Hello Bank,
I am e-mailing on behalf of a Miss Yak Yak. She instructed me to call you, but I am deaf due to a very bizzarre gardening accident which took my life as a strapping young lad. Please know that in order to speak with you, I will require you to use a TextPhone. I am the trustee of Miss Yak, and I am to ask the possibility of transferring these funds to my account in the States. Here is the account information:
The account Number: 00331016648
Swift Code Number: AFT877
Deposit Code Number AT78
Amount: 5.6 million USD
Depositor: Dr.Justin Yak
Next of kin: Miss Joycy Justin Yak
Regards,
William Stroker
Stroker Farms, Fields, and Decorative Bush
(BUMPER)
Hello Miss Yak,
I have e-mailed the bank with happenis in my heart knowing that someday we shall be together on my farm. By the grace of Jesus Chris above, I feel everyone will survive this troublesome time. I thank you for asking about my family, but I had to murder my wife fairly recently because she stole the last piece of my chocolate cake. I have to deal with the guilt every day. I wish I would have just hired a hitman. My 3 children are also well, and they are very much aware that eating my chocolate cake is a bad idea, so I predict that the 5 of us will live in great harmony together.
I must say though your offer to make me my own e-mail account was kind and mildly insulting to my intelligence, I am perfectly happy with the e-mail I have. I can assure you that this e-mail is safe and secure, and nobody else has access to it. I keep very private, personal files on that e-mail account, and if someone had seen what was there, well, let's just say the FBI would be on their way.
I read that you have been in the hospital for some weeks now. It is comforting to me that they offer you the use of computers in hospitals now. I remember when I went there for my gardening accident that caused my deafness, all they did was yell at me. I guarantee if you can complete your studies over here you will be most definitely happy soul. I will fill you in hardcore when you get here. However, before we penetrate that level of our relationship, I would like to inspect the caves. I assume that they may be a little rough, given what you have gone through. I must also ask that we get married very soon, as my lord Jesus frowns upon such sordid acts of sexual congress before we swap saliva in front of the church.
My dear sweet Yak, I pray to Chris that you are still well at this time. Everything will be so much better when you get here. You will fit right in here on this beautiful farm.
Love,
William Stroker
Stroker Farms, Fields, and Decorative Bush