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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: The Ugliest Unicorn on June 28, 2011, 05:30:55 PM
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So, I work with a guy that is ''madly in love with me'' though he has never said as in much person, due to cowardice, only over I.M. and from telling other friends/work colleagues of mine and them then relaying it to me in private. I'm beginning to get tired of him since he doesn't seem to want to believe I'm not at all attracted to him, even when I've told him straight that nothing will ever happen between us, period (our personalities aren't compatible and I just don't find him physically attractive).
He's constantly bringing me up in conversation to my friends when I'm not around, telling obvious lies about how great I am in bed (as much as a compliment my hypothetical performance with him may be) when he's called out on this since everyone in our social circle knows I wouldn't sleep with him, he immediately backtracks and admits that no, we haven't slept together, but ''he wishes we would'' and that he taken to ''thinking about me when kissing other guys''.
Unfortunately since we work together, and he's a part of my social circle he invites himself to night outs often makes moves on me when he thinks I'm inebriated enough to not deny his incompetent advances. Now I just stand still and glare at him till he stops trying to hold my hand/waist. This puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the evening. When other people make advances on me, and we mess around he'll have a hissy fit and ruin it for everyone else (I know this probably makes the situation worse but I'm not going to turn down a fling just because he's around).
He knows exactly when I'll be around as he copies my shift timetable, hell, he probably knows my schedule better than I do.
So, what should I do? I don't want to leave my job since I'm quite good at it, have made lots of good friends, and telling him we won't ever be in a relationship doesn't appear to have any effect. Help?
P.S. not a copy pasta prank
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Well, I don't guess "I'm gay" is going to do you much good.
I'd say that increasing amounts of sternness up to the point of "yours wouldn't be the first body buried under my house." Failing that, get him fired.
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It sounds like sexual harassment. Report him to your boss for it.
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Well, I don't guess "I'm gay" is going to do you much good.
The opposite might do the trick, but there's no chance I could keep that front up.
...get him fired.
He doesn't get opportunity the to try anything physically while at work since we're in different departments and are kept equally busy. He'll talk about me to other staff but since I don't personally hear it, it probably wouldn't be fair to bring up/classify as sexual harassment. 90% of this happens outside of work.
In hindsight I probably shouldn't have put colleague in the thread title, but I wouldn't classify him as a ''friend.''
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You must be one sexy ugliest unicorn :hat
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How about you come up with the best goddamn username ever? Oh wait, you did, and that's still not working? Huh. Damn.
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You must be one sexy ugliest unicorn :hat
It's the horn. Guys dig the horn.
How about you come up with the best goddamn username ever? Oh wait, you did, and that's still not working? Huh. Damn.
:lol
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I think the guy has issues if he's comfortable with letting his tongue run loose behind your back but can't talk to you in person.
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Well see if you can get in a relationship with someone else (might be hard considering he messes the attempts up) but if you can maybe he'll back off if your in a relationship. It might work.
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Do you have a very intimidating large male friend who can claim offense upon such advances and invoke a fear of retaliation from said friend?
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I think the guy has issues if he's comfortable with letting his tongue run loose behind your back but can't talk to you in person.
It's strange. He acts super confident, constantly making unfunny wisecracks about sex, all the guys he's slept with yadda...yadda but he can't seem to ask me out like a normal person, sure I'd turn him down without even giving it a second thought, I figure he knows this, but I'd appreciate him being candid about this shit rather than trying to awkwardly dirty dance.
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just stick him, brah.
the big nasty has spoken.
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/thread
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Kudos for handling it as well as you do. I would of knocked the guy out by now.
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You'd have to be sneaky about it or you could get arrested
:neverusethis:
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Totally. Can't believe he hasn't (deth)clocked the guy by now.
eh? eh? ehh?
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You better be sneaky about it or you could get arrested
99.9%* of Earth's population doesn't believe I exist. I can be sneaky when I need to be. :neverusethis:
*(.1% is made up of crazy people and furries).
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Well I was directing the joke towards sneakyblueberry
But why am I arguing with a unicorn
Some things will never be answered
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Well I was directing the joke towards sneakyblueberry
But why am I arguing with a unicorn
Some things will never be answered
Oh. I thought we were still on the ''stick him'' course of action (not applicable for moral reasons btw).
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Wait are you a guy? ???
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Wait are you a guy? ???
Ever seen a female unicorn?
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Wait are you a guy? ???
Yuuup.
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..and straight?
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..and straight?
No. I am gay. ...I probably didn't make that as clear as I should have.
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you ever see a gay unicorn?
edit: god damnit
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..and straight?
No. I am gay. ...I probably didn't make that as clear as I should have.
I thought it was pretty clear tbqh. But I guess it's still a controversial/uncommon subject in some places.
you ever see a gay unicorn?
