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General => Movies and TV => Topic started by: yeshaberto on September 25, 2012, 11:17:44 PM
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A movie I was just watching reminded me of the one about timers on bombs...
Some of these are classic
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit
level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel
to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition
- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through
it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat
it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give
him 48 hours to finish the job.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending
phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by
one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption
or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
inside.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at that precise moment.
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just thought of another one:
anytime you are in a car chase, it is inevitable to break through a construction zone
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All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
And don't forget that the wires are always conveniently colour coded for easy defusing. Lucky that they never switch the wire colours, or use their own design without colour coding.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
And of course any person can be knocked out unconscious with only one hit to the head, and will always remain unconscious until you leave, no matter how long that is.
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:clap:
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As a law enforcer you have to break several laws just to protect the law, otherwise you won't accomplish shit.
Having sex in a horror movie is a sure way to die horribly.
If you run away from a bad guy, monster, alien etc. you HAVE to stumble and fall and you HAVE to crawl afterwards, especially in dark woods. Standing up and running again is clearly forbidden.
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Coughing is always a sign of terminal illness.
Sneaking around causes an uncontrollable urge to sneeze.
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When you're alone in a house and you hear a noise, you have to shout "Hello?" or "Who's there?", alerting any potential murderer/rapist/sicko/whatever of your position.
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Torches use an immense amount of power, and thus batteries will only last a matter of minutes.
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No one ever needs a tissue (paper towel, etc) after sex.
In every school, there is at least one nerd or wimp that is shoved into lockers that are big enough to hold them.
Bags of groceries are never heavy.
High-powered female executives always wear miniskirts and five-inch heels to work
A cigarette case/lighter in the shirt pocket will always block the bullet.
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All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
And don't forget that the wires are always conveniently colour coded for easy defusing. Lucky that they never switch the wire colours, or use their own design without colour coding.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
And of course any person can be knocked out unconscious with only one hit to the head, and will always remain unconscious until you leave, no matter how long that is.
Yes Yes Yes. This one has always annoyed me to no end. The person always knows exactly how hard to hit the cranium, and exactly where, to produce the "10 minute knock-out" with no subsequent effects to the victim ::).
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I have learned that America is mainly made up of just two kinds of people... Those who hoard the fuck out of everything, and those who make their living by buying stuff from hoarders and selling it to other hoarders.
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All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
And don't forget that the wires are always conveniently colour coded for easy defusing. Lucky that they never switch the wire colours, or use their own design without colour coding.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
And of course any person can be knocked out unconscious with only one hit to the head, and will always remain unconscious until you leave, no matter how long that is.
Yes Yes Yes. This one has always annoyed me to no end. The person always knows exactly how hard to hit the cranium, and exactly where, to produce the "10 minute knock-out" with no subsequent effects to the victim ::).
Dr. McCoy would always use a karate chop to the brachial plexus. Much more believable, for which I always thought better of the ST people.
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This thread reminded me of Peter's Evil Overlord List, which is sort of related to the topic.
https://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
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The bad guy always gives a monologue when he has the good guys tied up. Even if he has the chance to kill them and he knows that the police are on the way, there will always be a speech of some kind. He will always end just before the police get there, unless he's about to divulge some secret information. In this case, he will be shot or otherwise incapacitated by another bad guy first. This bad guy then escapes, even though the police have the place surrounded.
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Oh that reminds me-
Your enemy will always try to kill you while pursuing you, until they finally have the clear shot, at which point they will decide they only want to capture you.
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The bad guy always gives a monologue when he has the good guys tied up. Even if he has the chance to kill them and he knows that the police are on the way, there will always be a speech of some kind. He will always end just before the police get there, unless he's about to divulge some secret information. In this case, he will be shot or otherwise incapacitated by another bad guy first. This bad guy then escapes, even though the police have the place surrounded.
so true!
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And don't forget that the wires are always conveniently colour coded for easy defusing. Lucky that they never switch the wire colours, or use their own design without colour coding.
