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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 01:11:22 PM

Title: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 01:11:22 PM
I've gained about 20 lbs. in the last year and have a massive forehead indicative of middle-stage male pattern baldness. This means not only could I pose for "before" pics in fitness commercials but I could also work the hair restoration circuit. Furthermore, they usually go with fairly attractive folks for the "after" pics anyway so my dee-lish baby blues would likely match the powder blue peepers of whatever better-looking chaps they pair my pics up with pretty closely. Frankly, being blessed with this bevy of Madison Avenue mediocrity, I think I'd be slapping god across the face if I didn't put it all to good use.

What say you, DTF?

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/My%20Pics/020212_ImSexinYouLater.jpg)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: rogerdil on August 20, 2012, 01:27:29 PM
You're "after" in my book, bro.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: MasterShakezula on August 20, 2012, 01:29:25 PM
Blackwater, my man, you are underselling yourself and you know it.   ;)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 01:30:08 PM
You're "after" in my book, bro.

Blackwater, my man, you are underselling yourself and you know it.   ;)

(https://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/12/9/129048850096943958.jpg)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Chino on August 20, 2012, 01:39:03 PM
That pic makes me think of Charlie from Lost
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 01:59:53 PM
Small woodland creatures could get lost in that beard.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 20, 2012, 02:13:47 PM
Dude... quit being a drama queen. :lol

 :)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Dr. DTVT on August 20, 2012, 02:35:27 PM
To become the "before" you have to get fatter than me.

And you don't want to do that until I lose a good bit of weight.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: senecadawg2 on August 20, 2012, 04:59:51 PM
You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 20, 2012, 05:06:51 PM
 :rollin
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: rumborak on August 20, 2012, 05:21:29 PM
The ex-wife of a coworker of mine actually did that, but in reverse. She got pretty fat and sent her two photos to a weight loss program, claiming before was after. Got some nice money because they published that.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: senecadawg2 on August 20, 2012, 05:23:41 PM
Maybe you should just keep gaining weight. If you work hard enough, you might be able to get on to The Biggest Loser  :tup
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 05:23:47 PM
You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model.

(https://totallytwitterpated.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/ducky_candyheart_bemine2_md.png)

The ex-wife of a coworker of mine actually did that, but in reverse. She got pretty fat and sent her two photos to a weight loss program, claiming before was after. Got some nice money because they published that.

Costanza level: 9  :metal :metal
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 05:25:30 PM
Maybe you should just keep gaining weight. If you work hard enough, you might be able to get on to The Biggest Loser  :tup

I live at home at 31 years of age, ain't got a car and get less ass than a piss-covered toilet seat these days. I scoff at the notion of needing to be portly to prove one's elite-level loserdom :yeahright
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Gadough on August 20, 2012, 05:28:17 PM
So, wait...

(https://puu.sh/Xf1b)

(https://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/12/9/129048850096943958.jpg)


...which one is you?
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: senecadawg2 on August 20, 2012, 05:29:32 PM
I think he's the pretty one with all the facial hair...
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Gadough on August 20, 2012, 05:30:17 PM
That doesn't help.

im still confuz
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Adami on August 20, 2012, 05:32:43 PM
I agree actually.




Before.

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/My%20Pics/Hatersgonnahate-Josh.jpg)

After.

(https://nhfalcon.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/viggo_mortensen.jpg)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: senecadawg2 on August 20, 2012, 05:33:31 PM
The only issue is that they look the exact same. It's uncanny
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: rumborak on August 20, 2012, 05:41:20 PM
Only that Before looks like Aragorn at the Verizon store.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 20, 2012, 05:50:55 PM
(https://puu.sh/Xf1b)

(https://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/12/9/129048850096943958.jpg)

(https://puu.sh/USgu)

The only issue is that they look the exact same. It's uncanny

I still gotta give the nod to Viggo since if I knew neither of us and was a goil, I'd probably wanna fuck him more than me.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 20, 2012, 06:20:51 PM
I agree actually.




Before.

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/My%20Pics/Hatersgonnahate-Josh.jpg)

After.

(https://nhfalcon.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/viggo_mortensen.jpg)

Hi there.  I'm Debra.  Let me sit on your lap and we can yak about the first thing that pops up. :drool: :hearts:
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: senecadawg2 on August 20, 2012, 06:36:18 PM
I still gotta give the nod to Viggo since if I knew neither of us and was a goil, I'd probably wanna fuck him more than me.

Debatable.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 20, 2012, 06:37:03 PM
I still gotta give the nod to Viggo since if I knew neither of us and was a goil, I'd probably wanna fuck him more than me.

Debatable.

TRUTH.  Viggo is the bees knees.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: The King in Crimson on August 20, 2012, 06:39:30 PM
Only that Before looks like Aragorn at the Verizon store.
*Insert joke about Strider's data package here*
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 20, 2012, 06:41:23 PM
*Deb leaves thread before she becomes a mere puddle of nothingness*

 :heart

:ontome:
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: rumborak on August 20, 2012, 06:47:48 PM
Only that Before looks like Aragorn at the Verizon store.
*Insert joke about Strider's data package here*

*inserts joke how Aragorn conquered a long shaft with an eye at the top by enlisting an old dude with a long and hard staff*
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Zook on August 21, 2012, 03:19:44 AM
I didn't know CM Punk posted here.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: VioletS16 on August 21, 2012, 11:26:41 AM
Floyd, you should be an eyeshadow model. As long as nobody sees the rest of your face and realizes you are a dude. Because you have really pretty eyes of which I am jealous  :-[
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: DebraKadabra on August 21, 2012, 11:50:22 AM
I didn't know CM Punk posted here.

