I've been depressed horribly since dec 26th of 2009.
I've been depressed horribly since dec 26th of 2009.
Talk. Explain.
I've been depressed horribly since dec 26th of 2009.
Talk. Explain.
Broke up with my fiance, the only woman I've ever loved.
I've been depressed horribly since dec 26th of 2009.
Talk. Explain.
Broke up with my fiance, the only woman I've ever loved.
Oh shit. I get it now. Bro, I'm really sorry. That's fucked up. You doing anything to try to get you out of this state of mind?
I guess I have a typical case. was bullied from the start of school until around the 10th grade. I fail with women, I'll be 18 in a few months and I've had three girlfriends, total, period. My longest relationship has been three weeks. I'm better at ruining things than fixing, I don't trust anyone, and my family annoys me. I'm a teenager.
I've been suffering with diagnosed anxiety/depression for well over a year now. Not fun, some days are better than others. The best you can do is just try to keep moving forward.
I guess I have a typical case. was bullied from the start of school until around the 10th grade. I fail with women, I'll be 18 in a few months and I've had three girlfriends, total, period. My longest relationship has been three weeks. I'm better at ruining things than fixing, I don't trust anyone, and my family annoys me. I'm a teenager.
They leave me.I guess I have a typical case. was bullied from the start of school until around the 10th grade. I fail with women, I'll be 18 in a few months and I've had three girlfriends, total, period. My longest relationship has been three weeks. I'm better at ruining things than fixing, I don't trust anyone, and my family annoys me. I'm a teenager.
Why are they so short? Who leaves who typically?
Better than falling in love with a girl, having sex with her, finding out she just wanted to have sex with you, then her leaving you.I guess I have a typical case. was bullied from the start of school until around the 10th grade. I fail with women, I'll be 18 in a few months and I've had three girlfriends, total, period. My longest relationship has been three weeks. I'm better at ruining things than fixing, I don't trust anyone, and my family annoys me. I'm a teenager.
Don't worry about it. I am 18 and I've never had a girlfriend.
Never even kissed a girl.
:sadpanda:
Better than falling in love with a girl, having sex with her, finding out she just wanted to have sex with you, then her leaving you.I guess I have a typical case. was bullied from the start of school until around the 10th grade. I fail with women, I'll be 18 in a few months and I've had three girlfriends, total, period. My longest relationship has been three weeks. I'm better at ruining things than fixing, I don't trust anyone, and my family annoys me. I'm a teenager.
Don't worry about it. I am 18 and I've never had a girlfriend.
Never even kissed a girl.
:sadpanda:
Better than falling in love with a girl, having sex with her, finding out she just wanted to have sex with you, then her leaving you.I guess I have a typical case. was bullied from the start of school until around the 10th grade. I fail with women, I'll be 18 in a few months and I've had three girlfriends, total, period. My longest relationship has been three weeks. I'm better at ruining things than fixing, I don't trust anyone, and my family annoys me. I'm a teenager.
Don't worry about it. I am 18 and I've never had a girlfriend.
Never even kissed a girl.
:sadpanda:
I've suffered from depression for the majority of my life and I pretty much kept it completely hidden from everyone I knew or came into contact with until I was 19. I still have it, some times more debilitating than others, but it isn't as crushing as it used to be for me. It's my lot in life, so I try not to complain about it too much; there are things I have done, can do and am doing to try to help. By far the best medicines for it are my friends and family.Pretty much how I feel. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so unhappy, and if it's self inflicted. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being stupid, or a drama king.
Depression (and other disorders and even psychoses) is often linked to an increased creative mind. That doesn't mean non-depressed people aren't creative, but it does somewhat make the link as to why so many great minds suffer from them.
Van Gogh, Nash, Hemingway, Dickinson....
I do write a lot of poems...and I don't think I've ever had anyone just straight up tell me I wrote a bad poem. Like the one in my signature, came up with it randomly today.
I too suffer from depression, for a looong time. What I notice is that people have a misconception about the symptoms. In my case, there is little desire to strive for the joyful things in life, and it is that constant state of mind that creates a persona that I reflect to the world. It's not that I don't want to feel the joys of life, I just have a constant view of myself that I'm not deserving of them, and it is this that propagates itself over all aspects of my personality, whether it be with family, friends, work, or matters of the heart."I'm a worthless piece of shit" depression. That's the worst. Mine mostly stems from an alcoholic father and being bullied. I've been conditioned to believe I'm nothing. Can you think of what started yours? Or is it just completely there for a reason you don't quite understand?
I have been working on it for the better part of twenty years now, and especially the last sixteen since my daughter was born, if only for her benefit. But it is hard to convince yourself that you are a good person worthy of love and attention when for your whole life, deep down inside, you never actually believed it. I have gotten a lot better, but know that I still have a long way to go.
I should note that this forum has helped me tremendously in being able to honestly express my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs freely as I feel them in my mind and heart, and I feel it is a tremendous credit to all of you, the DTF, that you have accepted them openly, freely, and without prejudice. For that, I sincerely thank you.
Thank you btw. :)I do write a lot of poems...and I don't think I've ever had anyone just straight up tell me I wrote a bad poem. Like the one in my signature, came up with it randomly today.
And what a bad-ass poem it is.
Depression doesn't listen to logic. I can be fully aware that what I am thinking and/or feeling is completely irrational and contrary to reality, but am still utterly unable to stop thinking or feeling it. I can argue myself out of it and I can't just change my mind. I think it's that way for most people who suffer from it.
I tend to have hysteria, and paranoia. I don't trust very many people, or in fact, any. Which makes it hard to have a real relationship.Depression doesn't listen to logic. I can be fully aware that what I am thinking and/or feeling is completely irrational and contrary to reality, but am still utterly unable to stop thinking or feeling it. I can argue myself out of it and I can't just change my mind. I think it's that way for most people who suffer from it.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.
People who dont suffer from depression have a hard time understanding this, because it is a difficult concept. Even when you know something isn't true, your brain will keep hounding on it until it eats away at you.I
Depression doesn't listen to logic. I can be fully aware that what I am thinking and/or feeling is completely irrational and contrary to reality, but am still utterly unable to stop thinking or feeling it. I can argue myself out of it and I can't just change my mind. I think it's that way for most people who suffer from it.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.
People who dont suffer from depression have a hard time understanding this, because it is a difficult concept. Even when you know something isn't true, your brain will keep hounding on it until it eats away at you.
I have a habit of judging others unfairly and as such find it incredibly difficult to connect with people.
I've been suffering with diagnosed anxiety/depression for well over a year now. Not fun, some days are better than others. The best you can do is just try to keep moving forward.
I'd suggest trying to find the root of it.
I went through 2 years of really hardcore depression. This forum is one of the few things that helped keep me sane. I never wanted to take medication for it, but 3 months ago I started taking Zoloft. I must admit, it is the best decision I ever made.
I have a habit of judging others unfairly and as such find it incredibly difficult to connect with people.Pretty much this. Going to college and hearing what people talk about, and dealing with stuff like this: https://www.iowastatedaily.com/articles/2010/01/24/news/doc4b5d133d4668f127145726.prt (which I firsthand found) is fucking ironic and sad, considering the education these kids get.
Along with what you're saying, I prefer a much more secluded life so I don't have a facebook. I don't like dealing with all the social crap and I feel that life isn't very private with it.
I went through 2 years of really hardcore depression. This forum is one of the few things that helped keep me sane. I never wanted to take medication for it, but 3 months ago I started taking Zoloft. I must admit, it is the best decision I ever made.
See, I want to at least try antidepressants, but I don't think they would prescribe me any unless I can prove that I really needed them, and while I do mentally, there's nothing in my life at the moment to really prove that I would :-\
I went through 2 years of really hardcore depression. This forum is one of the few things that helped keep me sane. I never wanted to take medication for it, but 3 months ago I started taking Zoloft. I must admit, it is the best decision I ever made.
See, I want to at least try antidepressants, but I don't think they would prescribe me any unless I can prove that I really needed them, and while I do mentally, there's nothing in my life at the moment to really prove that I would :-\
I don't know how true this statement is concerning your situation, but if you told any doctor that you wish death upon yourself, I guarantee you will get meds.
I went through 2 years of really hardcore depression. This forum is one of the few things that helped keep me sane. I never wanted to take medication for it, but 3 months ago I started taking Zoloft. I must admit, it is the best decision I ever made.
See, I want to at least try antidepressants, but I don't think they would prescribe me any unless I can prove that I really needed them, and while I do mentally, there's nothing in my life at the moment to really prove that I would :-\
I don't know how true this statement is concerning your situation, but if you told any doctor that you wish death upon yourself, I guarantee you will get meds.
I've been depressed horribly since dec 26th of 2009.
Talk. Explain.
Broke up with my fiance, the only woman I've ever loved.
I went through 2 years of really hardcore depression. This forum is one of the few things that helped keep me sane. I never wanted to take medication for it, but 3 months ago I started taking Zoloft. I must admit, it is the best decision I ever made.
See, I want to at least try antidepressants, but I don't think they would prescribe me any unless I can prove that I really needed them, and while I do mentally, there's nothing in my life at the moment to really prove that I would :-\
I don't know how true this statement is concerning your situation, but if you told any doctor that you wish death upon yourself, I guarantee you will get meds.
Even if you check yourself into a hospital explaining that, they should instantly do whatever they can to help, which would include meds.
I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
And by the way it's not that creative people are more prone to disorders, it's usually that artistic people are more emotional than non. And too much emotion is called a disorder.....which I disagree with, but oh well.
You would get standard Psychward treatment, suicide watch for 75 hours, meds, etc etc.I went through 2 years of really hardcore depression. This forum is one of the few things that helped keep me sane. I never wanted to take medication for it, but 3 months ago I started taking Zoloft. I must admit, it is the best decision I ever made.
See, I want to at least try antidepressants, but I don't think they would prescribe me any unless I can prove that I really needed them, and while I do mentally, there's nothing in my life at the moment to really prove that I would :-\
I don't know how true this statement is concerning your situation, but if you told any doctor that you wish death upon yourself, I guarantee you will get meds.
Even if you check yourself into a hospital explaining that, they should instantly do whatever they can to help, which would include meds.
I would think this
I hate when you love someone who just wants to ignore you. If you want some simple advice, dump her, and move on. Unless she starts to ship up, get her out of your life. It's the best thing you can do.I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.I hate when you love someone who just wants to ignore you. If you want some simple advice, dump her, and move on. Unless she starts to ship up, get her out of your life. It's the best thing you can do.I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
If one's depression is chemical in nature, then medication can help. A chemical imbalance, most commonly a deficiency of seratonin in synapses, has no bearing on environmental factors, so saying "there isn't anything in my life right now that makes medication worthwhile" is an inherently false assumption.
All that is to say just because your environment isn't depressing, it doesn't mean you can't be depressed, and of course, vice versa.
When was the last time you had an extremely deep conversation?I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.I hate when you love someone who just wants to ignore you. If you want some simple advice, dump her, and move on. Unless she starts to ship up, get her out of your life. It's the best thing you can do.I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
It's a worthwhile shot, even if you try them, hate them and stop them. An avenue of potential help is better than nothing at all. At the very worst, they don't work and you're no worse off.
I think I've revealed more in this thread in a few hours than in a long time posting here. I'm not usually this open.
I spent about four hours with her the night I asked her, she was fine then. She said yes, we hugged each good bye and she hasn't said much since. We've talked a few times since then, but only breifly when we were alone and she kept insisting that I hadn't done anything wrong. Her actions are speaking louder though. I'm gonna try a few more times to get her to talk, maybe it really is the other stuff she's worried about; which is part of the reason I want to take her out and get her mind off stuff. I just don't want to frak it up so bad that we can't go back to being friends.When was the last time you had an extremely deep conversation?I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.I hate when you love someone who just wants to ignore you. If you want some simple advice, dump her, and move on. Unless she starts to ship up, get her out of your life. It's the best thing you can do.I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
My last girlfriend was very closed off emotionally, she didn't like to talk, she didn't like to vent, she didn't like to tell me stuff. I'm the opposite, I HAVE to tell people stuff, and I NEED to know what is going on in there life. So, if you're like me, her being that closed off is killing you on the inside. Try to get her opened up, and if she can't be, then the relationship is going nowhere, and should be ended, before you hurt yourself more.I spent about four hours with her the night I asked her, she was fine then. She said yes, we hugged each good bye and she hasn't said much since. We've talked a few times since then, but only breifly when we were alone and she kept insisting that I hadn't done anything wrong. Her actions are speaking louder though. I'm gonna try a few more times to get her to talk, maybe it really is the other stuff she's worried about; which is part of the reason I want to take her out and get her mind off stuff. I just don't want to frak it up so bad that we can't go back to being friends.When was the last time you had an extremely deep conversation?I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.I hate when you love someone who just wants to ignore you. If you want some simple advice, dump her, and move on. Unless she starts to ship up, get her out of your life. It's the best thing you can do.I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
I know exactly where mine comes from. It is a matter a little too personal for this place, but I do have a support circle for it.I too suffer from depression, for a looong time. What I notice is that people have a misconception about the symptoms. In my case, there is little desire to strive for the joyful things in life, and it is that constant state of mind that creates a persona that I reflect to the world. It's not that I don't want to feel the joys of life, I just have a constant view of myself that I'm not deserving of them, and it is this that propagates itself over all aspects of my personality, whether it be with family, friends, work, or matters of the heart."I'm a worthless piece of shit" depression. That's the worst. Mine mostly stems from an alcoholic father and being bullied. I've been conditioned to believe I'm nothing. Can you think of what started yours? Or is it just completely there for a reason you don't quite understand?
I have been working on it for the better part of twenty years now, and especially the last sixteen since my daughter was born, if only for her benefit. But it is hard to convince yourself that you are a good person worthy of love and attention when for your whole life, deep down inside, you never actually believed it. I have gotten a lot better, but know that I still have a long way to go.
I should note that this forum has helped me tremendously in being able to honestly express my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs freely as I feel them in my mind and heart, and I feel it is a tremendous credit to all of you, the DTF, that you have accepted them openly, freely, and without prejudice. For that, I sincerely thank you.
Yeah, I definately have to ask her questions to get her to talk, but she has a few times, which is good I guess. I actually am usually pretty quiet too, and I think that's part of why I like her, because she'll actully listen to me. I'm hoping that she's not taking it that all I do is complain though.My last girlfriend was very closed off emotionally, she didn't like to talk, she didn't like to vent, she didn't like to tell me stuff. I'm the opposite, I HAVE to tell people stuff, and I NEED to know what is going on in there life. So, if you're like me, her being that closed off is killing you on the inside. Try to get her opened up, and if she can't be, then the relationship is going nowhere, and should be ended, before you hurt yourself more.I spent about four hours with her the night I asked her, she was fine then. She said yes, we hugged each good bye and she hasn't said much since. We've talked a few times since then, but only breifly when we were alone and she kept insisting that I hadn't done anything wrong. Her actions are speaking louder though. I'm gonna try a few more times to get her to talk, maybe it really is the other stuff she's worried about; which is part of the reason I want to take her out and get her mind off stuff. I just don't want to frak it up so bad that we can't go back to being friends.When was the last time you had an extremely deep conversation?I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.I hate when you love someone who just wants to ignore you. If you want some simple advice, dump her, and move on. Unless she starts to ship up, get her out of your life. It's the best thing you can do.I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.I was depressed from about 10th grade through my first year of college. I'm now in my third year and thought it was behind me and I was actually doing pretty well. I didn't date anyone in high school, mostly because I wanted to avoid all that high school dating drama bullshit -- not that I got many offers.Are you still going out with her?
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
A couple people have mentioned Zoloft. I tried Zoloft for a month, but got off it because I noticed that while it made my emotions stable, it made my emotions boring. While I was never depressed, I was never ecstatic. During workouts and running, I would always count on that adhrenaline rush to pull me through, but with Zoloft, that disappeared. Not even prescribed medications help me...The, uh, biggest problem with being depressed is that it tends to become what you're used to, and makes you completely unmotivated. First thing that came to mind when I read your idea, was dread.
Hey, all you guys that are depressed, tomorrow is the first of February. Whaddya say we make a goal to try our hardest to face our problems, just for one month? Failing with girls, being out of shape, being overweight, being lazy, wasting days away, etc. Let's try to change all that we can, and be the best we can be, just for this one month! What say you?
Depression isn't a disease that you "beat". It's a description of how people naturally feel. Some people feel it more so than other people, but at no point should it actually be gone.
But I have a feeling everyone else buys into the whole "only be happy, and if you're not happy, do things that make you happy or take meds". So whatever.
Listen im not going to preach because nobody is happy all the time but I think I can help as depression was something I recently "beat".
I hear a lot in this thread about girls. But the creation of this thread is exactly what is wrong. You need to realize that these girls will not make you happy. Happiness comes from inside, not from someone else. It is a skill you will need to practice. Start by kicking the stupid habit of punishing yourself by thinking of these girls. It isn't easy, no doubt, but take a practical approach and realize that it is not healthy to think about past girlfriends or fiances. I know it sounds like a generalization, but the only thing that is wrong here is that you are sad. If a girl broke your heart it sucks, but then it your fault if you let it continue to be broken.
The only, only thing you can do to shake off the depression is to see that it is a bad habit you need to get rid of. Practice happiness, do not try to find it in someone else or some job, or experience. Do not "hope" for someone or something to come along to fix things. You have all the tools you need.
I'm not afraid to talk about how I feel, I just don't trust other people.Lord knows I feel you. I always felt that is where the good sense of self comes to play. It helps to shield you from the actions of others.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons I have trouble making friends.I'm not afraid to talk about how I feel, I just don't trust other people.Lord knows I feel you. I always felt that is where the good sense of self comes to play. It helps to shield you from the actions of others.
It does get easier, especially about five seconds after you get out of high school(god I fucking hated high school). The rest of the world does mature as you do, and they become more tolerant and forgiving of individual faults. Not saying this is a blanket statement, but it is a good generalization. A little patience goes a long way.Yeah, that's one of the reasons I have trouble making friends.I'm not afraid to talk about how I feel, I just don't trust other people.Lord knows I feel you. I always felt that is where the good sense of self comes to play. It helps to shield you from the actions of others.
I've always been more mature than most my age, no idea why, I just have, which has always frustrated me.It does get easier, especially about five seconds after you get out of high school(god I fucking hated high school). The rest of the world does mature as you do, and they become more tolerant and forgiving of individual faults. Not saying this is a blanket statement, but it is a good generalization. A little patience goes a long way.Yeah, that's one of the reasons I have trouble making friends.I'm not afraid to talk about how I feel, I just don't trust other people.Lord knows I feel you. I always felt that is where the good sense of self comes to play. It helps to shield you from the actions of others.
Cool, arguing on a thread dedicated to depression. Real mature guys.
Cool, arguing on a thread dedicated to depression. Real mature guys.
Hey guys, it's Sunday evening and I'm depressed again. What are your favourite comfort films/songs? Sleepless in Seattle with a bit of John Mayer's Continuum afterwards always soothes me.
The Office always helps me when I'm feeling depressed.
The American version is the one I watch. I never got into the British one, but I heard it's basically a coin toss in which one you prefer. You hate one and love the other (or you hate both).The Office always helps me when I'm feeling depressed.
Which one?
I like listening to Cat Stevens, dredg or Porcupine Tree. There's something about them that seems to hit a nice nerve when I'm in a low spot. I also like the levity of cartoons when I'm depressed. Looney Tunes are almost always a winner in the regard.
Reaper: great minds think alike.
I'm depressed right now, not because I'm wallowing in self pity, but I'm just going through a very tough time right now. The mods know what it's all about, and I would appreciate if they do not elaborate on what it is. It is something I would rather keep private.
It's just very tough because it's such a private matter for both my wife and I, and we have to put on a happy face for our students at school
I won't go to details of my story... Just wanna ask.Yeah, there are times where if it were any other time, it should have worked out, but right then, in either of our lives, it was the worst time it could be.
Do you think there are relationships that aren't meant to be? I mean not like one doesn't like another, but more of atmospheric conditions.
I won't go to details of my story... Just wanna ask.
Do you think there are relationships that aren't meant to be? I mean not like one doesn't like another, but more of atmospheric conditions.
My PlagueThis is one of the Slipknot songs I really like.
It is up there for me, Iowa is my favorite album for sure.My PlagueThis is one of the Slipknot songs I really like.
So I was in my car driving last night, feeling just horrible, and I put on Undertow by PoS and sang it to the point of almost crying.
A rather amazing experience.
I'm joining this thread. :sadpanda:
I'm joining this thread. :sadpanda:
What's wrong?
Not problem is too small.I'm joining this thread. :sadpanda:
What's wrong?
I mentioned a few things in the chat thread, but there's a few other things that are too personal for DTF. (But it's not a big deal, I'll get over it soon) Other people have bigger issues.
Remember, folks, when feeling depressed or even a bit down, DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. It always seems like everyone drowns their sorrows in booze, and that only makes things worse.
It took me a long time to realize this but: don't attempt to compare yourself and where you are in life with someone who has a 15-year headstart on you. There is no feasible way you could expect to have that kind of rank at 25. Not saying you shouldn't feel as you do, just saying that perspective is essential in pulling yourself out of such a rut.
That I understand, and I understand it well.
So I found out my 26 year old ex fiance is now starting to date a 40 year old Phd who develops drugs to help lung transplants, drives a porsche and is the head of his department at wash u. Here I am 25 and unemployed.
damn.
Nut up and do it?And the whole being killed in war part is very literal.
You're not thinking of moving to a third world country and going to war against the US are you?Lol. No. Not THAT literal.
Remember, folks, when feeling depressed or even a bit down, DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. It always seems like everyone drowns their sorrows in booze, and that only makes things worse.
How do you overcome struggling with something you know is true. Something that you know you have to do, but is basically a suicide mission? here is kind of a metaphor:
If you were going to war, starting alone, and you had to find people to fight in your army, except you are in a small 3rd world country with no weapons, fighting against the US. But you know that you have to fight this battle, but are struggling with coming to these terms. How do you overcome this?
No no non o, it isn't the gay thing. Gays are accepted, basically. No, it isn't that. If I told you what it was on here, I fear a lot of people here would hate me and also anybody could be reading these forums so I would rather not say. In PM's, sure. But not public.How do you overcome struggling with something you know is true. Something that you know you have to do, but is basically a suicide mission? here is kind of a metaphor:
If you were going to war, starting alone, and you had to find people to fight in your army, except you are in a small 3rd world country with no weapons, fighting against the US. But you know that you have to fight this battle, but are struggling with coming to these terms. How do you overcome this?
Well, knowing what I know about you, unless you are talking about something different you haven't told us, I don't think anyone is going to kill you. I'm not in your situation, but I think things will get a lot better for you in college (assuming you go). It might even be worth trying to contact a group at a university and someone may be willing to give you the advice you can't get from traditional sources. Of course, if I'm making wrong assumptions, just tell us what's eating you so we don't have to guess. Your being vague makes me think you want us to be vague as well.
Starting a gay army is no way to solve your problems.It isn't gays...
So, took a pretty legit test on a site my psychology teacher uses a lot, and it said I'm clinically depressed. Always kinda assumed so, but eh. I answered the questions as truthful as I possibly could, and it came out with the result I kinda dreaded. The only questions I have are, should I talk to my parents about it? And, should I seek real medical help?Well, DMoS, in my opinion you should probably talk to your parents, but seeking medical attention is optional. Oh, also, you should stop talking to yourself, you crazy bastard you.
So, took a pretty legit test on a site my psychology teacher uses a lot, and it said I'm clinically depressed. Always kinda assumed so, but eh. I answered the questions as truthful as I possibly could, and it came out with the result I kinda dreaded. The only questions I have are, should I talk to my parents about it? And, should I seek real medical help?I would say you should maybe think about going to a therapist. They are the only ones who can really tell. A test can't tell you for sure.
Well, I trust my self diagnosis of agreeing with the test. For two reasons:So, took a pretty legit test on a site my psychology teacher uses a lot, and it said I'm clinically depressed. Always kinda assumed so, but eh. I answered the questions as truthful as I possibly could, and it came out with the result I kinda dreaded. The only questions I have are, should I talk to my parents about it? And, should I seek real medical help?I would say you should maybe think about going to a therapist. They are the only ones who can really tell. A test can't tell you for sure.
Still, a surgeon can't do a heart transplant on himself.Well, I trust my self diagnosis of agreeing with the test. For two reasons:So, took a pretty legit test on a site my psychology teacher uses a lot, and it said I'm clinically depressed. Always kinda assumed so, but eh. I answered the questions as truthful as I possibly could, and it came out with the result I kinda dreaded. The only questions I have are, should I talk to my parents about it? And, should I seek real medical help?I would say you should maybe think about going to a therapist. They are the only ones who can really tell. A test can't tell you for sure.
1. I understand myself better than anyone else can
2. I have an A in psychology.
That's so comparing apples to oranges.
So I tell that girl I was talking about earlier in the thread on Monday "I wanna tell you something, come talk if you can." I left out the "I want to ask you out Friday night" part.
"Alright I'll try." So Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing.
This morning I see her again, in class. She sits in front of me. So her friend beside her introduces her to this guy beside her. Not sure who he is. They smile at one another. Great, I think. He walks up to her after class, "So what are you doing now?" It was like a freaking dream. "Sorry, gotta go to class," she says. OK, maybe she didn't like him. She walks down the hall to her friend (as I try to keep up with her) "So, I just met someone," she says and smiles. I want to slit my wrists at this point.
Finally I catch up to her, "Are you gonna be busy at 3? Stop by and see me." "I'm doing something with my friend here, but I'll try." Alright, finally. Go to class, distracted by thinking about what I'm gonna say to her. Completely frak over a quiz in Physics.
Sitting, waiting for her, nothing. I text her: "Stop by, I wanna talk to you." She's got class in the one room at 3:30, I had to go to that building anyway, so I hang around. Nothing. She sends me a text: "My boyfriend came home from college, I'm not on campus. Sorry. E-mail me."
Well, HOLY FUCK! Lost has nothing on my life. Talk about disbelief. Now she's gotten a boyfriend in the two weeks that she's avoided me enough that I didn't have a chance to ask her out. Asked her about lunch tomorrow, I still want to talk to her, but I guess the Friday night movie just got cancelled. :'( I know I should just say, screw it, and move on, but just wow.
So, took a pretty legit test on a site my psychology teacher uses a lot, and it said I'm clinically depressed. Always kinda assumed so, but eh. I answered the questions as truthful as I possibly could, and it came out with the result I kinda dreaded. The only questions I have are, should I talk to my parents about it? And, should I seek real medical help?
Yeah, site was by PhD's.So, took a pretty legit test on a site my psychology teacher uses a lot, and it said I'm clinically depressed. Always kinda assumed so, but eh. I answered the questions as truthful as I possibly could, and it came out with the result I kinda dreaded. The only questions I have are, should I talk to my parents about it? And, should I seek real medical help?
I would talk to your parents about it, or maybe your close friends, and see if they agree. If so, maybe medical help is an idea if you feel you need it. Was this site definitely reliable?
I'm not fully convinced she was never into me. I wouldn't have asked at all if I thought she wasn't. I wanted to tell her everything than give her a hug and then it's all up to her. She had a legit reason why she didn't have time to talk today, but she'll barely even look at me. She asked me to e-mail her, so that's what I'm gonna do. One last chance, holding nothing back. It's gonna be weird, but I'm going to tell her everything. I have no clue how she's gonna react, but I will honestly be surprised if it's positively. Really all I want to know is why? One month ago she was possibly the nicest person that I knew, now....So I tell that girl I was talking about earlier in the thread on Monday "I wanna tell you something, come talk if you can." I left out the "I want to ask you out Friday night" part.
"Alright I'll try." So Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing.
This morning I see her again, in class. She sits in front of me. So her friend beside her introduces her to this guy beside her. Not sure who he is. They smile at one another. Great, I think. He walks up to her after class, "So what are you doing now?" It was like a freaking dream. "Sorry, gotta go to class," she says. OK, maybe she didn't like him. She walks down the hall to her friend (as I try to keep up with her) "So, I just met someone," she says and smiles. I want to slit my wrists at this point.
Finally I catch up to her, "Are you gonna be busy at 3? Stop by and see me." "I'm doing something with my friend here, but I'll try." Alright, finally. Go to class, distracted by thinking about what I'm gonna say to her. Completely frak over a quiz in Physics.
Sitting, waiting for her, nothing. I text her: "Stop by, I wanna talk to you." She's got class in the one room at 3:30, I had to go to that building anyway, so I hang around. Nothing. She sends me a text: "My boyfriend came home from college, I'm not on campus. Sorry. E-mail me."
Well, HOLY FUCK! Lost has nothing on my life. Talk about disbelief. Now she's gotten a boyfriend in the two weeks that she's avoided me enough that I didn't have a chance to ask her out. Asked her about lunch tomorrow, I still want to talk to her, but I guess the Friday night movie just got cancelled. :'( I know I should just say, screw it, and move on, but just wow.
OK...
The fact that you told her you wanted to see her/ask her something and she didn't make the effort for you tells me that she had a pretty good idea of what was on your mind and went out of her way to avoid you. Because if she was into you, I guarantee she would have made the time for you...especially if she thought you were going to ask her out (which, trust me...she did).
And don't hate on the new boyfriend...she wasn't into you anyway...or else she wouldn't have gone out of her way to get involved with someone else (and make sure to tell you about it) unless she was trying to dissuade you from asking her out.
At least rest easy knowing this: If you had asked her flat out when you'd originally wanted to, she would have said no. At least this way you can still look her in the face and pretend everything's cool and you don't have to worry about awkwardness in class for the rest of the semester.
Sorry to be blunt, but I've been the girl in this situation before. It kind of sucks knowing one of your friends is about to "cross the line" and make everything awkward...and I can pretty much assure you that she wasn't doing it to be a bitch...in fact, it's probably her way of gently telling you not to ruin your friendship.
So i've been feeling some feelings of what i assumed were depression/anxiety for about 2 years. My older brother also deals with these problems and has been diagnosed for them and now takes medication for them. And recently i got fed up with feeling really down every once in awhile so i told my parents, and then i went to the doctor. After talking to the doctor he prescribed me with a medication to start off with, but it most likely won't have any effect for 4-6 weeks. But now i feel better about myself, knowing that something is actually wrong with me makes me feel feel comforted almost, because now i know i just wasn't something i made up to feel sorry for myself. Anyone who is keeping this sort of thing inside of them would do well to consider passing the torch to another person(s), because only then will you get the help you need to help you bettter about yourself, your life and everything in it.
rawwrrrrr
Actually, I am in both corners right now. It seemed like the doctor didn't really go deep into questioning. I told him what and how i feel, and he kind of just jumped immediately to these meds. Now, if they work, then the man is a genius. But i was expecting maybe a little more research into my behavioral patterns and what not, so i can be sure that what he'"diagnosed" be with is correct. The other specialist i am supposed to start seeing will probably uncover more stuff for this, and get the "undercover story" so maybe i can find the right solution to the problem. Maybe the meds are a long term solution, maybe they are a short term one. Really, the only way to find out is by experimentation, so it can't really hurt the situation.
So basically the past month with my ex was great, we were really making progress and just recently as of this past Saturday she tells me she doesn't want to get any more serious and wants to just hang out. I wouldn't mind moving slow but she just wants me to take her out and treat her as a girlfriend while she wants to continue dating this other guy, basically I though things were over between her and him, but I guess not. It's a lot more complex but this is the short story. Just needed to vent. I gave it a second chance and for a few weeks it was great but something happened on her end, time to cut contact again and this time for good.
Anyone who is keeping this sort of thing inside of them would do well to consider passing the torch to another person(s), because only then will you get the help you need to help you bettter about yourself, your life and everything in it.
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
Isn't this against some kind of "guy" code? I mean, it happened to me, and seems to happen a lot. Shouldn't this be punishable by a good beating or something?
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
If that is your best friend, you need a new one. A friend does not do that, much less a supposed best friend.
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
If that is your best friend, you need a new one. A friend does not do that, much less a supposed best friend.
Agreed. I had to pretend like I was alright with it and everything. I almost lost my shit on him when he told me
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
If that is your best friend, you need a new one. A friend does not do that, much less a supposed best friend.
Agreed. I had to pretend like I was alright with it and everything. I almost lost my shit on him when he told me
You could just be a jackass and randomly ask him intimate questions about her.
"Did she finally get rid of that gagging problem, or was is just the size of me that caused that?"
"Did she take care of that foul "smell" yet?
Ya know, stuff like that. Given your ages, that sounds about right. :biggrin: :biggrin: :lol :lol
My entire world got fucking gutted tonight. I don't know how to think, feel, or be. God, I...I can't think straight. I'm so fucking confused. Life makes absolutely no sense right now, and, things just got...fucking weird. Very rarely do I not know how to put something in to words, but today, I have met that thing. All I want to do is fucking cry, but I can't even cry. God, this is the worst feeling I've ever had...period. I wish I knew, goddamnit, I wish I fucking knew. I'm, numb. The only thing I know, is that I don't know fucking anything.
hang in there bud
Why the hell are straight guys so freaked out by being hit on gays? Are we freaked out by being hit on women we're not attracted to? Jesus.
Soooo me and my girlfriend broke up (this was a few weeks ago), it was a mutual thing since it just kinda wasn't working out, but apparently my best friend thought it was a good idea to ask her out a few days later! Now they're dating. Awesome amiright? :neverusethis:
So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.
I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.
I spent about four hours with her the night I asked her, she was fine then. She said yes, we hugged each good bye and she hasn't said much since. We've talked a few times since then, but only breifly when we were alone and she kept insisting that I hadn't done anything wrong. Her actions are speaking louder though. I'm gonna try a few more times to get her to talk, maybe it really is the other stuff she's worried about; which is part of the reason I want to take her out and get her mind off stuff. I just don't want to frak it up so bad that we can't go back to being friends.
Yeah, I definately have to ask her questions to get her to talk, but she has a few times, which is good I guess. I actually am usually pretty quiet too, and I think that's part of why I like her, because she'll actully listen to me. I'm hoping that she's not taking it that all I do is complain though.
o I tell that girl I was talking about earlier in the thread on Monday "I wanna tell you something, come talk if you can." I left out the "I want to ask you out Friday night" part.
"Alright I'll try." So Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing.
This morning I see her again, in class. She sits in front of me. So her friend beside her introduces her to this guy beside her. Not sure who he is. They smile at one another. Great, I think. He walks up to her after class, "So what are you doing now?" It was like a freaking dream. "Sorry, gotta go to class," she says. OK, maybe she didn't like him. She walks down the hall to her friend (as I try to keep up with her) "So, I just met someone," she says and smiles. I want to slit my wrists at this point.
Finally I catch up to her, "Are you gonna be busy at 3? Stop by and see me." "I'm doing something with my friend here, but I'll try." Alright, finally. Go to class, distracted by thinking about what I'm gonna say to her. Completely frak over a quiz in Physics.
Sitting, waiting for her, nothing. I text her: "Stop by, I wanna talk to you." She's got class in the one room at 3:30, I had to go to that building anyway, so I hang around. Nothing. She sends me a text: "My boyfriend came home from college, I'm not on campus. Sorry. E-mail me."
Well, HOLY FUCK! Lost has nothing on my life. Talk about disbelief. Now she's gotten a boyfriend in the two weeks that she's avoided me enough that I didn't have a chance to ask her out. Asked her about lunch tomorrow, I still want to talk to her, but I guess the Friday night movie just got cancelled. I know I should just say, screw it, and move on, but just wow.
Let it out, kiddo.I did, I felt better afterwards.
Hey man, hang in there. You are experiencing very conflicting feelings right now. On one hand, you are feeling protective of a family member you love, a very natural feeling. On the other hand, the guilt and shame you have kept bottled up inside you over the past has just been released in an instant(I have a very similar childhood background, and I know very well the shame it builds on you). These two emotions are very conflicting, and being as young as you are, it is probably very difficult two deal with both at the same time. My primary advice is to be there for your cousin during her healing process. She will need your support in ways you can't imagine in the coming months. The guilt and shame you hold over your past isn't going anywhere, I know this well, for I still feel mine, 25 years after the fact. You have a lifetime to deal with it, and it does get better over time, trust me. Right now, channel your anger and frustration into helping your cousin, that in itself will hold it's own healing benefits for you. I will be signing off in a while, and won't be back till tomorrow afternoon, but feel free, please, to PM me with any questions or concerns you have. Once again, hang in there bud.I wont bother you with asking for details, or anything. Yeah, that's pretty much what I was thinking, and I think, what would help the best is if we actually talked about it, to gain closure. Neither of us hate eachother, but, I don't know if she feels anything bad towards me because of it, or if it would help her too. BUT, I'm going to wait for a time when she is recovered.
I'm sorry, DMoS, I don't have any advice to help you deal with all that stuff. It's not really an area I know much about.Cheered me up, haha. Thanks Phantasmatron. And, after 10 hours of sleep I feel more relaxed, and less confused. I think I'll be okay. And as for my course of action, I put that in the reply above. :p
But I would like to say that you're a cool poster, I like you, I feel terrible for you right now, and I really wish you the best in coming to terms with everything that's happened.hang in there bud
I'm just too bummed to read this thread right now...
My problems pale in comparison to you guys'Any problem is equally a problem.
Goddamn I hate putting faith into something and then realizing that all you're doing is taking a step forward while taking 2 steps back.
I like the way you think.
Still here. Still depressed. My life is so messed up right now, I have random panic attacks, or anxiety attacks, I don't know what they are, all the time. I start to hypoventalate (sp) and my heart pounds heavy and I feel like I can't breathe and everything is dizzy and I just want to hurt things. I don't like them. Therapy isn't helping much, since my therapists asks me questions, but doesn't give me any answers. He is the only one getting information about me, I am not getting information about me.
Sigh..
Sweet, I am feeling majorly depressed.
It's a dreary day today. My girlfriend told me last night that she had a grandmother that passed away three years ago that she was very close to, and today would've been her grandmother's birthday. It's affecting her pretty strongly. In addition, my best friend's girlfriend just found out last night that one of her closest guy friends from back home was killed in a car crash.
I'm not super depressed like I was a few weeks ago, but man do I feel lonely. It is so hard to find a gay guy in this school. I know its my senior year and I can wait, but I dunno... I just feel REALLY lonely.Just show some patience till you get out of high school. Things do become more open after.
I don't feel that great.*smacks upside the head*
All I've ever wanted to do is write music and sing and whatever, but I just feel so bad about myself that I feel like I wont ever amount to anything. Today I even just screwed around and recorded noises and posted that in the creative works subforum. It feels like I'll never write a song again.
I just think I would feel better if I had something to make me feel better about.
That actually made me feel a bit better. Thank you. :):tup
I'm not super depressed like I was a few weeks ago, but man do I feel lonely. It is so hard to find a gay guy in this school. I know its my senior year and I can wait, but I dunno... I just feel REALLY lonely.
I don't feel that great.
All I've ever wanted to do is write music and sing and whatever, but I just feel so bad about myself that I feel like I wont ever amount to anything. Today I even just screwed around and recorded noises and posted that in the creative works subforum. It feels like I'll never write a song again.
I just think I would feel better if I had something to make me feel better about.
Sweet, I am feeling majorly depressed.
What's up?
I don't feel that great.ALL OF THIS. You would think that with all of this depression, I would have a lot to write about but I can't write at all. I'm so depressive that I can't even write because I can't describe how I'm feeling. Maybe I'm just not a good writer.