So true... EXCEPT, and I realize it's a motion picture and not TV, The Abyss. When He's defusing the nuke underwater with a green glowstick....he can't tell the colors of the wires :biggrin:
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When the protagonist falls in love, it is always with someone who doesn't know they exist.
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Punching people in the mouth repeatedly does almost no physical damage of any kind to the hands of the person doing the punching and almost never results in the person who is getting punched ending up losing any teeth.
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Apparently it's very easy to go through a wall without suffering any back damage in the least.
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And don't forget that the wires are always conveniently colour coded for easy defusing. Lucky that they never switch the wire colours, or use their own design without colour coding.
So true... EXCEPT, and I realize it's a motion picture and not TV, The Abyss. When He's defusing the nuke underwater with a green glowstick....he can't tell the colors of the wires :biggrin:
I thought of that scene, but kept it to myself. :facepalm:
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America is the only country in the world. At least the only one that matters.
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When a fugitive (etc.) places a phone call, he has one minute to talk before his location is traced.
When there's an asshole character in a horror movie, he will take one for the team later on.
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Foreign women will always betray you.
If you get a call from Jason Bourne, don't immediately say your full name when you pick up.
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Foreign women will always betray you.
Well that one's just true.
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It is advisable to wait for a near-death situation to kiss a girl. If you don't, she will reject you.
Beware bald men. They will try to beat you up. Don't bother reasoning with them - they can't talk.
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It is advisable to wait for a near-death situation to kiss a girl. If you don't, she will reject you.
That's your chance, Hayden! Should I get my gun?
I'm sorry, that was just mean, but I couldn't resist.
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The only real point of working anywhere is to bone your co-workers.
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It is advisable to wait for a near-death situation to kiss a girl. If you don't, she will reject you.
That's your chance, Hayden! Should I get my gun?
I'm sorry, that was just mean, but I couldn't resist.
:lol Sound good man.
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If you're a diagnostician and you don't know what you're dealing with, the best thing to do is prescribe steroids and see if the patient slips into a coma.
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Okay now the list seems to be getting a bit less right.
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You have to kill vampires by cutting their heads off.
Kill ghosts by finding their body and salting then burning the remains. For some reason, salting is not alwas required.
Demons can't enter doors/windows lined with salt.
Rock salt loaded into shotgun shells is effective against ghosts.
A Latin speech will exorcise a demon and send it back to hell.
Reapers are hot. Nurses are hot. Hell, everyone is hot.
Classic Impalas magically heal themselves on a weekly basis.
...so I've been on a Supernatural kick. Sue me.
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all cases are solved in exactly 45 minutes
the criminal will always give a speech explaining the entire plot as he waits to kill his pursuer, but will be captured by police right as he finishes the explanation
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Every romantic relationship follows these steps once the relationship starts.
1. Everything is amazing.
2. Guy messes up.
3. Guy can easily get out of the mess up if he just explains the truth but never does under any circumstance.
4. Girl leaves, lots of montages about missing each other.
6. 6 or so weeks later the guy gets the girl back by making a very intimate speech in front of a crap load of strangers in a situation that he ruins by making said speech.
7. Credits roll.
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America is the only country in the world. At least the only one that matters.
And New York is the only city in America.
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You have to kill vampires by cutting their heads off.
Kill ghosts by finding their body and salting then burning the remains. For some reason, salting is not alwas required.
Demons can't enter doors/windows lined with salt.
Rock salt loaded into shotgun shells is effective against ghosts.
A Latin speech will exorcise a demon and send it back to hell.
Reapers are hot. Nurses are hot. Hell, everyone is hot.
Classic Impalas magically heal themselves on a weekly basis.
...so I've been on a Supernatural kick. Sue me.
:heart
A monster's primary strategy for attack is to first knock the shotgun out of your hand and then slowly strangle you just barely within reach of it.
Demons have much wittier things to say than humans.
People knew everything about evil monsters in the dark ages, so if you need to know how to kill something, all you have to do is find the correct ancient text.
