restricted.gif)
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BTBAM Round Endurance.
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Equestrian
:flame:
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The Marriage pentathlon:
Day 1: Wives
Mind-reading
Passive-aggressive behavour
Worrying
Over-reacting
Silent treatment
Day 2: Husbands
Can't this wait
One hand down the pants
Not Listening
Loading dishwashers
Changing lanes
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Yeah, I don't see anyone beating the Marriage Pentathalon. You win! (Though TAC gets a special mention!)
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Yeah, I don't see anyone beating the Marriage Pentathalon. You win! (Though TAC gets a special mention!)
It was surely the "changing lanes" cherry on top that did it!
Standings:
jingle.boy 63
gmillerdrake 47
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 17
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
Puppies_On_Acid 1
New Scene:
Unexpected Jeopardy categories
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My Wife, The Tramp
Booger Types
Sexual Positions
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Grammy Winning Prog Bands
Famous DTF Forumers
Detroit Lions Super Bowl Victories
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Famous Jewish sports heroes. (Don't come after me, it's from a movie.)
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Refined Bloodletting Techniques
Name That Penis
Grafted Skin Uses
Non Rhyming Nursery Rhymes
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Grammy Winning Prog Bands
Winner right here. Honorable mention to the non-rhyming nursery rhymes though.
Load up a new scene, puppers.
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Woohoo, moving up in the standings! :biggrin:
Standings:
jingle.boy 63
gmillerdrake 47
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 17
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Puppies_On_Acid 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
New Scene:
Unlikely Superhero Names/Super Powers
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Colosto Boy. He can fill a bag.
Small Talk Woman. Can bore people to death.
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Chief Hella Woke* ... Defender of Political Correctness.
*I have to give credit to an offline conversation with another DTF'r for this one
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Gnat Man - Uncanny ability to annoy the sh%t out of everyone he comes in contact with (inspired by real life events)
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Super Con Man
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Chief Hella Woke* ... Defender of Political Correctness.
*I have to give credit to an offline conversation with another DTF'r for this one
I just wrote - and deleted - a long post about Dancing With The Stars and the "wokeness" that is utterly permeating that show.
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WiFi Man...can only stay awake when he's near a free Wi-Fi source. Drives the staff at Starbucks crazy because he's always there but never drinks any coffee.
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DTF-MAN... thread killer.
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Gnat Man - Uncanny ability to annoy the sh%t out of everyone he comes in contact with (inspired by real life events)
Sorry again for the late reply and holding up the thread
This one takes the victory, mostly because I think Gnat Man must frequent my house as well. :lol
Take it away gmillerdrake! :metal
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Cool ……thanks!
Standings:
jingle.boy 63
gmillerdrake 48
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 17
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
Snow Dog 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Puppies_On_Acid 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
New Scene:
Things a surgeon can say to his patient and staff AND his wife.
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"I'd like to fill that opening."
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“I want to get a film of that…”
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"Wearing a mask will offer extra protection."
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I've never seen that part of the anatomy do that before.
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"Did you eat garlic last night?"
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Let’s try and wrap this up quick so we can get home for dinner.
We’re gonna do THIS, again!?
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Open your mouth and say "Ahhhh"
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That’s going on Instagram!
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"Alright, I'm goin' in."
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I have to use such a long tool for this, the opening is very deep.
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We got a squirter!!
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I need more suction please.
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I need more suction please.
:lol We got a winner!
Your up!
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Sweet! Thank you!
Standings:
jingle.boy 63
gmillerdrake 48
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 17
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
Cool Chris 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
Snow Dog 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Puppies_On_Acid 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
New Scene (inspired by my toddler son):
Things you never thought you’d have to say, and then you had a kid. (Non parents obviously welcome to chime in too! :) )
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Stop sticking that in your sisters ear
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Use the toilet, please.
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What? It's 9pm already? I'm headed to bed, I'm exhausted.
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You're causing confusion and delay.
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More suction, please.
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Jesus Christ, stop choking the cat or I’ll piss on your pillow! Or maybe that’s just me
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Daddy drinks because you cry…
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You're causing confusion and delay.
You read the topic wrong. It is not "Things you never thought you’d have to say, and then you got in a relationship with a woman."
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"Not tonight, honey, I have a headache."