All I've ever wanted to do is write music and sing and whatever, but I just feel so bad about myself that I feel like I wont ever amount to anything. Today I even just screwed around and recorded noises and posted that in the creative works subforum. It feels like I'll never write a song again.
I just think I would feel better if I had something to make me feel better about.
I am feeling general loneliness. I'm trying not to vent to my IRL friends because it seems awkward. You guys are my friends as well, but a bit of anonymity and online community lets me vent easier, ya know?
Like, all of a sudden a lot of my friends are dating, and I feel abandoned. It's not their fault; we are all busy anyways with school, work, church, and stuff, but seeing them have something I'd also like to have. . .it just puts crap into perspective and can get me down.
I need to learn to be more optimistic and not focus on stuff like that. I know that already. I just break down every once in a while. I'll get my own girl one day again, I have faith in God for that.
Not really that bad of a situation objectively, but my guitar exam grade 6 snuck up on me, and is in 2 weeks. I know little theory and have never taken a music exam before, and I can't imagine how embarassing it will be if I fail. Which I might. :-\
No sorry I worded it badly, I'm doing a Grade 6 exam. Maybe they use a different system here in the UK or something?
We do care. :heartThank you for caring. I am glad to see people care. :) Yes a lot happened. A LOT. I go to therapy and talk to my friends. Still doesn't help with my depression though.
I noticed that around Nov, you kinda fell of the face of DTF, and have been just recently posting on a more regular basis. Did something happen that you should talk about with someone. I mean here, or in your world, but to someone.
Since I've gotten healthier and other things in life have come around, I've had an easier time dealing with my depression. It's still there in the back of my mind, like a shadow I can't really outrun, but when things are going better in my life it's easier to keep at bay. Winter is always very difficult for me (this past year being absolutely NO exception), but the arrival of spring sometimes serves to raise my spirits a bit.
About the grades: I know it's really stupid. It's what I tell myself all the time. But always getting the best grade has become an obsession for me and I can't seem to get rid of it. A week ago I went to a psychologist to get rid of this problem, and we're meeting next week again, and so I hope tthat I will get better.
About the band: Becoming a member of that band was a dream coming true for me. That dream was recently just ripped out of my hands. It hurts, I feel abandoned, and it's not making it any better that the band is so successful now. I've promised not to be a bitch about it anymore, but it makes me sad nevertheless, and I have to spend time with the band members every day, they're my friends. I guess I'll get over it, but right now it just hurts too much.
My boyfriend has part in all this... I always feel he overachieves me. Watching him get a better grade than me or getting cheered at on a scene while I'm just in the audience makes me really jealous, and then I feel guilty for feeling jealous and get mad at myself. I hate that.
There are too many things in my life that make me feel bad. That's the problem. Constantly thinking about solving those things doesn't make me feel any better, either.
But thanks for your kind words.
Let me tell you my side of the story and I hope it helps somebody out thereThere could be a lot of differences between your story and others' though. You tried to commit suicide for attention, when with some people that is far from what they want. They just don't want to live anymore. I'm not saying one is better than the other, or that either is good at all, but some people may find it hard to relate to that story.
One saturday night a long time ago my mum and dad were at home and then dad's brother came over.
They were as happy as kids in a playground.
For some strange weird reason I felt horrible inside and on the outside.
I thought well there is only one way to get attention.
So I thought I would o'd on something.
I went straight to the medicine cabinet and got the 1st thing that was in my hands at the time.
It was asprin
So I thought I would o'd on them
So I took a few and then nothing happened.
I tried to committ suicide by taking asprin
It did not work
But you know what?
I am fucking alive and happy to be alive. Have the best friends and family in the world.
And I love being me and alive and well
Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.
Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.
Oh, and now the reason I dug up this thread: I have had a really fucking terrible week. My brother was harassing me through email (as mentioned in another thread) and it really fucked with my head. I am still feeling the effects... and then on top of that, my boyfriend told me last night that he has to do one more semester of school so he will be staying in Jersey instead of moving out here with me. That really just broke my heart.
I don't know how long you've already been long distance but a semester isn't that much more even though it's not ideal. It'll make your reunion all the more better :)
Having gone through two long distance relationships, they are very hard to work with.
What helps is to have a date where the long distance ends. If you just go in the relationship with no end date things usually get messy. I do however wish you the best!
Out of curiosity where were you thinking of going after graduation?
My short attention span problem is getting worse, I dunno why and it's depressing the hell out of me.
I have some paper work to do in my job and it's all numbers, yesterday I spent 3 hours doing some calculations that are usually takes 15 minutes tops, I'm depressed cause I felt pity for myself for it.
I'm fucking sick of people cancelling plans with me at the last fucking second >:( >:( >:( :sadpanda: :sadpanda: :sadpanda: :sadpanda: :'( :'( :'( :'(
Why does it seem like every time I have a nice night planned with friends, all usually goes to shit because said friends decide at the last minute that they don't want to go at all? (Rhetorical question, obviously.)
I think it just seems that way sometimes.
I've found that sometimes my expectations are too high though when it comes to things going as planned. Things never go as planned and I need to not get upset about that so much. It's life. That said, it still sucks to get bailed on by flaky people. I try to avoid those people.
I'm fucking sick of people cancelling plans with me at the last fucking second >:( >:( >:( :sadpanda: :sadpanda: :sadpanda: :sadpanda: :'( :'( :'( :'(
Yeah, I hate that as well. Sadly, the more you're looking forward to something planned, the more likely it is that it won't happen... :-\
Ever since I moved to Aberdeen, I've struggled to make friends. Not because I'm difficult to get on with or something but because I'm so shy that I never bother to go out, even when I'm invited because I don't know enough people going or something stupid like that and because of that, less and less people are inviting me to do things. First year of university was the fucking worst. I had even less friends than I did now. The only people I could hang out with was my flat mates in the student accomodation and a couple of people from my course.Dude, just... go out! Chat to people. You're a pleasant, funny guy. Go to a party, get a couple of drinks down you, and join in a little. If you've got even one mate there, ask them to introduce you to people - get the ball rolling. You won't be their best friends immediately, but you can add them on facebook, say hi to them in the hallways; the works.
This is seriously depressing considering how many friends I had in Stornoway and how I pretty much had an oppertunity to hang out with people whenever.
Due to my lack of going out and making friends, I've found it very difficult to find any sort of relationship while I've been here as well.
Life sucks, big time. Sure, I've got a very good work placement, I've got a lot of money coming in, I'm doing well in university, I've got lots of possessions etc. but it doesn't make me happy.
[/rant]
Yeah, that must be terrible to watch. I'm all about empowerment and taking control of a situation, but in those situations you have to, as they say, accept the things you can't change. I mean, you can still try to encourage her to go the healthy route but ultimately she makes her own decisions and you can't have the responsibility resting on your shoulders. Do what you can for her and be with her in the moment, but you're not obligated to be with her all the time.
Cheers Hyperplex and sonatafanica.Yeah, that must be terrible to watch. I'm all about empowerment and taking control of a situation, but in those situations you have to, as they say, accept the things you can't change. I mean, you can still try to encourage her to go the healthy route but ultimately she makes her own decisions and you can't have the responsibility resting on your shoulders. Do what you can for her and be with her in the moment, but you're not obligated to be with her all the time.
Yeah I'm just backing away a bit now. I'm expecting the worst to happen at some point in the not too distant future, if it all goes wrong I know I can look back and believe I really tried my best but ultimately it's all about taking personal responsibility for your own actions so I'm there for her, but I'm not gonna ruin my own life trying to change things I can't affect. I have the best friends in the world for support and music to rely on so it's not as bad as it could be :)
Thanks. I'll try.Ever since I moved to Aberdeen, I've struggled to make friends. Not because I'm difficult to get on with or something but because I'm so shy that I never bother to go out, even when I'm invited because I don't know enough people going or something stupid like that and because of that, less and less people are inviting me to do things. First year of university was the fucking worst. I had even less friends than I did now. The only people I could hang out with was my flat mates in the student accomodation and a couple of people from my course.Dude, just... go out! Chat to people. You're a pleasant, funny guy. Go to a party, get a couple of drinks down you, and join in a little. If you've got even one mate there, ask them to introduce you to people - get the ball rolling. You won't be their best friends immediately, but you can add them on facebook, say hi to them in the hallways; the works.
This is seriously depressing considering how many friends I had in Stornoway and how I pretty much had an oppertunity to hang out with people whenever.
Due to my lack of going out and making friends, I've found it very difficult to find any sort of relationship while I've been here as well.
Life sucks, big time. Sure, I've got a very good work placement, I've got a lot of money coming in, I'm doing well in university, I've got lots of possessions etc. but it doesn't make me happy.
[/rant]
I've got a couple of housemates who don't do anything. I'm not sure how many friends they actually have outside of the house. I've never seen them leave the house except to go into town, or to go to lectures. They just sit indoors, watching horror films. I have no idea how - I'm almost too far the other way, I'm the one going a little too wild and sleeping in till two, missing half the lectures in the process. I have no idea how they're content to not know anyone, but they seem to be happy, and so that's fine. But if you're getting a bit wistful, then there's no reason you should think you're not able to find a few chums. Because you are.
Also, everyone's shy. Especially here in Britain. I'm always abluster with words and thoughts and silly jokes but I know that I'm awful at small talk. I always think I'm being tedious and patronising. "So, uni eh? Finished all your lectures? Ah that's pretty cool. Nice to finish your lectures." Blah blah blah blah BLAH! Awful rubbish. But if I told someone I was shy, they'd shower me in phlegm telling me not to be a c*nt. Everyone's riddled with insecurities, but most other people won't even notice you've got anything to be insecure about. Even if they do think "oh, he's not a natural," nobody's gonna go "what a HIDEOUS BASTARD he is for being shy." So don't worry about it! Very few people are lording it over as some kind of arbiter of social taste - by and large, the other person is just as likely also thinking "Oh I hope I'm coming across right." We're all wired the same. Just go outside and have a good laugh!
And AcidRain, you've now scared me that I won't have any friends when I go to uni. But Robwebster's right; go out and have some fun, us Aberdonians are a friendly bunch. :)I'm sure you'll be fine. I'm just too set in my islander ways :P
I've been feeling a bit low recently, not because there's anything wrong with me personally but because one of my friends is going through a really tough time and I'm the only one she feels she can talk to about it. I really want to be there for her but it's hard because her life is falling to pieces and there's nothing she can do about it. It just sucks 'cos I'm usually really good at listening to people's problems and giving advice, but in this situation I just don't know what to do or say to make her feel better.I hate that feeling :(
I've been feeling a bit low recently, not because there's anything wrong with me personally but because one of my friends is going through a really tough time and I'm the only one she feels she can talk to about it. I really want to be there for her but it's hard because her life is falling to pieces and there's nothing she can do about it. It just sucks 'cos I'm usually really good at listening to people's problems and giving advice, but in this situation I just don't know what to do or say to make her feel better.I hate that feeling :(
Yay Moving Pictures was my first Rush album :laugh::hat
I dated a girl for about a year and we were extremely close, almost as if we were one. Here thoughts were mine, and mine hers. I felt I met my soul mate, the person who knows every single thing about me and I loved her like nothing else.Wow dude. That's absolutely tragic (I hope that doesn't come off as me being sarcastic because I'm not).
I would call her and just leave the phone there, her breathing alone soothed me. She confided that she knew I was the one she will spend her life with.
Fast forward to earlier last year. She and I had a fight because she wanted to take the next step, me proposing. But we were only together for a year, I thought it was a bit reckless. She then gave me the "if you truly love me you would" which was complete BS. The fight escalated (our only real big fight ever, mind you). She had to leave on a trip to Vegas for a week. So I was home thinking about it, and I decided it was the right thing to do. We were perfect for each other, we never fight big (except that one time) and we hate being apart, why prolong it? So I dished out $6,000 and bought a gorgeous ring. It had this Celtic design engraved on it with nice, but not bombastic, diamond in laid.
I sent her a text "babe, im sorry for making you angry. I promise everything will be ok when you return. Have fun and your ass better not come back broke!"
A few days later I picked her up from the airport. We took a cab a few blocks from her place and decided to walk the way. She stopped me and said all of a sudden "i slept with someone". I froze, my heart began to ache. Tears instantly from my eyes. I asked her why and she said "i dont know, but I need you to forgive me. It was a mistake"
I pulled out the ring, showed her. She gasped. I threw it down the sewer and walked away.
I nearly took my life that night. Good thing I had my friends around.
That was the worse night of my life and god I hope no one ever has to go through that.
So cheers to my fellow depressed. Life does get better! Bite the moment and keep looking forward to the bright days!
:metal
I dated a girl for about a year and we were extremely close, almost as if we were one. Here thoughts were mine, and mine hers. I felt I met my soul mate, the person who knows every single thing about me and I loved her like nothing else. I stopped watching porn even. When I thought about sex, it was always her, always! My fantasies were always with her. It was pathetic almost....
I would call her and just leave the phone there, her breathing alone soothed me. She confided that she knew I was the one she will spend her life with.
Fast forward to earlier last year. She and I had a fight because she wanted to take the next step, me proposing. But we were only together for a year, I thought it was a bit reckless. She then gave me the "if you truly love me you would" which was complete BS. The fight escalated (our only real big fight ever, mind you). She had to leave on a trip to Vegas for a week. So I was home thinking about it, and I decided it was the right thing to do. We were perfect for each other, we never fight big (except that one time) and we hate being apart, why prolong it? So I dished out $6,000 and bought a gorgeous ring. It had this Celtic design engraved on it with nice, but not bombastic, diamond in laid.
I sent her a text "babe, im sorry for making you angry. I promise everything will be ok when you return. Have fun and your ass better not come back broke!"
A few days later I picked her up from the airport. We took a cab a few blocks from her place and decided to walk the way. She stopped me and said all of a sudden "i slept with someone". I froze, my heart began to ache. Tears instantly from my eyes. I asked her why and she said "i dont know, but I need you to forgive me. It was a mistake"
I pulled out the ring, showed her. She gasped. I threw it down the sewer and walked away.
I nearly took my life that night. Good thing I had my friends around.
That was the worse night of my life and god I hope no one ever has to go through that.
So cheers to my fellow depressed. Life does get better! Bite the moment and keep looking forward to the bright days!
:metal
Hey everyone :sadpanda:
Hey everyone :sadpanda:Did you remember Iain Wilson is still alive too? :sadpanda:
Well think about it, what's really outside? Birds? Fuck birds. Weather is shit most of the time, other people generally suck, etc. Inside is really where it's at.What? I thought you hadn't moved to the UK yet...
Well think about it, what's really outside? Birds? Fuck birds. Weather is shit most of the time, other people generally suck, etc. Inside is really where it's at.What? I thought you hadn't moved to the UK yet...
You're just jealous.
I guess I belong in this thread rather often. Way too often for my taste, and I feel it's reflected in my forum posting a bit too much.
Couple? Who said Ian and I were a couple? Who ever told you this is lying...ahem...You're just jealous.
Bah! Like I'd be jealous of a couple of Iains! Ok maybe a little jealous.
I guess I belong in this thread rather often. Way too often for my taste, and I feel it's reflected in my forum posting a bit too much.You can play Pokemon with us too :)
I dated a girl for about a year and we were extremely close, almost as if we were one. Here thoughts were mine, and mine hers. I felt I met my soul mate, the person who knows every single thing about me and I loved her like nothing else. I stopped watching porn even. When I thought about sex, it was always her, always! My fantasies were always with her. It was pathetic almost....
I would call her and just leave the phone there, her breathing alone soothed me. She confided that she knew I was the one she will spend her life with.
Fast forward to earlier last year. She and I had a fight because she wanted to take the next step, me proposing. But we were only together for a year, I thought it was a bit reckless. She then gave me the "if you truly love me you would" which was complete BS. The fight escalated (our only real big fight ever, mind you). She had to leave on a trip to Vegas for a week. So I was home thinking about it, and I decided it was the right thing to do. We were perfect for each other, we never fight big (except that one time) and we hate being apart, why prolong it? So I dished out $6,000 and bought a gorgeous ring. It had this Celtic design engraved on it with nice, but not bombastic, diamond in laid.
I sent her a text "babe, im sorry for making you angry. I promise everything will be ok when you return. Have fun and your ass better not come back broke!"
A few days later I picked her up from the airport. We took a cab a few blocks from her place and decided to walk the way. She stopped me and said all of a sudden "i slept with someone". I froze, my heart began to ache. Tears instantly from my eyes. I asked her why and she said "i dont know, but I need you to forgive me. It was a mistake"
I pulled out the ring, showed her. She gasped. I threw it down the sewer and walked away.
I nearly took my life that night. Good thing I had my friends around.
That was the worse night of my life and god I hope no one ever has to go through that.
So cheers to my fellow depressed. Life does get better! Bite the moment and keep looking forward to the bright days!
:metal
Couple? Who said Ian and I were a couple? Who ever told you this is lying...ahem...
I am spending the last 20 minutes of my Friday night on DTF. No offence everyone, but that's not the 16 year old dream. :-\Meh, I'd rather spend the night on DTF than go into town, get completely hammered and wake up in a hotel room with some random guy. My friends and I are growing apart. :millahhhh
Couple? Who said Ian and I were a couple? Who ever told you this is lying...ahem...
Meh, I'd rather spend the night on DTF than go into town, get completely hammered and wake up in a hotel room with some random guy. My friends and I are growing apart. :millahhhh
Everything Sigz said in this post is connected. Everything.Couple? Who said Ian and I were a couple? Who ever told you this is lying...ahem...
HARRY YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONEMeh, I'd rather spend the night on DTF than go into town, get completely hammered and wake up in a hotel room with some random guy. My friends and I are growing apart. :millahhhh
Usually there's a much lower risk of contracting an STD from DTF when compared to a night of drunken partying.
Usually.
I can't be the only 16 year old who listens to Tool and thinks I'm the only one who 'gets' them, surely? Hopefully.
I can't be the only 16 year old who listens to Tool and thinks I'm the only one who 'gets' them, surely? Hopefully.
You're not.
Stop being so pretentious then. Or.... keep being that way and start a Pain of Salvation tribute band.
So she never even told you why? That's a real mindfuck
So I got my grades today and got my first C of college. It was in a Physics class that had a horrible teacher. My major is communications and I was editor of the newspaper, which will gave me WAAAY more experience and knowledge in the field I’ll be in (obviously newspapers’ll be dead at some point, but the writing is important) than Physics ever will.
Anyway, my mom gets all pissed off that I went from the “President’s List to a C” in a tone as if I’m a failure at life. I have a fucking 3.82 GPA. I got one C and 2 Bs (the C and one of the Bs were from the same teacher) in five semesters of college and she’s pissed off at me.
Now, I know that I didn’t spend every waking moment studying the concepts of Physics and how hypothetical wooden blocks react to gravity when going down a frictionless ramp (the class’s lack of any connection to real life pissed me off as well), I’ll admit that. Maybe I’m in denial, but I don’t think I could have gotten a B.
My mom says I need to stop blaming the teacher, that I need to “spend less time on Twitter” (like she knows what she’s talking about) and that I can’t participate in the newspaper next semester (I’m going to a new school, so not sure how that would’ve worked out anyway). I don’t really care about the newspaper, but I’m going to keep writing regardless.
I’m angrier that I didn’t learn one thing about Physics than getting a C. Not that I’m not mad about the grade, but I know that a C in a subject that I’ll never use again doesn’t mean all that much in life.
One of my teachers, a good one who I know really well, asked me a few weeks ago if my parents were proud. I said yes, but it’s not feeling like it today.
ugh. mind aswell post..Sounds like you'll be better off in the long run. Good thing you took some time and didn't like marry her right away. Would've been a lot worse to get out of.
so my girlfriend and i of more then 2 and a half years just broke up.. i actually ended it.. i thought i did the right thing tho. i mean i lost the feelings for her.. i thought it was just that temporary thing that comes back? like theres a week were your like i dont want anyhting to do with you. nope. 2 months later. here i am still. so i ended it.
i moved out to oklahoma from new jersey for this broad. left everything that i loved and was close to me. only to find out that 6 months down here id have nothing around me that i loved..
i didnt want to drag her around putting on this mask, pretending i liked her, didnt want to keep getting her hopes up more..
even tho i ended it, and did it because i thought it was right. i feel terrible, but somewhat relieved.
now comes the part of saving up and moving back home...
I dated a girl for about a year and we were extremely close, almost as if we were one. Here thoughts were mine, and mine hers. I felt I met my soul mate, the person who knows every single thing about me and I loved her like nothing else. I stopped watching porn even. When I thought about sex, it was always her, always! My fantasies were always with her. It was pathetic almost....
I would call her and just leave the phone there, her breathing alone soothed me. She confided that she knew I was the one she will spend her life with.
Fast forward to earlier last year. She and I had a fight because she wanted to take the next step, me proposing. But we were only together for a year, I thought it was a bit reckless. She then gave me the "if you truly love me you would" which was complete BS. The fight escalated (our only real big fight ever, mind you). She had to leave on a trip to Vegas for a week. So I was home thinking about it, and I decided it was the right thing to do. We were perfect for each other, we never fight big (except that one time) and we hate being apart, why prolong it? So I dished out $6,000 and bought a gorgeous ring. It had this Celtic design engraved on it with nice, but not bombastic, diamond in laid.
I sent her a text "babe, im sorry for making you angry. I promise everything will be ok when you return. Have fun and your ass better not come back broke!"
A few days later I picked her up from the airport. We took a cab a few blocks from her place and decided to walk the way. She stopped me and said all of a sudden "i slept with someone". I froze, my heart began to ache. Tears instantly from my eyes. I asked her why and she said "i dont know, but I need you to forgive me. It was a mistake"
I pulled out the ring, showed her. She gasped. I threw it down the sewer and walked away.
I nearly took my life that night. Good thing I had my friends around.
That was the worse night of my life and god I hope no one ever has to go through that.
So cheers to my fellow depressed. Life does get better! Bite the moment and keep looking forward to the bright days!
:metal
Sex about twice a week would be the cure for me. Everything else in my life is pretty good. The one thing I'm missing seems to be the hardest to get. What does a guy have to do these days to get a little lovin'? :(
Sex about twice a week would be the cure for me. Everything else in my life is pretty good. The one thing I'm missing seems to be the hardest to get. What does a guy have to do these days to get a little lovin'? :(
Start trying to pick up some ladies, if all else fails then you're right where you are now. I had some casual sex going with a girl last semester.
Yep :|
I'm not as upset as I was before (yay for venting) but it's so fucking frustrating... and it's true, I know she loves me but I feel like when it comes to certain things she really doesn't give a shit and that really hurts.
Hey guys.
cheer up everyone!!
Hey, he's trying to be nice, cut him some slack.
Alright, dude, listen. Sigz might be right about your advice not being malicious, but look at it from a (seriously) depressed person's point of view who might have gotten this kind of advice over and over again (without these words being helpful, of course). Due to the lack of understanding, of willingness to help and of empathy towards the situation (and advice like that is usually driven by it), a depressed person would see some kind of malice in statements like this, even if it wasn't intentional.
If you read this thread, you will come across situations that aren't just the usual "temporary downs" and "angst-filled points of view", situations that can't be helped with a simple "Cheer up" or a "Stay positive". And that is were your advice becomes simply unrealistic and comes across as a generic "all-purpose remedy", which it definitely isn't. Your intentions might have been genuine, but the desired effect will most definitely not occur.
:lolpalm:
...that's amazing that you guys are doing that for him. I hope everything works out :)Agreed, your actions are something to be very un-depressed about.
If I had one goal in life, it'd be to have someone remember me when I'm gone. Some legacy. Narcissistic, I know, but I don't want everything to be for nothing in the long run. Suicide gets you no legacy past your close relatives and a small mention in the newspaper.Yeah, but at least there's no more pain. I try so hard not to feel anything anymore that it keeps escalating to bigger and bigger things to numb myself.
My goal as a teenager is to be as happy as possible, so maybe in 50 years when I look back and say to myself, "Did I live a happy life?" I'll be able to reply, "Yes. A lot of shit happened in my life, but I ultimately had a happier life than most people out there."The problem with me is that I can't look back at happy thoughts and be happy and optimistic. I look back at happy thoughts longing to re-experience them. Longing for things to be the way they used to be. the thought that I will never be the same as I was back then depresses me. I think of how naive I used to be. How stupidly happy I was. Now although I might have a little more life-experience, what was the cost? My happiness.
Whenever I experience depression, my cure is a change of thought. I say to myself, "This is just temporary. My life isn't shit. Remember the good times. I had more happy times than times like this." Because I know, I know that when I'm out of depression, my life will be full of joy again and I won't remember much about my bad times.
I feel weird while typing this. I am a pessimist when I'm in my mood, and an optimist when I feel shitty.
I'd love for blissful ignorance like back when I was younger and didn't have to worry about the things I have no choice but to worry about now. I'm sure a lot of people do. That doesn't mean that there won't be better times in the future though if you give it a chance.
Ever since I was little I've had trust issues with just about nearly everyone I meet. Even with my closest friends, I can't seem to shake feelings that they might actually dislike me. Every few years I seem to hang around with a different circle of friends because I eventually just detach myself from the old ones. It gets so bad that I begin to feel resentment towards those closest to me. I am always suspicious that they might be talking about me behind my back, or that they just keep me around for monetary reasons. I am up at 2am because I can't go to bed because I can't shake these feelings of distrust. It drives me fucking crazy because I know I'm being irrational, but I still am so emotionally effected.
I really need to get out of whatever this is. The entire 18th year of my life was practically wasted from being depressed all the time. These are supposed to be fun times, but they are reaaaly not. I hate that I don't have many friends. I hate that people are mean to me. I hate to know that I'm creative and funny and it comes from feeling like this.
But nothing will change until I make it change.
I've been really depressed lately. I think the majority of it stems from three factors: my perception of the friendships in my life, the behavior of two of my coworkers and the fact that my parents' divorce is to become final tomorrow.
I've been really depressed lately. I think the majority of it stems from three factors: my perception of the friendships in my life, the behavior of two of my coworkers and the fact that my parents' divorce is to become final tomorrow.
Goddam, exams finished two days ago and I should be over the moon but I'm already depressed as I see how little of a social life I have compared to other sixteen year olds, and how I know only a handful of girls outside of school, none of whom are possible girlfriends. The summer when you're 16 is meant to be about parties and girls, but mine is not.I have no social life either other than at school mostly because I don't live near any of my friends. Although this year I am making more of an effort and asking people to hang out.
Goddam, exams finished two days ago and I should be over the moon but I'm already depressed as I see how little of a social life I have compared to other sixteen year olds, and how I know only a handful of girls outside of school, none of whom are possible girlfriends. The summer when you're 16 is meant to be about parties and girls, but mine is not.I have no social life either other than at school mostly because I don't live near any of my friends. Although this year I am making more of an effort and asking people to hang out.
Here's something to actually get down about: the gradual realization that the US could turn into a failed state in the next 20 or so years is a very real possibility.
Governemental meltdowns aside, I am feeling so low and lonely.
Governemental meltdowns aside, I am feeling so low and lonely.
Come on over, we can lonely together and feel each other.
....or something.
Ever since I was little I've had trust issues with just about nearly everyone I meet. Even with my closest friends, I can't seem to shake feelings that they might actually dislike me. Every few years I seem to hang around with a different circle of friends because I eventually just detach myself from the old ones. It gets so bad that I begin to feel resentment towards those closest to me. I am always suspicious that they might be talking about me behind my back, or that they just keep me around for monetary reasons. I am up at 2am because I can't go to bed because I can't shake these feelings of distrust. It drives me fucking crazy because I know I'm being irrational, but I still am so emotionally effected.I can fully understand this. I often can't help but feel that everyone I've ever had as a friend actually dislikes me to some extent. And I generally maintain a close friendship with very few people for longer than a year to two years. I just get the impression most people want nothing to do with me anymore after that long. The funny thing is, people tell me it's nonsense, and before I know it, another person I considered myself close friends with makes endless excuses when I try to arrange to meet up, or never seems free to talk on the phone, and I eventually just have to bite the bullet that another good friend has chosen to cut me out.
No, but james will taste his own pooper, if you get my meaning.
Ever since I was little I've had trust issues with just about nearly everyone I meet. Even with my closest friends, I can't seem to shake feelings that they might actually dislike me. Every few years I seem to hang around with a different circle of friends because I eventually just detach myself from the old ones. It gets so bad that I begin to feel resentment towards those closest to me. I am always suspicious that they might be talking about me behind my back, or that they just keep me around for monetary reasons. I am up at 2am because I can't go to bed because I can't shake these feelings of distrust. It drives me fucking crazy because I know I'm being irrational, but I still am so emotionally effected.I can fully understand this. I often can't help but feel that everyone I've ever had as a friend actually dislikes me to some extent. And I generally maintain a close friendship with very few people for longer than a year to two years. I just get the impression most people want nothing to do with me anymore after that long. The funny thing is, people tell me it's nonsense, and before I know it, another person I considered myself close friends with makes endless excuses when I try to arrange to meet up, or never seems free to talk on the phone, and I eventually just have to bite the bullet that another good friend has chosen to cut me out.
You can't make a career out of pleasing your girlfriend or raising a family.Stay-at-home Dad.
Never run into this thread before, but I guess I'll share, for what it's worth. I am diagnosed bi-polar, have been for about 4 years now, though I have actually been dealing with it for much longer than that. I haven't read all 14 pages of this thread, so I don't know if anyone else also deals with this specific disorder. Basically, you cycle between stages of depression and mania (mine usually last about 6 months or so). The depression side I'm sure others are familiar with. As far as mania goes, essentially it's an uncontrolled euphoria in which you go kind of crazy (not sleeping, doing stuff you normally would never do, etc.). Anyway, it just occurred to me that we probably don't need my primer on a DT forum since we have Six Degrees at our disposal.
But I have been on medication for the past 4 years, which has helped immensely, along with therapy meetings with a counselor. I am not by any means "cured," nor do I believe I ever will be. I still cycle through the same stages but normally they are much less intense (due to the meds), and I have learned to deal with them much better.
It's cool to see a thread like this, though, because, unfortunately, there is still far too great a stigma surrounding mental illnesses/disorders. I know I don't talk about it much IRL.
That's kinda the problem; I haven't found anything yet that I get absolutely stoked about. I'm not a passionate person like that, except with like "real life" things, I guess is what I'd call them: family, friends, girlfriend, etc. You can't make a career out of pleasing your girlfriend or raising a family.
So what do you do when you like a girl, but the feeling isn't exactly mutual, but she says she likes being your friend, but doesn't always seem to act that way, and her boyfriend is a douchebag and you don't want her to get hurt, but any time she's feeling down and you try to comfort her she doesn't seem to like it, but she'll never come out and say that, nor will she tell you to stop, so you think that maybe there's still a shred of a chance that deep down she knows she likes you and won't admit it for some reason, which drives you absolutely in-bleeping-sane, but all you want is for her to be happy so it's difficult to say nothing when she looks sad, and you just feel like you're stuck in this phase that will never end, but you feel so strongly you want to hold her close and keep her safe, although every once in a while you just want to punch her square in that beautiful fucking face?
So what do you do when you like a girl, but the feeling isn't exactly mutual, but she says she likes being your friend, but doesn't always seem to act that way, and her boyfriend is a douchebag and you don't want her to get hurt, but any time she's feeling down and you try to comfort her she doesn't seem to like it, but she'll never come out and say that, nor will she tell you to stop, so you think that maybe there's still a shred of a chance that deep down she knows she likes you and won't admit it for some reason, which drives you absolutely in-bleeping-sane, but all you want is for her to be happy so it's difficult to say nothing when she looks sad, and you just feel like you're stuck in this phase that will never end, but you feel so strongly you want to hold her close and keep her safe, although every once in a while you just want to punch her square in that beautiful fucking face?
I am at a pivotal moment in my life and I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. My dad says that I pretty much have to figure out now what I want to do with the rest of my life, but so far all I've done is hit a bunch of dead ends.
One of my biggest problem is my perception that I am a burden to everyone with whom I interact. It is a feeling that I have with just about everyone and it really hampers me mentally and emotionally. Feeling this way hinders every social relationship I have in some way. I can logically argue with myself that it's true when someone tells me I'm not a burden, I cannot stop feeling like I still am. It has damaged several friendships of mine and is a pervasive problem.I know how that feels, and it never stops no matter how much you contribute to the relationship, and you'll never try to call someone and hang out because their time is more important than yours... I'm doing that right now actually, ha.
On a regular basis, I don't feel I'm worthy of the time my friends spend on me.
Longest sentence ever, though I have no advice to offer.Go read the book Austerlitz by W.G. Sebald and get back to us. It has a sentence that runs for something like twelve pages. Extremely good book too, if you're into history, psychology, architecture, travelling... the list goes on.
than that Katy Perry's snapped up.
I heard she kissed a girl, I wonder if he'll mind it.
I heard she kissed a girl, I wonder if he'll mind it.I sure hope not.
Katy Perry is getting married, and my dreams are shattered :(
Katy Perry is getting married, and my dreams are shattered :(
I understand, I was crushed when Stacy Dupree got engaged.
Katy Perry is getting married, and my dreams are shattered :(
I understand, I was crushed when Stacy Dupree got engaged.
Ahhh.... not nearly as hot though, in my oppinion :-\
Katy Perry is getting married, and my dreams are shattered :(
I understand, I was crushed when Stacy Dupree got engaged.
Ahhh.... not nearly as hot though, in my oppinion :-\
DON'T TALK ABOUT HER THAT WAY I LOVE HER
For those who currently think life is empty of pointless, just remember that you have the power to change it. Its YOUR life.
Seriously, what happened to life? It's like it's not worth going on for. Fuck life.I feel this way a decent bit. I just try to find the things that are worth going on for. It might be my son, my wife, perhaps God. Sometimes even smaller things, like looking forward to some music or posting here on DTF. Because of my history with depression, sometimes still seemingly small things make me feel like it's all pointless and worthless, that I'll never amount to anything. Sometimes you just gotta hold on to whatever you can hold on to. That may not be in the Bible, but perhaps it should be.
Exactly. Often times people think to "change their lives" involves moving to another place, changing job, changing diet or buying new stuff. Now imagine how much EXTRA-ENERGY you would put to change all those things...and imagine what could happen if you put all that EXTRA-ENERGY into maybe getting better at the job, rebonding with the family, and most of all, meeting new people.For those who currently think life is empty of pointless, just remember that you have the power to change it. Its YOUR life.
Very true.
Often times, just getting up and walking outside and getting some fresh air and sunshine can help.
Or go for a long ride, just for the hell of it, with the windows down, and crank up your favorite CD.
Or go to the gym and work out your frustrations.
Or do anything that makes you happy.
Let's face it, no matter how happy any of us are or aren't, we all have things that make us happy.
Those are wise words. :) :) :)
Seriously, what happened to life? It's like it's not worth going on for. Fuck life.
You don't annoy me. :heartYeah! :heart
Global warming is legit gonna kill us. :sadpanda:Like bollocks it is.
I hate myself sometimes
@Rafael Guerra: I don't feel I can ultimately change my life, and the way I see myself, because I think the energy and power you describe which is required to do it is beyond me.Not really.
I think it's a bit much on the part of people who are relatively happy with their lives, or already accustomed to positive thinking, to assume everyone does possess that required energy or strength to bring about the change they need. Not everyone is born equal; some people are physically weaker than others, and some people are mentally weaker; hell, some people are both. Some people could fight all they like to improve their lot, and alter how they see the world and themselves, but they're simply incapable of it, the same way some people couldn't run a marathon if they had to.
People who are already in a place where they can preach positive thinking can talk all they like; the fact is, they're already there. Either they've always been there, or they DID have the strength to fight their way there, shown by the very fact that they once weren't there, and now are.
Thus far, I have no reason to believe that everyone, and specifically that I, have the strength to exact a significant degree of change for the better on my (or their) own life. That may just be the weight of my own pessimistic thinking bearing down on me, but if that is so, it's somewhat overwhelming at the moment, as you can see.
James,
Believe it or not, that's one of the good parts of life.
When you have to corner yourself and ask what you're going to do next or how you get out of it, that's when you really start to make a real person out of yourself. There are so many people who are just complete flakes because they never take the time to stare themselves in the eyes and make something happen.
You decide what sort of person you are, and that's all you ever really have.
If you say so. We'll see in the next 40 years.Keep in mind that those 40 years will see a ridiculous amount of technological advancement.
I'm still in a funk and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with people. I have to deal with people I don't want to deal with a lot, and the people I want to deal with are never there (busy).I know the feeling! Or rather, I have known the feeling. But, the people are out there. You called us friends, earlier. Flattering, but it's not a massive coincidence that a bunch of people who you can get on with have flocked to this site. Truth is, they're not especially rare. There are a craptonne of good people knocking about. Pleasant people attract pleasant people and nobs attract nobs. And there are plenty of both. It may not immediately be clear who's who, but just go out a bit. Attend parties when you can find 'em. Find people who you genuinely like and hang out with them a bit. The power to find good people is in your hands. Use it! Abuse it! They might not like the same music, or they might not like the same films, but just keep at it. You're a good bloke. Likable, fun, authentically witty. Good people will gravitate to you. Even if you feel like you're pissing into the wind now and then, they will.
I have more to say, don't know how to say it.
If you say so. We'll see in the next 40 years.Keep in mind that those 40 years will see a ridiculous amount of technological advancement.
Even if global warming were a legitimate threat, the rate technology will've accelerated by then, we'll have come up with something to keep the greenhouse gases' levels down. Efficient electric cars. Reliable renewable energy sources. I'm not saying "great, let's guzzle petroleum and set fire to refridgerators," because adding to a problem is adding to a problem, and it's moronic no matter which way you slice it, but I honestly think you're totally underestimating the human race, and whenever I see all these people harping on about these doomsday scenarios and saying how we're all gonna die the first thing I notice is that they've thoroughly forgotten that humanity has a knack for living. We're excellent at surviving.
If anything's gonna kill us, it'll be ourselves - and it'll be via weaponry, not driving down the shops.
Even in the worst case scenario: It's 2050, and the sea is up to our ankles, it's 35 degrees celsius and there's a new type of mosquito which eats everybody's faces off and then slashes your tyres. Do you really think everyone's just going to be going "right, well I guess this is our fate" and then we'll just sit there with bugs munching on our heads? God no. We'll have been preparing for years. Spent milions on defences and antidotes and fantastic science. We'll be sitting there with personal fans and factor 200 sunscreen, soaking up the rays.
Global warming isn't a nice thing, but it's far from the worst problem humanity's faced. Fuck, it's far from the worst problem the coelacanth's faced. If an ugly fish can survive, I think we've got a fair shot.
In fact, even if it does end up that we all find ourselves six feet on the ground, it won't be for lack of resistance. Humanity will RAGE against the dying of the light. We have METAL CANNONS THAT WE PROPEL OURSELVES AROUND THE EARTH WITH. Look at any plane, we're fantastic. Real, authentic geniuses. If a plane doesn't do the trick, you can look at this thingybob I'm using right now: an instant communication network that can send this message from here in the UK all around the earth in seconds. We're miracle-workers. As soon as it becomes urgent, god knows we'll try to deal with a heatwave and some toxic fumes, and given our track record I've got a hunch we'll win.