I think that's like every unicorn ever.
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Don't people know that there's a gender icon besides everyone's usernames?
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Don't people know that there's a gender icon besides everyone's usernames?
He probably thought it was a trick.
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Well I'm not gay but I guess it's flattering to have someone who thinks you're the cats ass but just be direct. Just say listen, I'm not into you so please back off before this gets ugly.
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I'm not sure how the situation would be different if he weren't gay and his co-worker was female. Or of he was female. Or if they both were female and had hot lesbian sex all the time.
hmm, hot lesbian sex :staringintodistancesmiley:
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This guy just seems more pushy than most. Most guys will back off if you straight-up say "not interested" (this goes for gay and straight guys). With this guy, I feel like you need to be blunt. This guy is not getting it, and there's no sense in letting this make you feel uncomfortable any longer. Next time he makes a move that crosses the line, just bluntly tell him to knock it off.
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You better be sneaky about it or you could get arrested
99.9%* of Earth's population doesn't believe I exist. I can be sneaky when I need to be. :neverusethis:
*(.1% is made up of crazy people and furries).
that's because while you do exist, unicorns don't.
edit - and you're welcome.
"(not applicable for moral reasons btw)"
is this a foreign language?
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Well I'm not gay but I guess it's flattering to have someone who thinks you're the cats ass but just be direct. Just say listen, I'm not into you so please back off before this gets ugly.
I'm afraid I've done as much,yet he still persists on telling fibs about having had sexual contact with me in various ways. He will admit he's talking bollocks if pressed, but it's still just creepy to think about.
Thanks.
It's been a while since we've gone out together with friends so if he does try anything I'll pull him aside (hopefully he won't get the wrong impression) and restate my position.
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You could tell everyone that he gave you crabs.
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Go to HR, that's what they are for. It's plain sexual harassment, and yes, if it happens outside the work place it still is.
rumborak
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Same thing happened to me with a girl I had no interest in at all (although it doesn't happen with the ones I AM interested in, unfortunately) for four straight years. I had to finally just tell her (more than once) that I was not at all interested in her and blah blah. TBH, I feel kind of like an ass for being so direct about it since we've kind of ignored each other recently, but it's better than having someone annoying/harassing you all the time. Worth it, imo.
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..and straight?
No. I am gay. ...I probably didn't make that as clear as I should have.
It makes heaps more sense now
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Unfortunately, you are probably gonna have to be harsh and really hurt his feelings for him to get the idea, since your not-so subtle hints are obviously not working. It would be understandable to feel bad about it, but by being this persistent and annoying about it, he has put you in a position where you are gonna have to be extremely blunt and honest as to why you have no interest in him (which will come off as harsh, but it is what it is) for him to really get the idea. And don't let him play the "you are so mean" card to you or your friends.
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get him fired.
He doesn't get opportunity the to try anything physically while at work since we're in different departments and are kept equally busy. He'll talk about me to other staff but since I don't personally hear it, it probably wouldn't be fair to bring up/classify as sexual harassment. 90% of this happens outside of work.
In hindsight I probably shouldn't have put colleague in the thread title, but I wouldn't classify him as a ''friend.''
It still certainly qualifies as sexual harassment. However, I wasn't suggesting squealing to HR to get him fired. I was thinking more along the lines of framing him for embezzlement/pilfering or something along those lines.
Of course that approach is not for everybody. Like I said (and others have echoed), you're just going to have to be an asshole about it. It's unfortunate, but it's a situation of his own creation.
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I don't think one has to be an asshole. I think a firm "This has to stop, now. If it doesn't I will have to engage HR in this." sets a very clear message without involving the outside world (yet).
rumborak
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I don't think one has to be an asshole. I think a firm "This has to stop, now. If it doesn't I will have to engage HR in this." sets a very clear message without involving the outside world (yet).
rumborak
I'm with you on this. This is the way to go.
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I don't think one has to be an asshole. I think a firm "This has to stop, now. If it doesn't I will have to engage HR in this." sets a very clear message without involving the outside world (yet).
rumborak
I'm with you on this. This is the way to go.
Agreed. It definitely still qualifies as sexual harassment. Go to HR - or if you feel bad about that warn him that if it doesn't stop you will go to HR. Then it's his choice whether you do or not.
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Got it. Thanks for all your feedback. Much appreciated. :)
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Go to HR, that's what they are for. It's plain sexual harassment, and yes, if it happens outside the work place it still is.
rumborak
XJDenton also said this earlier, and I'm agreeing with both of them. Two things you may want to do: 1) Document the next time it happens. Save the IM's, get screenshots, whathave you. Actually, definately do that. 2) You may want to give him an ultimatum to stop or you're going to HR/boss if you think it will get him to stop, especially if you don't want to out yourself to your company or you think getting him in trouble will strain your other friendships.