WARNING, super long and personal story below:
So I am back to being a member of the lonely hearts club. My gf of 2+ years and 3 years since our first date dumped me last week. It was a total shock and hurt so much.
Lets start by saying I was very unsure about relationships starting this one. I previously had ended an engagement with my college girl and our nine year relationship 5 years ago. I went single for 2 years dating many women and really just thinking I'd probably never find the right one. I ended every single "relationship" with girls I met because I always found a flaw that made me think I couldn't spend the rest of my life with that person so I'd move on. I had met this girl though and after months of dating, there was nothing to complain about. In fact I enjoyed our time so much, I totally stopped talking to any other girls and became hooked on her. I was still really unsure about being in a relationship although I had kind of already committed myself, eventually we talked more about it and agreed to become a couple.
Two awesome years flew by, I don't think we even had our first argument until after a year of dating, we just got along so well. Even then, we just laughed it off in a way. We would discuss it and quickly resolve the issue and think, wow this is how we fight? This is great, we just talk about it upfront and move on. I knew communication was something I was poor with in my past relationship. Thought I had always been so open and honest with her that it would lead to things being great together.
This year comes along and it's her last semester in grad school (and she works a full time job as well) so she is super busy and stressed. My year starts off crazy busy at work and I had to travel for about 3 out of 5 weeks at one point. I was super busy and when I got back from all my travels (I haven't had any trips for a couple months now) I was burnt out. I had little desire to do anything besides just the basic, let's chill. I didn't realize, but I think this played a huge role in her feelings.
Meanwhile, she was super busy so she often wouldn't be able to hang out much but we saw each other at least twice a week but we wouldn't do much, watch tv and go to sleep or whatever. Sex was fine, nothing crazy but it existed so I don't think that played a role here although I do wonder since she was a virgin if maybe it did play a role in her long term thoughts. I know for me, I was satisfied for sure with sex. Anyway, over the course of these few months, she had asked me to like go to a park or go out with her friends once or twice and I had shot these things down, I had not wanted to do anything. She once invited me to dinner at her parents but like dinner was in 10 minutes and I had said nah I'm not ready to go out. I know I was kind of in a depressed burnt out state in general and she seemed to be as well.
Two months ago, my brother notifies me that he is moving out of my house and in with his gf. Good for him, and it's no issue for me although it sucks to lose his rent payments, having my whole house to myself I thought would be nice too, especialyl since when my gf was over and his gf were over, it would be kind of annoying at times. Regardless, this opened the door for my gf to eventually move in. She had brought it up before and my answer then was we will talk more about it once my brother is gone. So knowing this, we eventually had this conversation where I asked her if she would move in eventually, not immediately because I kind of wanted time with the house plus she needed to finish school and hopefully get a new job. So this conversation didn't go well, at all.
I asked her about moving in and out came some things she had been hiding I guess. She said she was contemplating ending the relationship for months and was unhappy. Now, I know we were/are both burnt out but I didn't take that as her unhappy with me or our relationships, we still had a lot of fun together just chilling. So I am just shocked. Her only issue for her unhappiness she says is because I haven't put enough effort into spending time with her friends and family. This is true, no doubt. But she had asked me what, like 2 times over the last 5 months to do anything? It just didn't make much sense, she broke up with me and it was a tough two days.
We talked and agreed this was not what we wanted. It made no sense to me. We had such a perfect relationship and were just about to move forward, something she expressed she wanted before. Well, she said I need to try harder, fine. I do and I will. Betwen then and last week, she had asked me once to go out with her friends. I did, it was fine. Her friends are super cool, I like them a lot, I just struggle sometimes with large groups of people I don't know well. I get a bit socially awkward. Whatever, I kept it cool and the night was fine. Had a few beers and we went home and enjoyed the rest of our night together that night. Come last week, she's acting distant and I ask her whats wrong so she says she needs to come over.
She breaks up with me, right to the point quickly. Says I don't put enough effort and I say, how cna you even say that when you didnt give it time and I did go out the one time she asked. She said I didn't stay out long enough that night?
The night was fine, she didn't complain when we left nor the rest of the night when we chilled at my house. She leaves and we go 5 days wtihout talking. I was realyl struggling dealing wtih this internally but just kept thinking, she's freaking out a bit because school is ending now and things are changing.
I reach out and say I can't take it and this isn't right and we need to try and talk because I am not happy accepting this ending. She comes over and we both pretty much just cry and hold each other and I just lay it all out. Say I love you and she left that night, her last words were that she needed that talk. Next day I don't hear from her at all, but I know the following day is her graduation and her family was throwing a party. I wanted to be there for her and be with her. She had not invited me to be there, I was really upset. I broke and asked her why she hadn't invited me. She said she did want to invite me but I could only go as her friend and we would not be togehter. I couldn't do it. I couldn't agree to just pretend things are OK for her family and friends, I couldn't just be her friend. I didn't think I could go and not cry. I don't know if this was a ploy to make me uncomfortable or because this was her friends and family. If she had just accepted me I would have gone but she broke up with me and I couldn't put myself together.
We haven't spoke since, it's been almost a week now. She went to Europe on vacation with her friend. She needed it for sure and this was something she had wanted to do for a long time, and the only reason I wasn't goign was because those plans dated back before we met so she wanted to do this with her friend. That's fine by me, I was happy she booked her trip. But it kind of just leaves me sitting her wondering wtf just happened. I'm shocked, stunned, saddenned, hurt, and honestly so angry at her now. SHe said maybe when she gets back we could talk, and all my friends and family said she probably needs time, which is fine, I just wihs she could have taken her time without breaking my heart first. Now I am just filling up with rage from her. If she comes back, how can I accept this? I do love her, and I had started feeling like my relationship issues were resolved and I could live a happy life with someone and even get married. I've told her this before too. I was always honest. I just can't accept her excuses for ending something so special and so good and if she were to come back, which I am not thinking she even will, how could I go on?
I'm looking forward for myself at this point, another week of crying myself to sleep isn't going to do me any good. Thanks for reading, if you did, that was really long and not fully thought out but just my rambling and thoughts going through my head.