I've probably repeated myself about ninety times 'cause I've been on the dizzy-water, but have faith. Worst comes to the worst, you'll have been happy for 39 years. Tragic.
If it makes you feel any better, in our first year at uni, my best friend and I were in more or less the same position in most aspects of our life.
Now, he's living in his own place, with a stable job, and his wife is expecting their second kid. My own situation is rather pathetic in comparison.
We got each other. I find some solace in that. I did get invited to a few things tonight, but I am finding these people are really shallow. I kind of left (not fully) my group of friends to be around more Christians many years ago, and I am finding that most of them are shallow. I'm trying not to be judgmental about them because they're nice and probably mean well, but it sucks to not really feel included and on the outside looking in.I sometimes have a similar feeling of ostracism amongst Christian friends, not really because they're shallow necessarily, but because I don't really fit into the conservative, Republican box that many of them equate with being a Christian.
I think I just came to the realization that I have very low self-esteem :lolMight I suggest getting drunk and listening to Madonna?
We got each other. I find some solace in that. I did get invited to a few things tonight, but I am finding these people are really shallow. I kind of left (not fully) my group of friends to be around more Christians many years ago, and I am finding that most of them are shallow. I'm trying not to be judgmental about them because they're nice and probably mean well, but it sucks to not really feel included and on the outside looking in.I sometimes have a similar feeling of ostracism amongst Christian friends, not really because they're shallow necessarily, but because I don't really fit into the conservative, Republican box that many of them equate with being a Christian.
I feel horribly depressed. I'm thinking about going and getting some whiskey.
I've been fucking depressed lately. I have lost all motivation in my life. I hate my job and my mundane routine. I feel I have no purpose at the moment. I use to love my work, I can't drag myself out of bed because I know I have to go to work. I have lost all motivation and enthusiasm in my work.
I've been fucking depressed lately. I have lost all motivation in my life. I hate my job and my mundane routine. I feel I have no purpose at the moment. I use to love my work, I can't drag myself out of bed because I know I have to go to work. I have lost all motivation and enthusiasm in my work.
Has anything in your personal life or work life has changed to cause a change of attitude towards work.
I know personally I go through moments where I just get tired of work, doing the same thing day in and out.
I haven't seen my girlfriend in 2 whole days. 2 WHOLE DAYS! :sadpanda:
I've been fucking depressed lately. I have lost all motivation in my life. I hate my job and my mundane routine. I feel I have no purpose at the moment. I use to love my work, I can't drag myself out of bed because I know I have to go to work. I have lost all motivation and enthusiasm in my work.
Has anything in your personal life or work life has changed to cause a change of attitude towards work.
I know personally I go through moments where I just get tired of work, doing the same thing day in and out.
We got a new boss, he's okay but I really respected my old boss (who is still actually a high position in our team) sometimes it's hard to get motivated at work and really do what you need to do, especially when you feel like you don't get respected.
But you are right, I think I'm just tired. I haven't had a week off in over 5 years, so I'm probably drained, and it's coming into the busy time again. Doing the same thing everyday is starting to get to me.
Sometimes life just gets to you I guess. But I'm healthy and normal, so I guess I shouldn't complain.
-is joining-What's going on? :-\
-is joining-
So, I have been with Beth for about four and a half months, and everything between us, is amazing. There is just one thing between us, that causes huge problems...roughly 700 miles. It's really hard to have a serious relationship, when you don't know when you'll see them. I'm off school December 17th through January 14th, I thought that would be perfect to visit her, but, her house will be too full with people for me to stay there. That was the absolute next time I could see her...and if I can't see her then, I wont see her anytime soon. My springbreak ends the 12th, hers starts the 13th. So, I wont see her till next summer. This makes me an extremely :sadpanda:. It's so painful, to be madly in love with someone, 700 miles away.
If we're still together when we graduate from College, we want to move in together and start a family. While, that's way down the road, it's been discussed.
I can completely relate. While I didn't have 700 miles, I had 400, that I would drive twice a month. It's hard.
Do you guys have an endgame for the long distance relationship?
If we're still together when we graduate from College, we want to move in together and start a family. While, that's way down the road, it's been discussed.
I can completely relate. While I didn't have 700 miles, I had 400, that I would drive twice a month. It's hard.
Do you guys have an endgame for the long distance relationship?
Still here, as I have been for over a year now. Time really drags on when you're depressed as shit and loathe every minute you're alive.
I'm starting to realize that life simply isn't for everybody.
I don't know if this belongs in this thread. I don't think I should post it anywhere. I'm not even sure if I feel depressed anymore, because I don't feel much of anything.
I think I suffer from minor (and getting steadily worse) psychopathy, as in I lack empathy or morals, but the fact that I'm afraid of this makes me believe that perhaps I don't (like they say crazy people don't know they're crazy). Still, I feel that my positive emotions are dead or dying, and the only things I can feel strongly are hatred, jealousy and anxiety.
I still laugh, and care about my close friends, and things like that, but it doesn't feel like it's enough and in most cases... I don't enjoy anything anymore. I'll try to watch movies or write stories or play video games, things I used to love and have so much passion for, but I just experience little to no enjoyment and have no creative drive and get zero emotional response from it all and just give up. My love for music is a bit dulled as well, and though I can still appreciate it more than I do anything else, I'm afraid that's going away too.
I stopped going to school a few years back. I wasn't bullied (much), my life didn't suck, but I had no determination or concentration and I just loathed everyone around me, and it's not that I even wanted to; I wanted to have friends, I wanted to have a social life, but my mind always seemed to target and focus on the negative in people and I just started to hate them for unwarranted reasons. I still do this, and I can't help it, and since I stopped attending school I've had no contact with anyone besides family and family friends (avoiding even them whenever I could, because I hate pretending like I have emotions and care about anything in their lives), and my one friend off of the internet (also my ex-girlfriend, which really fucking hurts, by the way). I'm going crazy from the isolation and while part of me knows I need people to save me from that, the other, more prominent part is still a bitter, whiny misanthrope that just wants everyone to fuck off. And I hate that. I don't want to be that person, but even if I try to fight it, I still am. I can't force myself to care.
There's a silly little voice inside me that says "oh, everything will be better someday, don't worry about a thing", and that's keeping me from slipping into full depression, but how will things get better? I have no education, no friends, I'll have no idea how to get by in life and I'll be an adult soon (if only in age). I know most are thinking "if you don't want to be this kind of person, then shut the hell up and stop", but I can't. I say to myself I want to turn my life around, but thinking I want something and having the actual determination to do so are two different things entirely, and I don't have the latter.
I tried taking antidepressants two years back, but they had no effect on me, and I stopped a few months later. I have such a stoic, passionless, unimaginative view on things, which could be worse, I suppose, but I miss my empathy, creativity and imagination. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy life, but the same dead part of me that says "what's the point in being sad?" also says "what's the point in being happy?".
Every now and then I'll have a sudden, unprompted moment of clarity where I'll be hopeful and full of life and happiness, and have the passion for writing and reading and such that I lost a long time ago along with the determination to move forward with my life that I've been desperately searching for, but then it'll be gone just like that, and I'll be back where I started. Still, those are the moments I live for, as nothing else seems worth it. Otherwise, I just engage in various forms of escapism all day; I'll listen to music, I'll read, I'll play World of Warcraft, anything that can let me be someone other than myself, even if it's only temporarily, even if I don't enjoy those things as much as I once did.
Ugh. Fuck. I just needed to let that out. That's not even half of it but I'll scoop up whatever dignity I have left and end the post here.
tl;dr: pointless whining, disregard this post.
OLOLIT'SFUNNYCUZIT'STRUEStill here, as I have been for over a year now. Time really drags on when you're depressed as shit and loathe every minute you're alive.
:lol :lol :lol
I've noticed that when I'm depressed I write relaxing soft music.
I've noticed that when I'm depressed I write relaxing soft music.
I've noticed that when I'm depressed, it's because I miss my favorite vulgar Jew.
Don't Follow by Alice In Chains is horribly depressing.but such a good song.
I need some advice, not for me, for my girlfriend. We both go to college 300 miles apart but that's not really the problem, in fact the distance hasn't affected much between us. However she has been getting really stressed at school. She wants to be a filmmaker, or do something in the film industry. But she is getting very emotional about all the other classes she is taking, that are useless. She also passed in her first film project today and the teacher and class basically ripped it apart, and criticized all the technicalities of the shots,etc. Something she had never really experienced, and says she will probably fail the class. She called me, crying and doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to do anything, and "wants to leave". We are coming home Columbus Day weekend which is good, but I care about her too much to see her suffer. A few days after columbus day is a meeting for an internship not at the school that really interests her. She gets emotional sometimes but this is the worst I've seen her. I said she should call her parents but her mom didn't really understand. I thought she could take the semester off and have a mental break, but then she would miss the date for the internship meeting, which still isn't a guarantee. Any other options or ideas? I can't let this stand. :heart
/depressed
Failed my first of four Calc II tests, despite studying 2 hours+ a night and having a seemingly firm grasp of the material. I've also failed all four of my weekly quizzes, despite the same circumstances. What's most depressing is that I'm basically the worst student in the class, yet I know several people who claim they don't study much at all and do so much better than me; it just makes me feel like an idiot. I passed Calc I quite easily... I just don't get why I can't do good under this instructor. Anyways, I felt so bad that I've basically stopped going to class, and I'm going to drop it.
I'll have to decide before next semester if I want to change my major from Electrical Engineering to something else. I'm too afraid to go into the Engineering job market with a < 3.0 GPA anyways. I'm thinking Accounting... I don't really know. No realistically attainable job in the world really interests me.
Anyways, that's just the smallest reason I have for being depressed; I won't pain you all with my pathetic social life.
/depressed
Failed my first of four Calc II tests, despite studying 2 hours+ a night and having a seemingly firm grasp of the material. I've also failed all four of my weekly quizzes, despite the same circumstances. What's most depressing is that I'm basically the worst student in the class, yet I know several people who claim they don't study much at all and do so much better than me; it just makes me feel like an idiot. I passed Calc I quite easily... I just don't get why I can't do good under this instructor. Anyways, I felt so bad that I've basically stopped going to class, and I'm going to drop it.
I'll have to decide before next semester if I want to change my major from Electrical Engineering to something else. I'm too afraid to go into the Engineering job market with a < 3.0 GPA anyways. I'm thinking Accounting... I don't really know. No realistically attainable job in the world really interests me.
Anyways, that's just the smallest reason I have for being depressed; I won't pain you all with my pathetic social life.
Time for me to put the prof hat on again...
If you are studying and coming up short, either your study habits are inneffective - or worse - you misunderstand a concept you think you understand and it's causing problems for everything built upon that concept. Make an appointment w/ your prof during their office hours. That's his/her job. Believe it or not, most of us in the education field are in it because we WANT to teach. If we wanted to just collect a paycheck, we would do much better in the private sector. Its always easier to blame the instructor, but unless the entire class doesn't understand something, its usually on you. No employer wants to hear you shift the blame. Own up and work on your weaknesses - thats what employers want.
/depressedJust don't do Accounting. Trust me.
Failed my first of four Calc II tests, despite studying 2 hours+ a night and having a seemingly firm grasp of the material. I've also failed all four of my weekly quizzes, despite the same circumstances. What's most depressing is that I'm basically the worst student in the class, yet I know several people who claim they don't study much at all and do so much better than me; it just makes me feel like an idiot. I passed Calc I quite easily... I just don't get why I can't do good under this instructor. Anyways, I felt so bad that I've basically stopped going to class, and I'm going to drop it.
I'll have to decide before next semester if I want to change my major from Electrical Engineering to something else. I'm too afraid to go into the Engineering job market with a < 3.0 GPA anyways. I'm thinking Accounting... I don't really know. No realistically attainable job in the world really interests me.
Anyways, that's just the smallest reason I have for being depressed; I won't pain you all with my pathetic social life.
If most of the class gets it and a few students don't, I'm not changing the way I teach the class. That's where one-on-one help comes in. But if I'm not asked for it...well I can't give it. Blaming someone else is always the ego saving way, and when I was an undergrad I did the same thing. "I never had a problem with this before, therefore it MUST be Dr. Soandso's fault" is more comforting than, "I need to work harder" or "Maybe I'm not good enough." In retrospect, I can honestly say I only had one bad professor, and I can say that because I got an A in his class despite his lack of effort and his uncanny ability to side-track himself at the drop of a hat.
Tough love sucks, but it has to be given.
/depressed
Failed my first of four Calc II tests, despite studying 2 hours+ a night and having a seemingly firm grasp of the material. I've also failed all four of my weekly quizzes, despite the same circumstances. What's most depressing is that I'm basically the worst student in the class, yet I know several people who claim they don't study much at all and do so much better than me; it just makes me feel like an idiot. I passed Calc I quite easily... I just don't get why I can't do good under this instructor. Anyways, I felt so bad that I've basically stopped going to class, and I'm going to drop it.
I'll have to decide before next semester if I want to change my major from Electrical Engineering to something else. I'm too afraid to go into the Engineering job market with a < 3.0 GPA anyways. I'm thinking Accounting... I don't really know. No realistically attainable job in the world really interests me.
Anyways, that's just the smallest reason I have for being depressed; I won't pain you all with my pathetic social life.
Time for me to put the prof hat on again...
If you are studying and coming up short, either your study habits are inneffective - or worse - you misunderstand a concept you think you understand and it's causing problems for everything built upon that concept. Make an appointment w/ your prof during their office hours. That's his/her job. Believe it or not, most of us in the education field are in it because we WANT to teach. If we wanted to just collect a paycheck, we would do much better in the private sector. Its always easier to blame the instructor, but unless the entire class doesn't understand something, its usually on you. No employer wants to hear you shift the blame. Own up and work on your weaknesses - thats what employers want.
Don't compare yourself to others. Each of you have different backgrounds, initial learning bases, and different aptitudes, beyond that, as shitty as this may sound - you are not going to be the best at what you do, and the wider your exposure to people you are going to find more and more people who are better than than you at what you do; myself included. You have to learn to accept that.
As for your GPA, if you're still early enough into your schooling to change majors, you definately have time to improve it. Very few people graduate with a 4.0. There is a reason the average grade is considered a C (with grade inflation its more like a B now but that's another story), and that's because you don't have to know everything to be successful. If everyone was given A's, the reputation of your school would quickly fall to shambles because an employer would have a hard time separating the grain for the chaff. Most people don't graduate Cum Laude or better from college, and guess what? They still become gainfully employed.
Just don't do Accounting. Trust me.
I'm 2 years into a double degree of Accounting/Banking and Finance, and while Finance is actually pretty interesting and full of useful life-skills (amortized loans, share portfolios etc), the Accounting is so in depth in terms of recording and amending obscure internal company reports, it will have absolutely no use whatsoever unless I become an accountant which isn't going to happen, so at that point I lose all enthusiasm for study or doing well. Not sure if I should just tough it out (and risk it bringing down my GPA) or drop it, having effectively wasted all that money on those units.
Taking a semester off is a terrible idea. Its going to raise red flags for any future employer. They'll find someone who survived the frying pan, not someone who got cooked.
On Monday, I moved from my parents' house in NY to be with my boyfriend in Las Vegas.
I have no family, no dogs (had to leave my two dachshunds at home), and no friends here. My boyfriend went back to work on Thursdays, so I'm alone from when he leaves at 7:30am-6:30pm (when he gets home).
I don't have a car, I don't know where the hell I am (though I know where Target is), and I'm freaking lonely.
I'm happy to be here, but I'm really homesick. I miss my family. :'(
See if you can get yourself into some hobby classes, or are you planning on going to work.
I've picked up and moved to places where I knew no body and I made it fine over time, you just have to force yourself to get out.
I don't expect anyone to say anything that's going to help, but I messed up day and I'm not coping with it well right now and I can't sleep.
On my way home today I witnessed a car accident on a highway exit ramp, happened at about 55 mph. Basically, some kid was driving like a maniac and hit the car infront of him, flipping it airborn in the process and almost sending it over a barrier (if it goes over the jersey wall, it drops about 30 feet onto an enterence ramp). I get out to check on the flipped car that has the roof over the front seat caved in, driver is unconscious, approx 10 year old kid in back seat is bleeding from the head and has a glazed look...asshole driver kid barely has a scratch and watches me and another person check the other car, and yells, "Anyone going to check on me?" The other driver gets the kid out - we think the kid had a pretty bad concussion. I finally get the driver to acknowledge me, and after I told her she was upside down in car and that we got her kid out, she tells me she can't feel or mover her extremities. I've watched enough football to know that at that point not to move her, and about that time the first police officer and ambulance arrives. I inform them of the situation, and when more medics come the officer puts the driver in his back seat and asks me to meet him in the nearby strip mall for my version of the events.
That was the first time I ever seen someone seriously hurt to the point I was worried about them actually dying, I felt so helpless not being able to do more for the young mother, and worse still I realize how close that was to my car being flipped...and all because someone else had no regard for anyone other than himself. Stuff like this just gets to me and I can't stop thinking about it. Unfortunately writing it out didn't seem to help much either. Oh well, no point in not posting it now.
I don't expect anyone to say anything that's going to help, but I messed up day and I'm not coping with it well right now and I can't sleep.This makes me so angry! It seems everyday some idiot is driving 90 miles an hour weaving in and out of traffic. It makes my blood boil! What a horrible thing you witnessed. I'm sorry.
On my way home today I witnessed a car accident on a highway exit ramp, happened at about 55 mph. Basically, some kid was driving like a maniac and hit the car infront of him, flipping it airborn in the process and almost sending it over a barrier (if it goes over the jersey wall, it drops about 30 feet onto an enterence ramp). I get out to check on the flipped car that has the roof over the front seat caved in, driver is unconscious, approx 10 year old kid in back seat is bleeding from the head and has a glazed look...asshole driver kid barely has a scratch and watches me and another person check the other car, and yells, "Anyone going to check on me?" The other driver gets the kid out - we think the kid had a pretty bad concussion. I finally get the driver to acknowledge me, and after I told her she was upside down in car and that we got her kid out, she tells me she can't feel or mover her extremities. I've watched enough football to know that at that point not to move her, and about that time the first police officer and ambulance arrives. I inform them of the situation, and when more medics come the officer puts the driver in his back seat and asks me to meet him in the nearby strip mall for my version of the events.
That was the first time I ever seen someone seriously hurt to the point I was worried about them actually dying, I felt so helpless not being able to do more for the young mother, and worse still I realize how close that was to my car being flipped...and all because someone else had no regard for anyone other than himself. Stuff like this just gets to me and I can't stop thinking about it. Unfortunately writing it out didn't seem to help much either. Oh well, no point in not posting it now.
I feel like I am wasting my fucking time being stressed out as FUCK in grad school. Yeah, I need the degree in order to do what I want, but I feel like this is not the way I should be living, always anxious and losing sleep over irrelevant bullshit. I want to be enjoying my life now, not putting shit on hold over and over again. I am doing a lot of things I enjoy, but I'm also freaking out writing papers and having to do group projects with stubborn-ass people who make decisions without consulting others. I'm not digging the curriculum right now and I am paying a LOT of money to be here. The program is not what I feel like it should be, and that makes me angry. I'm completely overwhelmed. Tony is coming to visit Wednesday and all I want to do is have everything done before he gets here but I am just so goddamn tired.
This sucks.
Don't worry, 2010 is the shittiest year in the history of the world.
So, I have really really bad acne. My parents 'asked' me if I wanted to see a doctor a few months ago and I started taking antibiotics, which haven't worked at all. Over dinner my dad did his obliviously offensive 'have you actually been taking your antibiotics? They're looking pretty bad.' So now I'm gonna go to the doctor again (against my wishes) and get some stronger stuff for them. I don't think my parents realise how self conscious of my acne I am, so it's hard not to act too offended when they ask insensitively phrased stuff like that. I just want them to go away which I'm hoping will happen with age, but apparently not.
tl;dr acne sucks.
So, I have really really bad acne. My parents 'asked' me if I wanted to see a doctor a few months ago and I started taking antibiotics, which haven't worked at all. Over dinner my dad did his obliviously offensive 'have you actually been taking your antibiotics? They're looking pretty bad.' So now I'm gonna go to the doctor again (against my wishes) and get some stronger stuff for them. I don't think my parents realise how self conscious of my acne I am, so it's hard not to act too offended when they ask insensitively phrased stuff like that. I just want them to go away which I'm hoping will happen with age, but apparently not.I've been there. Still have acne, and even at the beginning of the semester it wasn't too good. I've been on proactive, clearasil, prescribed stuff, you name it. Nothing seemed to work. I never understood why I had it either. I've always ate well and been health conscious (I haven't had pop regularly in years, never eat/skip dessert) and I'm not overweight (I get by by walking all over campus and doing lots of situps everyday, other than that nothing).
tl;dr acne sucks.
tl;dr - Sister has confidence issues and it frightens me to think about her when she goes to college
FML.
That is all.
i feel i just expect way to much from myself. everything i do i feel i have to be perfect or im just complete shit. i often think about quitting music because im not as good as chris broderick or john petrucci for example. i also am at the bottom of the social ladder at high school (almost the bottom). i have very few friends, whom i rarely even talk to. i just dont know if they are befriending me cause they are sorry for me, or that they are just trying to make fun of me to show off to all the "cool kids". i also believe that my mind is just playing tricks on me. That they arent even trying to befriend me and im just being creepy by simply talking to them. because of this i rarely ever even say anything. i also only had one girlfriend who originally was pretty good looking but i lost interest in her and just wanted to be friends. she stopped eating and went into depression (made me feel like shit). it made a huge scene at my school, and now people dont even trust me. i tried asking a girl out afterward but couldnt find the words to say so i looked like a major creeper and was rejected. now i am afraid to even approach women at all. i feel like im in a hole and there is no way to get out. i doubt any of you give a shit but i just needed to vent
I'm getting severly depressed. I seriously don't want to get up in the morning. No one in my life seems to care at all.:omg: Don't say that...I'm not sure who you think doesn't care, but that mindset will only hurt your depression...I know that we're a bunch of silly internet people, but we care! You are always encouraging to us when we're down--just browse through the last couple pages of this thread and you'll see. You've got a gift of compassion that is very much appreciated here, and I'm sure is appreciated by others in your life.
(Also, Kura is awesome and I agree with Marvellous G.)
My mom is in the hospital. She had her lung drained and it colapsed on her and now she has blood clots also. She has lung cancer. They also found to spots on her brain. I feel helpless, but I going to be strong for her.I wish you lots of strength.
My mom is in the hospital. She had her lung drained and it colapsed on her and now she has blood clots also. She has lung cancer. They also found to spots on her brain. I feel helpless, but I going to be strong for her.
Thanks guys. It's been hard the last few weeks. We're on a holding patern right now until they fix the lung and the blood clots. Plus losing my job of 12+ years is adding to my anxiety.So sorry King.
I just typed out a five paragraph post, backspaced all of it, then decided it would be best to go the road of "keep that shit to yourself, no one gives a fuck."
Because making another long post on DTF is something I definitely do not need to keep doing, if only to prove I'm not as much of a pathetic asshole as I appear.
i've also recently been going thru this debate inside my head of wanting to do drugs to escape reality but then i talk myself out of it. i've not done drugs or pills but i get this craving, i want to and this darkness just takes over and i have to fight it. it's like all of the positive aspects in my life is a facade for this dark...thing...that i have inside me. and everything that is wrong just adds to it, feeds it.
edit: nope
I've been going in and out of some weird form of depression lately, not really too sure why, but it's certainly helped me become a bit better as a lyrical/music writer, so I guess I can't really complain.
I think a lot of it is due to the fact that over the past year my world view has changed a lot, and almost all of my optimism is lost for the future, so I don't really think its depression as much as it is just getting used to the "new me". (If that makes any sense.)
But then again no one probably cares (and I shouldn't expect anyone to)
You might find helpful to see a dermatologist. He might recommend you a lotion or something like that. Acne is probably very annoying and painful too, if you have that mania. Just one thing that I wanted to tell from your post, and correct me if I am wrong, but have you actually being diagnosed with OCD? Let me explain.I've been going in and out of some weird form of depression lately, not really too sure why, but it's certainly helped me become a bit better as a lyrical/music writer, so I guess I can't really complain.
I think a lot of it is due to the fact that over the past year my world view has changed a lot, and almost all of my optimism is lost for the future, so I don't really think its depression as much as it is just getting used to the "new me". (If that makes any sense.)
But then again no one probably cares (and I shouldn't expect anyone to)
That sounds pretty normal, it might not be depression but just so many new things in your life, that make you feel so different that you could mistake it for that. I wouldn't worry if it's not bothering you too much, but if it still is, then vent in here, broseidon.
As for me, I'm getting kind of worried. I'd like to preface this rant by saying that I hate it when people are diagnosed with stuff such as OCD and depression, and then essentially revel in it, so I'm not doing that here, just observing the signs.
Basically, I'm a pretty OCD person in general, and always have been. I don't just mean checking stuff routinely, I mean the whole shebang, like getting out of bed ten times in a row and readjusting a piece of paper on the other side of the room until it's 'just right,' checking my pockets evero 20 seconds (literally) when I'm out, clicking lights on and off until I get the 'just right' feeling, etc. I'd sort of tried to ignore this as much as possible, but it's been getting pretty bad recently.
Right, part two. I have pretty bad acne, but I'd always wondered why it was so much worse than other people's. I always picked at my spots, but I thought that was at least a little normal, until I discovered this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatillomania That describes exactly how I feel in relation to spots (not the arms and legs stuff, thank God) but I also pick my lips until they bleed, despite knowing full well how bad it is for me. I just feel like I have to have my hands occupied (haha masturbation joke) constantly or I instinctively start picking my lips or face, and it's getting to an almost unbearable point. Finally, there's the whole depression relation thing, which is apparently pretty strong in OCD people, so basically I'm a bit worried that all of this will continue to get worse and I'll end up an insane, rambling mess.
tl;dr: Should I see a doctor about this?
I think a lot of it is due to the fact that over the past year my world view has changed a lot, and almost all of my optimism is lost for the future, so I don't really think its depression as much as it is just getting used to the "new me". (If that makes any sense.)What if you randomly find a winner lottery ticket in the streets? It's actually serious. Doors open everyday and you can't predict what's gonna happen tomorrow. You don't have to be overly-optimistic, in fact, it's great to be down-to-earth in our modern society, but this should not prevent you from having goals or dreams. Tell your "new you" to get a software update :)
But yet this time I can't move on. Every second I think about her. I can't read, watch or do something without thinking about her. and these thoughts about her kind of hurt me deeply. I just don't know what to do.If your mind is imprisoned, you need to release it. This involves change. Don't read the same thing or watch the same channel. Go to a new place and find a new activity. Also, if "relationship" problems are frequent for you, you should consider finding a different form of passion that will hold your interest in the long run, maybe start a website, little business, play a sport, learn an instrument, write a book, etc.
You might find helpful to see a dermatologist. He might recommend you a lotion or something like that. Acne is probably very annoying and painful too, if you have that mania. Just one thing that I wanted to tell from your post, and correct me if I am wrong, but have you actually being diagnosed with OCD? Let me explain.I've been going in and out of some weird form of depression lately, not really too sure why, but it's certainly helped me become a bit better as a lyrical/music writer, so I guess I can't really complain.
I think a lot of it is due to the fact that over the past year my world view has changed a lot, and almost all of my optimism is lost for the future, so I don't really think its depression as much as it is just getting used to the "new me". (If that makes any sense.)
But then again no one probably cares (and I shouldn't expect anyone to)
That sounds pretty normal, it might not be depression but just so many new things in your life, that make you feel so different that you could mistake it for that. I wouldn't worry if it's not bothering you too much, but if it still is, then vent in here, broseidon.
As for me, I'm getting kind of worried. I'd like to preface this rant by saying that I hate it when people are diagnosed with stuff such as OCD and depression, and then essentially revel in it, so I'm not doing that here, just observing the signs.
Basically, I'm a pretty OCD person in general, and always have been. I don't just mean checking stuff routinely, I mean the whole shebang, like getting out of bed ten times in a row and readjusting a piece of paper on the other side of the room until it's 'just right,' checking my pockets evero 20 seconds (literally) when I'm out, clicking lights on and off until I get the 'just right' feeling, etc. I'd sort of tried to ignore this as much as possible, but it's been getting pretty bad recently.
Right, part two. I have pretty bad acne, but I'd always wondered why it was so much worse than other people's. I always picked at my spots, but I thought that was at least a little normal, until I discovered this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatillomania That describes exactly how I feel in relation to spots (not the arms and legs stuff, thank God) but I also pick my lips until they bleed, despite knowing full well how bad it is for me. I just feel like I have to have my hands occupied (haha masturbation joke) constantly or I instinctively start picking my lips or face, and it's getting to an almost unbearable point. Finally, there's the whole depression relation thing, which is apparently pretty strong in OCD people, so basically I'm a bit worried that all of this will continue to get worse and I'll end up an insane, rambling mess.
tl;dr: Should I see a doctor about this?
OCD is common, that's true. But it's also not hard to treat and MANY people think they have OCD when they actually don't. Unlike other disorders such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, OCD does not cause physical symptoms (or at least most forms of it) and you can beat it using your emotional intelligence. For example, try ONLY switching off the lights ONCE, or maybe challenge yourself to wash your hand only before you eat. Will this bother you at that moment? YES. Will you feel good after overcoming it? YES. You will notice that these events do not have an impact on your life or luck. You control them, and not the other way around it.
As for the whole picking problem, this is a matter of releasing energy. You need to release this energy, your fingers need to be moving (either picking on the pocket or the skin). Since you need to release this energy, you just need to find OTHER ways to release it. Maybe get one of those cheap stress balls, playing with a rubber or band or some other silly thing that won't impact your physical state.
This post is coming from someone who overcame a non-diagnosed OCD without any treatment or medical help whatsover. Stay away from the meds unless it's completely necessary. Hope this helps you.
I don't think I can go one single day without someone pissing me off. >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
I'm fucking pissed off. I cant seem to keep my mind focused on simple and daily tasks, and constantly make elementary, and embarassing mistakes. I fucking keep losing everything also. :censored >:(
*snip*
Haven't been on this forum in ages, had so much going on. Definitely in the depressed thread kinda mood right now.
...
Thanks, I'm really sorry if it hurt to read, I dunno if it's TMI... but it's like, people hear I lost my mum... that's all they know, so it just sounds like something everyone goes through, she coulda been really old for all they know, it coulda been peaceful and so forth. But they don't know the actual nightmare the past few years was and how bad it's been! the drug thing isn't recreational for fun, it's all prescribed medication, I've just been a little bit reckless with the mixing and dosage to try and find pain relief, I'm the last person who'd do hard drugs for fun, trust me.
Wow, well, I don't really know what to say. I was going to say I empathize with dealing with an alcoholic mother, but that was before I read everything else :-\
All I can really suggest, though this may sound pretty trivial, is to relieve the pain in the healthiest ways possible. Drugs don't heal; they only numb the senses. Try talking to someone, or even vent it all out here. I find venting can really help when you're on the brink of breaking down.
I know this may sound terribly cliche, but if you have a million reasons to be miserable and only one to be happy, then hold onto that one little reason and embrace it every second.
I hope everything works out alright. It sounds like you already have your priorities well known and and what it is you intend on doing with your life. That's better than about 98% of people out there right now..
Wow, well, I don't really know what to say. I was going to say I empathize with dealing with an alcoholic mother, but that was before I read everything else :-\
All I can really suggest, though this may sound pretty trivial, is to relieve the pain in the healthiest ways possible. Drugs don't heal; they only numb the senses. Try talking to someone, or even vent it all out here. I find venting can really help when you're on the brink of breaking down.
Thanks... yeah that makes sense. I don't drink, and I don't take drugs for fun. My way of releasing is to talk about it to friends, and to listen to lots and lots of music, generally sad music. I had road salt by PoS on repeat on my ipod while she was in intensive care for those few days and it really hurts to listen to it but i don't think that's a bad thing, it's probably cathartic, I don't believe in trying to avoid pain, it's best to go towards it and try get it all out before you can move on, I dunno how long that's gonna take!
I feel tortured wondering whether she knew she was dying and could understand what we were saying after they stopped giving her oxygen :( she may have had brain damage or may have been functioning fine mentally and just couldn't speak back to us... I gave up pretending things were going to be okay towards the end and spoke to her with the truth, how she probably knew by then that she was dying and how she shouldn't be scared and we were gonna be fine cos of how she brought us up etc. I know it was the right thing to do because I wouldn't wanna be bullshitted while I lay dying, but I still feel torn about how scared she must have been if she was lucid. Etc. ad infinitum... I'm like a broken record to my friends right now.
Music is a great anti-depressant. I actually find that depressing music helps me cheer up when I feel like shit, which is most of the time. I think knowing that someone out there, at least one point in time, felt down the way you did, kind of alleviates the emotional pain.I know this may sound terribly cliche, but if you have a million reasons to be miserable and only one to be happy, then hold onto that one little reason and embrace it every second.
I hope everything works out alright. It sounds like you already have your priorities well known and and what it is you intend on doing with your life. That's better than about 98% of people out there right now..
It's worth trying to aim for, yes. I have the MOST amazing friends you could ever imagine, people that are there for me whenever I need them if I reached out to them, people who are supportive, know what to say, and make it clear they love me to pieces. I'm incredibly lucky in this regard and I never stop being thankful. I'm also constantly embracing the way music makes me feel!
For the past year or so I've been stuck in this huge rut where I'm like, "life, throw some awesome stuff at me, I'm brave and I'm ready for anything" but instead I live the most boring existence ever, just wasting my youth stuck in my room.Is there any sports or teams you can join? Any interest in forming a musical group?
The college I go to is not very big and is occupied by people who already have friends or just want to go to class and get it over with.
It just sucks because I'm really adventurous and I love to rise to every occasion I can, but there is nothing. I'm so fucking bored out of my mind all the time and there's nothing I can do about it. It would be awesome if I had some options, but I don't. My only option is to sit around and be a lame sap.
For the past year or so I've been stuck in this huge rut where I'm like, "life, throw some awesome stuff at me, I'm brave and I'm ready for anything" but instead I live the most boring existence ever, just wasting my youth stuck in my room.
The college I go to is not very big and is occupied by people who already have friends or just want to go to class and get it over with.
It just sucks because I'm really adventurous and I love to rise to every occasion I can, but there is nothing. I'm so fucking bored out of my mind all the time and there's nothing I can do about it. It would be awesome if I had some options, but I don't. My only option is to sit around and be a lame sap.
For the past year or so I've been stuck in this huge rut where I'm like, "life, throw some awesome stuff at me, I'm brave and I'm ready for anything" but instead I live the most boring existence ever, just wasting my youth stuck in my room.
The college I go to is not very big and is occupied by people who already have friends or just want to go to class and get it over with.
It just sucks because I'm really adventurous and I love to rise to every occasion I can, but there is nothing. I'm so fucking bored out of my mind all the time and there's nothing I can do about it. It would be awesome if I had some options, but I don't. My only option is to sit around and be a lame sap.
In my opinion, money and material possessions will make you happy, but it's like a drug effect. It just pushes the bad feelings away, it doesn't get rid of them. You won't really be "happy". The thing that will make you truly happy is someone to love and care for, and who loves and cares for you.
In my opinion, money and material possessions will make you happy, but it's like a drug effect. It just pushes the bad feelings away, it doesn't get rid of them. You won't really be "happy". The thing that will make you truly happy is someone to love and care for, and who loves and cares for you.
That won´t make you happy either. Sure, it will for a while, but a romantic relationship does the same thing as money and material possessions. It just pushes the bad feelings away, it doesn´t get rid of them. Your thought is not so strange, because relationships are more effective in repressing your negative emotions than money. But in essence it´s the same thing. Romance pretends to fills our gaps, so we can feel loved, we feel needed. What´s more, if you only regard a partner as something to make you happy, things won´t work out too well. I´m not saying romantic relationships are bad, but you need to accept and be happy with yourself before you start a relationship. Otherwise you are just using the other person to make yourself feel better. If you have no love for yourself, how can you give love to others? Neediness doesn´t equal romance. Humans are per definition alone. Even if you´re in a relationship you´re still alone. Romance, money and material possessions are merely the cover-ups for this sense of fragmentation. Accept your aloneness, and be happy.
Well I act happy and don't really show how I'm feeling a lot, but once I start getting close to someone, I can't hide it. I've been through a lot, I know we all have, and maybe I'm just going through a rough patch right now. But I don't really now what a rough patch is when it's like that all the time. You can't try and tell me that you would be just as happy without your boyfriend though. I just don't really know what I want or anything, there's a lot going on. I value personal relationships so much higher than money, and I can't ever imagine choosing that over a loved one. Of course it would be an exception if the person was preventing me from doing what I wanted, but in that case they wouldn't really love me.In my opinion, money and material possessions will make you happy, but it's like a drug effect. It just pushes the bad feelings away, it doesn't get rid of them. You won't really be "happy". The thing that will make you truly happy is someone to love and care for, and who loves and cares for you.
That won´t make you happy either. Sure, it will for a while, but a romantic relationship does the same thing as money and material possessions. It just pushes the bad feelings away, it doesn´t get rid of them. Your thought is not so strange, because relationships are more effective in repressing your negative emotions than money. But in essence it´s the same thing. Romance pretends to fills our gaps, so we can feel loved, we feel needed. What´s more, if you only regard a partner as something to make you happy, things won´t work out too well. I´m not saying romantic relationships are bad, but you need to accept and be happy with yourself before you start a relationship. Otherwise you are just using the other person to make yourself feel better. If you have no love for yourself, how can you give love to others? Neediness doesn´t equal romance. Humans are per definition alone. Even if you´re in a relationship you´re still alone. Romance, money and material possessions are merely the cover-ups for this sense of fragmentation. Accept your aloneness, and be happy.
I agree with this. You have to be happy alone, with yourself, and comfortable with your own company before you can be happy in a relationship. Balanced, healthy, fulfilling relationships add a degree of awesomeness to life but they won't make anybody happy, and if you're miserable and lonely to begin with a potential partner will sense that desparation and run a mile. It sounds crazy but the only thing that can make you happy is yourself, whatever situation you're in and whatever's going wrong, you can choose to be happy.. it will be fake and forced at first but you will eventually begin to feel the way you're acting, I reckon.
If you're sad alone without a relationship you should get some counselling or therapy to learn to be happy with your life. And don't forget, even once you do find reciprocated 'love', it can disappear in the blink of an eye, you can be left, cheated on, the person you thought you knew can turn out to be everything you despise in another human being, and if you've placed too much emphasis on what a partner will do for your life then breathed a sigh of relief once you have a partner you'll be left in an even worse state than you were to begin with.
That's not aimed at anyone just general thoughts..
You can't try and tell me that you would be just as happy without your boyfriend though.
:'( I found my long lost sister a couple of days ago, the person I knew existed but haven't been around since I was 1. She was in the local paper, just been given a four year prison sentence for arson... so now I gotta decide should I go try to establish contact with her, or let it go? Could be a whole new can of worms because she looks like a heroin addict/alcoholic at the least. I always thought I would try find her once my mum died but I didn't expect it to surface so quickly and easily!
I can't handle another addict in my life yet if that's the case, but on the other hand I'll always be wondering... what if? She's my sister, yet a woman I've never known and don't have a clue about. On one hand I want to get to know her, if she wants to, she seems like she is at such a low point in her life and I'm the kinda person who wants to be there for people. But personally I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with the consequences if they're bad, not atm. Thoughts?