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Close the door. Are you trying to heat the whole neighbourhood?
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I forgot what I came in here for.
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That's your fifth shower today buddy.....give the hot water heater and your forearm a break.
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What? It's 9pm already? I'm headed to bed, I'm exhausted.
That exhaustion caught up to me last week. This hits too close to home, and it wins. You’re up!
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Standings:
jingle.boy 63
gmillerdrake 48
lonestar 25
Podaar 24
TempusVox 23
kingshmegland 22
Stadler 17
Cool Chris 12
TAC 11
Sir GuitarCozmo 11
TheSilentHam 10
masterthes 9
BlobVanDam 8
Snow Dog 8
El Barto 7
Zydar 7
JayOctavarium 6
TheLordOfTheStrings 5
MetalJunkie 5
Mister Gold 4
Jonnybaxy 4
LeeHarveyKennedy 5
Soupytwist 4
Jarlaxle 4
DebraKadabra 3
Master Cup-Zula 3
millahh 3
Prog Snob 3
Scorpion 3
vmadera 3
984759827 2
bout to crash 2
contest_sanity 2
FlyingBIZKIT 2
Jaffa 2
robwebster 2
Ruba 2
AngelBack 2
hefdaddy42 2
Puppies_On_Acid 2
Cedar-redaC 1
chknptpie 1
der Ruhige Schinken 1
Fiery Winds 1
FlyingBIZKIT 1
Ħ 1
Jamesman 1
Lolzeez 1
Lucien 1
Pols Voice 1
Ravenheart 1
soundgarden 1
Super Star Wars 1
Indiscipline 1
I apologize for going off-script. In the spirit of the season, what is your fondest holiday memory of childhood?
I realize this might not be fully inclusive. If so, please share your fondest childhood memory, regardless of season.
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.
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Hard to top that one! :)
Me? I'm not sure FONDEST, but a fond memory was the lake behind my house. It was bordered by houses for about half of it, and woods for the rest. There was one spot, a grassy knoll, that was invisible from the road or the neighboring houses, but I could see the lake. I used to sit there for hours sometimes, reading and listening to my Walkman, in my own world.
To this day, this lyric transports me almost instantly:
A hot and windy August afternoon
Has the trees in constant motion
With a flash of silver leaves
As they're rocking in the breeze
The boy lies in the grass with one blade
Stuck between his teeth
A vague sensation quickens
In his young and restless heart
And a bright and nameless vision
Has him longing to depart
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It was Christmas morning. I woke up early and it was like your usual Christmas. The room was dark, lit only by the lights on the tree. It was hard times, and Mom had a single gift for me. She handed me a package that I unwrapped, and inside it was a shoe-box. I opened up the box to find a single (obviously second-hand) Terminator 2 action figure. There was no packaging, so it was clear it had to have been from a garage sale or something. My mom looked at me apologetically and said it was all she could afford. I was extremely appreciative and just old enough to know what it meant to her to be able to give me a present. I hugged her, and I always loved the Terminator 2 figure she gave me.
I always look back on this Christmas as a reminder of how my mom goes out of her way to make me happy.
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My parents always put stockings at the bottom of our bed - part of it was to keep us amused and occupied while my parents could sleep in. One year (I was probably 7 or 8) I tried to catch Santa, but stuffing my stocking down my shirt. It didn't work. I woke up to a full stocking at the bottom of my bed. Also, breakfasts's at my Grandparents farm were always da bomb. My grandma would cook so much food. My grandpa had this 5 foot stocking he'd put one the gifts in for all the kids (four of us - me, brother, and two cousins). There was always a ton of snow up there, and playing for hours outside and in the forest on their property was fantastic.
Oddly, I don't have a specific, or single, or *that* memory that sticks out other than those good times.
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Hard to top that one! :)
Sorry, I'd over-shared a story that wasn't in the spirit of Cool Chris post. After thinking about it, I just came back and deleted it.
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I'll share a story..
My wife and I moved in together in August of 1996. We weren't married yet. Her son was 6 and lived with us. The Christmas, he was worried that he wouldn't get any presents from Santa because he wasn't at his former house and that Santa wouldn't be able to find him.
The look on his face was priceless that Christmas morning. He screamed, "He came!! He found me!!". It was really cute.