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Got advanced modern technology? Well, this ancient technology/magic can tamper with the very laws of nature and the universe.
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Got advanced modern technology? Well, this ancient technology/magic can tamper with the very laws of nature and the universe.
Did you just watch The Avengers?
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It only describes every sci-fi/fantasy action movie ever.
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LostTechnology
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It only describes every sci-fi/fantasy action movie ever.
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LostTechnology
Yea well...............................I just watched the extras to The Avengers.
So booya. Or something.
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Ah, still haven't picked up that DVD. Great in-theater experience though.
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America is the only country in the world. At least the only one that matters.
And New York is the only city in America.
And occasionally Los Angeles.
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And on rare occasion, Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
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And on rare occasion, Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
:neverusethis:
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:rollin
God DAMN I'm slow today. That wasn't even intentional. Cedar Rapids is just my default "Anytown, USA" punching bag for jokes about random cities. What are the fucking odds of that?
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a sniper can take out every "extra" on the scene with a single shot from hundreds of feet away, but can't hit the "star" even though he is only a few feet away
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This applies to an earlier one:
If the hero is using a revolver with six bullet capacity, he/she will fire their gun over ten times without reloading.
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This applies to an earlier one:
If the hero is using a revolver with six bullet capacity, he/she will fire their gun over ten times without reloading.
so true.
every foot chase must pass through a restaurant kitchen and a stairwell
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~25% of car chases go through an open market, too.
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The police arrive at the serial killer's house only moments before the killer claims their next victim. Always.
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The police arrive at the serial killer's house only moments before the killer claims their next victim. Always.
OH GOD THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY ON CRIMINAL MINDS!
Like, here we have a show that tries to take a grittier, more realistic approach to serial killers, but there's always ONE MORE VICTIM that they happen to be RACING TO SAVE just in time.
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Not to mention that person they save in the nick of time is usually someone the main character wants to bone.
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:lol this one is my all-time favorite
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by
one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
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You have to kill vampires by cutting their heads off.
Kill ghosts by finding their body and salting then burning the remains. For some reason, salting is not alwas required.
Demons can't enter doors/windows lined with salt.
Rock salt loaded into shotgun shells is effective against ghosts.
A Latin speech will exorcise a demon and send it back to hell.
Reapers are hot. Nurses are hot. Hell, everyone is hot.
Classic Impalas magically heal themselves on a weekly basis.
...so I've been on a Supernatural kick. Sue me.
:heart
A monster's primary strategy for attack is to first knock the shotgun out of your hand and then slowly strangle you just barely within reach of it.
Demons have much wittier things to say than humans.
People knew everything about evil monsters in the dark ages, so if you need to know how to kill something, all you have to do is find the correct ancient text.
A few more.
Don't ever accept something from someone willing to give you "ten more years."
Don't buy old paintings with creepy people in them. Seriously, fuck that episode.
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Also, cremation is more common than burial. Who knew?
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TV (and movie) characters know they're being watched and will gladly explain their back story nonchalantly through conversation with another character. I'm looking at you Sam Winchester.
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Long hallways with flickering lights are to be avoided at all costs.
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Long hallways with flickering lights are to be avoided at all costs.
To be fair, this rule sometimes does turn out to be true. :P
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If a pop star is about to release an album, they will show up on a primetime drama show as a guest star.
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99% of the worlds population is very attractive.
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I learnt that Oliver Cromwell banned Christmas, and Louis XVI liked to drop his pants as a party trick
...Just bear it in mind that I only watch educational shows and Doctor Who.
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I apologize if this has already been posted..
Even if they look dead... shoot them again in the head.
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TV (and movie) characters know they're being watched and will gladly explain their back story nonchalantly through conversation with another character. I'm looking at you Sam Winchester.
If you work in entertainment, you'll find it's more unusual when people don't do this than when they do.
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Only Major cities will be destroyed when the world ends.
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Only Major cities will be destroyed when the world ends.