You lonely guys should be a little grateful that you depend on no one. Currently I have a distance relationship. Yeah, it's only for fools, it's just for losers, I know, whatever. She had to go and now she's studying far away in a distant city -And country- and we hoped that she could come back in October/December of this year. A lot of things happened and she finally was left to choose between finishing her career next year and then coming back here, or come back this year but finish her career later. She chose the obvious option (First one). Now it seems she won't come back until January 2013, and not even that is sure. I'm happy for her (For real) and I know I must not be selfish, she has a future to fulfill and dreams to accomplish, but GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FORGIVE ME, IT HURTS LIKE HELL. I'm starting to think that between now and that distant time (Can a man wait that much? Two years...) there will be only pain and suffering, and she will get tired of me, and dump me for some guy who actually can do something for her and be with her. I'm starting to think I'm just not that important. She has a life over there. Why would a piece of steaming shit like me be more important for her than her friends and interests she can actually hug, kiss, and make her laugh? I'm just tying her life up and tiring everything she does. I do nothing but bother her with my existentialist bullshit and with my complex personality. I'm a bum in her life, a fucking obstacle. And I don't know what can make me think otherwise. I love her. I know I'm too young to say that but fuck it. That's it... I love her and I'll wait for her, but I fear that she will find someone else who can make her happy, a gentleman who can show her how important she is physically, and not a hopeless and helpless idiot, an immature and worthless mere shell of a human being like me, that can't do anything for her because I'm far away.
I know I'm being a crybaby here, that I need to cheer up and face this shit like a real man. But I need to discharge this sorrow somewhere, in a place where people barely know who I am. A place where people will read... And where she won't.
So that's pretty much everything I have to say.
I just read your longer post about your "rant" and I just want to say that I'm very sorry that you had to go through that. I personally think that you should not cut her out of your life, but this might seem like a bad time to go see her if you're still struggling with dealing with your mom and the feelings associated with that. I can see you're a strong person, but I think right now you have to be there for yourself and get yourself healthy and able to move on before you can help her. If anything right now she's in prison so she can't do any more damage to herself while you sort yourself out.
n_c, you got enough on your plate at the moment. You don't need to cut her out forever, but I think you need to take care of yourself at the moment. Not saying she is a bad person, but if she IS an addict she ill try to tale advantage of you, and... well, you shouldn't have to put up with that now.
What makes you think you annoy everyone you know?I don't now. I feel like I try too hard to fit in, or that people are constantly judging me and laughing about me behind my back.
Regarding the constant little setbacks, I hear you there. I often wonder if it's just the whole getting older thing, once you leave your teens and enter into being a self sufficient adult it seems life is a torrent of shit slightly and occasionally mitigated by something good/awesome happening. And everyone just has to learn how to bat away the crap as it comes at you while forging forward and trying to be successful and happy. But maybe that's just me.
I know what you mean. Do you find it's different with different groups though? I don't get shy but I can feel pretty awkward in certain situations. But in others I'm in my element. Do you KNOW people are laughing about you behind your back? Sounds like the experiences you had in grade/middle school have kept a hold of you. Have you ever had counselling?I've taken a little bit of counseling, but it was mostly against my will and forced on me by my mother, who should honestly be locked up in an asylum. I'm not kidding or exaggerating.
Sometimes being thrown into something you're not ready for is the best way to cope and mature... however cool your new friends will be, they'll almost never be as good as your original friends! The whole transition from teenager living at home to adult moving out is hard for most people, at least you know everyone else will be in the same boat...
I know what you mean. Do you find it's different with different groups though? I don't get shy but I can feel pretty awkward in certain situations. But in others I'm in my element. Do you KNOW people are laughing about you behind your back? Sounds like the experiences you had in grade/middle school have kept a hold of you. Have you ever had counselling?I've taken a little bit of counseling, but it was mostly against my will and forced on me by my mother, who should honestly be locked up in an asylum. I'm not kidding or exaggerating.
Sometimes being thrown into something you're not ready for is the best way to cope and mature... however cool your new friends will be, they'll almost never be as good as your original friends! The whole transition from teenager living at home to adult moving out is hard for most people, at least you know everyone else will be in the same boat...
I do think I've made a lot of progress, but it still holds me back sometimes. I can make pretty much anyone laugh by cracking a few sarcastic comments, but I still feel very insecure around people. But if I keep at it, I think I'll make more progress.
I've noticed I feel very desperate and insecure when I start getting feelings for a girl, even though I can hide it. lolniceguy
I'm glad I'm not alone in the fear of living on my own. I just laugh at kids my age who act like they can't wait for it, since most of them are extremely dysfunctional on their own.
But I think I annoy mostly everyone I know anyway.
Every time I feel like I'm making progress, some little setback creeps up and reminds me that I haven't.I've felt the same way. When I had that time, I always was worried about the people who thought I was annoying, but never the people who thought I was fun and that I made laugh. I can't be a good example, but when I tried to fit in, I always felt uncomfortable, always felt it was not my thing and ended up walking away. In University I struggled to find a group in which I felt comfortable, and the search was even painful, but I think that after a long time I have finally found them.
And it's exhausting to fake happiness to not be a nuisance to the people around me.
But I think I annoy mostly everyone I know anyway.
Yeah, that was me. She'd pass out on the couch every day and night for about 3 years. Then she attended AA and only delved deeper into insanity.I know what you mean. Do you find it's different with different groups though? I don't get shy but I can feel pretty awkward in certain situations. But in others I'm in my element. Do you KNOW people are laughing about you behind your back? Sounds like the experiences you had in grade/middle school have kept a hold of you. Have you ever had counselling?I've taken a little bit of counseling, but it was mostly against my will and forced on me by my mother, who should honestly be locked up in an asylum. I'm not kidding or exaggerating.
Sometimes being thrown into something you're not ready for is the best way to cope and mature... however cool your new friends will be, they'll almost never be as good as your original friends! The whole transition from teenager living at home to adult moving out is hard for most people, at least you know everyone else will be in the same boat...
I do think I've made a lot of progress, but it still holds me back sometimes. I can make pretty much anyone laugh by cracking a few sarcastic comments, but I still feel very insecure around people. But if I keep at it, I think I'll make more progress.
I've noticed I feel very desperate and insecure when I start getting feelings for a girl, even though I can hide it. lolniceguy
I'm glad I'm not alone in the fear of living on my own. I just laugh at kids my age who act like they can't wait for it, since most of them are extremely dysfunctional on their own.
*hugs* were you the guy in the thread who said they could empathise with having an alcoholic mother?
Are you moving out and into college accommodation? Because if so, that's nothing like living on your own... you tend to have your finances sorted out for you, some places provide meals, you have people in a similar situation around you and know what your focus is for the next couple of years at least.
What scares you about living alone? Is it the practical stuff (the cooking, cleaning, washing stuff, getting up on time, being organised) or some other stuff?
Ravenheart, I have really gone through the same issues and I probably still do. However, the whole fitting in thing, I've found, is really just something that you can't get depressed about, or it will only get worse. Take it from, me, I tried way too hard to fit in, particularly in 7th grade, and did some really fucking stupid things. Therefore, I had friends that weren't really good people to be around, because I attracted that kind of negative energy. Really, I wasn't very happy about it, because I hated the kids I hung around and I hated myself for being a complete fuck just to fit in.Heh, I was the same way during 7th and 8th grade, except that the people I wanted to like me didn't like me at all :P
If I met myself back then I would have fucking killed the little bastard.
So I guess the lesson that I've half-learned (I still need to learn it in some ways) is that not focusing on drawing people in really will leave you better off in the long run. I sort of started to gravitate to other people similar to myself through that, and now have a few good friends, which to me is much better than a lot. People tend to draw together even in their disinterest for drawing people to them.
I feel the same way Ravenheart, it feels like I have to hide what's going on with me, and put up a charade. I can only really be open with a couple friends I have, but they live kind of far away, and I used to open with a girl, but she's not in my life really anymore. I've always felt that I had people I could hang out with and call "friends", but no one I'm really that close to and can actually be myself with. My dad was kind of abusive, and I don't talk to him anymore. I live with my mom, but she's borderline alcoholic, and she's a little crazy too. She's the most important thing to me though, and she's been having health issues and issues at work lately, so I'm pretty worried at the moment. The only difference between you and I is that I can't wait to move out, but I don't have the financial stability. I really want to go to school, but again the money is a problem.I know what you mean. Having someone to confide in is important. When you have friends that can't help you, it makes the outlook bleak.
Well thanks! :) I like you, too. I've been bullied a lot in my life (not anymore), and it just takes a toll on my self-esteem. I tend to worry too much, and I recognize that.But I think I annoy mostly everyone I know anyway.
This statement surprises me because I like you a lot and find that very hard to believe.
Yeah, I found my group of true friends around last year. It's made me feel a lot better, and I think they do accept me for who I am. It's just painful for me to look back at all those years I spent trying to fit in with the wrong crowd and always spending every day alone and unhappy.Every time I feel like I'm making progress, some little setback creeps up and reminds me that I haven't.I've felt the same way. When I had that time, I always was worried about the people who thought I was annoying, but never the people who thought I was fun and that I made laugh. I can't be a good example, but when I tried to fit in, I always felt uncomfortable, always felt it was not my thing and ended up walking away. In University I struggled to find a group in which I felt comfortable, and the search was even painful, but I think that after a long time I have finally found them.
And it's exhausting to fake happiness to not be a nuisance to the people around me.
But I think I annoy mostly everyone I know anyway.
I'm in a long distance relationship, too, but I don't think you should regard yourself like that. Obviously if she's willing to wait to even have a hug or a kiss it means she loves you. She chose career because she needs to get herself established, obviously. I know I'd do the same thing (and I am doing the same thing) as I see no point trying to move into living with a guy and his parents with no money and no income. I would go out and DO things instead of sitting and dwelling on the "what if what if what if" stuff that she might or might not do. If she really liked sex and touching and all that so much she wouldn't have a long-distance relationship to begin with. Girls like that say "sorry we gotta break up" after highschool ends just because they'd be going to different colleges 30 minutes away >_> (30 minutes is not long-distance, people!!)Thanks for reading! But you're right. She couldn't do any jobs if she came here this year, and even though her University would finance her studies here, she would have to pay Health Insurance, Transport, rent and all the other shit. It would be harder for her and you're absolutely right... I understand her decision even more now.
I don't know your situation, but why not try and find an (extra?) part time job so you can save up and see her for Christmas/new years of this year? I'm sure that would make her really happy!
I'm in a long distance relationship, too, but I don't think you should regard yourself like that. Obviously if she's willing to wait to even have a hug or a kiss it means she loves you. She chose career because she needs to get herself established, obviously. I know I'd do the same thing (and I am doing the same thing) as I see no point trying to move into living with a guy and his parents with no money and no income. I would go out and DO things instead of sitting and dwelling on the "what if what if what if" stuff that she might or might not do. If she really liked sex and touching and all that so much she wouldn't have a long-distance relationship to begin with. Girls like that say "sorry we gotta break up" after highschool ends just because they'd be going to different colleges 30 minutes away >_> (30 minutes is not long-distance, people!!)Thanks for reading! But you're right. She couldn't do any jobs if she came here this year, and even though her University would finance her studies here, she would have to pay Health Insurance, Transport, rent and all the other shit. It would be harder for her and you're absolutely right... I understand her decision even more now.
I don't know your situation, but why not try and find an (extra?) part time job so you can save up and see her for Christmas/new years of this year? I'm sure that would make her really happy!
About regarding myself hard, I've always had a very low self-esteem since I was almost 7 or 8 years old. And though I don't know her friends very well, I surely can say they're awesome. Centered, older, more experienced and (Hate to admit this) more handsome men who can support her economically, and most of all, who are not a complete failure like I am. 2013 seems so far away from here... It will be hard... Really hard.
I can't do part time jobs right now since my academic load is quite heavy, but I could do it on vacations this year, and traveling to that country costs a lot here, more than I could gain if I worked just one month or two. But I'll think about it :)
Hey guys, most depressed I've ever been in my life.??? What happened?
I hate my life. Along with other things like finances and health I am an emotional wreck.Wow, um, I don't really know what to say to this, other than that I'm really sorry this is happening.
My family downright hates me. They think I'm a lying, manipulative, selfish bitch and accuse of things so ridiuculous I laugh sometimes.
I explained I hate to SHORTEN plans for tomorrow morning, because of a situation at work that I was hoping to get solved as soon as possible and my parents freak out and accuse me of lying and that I'm some horrible person. All they do is tell me what I'm doing wrong in life, how they can't stand me, and how I'm a pathological liar who uses people and is never reliable. That and my attempts at talking to them make them so frustrated and angry that they can't stand being around me. Also, they think it's impossible for anyone in the world to actually like me. Even when I can PHYSICALLY prove that I'm telling the truth, it's never enough.
I give up on life.
Yes, more or less. Sometimes it's fine, and then I'll do one thing, like say I'm too tired to do something/have to reschedule/etc, and suddenly it'll all begin again. Even if I have a good reason, they'll think I'm making it up or something weird. :sadpanda:
:( What's up sonata?
That sucks Chris :(
Maybe you just need a break to relax a bit, it sounds like you've been pretty busy/stressed and that can make you lose motivation and feel like giving up if it gets too much.
You should have mocked them for having more tools in their mouth than a dentist's patient.
Yes, more or less. Sometimes it's fine, and then I'll do one thing, like say I'm too tired to do something/have to reschedule/etc, and suddenly it'll all begin again. Even if I have a good reason, they'll think I'm making it up or something weird. :sadpanda:
sending good vibes you way, rina <3
im not really good at therapy type stuff, but one thing i learned is that things have a weird way of working out. just remember when things go wrong, me and antigoon got your back.
edit the last sentence meant if you got me and antigoon, it's all good.
HEY GUISE
JUST RAN A RAZOR ACROSS THE INSIDE OF MY LEG
LIFE IS SO FUCKING AWESOME
:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:
Loosing my mom and this job search is taking it's toll on me mentally but I'm trying to fight off this feeling and trying to keep my chin up and fight the good fight. It's hard.
My best friend (in her mid 50's) has been confiding in me lately. Her husband is recently in Hospice due to cancer and it's devastating and I'm not sure of what to do. Sometimes we won't talk about it and will just focus on enjoying a night out, and other times I try to be there just so she can vent. It's just a really hard situation and I'm really in pieces about it.
Thanks lonestar. :heart:heart
Been having some difficulty with the girl I'm taking to prom- one moment she'll seem like she really likes me, the next she seems to be on the complete other end of the spectrum.
Fun fun.
My best friend (in her mid 50's) has been confiding in me lately. Her husband is recently in Hospice due to cancer and it's devastating and I'm not sure of what to do. Sometimes we won't talk about it and will just focus on enjoying a night out, and other times I try to be there just so she can vent. It's just a really hard situation and I'm really in pieces about it.
I can't stand feeling not needed... by my girlfriend, friends, family, etc... Like I can disappear off the face of the earth and no one would notice the fucking difference. I also can't stand feeling like I am being lied to (in my relationship)... not being sure now what is fact and what is fabrication. It is making me paranoid.
The 2 things that are plaguing me..
I can't understand why, but I have this horrible nervous feeling in my stomach, some might describe it as the 'butterflies' and its constantly there, not just bothering me for a few minutes at a time. I've had it before, a few weeks back and I noticed it started again yesterday, I went out for lunch with a few friends and while i was eating I got this feeling and when i lifted my fork I was trembling slightly.Do you experience insane amounts of energy, or feel like you can't control yourself? It sounds a little like the mania phase of bipolar disorder.
I'm trying to catch up on school work today after a solid week of partying, but I can't focus because the feeling is overwhelming. I am an obsessive over-thinker too which isn't helping, once I get in motion, that's it. It's really starting to get me down, I'm thinking about the last time I experienced it and it was horrible, lasted over a week, and in that time I hardly ate or slept.
Wtf is wrong with me guys? :sad:
I can't understand why, but I have this horrible nervous feeling in my stomach, some might describe it as the 'butterflies' and its constantly there, not just bothering me for a few minutes at a time. I've had it before, a few weeks back and I noticed it started again yesterday, I went out for lunch with a few friends and while i was eating I got this feeling and when i lifted my fork I was trembling slightly.Do you experience insane amounts of energy, or feel like you can't control yourself? It sounds a little like the mania phase of bipolar disorder.
I'm trying to catch up on school work today after a solid week of partying, but I can't focus because the feeling is overwhelming. I am an obsessive over-thinker too which isn't helping, once I get in motion, that's it. It's really starting to get me down, I'm thinking about the last time I experienced it and it was horrible, lasted over a week, and in that time I hardly ate or slept.
Wtf is wrong with me guys? :sad:
I can't understand why, but I have this horrible nervous feeling in my stomach, some might describe it as the 'butterflies' and its constantly there, not just bothering me for a few minutes at a time. I've had it before, a few weeks back and I noticed it started again yesterday, I went out for lunch with a few friends and while i was eating I got this feeling and when i lifted my fork I was trembling slightly.While some people are making connections to psychological problems (which is likely), it's difficult to point out if there is a link to a specific psychological disorder given you did not say much about your current situation- lots of stress? any recent family problems? family history?
I'm trying to catch up on school work today after a solid week of partying, but I can't focus because the feeling is overwhelming. I am an obsessive over-thinker too which isn't helping, once I get in motion, that's it. It's really starting to get me down, I'm thinking about the last time I experienced it and it was horrible, lasted over a week, and in that time I hardly ate or slept.
Wtf is wrong with me guys? :sad:
Do you experience insane amounts of energy, or feel like you can't control yourself? It sounds a little like the mania phase of bipolar disorder.
It might be panic attacks or anxiety - which is also related to depression and bi-polar. I've dealt with panic attacks quite a bit. It starts in my stomach and then I get shaky. I feel like fight or flight... seriously the lyrics to Panic Attack are pretty accurate haha Caffeine and alcohol can increase anxiety, so if you say its after a week of partying, that may have an impact.
While some people are making connections to psychological problems (which is likely), it's difficult to point out if there is a link to a specific psychological disorder given you did not say much about your current situation- lots of stress? any recent family problems? family history?
Generally speaking, it is known in the field of psychology that stomach "butterflies" are usually associated with anxiety and fear. The uncertainty of events can cause the person to sketch out many situations, and the desire to control every detail - in an "over thinker" like you - can drive one to anxiety and fear. However, it could as well just be some physical symptom rather than a psychological problem. Stomach problems that come and go are often associated with specific food that you might be consuming with regularity. Parasites that are present in water sources or salads for example. Don't rule out this option if you know you eat the same exact things every single day and if you know others with similar symptoms.
Once you figure the "source", you need to decide how you will deal with it. There is medicine for nausea and irritated stomach. Ondansentron is highly effective!!! But you don't want it to be in a glass prison. I also understand seeing a doctor/psychologist is not always convenient. But you don't want to be living with these butterflies forever either, so you will eventually have to do something. Good luck.
Feels good to vent for a change, sorry it had to be on here.Everyone's got to get it out of their system at some point. Glad to see you're doing it in a mature, reasonable way.
Carry on.
Been having some difficulty with the girl I'm taking to prom- one moment she'll seem like she really likes me, the next she seems to be on the complete other end of the spectrum.
Fun fun.
been there before.
elaborate.
Tonight while talking to my girlfriend about Hawaii, I came to the depressing realization that most if not all of Oceania will be submerged by rising ocean waters in the next 50 years, and I probably won't be able to see any of those islands before it happens. :sadpanda:
I. Don't. Have. Money.
I. Don't. Have. Money.
Doesn't yahweh take care of that shit for you people
and aren't you in law school or something
and you know what? one day, HOPEFULLY, the earth is going to be incinerated by the sun in an instant of absolute indifference
THAT is something I want to see, and I won't even live to see it happen. At least seeing a bunch of islands is feasible. Feel lucky.
Been having some difficulty with the girl I'm taking to prom- one moment she'll seem like she really likes me, the next she seems to be on the complete other end of the spectrum.
Fun fun.
been there before.
elaborate.
Haha, well, I've gotten her to sit with us during our lunch, I've walked her to her parents' car after soccer games/events/etc., walked with her in the hallways, and invited her to places to hang out and all the while she seems happy and such, but I'm not convinced. When we text and the like, she'll sometimes be incredibly responsive, while other times she'll send back a half-hearted reply or a simple "yeah haha" which, is, of course, a bad sign at points.
She's stayed for a few of my soccer games, and she's also told one of my friends who asked about me that "I was the sweetest guy she'd ever met" but, like I said, I'm not convinced, especially by her actions. She doesn't seem to like to initiate things, and she's not seeking me out in the hallways/after practice/etc. so I am kind of at a loss of what to do- leave her alone and just wait until prom, ask her what she wants from me, or continue as I am. Any way I go, I'm still going to have the short end of the stick as far as I can see.
Been having some difficulty with the girl I'm taking to prom- one moment she'll seem like she really likes me, the next she seems to be on the complete other end of the spectrum.
Fun fun.
been there before.
elaborate.
Haha, well, I've gotten her to sit with us during our lunch, I've walked her to her parents' car after soccer games/events/etc., walked with her in the hallways, and invited her to places to hang out and all the while she seems happy and such, but I'm not convinced. When we text and the like, she'll sometimes be incredibly responsive, while other times she'll send back a half-hearted reply or a simple "yeah haha" which, is, of course, a bad sign at points.
She's stayed for a few of my soccer games, and she's also told one of my friends who asked about me that "I was the sweetest guy she'd ever met" but, like I said, I'm not convinced, especially by her actions. She doesn't seem to like to initiate things, and she's not seeking me out in the hallways/after practice/etc. so I am kind of at a loss of what to do- leave her alone and just wait until prom, ask her what she wants from me, or continue as I am. Any way I go, I'm still going to have the short end of the stick as far as I can see.
I've been in a similar situation as you before bro, and it seems that its a pretty common thing too. Chances are, she does have an interest in you, and even though she's acting that way, and you feel uncertain, never, never, never act that way towards her. When I was in that situation, I began to act like I don't have much interest in her, which then made her think that I don't like her, which then made her as uncertain as me. Yeah, we both liked each other, but when we found out that we liked each other, it really didn't set a stable foundation for a relationship, and of course, we ended up falling apart.
Now I haven't spoken to her for over a year. Feelsbadman.
Anyways, try not to show that you're giving up. Even if it may seem like you have no chance left, just don't give up and treat her like a good friend and sooner or later you'll find out what her feelings are.
but I'm certainly not going to give up.
So long story short my job fired me because I couldn't work b/c of a religious/family reason.
Slight panic coming in.
So long story short my job fired me because I couldn't work b/c of a religious/family reason.
Slight panic coming in.
So long story short my job fired me because I couldn't work b/c of a religious/family reason.
Slight panic coming in.
Damn... You just can't catch a break at the moment, can you? Some good and encouraging vibes coming your way.
sorry for all the posts...
but... fuck... my only rock... the only person I can turn to through all of this... is her. I cry on her shoulder. That's not fucking right? is it? I have broken down 3 times in the past 12 hours... completely... balling... I dont cry. at all. and I have now lost it twice... with her right there... because she is the only person on earth i completely trust.
idk
and it really doesnt make me feel any better that her phone is being blown up with people wanting to comfort her... and I have 3 people who i had to herd together for myself. she has like 20 different people... i have 3.. plus one who lives on the other side of the country... who wont talk to me unless i go to them. i feel so fucking alone. thats why i have been posting here.
Man, I can't say that I can relate to what you're dealing with, but from what you have been posting, my heart really goes out to you, man. I can't imagine what it's like to go through all of that...I don't know what kind of advice to give you, but I will keep you in prayer. It's the best I can do.
2 year anniversary of my father's death.
fuck...
plus all this other shit...
fuck.
FUCK APRIL.
horrible month.
Does this just make me the biggest introvert ever?
I hate birthdays
last night turned into a huge fight. I called her out on the fact that, even though she is the person on earth I am closest to. the only person i truly trust... She basically blew me off when I was depressed and wanted to talk to her. Not about her and I, but about my dad. Like... I was in a bad place... worse I have been... and she didnt give a fuck. Through everything, she has been my BEST friend for the past 6 years... and for her not to even ask how I am doing... (none of my closest friends asked... when They all knew what the day was... ) It hurts. It hurt so bad that i almost fucking ended it. i fucking should have. but instead I just have a nice gash and bruise on my arm.
Um...dude, cutting yourself is not the way to go. I'd seek a therapist. Maybe they can help you through all this.
Here, let me just scribble something down here
mhm
yup
ok yeah here you go, a prescription for (2) testicles with a tall glass of Man Up And Take Charge Of Your Situation
I know I shouldn't let internet bullying get under my skin, but it bothers me somewhat that my choice of username alone has essentially ostracized me from the community entire.
I know I shouldn't let internet bullying get under my skin, but it bothers me somewhat that my choice of username alone has essentially ostracized me from the community entire.What community.
Not here; at Kongregate, the Valve forums, and this one called inthe00s.
Not here; at Kongregate, the Valve forums, and this one called inthe00s.
Yeah, it's just frustrating that whenever I try to branch out stupid shit like that gets in the way. I think I'm more disturbed by the reasoning given to me by one user in particular as to why he chose to pick me out and insult me, that reason being that it was fun. Now I know the internet is infested with trolls with low self-esteem and nothing better to do, but sometimes it just appalls me what sort of people our internet culture has given birth to. Sure there've always been bullies, even before the internet, but it's just somewhat saddening to see that. I don't see why making fun of someone else should ever be fun. Sure I've lashed out at people when angry but I never do it for entertainment.
I've been out of my rut for a few weeks now finally. The keys (for me anyway), are music, exercise, friends (real friends, no one shady), and hope. The attitude matters so much more than you would think. Instead of thinking "Life sucks, I'm going nowhere", tell yourself how lucky you are just to be alive and cherish the things you do have. Everything heals and gets better eventually, it's just a matter of time.
So I heard this is a thread where I can bitch and moan about my general depressive thoughts.Sup. *nods head in general direction*
Sup.
Has anyone here every just felt like fading off into obscurity? I don't know, it's a thought that's been crossing my mind a lot.
I feel less...human lately. I don't know how that makes any sense outside of my own thoughts, but it's how I feel.
Oh and here's some good advice, stop giving a fuck. :tup
Yeah, I have no human interaction aside from internet and husband and three kids. My parents are both dead, my brothers live all over the place and have their own lives, and I haven't had an actual friend who I knew well enough to pick up a phone and call for about 20 years, aside from one person who lives hours away who I used to be close to but who ended up breaking every written and unwritten rule of friendship.
Not one friend. Not one family member.
For 20 years.
My life consists of dicking aruond on the internet, cleaning up after other people, and running errands.
Checkmate, thread.
and if i was REALLY luck then maybe they would have shoved 12 Inches of Hard Cock in Asian Teen Anal Ass (NO EMAIL REQUIRED) Ebony Slut Teen Gets It Hardcore (19.95) BIG TIT BLONDE MILF PORNSTAR POV ANAL (8 views) Selling Your Car? Get Top Dollar $$$Cash$$$ Now (offer expires cash for tag and title necessary proof of insurance not required in most cases) BUSTY BABE BEACH BLOWJOB SEX AND CUM (next video>) Anal Cocktease And Squirting Slut Tennis Court Past Curfew (9.95*)Quoted in respect of the amount of work that post must have taken.18_Y/O_Kinky_Teen_Fingers_And_Muff_Dives.wmv (>>download now<<)
DTF Meet up in AZ?I'm thinking yes :millahhhh
Awwww yeah.DTF Meet up in AZ?I'm thinking yes :millahhhh
Awwww yeah.DTF Meet up in AZ?I'm thinking yes :millahhhh
I can't stand being human. I spent the past few days away from home doing everything short of getting completely wasted to keep my mind off her... but I can't control my dreams. As soon as I fall asleep, guess who is there haunting my dreams .... fucking shit....Natalie Portman?
I can't stand being human. I spent the past few days away from home doing everything short of getting completely wasted to keep my mind off her... but I can't control my dreams. As soon as I fall asleep, guess who is there haunting my dreams .... fucking shit.
...Natalie Portman?
;D
I don't know how to explain it, but somehow my mind always drifts back to all the things that depress me. No matter what I do. I either start thinking about this eternal sense of loneliness I can't seem to shake, or I think about how much I despise yet love certain people. I just have no idea what I'm doing anymore, nor do I know how to fully get my mind off of it.
I've ignored this thread for too long so time to post something really depressing.
...
I've been having suicidal thoughts regularly for the last week or so.
They're all oddly comforting in their own way. I don't think it's normal, but that's what they feel like.
I'm actually not even depressed or upset over them, but this feels like the right thread to post this in.
I've considered suicide before but nothing like extreme consideration, but I have often wondered about who would care if I commited suicide.
I've considered suicide before but nothing like extreme consideration, but I have often wondered about who would care if I commited suicide.
Thanks, guys.I might not be the best guy to be saying this but I know it won't be a permanent state of mind. If you ask me you are just simply not completely in tune with your own self (I know, I sound like a no good hippie. Shut up). A loss of perspective is a loss of wholeness in many cases (I am not an expert in this but whatever).
I've struggled with it plenty of times in the past and I've attempted it on several occasions.
This just feels different. I don't know. They just feel comforting but without any moroseness. It's like I'd fully accept it.
But I think I've established myself here enough so that everyone to knows I'm fucking weird in general, so it shouldn't be too surprising.
I am suspecting this is just a phase I'm going through and will pass soon. I hope it will at least.
I have no interest in suicide, whatsoever. Never have and never will, cause, really, life's too short as it is, and I wanna do shit, and such.
I have no interest in suicide, whatsoever. Never have and never will, cause, really, life's too short as it is, and I wanna do shit, and such.Yeah pretty much this for me :)
I have no interest in suicide, whatsoever. Never have and never will, cause, really, life's too short as it is, and I wanna do shit, and such.
i wont let you die a virgin.
Technically he never said he would do thatI have no interest in suicide, whatsoever. Never have and never will, cause, really, life's too short as it is, and I wanna do shit, and such.
i wont let you die a virgin.
Thank you for being willing to make me lose my virginity. You have no idea how much that means to me. ^^
I refuse to die before I see one of these bands in concert
System of a down
Pain of salvation
Arcade fire
Or some other of my favorite shitty music
I never thought I'd say this but now I sort of wish you had the ability to dieI refuse to die before I see one of these bands in concert
System of a down
Pain of salvation
Arcade fire
Or some other of my favorite shitty music
for me it's Pink Floyd.
I WILL NEVER DIE!
I never thought I'd say this but now I sort of wish you had the ability to dieI refuse to die before I see one of these bands in concert
System of a down
Pain of salvation
Arcade fire
Or some other of my favorite shitty music
for me it's Pink Floyd.
I WILL NEVER DIE!
Music really helps me cope with all of my nonstop insecurities and frustrations in life.Obviously no-one will judge you here for what music you listen to :) Or are you talking about real life?
I guess that's why most of my favorite artists all have gloomy lyrics--Emilie Autumn, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode. Heh... oh well. I love my music. I don't give a fuck if people judge me for it.
For me, oddly, depressing music cheers me up. I don't know why. I guess just knowing someone else is or was feeling down gives me a sense of consolation. I dunno, I'm weird like that.
Hey SD,
So, I was talking to Derp earlier, and I told him how we are talking again. He, as I, was happy to hear that. So, naturally I touched upon why you unfriended me in the first place: the past. Although we really didn’t get too deep into detail, it got me thinking about something I found to be interesting, and perhaps something for you to think about. Although you say history is something we can learn from, is nonetheless irrelevant to analyzing the present, I strongly disagree. The whole economics, history, and other such fields would strongly disagree with you on this point as well. But the one industry, which I want to touch upon in this email, which would strongly disagree with you, is the psychological industry.
Although I do not have a phd in psychology, I have known enough people majoring in it, I speak with a psychologist regularly during the school year, and have, surprisingly taken a lot of courses on the subject in both high school and college. Also, let us not forget, I do have a lot of background in economics, which is, by definition, a study of human action (psychological/sociological/etc). But to stay on point, the psychological industry would highly disagree with you because analyzing people, psychologically, requires knowledge of a person’s past, because the past of necessity influences their future behavior (i.e. how you were raised is a very strong indicator of how you will turn out in the future as an individual).
So, as the subject suggests, I wish to briefly talk about the dreaded “middle school days” and how that, I feel, has affected you today. I am going to, as I always request of you, stay very objective, stick to the factual actions that I have observed and also point to the speculations I have made.
Now, before I continue, let me point out that nothing in this email is to bash you in any way, I just thought this analysis was interesting and that perhaps you could get something out of it; if not, toss it and forget it.
So, as we know, your middle school days were pretty rough. I think it would be fair to say you were bullied at School and, from what I understand, and during high school as well. So, what is bullying? Well, according to the dictionary definition, to bully someone is to “use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.” I know that myself and others (Herp, Sherpa, etc) all teased you and had you do some silly things, just because you were easy to convince in this manner. Now, although you weren’t physically bullied, at least not by us (i.e. hung upside for your lunch money lol), you were emotionally bullied and forced into situations you probably would have wished you could’ve stayed away from. I don’t know exactly about high school, but perhaps you were but I don’t know.
In any case, you were clearly bullied at one time. Now, you can disagree with me, but I can, with certainty, tell you that the core ideology and belief behind a bully’s actions relies on force and control. These actions and beliefs may arise from a certain trigger, perhaps insecurities, peer pressure, etc, but nonetheless bullies are driven, philosophically, by control.
So, what did you do, per my observations, when you were bullied? Whom did you seek for comfort? Your parents. Your parents were your authority figures, who guided you intellectually during these times of bullying. I remember the situation at lunch one day when Herp took a joke too far, which sent you running to the office, crying to your mom that you didn’t want to return to school. My speculation is that you felt, amid all the bullying, your parents were your only true friends, the ones who never turned their back on you and never picked on you; this grew a great trust and sense of security for them.
So, you can tell me whether or not I missed something above, but let move on to the present day, and where does psychology play a role? Well, I can tell you from all my classes in psychology, human action, talking with a psychologist regularly, having multiple friends going into the field, using pure logic, and even watching educational shows and reading/hearing stories about the subject, that not always but a trend one can see amongst those who were bullied at a young age, end up being the bullies when they are older. Now, am I calling you a bully, in the social connotation of the word? No. Do I think that you go around, shoving people into lockers, taking their lunch money? No. But what have I, personally, observed over the years? And I am not just referring to today with your current political beliefs, I am referring to many different scenarios when I say that I have observed the same deep rooted belief in your outlook on life that would be found in a bully: control. I shall explain in a minute, but I have also observed that strong tie between you and authority that closely resembles that tie you had with your parents while being bullied.
First for control. This one can best be explained through the example of political beliefs, so I shall briefly touch upon that. We have our political difference, but lets be blunt here when talking about the specific difference: I believe in letting people live their lives how they wish, so long as they allow others to do the same. You, on the other hand, believe that whatever you have conjured up as being “correct,” you wish to see those beliefs be enforced through the coercion of the state. Again, lets be honest here, for a world to resemble your political beliefs, of necessity, you would have to force people to comply to your standards, no questions asked. You don’t want to pay taxes? Too bad. You wish to discriminate in your, privately owned protected by property rights, business? Too bad, I don’t agree so you’re not allowed. Oh, you don’t want to pay for government health care? Too bad, Obamacare here we come. And what happens if I don’t comply? I can probably expect to see armed federal agents pounding down my door to take me away to jail. And for what? Because I didn’t comply with your, let me emphasize YOUR, beliefs. Etc etc etc… You are for high regulation. Despite the fact, and you can fact check me on this, that the government has been dishing out 80,000 new pages of regulations over our lives, annually, on average, you wish that number to be higher. And, not surprisingly, a synonym for control (to get back to the bullying subject), is regulate.
When I ask you for your objective, provable justifications for your beliefs, you answer with “it just feels right to me.” When I say, “doesn’t it bother you that you have very little to no experience in the fields of study necessary to properly understand politics (i.e. business, finance, economics)?” You say no, and don’t show any indication of challenging not only the status quo in Washington, but the status quo in your mind. I am going to be blunt here again, but I don’t care how good your subjective justification is. I don’t care how warm and tingly you feel about your beliefs. Relatively, let me emphasize relatively, speaking I know for a fact I have more reason to be confident in my beliefs over you and your beliefs. If you don’t agree on this point, it would be like saying, Shithead should be more confident than the MD at Huron Valley Hospital about how to perform an operation on someone… This doesn’t make sense. I emphasized relatively because I am, by no means, a phd or a decades of experience backed economist. However, compared to you, I know I understand the field better than you. Again, this doesn’t mean I am right on everything, but in terms of being able to walk away and say, “hey, that person is experienced in what they’re talking about,” I surely have more experience than you in the supporting fields (economics, business, finance, etc).
So, why did I rant about all of that? This leads to my next point. Despite the clear disparity between our experience levels, you insist your beliefs are sound. To step aside from economics and politics for a second, I point to another scenario that occurred just before I was banned from your house years ago. We were down in your basement and talking about your fitness goals. To make a long story short, you told me your goals (gain muscle, burn fat) and I was like, “Great! Good for you.” Then I asked, “Hey! What’s your nutrition look like? You have got to be eating a lot of protein to be building up those muscles.” You replied, “Well, I have 4 meals over the course of a 16 hour day. I have a bowl of cereal in the morning, nothing big, and some apple juice. Then I have a salad for lunch. Then I work out, then a couple of hours later, I have a chicken breast and some rice for dinner, and then an hour before bed I have some healthy yogurt.” Now, I may have got some of the specific meals wrong, but the point is that you had 4 small ass meals, with only one meal really delivering any amount of protein in your day. I said, “Super Dude! You have got to eat way more than that, not nearly as much as I eat, but you got to eat more than that! Especially on the protein, you are getting like nothing…” Your response? “Well, my dad scheduled it for me and, well, you see my dad, he’s strong. So I know this will work.” Then we bickered for a bit, with it ending off in me going… “Ooook SD, we’ll see how far that gets you.” Hitherto, this was coming from a guy who was packing on muscle weekly, and although I wasn’t doing cardio to burn any fat, I think I kind of knew what I was talking about. But that’s fine, you have the right to do what you want. My point on this one is that I have noticed, and not just from this situation alone, that if your parents said anything about anything, not only did you follow it to a tee but also you immediately believed it. In terms of your outlook on life, I see this connection with our national authority, the federal government. It seems as if, despite factual opposition to things, you will take what the administration says, and you will take it to the grave, that is of course so long as it is from a liberal leader.
Now, I am going to wrap this up because its already horridly long, but I just thought I would share with you these thoughts. After pondering about your past, I realized the connection. And this runs true for anyone, your past plays a big role in your how you develop into the future. My parents told me at age 12, “If you want anything of importance to a teenager, i.e. a CAR, when you turn 16, you might want to start working now, because we sure as hell are not getting one for you.” Thus, I became independent at the age of 12 and started working at a bowling alley, below minimum wage, under the table pay, every weekend, sometimes pushing 25 hours. But the reason I became independent was because those incentives were put in place. I then pursued my self interest (I want a car when I turn 16) and bit the bullet to start working at age 12, something no one else was doing at that age. Today, I always have money on hand, a paid for car, I buy everything I need, I started my own business, and I am an independent, productive individual in society.
