Demanding g/f's

[King Postwhore]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

Crazy people don't think that they are nuts.  They think everyone else is and is conspiring against them.  The world would be so much better if we could convince crazy people that they are, in fact, bat shit crazy.  Hell, I could be crazy for all I know.

Thia to infinity.  I know a few myself and they twist the truth to fit their agenda.

*glance over to P/R*

yeah.

rumborak

*giggles*

[lateralus88]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

No, bad idea. She might then attempt to make an account and stalk Andy via this online community and make him even more miserable somehow and then he'd be depressed and ask that either she is permabanned or he will take a temporary leave of absence from the forum all together.



I mean it's not like that situation has happened before or anything.

[AcidLameLTE]

Awkward

[rumborak]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

No, bad idea. She might then attempt to make an account and stalk Andy via this online community and make him even more miserable somehow and then he'd be depressed and ask that either she is permabanned or he will take a temporary leave of absence from the forum all together.



I mean it's not like that situation has happened before or anything.

Dude, tell me about it. When I was dating that girl a while back, my right hand opened an account here because it felt neglected. Posted under the name "rumborka" and caused all kinds of trouble.

rumborak

[lateralus88]

 

[King Postwhore]

But boy that right hand knew how to take care of you.  Sometimes it's hard to let go.

[Super Dude]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

Crazy people don't think that they are nuts.  They think everyone else is and is conspiring against them.  The world would be so much better if we could convince crazy people that they are, in fact, bat shit crazy.  Hell, I could be crazy for all I know.

Thia to infinity.  I know a few myself and they twist the truth to fit their agenda.

*glance over to P/R*

yeah.

rumborak

[Sir GuitarCozmo]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

Crazy people don't think that they are nuts.  They think everyone else is and is conspiring against them.  The world would be so much better if we could convince crazy people that they are, in fact, bat shit crazy.  Hell, I could be crazy for all I know.

This to infinity.  I know a few myself and they twist the truth to fit their agenda.

Oh yeah.  My ex was a PCH of the highest order.  She NEVER EVER did anything wrong.  Anything could be explained away as someone else's fault, no matter what it was.  Unbelievable.

[senecadawg2]

  Good Laugh

[Ultimetalhead]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

No, bad idea. She might then attempt to make an account and stalk Andy via this online community and make him even more miserable somehow and then he'd be depressed and ask that either she is permabanned or he will take a temporary leave of absence from the forum all together.



I mean it's not like that situation has happened before or anything.

Or, you know, the next person psychotic enough to go out with her could see this thread and start an account to protect "his lady's honor."

Good thing that hasn't happened yet.

[DebraKadabra]

Andy, I just read through the whole thread and... wow.  She sounds like a REAL piece of work.  Good thing that she finally left your place, but if she happens to do that again, I'd suggest filing a restraining order against her.  Girl sounds like she's completely off of her rocker--to me, she's not a woman because she does not have her head screwed on right when it comes to relating to the opposite gender.  No SANE woman EVER "times" anything affectionate (hugs, kisses, etc)--that's just horseshit right there.

Stay strong, you definitely did the right thing.  You're a nice fellow--you WILL one day meet the lady you've been searching for.

[lateralus88]

I still think she should see this thread..l at least then she'd know that more people other than Andy think she's nuts.

No, bad idea. She might then attempt to make an account and stalk Andy via this online community and make him even more miserable somehow and then he'd be depressed and ask that either she is permabanned or he will take a temporary leave of absence from the forum all together.



I mean it's not like that situation has happened before or anything.

Or, you know, the next person psychotic enough to go out with her could see this thread and start an account to protect "his lady's honor."

Good thing that hasn't happened yet.

Yeah thank god for that.

[AndyDT]

Andy, I just read through the whole thread and... wow.  She sounds like a REAL piece of work.  Good thing that she finally left your place, but if she happens to do that again, I'd suggest filing a restraining order against her.  Girl sounds like she's completely off of her rocker--to me, she's not a woman because she does not have her head screwed on right when it comes to relating to the opposite gender.  No SANE woman EVER "times" anything affectionate (hugs, kisses, etc)--that's just horseshit right there.

Stay strong, you definitely did the right thing.  You're a nice fellow--you WILL one day meet the lady you've been searching for.

