All I know, is I would take that LaBrie from the photo above, and almost every Petrucci photo here (less the one with the orange streaks, and the pants with the parachute still mistakenly clipped to the side) over today's look.
I put on BTFW on Palladia the other week, and she knows I dig Portnoy, so I told her a little about the band and said "this is his old band...etc. etc." She kind of dug the music (she's mostly country, but likes rock as long as they are singing not screaming or carving up a lung), but looked at me and said "But they look ridiculous. They're the same age as YOU?"
Look, metal is as much a uniform as any other genre, including rap and boy bands. Dark jeans, check. Weird dark t-shirt with the pseudo-tat looking artwork on the front, maybe some flames on the side, check. Black boots, check. Long straggly hair despite the slightly receding hairline, check. Beard, check. I mean, c'mon. And it's not just DT: Richie Kotzen looked ridiculous when I saw him with the Winery Dogs eith the leggings and shorts and stretchy sweater and not stretchy sweater... Give me Billy Sheehan - simple black pants, simple black button down shirt - any day of the week. If you have to make the shirt color, fine. Blue or purple silk, and you're looking good (see: Robert Plant).
Best dressed DT member ever: Derek Sherinian.