So, again, you can take this and ponder it yourself. You can say, wow Shithead nice story, and delete it, it doesn’t matter. But I know the matter of bullying in the past poses big issues for you, so I thought I would share my psychological take on it because I see a correlation, and maybe you will too.
Talk to you soon.
Thanks,
Shithead
From a "friend" of mine who was determined at the beginning of this summer to patch things up between us. We've been engaged in a number of political debates since then. Names have been replaced for anonymity.I think the flaw in Shithead's argument is that he's trying to tell you you're a bully by means of a thirteen-paragraph essay listing the precise reasons that you suck.QuoteHey SD,
I live in a universe where prefixing a massive essay with "I'm not being rude" means you're magically absolved of any rudeness.
Thanks,
Shithead
I would just like to point out from the get-go that the political ideas he accuses me of having are completely mischaracterized. I never said someone should be forced at gunpoint to prescribe to government programs.
you don't have to be a yes man for my saketrust me, I'm not.
I have to be honest, I feel the same. :P
you don't have to be a yes man for my saketrust me, I'm not.
I just don't like dickheads.I have to be honest, I feel the same. :P
you should reply with a troll email, that only contains this
(https://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_la283cGSs71qbm9t6.jpg)
When I get p*ssed off . I go play my drums
:)
I've missed my Zoloft for a couple days. Feeling positively terrible.
Used to, but I missed an appointment and am kinda scared to call.I've missed my Zoloft for a couple days. Feeling positively terrible.
Do you see a therapist?
I've been struggling lately. My mom lost her job about a month ago, so I've been working 45+ hours a week at my shitty job and spending the money I have saved for school to pay our bills.
And I'm still lonely.
:sadpanda:
Used to, but I missed an appointment and am kinda scared to call.I've missed my Zoloft for a couple days. Feeling positively terrible.
Do you see a therapist?
I'm not super depressed like I was a few weeks ago, but man do I feel lonely. It is so hard to find a gay guy in this school. I know its my senior year and I can wait, but I dunno... I just feel REALLY lonely.
I know it may not help much, but I echo what lonestar and reaperkk said. Dude, life after high school is way better. Of course, there will be some growing pains there as well, but the good outweighs the bad by far.
I'm not super depressed like I was a few weeks ago, but man do I feel lonely. It is so hard to find a gay guy in this school. I know its my senior year and I can wait, but I dunno... I just feel REALLY lonely.
I know it may not help much, but I echo what lonestar and reaperkk said. Dude, life after high school is way better. Of course, there will be some growing pains there as well, but the good outweighs the bad by far.
Wow, I just randomly happened upon this post earlier. I know I'm not super well known here, but I wanted to say thanks to anyone that had commented upon this and my other thread.
Here I am all of this time later 6 months into a relationship with the man of my dreams. I am so in love with him, and have never felt so good before :D
That sucks :-\ what class was it?Soothing the Beast Within 101.
That sucks :-\ what class was it?
AP Calculus BC
I have no one to talk to at this Goddamn university. I wake up, hit the gym, eat breakfast alone, go to class, then go right back to my dorm. I don't wanna go through 4 years of this bullshit with no one at all to talk to. I'll lose my mind, well, whatever is left of it at least.Talk to people in classes or miscellaneous people in your dorm. You never know, it could work.
This is what I feared was gonna happen, and whaddya know, it's happening.
I have no one to talk to at this Goddamn university. I wake up, hit the gym, eat breakfast alone, go to class, then go right back to my dorm. I don't wanna go through 4 years of this bullshit with no one at all to talk to. I'll lose my mind, well, whatever is left of it at least.Talk to people in classes or miscellaneous people in your dorm. You never know, it could work.
This is what I feared was gonna happen, and whaddya know, it's happening.
There's always opportunities to make friends, maybe you'll have to put in a bit of effort at first but it'll be worth it :) If randomly going up and talking to people isn't your thing (I know that's not for everyone) then maybe join some clubs where you can meet people with similar interests so you'll have a common ground, and you can also get to know your class mates. It's not nice being alone and having no one to talk to, so don't let it happen. I may not know you in real life but you seem like a really cool guy and I'm sure other people will see that. And if they don't, just seduce them with the hair! :laugh:
So, this girl I really REALLY liked turned out to like another guy
at first I was really pissed about it but then i got over it
but that shit really sucks in the short term
Thanks... I actually am going to this meeting tonight for a club involving a radio station, and I'm hoping that might be my ticket outta my dorm aside from classes and food. Then I could breathe a sigh of relief, and not even have to seduce them with it. The hair I mean.
I have no one to talk to at this Goddamn university. I wake up, hit the gym, eat breakfast alone, go to class, then go right back to my dorm. I don't wanna go through 4 years of this bullshit with no one at all to talk to. I'll lose my mind, well, whatever is left of it at least.
This is what I feared was gonna happen, and whaddya know, it's happening.
bleh
I'm not sure. I mean... I'm generally an unhappy person, so it's always a passing thought every day, but now it lingers. They just stay, and I just keep playing scenarios over and over in my head on how I could carry through with it and how much better everything would be afterwards.Wrong. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
I'm not sure if that answers your question, but I'm not sure how else to word.
I'm not sure. I mean... I'm generally an unhappy person, so it's always a passing thought every day, but now it lingers. They just stay, and I just keep playing scenarios over and over in my head on how I could carry through with it and how much better everything would be afterwards.
I'm not sure if that answers your question, but I'm not sure how else to word.
I have no idea what to do with myself. If I'm not constantly busy I'm thinking too much and that is NOT good.
I have no idea what to do with myself. If I'm not constantly busy I'm thinking too much and that is NOT good.
I can't stop despising myself. I really want to, but every time I feel I'm starting to get out of the depression I fuck up something or make a terrible mistake and go back to circle the drain.
the thought has to have a destination and can't be circular
I harbor secret envy and hatred towards my only friends for being better than me at things I've done for ten times as long.You know, I did that once, and it's not worth it. I'd kill to be able to play drums like a friend can, I played solid for 3 years, took a break and have tentatively stepped back in, where as he played rockband, got on a real drumset and could easily play for a pop/rock band as he's just a natural at learning. It doesn't stop me from giving my best and having fun. Don't sweat the small stuff like that in life.
I harbor secret envy and hatred towards my only friends for being better than me at things I've done for ten times as long.You know, I did that once, and it's not worth it.
Seriously worst week in a long time. Someone damaged my car this Wednesday in my work parking lot. Last night my sisters sweet cat died.
:( I haven't slept very well for a few days, that doesn't help either.
Eh I've tried it, but just the thought of never being able to really express myself and just living some bullshit existence depresses me. Then eventually I die and feel nothing and continue to feel that for all eternity.
I don't know what I want to do in life...
Everyone seems to be passionate about at least something, but I really can't get interested in a whole lot.
:smiley:
no problem
hopefully you'll all be able to get through this without any regrets/resentment
sadness
sadness
well all I can think of is giving your mother a call so she can hear your side of the story
maybe she'll lay down the law and set things straight with your sister :P
*accepts* thank you :) luckily I have the most incredible friends and a tiny but amazing family but I'm still a bit sick of my current situation.
Went to this Christmas turning on of lights thing in my city tonight with my nephew and brother and boyfriend and it was near the place my mum worked, I could have cried right there in the middle of a few thousand people celebrating because she should have been there with us, watching my nephew grow up and experiencing life, but instead she died due to an awful illness which ruined her life and feels like it almost ruined ours. I'm ok but I just miss her, you know? it's nearly a year now and I wish it wasn't going so fast, it's been too long since I last got to talk to her. /splurge
dude i've been diagnosed with depression by a few different doctors this year and it's shittyI think it goes quite a bit passed bored and disappointed. But really I only have myself to compare to so I can't really figure it out myself.
i've been in and out of therapy and medication and psychologists and shit and i absolutely hate everything that comes with it and i quit going to therapy after nothing worked so i am maybe not the best to give advice or anything but uh
yeah make sure with a doctor if you're actually depressed or just like
bored and disappointed
and then get ready for therapists to talk to you like you're eleven years old
See a therapist. Not a doctor. Not a psychologist. START with a therapist. Go from there.idk, maybe I should :/
:-\ Hope things get better for her man.
Right, not sure where this should go but what the fuck. I kinda fell like 'spiraling my life down the shitter' as you put it, drugs would be interesting. I have often wondered about trying them, but I guess I still have a morsel of common sense in me that says STAY THE FUCK AWAY. Although I know guys who can get hold of weed/MDMA etc and am worried one night when I'm fucking hammered will do them.
I have a million and one things fucking up my life right now ive probably already bitched about in here at some point. So this is just an observation. This is very stream of thought as I type btw.
I seem to have zero energy to do anything, at all. I just don't give a fuck about anything. Really. I occasionally have really crazy moments where i spout out the strangest shit or act very funny, all of which my friends find hilarious and joke about having ADHD, tourets whatever. I don't have any of those conditions and they don't really think so either. I also feel similar when I have a few drinks, everyone else I know just passes out and sleeps after a night out, I want more, a bigger thrill an endless night. Today I forced myself to get up early(ish) -9AM to make sure I am tired tonight - NOPE still sot gonna be a minute before 5 when I sleep. 3/4 if im lucky!
/vent
Well I say /vent there is a fuckton of shit i could say about the shit hole my existence is now :)
:-\ Hope things get better for her man.
Right, not sure where this should go but what the fuck. I kinda fell like 'spiraling my life down the shitter' as you put it, drugs would be interesting. I have often wondered about trying them, but I guess I still have a morsel of common sense in me that says STAY THE FUCK AWAY. Although I know guys who can get hold of weed/MDMA etc and am worried one night when I'm fucking hammered will do them.
I have a million and one things fucking up my life right now ive probably already bitched about in here at some point. So this is just an observation. This is very stream of thought as I type btw.
I seem to have zero energy to do anything, at all. I just don't give a fuck about anything. Really. I occasionally have really crazy moments where i spout out the strangest shit or act very funny, all of which my friends find hilarious and joke about having ADHD, tourets whatever. I don't have any of those conditions and they don't really think so either. I also feel similar when I have a few drinks, everyone else I know just passes out and sleeps after a night out, I want more, a bigger thrill an endless night. Today I forced myself to get up early(ish) -9AM to make sure I am tired tonight - NOPE still sot gonna be a minute before 5 when I sleep. 3/4 if im lucky!
/vent
Well I say /vent there is a fuckton of shit i could say about the shit hole my existence is now :)
What you're describing here sounds a lot like bipolar disorder. It's a form of manic depression where someone alternates between being depressed and being in a state of mania. The decreased need for sleep and spouting out words sounds a lot like hypomania/mixed episode. Check it out, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#Signs_and_symptoms
Thanks for the reply man, I am scared shitless this is the case my Dad is bipolar and it's not pretty! Tonight a friend also suggested this :/
Wow that's horrible. Being exposed like that makes everything much harder. I'm really sorry to hear that.Thank you :), I was also glad when everyone told him to leave personal matters out of a public forum, so I feel a bit better, but still..now everyone knows :-[
I've been outed before. Not for porn, but for other things. It's so uncomfortable. I mean, if it means anything, everyone's hiding something, and most people are mature enough to recognize that within themselves, so hopefully they'll still be friends to you.Well I started a "Men post your bra sizes" thread for comedic humor and it seems to be going well :P
What's the forum about? Obviously you are being open to us about it. So I imagine there's a good reason you don't want people over there to know about it?It's a pixel art forum, and there are a few members who are very, very, very easy to offend. We had a whole shit storm over Male Gaze and Feminism back in July, so while it's a fun forum, you kind of have to be careful on certain subjects or those few members rear their heads in anger. The reason why I can be open about it here is that everyone here is obviously much more lax and open on the subject, so I don't feel awkward about it here :P
Dude, you're a dude. Having porn is the norm, not the exception. I wouldn't worry.
I know, just some people you'd rather not tell :IDude, you're a dude. Having porn is the norm, not the exception. I wouldn't worry.
I know, just some people you'd rather not tell :IDude, you're a dude. Having porn is the norm, not the exception. I wouldn't worry.
Luckily everyone's been pretty chill about it, and surprisingly, it's a pretty young forum 13-late 20's at most. The Admin is only in his early 20s I believe. But yeah everybody just let it drop and no one's giving me shit so that's a good sign :)I know, just some people you'd rather not tell :IDude, you're a dude. Having porn is the norm, not the exception. I wouldn't worry.
I see no reason as to why not. Any contrary idea is absurd. I'd be willing to bet that some dudes on the forum are married...do they not have sex with their partners? I probably think not. It's natural for humans to want to do that shit and if you can't do it with a partner, most people (over 99% of guys) will turn to themselves.
Reality checks from my dad remind me of what a piece of shit I am.
I'm in fear of the future, particularly of failing to get into a university out of HS. Also, I realize more and more that I am probably just average, which means I was lied to by my family my entire life. Finally, I am the person in my family who LEAST needs to see a psychologist, but next week, I'm going to be seeing one on a regular basis. I am sane and not handicapped, and do not need a psychologist to know so.Hard to say if you were lied to. We only know our own experience. From what I know, my family and teachers always buttered me up, telling me I'm bright and smart. I think I am. But of course I think I am. It's really hard to say.
My family and probably the school will as well try to indicate to me that I am screwed out of going to college unless I have a cumulative of like 4.2 or something, like the Asians who are in all honors and stuff.
Most other students/people here tell me I'm quite fine with a GPA in the upper 3.Xs. Also, apparently, one can transfer to a university from a community college by doing real well there, whilst saving a good amount of money. Anyone here know more about that and whether it's true/a dependable method?
Why am I getting so anxious about school? Why couldn't I have been more concerned and have tried to be more responsable 2 years ago? (Good god do I sometimes kind of wish my family hadn't stopped being super strict with me about school when I entered high school. Or were Asian.) I am so dumb, in the sense that I get super worried about school sometimes, and then proceed to not care and half-ass things. I really don't like myself when I do that and I keep on doing that because I'm too lazy and unmotivated to stop being lazy and unmotivated. I mean, hot damn, my grandmother tried all through elementary and middle school emulating Asian parenting to teach me discipline and I LEARNED NOTHING FROM IT!
I'm still living at home at 25 because I'm either in school or unable to get a job capable of supporting myself on my own, and being around my family all the time is really starting to take its toll. I need to get out, and fast.
:sadpanda:
My family and probably the school will as well try to indicate to me that I am screwed out of going to college unless I have a cumulative of like 4.2 or something, like the Asians who are in all honors and stuff.Yep. I don't know how it is around the country, but definitely where we're from, the community college route is not only cheaper, but it increases your chances of getting accepted by colleges.
Most other students/people here tell me I'm quite fine with a GPA in the upper 3.Xs. Also, apparently, one can transfer to a university from a community college by doing real well there, whilst saving a good amount of money. Anyone here know more about that and whether it's true/a dependable method?
Why am I getting so anxious about school? Why couldn't I have been more concerned and have tried to be more responsable 2 years ago? (Good god do I sometimes kind of wish my family hadn't stopped being super strict with me about school when I entered high school. Or were Asian.) I am so dumb, in the sense that I get super worried about school sometimes, and then proceed to not care and half-ass things. I really don't like myself when I do that and I keep on doing that because I'm too lazy and unmotivated to stop being lazy and unmotivated. I mean, hot damn, my grandmother tried all through elementary and middle school emulating Asian parenting to teach me discipline and I LEARNED NOTHING FROM IT!
DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO ME A FEW DAYS AGO.
Yep. I don't know how it is around the country, but definitely where we're from, the community college route is not only cheaper, but it increases your chances of getting accepted by colleges.
You can transfer to other unis from CCs, but do be aware that it is not always smooth process (i.e. go to CC for two years, transfer to a UC or other uni for another two years). Getting the classes you need at a CC can be a serious bitch, and basically every CC student I know will take more than four years to get their degree. Of course, it's much cheaper and so easier to support yourself there than at a university.
However, you can definitely still get into a UC with a GPA in the upper 3s, so don't fret about that.
I realized that I'm not getting married or having a family. It's just not going to happen. :/
Through a minute of self-reflection, how did I get from such a high place to such a low one? Crap, the evening's ruined.
I have no interest in having a family. Could take it or leave marriage. So, I can't really relate to you, H. Try not to get so down. And also, don't be so sure you're not going to be able to get something. That sort of mindset leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.Once again, it's behaviour like this that has caused me to see a counselor through my school. I can't quite say I have a good fix for it, but it really is very much about controlling your thought patterns by coming up with new things to replace the negative with. Especially when you get yourself in a never ending circle of irrational thoughts like "I'll be alone forever".
Question: Any of y'all have to deal with an panic-y, neurotic side that irrationally ends up dominating your good, rational side when stressed or worried? If so, what are some things you do to let reason prevail and your logical side maintain control?
I realized that I'm not getting married or having a family. It's just not going to happen. :/
Through a minute of self-reflection, how did I get from such a high place to such a low one? Crap, the evening's ruined.
I realized that I'm not getting married or having a family. It's just not going to happen. :/
Through a minute of self-reflection, how did I get from such a high place to such a low one? Crap, the evening's ruined.
Dude, you´re 20 frigging years old! Hell, at that age, I hadn´t even had my first gf, let alone a sexual relationship!
Things happen when they happen, the way they happen and when you LEAST expect them to happen, is my experience.
Yup, can't say how many people say this, and it's so true for me. Of my two most serious relationships, one was completely unexpected right up to when it started, and the other happened almost on accident (and ended in marriage :lol ).I realized that I'm not getting married or having a family. It's just not going to happen. :/
Through a minute of self-reflection, how did I get from such a high place to such a low one? Crap, the evening's ruined.
Dude, you´re 20 frigging years old! Hell, at that age, I hadn´t even had my first gf, let alone a sexual relationship!
Things happen when they happen, the way they happen and when you LEAST expect them to happen, is my experience.
Wisdom
Feeling a little down lately because it's dawned on me that I am graduating in college and there are so many ways my future could go. Just a little scared and worried I guess that they won't go the way I want them to. If anyone here has ever felt like this before, a PM or reply would mean a great deal right now.
Feeling a little down lately because it's dawned on me that I am graduating in college and there are so many ways my future could go. Just a little scared and worried I guess that they won't go the way I want them to. If anyone here has ever felt like this before, a PM or reply would mean a great deal right now.
I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. :( and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.I'm sorry to hear that. :/
I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. :( and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.Did what I think happened, happen?
I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. :( and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.Did what I think happened, happen?
I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. :( and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.
Sorry Adami...hope you pull through it. I believe you have the strength to get through.I have not been this depressed in a god damn long time. Truly heart broken. :( and the one person who I could have talked to about it is the reason I'm so heart broken. No anger, just depression.Did what I think happened, happen?
Unless you think zombies ate my mom or something, then yes I would say probably so.
Thanks guys. I know I'll get through, but it's going to be a tough road for a while. I talked to her literally every day, for 5 months or so. And now I have to adjust to essentially not having anyone to talk to. And I promised her, for her sake (since there was a big issue with her family over it) that I wouldn't contact her, so I have to keep fighting the urge to tell her how much I care about her and love her.That sounds tough. It's one thing to be heartbroken but able to fight it off through anger, but when it's something circumstantial that comes up like this, there's no appropriate response but depression. =/
Lately I've been doing that thing where I put my head between my elbows with my hands raised and apply pressure with my arms for 5 to 10 minutes, better done on a carpeted floor. I do that when I feel like crying and it works to prevent crying. Yesterday and the day before it resulted in nose bleeds and subsequent oversleep, which sucks cause the whole point of this is to keep the depression hidden, usually something I'm a master at.
Lately I've been doing that thing where I put my head between my elbows with my hands raised and apply pressure with my arms for 5 to 10 minutes, better done on a carpeted floor. I do that when I feel like crying and it works to prevent crying. Yesterday and the day before it resulted in nose bleeds and subsequent oversleep, which sucks cause the whole point of this is to keep the depression hidden, usually something I'm a master at.
Jesus dude, just cry.
Adami, I'd love to come in here and give you some awesome advice to cheer you right up but I don't know the whole situation and rather than asking a heap of nosy questions, I'll just say I'm sorry you're still in a bad place over this and I hope things pick up soon. I'm only a pm away if you wanna chat though. Many internet hugs :heart
Been really fighting lately trying to keep my mind at ease.
Not one to normally get depressed , but on 04/09 my ex-wife( my best friend and companion) in this world passed from cancer. I now am trying to raise 3 teenage boys by myself and have to keep my head clear for multiple reasons
I am a recovering alcoholic and one slip will more than likely send me spiralling out of control , causing me to lose the kids as well. Secondly the kids or I should say my oldest (17) is fighting me tooth an nail over everything since his mom passed. Everytime I tell him he can't do something or I have prior plans he throws it in my face that his mom would have let him or he made these so-called arrrangements with her before she passed, which I know is a load of bullshit, because she always kept me informed of what arrangements she made with him.
He's really pushing me to the point where I want to pack his bags for him and tell him if the world is so cherry outside OUR house, heres your shit get out I don't need the aggravation and find out for yourself just how good you have it at home.
Nearly wiped out my savings to get my car fixed today. It's not a good day.
Earlier this month my ex asked me if I'd go to prom with one of her friends as buddies, and at first I was alright with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a bad idea, so today I told her I couldn't, as the month went along she and her friend just kept assuming I was going and kept asking me what I would wear and if I'd pick her up and crap, and it just really pissed me off that she was planning on stuff without even asking me, so yeah.. this along with the fact that this one place that wants to interview for a job keeps putting me off and keeps asking me to come back when I've told them multiple times that I'm up in school M-F. I came in this morning after calling this past Friday and telling them I could come in this morning, as my classes didn't start til 11, I sat there for 10 minutes, and the manager just had the front desk clerk tell me she can't see me today, come in tomorrow or call again. WHAT THE FUCK, IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HIRE PEOPLE ASAP AS YOU TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE, FUCKING INTERVIEW ME AND QUIT STALLING.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. :sadpanda:
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. :sadpanda:
I just need to check in somewhere. As most of you know, I got sober last year after thirty years of drinking and drugging. For the most part it's been great, but I am finding one this really fucking hard to deal with, and it is getting worse. My substance abuse habits were a product of an abusive childhood, and the emotions that I was drowning are all coming to the surface now. I have no control over them, they are tired of hiding and waiting, they need to be felt. It started a few weeks ago, as a subtle rise in me, and exploded yesterday. After a two hour long blowout, I was able to calm down with a friend's help, but now I am just feeling lost and empty, like the basis of all I am is gone, and I have to build anew. I feel guilty when I dump it on friends, it's some really heavy shit, and I care too much about them to hand them that type of crap. I know I got a long, slow road of more recovery ahead of me, but damn is it really hard sometimes. I do see a therapist btw, and work a heavy recovery, and they help, but the hours in between get overwhelming. Part of me looks forward to this, getting to relearn all the bad ideas I believed about myself, being a bit more positive on a day to day basis, but the road to that scares the shit out of me. As with everything else, I can only take it one day at a time.
Thanks for letting vent, I needed to get it out. I haven't been posting much, my heart just isn't in it, and this is why. Love you guys.
Thanks Deb. :heart
For the past few months (since before I moved out), I've been thinking about death a lot. Not suicide, mind you. Not a feeling of wanting to end my own life, but more of a feeling of not caring should it happen. I'll be going down the freeway thinking about the odds of survival if I get into an accident. Wondering how long I would be in the hospital if I got sick or injured. I'd never do anything to cause that, and I have no desire to at all.
I'm not the type of guy to do things for attention, and the thought of doing anything visibly out of the ordinary like cutting (ouch), asking for help, etc. is not appealing in any way. The thought of popping a couple pills to feel better, be functional, and without anyone knowing sounds very appealing.
I don't know how much of a healing it would be but I've got a surprise for you.. You'll probably hear from me during the weekend!
Thanks for the hugs ladies ... if only they were more than just an emot. :-\
Jay, I know things like money are tight, but you've gone through some real tough and rather unique issues, and it might help you to talk to a professional counselor. They are trained in helping people deal with these issues.
Thanks for the hugs ladies ... if only they were more than just an emot. :-\
Deb... no, I have a job and it's secure - at least until the company decides that *this* strategy isn't working out. That's part of the problem. The area I work in is focused on activities that are long-term and strategic. The benefits we're working on won't pay off for a long time ... 12+ months. So, as long as the business has the patience and wherewithal to see it through, it will eventually pay off. Our group President says all the right things that we're committed to this, and need to make it work, but then every 8-12 months, shit hits the fan and we have to shuffle the deck on our structure. We went through a 3% reduction in people yesterday, which sucks... and one of my team-mates who I really got along well with got left on the outs. He got screwed, and it pisses me off.
Not sure if I'm making much sense to anyone here, but that's what's going on with work.
Tricia... I'm the kind of person that lives by the mantra of 'keep your promises', so the next time I'm in town... I'm buying you and Adam dinner if you're free.
and Chad, you know how to reach me if you want/need to. Cell phone is always a better bet than the office phone.
As some of you know I lost my best friend/ex-wife (I know those 2 are normally seen together) 5 months ago to cancer. I am a single father of 3 teenage boys, I guess with all the chaos after her passing and trying to be as stable as I could for the boys the entire grief/bereavement process never kicked in . Now that things have settled down and the kids are back too school I have been in a major funk (depressed/on edge/ my emotions are all over the fuckin place)
Anyone know of any on-line support groups ?
My job and new role of single parent really doesn't leave me any time for face to face counseling or therapy groups
As some of you know I lost my best friend/ex-wife (I know those 2 are normally seen together) 5 months ago to cancer. I am a single father of 3 teenage boys, I guess with all the chaos after her passing and trying to be as stable as I could for the boys the entire grief/bereavement process never kicked in . Now that things have settled down and the kids are back too school I have been in a major funk (depressed/on edge/ my emotions are all over the fuckin place)
Anyone know of any on-line support groups ?
My job and new role of single parent really doesn't leave me any time for face to face counseling or therapy groups
I know you feel that you dont have the time, but I will still suggest that you still try to get face to face counseling. There is no substitute and it is an investment in your future mental health, which is an investment in your kids mental health.
I hope you can find a way to do it, and wether you can or cant, I wish you get well soon.
The black pit of depression, as someone who experienced it before...and still do to lesser degrees on occasion, is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
As some of you know I lost my best friend/ex-wife (I know those 2 are normally seen together) 5 months ago to cancer. I am a single father of 3 teenage boys, I guess with all the chaos after her passing and trying to be as stable as I could for the boys the entire grief/bereavement process never kicked in . Now that things have settled down and the kids are back too school I have been in a major funk (depressed/on edge/ my emotions are all over the fuckin place)
Anyone know of any on-line support groups ?
My job and new role of single parent really doesn't leave me any time for face to face counseling or therapy groups
Deb... :'( :angry: That fuckin sucks. Don't know what to say, as I've been blessed not to have cancer touch me that much (father had a couple of not-so-serious bouts, and is cancer free).
:hug: Wish I could actually be there for you... all of you actually.
My LSAT score is basically stuck at a 160. In order for me to get into what were going to be my safety schools, I need a 161 at least. To get into the places I really wanted, I need a 164 or 167. I just can't get it for some reason.
starting to feel like i can't do the things i've set out to do.Elaborate?
starting to feel like i can't do the things i've set out to do.
My LSAT score is basically stuck at a 160. In order for me to get into what were going to be my safety schools, I need a 161 at least. To get into the places I really wanted, I need a 164 or 167. I just can't get it for some reason.
I don't know anything about LSAT scores, but how big of a difference is 160 from 161 or a 164/7?
@Super Dude - What level are your "safety schools"? Based on a quick internet search, 160 is still well above normal, possibly 1 standard deviation. It's not like your hopes and dreams are shattered. One of the really shitty things that I'm going to encounter in a few years when I start getting students to advise is I'm going to have some pre-med majors that I'm going to have to have an unpleasant talk to because they have unreasonable expectations for themselves based on their current accomplishments. If you know specifically what kind of law you want to do, there are still probably ways to get there even if it means going to a school that isn't exactly one of your top choices. You might have to beat down doors to get a specific internship, engage in some kind of community advocacy, or maybe even take a job clerking for a year to get some experience before taking the test again. While doing that though, I think you should take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you can honestly do better. It's a shitty assessment, but we are all limited. Part way through my graduate career, I recognized that I wasn't going to be able to compete for top level entry jobs. I had to make peace with that. I can't tell you whether or not you've topped out, but your professors probably can. They can also probably tell you what you can or need to do get what you want right now. But life is all about changing your expectations, there are lots of things that at some earlier point in my life I wanted that I never got or have had to lower my expectations. I'm not trying to be negative with you because I honestly don't know you outside of DTF, I'm just asking you to make an honest assessment of yourself (privately). Again, 160 isn't career suicide, its a well above average score.
@Adami - How close are you to finishing up your schooling? Everyone is looking for work, no one is going to begrudge you for taking any job you can find. Anything that keeps the bills paid is a good job, and most jobs are important to a functioning society. Slingin' shushies at the quiky mart is a hell of a lot better than panhandling.
starting to feel like i can't do the things i've set out to do.Elaborate?
starting to feel like i can't do the things i've set out to do.Elaborate?
i have some habits that i need to break in order to do the things i want to do in life.
Met the oral surgeon today, he took a look and doesnt believe it to be cancer, most like a callous inside my mouth, from years of drinking and smoking.
They did a biopsy anyway to be safe should know in a day or 2
Adami ...I've been drug free for 18 years alcohol free for 3 years....smoking is my only vice, but yes intend to quit that as well
With only a week to go until the real thing, my LSAT practice test score has not only not increased, it's gone down.
The more times you take it, even if you get a higher score, the worse of a reflection it is on the application. As some admissions board members explained at a law board I attended, by round three they assume you got a good score because you've done the test so many times, not because you actually improved.Do you have to tell them you took the test before?
The more times you take it, even if you get a higher score, the worse of a reflection it is on the application. As some admissions board members explained at a law board I attended, by round three they assume you got a good score because you've done the test so many times, not because you actually improved.Do you have to tell them you took the test before?
So I've been having work done on my teeth since June... 13 cavities filled and now wisdom teeth extracted. It does serve me right for not going to a dentist for so long. It's really draining on me right now. I haven't felt normal or had a painless mouth day in at least a month. The past two weeks have been incredibly hard. When do I go back to normal and get to eat something without being in pain? When can I have a restful night without having to wake up and take pain meds or get an ice pack? I just want to be normal again!
That sucks Deb. Worse still when it's a parent (as I'm going through).
Well, I guess I got some confirmation today of some depressing news....per january first next year, I'll be out of a job.
I guess I already knew it was coming, but there was a minicule chance my contract would get prolongued...or however you say that.
Oh well, it was nice while it lasted....next!
I hate to do the cryptic girl thing, honestly, but... really sad about not being able to chat with a good friend.I hate it when that happens *hugs you*
I hate to do the cryptic girl thing, honestly, but... really sad about not being able to chat with a good friend.I hate it when that happens *hugs you*
I want something to smash with my bare hands.
Not really angry or depressed, but I have this student that tries very hard and still has crappy test scores. He comes to my office for extra help more than other students, in the classroom he seems to get it and is active in discussion, but when test day rolls around it's disasterpiece theater. This is the worst part of my job.
Not really angry or depressed, but I have this student that tries very hard and still has crappy test scores. He comes to my office for extra help more than other students, in the classroom he seems to get it and is active in discussion, but when test day rolls around it's disasterpiece theater. This is the worst part of my job.
Not really angry or depressed, but I have this student that tries very hard and still has crappy test scores. He comes to my office for extra help more than other students, in the classroom he seems to get it and is active in discussion, but when test day rolls around it's disasterpiece theater. This is the worst part of my job.You teach organic chemistry, right? If so, that would explain the low test scores. That stuff is hard. In my experience, I "got it" when walking through it slowly and conceptually. For example, if I was going through the section on electrophilic aromatic substitution, I pretty much was able to predict how each reaction that follows that mechanism was going to go. But when test time rolled around and I had to synthesize (no pun intended) a ton of information, it blew me down.
(https://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/mad/mad0245.gif)
I hear ya bro. Every time things seem to be looking up, shit hits the fan. Sucks when that shit is totally out of your control, and totally illogical/irrational.
Really not doing too well. I have all sorts of physical/mental symptoms of being kicked in the ass by life, I can't focus on anything and I've been kicking myself in the ass too and crying periodically since this morning for realizing I am not doing too well at all and that I've been in denial (sorry for being vague, this is just the most I can do right now) and the last person I vented to - no, the person who technically overheard what I told to the last person I vented to - brushed it off as angsty teen bullshit.I wish I could offer you real solace but all I can say is try to realize each day presents an opportunity to start fresh. Today you feel depressed. Believe tomorrow will be better. Hold on to that hope. Don't let your demons beat you!
I need a picture of something happy please.
Really not doing too well. I have all sorts of physical/mental symptoms of being kicked in the ass by life, I can't focus on anything and I've been kicking myself in the ass too and crying periodically since this morning for realizing I am not doing too well at all and that I've been in denial (sorry for being vague, this is just the most I can do right now) and the last person I vented to - no, the person who technically overheard what I told to the last person I vented to - brushed it off as angsty teen bullshit.
I need a picture of something happy please.
Really not doing too well. I have all sorts of physical/mental symptoms of being kicked in the ass by life, I can't focus on anything and I've been kicking myself in the ass too and crying periodically since this morning for realizing I am not doing too well at all and that I've been in denial (sorry for being vague, this is just the most I can do right now) and the last person I vented to - no, the person who technically overheard what I told to the last person I vented to - brushed it off as angsty teen bullshit.
I need a picture of something happy please.
Really not doing too well. I have all sorts of physical/mental symptoms of being kicked in the ass by life, I can't focus on anything and I've been kicking myself in the ass too and crying periodically since this morning for realizing I am not doing too well at all and that I've been in denial (sorry for being vague, this is just the most I can do right now) and the last person I vented to - no, the person who technically overheard what I told to the last person I vented to - brushed it off as angsty teen bullshit.
I need a picture of something happy please.
No regular work is really starting to get to me, mentally. I'm over-educated and under-qualified to do anything validating. I think I might be going nowhere in life, and probably can't control that anyway. I feel like I need help, but I don't know where to go for it, or how to get it, or even what kind of help I need. :(
I had a two (2!) hour interview last week, which I felt like went great, with everyone smiling and laughing and shit. I've tried to follow up a few times since then, and I've gotten no acknowledgement what so ever. No response via phone or e-mail. This is fucking gay!
I might have to do another master's degree. Maybe I should just starting looking for PhD programs. I guess I should be thankful that I still have my 'rents around supporting me.
Dumbass arguments fucking suck! Why do people who supposedly love you lurch on to one portion of one sentence ... completely misunderstand it, get pissed about what they think you said, and then refuse to hear the 18 ways you try to clarify what the comment really meant.
Nice fucking evening I did not have.
FML.
He said he wants a blow job. You might not want to hug him, he might get attached. :lol
He said he wants a blow job. You might not want to hug him, he might get attached. :lol
He said he wants a blow job. You might not want to hug him, he might get attached. :lol
Seneca and Elite wanted the hummers. I was just playing matchmaker.
He said he wants a blow job. You might not want to hug him, he might get attached. :lol
agh...I got the Christmas thread and this one mixed up :lol
HAd my 90 day review on Monday. It's not going so well. I'm barely paying for myself and I'm not making my boss any money. So, basically, if I don't make money this month, I'm looking for a new job. Goddammit. I've also been drinking a lot. Just not a good week.
HAd my 90 day review on Monday. It's not going so well. I'm barely paying for myself and I'm not making my boss any money. So, basically, if I don't make money this month, I'm looking for a new job. Goddammit. I've also been drinking a lot. Just not a good week.
I'd suggest not doing so much of the tiny text stuff. Really doesn't help at all.
Hence my suggestion to stop. I mean, it's up to you. But it's just making things worse for you, you know....strictly from a psychological, neurological, biological and chemical perspective. So just imo.
Hence my suggestion to stop. I mean, it's up to you. But it's just making things worse for you, you know....strictly from a psychological, neurological, biological and chemical perspective. So just imo.
Actually, I had the review last Monday. I was able to stay away from the stuff for a couple of days, but it's been able to sucker me back into it.
Hence my suggestion to stop. I mean, it's up to you. But it's just making things worse for you, you know....strictly from a psychological, neurological, biological and chemical perspective. So just imo.
Hence my suggestion to stop. I mean, it's up to you. But it's just making things worse for you, you know....strictly from a psychological, neurological, biological and chemical perspective. So just imo.
Care to explain? I'm also starting to feel uncomfortable with the regularity of my drinking. (Not necessarily the quantity-- I don't drink a lot, but I drink almost every day)
Dude, I realize this is you're area. I'm not gonna jump on you because you say something unpopular. For what it's worth, I think I'm feeling a lot of what you're saying. I usually limit myself to 1-2 drinks per day, but I still feel like I don't know why I do it, and should be able to get through without drinking a few days a week (which I can, I think, but I don't, because drinking is always an option and, shit, beer is so much better than juice).
One of the reasons I wasn't loved by my supervisor when I was a substance abuse counselor was because I didn't like telling others what to do or not to do. So I just educated them and offered any help if they wanted it. But if they wanted to keep drinking, I didn't tell them not to, just like I won't tell you not to. If you need any advice or help or have any questions, you are free to PM me. But whether or not you, or snapple or half the board drink is totally your guys' call.
One of the reasons I wasn't loved by my supervisor when I was a substance abuse counselor was because I didn't like telling others what to do or not to do. So I just educated them and offered any help if they wanted it. But if they wanted to keep drinking, I didn't tell them not to, just like I won't tell you not to. If you need any advice or help or have any questions, you are free to PM me. But whether or not you, or snapple or half the board drink is totally your guys' call.
Unless they're going to physically harm someone, I don't really think a counselor should tell people what to do.
Well, I think your supervisor is probably in the minority. In every class I've taken, every class my wife has taken (she's going into art therapy - and her elective credits have all been 300+ level psych classes) and every psychology professor/professional we have ever talked to has said "don't tell patients what to do". Instead, ask them if there are goals they can accomplish etc. etc. you know more about this than I do personally.
My boss is doing an interview right now and I can actually hear him throwing me under the bus. Fuck that.
My boss is doing an interview right now and I can actually hear him throwing me under the bus. Fuck that.
hijack the bus. Run the dirt bag over.
Wow, that sucks. Do you think you're going to get canned pretty soon?
That's the reason why I never even think about taking jobs that are paid based on commission.It's salary+commission. The salary is enough to pay the bills.
I feel a bit apprehensive about posting this kinda thing, but what the hell. Bumpity bump.
To put it bluntly, for a while now I've had an unshakable feeling that I have no reason to get up in the morning. I'm unemployed, dropped my classes, can't get myself to write any decent music, and have run out of ideas as to what to do with my life. I can't find real joy or motivation in anything I used to. Guitar isn't even fun anymore. I have a few friends whom I don't see more than once a week maybe (aside from my roommate), and I haven't dated anybody in seven years. My day typically consists of browsing the web, some gaming, TV, and then a long walk to a usual coffee joint (where I just read and browse on my netbook), and home again. I have started going to my parents house for dinner several nights a week simply 'cause I have nothing else to do, and few others to talk to. Needless to say money's running low, but that's the least of my worries, frankly. This has been going on for months now. I wouldn't consider myself suicidal or anything like that. But life kinda sucks right now. I just feel shitty about myself all the time.