That's because major cities are the only places that exist, aside from suburban Pennsylvania and California.
Also, if it's not in the United States or Japan, the local technology hasn't changed in at least a century.
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TV (and movie) characters know they're being watched and will gladly explain their back story nonchalantly through conversation with another character. I'm looking at you Sam Winchester.
If you work in entertainment, you'll find it's more unusual when people don't do this than when they do.
I forgot to add: the character being told the backstory already knows it because he's the freakin' brother!
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I apologize if this has already been posted..
Even if they look dead... shoot them again in the head.
Especially if they look dead!
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This thread: :metal
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
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Heroes are usually white. They are rarely black (but when they are, they're super badass). They're never Asian, Indian, or Latino.
Also, only white people lived in Middle-Earth.
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Women's showers dispense makeup onto their face even when the showering was partly for the purpose of removing makeup.
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
this
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
Only disposable bad guys and only when shooting at main characters.
Main characters are impossible to hit. Extras are like magnets.
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Everything has some form of self-destruct and you know it will be used.
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
Only disposable bad guys and only when shooting at main characters.
Main characters are impossible to hit. Extras are like magnets.
Red Shirts. :lol
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I just watched The Avengers and I realized that no matter how many times New York City (or any other city for that matter) is destroyed. It will be rebuilt before the credits are over.
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I just watched The Avengers and I realized that no matter how many times New York City (or any other city for that matter) is destroyed. It will be rebuilt before the credits are over.
........it wasn't rebuilt before the credits were over.
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I just watched The Avengers and I realized that no matter how many times New York City (or any other city for that matter) is destroyed. It will be rebuilt before the credits are over.
........it wasn't rebuilt before the credits were over.
Sorry, I wasn't thinking The Avengers in particular, so let me rephrase: In most movies and TV shows for that matter, no matter what chaos occurs, the city in which the show is set will be restored to it's original condition. Take Springfield from The Simpsons for instance, or the high school from Saved By The Bell
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.......alright.
Also, it seems that being bashed in the head with a rifle or gun will cause no damage other than being knocked out.
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Also, it seems that being bashed in the head with a rifle or gun will cause no damage other than being knocked out.
And a properly placed Vulcan neck pinch can render the victim unconscious indefinitely
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criminals think nothing of tying up their pursuers together, unaware that they can plot together to escape and capture the criminal
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There isn't a single high school in the world that isn't rife with bullying and drug sale. Also, it's normal for all high schoolers to look like they're in their 20s.
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All car tires squeal when the car starts or stops, regardless of the speed at which the car is moving.
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Every metal door makes the same sound when opened.
Cats are incredibly patient and like to play tricks on humans by hiding in closets and scaring the crap out of them.
John Cena is invincible and will only be scratched by the main villian.
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That every highway accident on C.H.I.P.S Never involved new cars in the 80's.
So never drive a 60's or 70's car.
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Every bag of groceries must contain one baguette of bread protruding from the top. Every bag of groceries that breaks must contain oranges.
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Charlie Sheen can only remember his fake name for all his characters.
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
Only disposable bad guys and only when shooting at main characters.
Main characters are impossible to hit. Extras are like magnets.
The main character will always be able to run safely during semi automatic fire while soon after they take cover, they can take out the semi automatic gun wielders with one single bullet from a pistol.
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
Only disposable bad guys and only when shooting at main characters.
Main characters are impossible to hit. Extras are like magnets.
The main character will always be able to run safely during semi automatic fire while soon after they take cover, they can take out the semi automatic gun wielders with one single bullet from a pistol.
And also, anything will make bulletproof cover, including flimsy tables and chairs.
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Bad guys have unlimited ammo, period. They have to, since they can't aim worth a damn.
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When staying in an apartment in the US you constantly hear ambulance noises from the street.
Then I moved to the US and found it to be true.
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The bad guys have terrible aim.
Only disposable bad guys and only when shooting at main characters.
Main characters are impossible to hit. Extras are like magnets.
