Man I’ve been having a rough time these past few weeks. Apparently I have some unresolved trauma from my past that’s coming back.
As a writers assistant for Nick Cannon’s Wild N Out, my girlfriend has to travel for work sometimes. She left for Atlanta for this season on August 24th and she’s coming back on September 24th. I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there. My mind tends to escalate things, and I’ve been on a bit of a spiral since then. She’s never given me any reason not to trust her, but I have severe trust issues from my dad’s infidelity and my parents’ subsequent divorce along with my ex-girlfriend and her repeated cheating throughout our nearly eight year relationship, and my mind is assuming the worst. I can’t bring it up to my girlfriend as it would really hurt her because she’s been nothing but great to me, and I know deep down that I can trust her, but my crippling self-doubt has been destroying me for the past couple of weeks to the point that I’ve been feeling physically ill. I don’t know what to do, and part of me feels like I deserve it.