That is all. Had to get it out somewhere. :millahhhh
I feel a bit apprehensive about posting this kinda thing, but what the hell. Bumpity bump.Yeah man, that's tough to hear. Well, the one thing you can count on in life is that it changes. For better or worse. But you do have an influence in which direction it'll go.
To put it bluntly, for a while now I've had an unshakable feeling that I have no reason to get up in the morning. I'm unemployed, dropped my classes, can't get myself to write any decent music, and have run out of ideas as to what to do with my life. I can't find real joy or motivation in anything I used to. Guitar isn't even fun anymore. I have a few friends whom I don't see more than once a week maybe (aside from my roommate), and I haven't dated anybody in seven years. My day typically consists of browsing the web, some gaming, TV, and then a long walk to a usual coffee joint (where I just read and browse on my netbook), and home again. I have started going to my parents house for dinner several nights a week simply 'cause I have nothing else to do, and few others to talk to. Needless to say money's running low, but that's the least of my worries, frankly. This has been going on for months now. I wouldn't consider myself suicidal or anything like that. But life kinda sucks right now. I just feel shitty about myself all the time.
That is all. Had to get it out somewhere. :millahhhh
not looking forward to tomorrow at all
7 months ago I lost my best friend (ex-wife) to cancer, not a day goes by that I don't think about her in one way or another. Tomorrow would have been her 38th birthday. Just so confused about the whole thing do I mention it to the kids(although I'm sure they know) do we celebrate what would have been her birthday? Do we just ignore it and treat it like another day?
OK, time to let this shit out.
Today I hit a year and a half clean and sober, the longest stretch without any mind altering substance since I was eleven. And life isn't making it easy.
Three weeks ago, my roommate and best friend for the last eight years had a fall and hit his head. It bled on his brain for a week unchecked. He continued to work, visit his parents, nobody noticed anything. Then the delerium set in and he crashed his car going down the wrong way of a busy street. It took him a week before he was able to recognize his parents again, and his recovery will be very long and arduous. Barring an absolute miracle, he will be living with his parents for the next year or so, and there is no telling how much he will get back.
Today, I am going to have to start clearing him out of the house. His parents are helping for another couple months with the bills, but then I will need to find another roommate or move. I am also in dire financial straits due to the damage caused by thirty years of aggressive drug abuse and alcoholism. The money is going out everywhere, and there is no room in my life for a second job.
Needless to say, I am hitting my end, it is all so overwhelming. Just the thought of going through the fridge and throwing out his food kills me. I can't even think of another person living here, but I do love my place.
This is all so fucking hard. l'm scared of what's to come. I am insecure in my ability to handle it all. Next to my daughter being in the hospital fighting for her life, nothing can come close to the struggle I am facing. And there is no getting away from it, every aspect of my life, he is involved in. Everywhere I go, people want to know how he is, what his progress is, and all I can do is tell the truth. I am getting spiritually worn from dissapointing people who want to hear good news, tired of seeing broken faces and tears. I am tired.
I won't be drinking today. And tomorrow really doesn't look good for the drink either. If I pick up a drink, all bets are off, my life is over.
Time to start cleaning, to start rebuilding anew. I will need all your love, strength, and support.
I love you guys, thanks for being a calming presence in my life.
one day at a time, one moment at a timeCovered man. Having dinner with a group of guys tonight, then the big stag meeting. No sponsee at the moment, my one guys relapsed and went back into rehab. Also got numerous friends and family who are there for me always.
hit a meeting....get your sponsor or even a sponsee involved..don't do it alone
Faye :hug:
RJ :heart :hug:
And thanks Akasha, you're awesome. :heart
Quote
And thanks Akasha, you're awesome. :heart
Your pretty awesome yourself, lonestar. :heart There is very few people I let talk to me like you did last night.
Deb :heart
Faye :heart
Thank you both ladies, you gals are wonderful.
Quote
And thanks Akasha, you're awesome. :heart
Your pretty awesome yourself, lonestar. :heart There is very few people I let talk to me like you did last night.
Oh please be a girl.
Quote
And thanks Akasha, you're awesome. :heart
Your pretty awesome yourself, lonestar. :heart There is very few people I let talk to me like you did last night.
Quote
And thanks Akasha, you're awesome. :heart
Your pretty awesome yourself, lonestar. :heart There is very few people I let talk to me like you did last night.
Oh please be a girl.
I was the last time I looked!
I feel a bit apprehensive about posting this kinda thing, but what the hell. Bumpity bump.
To put it bluntly, for a while now I've had an unshakable feeling that I have no reason to get up in the morning. I'm unemployed, dropped my classes, can't get myself to write any decent music, and have run out of ideas as to what to do with my life. I can't find real joy or motivation in anything I used to. Guitar isn't even fun anymore. I have a few friends whom I don't see more than once a week maybe (aside from my roommate), and I haven't dated anybody in seven years. My day typically consists of browsing the web, some gaming, TV, and then a long walk to a usual coffee joint (where I just read and browse on my netbook), and home again. I have started going to my parents house for dinner several nights a week simply 'cause I have nothing else to do, and few others to talk to. Needless to say money's running low, but that's the least of my worries, frankly. This has been going on for months now. I wouldn't consider myself suicidal or anything like that. But life kinda sucks right now. I just feel shitty about myself all the time.
That is all. Had to get it out somewhere. :millahhhh
just a follow up.....Yesterday was my ex-wife/best friends birthday (she passed away in April) I was in a pretty much depressed mood all day, couldn't stop thinking about her . Was concerned about how the kids were taking it (I'm out the door at 4:30 am and don't get home until 7 pm) .
Got home last night, kids were doing what kids usually do (TV computer game systems) sat down on the couch and started going thru the mail...all the typical stuff, junk mail and bill or two than I came across an envelope from some religious organization. I'm not big into religion , had a falling out many years ago, but during my sobriety I have started to lean back towards a belief of a higher being. As i open the envelope there is a letter attached , it opens " During your trying times..........." and it included a cross on a keychain.
What are the odds of this arriving on her birthday?
back to normal which in my world means I can concentrate on my "one day at a time" mantra
back to normal which in my world means I can concentrate on my "one day at a time" mantra
I know I have to remind myself not to slip into the trap of taking it for granted
It's like I needed to go through all of the 'firsts' without them (first birthday, christmas, etc.) before I could start to really process who I'd lost for the rest of my life.I was searching for words to explain it to someone the other day and I couldn't, you put it beautifully. The weirdest part, and it always happens to me, when I see someone in the street that kind of looks like my dad, I half-expect to see him as I get closer. I don't know, half of people's lives are made out of concepts and associations and what they bury inside other people. I'm an atheist but I have no problem with saying that the spirit carries on, and it carries on strong. I think everyone should remember that, especially in this time of the year when everything dies.
You guys know I'm always here for you or a phone call away.
Man, my problems seem so small compared to some of the stuff life is throwing at you guys.
It's like I needed to go through all of the 'firsts' without them (first birthday, christmas, etc.) before I could start to really process who I'd lost for the rest of my life.I was searching for words to explain it to someone the other day and I couldn't, you put it beautifully. The weirdest part, and it always happens to me, when I see someone in the street that kind of looks like my dad, I half-expect to see him as I get closer. I don't know, half of people's lives are made out of concepts and associations and what they bury inside other people. I'm an atheist but I have no problem with saying that the spirit carries on, and it carries on strong. I think everyone should remember that, especially in this time of the year when everything dies.
You guys know I'm always here for you or a phone call away.
Man, my problems seem so small compared to some of the stuff life is throwing at you guys.
You guys know I'm always here for you or a phone call away.
Man, my problems seem so small compared to some of the stuff life is throwing at you guys.
Don't let it trivialize your issues, however. I mean, if it puts it in perspective and you think "man, maybe it's not a big deal after all!" and you're able to function fine knowing that, then it's cool. But if it actually bothers you, it's not small.
You guys know I'm always here for you or a phone call away.
Man, my problems seem so small compared to some of the stuff life is throwing at you guys.
Don't let it trivialize your issues, however. I mean, if it puts it in perspective and you think "man, maybe it's not a big deal after all!" and you're able to function fine knowing that, then it's cool. But if it actually bothers you, it's not small.
Yeah it's horrible when you see someone who looks like the person you lost. I'm atheist too, but yeah I would agree her spirit carries on, she made me who I am and I try my best to live a life that she would be proud of, and used the experience I had through her illness to do voluntary work in the sector and am now training to be a proper full time helper of people, hopefully in the fields of drug and alcohol addiction. Not sure I'd have been quite so motivated to go down this path if I hadn't had seen her go through it.:hugs: I don't know you so well, but I think, based on all of this, you're making your mother very proud.
With loss it's like, for the first six months or so I was kinda so focused on the sick person I lost, how she looked and what she went through, because she'd changed SO much from being well to being ill. And I was really upset about the pain she went through and adjusting to living without her. But then about six months after she died I went to the museum she used to work at where I'd go randomly visit her after college etc. and straight away it was like I could close my eyes and visualise her coming round the corner happy, healthy, smiling, wearing her work uniform, just exactly how she was three years prior. I swear I could see her smile and the shade of her lipstick and feel the scent of her perfume and the way she looked when she smiled. And that's when the grief really hit me, because I realised that she'd been sick two and a half years, but I'd also lost the happy healthy funny strong witty warm sarcastic stubborn mum I'd had for the first 20 years of my life before roles reversed and I had to look after her. And it cut me so deeply inside to know I'd never see that person again, that she'd never be there if I got married or had kids. And it's still kinda weird to think that she died at a point and she'll never know that I broke up with my bf at the time, that I went on to train as a social worker, that she got a new little grandson this year. It's my first experience of a bereavement and it has been a rollercoaster!
Also didn't help that I was on morphine patches for a good few months and so very emotional and drained anyway.. I've definitely come out of the other side but I feel so much for people who are recently bereaved because you think it's awful but then, in my experience, it gets so, so much worse before it gets better. It'll be two years this December 23rd since she died and I both miss her and fear that I'm forgetting about her./rant
I firmly believe that my Granny (Dad's Mom) looks in on Dad and I from time to time, so yeah - the spirit DEFINITELY carries on.Lots of hearts for relatives that make our childhoods so lovely :heart
But then I remember how long it took for Dad and I to pass through to acceptance that she really was gone. I was 19 at the time and her death hit me HARD. So much so that I wasn't able to go to her funeral. I also didn't see her the last two months of her life because the cancer just made her so frail when she'd been the pillar of strength for as long as I could remember. Her birthday is the same day your Mum passed, Faye - I just realized that.
Anyhow, Granny LOVED Christmas - it was her favorite holiday, even though it was so close to her birthday. Probably because it was then and at Thanksgiving that all of the family would gather, eat, and enjoy the holidays together. I'll also never forgot the sound of dominoes being shuffled at the kitchen table as I was drifting off to sleep in the living room - Granny and Papoo (my gramps) would partner up for 42, invariably with Dad and one of my two uncles (RIP Uncle Lynn - I think of you every time I hear Elton John). Just... good memories that never fade.
I still remember Granny's laugh and her gruff way of letting her family know that she really did love them. Oh... and her sweet tea... :)
I guess my point is that, yes, some things will fade, but she's your Mum - she will ALWAYS live on in your heart.
Gotta go wipe my eyes now. :heart
Not answering phone = Drugs, lots of drugs.
I don't post much here. A few do know me though. I've had a rough few years. I was clean for 6 yrs till I relapsed in Feb 2011, following a rape. He now is in jail for the next 35 yrs. I tried to commit suicide in April 2011 by OD. I was then in rehab for 6.5 months. I got out and still struggled and was admitted to a Psych hospital for 10 months. I now been out for 2 months. I don't do very well this time of year. I don't do well the holiday season or around my birthday. Last Sunday I had a friend of 25 yrs die. He died from a head injury after refusing to get on the gurney to the ambulance. He said he would walk out and fell and hit his head. I haven't seen him before I went to rehab.
This past week was been a very bad one for me. I had Opana on me Tuesday night and RJ yelled at me, no he cussed me out. I've barely ate this week(part of my rehab include treatment for an eating disorder), or slept. I had another good friend call me yesterday to tell me to get my shit together or my Mom was going to have me readmitted. I can't refuse if she does since you has medical guardianship over me still.
I just need to stay out of hospitals. I'm just not sure if I can though.
I don't post much here. A few do know me though. I've had a rough few years. I was clean for 6 yrs till I relapsed in Feb 2011, following a rape. He now is in jail for the next 35 yrs. I tried to commit suicide in April 2011 by OD. I was then in rehab for 6.5 months. I got out and still struggled and was admitted to a Psych hospital for 10 months. I now been out for 2 months. I don't do very well this time of year. I don't do well the holiday season or around my birthday. Last Sunday I had a friend of 25 yrs die. He died from a head injury after refusing to get on the gurney to the ambulance. He said he would walk out and fell and hit his head. I haven't seen him before I went to rehab.
This past week was been a very bad one for me. I had Opana on me Tuesday night and RJ yelled at me, no he cussed me out. I've barely ate this week(part of my rehab include treatment for an eating disorder), or slept. I had another good friend call me yesterday to tell me to get my shit together or my Mom was going to have me readmitted. I can't refuse if she does since you has medical guardianship over me still.
I just need to stay out of hospitals. I'm just not sure if I can though.
Don't know much about you, are you seeing a therapist? Not a drug guy, but an actual talk therapist?
Oh good. Obviously I can't offer any clinical advice since you're not my client, but I'm glad you have a professional who does more than hand you pills.
Run. (seriously)
Get high off that dopamine.
Fiery Winds, can you not work a part time job alongside studyding? It sounds in your position like going back to school and getting skilled up might be your best bet right now...
Lonestar is looking for a roommate I hear :eyebrows:
I feel 99.5% paralyzed right now. I spend the .5% of the time I don't feel paralyzed to try and make myself feel better. Not having a job sucks, and there is nothing in this town. I'm not taking my meds because they're too expensive. Also, I've been drinking a lot. Ugh, not a good week.
You know what I hate about feeling depressed? When I feel like I want to talk about it, I realize as I'm thinking it that it sounds petty and stupid, especially compared to "real" problems other people have. I also realize that I'm the reason why I'm in the situation that's causing my depression and I haven't done anything about it. I try to make myself feel better by saying I have goals to fix the situation but it seems like a lot of other things in my life, where I say I have goals and am going to do something, but they never come to fruition.
/post that really doesn't say anything
So fuckin pissed off at the world today and very pissed at myself. >:(This, this, this, this, this. Not feeling it today.
So fuckin pissed off at the world today and very pissed at myself. >:(This, this, this, this, this. Not feeling it today.
So I took a test at school, and I have all the signs of a depressed person. But I really don't feel bad or anything, I just feel the same way I have always felt in my life.
Oh I do ignore them, but that still made me wonder how I can come across to some people. I mean, I'm not the most upbeat person, in fact I'm kind of an old sould on a young body kind of guy. Still that made me wonder if I look depressed to some people.So I took a test at school, and I have all the signs of a depressed person. But I really don't feel bad or anything, I just feel the same way I have always felt in my life.
Then ignore the test results. Trust me.
So yeah - 2012 has been one of the most depressing years I can remember.
2012 can't end soon enough for me
Mom's has been in the hospital for 2 weeks now ( lungs are failing from Chemotherapy received 35 years ago and smoking) She has been moving back and forth between a regualr room and CCU
Saturday she was conherent enough to express to the doctors treating her she wanted to sign a DNR
Been making treks almost daily from work (Manhattan) to the hospital (Brooklyn) than back home (New Jersey)
One day she's fine the next it seems like she's on her death bed , doctors have been no help other than telling us to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
I appreciate their bluntness and having been through this earlier in the year with my ex-wife I'm kind of calloused to everything . My sister has been an absolute wreck and only makes things worse by not facing the facts , that mom will be leaving us soon.
Akasha/Nightmare and those that sent PM's thank you for your kind words they are much appreciated
2012 was a terrible year all around...looking forward to more positive things in 2013
2013 has not started out the best. Monday a police officer who was a regular customer were I work at died in a fiery crash while on his way to another accident. He died at intersection where I work at. Now on to Monday, a women I use to work with messaged me and asked me if I heard about another women we use to work with died? Not sure when she died, but she left 2 teenagers behind. She had a heart attack. Now on to yesterday, my Mom texted me while at work and told me my great uncle died on 12/28. He was 92. So yeah 2013 has started out with a bang from hell.
Guys/gal... I'm not trying to dampen the hurt here, but death happens every day. We ALL are born to die - it's just a question of where and when. Not saying that it doesn't suck, either, but the people who've passed on don't have to deal with suffering/pain/disease/emotional hurt...
As for loney - dude, I sometimes think I'm that broken too. Not much I can say except to hang in there.
That goes for all of the rest of you folks too, actually - believe it or not, there IS a point to all of this... shit we deal with on a daily basis. Don't let it bring you to its level.
:heart
Guys/gal... I'm not trying to dampen the hurt here, but death happens every day. We ALL are born to die - it's just a question of where and when. Not saying that it doesn't suck, either, but the people who've passed on don't have to deal with suffering/pain/disease/emotional hurt...Quite a bit of death going on 'round here. I've seen/am seeing two starkly different ones.
That's actually a great philosophy, if you're able to pull it off. Yeah, nothing lasts forever, I know it. I just wish it could... I don't even believe in God or heaven or reincarnation, so that chapter is also closed for me.
But even with that knowledge, I sometimes think maybe the joy of close relationships (of any kind) actually worth the pain of inevitable separation. Not that it makes it easier, no...
Yes we all are born to die. I think I'm actually handling better then I expected myself too. Had some desire to use, but said fuck it isn't worth it. Today we donated food to feed all the officers today. We did feed all the officers and emergency workers working the accident Monday as well. Just part of being a service to others.
Very true. I've been trying to pay more attention to my diet, partially for that reason (and partially because I've put on too many pounds recently).
I'm very sorry to see all the loss people are experiencing, and just general shittiness.
I found out yesterday morning that one of my friends in NJ had what looks to be an aneurysm rupture or something along those lines. Sharp pain in her head, collapsed, had a minor heart attack, and then lots of brain bleeding. Last I heard, she was still unresponsive and several neurosurgeons gave a prognosis of "not a fucking thing we can do." Since it's a pretty shitty hospital, her family was seeing about whether a transfer was possible, but I'm not sure if any decision was reached.
My gut feeling is that she is not going to come back from this, and I've been trying hard all day not to break down so I can function and do my job/be a person who isn't a total downer. Of course I failed at both of these things- went home early, didn't finish my work, and spent the second half of my gathering with friends basically sitting in a corner and not drinking nearly enough to stop thinking.
So yeah, keep my friend and her family (she has two kids in their twenties) in your thoughts. I hate being so far away... not that I could do anything, but it would be nice to be there with her family and our mutual friends, who have been sitting by her side all day.
Sorry to barge in... Just wanted to ask. How do you cope with separation from people you love? And I don't mean really difficult things like death or divorce or parting with a lover.
I have this scenario in my life that repeats itself over and over. I get to know a person, we become friends, I become attached. And then after a while they have to leave (change of town/country/job/whatever). And I never see them again. Occasional facebook chats don't count of course. Long distance friendship just doesn't really work. Not for me at least.
And I get a little depressed every time. I mean, how many people who could be my friends, and make me a happier person, pass through my life and disappear almost without a trace. :'(
Just had to complain... Any silly, overused inspirational quotes are welcome.
Interesting, I find that the best friendships withstand physical separation and time delays in between hanging out/speaking. The true friends are the ones where you can not see them or hear from them for a few months and then you catch up like nothing happened. I'd recommend making as many friends as possible, some friendships will grow and deepen and some will stay at a more superficial level, but the more friends you have, the less likely you're gonna be focused on the one that moves away, waiting to hear from them etc. You need to get/keep busy with your own life so that when you hear from them you're happy, but you're not stressing over it. Plus if it ever comes across as neediness, well that's offputting to a lot of people.
Also, I tend to try and be thankful for the time I spent with someone even if I don't stay close to them... easier said than done. Are these people in your life responsible for the majority of your happiness do you think? I find if you're a happy rounded person in yourself, friendships come more easily... not sure why.
Thanks.. she is gone, now I'm trying to figure out if I can make it to her wake Thursday :(
Thanks.. she is gone, now I'm trying to figure out if I can make it to her wake Thursday :(
Trying to go to sleep?? That's weird. Panic attacks suck :(
Also, I tend to try and be thankful for the time I spent with someone even if I don't stay close to them... easier said than done. Are these people in your life responsible for the majority of your happiness do you think? I find if you're a happy rounded person in yourself, friendships come more easily... not sure why.Yeah, trying to being thankful for the time given, is a good thing. I always try to think that way.
Tired of having panic attacks! All I want to do is go to fuckin sleep and it sets off a damn panic attack.Used to keep a playlist of happy songs, funny videos, a list of jokes and some breathing exercises, just in case a panic attack kicks in. At night - reading myself to sleep helped, or having music playing at a low volume, preferably with lyrics I can concentrate on, until I fall asleep.
For God's sake, why won't my heater get warm? I've been home for almost 7 hours now and only the top half of the radiator is warm, the bottom half is still very cold. My room is freezing and it's fucking annoying. I've never had anything like this before with this particular radiator, usually it heats up in no time. It doesn't reeally help that it's minus 4 outside, but still. /rant
My brother is heading toward being a high school dropout, and he really doesn't seem to care. I know it's really none of my business and it's up to him to act or not act, but my dad has started to threaten to kick him out and totally cut him off when he turns 18, and it really scares me that he can't see down that road.
:(
What happened?My brother is heading toward being a high school dropout, and he really doesn't seem to care. I know it's really none of my business and it's up to him to act or not act, but my dad has started to threaten to kick him out and totally cut him off when he turns 18, and it really scares me that he can't see down that road.
Well it is your business since he's your brother, but he does ultimately have to learn the lesson for himself. What has been going on with him?
Community colleges wont look at your HS GPA and give a chance to get a good GPA for universities.
I really wish people would put so much pressure on kids to go to college under the threat that they won't amount to anything if they don't. There are a lot of important jobs that don't require a formal education. Part of the reason no one wants to work anymore is because of the negative connotation connected to many jobs that don't require post-secondary education.
If that's your attitude don't do grad school. Grad school is like being with the most demanding g/f in the world who takes you for granted and on the slightest occasion shows her gratitude. You have to be committed to your field. At least that's how it is in the physical sciences.
What the fuck is wrong with me. I hate to bitch and whine on here but I'm not sure what else to do tbh.You need to see a doctor, if you haven't already. There's treatment for anxiety and depression.
The thing that's worrying me about seeing the doc tomorrow is remembering everything that is going on and I don't want to be wasting his time.Keeping a journal helps. Or just writing down the key issues for yourself.
That's one thing that makes me apprehensive about "getting help". Depression meds sometimes appear to screw people up even more, at least people I know that take them.
I seriously feel like I am loosing it. I don't even know who I am anymore. Also, I did something really silly tonight. But this is the wrong place for this. Very tempted to phone the Samaritans.I don't know anything of you except what you've expressed by your recent posts in this thread, but allow me to say one thing. Something I was told a while ago, in my darkest days:
Not usually healthy teenagers though :(
Regardless, I am so sorry Akasha.
Kym, my prayers are with you and your family as you lay Josh to rest today.
So sorry for your loss.
I just found out that I didn't get the job I thought I had a real shot at. They didn't even tell me themselves, I had to email and ask. To top it off, I'm not qualified for extended federal unemployment because I didn't work long enough. So not a good time for me right now.
Life is not feeling very bright.
It feels like even though I'm getting my shit together I'm slowly drifting backwards despite it all.
Friends back in South Dakota are suddenly having all of these great times, they're all doing stuff we never did when I was around, and it makes me feel like shit; as if I was the reason we never did anything and always did the same shit over and over.
My mom's now pushing for me to get anti-depression meds, but I feel like rather than being depressed, I'm just feeling pity for myself when I'm doing just fine seemingly.
I re-applied full time for the temp job i had over xmas at the local Cinemaplex. They said I had no experience.I'm speechless... Sorry for that Kotowboy. Loks like no one gets assumed full time anymore anywhere.
What, you mean apart from the 4 weeks I worked for you over xmas ?
Translation : Oh God No. Go Away.
Stupid question: have you tried talking to her recently about your feelings for her?
Hang in there bro, it only seems endless when we're in the middle of it, you know I'm there if you need an ear to bend.
Everybody has his own sadness, and so do I. While I read some your thread, I felt I'm not that unfortune. I should work about 13hours a day from 6 am to 7 pm, and pay is too litttle. Exchanging it into dollars, it may be not more than $100 a month. I can't refuse that sucking job, because I'm serving for national duty. So I can't help feeling being robbed of freedom. More terrible is that job makes me more exhausted and vulnerable than ever. Actually, after job, I can't do anything expect sleeping and I have been suffered from pain on waist since last year. Everyday I feel I'm in prison. So I have thought I'm very unfortune. But what you all said are so sad that I"m so shamed to complain the trivials so much. At least, my service is left just 10months, and it means I have a clear breakthrouh which will come to me just waiting for 10 months. Thank you for giving me encouragement.
having a real rough go at it today...one year anniversary of the death of my best friend/ex-wife not a day goes by that I don't think of her in some way . Didn't want to take the day off from work because I figured I would just sit around and mope, but being here at work isn't helping much either. It's going to be a rough day for the kids as well, not really sure what too say to them later, if I should say anything at all or just let the grieve on their own accords. :'(
You may just have something there, kowtowboy :-\
Perhaps that's the mindset I should adopt.
Nobody has ever shown any interest and I don't expect that to suddenly change overnight. Plus i'm really introvert. Also - I don't drink or smoke so I don't go to pubs :pI'm exactly like that... You're not alone!
I just sit in my room :P
Sometimes I just want to be a twat because I'm sick of being nice and getting nothing in return or no recognition or whatever.I really really hope you won't take this the wrong way, but people do need a lot more than "nice" to enter a relationship with someone, just FYI.
But I can't.
Unless they are both twats - then it's hilarious.
:corn
No joke but that's how I feel every day.
Another job I didn't get. Another person let me down. Another set of circumstances that didn't work out the way I hoped.
And so on and so on and so on....
:( that's not good. You should be asleep now -- It's 12.45am in your land!
I can always sleep (sometimes too much). Getting out of bed is an emotional chore, tho -- I dread the mornings. And my sleep is not as refreshing as it once was.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all that. I do know the pain of being out of work. It's been a bit too often for my taste over the past ten years or so. :| At least you have your music. That's sort of an outlet, right?
:( that's not good. You should be asleep now -- It's 12.45am in your land!
I can always sleep (sometimes too much). Getting out of bed is an emotional chore, tho -- I dread the mornings. And my sleep is not as refreshing as it once was.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all that. I do know the pain of being out of work. It's been a bit too often for my taste over the past ten years or so. :| At least you have your music. That's sort of an outlet, right?
It is indeed.
I've recorded three new songs this week :lol
https://davidoakes.bandcamp.com/album/transmissions
I know what you mean. it's probably becaue I don't have to get up for work so I don't feel the pleasure of a lie in anymore
No interest at all in Twitter. :-\
Listening to your new music tomorrow, tho. Was out of town this past weekend and busy today. Looking forward to it!
I feel you on that, Kotowboy.
I'm gonna be taking some time off the internet -- period -- except what I need to do for work. It takes a lot of time and lends itself to unnecessary convos. That often results in misunderstandings and self-destructive situations, which sucks. :P I've really enjoyed the interchange of music and film I learned here for my short stay (i'm out of here after today). Thanks to all!
Keep up with your great music, though; you sound fantastic. I'll see you around, take care! :)
Ugggh I hate not being able to sleep... Makes me think... Thinking just gets me down.Hey man, you're just 17 (well, maybe I can't say shit 'cause I'm only 19... but I'll just do it anyway). Why don't you go looking for a job? Assuming you have the time for it regarding school etc. Education may be boring or hard or maybe you don't see the point, but there is a point man. No education means no job means no money means pretty much no life. If you make the right choices and do your best, you'll find something you like eventually, even if that means receiving education in a whole lotta field you're not interested in. You can't like everything, even if you're studying something you like. I study Earth Science, which pretty much contains a lot of different fields, so obviously I can't like everything. Even in the field I love (geology/geophysics) I don't like everything, not at all.
On my mind tonight:
I feel my family just put up with me rather than like me,
I'm poor always due to no job, which means I can do less with my friends and I feel like I'm being pushed away because of it.
Education is shocking and makes me depressed
My last relationship left me feeling lonely and ended really badly
But I have a new girlfriend which makes me feel slightly less lonely
asuoifh93w 4tjioaerhbgtwaegerl vjihjzbphefvw-9ahwhjjajahagwhipgssDPFipo
afiqew'rHP
3QIHÓR23T2T2
3[O
G3[O
G32
]
QEGQE\GE
Is this also a heartbreak thread? Because the girl ive been madly in love with for over a year now left me a few days ago, and today is our fucking anniversary. she couldnt handle living four hours away from me anymore and she was so depressed about not being able to see me everyday so she dumped me. This is fucking bullshit, we knew it was hard and she left me before over it but came back TWICE already completely fucking regretting it and hating herself for giving up on what we had for a closer relationship. She fucked up this relationship so many times. I did nothing but treat her like a queen for over a year while everyone else spat on her like dirt and she knows that and she told me so hundreds of times.
I have NOBODY to talk to about this, my closest friends dont know what to say they are just as shocked as i am. I cant communicate with her friends about this because i dont have their numbers. And we both knew it was going to be difficult until we graduated highschool and moved to a mutual place in the middle where we could finally just be together, but she PROMISED ME, EVERY SINGLE DAY, that she would never give up on our relationship again, she promised every single day that she would prove to me that she was never going anywhere ever again and then she pulls this fucking shit and leaves me, 2 days before our anniversary because she decided nevermind this is too hard I cant keep my promise. I NEVER LOST FAITH, I NEVER LOST HOPE. AND SHE BROKE MY TRUST BEFORE AND SHE WON IT BACK BY BEING SO SINCERELY FAITHFUL AND WITH ME ALL SUMMER AND AS SOON AS SCHOOL STARTS UP AND SHE SEES COUPLES BEING ABLE TO HUG AND KISS IN THE HALLWAYS SHE GETS ALL DEPRESSED. we were so fucking close and she straight up tells me that she doest want me to come see her anymore and that she just wants to get over me and move on. Are u serious? This chick was so fucking extreme about our relationship that she named our future kids, chose our future pets, planned our wedding and picked dozens of songs and albums from my ipod for wedding music. And now she just throws that all away and wants to forget all about it and move on. I cant believe this. I dont know what to do anymore.
This is bullshit, i was completely blindsided. Im hurt, angry, heartbroken. and the worst part is I DID ALL THE HARD WORK. She just sat at home and was depressed over me all day while i was the one trying to keep her with me, stressing over how im going to spend as much time with her as possible albeit the distance between us. I did everything and she still gives up. Since the day i met her ive been by her side while countless other came and went and never wanted anything to do with her ever again. I cant believe this. /rant someone please just, help? tell me something. anything. just ... what am i even supposed to do now.
So I went to the doc and he advised counselling and mild anti-depressants.
I chose the latter for now as I really hate talking about myself at the best of times.
had my first ever one today but the doc said they take a few weeks to be noticeable.
Either that or they're a placebo :lol
The important thing is - I didn't feel unusual afterwards at any point, which was what was concerning me.
*lol really dumb snip*
Okay, first of all I want to say I'm sorry you're hurting and acknowledge that this sucks. However... this may not be very helpful to you right now because you're really upset, but PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE PROMISES LIKE THAT! You can't promise that you won't give up or change your mind about a relationship, because there is NO way to predict where you are going to be at in the future. You can't promise someone you'll "never go anywhere again," especially when you've only been together a year. I'm not trying to minimize the relationship, but you're not being very realistic. Planning weddings in high school when you've only been together a year? I did that too, with my first "serious" boyfriend in college, and the relationship didn't even last a year and a half. We got so caught up in the idea of being in love but as it turned out we weren't actually that compatible. Again, I'm not trying to minimize your relationship or the hurt you're feeling, but you're acting like this girl completely betrayed you or lied to you by not "keeping her promise," but it was a completely unfair promise to expect someone to make in the first place. Being dumped fucking SUCKS, but god, there are so many more terrible ways she could have actually betrayed or hurt you. Trust me when I say you got off light. Long-distance relationships aren't for everyone, and it sounds like this gal may be one of those people who can't handle them well.
So I went to the doc and he advised counselling and mild anti-depressants.
I chose the latter for now as I really hate talking about myself at the best of times.
had my first ever one today but the doc said they take a few weeks to be noticeable.
Either that or they're a placebo :lol
The important thing is - I didn't feel unusual afterwards at any point, which was what was concerning me.
Speaking from experience, Expect anywhere from 3-6 weeks before you notice a difference. After that, you will just realize one day that you feel great and have for a number of days.
So I went to the doc and he advised counselling and mild anti-depressants.
I chose the latter for now as I really hate talking about myself at the best of times.
had my first ever one today but the doc said they take a few weeks to be noticeable.
Either that or they're a placebo :lol
The important thing is - I didn't feel unusual afterwards at any point, which was what was concerning me.
Speaking from experience, Expect anywhere from 3-6 weeks before you notice a difference. After that, you will just realize one day that you feel great and have for a number of days.
Update : I have now finished a course of anti-depressants and can report that I feel absolutely NO different.
Exactly the same / worse if anything.
So that's that. Also one-on-one counselling is a massive no-no for me.
I guess i'm just a miserable twat :) x
So sorry to hear that. 18 years!!! Our little girl just turned 16. We had to put a cat down after only having him for a year and a half back when our kids were born, and it was torture. Cats can be a tremendous comfort.
I can't imagine how sad you feel right now.
:hug:
So, a couple of monts back I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder (type 2). Kinda sucks!
After almost three months of severe depression and beeing hospitalized for three weeks Im starting to feel better.
It´s pretty wierd, but I feel a kind of relief. For almost 11 years I´ve had the feeling that something wasn´t completely right.
I couldn´t understand why i had these long periods with depression, sometimes for no reason at all. And all of a sudden I get these short periods where I feel on top of the world, with the strength to manage anything.
It finally makes sense, and it feels ok to finally have a diagnose.
At the same time I feel a bit hopeless, since i know this is a cronic disease that i have to live with for the rest of my life.
Thankfully we have one of the best health systems in the world in Norway, and medications for this type of disorder have come a long way the last 10-20 years.
So.. thats my story!
I wonder if I am Bipolar...
Like - on Friday I went out for the day with my brother and his 4 year old & had a great time.
But as soon as we got back to the house after - I felt absolutely terrible - for no reason.
Just completely miserable.
So, a couple of monts back I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder (type 2). Kinda sucks!
After almost three months of severe depression and beeing hospitalized for three weeks Im starting to feel better.
It´s pretty wierd, but I feel a kind of relief. For almost 11 years I´ve had the feeling that something wasn´t completely right.
I couldn´t understand why i had these long periods with depression, sometimes for no reason at all. And all of a sudden I get these short periods where I feel on top of the world, with the strength to manage anything.
It finally makes sense, and it feels ok to finally have a diagnose.
At the same time I feel a bit hopeless, since i know this is a cronic disease that i have to live with for the rest of my life.
Thankfully we have one of the best health systems in the world in Norway, and medications for this type of disorder have come a long way the last 10-20 years.
So.. thats my story!
I am quite happy to hear you have found answers! Bipolar disorder is difficult, but you have made the right step! It is a shame there is no cure, as it's up there with others in being severe (and trivialized by society :-/), but view it as a completely managble condition.
Certainly medication will help, and is the primary wing of treatment for Bipolar. As a therapist, I do encourage you to try that as well. It can help with some of the smaller stuff, and build a support system among other things.
Things that piss me off, or rather fucked up my day and caused me to really stress out:
I finished my Earth Sciences Bachelor's degree at the University last month. Now, instead of doing a followup Earth Sciences Master's degree, I instead decided that although I liked my previous study, I wanted something with even more maths and physics, even though I was already focusing on that part of the Earth Sciences. So, I decided to start another Bachelor's degree, namely in Physics and Astronomy. It will take me three more years, but hey, I'm only 20 years old now, and life's for learning, right?
In Holland, when you start a second bachelor, you have to pay a much higher college fee if you have already finished one. However, if you enroll for your second bachelor while you're still doing your first bachelor, you pay the normal fees. It's complicated. And it will get even more complicated. Since I didn't want to pay five times as much on college fees, I enrolled for my second bachelor during my last semester. I passed my thesis and therefore was done with my bachelor Earth Sciences.
However, today (a week before my first Physics semester starts) I got an email that my college fees had changed. They were changed to the ridiculously high college fees one has to pay when starting a second bachelor after the first one. I was astounded, since I thought I'd done everything right by enrolling for Physics while I was still studying Earth Sciences. I quickly went to a Student Service centre for our University, where I was told that you have to enroll for you second bachelor while you are still doing your first AND have a month of overlap where you are actually doing both bachelors! Since I am done with ES already and my Physics doesn't start until next week I didn't have such an overlap. I simply cannot afford the high college fees, so I asked whether I could still fix it. They told me I had to apply for delay of graduation of my ES bachelor in order to create that one month of overlap. Now, the deadline for that delay application had already expired, but luckily I was able to speak to one of the study coordinators and my request will be discussed (and probably granted) during their next meeting on Thursday. So, in the end it'll probably be fixed after all, so that I can continue studying. I just can't afford the high fees. Man, that sure pissed me off.
TL;DR - Unclear instructions about enrolling for a second bachelor's degree in University almost caused me to have to pay college fees five times as high as normal. It will probably be fixed though, but it sure caused a shitload of stress.
*story*Wow, that kind of bureaucracy really sucks! :-\ Stories like that make me appreciate the fact that there are no fees for students in Finland. Is it too late to choose the Master's degree you mentioned at the beginning, and would it have been less expensive?
Yeah, a Master's degree would have cost me normal tuition fees. That's about 2000 euros for a year. I can still enroll for that and start in Febuary, but I don't really know if I want that. I feel Physics is the one thing I really want to do. If I really can't to Physics in Utrecht unless I pay 10000 euros a year, I'll probably take half a year off, then do half a year of the Master's degree (I can at least try...) and then start Physics in a foreign (probably German) university in September 2015.Even if the Master's degree isn't totally your thing, it's worth at least trying until you get to start Physics, because even half a year of those studies can be of help to you later. But in the end it's your choice, and if you think you can spend that period more productively doing something else (like working), then do what feels right. :)
The administration on another forum I've frequented for years is starting to really make me question why I'm still there, which sucks, because it was one of the first forums I joined back in high school, and I've grown to become friends with many there.
Some loony dude completely hijacked a thread about a well known dude there who's in jail for something he's completely at fault with, but accepts he deserves what he got, and made it all about this quasi religious Big Brother is watching bullshit, so I reported his post, and replied to his post with a simple "Ugh :L"
Instead of that poster getting a chewing, I get a chewing because of this no one word posts rule mainly meant for newcomers who quickly try to build up post count(something necessary if you wanna hire artists for a game project you want to develop) and those who just don't want to add anything at all(think non-sequitor things), but instead of focusing on this dick that's taking somebody's ordeal as a platform for lunatic things, they focus on me expressing some general disgust towards that guy, and make it all about how it's not clear if I'm talking about that guy, or if my stomach hurts, or if my toe nail's stink(literally a mod told me he couldn't tell if I was expressing these) and would rather chew me out and tell me to tack on filler sentences to express the exact same point, than focus on the fact that this guy is going into multiple threads and making them about his weird as fuck agenda.
