I have no idea if they even come on here and check the forums lol, maybe not, but I can still connect to the other fans of this amazing band.
A year and a half ago I fell in love with my best friend. We had such a close friendship for years. We had built trust and true companionship throughout all that time. She fell for me too. It was mutual and the situation felt perfect. But not long after she started to emotionally abuse me. It turns out she was a narcissist and I gave every excuse under the sun to justify her actions towards me. “Oh she’s bipolar”. “Oh she has abandonment issues”. “Oh she has BPD”. “Oh she does so much for me” etc... She always threatened to leave me alone with nobody. She would say “Maria’s not gonna be around forever, so you need to get used to it”. She would mock me any time I showed any emotion. She would leave for days after telling me she’s never gonna come back. Then she’d text me telling me how much she missed me. Then we’d have sex again and feelings of euphoria would come. We’d have a day or two of peace and...everything was perfect. Then it would start again. I couldn’t ever figure it out. The more I dug deeper the more confused I got. I was so tightly bonded to her that I couldn’t leave. And she made me happy just enough to where I didn’t want to. I was so deeply in love with her and I cried myself to sleep multiple times a week. I failed all my classes, dropped out of college, lost my job, etc. She was sucking my soul out. My mind and my heart would go from euphoric thoughts of fantasizing about our future one day...and pure panic and hopelessness the next. It was a true rollercoaster ride. Near the end I even started to thank her for not leaving. Stockholm syndrome. God I was so stupid.
But one thing stayed constant. I always had Dream Theater. Their songs...made things more manageable to me. At a time where I was too afraid to even talk about my feelings, they made me feel...understood. I connected with songs such as Beneath the Surface, Build Me Up Break Me Down, Out of Reach, At Wits End, Fall into the Light, One Last Time, Far From Heaven, and Panic Attack. Sometimes I would just sit and cry. The songs understood me when nobody else really could. Sure, a part of that was me projecting what I feel on to the songs, but in some cases the lyrical similarity to my situation was just...incredibly real.
This girl really messed me up. She’s been gone about six months now. It didn’t end well. There’s so much I still wanna say to her, so many questions I still have. And I still love her, as messed up as it is. But it would have been a lot worse if I didn’t have Dream Theater. I’m honestly tearing up just writing this. You guys helped me so much. And my connection to you guys will never die. Thank you.