The main character will always be able to run safely during semi automatic fire while soon after they take cover, they can take out the semi automatic gun wielders with one single bullet from a pistol.
And also, anything will make bulletproof cover, including flimsy tables and chairs.
:lol
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While pursuing suspects, police officers will yell "Freeze!" or "Stop or I'll shoot!" at least twice to remind the escaping suspects that they actually have no intention of shooting.
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Kind of in the same vein. I always laughed when Superman thrust out his chest and boldly stood his ground when the bad guy was shooting at him as the bullets bounced off his body, but when the bad guy emptied the chamber and then threw the gun at Superman, he ducked.
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When staying in an apartment in the US you constantly hear ambulance noises from the street.
Then I moved to the US and found it to be true.
Yeah, I didn't believe it until I stayed over at my girlfriend's Boston apartment once. :lol
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Same here, though the fact that I was staying right next to Massachusetts General probably skewed my experience a bit.
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Is it wrong to enjoy the sound of sirens? Obviously someone is hurt/in danger (which is not good) but I always loved the echoey sound effects they make.
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1. No amount of the best military training the galaxy has to offer can help stormtroopers fire straight.
2. The above rule does not apply where stormtroopers are shooting at characters whose names you don't know without having to look them up in the credits.
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Bullets that miss the good/bad guys never cause any damage or hurt anyone.
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A slight weapons malfunction is the best excuse you can make in any scenario, ever.
If Darth Vader is trying to force choke you, follow appropriate protocol (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jdQqjcsfC8).
Wookies don't trim the wookie.
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Bullets that miss the good/bad guys never cause any damage or hurt anyone.
Unless the protagonist's significant other is closeby, in which case:
1. If it is late in the movie, they will be struck, but it will be revealed close to the final credits that it somehow wasn't fatal as everyone had mistakenly thought.
2.a. If it is early in the movie, they will be struck and will surely die, providing the necessary motivation for the protagonist to plan and eventually carry out his or her revenge over the course of the rest of the movie.
2.b. In the event the movie is a romantic comedy, they will be struck and will surely die, providing the necessary motivation for the protagonist to declare he/she will never love again, only to finally be persuaded to finally hook up with the protagonist of the opposite sex because he/she has spent the entire course of the movie persuading him/her that life is worth living.
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the elevator will either shut in just the nick of time.
or the criminal will get their hand in just at the nick of time
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3 year olds have impeccable vocabulary skills.
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Also, it seems that being bashed in the head with a rifle or gun will cause no damage other than being knocked out.
Being unconscious in general is a good one. Shows treat it just as a particularly deep sleep, whereas, like Archer would say, it's super bad for you.
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Protagonists basically have no body fat.
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Protagonists basically have no body fat.
Obviously you're not familiar with Hugo Reyes from LOST.
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On topic... (https://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_173_19-ads-products-that-apparently-exist-in-movies_p19/#1)
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Every Sargent has a bottle of whiskey in his drawer. I've never seen it in real life. I'd have a shot.
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Every romantic relationship follows these steps once the relationship starts.
1. Everything is amazing.
2. Guy messes up.
3. Guy can easily get out of the mess up if he just explains the truth but never does under any circumstance.
4. Girl leaves, lots of montages about missing each other.
6. 6 or so weeks later the guy gets the girl back by making a very intimate speech in front of a crap load of strangers in a situation that he ruins by making said speech.
7. Credits roll.
:clap: :clap:.
You should try to get a job as a Hollywood scriptwriter.
Fat guys are stupid, but funny.
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the cops only arrive after the "hero" has heard the "confession" of the guy holding the gun and after he has single-handedly captured the criminal and all his goons
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If the good guys are looking for something, a book or an artifact or the like, the bad guy will invariably arrive at almost the exact same time.
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You can defeat the bad guy, but only if he's already explained his plan in immense detail, and not before that.
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Hot women can be tough cops.
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bank robbers prefer to wait till an off-duty cop is in the bank making a deposit