It's just frustrating. They also just cut me off(one of the admins, and one of the mods who I never really got along with long before he was a mod) and then just patronize me.
I feel like I'm either soon going to just get banned, or feel like I should leave, which will really suck, as I'll be leaving behind some good people who while I have them on Facebook, talk to them pretty much only on that forum.
I was on Wellbutrin in high school and didn't notice much of a difference. I was excited to try it because it also sometimes helps folks lose weight and stop smoking, but it did neither for me (though it didn't make me GAIN weight like other meds I tried later).Well, I haven't had any thoughts or depressive that out of the ordinary per se. It's just that it was pretty jarring for me to have such a lousy day while taking Wellbutrin, especially after the fantastic Saturday I had. Guess I'll just have to get used to the ups and downs.
When you say intrusive thoughts, what exactly do you mean? Was this an issue before you started taking the med? I'm sure you know this, but Wellbutrin is one of the antidepressants with the "black box" warning of potential increased suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure how old you are, because it's mostly an adolescent/young adult thing from what I understand, but just be wary of this if you notice thoughts that are out of the ordinary.
I should have posted in this thread last night when I hated the world. Today I'm a bit better, thankfully.
I have anxiety problems, so a few years ago the doctor put me on celexa and also a script for Ativan. The Ativan is only as needed. When I first started the celexa, it made me very sleepy, but after a week or so it evened out. Just saying that you may want to stick with the Wullbutrin to see if your body adjusts.Thanks! I can tell this stuff is helping already so I definitely plan to stick with it and gradually ramp up the dose over the next few weeks.
Hoping you get better!
:( So I moved to be closer to family near the sea, got a nice new job and a new bike ( albeit which needs a service )...And a few other things have turned out really positive.
...so why did I just tear up last night out of the blue ?
I get emotional at everything at the moment.
I'm sorting things out though and my situation in Reading wasn't the nicest. I enjoyed my job but where I lived was very stressful.
I get emotional at everything at the moment.
I'm sorting things out though and my situation in Reading wasn't the nicest. I enjoyed my job but where I lived was very stressful.
What was where you left; Friends, significant other? Was the community and lifestyle a better fit for you there, vs. by your folks? Do you think moving closer to your parents is a positive, or a negative thing? Do you enjoy some level of stress, but not to the levels where you were before?
Or are things ultimately looking better now? Tears of course can go both ways.
I've been socially frustrated. I've always been more introverted and I embrace that. However I feel alienated trying to get involved with people. I know people like me I just get really anxious and lose confidence.Fellow social anxiety sufferer here. For me, just getting the motivation to apply for a job takes monumental effort because I'm absolutely terrified of interviews and get serious anxiety before I go to them. In general, I'm just really scared to meet new people because I'm constantly thinking about them judging me. I know it's totally irrational but the mind can be an extremely hard beast to tame. And the depression doesn't help matters either.
I've been socially frustrated. I've always been more introverted and I embrace that. However I feel alienated trying to get involved with people. I know people like me I just get really anxious and lose confidence.Fellow social anxiety sufferer here. For me, just getting the motivation to apply for a job takes monumental effort because I'm absolutely terrified of interviews and get serious anxiety before I go to them. In general, I'm just really scared to meet new people because I'm constantly thinking about them judging me. I know it's totally irrational but the mind can be an extremely hard beast to tame. And the depression doesn't help matters either.
Your best friend is a cat?
Your best friend is a cat?
Yeah. I'm pathetic like that. Sue me.
He's been the only constant thing in my life for the past decade. Life was already shit recently this is just the cherry on top, I guess.
I wrote myself a little note this morning:
"You are grieving. Your emotions and perceptions are less reliable than usual."
It has been somewhat helpful for me to keep from flipping out on people.
I wrote myself a little note this morning:
"You are grieving. Your emotions and perceptions are less reliable than usual."
It has been somewhat helpful for me to keep from flipping out on people.
So sorry for your loss. Writing notes like that is a really good idea. I do something similar where I vocalize self-encouraging phrases (like on the drive in to work). A couple years ago I could go days without hearing my own voice, and this was really helpful in bringing my attention away from the mental chatter and focusing on the present moment. Over time, I noticed my enthusiasm and content grow more positive.
Hang in there, you're doing OK. :tup
thank you. on an intellectual level i know not to blame myself or to play "what if?", i've been through this once before with someone else. on an emotional level it is tearing me up.We aren't supposed to play what if, but from my experience, it is human nature. I'm sure it has more to do with hoping you discover something by going over it in your head so you might have a chance to do what you wished you were given the opportunity this time. It isn't your burden, but you are still going to try to do everything you can to prevent it.
Been in pretty bad shape financially and emotionally lately.I'm hoping things have improved for you. Can you give us an update?
I get such a tight feeling in my chest and throughout my body that it's as if I'm aging 10 years for every minute I exist.This is just the worst feeling. Hope you're doing better right now! There is positive stress and there is negative stress, and negative stress absolutely comes back to bite you in the ass and there's nothing we can do about it sadly. I'm trying super hard to be as zen as possible, but then other people dump their emotional load on you because "you seem to be handling this situation so much better than me, so you're not in need of help, come comfort me" and it's like... ugh, I worked very hard on feeling okay and it gets taken away from me every single time.
I went to click in this thread, and noticed I posted in it before... in 2010. Wow.
Anyways, I'm going through some pretty tough shit again... I feel like I owe the whole world money, we are barely scraping by as it is. I wish I could just move to another country and start over sometimes.
I went to click in this thread, and noticed I posted in it before... in 2010. Wow.
Anyways, I'm going through some pretty tough shit again... I feel like I owe the whole world money, we are barely scraping by as it is. I wish I could just move to another country and start over sometimes.
The only positive thought is that you used the word *again*, which hopefully gives you just enough confidence to know you have the proven ability to get through the pretty tough shit.
Yep. And there are a ton of people who are worse off. I have a roof over my head and a family who loves me.
Yep. And there are a ton of people who are worse off. I have a roof over my head and a family who loves me.
I know that only goes so far and can start to sound like a generic "thoughts and prayers" that people like to throw out there almost as a Pavlovian response more than holding anything of value.
I also cringe when I hear two common response paths:
1. Everything you are doing is right. It is the world around you that is wrong. F them
2. You must be doing something wrong and aren't working hard enough / smart enough.
Unfortunately life isn't like a video game. You get one play. The extra lives come from external sources. For instance, a friend or relative loaning you some money because they know it is harder to get out of the hole once you are in it. I've been on the *easier* side of that equation and have given out "getting through it" money more times than I can recall. What is awful is when the equation flips and now you need a temporary band aid so the wound doesn't keep getting worse and the people you helped before won't pay it forward (or back).
No I understand. But being a teacher I've seen it all.Probably the best thing you have going for you is a steady paycheck. It is easier to budget when your income remains relatively constant. And if you need to take some risk by creating some cash "extras", things like the stock market are there for you.
Not as much pissed off but nervous as fuck. Starting this new job in 5 days. I'm scared shitless that I am going to fuck it up and wind up with nothing. People say "You're smart. You havethis in the bag"... I don't know. Like... I really haven't a clue about what I am getting myself into. And I ahve no support from home. Panda, whatever she is to me (we aren't together. She swears up and down that we arent... but then get's pissed off when I take an extra shift with my job for overtime because she wants to spend time together... wtf?) basically keeps telling me I am going to fail and keeps saying this is a bad idea.
Benefits. Opprotunities for advancement. starting at almost twice my pay. How the FUCK do I not take the job? I know it's not going to be glamorous.. but it's going to be worht it in the long run... right?
Not as much pissed off but nervous as fuck. Starting this new job in 5 days. I'm scared shitless that I am going to fuck it up and wind up with nothing.This is probably a natural reaction for a good number of people. I know it is for me. I wish I had the answer, but it just might be the way we are built.
basically keeps telling me I am going to fail and keeps saying this is a bad idea.Panda says this? Maybe she's afraid your new paycheck and new peers will put her on the outside? But still, that's messed up. Even when I think somebody is making a mistake, once they've made that decision, you go into support mode. And not just with "thatta boy" and "you can do it". Tell them why they can make it happen. I'd tell her she not only isn't helping, but she better stop it or whatever relationship you have isn't going to work out.
Benefits. Opprotunities for advancement. starting at almost twice my pay. How the FUCK do I not take the job? I know it's not going to be glamorous.. but it's going to be worht it in the long run... right?What is the job? (if you don't want to get into specifics, I understand)
ANd I am also still fucking bummed (see lonely hearts thread) that the ONE girl who has shown ANY interest in me lately is my brother's ex. (Also going through a divorce and has a kid)... but still.. It's fucking wiht my head..I'd put that out of your mind. There are too many women out there to even entertain a sibling's ex. This is what you take from it. Her interest is a result of her getting to know you. That says more about you than her. It means you will find somebody with genuine interest if you get in enough relationships that allow them to get to know you. Not just when a group is out at dinner or an event. But when you are just hanging out "doing nothin'" and everybody becomes more honest/real and less "party switch on".
I have no idea what to expect but I'm nervous as all hell. I'm afraid that this won't help, that nothing's going to change. Which to me, is much scarier than not going at all.
Basically I am going to be a case worker for public assistant programs with the county here.
I'm not depressed or angry, which is rare for me. But now I've come to help those who are. Come, my children. Sit on my knee for a horsie ride.
So I am doing a bad thing and putting off seeing someone till next month. The reason being that I may still be eligible for help through the court system, (my dad's death and all).. I have another day in court regarding that on March 20 (ironically what woulda been my dad's 63rd birthday)... So i am going to look into it then.
Also.. I haven't drank in a few days. So yea. I'm going to try to stay away from that.
As predicted I'm going to suggest therapy and not drinking like that.
As predicted I'm going to suggest therapy and not drinking like that.
I'm going to suggest the opposite.
As predicted I'm going to suggest therapy and not drinking like that.
I'm going to suggest the opposite.
As predicted I'm going to suggest therapy and not drinking like that.
I'm going to suggest the opposite.
Go on
I said to stop drinking to the extent that he was and to seek help. You literally said to do the opposite. The opposite is excessive drinking and not seeking help. I didn't misconstrue anything.
Define "well" :lol
It's actually refreshing that this thread has been inactive for so long. Bumping, in case The Count missed this thread.
My depression has been ... dormant ... for a while - ironically, since I became unemployed. Hope everyone else that frequents this thread is doing well.
Define "well" :lol
No, you (everyone really) are responsible for defining it yourself. My "well" may not be anyone else's "well".
It's actually refreshing that this thread has been inactive for so long. Bumping, in case The Count missed this thread.
My depression has been ... dormant ... for a while - ironically, since I became unemployed. Hope everyone else that frequents this thread is doing well.
I've got to say Chad work is the biggest culprit that causes many issues for me.
Define "well" :lol
No, you (everyone really) are responsible for defining it yourself. My "well" may not be anyone else's "well".
Fucking deep man. Deep.
Prettttttty close to killing Jay right now.
I'm generally a pretty calm dude. It takes a lot to make me upset. I'm rather understanding and don't hold grudges.
So......
I'm on summer break for August from school (getting my doctorate in psychology) and was having fun after an awful summer semester with a horrible spiteful teacher. I was pretty confident I passed and I was happy to be done with it.
So then Friday I got an e-mail saying I was officially accused of cheating on the final exam by this dude.
Then I got a call from the girl who I was supposed to have cheat off of, and she's being accused of plagiarism.
Turns out there's 7 of us being accused of various things and he wants to fail all of us. So, naturally, people were pretty pissed off. Me? I was nervous, but not angry. Maybe the dude really thought I cheated. I get it, we're all human, we make mistakes. As long as I can argue that I didn't.
But then today I saw his score on my final paper. Dude gave ma C. Now is this such a crime? Nah. Maybe he just hated my paper despite never getting below a B on a paper in the past 5 years. But sure.
However, there's a catch. He allowed anyone to send him the paper ahead of time, get his feedback and make changes before final submission. Cool!
So I sent it off, and he wrote back saying it was a good paper, and looked good. Told me to make a few minor changes, which I did, all of them. Then he gives me a C.
NOW I'm pissed. That is not cool. You don't say it's good and then mark me off for stuff you never mentioned before.
Prettttttty close to killing Jay right now.
Fuck that dude. Seriously.
Is it really true that medical marijuana can help you combat stress? I have been reading some of this article that marijuana (https://www.bonzaseeds.com/blog/the-white/) can help them cope with stress and it helps them relax. I haven't tried using marijuana but i plan to to help me with my stress but i dont know where to start. Can anyone give me any info that can help? Thanks!!
Fuck that dude. Seriously.
With a razor lined dildo? Sure!
So in 9 days I have a disciplinary meeting to determine what happens.
This COULD result in me failing the test, losing 5000 dollars in aid that I wouldn't have had to repay, having to stay in school another year to retake the class (presumably with the same teacher), and lose the possibility of an APA approved internship, thus essentially ruining my entire academic future.
Thanks dude. Glad you feel powerful now.
Is it really true that medical marijuana can help you combat stress? I have been reading some of this article that marijuana (https://www.bonzaseeds.com/blog/the-white/) can help them cope with stress and it helps them relax. I haven't tried using marijuana but i plan to to help me with my stress but i dont know where to start. Can anyone give me any info that can help? Thanks!!
It's like booze - having a drink with a few friends at a bar or at a party is a great idea and a wonderful social lubricant. If you're drinking every day, or when you're alone, or to cope with the stresses of the day, then you've got a problem.
The fact you say you're thinking of it as a way to combat stress makes me say don't. Make time to relax and de-stress. Try listening to some relaxing music, have a nice mug of warm milk, have a long soak in a hot bath. Hell, try the old "gentleman's one-handed relaxation technique". They're all better ways to relax and de-stress.
The fact you asked the question means you already know the answer.
Oh man, thanks for reminding me!
So the disciplinary meeting went just fine. The people involved were very supportive and nice and were basically rolling their eyes at the charges in general.
A month later I was officially cleared of all charges, passed the class and it was all dropped.
I wasn't done however. So I was one of like 10 people accused of something, and one of the few who got off. So myself and a bunch of other people formally submitted grievances about the teacher at hand.
This resulted in multiple phone calls/meetings with high ups at the school.
That teacher no longer works for the school.
I honestly do not have the right approach on how to resolve this issue that's happening with me and it's making me feel like I don't want to do anything at all. Where do I begin?
So...
I learned some family info that is really throwing me for an emotional roller coaster. I don't plan on sharing it publicly... but I am also not sure how I want to go about handling it.
Ever feel so completely betrayed that you become sick to your stomach?
Yea.
Mother fucker... that's a helluva fall. I'm cringing just thinking about it.The way I figured out something was seriously wrong with my leg was when a bystander tried to help me up and when I put some weight on my right leg it bent to the RIGHT...now that's not right. :D What's even weirder, it never really hurt that much.
Damn thats rough, hope you have a speedy recoveryThanks, despite all this I still never felt any strong pain not until after the surgery that's when I started to feel pain in my knee but that also fade away after two days.
I have a question. Is it possible to be depressed and not even realize it?
Plus, at the rate things are going, my company may very well lose this account in the next few months. I almost hope it happens so I am forced to find new employment.
Damn Jay it sounds like it's not just raining but pouring. I hope some things start looking up soon! If you were to leave your job do you have any idea what you'd want to do, would you try and stick to the same type of work you're doing now?
As much as I advocate for the use of medical marijuana, we will not tolerate posting seed sale websites here. So, back to your regularly scheduled program.
Anyway. I'll promise to stop drunk posting. I always feel like an ass afterwards. From now on I log out if I've had more than two beers. I'm sober at least five days a week so it's not like I cease posting altogether. :lol
Anyway. I'll promise to stop drunk posting. I always feel like an ass afterwards. From now on I log out if I've had more than two beers. I'm sober at least five days a week so it's not like I cease posting altogether. :lol
Do you have a habit of saying things you regret when posting drunk? I've certainly posted here drunk many times but usually I don't think I say things I regret, if so then yea it's a good idea to maybe back off.
As for the depressed/angry thread, well if you read what I wrote in the lonely hearts thread than I kind of belong here too. For me though, to help recover with how I am feeling, I am not resorting to booze. That doesn't help anything, and that's not meaning I'm not drinking (I drank quite a bit last weekend at the two concerts I went to) but I'm not drinking after work when I am feeling bored and lonely and depressed and angry. I am not letting myself resort to that, instead I am riding my exercise bike and then taking my anger out in video games or by listening / dancing to some heavy music.
Also it's great you have more productive ways dealing with negative emotions than getting pissed.
I have a question. Is it possible to be depressed and not even realize it?
Yes.
Hey guys. Sorry for the thread bump but I need somewhere to talk about this. I’ve been having a really rough time these past few months. I know a lot of people have with this pandemic, but my depression and anxiety have started to spiral out of control again. I’ve let them influence my work and most importantly they’ve played a role in my current relationship with the love of my life. I’m having constant nightmares. I wake up sweating and shaking almost every morning and going a day without having a panic attack and/or breaking down crying has become rare. I’m losing control and I’m really scared.
The whole reason I haven't seen someone the fact that it is overwhelming to sort through everything. So I am back to square one.
The whole reason I haven't seen someone the fact that it is overwhelming to sort through everything. So I am back to square one.
"sort through everything" meaning insurance, or evaluating potential service providers? If the former, my condolences. If the latter, I guess you just gotta start somewhere. Last year I just did a little research on providers in my area and just picked one (after confirming they accepted my insurance!!!!) Was she the best for me? I don't know. But I wasn't going to find that out without meeting her. You may not find the perfect match, but that shouldn't keep you from finding a really good one.
"sort through everything" meaning insurance, or evaluating potential service providers? If the former, my condolences. If the latter, I guess you just gotta start somewhere. Last year I just did a little research on providers in my area and just picked one (after confirming they accepted my insurance!!!!) Was she the best for me? I don't know. But I wasn't going to find that out without meeting her. You may not find the perfect match, but that shouldn't keep you from finding a really good one.
If you have any questions about finding a therapist, ask away. Otherwise, you’ll be ready when you’re ready.
Complaining about being miserable right now is like going outdoors in a monsoon and complaining about being wet.
I'm not NOT going to see a doc because of 2020 memes - but i'm sure they'd be thrilled that I was the 451st person to claim to have depression that week.
Also just saying it makes me squirm. Like - everyone online who's a bit sad says they have 'depression'. So I just feel like an idiot saying it too since I might not actually be and i'm just a miserable prick. :lol
A few people have independently said I might have some kind of Aspergers too - but meh - so what ? I am either am or i'm not.
I've thought about it a few times and very nearly phoned up to make an appointment. But then I just imagine them
going " hello - what is the problem ? " and me sheepishly and timidly going " um... I think i'm depressed :blush " and the receptionist going
"................ok..............why? " and then i literally forget anything bad that's ever happened to me and I hang up.
He also started me on an SSRI to help with the depression and anxiety. I've never been on any form of meds (outside of my BP meds, and a short stint on a Non Stimulant ADHD med in Middle School), so this will be interesting.
Any updates Jay?
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general? If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.
I started typing out more about how I felt but it is late, I am tired, and it wasn't making any sense, so I deleted it. Just wanted to get that off my virtual chest.
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general? If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.
Excellent post, Tim. I’ll try to offer some more thoughts later at my laptop, but the biggest takeaway here for me is that I think I’ve found a new tag line / catch phrase.
It's my opinion only, and I'm not really prepared to argue this other than to say "to each their own, no judgment", but I personally believe those that say "I don't need therapy" are likely those that need it most. Even those that do have an understanding of their emotions, those that are being honest with themselves, can benefit from the different perspective of someone with knowledge in the way we work and interact, even if that is just an alternative non-judgmental perspective, or a periodic time out to test things with few or no consequences. We live in a complicated and rapidly changing environment, and sometimes it helps to sort that which is truly new and that which is a familiar thing wrapped in a new cloak.
tl;dr version: Therapy - don't knock it 'till you've made an honest effort with it.
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general? If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.
I don't know Chris...I read this and I guess I don't understand. Those people (wife and kids) are probably pretty happy to see you each day.
Maybe you're getting older and experiencing some regret, like sometimes I think, jeesh what have I done? Cure cancer..nope. Solve hunger..nope. Create a really cool app....nope.
But then I remember that I treat people I encounter with respect and dignity, and I derive self satisfaction from that. I take pride in not being an asshole. At the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror.
Is life really a house of cards? Probably, but the only threat to that is self doubt. Doing the right thing should provide fortification.
"What makes you?" Well, what are your thoughts? Your beliefs? They're all important and your place is is defined by them.
I also think the "What makes me" question can be a never ending search, and since it never ends, it's conceivable there'll be some disappointment in attaining it But I kind of view it as a dog chasing its tail. Happy is the dog that stops and licks his balls.
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up. I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others. Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them. I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles. This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping.
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up. I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others. Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them. I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles. This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping.
It's a good thing, for sure, but it has its limitations and there are dangers there too. I only mention this because there was another community I was a regular posting member of for a few years where I thought I was among friends but it turned out that quite a few of them were doxxing me while simultaneously acting as if they were my friends and had no idea who was doing the doxxing. Now, at the time the people doing the doxxing had no way of knowing that everything they put out about me was public information that I had no problem with it being public but when they started posting my home address, phone numbers, company name where I work, phone number where I work, name of some of my co-workers, I had a bit of an "ah-ha" moment where I realized that not everyone online is who they say they are and the relative anonymity of the internet can turn some people into first class fucking assholes.
I don't know Chris...I read this and I guess I don't understand. Those people (wife and kids) are probably pretty happy to see you each day.
Maybe you're getting older and experiencing some regret, like sometimes I think, jeesh what have I done? Cure cancer..nope. Solve hunger..nope. Create a really cool app....nope.
But then I remember that I treat people I encounter with respect and dignity, and I derive self satisfaction from that. I take pride in not being an asshole. At the end of the day I have to look at myself in the mirror.
"What makes you?" Well, what are your thoughts? Your beliefs? They're all important and your place is is defined by them.
tl;dr version: Therapy - don't knock it 'till you've made an honest effort with it.
Diverging a bit... anyone else have feelings of being "lost" for lack of a better word? Like, you do not know what your place is, either in your family, your job/career, or in the world in general? If someone asked me "what makes me me, I would point to my kids and say I am their dad, then to my wife and say I am her spouse. Not too diminish that any, but I wouldn't know what else to say. I never feel like I do not want to get up in the morning (see reasons 1 and 2 above) but outside of them I have little motivation to.
I started typing out more about how I felt but it is late, I am tired, and it wasn't making any sense, so I deleted it. Just wanted to get that off my virtual chest.
One thing I've started to notice recently, is on social media platforms for support groups to start popping up. I met this girl at a Billy Corgan concert who is probably the biggest Smashing Pumpkins fan in the world and I follow her on social media since we met, she started a smashing pumpkins mental health support group on facebook which is super active of people daily sharing their issues and seeking advice and thoughts from others. Also, on discord (a chat app for gamers) I've noticed a few people I follow having their own channels for therapy or mental health, that are also very active with people opening up about their issues and others in the channel supporting them. I feel like this is becoming more and more prominent where people are becoming more open about sharing their struggles. This is a good thing, and while I feel social media definitely adds to the depression and mental health degradation, there are times where social media is also helping.
It's a good thing, for sure, but it has its limitations and there are dangers there too. I only mention this because there was another community I was a regular posting member of for a few years where I thought I was among friends but it turned out that quite a few of them were doxxing me while simultaneously acting as if they were my friends and had no idea who was doing the doxxing. Now, at the time the people doing the doxxing had no way of knowing that everything they put out about me was public information that I had no problem with it being public but when they started posting my home address, phone numbers, company name where I work, phone number where I work, name of some of my co-workers, I had a bit of an "ah-ha" moment where I realized that not everyone online is who they say they are and the relative anonymity of the internet can turn some people into first class fucking assholes.
People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.
People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.
Borther, friend, if it matters to you, I have this discussion with my therapist FREQUENTLY. I remember my first session with her, back in 2012 or so, and she started with "why are you here?" and my answer was "to try to get some perspective". It's only more recently that the "don't fit in this world" part has come up, but trust me when I say, it's not an absolute, objective state of being.
People's lack of perspective blows my mind, and I feel on a daily basis that I don't fit in to this world.
Borther, friend, if it matters to you, I have this discussion with my therapist FREQUENTLY. I remember my first session with her, back in 2012 or so, and she started with "why are you here?" and my answer was "to try to get some perspective". It's only more recently that the "don't fit in this world" part has come up, but trust me when I say, it's not an absolute, objective state of being.
Interesting mate that that term came in recently for you after bringing the initial perspective issue years ago.
Saying that without going too much into it, I've decided to change my perspective on things the best I could. While I agree with you on the 'lost' comment, I'm taking strength in what I'm doing currently and how people rely and perceive me. One can feel lost, but don't look past what you already have and do. I feel that's important and overlooked…. Everyone is different and is put here on this earth for different reasons.
I too have regret and wish I was 26 and not 36 but it's hard to get out of a rut, but you can change and try and get more purpose in your life. How you do that though, I don't know, but getting strength and comfort for what I currently do well is helping me out a lot in this point in time.
One of the hardest parts in balancing my four reasons for being is in doing the things I love to do, regardless of what others think about it (including my wife and kids). Sometimes the hardest part about *that* is knowing what those things are. But once you know what you love to do, do it.
One of the hardest parts in balancing my four reasons for being is in doing the things I love to do, regardless of what others think about it (including my wife and kids). Sometimes the hardest part about *that* is knowing what those things are. But once you know what you love to do, do it.
Until I got married, most of my identity, doing the things I love, involved clubs, bars, women and video games. That was it. Since I obviously cannot partake in those activities (though for a while I was doing the bars and clubs, to a much smaller degree...), I haven't found anything to fill that void. Of course I am much busier now with two kids (thank you for the kind words, by the way, I do enjoy showing them off, and try not to do so in an obnoxious "my kids are the greatest" way), and most of my joy comes from them and the happiness they bring to the family. Outside of them, though, is when I feel most like I am just “existing” as opposed to “living.”
Currently, one in five Americans live with a mental illness, and these rates have been tracking alongside increases in metabolic disease. Yet, conventional psychiatric care does not typically include discussion of food or an assessment of metabolic dysfunction, obesity, or insulin resistance in the evaluation or treatment of mental health conditions.
On this episode of The Doctor’s Farmacy, I was happy to sit down and talk with Dr. Shebani Sethi Dalai about the relationship between mental health and metabolic disease, and how we are gradually coming to understand that inflammation, oxidative stress, and insulin resistance may represent important root causes of many chronic brain illnesses, including many psychiatric disorders.
Dr. Shebani Sethi Dalai is a double board-certified physician in Obesity Medicine and Psychiatry. She is the Founding Director of Stanford University's Metabolic Psychiatry program and Silicon Valley Metabolic Psychiatry, a new center in the San Francisco Bay Area focused on optimizing brain health by integrating low carb nutrition, comprehensive psychiatric care, and treatment of obesity with associated metabolic disease.
So... I still haven't found a therapist, and I swear I shall soon. But I will say that the meds I am taking, which my doc just upped the dosage on, seem to be doing something.
One thing about me is I HATE doing things by myself. Movies. Concerts. Outdoor activities. If I don't have someone to do them with, I just don't do them. Well, I have been going out once a week to hike. Alone. And I have been loving it. This would not have happened 2 months ago. At all. Hell, I was out literally all day today, including a 7 mile hike. It's been amazing.
Which meds are you taking if you don't mind sharing jay?
So... I still haven't found a therapist, and I swear I shall soon. But I will say that the meds I am taking, which my doc just upped the dosage on, seem to be doing something.
One thing about me is I HATE doing things by myself. Movies. Concerts. Outdoor activities. If I don't have someone to do them with, I just don't do them. Well, I have been going out once a week to hike. Alone. And I have been loving it. This would not have happened 2 months ago. At all. Hell, I was out literally all day today, including a 7 mile hike. It's been amazing.
Oh ok. SSRI
That was mentioned to me by my doctor as an option back when I was having issues, but I didn't feel like it was for me so I went the CBD/ Medical Marijuana route, but SSRIs can be pretty effective. They usually take like 4+ weeks to get a steady blood level.
It's really hard to explain. I still feel 100 percent like me. I just feel like there is a slight cushion between me and extreme highs (like anger) and lows (depression). They don't hit as hard. And I've also been more inclined to actually so things that bring me joy... Instead of sitting here getting frustrated.
Now it's a very slight change. But it's just enough to make me feel a lot better
5pm ?
I don't like staying in bed until the afternoon - especially in winter - then you get no daylight. Even if I was awake all night i'm still up by noon. Then just go to bed early.
I need to get some daylight.
5pm ?
I don't like staying in bed until the afternoon - especially in winter - then you get no daylight. Even if I was awake all night i'm still up by noon. Then just go to bed early.
I need to get some daylight.
No, 5am. I get up at 3:30am on most days, for me sleeping until 5am is "sleeping in"
For years, I was up till 12 pm or so every night, and couldn't imagine waking up before 8-9 am. Now, I wake up at 6-6:30 am every morning, even on the weekends. I would love to sleep later on the weekends, but it is hard for me to fall back asleep once I am awake early in the morning. I have a minor case of sleep apnea, so that does not help the overall cause. :facepalm: :facepalm:
I wake up at 4:30 every morning, but go to bed around 9 every night. Kev, do you use a cpap? I have been using one for years. It took a good 2 weeks for me to get used to the mask and now I am not sure I could sleep without the machine.
For years, I was up till 12 pm or so every night, and couldn't imagine waking up before 8-9 am. Now, I wake up at 6-6:30 am every morning, even on the weekends. I would love to sleep later on the weekends, but it is hard for me to fall back asleep once I am awake early in the morning. I have a minor case of sleep apnea, so that does not help the overall cause. :facepalm: :facepalm:
I wake up at 4:30 every morning, but go to bed around 9 every night. Kev, do you use a cpap? I have been using one for years. It took a good 2 weeks for me to get used to the mask and now I am not sure I could sleep without the machine.
I'm sorry, but I need to rant here... TL;DR last paragraph below.
My dad got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about 13 months ago or so. He's slowly declined in health, but his condition wasn't really getting worse, and doctors were doing chemo and other things to shrink the tumor so it could be surgically removed, as it was pushing on his stomach causing him to not be able to digest food. This surgery never came to pass as they were not able to shrink the tumor... Eventually he needed a cane, then eventually he needed a walker, then he couldn't walk far past the end of the driveway, then couldn't get up off the couch very often, just enough to go to the bathroom, then eventually, not at all. In the last few months I could still talk to him, some days were better than others, but some days he couldn't talk too much due to the medication, but he was otherwise still functioning, still using his phone or tablet, still making himself a cup of coffee, etc... Over time he lost most of his body fat and muscle mass. He needed to go to the hospital 3 weeks ago to get a stent put in his liver, but for whatever reason the doctors couldn't get his body response or whatever it was under control so they could do the procedure right away, so we waited. Then he got covid after being in the hospital for a few days, they said they now needed to wait two weeks to quarantine before doing the procedure and gave him the option to stay or go home, and my dad refused to stay longer so he was sent home. That was about two weeks ago.
At some point, he told my mom that he didn't want to go to the hospital anymore, he has had to go there many times over the past year. Early last week, his health started rapidly declining, and he has been put under hospice care since last week. I did not see him for the previous couple of weeks or so because of his contracting of covid and wanting to play it safe, but was texting him here and there before the rapid decline. I finally saw him again. He is bedridden, unable to move much, basically looks like a corpse from the holocaust. He cannot talk, barely responds to anything, and just blankly stares at the TV. I have been stopping by my parent's house almost every day to see him. First couple of days were rough, I was incredibly overwhelmed because of how badly he had declined in such a short time. I could not eat, my entire body felt like I was really sick, I felt immense cold and felt like I needed to bundle up like it was 20 degrees below zero. I cried 4 or 5 times that first day. I laid in bed for 2 days. I still have knots in my stomach, every emotion you can think of I have experienced now in the last 5 days. I have no motivation to work, I can't listen to much music, I put some light jazz on in the background for myself to help keep me calm but that's it. I can't stay focused on anything else besides thinking about my dad. Today I saw him and he looks even worse, and I actually thought he might be dead when I walked in the room. When I first saw him like this, I could sense he was still inside there, but today, I felt like he was just gone. A bag of bones. I can't even pick up the phone to inform my friends what is going on (I don't use social media and my extended family is well aware of what is happening via my mom.) I have no use for social interaction right now, which is why I'm here ranting.
I'm not looking for sympathy, but maybe ways to help me cope with this. I've forced myself to eat something, anything, these last few days, but I either feel nauseous or knots in my stomach at all times, and have a constant desire to bawl out cry. It's 60 degrees out but I feel like I can't wear enough sweat pants and hoodies to stay warm. Walking helps, but only temporarily. Then I just want to go back to bed. I'm thinking of setting up and "moving back in" with my parents this week until the final day comes, just so I can be close by. Sitting at my apartment seems to make things worse for me, mentally. Typing this out helped a little as well, but I am just a mess like I've never been before.
My dad passed Friday morning. Died in his sleep according to the hospice nurse. He was 59, he was going to turn 60 in May.
...you're doing the right thing in reaching out to address your feelings as best you can. If walking helps, walk away. If writing here helps, write away (we'll read it!). If music helps, let us know and we can send you something....
Worth repeating:...you're doing the right thing in reaching out to address your feelings as best you can. If walking helps, walk away. If writing here helps, write away (we'll read it!). If music helps, let us know and we can send you something....
Sad to say, my grandmas succumbed to her condition and passed away this afternoon. She lasted longer than expected, but I was not able to communicate with her at all during this entire time, and it upsets me.
I REALLY want to see someone who I can eventually speak to in person, but whatever.
Jay... best of luck on finding getting what you need. I hope it all works out.
Bill... perhaps the tele-sessions are still fruitful because you *started* with the in-person sessions, and developed the relationship from there. I'm sure it's all very much different starting at tele-health. Unrelated to mental health, I know the business relationships I have with people I've only met on-screen are different than those that I've known and met in-person.
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
I did the thing.
Had a video appointment with a Psychiatrist today. Cool guy. He wants to prescribe me another med to go with my SSRI, but is going to wait until my appointment next week, as he wants to touch bases with my primary doc regarding my Blood Pressure and the possibility of the new meds interacting with my BP meds.
After my next appointment, he's going to help me find a therapist in his office network thing if I haven't found one.
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts. Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing. I am just fed the fuck up. >:(
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts. Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing. I am just fed the fuck up. >:(
Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend. I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today. We'll see how long it lasts. Change for the better is rare, but still happens.
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts. Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing. I am just fed the fuck up. >:(
Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend. I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today. We'll see how long it lasts. Change for the better is rare, but still happens.
I don't agree with that. If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die. That's what I believe.
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts. Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing. I am just fed the fuck up. >:(
Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend. I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today. We'll see how long it lasts. Change for the better is rare, but still happens.
I don't agree with that. If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die. That's what I believe.
I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary.
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts. Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing. I am just fed the fuck up. >:(
Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend. I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today. We'll see how long it lasts. Change for the better is rare, but still happens.
I don't agree with that. If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die. That's what I believe.
I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary.
wishing everyone in this thread peace, love ,strength and support.
the only thing that stays consistent in life is change, so when its bad it wont stay bad.. it will get better.
Love to all
EV,, out
Sorry my friend, but in this day and age, change is never for the better and when something good does happen, it never lasts. Leave it up to the decisions of so-called leaders who always make sure that people never get too much of a good thing. I am just fed the fuck up. >:(
Actually, what you said is somewhat true my friend. I did have some bad turn to good unexpectedly today. We'll see how long it lasts. Change for the better is rare, but still happens.
I don't agree with that. If we don't change, we stagnate, and we die. That's what I believe.
I don't agree with it either, not all change is good but change is often necessary.
Depends on the change. I never said change wasn't necessary. I'm talking about change brought on by a decision that someone made affecting my life. That is usually never a good thing. However, change in my life that is decided by me has a better chance of succeeding and usually does.
I'm glad to hear that you aren't having any dark days and are sticking to it :tup. Thank you for the update :)
Maybe I need to slightly up the dosage as I seem to be mostly medium but still neither really happy or hopeless.
Reducing my dosage of other people usually works pretty well.
Reducing my dosage of other people usually works pretty well.
Why the “welp” then?
And speaking from experience, that's the problem. We get so used to feeling a certain way, that it becomes normal, and we can't imagine looking at things any differently.
Why the “welp” then?
I didn't even realize I said that :lol
I'm just so used to being negative I guess
:dunno: Nah i'd love to be happy. honestly. but literally nothing works. nothing.
Almost as if i hadn't tried several things and they didn't work for me !
And no - I do not think things will ever be better.
Well..I have Drumeo Edge for a year so I can watch all of Todds Zoom classes - but not participate.
Still cool though.:)
Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.
You don't travel with ear plugs? I always used to... for the times when the walls were thin or some convention was in town. You get in those hotels with all the rooms on the outer walls, and just an open 'column' in the middle, and fuck does the sound from the lobby/bar travel.
Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.
Can't you just get high? I feel like that's why no one else noticed it.
I've heard everything non-essential is closed after like 5 PM though so you'll have to get high in advance.
This mask shit, on or off?
https://www.aier.org/article/medical-journal-warns-about-maskss-potentially-devastating-consequences/
This mask shit, on or off?
https://www.aier.org/article/medical-journal-warns-about-maskss-potentially-devastating-consequences/
Is this even the right thread for this?
Also https://retractionwatch.com/2021/04/29/mask-study-was-misleading-and-misquotes-citations-says-elsevier/ (https://retractionwatch.com/2021/04/29/mask-study-was-misleading-and-misquotes-citations-says-elsevier/)
Just got a call from a coworker. A long time coworker and friend suffered a massive heart attack this weekend and is expected to pass tonight. I talk with him all the time. I've been to his condo in Chicago several times. He sends Christmas goodies to my family every year. He worked on Thursday. We talked. Everything was fine. Now it's not. We built so much together at our job and it feels like a limb has been cut off. This is the second close friend I have lost on the job in the last 2 years. It just sucks.
Then, while reaching out to an even longer coworker and friend to let him know what is going on, he tells me his wife passed on Wednesday from cancer. He hadn't even told anyone yet. Talk about a gut punch. I lost my love for this holiday a long time ago. This has made me hate it that much more.
But when my wife kept asking me what I want for Christmas, I just wanted to shout at her all I wanted was for our families to be together.
My father has dementia and alzheimer since a couple of years and this year it has gotten worse and more noticable. He often says that he dosen't believe he's at home when he's at home. My mother has a tough time convincing him that he's infact at home.
Sometimes when I visit he want's me to drive him home because his wife (my mother) dosen't wanna call a taxi which is actually kinda funny.
Since non of my siblings lives at home anymore my mother has it really rough and that's the part that's really saddens me. I can see that it's wearing her down and it won't get easier either.
The fact that you can't really help or do anything about it is the frustrating part. I try to call and visit as often as I can, all my siblings do and be as supportive as we can.
He's slowling fading away and that thought makes me so sad.