 :rollin :clap:
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 21, 2012, 02:46:41 PM
Floyd, you should be an eyeshadow model. As long as nobody sees the rest of your face and realizes you are a dude. Because you have really pretty eyes of which I am jealous  :-[

Thanks :blush :)

I'll supply you with a DNA implant pack for my eyes if you do likewise with your awesome hair. I think I could pull off a Johnny Galecki (Big Bang Theory) back in his days as Becky's bf on Roseanne thing with your excellent coif.

(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XP_uPcQSe9c/T-d3CeHtyVI/AAAAAAAAGK0/Yo56JbW6QOk/s1600/tumblr_lnq4l4xPid1qdybqu.jpeg)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: bout to crash on August 26, 2012, 01:21:51 AM
More!
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 26, 2012, 11:32:10 AM
Galecki or me?
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: King Postwhore on August 26, 2012, 12:14:19 PM
Galecki with me?

Jackie and her fantasy answer.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 26, 2012, 03:42:04 PM
(https://www.dreamtheaterforums.org/forumavatars/avatar_1781_1328301939.gif)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: bout to crash on August 26, 2012, 09:12:52 PM
:caffeine: :caffeine:
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 26, 2012, 09:34:46 PM
Well, I doubt I've taken many pics since you went on hiatus anyway but here are some you may not have seen before unless you've combed the pic threads:

From 2009:

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/Dood-1.jpg)

8 combs in beard:

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/Hatersgonnahate-Josh.jpg)

No more beard:

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/My%20Pics/008.jpg)

Obligatory shitty bathroom mirror pic:

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/My%20Pics/IMG_20120507_211516.jpg)

My latest pretty pic of shit I cooked:

(https://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/black_floyd_2007/My%20Pics/009.jpg)

And some Johnny for ya :laugh:

(https://gabbyhooch.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/david_healy.jpg)

(https://i828.photobucket.com/albums/zz204/always_cam/ross2.gif)

(https://www.mainstreetmallonline.com/fanstuff/members/buhhoe2/listings/040512MSMO135.jpg)

(https://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8poijbwsZ1qc34hko1_250.jpg)
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: bout to crash on August 26, 2012, 11:17:49 PM
 :heart

I've seen the comb one for sure and loved it  :lol

And please explain that awesome-looking dish.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 26, 2012, 11:38:35 PM
I was reluctant to go into detail at first because I recall that you're a vegetarian, but I'll just copy/paste my lengthy description from where I originally posted it:

Quote
Today's special at _floyd's Urethral Rape Bistro:

Mussels in a garlic butter sauce over linguine with ciabatta toast points. It tasted excellent but all compliments on this go to the good folks at Bantry Bay (https://addictedtocostco.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/IMG_8817.jpg) for their delicious and dirt cheap mussels. For $3.49 you get a pound of 'em (shells unfortunately count toward the total weight) which ends up being anywhere from 20-30 total mussels. They come in a premade garlic butter sauce and cook from frozen to finished in 9 minutes without even having to preheat the pan or add anything to it whatsoever.

I used to just shell the mussels and put 'em on top of crispy grilled/olive oiled ciabatta bread that was cut into 3/4-inch squares and then pour the sauce on top of that but this time out I made it into a pasta dish. I boiled some linguine to an al dente doneness (slightly chewy) so I could then add it to the sauce that remained in the pan after the mussels were removed for shelling and finish cooking it to the desired tenderness. I just threw it back on medium high heat (8 out of 10) with like an ounce of water added to help steam the sauce's flavor into the linguine under the pan's lid and added some garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper to it.

After it came up to a boil (with stirring every 45-60 seconds), it was done in about two minutes. I then added the de-shelled mussels to the pasta, gave it all a good mixing, and surrounded it with buttered onion poppyseed ciabatta toast points and garnished it all with a generous sprinkling of Italian spice blend.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: bout to crash on August 27, 2012, 06:13:07 PM
Mmm mmmm, bitch!

I'm not a vegetarian, btw :eyebrows:
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 27, 2012, 07:27:27 PM
My sausage is mouth-watering :eyebrows:
























































I use chicken apple gouda sausage and stew it with already-caramelized slivered yellow onions that I then add slivered yellow, orange, red, and green bell peppers to. The peppers are stewed until they're as soft as the onion and both vegetables have absorbed the flavor of each other. After that, the already-browned-in-a-skillet slices of sausage are added and all of that stews together for like 20-30 minutes as I occasionally add chicken stock to deglaze the crispy yummies that have stuck to the skillet's surface.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: bout to crash on August 27, 2012, 09:14:50 PM
oh gawd gimme ya sawsage
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 27, 2012, 09:26:13 PM
 :lol

Definitely been a long enough time since a goil's said that to uncle _floyd.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Fluffy Lothario on August 27, 2012, 09:37:39 PM
(https://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8poijbwsZ1qc34hko1_250.jpg)
Ladies and gentlemen, the nineties.

In the last two years, I've lost about 25kg, then regained about 20 of them. I'm like a living before, then after, then before-again (or is it post-after?) model.
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 27, 2012, 09:42:49 PM
^Puffy Lothario
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: Fluffy Lothario on August 27, 2012, 09:44:14 PM
Pufferfish Lothario
Title: Re: I wanna become a "Before" model
Post by: black_biff_stadler on August 27, 2012, 09:45:07 PM
Puff Daddy Luther Vandross