I'll have to stay strong as I don't think there's any way back now. I had a message in a meditation that said "are you sure it's you not pushing away people when they get too close?" I couldn't seem to set any limit without her taking offence like wanting to go to bed, wanting some time to prepare for the next day, wanting personal space for a few moments, wanting to go to a class or church. I mean from who i've spoke to or seen you're allowed hobbies and your time and space in a relationship and a marriage?

 I tried to make sure I didn't say anything unkind to her or even break up in an unkind way despite people's advice. It's just hard to understand. I kept thinking she's somebody's daughter with her own hopes, dreams etc but turns into someone who wouldn't listen when I didn't meet her expectations. Only when i said I was leaving she became silent and then begged me when i called the relationship off.

[MykeHavoc]

Andy, I just read through the whole thread and... wow.  She sounds like a REAL piece of work.  Good thing that she finally left your place, but if she happens to do that again, I'd suggest filing a restraining order against her.  Girl sounds like she's completely off of her rocker--to me, she's not a woman because she does not have her head screwed on right when it comes to relating to the opposite gender.  No SANE woman EVER "times" anything affectionate (hugs, kisses, etc)--that's just horseshit right there.

Stay strong, you definitely did the right thing.  You're a nice fellow--you WILL one day meet the lady you've been searching for.

I'll have to stay strong as I don't think there's any way back now. I had a message in a meditation that said "are you sure it's you not pushing away people when they get too close?" I couldn't seem to set any limit without her taking offence like wanting to go to bed, wanting some time to prepare for the next day, wanting personal space for a few moments, wanting to go to a class or church. I mean from who i've spoke to or seen you're allowed hobbies and your time and space in a relationship and a marriage?

 I tried to make sure I didn't say anything unkind to her or even break up in an unkind way despite people's advice. It's just hard to understand. I kept thinking she's somebody's daughter with her own hopes, dreams etc but turns into someone who wouldn't listen when I didn't meet her expectations. Only when i said I was leaving she became silent and then begged me when i called the relationship off.

That's what someone in a desperate situation does: they beg. She's grown so accustomed to bossing you around that the thought of losing that power scares her. She may be somebody's daughter, but it was their responsibility to raise their kid right. Sounds like they failed. You'll be okay, bud. Just give it time.

[Sir GuitarCozmo]

Right.  You are the ONLY person you can count on 100% to have your own happiness in mind.  Never sacrifice your own happiness for someone else's vision of happiness.  Not to say "don't make sacrifices for the one you love", but if you have to be unhappy for the other person to be happy, it's bad news.

[lonestar]

Cozmo is right, as usual.  Your compassion is making you walk a fine line that has you balancing your happiness with hers, and that is something you shouldn't have to bargain with.   Love isn't a commodity, but a state of being.  It is something that should exist between two people like air, it just flows in and out from one to the other, it isn't given and taken.

[Fiery Winds]

Cozmo is right, as usual.  Your compassion is making you walk a fine line that has you balancing your happiness with hers, and that is something you shouldn't have to bargain with.   Love isn't a commodity, but a state of being.  It is something that should exist between two people like air, it just flows in and out from one to the other, it isn't given and taken.

  This man gets it. 

I have to say Andy, this girl could have really taken a toll on you, and you managed to get through it a lot better than others I've known in similar situations.  Being able to stand your ground in adversity is a valuable trait, and I'm sure you'll find a women who appreciates that rather than constantly fights against it.

[AndyDT]

Here's what my ego's saying:

You remember how many sucky Saturday nights we've had that sucked or dates which didn't work out. Well this one did and you ditched it. Even the relationships weren't as good as this. This might only come once in a lifetime.


I'm trying to focus on:
- I aim to continue to find a partner/wife regardless of life situation
- all God expects me to do is try to connect regardless of outcome. That's all I ever have to do.

[El Barto]

Dude, she was fucking nuts.  If you think that your Saturday nights were better hanging out with a basket case,  wait til you find somebody you click with that's actually sane and you'll see how wrong you are right now. 

[Super Dude]

Dude, she was fucking nuts.  If you think that your Saturday nights were better hanging out with a basket case,  wait til you find somebody you click with that's actually sane and you'll see how wrong you are right now.

This. It took me five goddamn years to figure that out, and I'm just glad I decided to snap out of my funk and learn it.

[AndyDT]

Ten years ago I turned my back on my friend and wondered if we'd ever meet. He died and we didn't. Now I have to completely shut this relationship down. If I was with a counsellor they'd bring the issue back to me. With my friend I always thought the issue was with boundaries but I think now it was about wanting to mvoe on to something less destructive.

Here I don't feel most of the limits or needs I expressed were respected.

Anytime I did she'd say: do you want to break up/go back to not being close? What limit could I have set?

Another book I read recommends saying you'll be seeing other people until the issue is resolved or limiting how much you see each other or having a mediator. But if it's a character issue even if you're Christians and supposed to be looking out for other faith-members how realistic is it to expect people to change?

The last straw was three days of criticism for daring to stand up to her for the crime of saying I didn't want to argue about wanting to get to sleep! I tried to convince her after i was trying to be heard and the whole thing was about me /not/ wanting to argue and then she had to try to bully me into submission over the course of the three days.

[lonestar]

It is good that you are aware of what your boundaries are and that you value them, that shows a good sense of self love.  Once you find the right woman, she will respect them and not cross them, and on the rare occasion she does, it will be by your allowance. 

[black_biff_stadler]

Ten years ago I turned my back on my friend and wondered if we'd ever meet. He died and we didn't. Now I have to completely shut this relationship down. If I was with a counsellor they'd bring the issue back to me. With my friend I always thought the issue was with boundaries but I think now it was about wanting to mvoe on to something less destructive.

Here I don't feel most of the limits or needs I expressed were respected.

Anytime I did she'd say: do you want to break up/go back to not being close? What limit could I have set?

Another book I read recommends saying you'll be seeing other people until the issue is resolved or limiting how much you see each other or having a mediator. But if it's a character issue even if you're Christians and supposed to be looking out for other faith-members how realistic is it to expect people to change?

The last straw was three days of criticism for daring to stand up to her for the crime of saying I didn't want to argue about wanting to get to sleep! I tried to convince her after i was trying to be heard and the whole thing was about me /not/ wanting to argue and then she had to try to bully me into submission over the course of the three days.

Hey Andy, it's certainly fine to use literary resources to obtain information you're curious about and even in a matter as subjective and variable from one situation to the next as relationships it's still cool to turn to the writing of others to gain insights and perspective. One thing that concerns me just a tad, however, is that this is maybe the third of fourth time that I've seen you mention a book (forgive me if I miscounted as I'm just going from vague memory) and, like I said while that's totally acceptable, I wonder if you may be letting these books guide your decisions and expectations moreso than your actual wishes pertaining to what will ultimately make you satisfied.

Just remember that anyone can get published and to be very careful about how much you let yourself be influenced by books since on a matter as subjective as relationships, there's virtually no way that any governing body can issue scores or ratings on the legitimacy of the advice given in these books thus making it a very precarious endeavor to be able to successfully apply the advice in a manner that will lead to what you're looking for.

[zerogravityfat]

rumborka was awesome but he was always drunk. bet his drinking ruined his family

[black_biff_stadler]

Ya know, it's a shame that entire families have to be torn apart by something as simple as drinking...or wild dogs.

[King Postwhore]

Andy, you allow to many outside influences to your love life.  You don't need a book, or us to tell you what to do.  You should be able to tell buy your gut about love.  If your uncomfortable about a girl forcing you, that should be a clue.  Your not happy.  If your stomach is in knots because you can't wait to see her, it's a good thing.


Stop over analyzing things and go with your gut.  It's when your happy that you'll know it's right.

[AcidLameLTE]

Every time I see this thread title and it's author, I always laugh because I imagine the OP opening with something along the lines of:

"How do you go about doing this? I've tried shouting at women and I've tried yelling at them but nothing seems to work!"

[black_biff_stadler]

Even raping is a mixed bag.

[Super Dude]

Every time I see this thread title and it's author, I always laugh because I imagine the OP opening with something along the lines of:

"How do you go about doing this? I've tried shouting at women and I've tried yelling at them but nothing seems to work!"

 

[AndyDT]

Andy, you allow to many outside influences to your love life.  You don't need a book, or us to tell you what to do.  You should be able to tell buy your gut about love.  If your uncomfortable about a girl forcing you, that should be a clue.  Your not happy.  If your stomach is in knots because you can't wait to see her, it's a good thing.


Stop over analyzing things and go with your gut.  It's when your happy that you'll know it's right.

I see your point and I';m the one person who can decide that ultimately and as somebody said earlier to be happy. But asking, seeking and knocking are points along the way to that.