Thank you so much for the words. :heart I say the same about your mother, so sorry to hear that.My father has dementia and alzheimer since a couple of years and this year it has gotten worse and more noticable. He often says that he dosen't believe he's at home when he's at home. My mother has a tough time convincing him that he's infact at home.
Sometimes when I visit he want's me to drive him home because his wife (my mother) dosen't wanna call a taxi which is actually kinda funny.
Since non of my siblings lives at home anymore my mother has it really rough and that's the part that's really saddens me. I can see that it's wearing her down and it won't get easier either.
The fact that you can't really help or do anything about it is the frustrating part. I try to call and visit as often as I can, all my siblings do and be as supportive as we can.
He's slowling fading away and that thought makes me so sad.
I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I know this pain, its almost like you feel guilty not being there 24/7 but having you're own responsibilities make it impossible. After losing my father to brain cancer as the pandemic started my mom has been slowly slipping away emotionally and now she will not eat or take her diabetes and blood pressure meds let alone tend to her personal hygiene. She is losing a sense of reality and she looks hollow when I look in her eyes and now she is starting to fall frequently, its horrific. Shes 71 but used to be so strong. My heart is TRULY with you and you're family. If you ever need to vent or talk please reach out. :heart
I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile). Hope he is doing ok.
I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile). Hope he is doing ok.
I thought about him too the other day. Couldn't help but to think negative things but yeah hopefully he's okay.
I just noticed Kotowboy has not posted in 2 months or been active. (According to his profile). Hope he is doing ok.
I thought about him too the other day. Couldn't help but to think negative things but yeah hopefully he's okay.
He got perma banned - check his post history and you'll see why.
I've been having a lot of health issues recently, and the anxiety is starting to get to me.
I've been sick on regular basis since my son started daycare a year ago. It IS getting better (went from a new cold/flu every week, to maybe something every 3-4 weeks). But after bout 2 of Hand, Foot, and Mouth last month, I had an incredible scare where my joints locked up and I lost like 70% of my grip strength/fine motor skills for 1-2 days. Then, last night, I was so tired and sick feeling, and I kept having chills that were causing involuntary tremors in my whole body. I just felt so sad, like something was seriously wrong with me. I can't even imagine getting some kind of horrible diagnosis and knowing that I won't be healthy enough to play as active a role in my son's life as I want. Even now, I've been letting Mommy do a lot of the heavy lifting. I've just been really sore/stiff lately, in addition to exhausted, and rarely feeling well.
Went through a whole thing with Orthopedics, doing a nerve test on my arm and everything, but nothing turned up. So next step is to talk to my GP about getting some kind of blood work done to evaluate potential arthritis.
On another note: the chills and full body tremors are something that I never experienced except as a side-effect to shot 3 of the vaccine. So now I've got that paranoia working for me.
I've been having a lot of health issues recently, and the anxiety is starting to get to me.
I've been sick on regular basis since my son started daycare a year ago. It IS getting better (went from a new cold/flu every week, to maybe something every 3-4 weeks). But after bout 2 of Hand, Foot, and Mouth last month, I had an incredible scare where my joints locked up and I lost like 70% of my grip strength/fine motor skills for 1-2 days. Then, last night, I was so tired and sick feeling, and I kept having chills that were causing involuntary tremors in my whole body. I just felt so sad, like something was seriously wrong with me. I can't even imagine getting some kind of horrible diagnosis and knowing that I won't be healthy enough to play as active a role in my son's life as I want. Even now, I've been letting Mommy do a lot of the heavy lifting. I've just been really sore/stiff lately, in addition to exhausted, and rarely feeling well.
Went through a whole thing with Orthopedics, doing a nerve test on my arm and everything, but nothing turned up. So next step is to talk to my GP about getting some kind of blood work done to evaluate potential arthritis.
On another note: the chills and full body tremors are something that I never experienced except as a side-effect to shot 3 of the vaccine. So now I've got that paranoia working for me.
I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. :|
I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. :|
Tom, you've kind of summed up a lot of thoughts I've had the last six months. I kind of have a lot of thoughts I could express but I'm at my desk on my phone and wouldn't know where to start.
Just know, that you are certainly not alone in your thinking. As Tim said, you've become an integral part of this family here and we value you greatly.
I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. :|
I genuinely don't get the point of existence. Happiness is never without trial and not every one has the will power to endure what life throws at them. I don't want to live just to pay taxes and wallow in poverty for another 20 or 30 years. I cannot believe that I even made it to 52 with how little talent I have. Life sucks and I want off this mortal coil, maybe then I'll have the complete freedom that life cannot bring me. Just really tired and needed to vent. I really try to be optimistic but I keep falling. :|
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few. I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions. Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me. It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few. I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions. Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me. It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few. I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions. Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me. It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few. I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions. Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me. It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode. In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself. No relationships to speak of. No going out and spending money at bars every weekend.
As little driving as possible. The least amount of contact with others as possible. Which leads to my next point...
Actually, I do neither. Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise? It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few. I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions. Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me. It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode. In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself. No relationships to speak of. No going out and spending money at bars every weekend.
As little driving as possible. The least amount of contact with others as possible. Which leads to my next point...
Actually, I do neither. Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise? It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.
I'm gonna let it fly, ready? Self preservation is fucking SURVIVAL!!! Fuck any and everyone's opinion! You do not owe anyone an explanation of what or why!!!! I'm so fucking tired of the emotional fuckery in the world!!! I refuse to be judged by anyone, nor will I judge anyone. No one walks in my shoes and knows what the fuck I'm going through! If you don't like it!!! BYE BYE!!!! I agree with you 100 fucking percent.
2022 has been the shits it seems for more than a few. I'm at a point where I have zero fuck's to give about anything ... just existing and going thru the motions. Hard to care about much, least of all myself, when it seems like no one else cares about the things that matter to me. It's hard to keep filling up the tank by myself, and right now, I'm on empty.
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you're sad.
I totally get it, but for me, it's self preservation mode. In the last year, I've kept pretty much to myself. No relationships to speak of. No going out and spending money at bars every weekend.
As little driving as possible. The least amount of contact with others as possible. Which leads to my next point...
Actually, I do neither. Why should I fake being happy for someone else's sake and why should I have to explain otherwise? It's not like anyone cares and it's none of their business anyway.
I'm gonna let it fly, ready? Self preservation is fucking SURVIVAL!!! Fuck any and everyone's opinion! You do not owe anyone an explanation of what or why!!!! I'm so fucking tired of the emotional fuckery in the world!!! I refuse to be judged by anyone, nor will I judge anyone. No one walks in my shoes and knows what the fuck I'm going through! If you don't like it!!! BYE BYE!!!! I agree with you 100 fucking percent.
I'll just found this out today, I mean I'm not even sure how to feel about it...
My Brother-In-Law had been seeing a therapist for a few months due to feeling depressed. Couple of weeks ago he had his session cancelled, he found out over this weekend it was because his therapist committed suicide.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acoute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acoute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9. It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left. He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.
He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.
I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)
People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9. It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left. He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.
He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.
I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)
People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.
That is all very heartbreaking to read. I have a 21 y/o son with not depression issues, but he is autistic with challenges that come from that. It's too bad your husband couldn't get on board with the proper care for his son. As a parent of a child with challenges, it's very disappointing to read that, and I feel bad that you're going this alone. I've always said, a child needs all the love and support they can get. It's one of the main issues I have with my parents as they have pretty much ignored my kids their whole life. A big loss for my son. Thankfully, my wife has a large family that loves him.
Anyway, I bolded the last paragraph because I don't go to many concerts either. My wife will not leave our son alone for the night (not all night, just concert hours night). I'm not going alone, that doesn't really work here, and I don't really have a concert buddy. I do pick the really important shows and we figure it out. Now, it involves my other son going with me, or him being home with his brother.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acoute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9. It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left. He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.
He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.
I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)
People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.
I feel for all of you suffering. I hear you though, and am giving you all a hug.
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9. It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left. He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.
He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.
I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)
People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.
I feel for all of you suffering. I hear you though, and am giving you all a hug.
This is heartbreaking to read. All best to you and your son geeemo. It's things like this that make me want to give myself an uppercut when I feel like shit. I have no reason to, I envy people like you, so strong and amazing with real daily battles. You sound like an amazing mother and person.
So I have at least two, maybe three people UNDER MY ROOF that are battling some level of depression (thankfully they are all getting help). I don't think I'm depressed per se - my therapist doesn't think so - but I'm in that group, in that it seems more of an uphill battle each day, and there seems to be more and more incentive to both drink and play PlayStation on any given day after work. But this is an interesting conversation; where is the line and how do we balance that? I don't know that I get any salvation from telling people "life's treating me like a baby treats a diaper, thanks!". Isn't the "zero fucks given" sort of what we write about in some of the other threads?
None of this is meant to be insensitive; we're among friends here so it's different.
I have a 21 year old son that has been battling depression, anxiety disorder for many years. He has been seeing psychiatrist and therapists since he was 9. It was all going fairly well, but he had a very big breakdown when he was 16. He was an avid athlete and a baseball prospect. He quit baseball, and focused on basketball. Was recruited and had scholarships to play in college.
But then he needed ankle surgery. He found out right before he left. He had had trouble before, but we all thought the summer rest and PT was going to do the trick.
Anyway he went to college for 2 days, realized he couldn't connect with the players on the team as they all met to run etc. He had the surgery, rehabbed, got re-recruited to a JC as he had lost confidence. Then covid and online school happened. And fires in the mountain town the college was in. All too much, and he begged to be put into a mental hospital and couldn't go to college. That was in 2020.
He was in outpatient for 5 weeks/30 hours per week at the mental hospital. No better. He has no friends, no way to feel better as sports was his way. He has learning disabilities, and is limited in things he can do.
I have been to every dr., therapist visit and my own therapist as well. One reason is to understand how to parent a child with MI differently. My husband never would go, and now the marriage after 26 years is busted. I live with my son, who just can't get over the hump. He is developing a throat clearing tic and he messes with his eye so much that it gets infected at times. (another anxiety issue)
People, no matter how much they want to care and understand, have not a clue. Its a sucky life, but way worse for him than me. I am limited in how much I can be away from him. Concerts are one way for me to self-care. But going (especially out of town - and I save that for very special shows, DT and JP pretty much) requires an enormous amount of work ahead of time, and I have to try to find someone to stay with or check on him.
That is all very heartbreaking to read. I have a 21 y/o son with not depression issues, but he is autistic with challenges that come from that. It's too bad your husband couldn't get on board with the proper care for his son. As a parent of a child with challenges, it's very disappointing to read that, and I feel bad that you're going this alone. I've always said, a child needs all the love and support they can get. It's one of the main issues I have with my parents as they have pretty much ignored my kids their whole life. A big loss for my son. Thankfully, my wife has a large family that loves him.
Anyway, I bolded the last paragraph because I don't go to many concerts either. My wife will not leave our son alone for the night (not all night, just concert hours night). I'm not going alone, that doesn't really work here, and I don't really have a concert buddy. I do pick the really important shows and we figure it out. Now, it involves my other son going with me, or him being home with his brother.
Kade, that's an amazing post.
Kev, on the other hand... ;D
Kade, that's an amazing post.
Kev, on the other hand... ;D
Tomorrow, wake up knowing this fat ass is hugging you.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
The other thing I want to add is that I beat myself up daily for allowing myself to use my accident as an excuse. I get scolded from my misses about it considering what happened but it's true. I feel, even in darkest times, let things sink in and take time to deal with them but remember there's always someone worse off. Try your hardest to see if issues you are facing can somehow be put aside, even for a little bit. I've let it wallow which for me is disappointing.
I think the longer things manifest, the more it can become an excuse to allow you to continue to be down. I've never spoken to any shrink or gotten professional help, I refuse to but if my words offend anyone that actually have had depression issues diagnosed please feel free to comment. Everyone is different I guess.
The other thing I want to add is that I beat myself up daily for allowing myself to use my accident as an excuse. I get scolded from my misses about it considering what happened but it's true. I feel, even in darkest times, let things sink in and take time to deal with them but remember there's always someone worse off. Try your hardest to see if issues you are facing can somehow be put aside, even for a little bit. I've let it wallow which for me is disappointing.
I think the longer things manifest, the more it can become an excuse to allow you to continue to be down. I've never spoken to any shrink or gotten professional help, I refuse to but if my words offend anyone that actually have had depression issues diagnosed please feel free to comment. Everyone is different I guess.
I read both parts of this. Bottom line, mental illness is the "invisible monster" as I have suffered my entire life, its VERY real but it has made me a kinder and more compassionate person. I navigate through crippling anxiety and debilitating panic attacks every day since I was 15. 2 of my 3 boys suffer as well. Bottom line, I stopped overthinking and giving a crap what others think because it doesn't serve me. I don't think about yesterday or tomorrow and that helps me immensely. I finally got to a point where I do not react angrily or aggressively to any bad situation. I stop, breathe, and respond calmly. Great post Kade. I'm here to speak ANYTIME if you ever need to. I mean that.
Kade, I'm glad you're around to share your pain. My shoulder is here for you. Love you man. Tomorrow, wake up knowing this fat ass is hugging you.
Wow, man. That's fucking awful. Let's pray the worst case scenario doesn't play out. Hopefully the tests in Chicago prove to be something more manageable.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
Today has sucked. All tests that would've shown a clot came up empty. I kinda wish they had found one because what they are talking about now is way worse. They are thinking she has interstitial lung disease, for which there is no cure. Essentially, they think her lungs have started to scar, which is permanent. She needs a special biopsy to confirm but the hospital she is in now does not do that. It is part of the system I work for and they want to transport her into Chicago to our main hospital to do the procedure there. She is not even stable enough at the moment to get the procedure so we are not even sure when this is going to happen.
If this is confirmed, she is possibly looking at a life of oxygen, steroids and immunosuppressants for the rest of her life with the worst case being eventual lung transplant.
After she called me and gave me the news, I shut off my work laptop and just left for the hospital. Didn't tell anyone I was leaving. Just messaged my bosses a few minutes ago and told them I can't work tomorrow. They both responded and said that taking time off was a good idea. It's also my son's birthday and now we are trying to figure out how to have a gathering at the hospital instead of our house.
I'm just at a loss right now.
I keep meaning to post something here but not sure where to start. I will though.
Dublagent, can I ask what's lead you to live like you have the last year and have you always been that way? I get what you mean though and for me it's just work and home at the moment. But I've always kinda been like that.
I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there.
I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there.
That's a red flag, brother. It shouldn't be looked any other way. And it's ok for you to question it because it's well....questionable. You don't have to consider your parents and ex-girlfriend. None of that matters to what will happen in a future relationship, good or bad.
I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there.
That's a red flag, brother. It shouldn't be looked any other way. And it's ok for you to question it because it's well....questionable. You don't have to consider your parents and ex-girlfriend. None of that matters to what will happen in a future relationship, good or bad.
How do I even approach her about this?
I keep meaning to post something here but not sure where to start. I will though.
Dublagent, can I ask what's lead you to live like you have the last year and have you always been that way? I get what you mean though and for me it's just work and home at the moment. But I've always kinda been like that.
Sorry man, just saw your post. Yes, I’ve pretty much always been that way. Never married. No kids. Been in lots of relationships, but none lasting more than 5 years. This last year has been more about saving money for my retirement goal in 4 years. Plus, these days, I just don’t feel like being around a lot people. Concerts have pretty much come to a stop. Working from home 3 days a week. It all just makes sense to chill out and try to weather this economic storm.
However, for me it’s mostly a personality thing. This is gonna make you laugh, but long ago as a kid one time, my mom sent me to my room for whatever I did. 3 hours later I’m still playing in my room. I think I’ve always been able to be happy on my own for the most part. I do like going out with friends once in a while, but not so much lately.
Man I’ve been having a rough time these past few weeks. Apparently I have some unresolved trauma from my past that’s coming back.
As a writers assistant for Nick Cannon’s Wild N Out, my girlfriend has to travel for work sometimes. She left for Atlanta for this season on August 24th and she’s coming back on September 24th. I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there. My mind tends to escalate things, and I’ve been on a bit of a spiral since then. She’s never given me any reason not to trust her, but I have severe trust issues from my dad’s infidelity and my parents’ subsequent divorce along with my ex-girlfriend and her repeated cheating throughout our nearly eight year relationship, and my mind is assuming the worst. I can’t bring it up to my girlfriend as it would really hurt her because she’s been nothing but great to me, and I know deep down that I can trust her, but my crippling self-doubt has been destroying me for the past couple of weeks to the point that I’ve been feeling physically ill. I don’t know what to do, and part of me feels like I deserve it.
Man I’ve been having a rough time these past few weeks. Apparently I have some unresolved trauma from my past that’s coming back.
As a writers assistant for Nick Cannon’s Wild N Out, my girlfriend has to travel for work sometimes. She left for Atlanta for this season on August 24th and she’s coming back on September 24th. I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there. My mind tends to escalate things, and I’ve been on a bit of a spiral since then. She’s never given me any reason not to trust her, but I have severe trust issues from my dad’s infidelity and my parents’ subsequent divorce along with my ex-girlfriend and her repeated cheating throughout our nearly eight year relationship, and my mind is assuming the worst. I can’t bring it up to my girlfriend as it would really hurt her because she’s been nothing but great to me, and I know deep down that I can trust her, but my crippling self-doubt has been destroying me for the past couple of weeks to the point that I’ve been feeling physically ill. I don’t know what to do, and part of me feels like I deserve it.
How long have you guys been together?
Tim is kinda right, that's a bit of a red flag mate.
I've really felt down the last few days. Just kind of have that feeling like my life is over, if I were to die tomorrow, it'd suck for my wife/kid, but also, not so much for me, I'd just feel bad about how much work my wife is being left with to do on her own.
Feels very shameful to say, especially when you have people in this very thread who are grappling with their own mortality in a way very more present than I am. But it's a really hard feeling to shake, like my own life is just one task after the next.
I keep meaning to post something here but not sure where to start. I will though.
Dublagent, can I ask what's lead you to live like you have the last year and have you always been that way? I get what you mean though and for me it's just work and home at the moment. But I've always kinda been like that.
Sorry man, just saw your post. Yes, I’ve pretty much always been that way. Never married. No kids. Been in lots of relationships, but none lasting more than 5 years. This last year has been more about saving money for my retirement goal in 4 years. Plus, these days, I just don’t feel like being around a lot people. Concerts have pretty much come to a stop. Working from home 3 days a week. It all just makes sense to chill out and try to weather this economic storm.
However, for me it’s mostly a personality thing. This is gonna make you laugh, but long ago as a kid one time, my mom sent me to my room for whatever I did. 3 hours later I’m still playing in my room. I think I’ve always been able to be happy on my own for the most part. I do like going out with friends once in a while, but not so much lately.
Thanks for the sharing your thoughts there mate. I figured as much, I can mostly relate. That doesn't make me laugh though. I was kind of the same. Wanted a hobby, picked up the guitar and rarely came out again. As I get older too, I prefer my own company, with the misses of course. But even we like time apart and do our own things differently. I don't try and get away from her to go out 'with the boys,' I get away to have my own time.
My wanting and needing for friends has just gone downhill. I always thought it was crazy I never really wanted many friends and go out and be social as I was getting older but the older I get, the more comfortable I am with not needing that. We live this life alone essentially and I realised you need to do things for yourself. So these days while others are out socializing and whatnot, I'll be out there running, improving my guitar skills or just having time out. I want to improve myself, not waste time on people who don't really give a fuck about me.
Choosing this place is better anyway, there's more people here that give a fuck about me than people in real life, so I'm blessed and happy with that.
I keep meaning to post something here but not sure where to start. I will though.
Dublagent, can I ask what's lead you to live like you have the last year and have you always been that way? I get what you mean though and for me it's just work and home at the moment. But I've always kinda been like that.
Sorry man, just saw your post. Yes, I’ve pretty much always been that way. Never married. No kids. Been in lots of relationships, but none lasting more than 5 years. This last year has been more about saving money for my retirement goal in 4 years. Plus, these days, I just don’t feel like being around a lot people. Concerts have pretty much come to a stop. Working from home 3 days a week. It all just makes sense to chill out and try to weather this economic storm.
However, for me it’s mostly a personality thing. This is gonna make you laugh, but long ago as a kid one time, my mom sent me to my room for whatever I did. 3 hours later I’m still playing in my room. I think I’ve always been able to be happy on my own for the most part. I do like going out with friends once in a while, but not so much lately.
Thanks for the sharing your thoughts there mate. I figured as much, I can mostly relate. That doesn't make me laugh though. I was kind of the same. Wanted a hobby, picked up the guitar and rarely came out again. As I get older too, I prefer my own company, with the misses of course. But even we like time apart and do our own things differently. I don't try and get away from her to go out 'with the boys,' I get away to have my own time.
My wanting and needing for friends has just gone downhill. I always thought it was crazy I never really wanted many friends and go out and be social as I was getting older but the older I get, the more comfortable I am with not needing that. We live this life alone essentially and I realised you need to do things for yourself. So these days while others are out socializing and whatnot, I'll be out there running, improving my guitar skills or just having time out. I want to improve myself, not waste time on people who don't really give a fuck about me.
Choosing this place is better anyway, there's more people here that give a fuck about me than people in real life, so I'm blessed and happy with that.
That's understandable. I think aging has quite a bit to do with it too, but some people just have the right personality to be constantly on the go and always in a socializing mood. I say do whatever makes you happy bro! :tup
Man I’ve been having a rough time these past few weeks. Apparently I have some unresolved trauma from my past that’s coming back.
As a writers assistant for Nick Cannon’s Wild N Out, my girlfriend has to travel for work sometimes. She left for Atlanta for this season on August 24th and she’s coming back on September 24th. I was supposed to go visit her for Labor Day weekend, but earlier in the week she told me not to come because she needed time to herself as that weekend would be her first days off since she got there. My mind tends to escalate things, and I’ve been on a bit of a spiral since then. She’s never given me any reason not to trust her, but I have severe trust issues from my dad’s infidelity and my parents’ subsequent divorce along with my ex-girlfriend and her repeated cheating throughout our nearly eight year relationship, and my mind is assuming the worst. I can’t bring it up to my girlfriend as it would really hurt her because she’s been nothing but great to me, and I know deep down that I can trust her, but my crippling self-doubt has been destroying me for the past couple of weeks to the point that I’ve been feeling physically ill. I don’t know what to do, and part of me feels like I deserve it.
How long have you guys been together?
Tim is kinda right, that's a bit of a red flag mate.
We’ve been together for three and a half years. We spoke last night and even then she was working on her day off (she sent me a picture of what she was working on). She’s barely spoken to her family while she’s down there, which is an entirely different issue that I want to talk to her about when she gets back because I’m worried she’s getting lost in her work and losing sight of those important to her, but we talked things out.
I've really felt down the last few days. Just kind of have that feeling like my life is over, if I were to die tomorrow, it'd suck for my wife/kid, but also, not so much for me, I'd just feel bad about how much work my wife is being left with to do on her own.
Feels very shameful to say, especially when you have people in this very thread who are grappling with their own mortality in a way very more present than I am. But it's a really hard feeling to shake, like my own life is just one task after the next.
I've really felt down the last few days. Just kind of have that feeling like my life is over, if I were to die tomorrow, it'd suck for my wife/kid, but also, not so much for me, I'd just feel bad about how much work my wife is being left with to do on her own.
Feels very shameful to say, especially when you have people in this very thread who are grappling with their own mortality in a way very more present than I am. But it's a really hard feeling to shake, like my own life is just one task after the next.
Your wife and child don't give you something you want to live for? Genuine question.
I've really felt down the last few days. Just kind of have that feeling like my life is over, if I were to die tomorrow, it'd suck for my wife/kid, but also, not so much for me, I'd just feel bad about how much work my wife is being left with to do on her own.
Feels very shameful to say, especially when you have people in this very thread who are grappling with their own mortality in a way very more present than I am. But it's a really hard feeling to shake, like my own life is just one task after the next.
Your wife and child don't give you something you want to live for? Genuine question.
Oh they give me something to live for. But just because you get married and become a parent doesn't mean that you automatically feel 100% fulfilled in life. It's hard work- the hardest job I've ever had. I envy guys who can just be 100% into their wife and kids and have no personal aspirations outside the family. But also, I've met exactly 0 of them. Kids grow up, women also have aspirations outside of you, pouring everything into that and not working toward any sense of self fulfillment beyond the family seems like a recipe for some codependent issues to me
I've really felt down the last few days. Just kind of have that feeling like my life is over, if I were to die tomorrow, it'd suck for my wife/kid, but also, not so much for me, I'd just feel bad about how much work my wife is being left with to do on her own.
Feels very shameful to say, especially when you have people in this very thread who are grappling with their own mortality in a way very more present than I am. But it's a really hard feeling to shake, like my own life is just one task after the next.
Your wife and child don't give you something you want to live for? Genuine question.
Oh they give me something to live for. But just because you get married and become a parent doesn't mean that you automatically feel 100% fulfilled in life. It's hard work- the hardest job I've ever had. I envy guys who can just be 100% into their wife and kids and have no personal aspirations outside the family. But also, I've met exactly 0 of them. Kids grow up, women also have aspirations outside of you, pouring everything into that and not working toward any sense of self fulfillment beyond the family seems like a recipe for some codependent issues to me
A hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
I get that, this year I've had heaps of days of days where nothing gives me pleasure, everything single fucking thing is a chore. I just accept it, that's life in my eyes. :lol
Can I ask, has getting professional help actually helped?
QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
Of course. Sorry if I came across like a dick. A busted appliance, car problems, it is always something. It can get to you for sure.
QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
Of course. Sorry if I came across like a dick. A busted appliance, car problems, it is always something. It can get to you for sure.
Yep, totally. This week we've had an asthma attack, a busted toilet (our only one), a 4x higher than normal electric bill (still working that one), as well as awaiting some medical test results for myself. The kinda week that makes you wonder why even bother to have hobby or something.
QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
I get that, this year I've had heaps of days of days where nothing gives me pleasure, everything single fucking thing is a chore. I just accept it, that's life in my eyes. :lol
Can I ask, has getting professional help actually helped?
I'd say yes, for sure. When I started I was experiencing anger issues like never before. Just getting mad all the time, lashing out, etc. Being someone I dont want to be. Professional help has helped identity the emotions and conflicts behind the anger and it's not really a problem anymore. The anxiety has been harder to manage though. There's a lot going on, and always at least a few unresolved issues to worry about.QuoteA hobby? Job satisfaction? DTFing? Listening to music? These are all things that provide enjoyment to my day that I do for myself. Is there nothing that you can do or think of that makes YOU smile during the day?
Well, please keep in mind I was just venting, I'm working through all of this stuff with professional help and I don't need the form to bail me out or fix it for me. But to answer your question, there are many days where I cant find enjoyment in a single thing because all the other anxieties and pressures of home and work take up every bit of mental energy I have. It could be something very simple, like a broken appliance, but I just can't let it go and relax even if I've done all I can do at the moment.
My wife and I talk about this quite a bit and I am actively looking for some kind of hobby or thing I can do outside to have a break and find some enjoyment but, as wolf said, easier said than done.
Of course. Sorry if I came across like a dick. A busted appliance, car problems, it is always something. It can get to you for sure.
Yep, totally. This week we've had an asthma attack, a busted toilet (our only one), a 4x higher than normal electric bill (still working that one), as well as awaiting some medical test results for myself. The kinda week that makes you wonder why even bother to have hobby or something.
Yep, totally. This week we've had an asthma attack, a busted toilet (our only one), a 4x higher than normal electric bill (still working that one), as well as awaiting some medical test results for myself. The kinda week that makes you wonder why even bother to have hobby or something.
It's actually the kind of week that makes you wonder why you don't have one.
All the best going forward, my man. Hope the medical tests work out. That's the most important thing.
Thanks for the response there Skeever. I just feel funny about even entertaining the idea of professional help PERSONALLY. I guess I know my emotions and why I am how I am and feel how I feel. Ego issues, upbringings, parents, relationships with parents and siblings, when you look deep inside you can really realise where a lot of issues stem from, so I guess I feel I'm good enough at doing that than getting help. I also am in constant denial and think I don't need it.......which, I don't. :lol
Acceptance of a lot of things helps me too. You can accept which makes sufferable things less sufferable but always allow and know within yourself you can change. You have to want to though, I know that's hard for me.
Thanks for the response there Skeever. I just feel funny about even entertaining the idea of professional help PERSONALLY. I guess I know my emotions and why I am how I am and feel how I feel. Ego issues, upbringings, parents, relationships with parents and siblings, when you look deep inside you can really realise where a lot of issues stem from, so I guess I feel I'm good enough at doing that than getting help. I also am in constant denial and think I don't need it.......which, I don't. :lol
Acceptance of a lot of things helps me too. You can accept which makes sufferable things less sufferable but always allow and know within yourself you can change. You have to want to though, I know that's hard for me.
I feel like I know where you're coming from and I debated it myself for a long time. And I felt like I understood my emotions and my upbringing very well, and I would also occasionally read some books about emotions or psychology. But talk therapy has cut out a lot of the noise. It's like " yeah, you could teach yourself guitar on YouTube". But also, you could find a teacher who knows you very well, and giving you personalized advice. For me the breaking point was the anger, that was never part of who I was before, and thus a pretty clear sign that things had gotten out of my control.
Not sure where you're from, but care here is both scarce and expensive. It took months to find somebody who was both right for me and accepting my insurance. And a lot of times I would give up this search because I'd start feeling better on my own. Then I'd go through a rough patch and have to start all over again.
Thanks for the response there Skeever. I just feel funny about even entertaining the idea of professional help PERSONALLY. I guess I know my emotions and why I am how I am and feel how I feel. Ego issues, upbringings, parents, relationships with parents and siblings, when you look deep inside you can really realise where a lot of issues stem from, so I guess I feel I'm good enough at doing that than getting help. I also am in constant denial and think I don't need it.......which, I don't. :lol
Acceptance of a lot of things helps me too. You can accept which makes sufferable things less sufferable but always allow and know within yourself you can change. You have to want to though, I know that's hard for me.
I feel like I know where you're coming from and I debated it myself for a long time. And I felt like I understood my emotions and my upbringing very well, and I would also occasionally read some books about emotions or psychology. But talk therapy has cut out a lot of the noise. It's like " yeah, you could teach yourself guitar on YouTube". But also, you could find a teacher who knows you very well, and giving you personalized advice. For me the breaking point was the anger, that was never part of who I was before, and thus a pretty clear sign that things had gotten out of my control.
Not sure where you're from, but care here is both scarce and expensive. It took months to find somebody who was both right for me and accepting my insurance. And a lot of times I would give up this search because I'd start feeling better on my own. Then I'd go through a rough patch and have to start all over again.
Totally agree with that, Stadler. I thought I was doing a good job understanding myself, but when I would explain issues I was having with my therapist, the line of questioning she would ask often took me to unexpected places. No in the old-school psychological, "so, you're in love with your mother?" or "let's unpack childhood traumas" kind of way, but in a way that has helped me identity certain patterns of thought that I was not really recognizing - for example, a tendency to internalize, and just generally think in ways that betrayed my own insecurities.
For what it's worth, I'm feeling a lot better than I was when I made that post a few days ago.
I started just listing out all the random shit I was going through at work and home, and assigned a status to it. Then I started chipping away at things that were in my control. I realized, within an hour or so, that I had done almost everything I could do at the moment, and no longer felt the need to anxiously shift focus from one thing to the next without actually solving anything. "Journaling" like this is something I'm going to think about more, as it may be very beneficial to keeping some of the stressors that lead to these negative emotions resulting in anger or depression at bay.
My biggest breakthrough has just been really to be kinder to myself. I still worry that I'm going soft, but the results are unassailable, so maybe "soft" isn't the worst thing in the world.
My biggest breakthrough has just been really to be kinder to myself. I still worry that I'm going soft, but the results are unassailable, so maybe "soft" isn't the worst thing in the world.
Can you explain this?
My biggest breakthrough has just been really to be kinder to myself. I still worry that I'm going soft, but the results are unassailable, so maybe "soft" isn't the worst thing in the world.
Can you explain this?
Yeah; I have a tendency to judge my thoughts and feelings. "That's bad" or "that's something I should feel guilty about". Guilt in the sort of Catholic School sense. And she's helped me to recognize that I can't control my feelings, only what I do with them, and even then, "what I do with them" doesn't necessarily mean reject them out of hand or whatever. And for some of those feelings, it led me to be hard on myself, either in terms of rigidity of thought, or rigidity of action, and that didn't always lead to the best outcomes, especially in my first marriage.
She helped me to relinquish some of that control; that's not really true, because I never had that control to begin with so there's nothing to relinquish, so it's really about letting go the ILLUSION of control. That sometimes felt like I was selling myself short, or being passive.
I'm still unclear what Bill meant by "soft" though. Is letting something go being soft? Is not wasting energy fighting for something that is not worth it or out of your control being soft?
I'm still unclear what Bill meant by "soft" though. Is letting something go being soft? Is not wasting energy fighting for something that is not worth it or out of your control being soft?
I guess weak is another synonym for it.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
Today has sucked. All tests that would've shown a clot came up empty. I kinda wish they had found one because what they are talking about now is way worse. They are thinking she has interstitial lung disease, for which there is no cure. Essentially, they think her lungs have started to scar, which is permanent. She needs a special biopsy to confirm but the hospital she is in now does not do that. It is part of the system I work for and they want to transport her into Chicago to our main hospital to do the procedure there. She is not even stable enough at the moment to get the procedure so we are not even sure when this is going to happen.
If this is confirmed, she is possibly looking at a life of oxygen, steroids and immunosuppressants for the rest of her life with the worst case being eventual lung transplant.
After she called me and gave me the news, I shut off my work laptop and just left for the hospital. Didn't tell anyone I was leaving. Just messaged my bosses a few minutes ago and told them I can't work tomorrow. They both responded and said that taking time off was a good idea. It's also my son's birthday and now we are trying to figure out how to have a gathering at the hospital instead of our house.
I'm just at a loss right now.
I just found out how abusive my dad was to my sisters.
Not sure where to put this but I needed somewhere to vent.
My wife went into the hospital on 7/26 with double pneumonia. She spent a week in the hospital and was discharged because she could breathe on her own without issue. A week later we were back in the ER. Pneumonia came raging back. She spent a week there and then got moved to a long-term acute care hospital where she was for a week.
Yesterday we were back in the ER again. Her pneumonia is gone but her lungs are not working well. She is now at her worst since she got sick. They have her on a special breathing machine at the moment. She called not too long ago and she is having a slew of tests and procedures scheduled to try and figure out why her lungs are so bad.
I was rolling with it, but it's starting to really weigh me down emotionally right now. November will be 30 years that we have been together as a couple. I don't know anything else other than being with her. I just want this to be over and her to be home.
Today has sucked. All tests that would've shown a clot came up empty. I kinda wish they had found one because what they are talking about now is way worse. They are thinking she has interstitial lung disease, for which there is no cure. Essentially, they think her lungs have started to scar, which is permanent. She needs a special biopsy to confirm but the hospital she is in now does not do that. It is part of the system I work for and they want to transport her into Chicago to our main hospital to do the procedure there. She is not even stable enough at the moment to get the procedure so we are not even sure when this is going to happen.
If this is confirmed, she is possibly looking at a life of oxygen, steroids and immunosuppressants for the rest of her life with the worst case being eventual lung transplant.
After she called me and gave me the news, I shut off my work laptop and just left for the hospital. Didn't tell anyone I was leaving. Just messaged my bosses a few minutes ago and told them I can't work tomorrow. They both responded and said that taking time off was a good idea. It's also my son's birthday and now we are trying to figure out how to have a gathering at the hospital instead of our house.
I'm just at a loss right now.
I guess I have been gone since that last post. Hasn't gotten much better. My wife had surgery yesterday where they took 3 samples from her right lung and inserted a chest tube. The folks at Northwestern in Chicago could not discern what the issue is from her biopsy so now they have pulled in the Mayo Clinic, not something you really want to hear. Running thought is that this is still interstitial lung disease but they are trying to pinpoint an exact cause/reason. She might be coming home tomorrow and she will be on oxygen. No other meds until the Mayo chimes in with their thoughts.
Just got done ordering a shower chair and a couple of wedge incline pillows for her. We just freaking bought a brand new bed just before this most recent hospitalization went down and it is not one of those adjustable types so I am doing my best with what I can.
I'm fried and I guess the stress caused me to develop prostatitis. I had some really bad days at the beginning of that. I have to sit on a pillow and I went cold turkey on caffeine on Sunday since it is a major trigger for it. The headaches have been epic.
The last week I have been like a deer in the headlights. Anyway, thanks to everyone who has sent their thoughts my way. I really need it and have been leaning on non-DTF friends lately to help keep me functional. I hadn't forgotten you guys, just didn't have the time. Having trouble finding joy in anything right now.
Hah! That's actually Wolfking.
In a dark place right now. Currently debating admitting myself into a psychiatric hospital.
In a dark place right now. Currently debating admitting myself into a psychiatric hospital.
My life has just fallen apart over the past year, with a job that saps all of my energy so I can’t enjoy my hobbies, a never-ending cycle of debt, and now me and my girlfriend are taking a break. I already suffer from depression and anxiety, and my mental illness always gets worse in the winter, and with all of this now I’m at a point where I’m genuinely afraid I won’t make it to the spring without professional help.
Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.
My life has just fallen apart over the past year, with a job that saps all of my energy so I can’t enjoy my hobbies, a never-ending cycle of debt, and now me and my girlfriend are taking a break. I already suffer from depression and anxiety, and my mental illness always gets worse in the winter, and with all of this now I’m at a point where I’m genuinely afraid I won’t make it to the spring without professional help.
I guess you've kind of answered your own question then.
Can you take leave from work in the first instance for a week or two to try and chill out a little?
Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.
Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.
I’m going to my dad’s house for thanksgiving and I live with my mom. The first family member I’m gonna talk to though is my sister.
Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.My life has just fallen apart over the past year, with a job that saps all of my energy so I can’t enjoy my hobbies, a never-ending cycle of debt, and now me and my girlfriend are taking a break. I already suffer from depression and anxiety, and my mental illness always gets worse in the winter, and with all of this now I’m at a point where I’m genuinely afraid I won’t make it to the spring without professional help.
I guess you've kind of answered your own question then.
Can you take leave from work in the first instance for a week or two to try and chill out a little?
I can’t really take a leave of absence from work, especially being on probation. There’s a whole process I have to go through for any hospitalization as well. I’m waiting until after the holiday weekend to pursue this hospitalization so I don’t ruin my family’s holiday.Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.
I’m going to my dad’s house for thanksgiving and I live with my mom. The first family member I’m gonna talk to though is my sister.
Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.My life has just fallen apart over the past year, with a job that saps all of my energy so I can’t enjoy my hobbies, a never-ending cycle of debt, and now me and my girlfriend are taking a break. I already suffer from depression and anxiety, and my mental illness always gets worse in the winter, and with all of this now I’m at a point where I’m genuinely afraid I won’t make it to the spring without professional help.
I guess you've kind of answered your own question then.
Can you take leave from work in the first instance for a week or two to try and chill out a little?
I can’t really take a leave of absence from work, especially being on probation. There’s a whole process I have to go through for any hospitalization as well. I’m waiting until after the holiday weekend to pursue this hospitalization so I don’t ruin my family’s holiday.Count, are your parents still around and do you have a good relationship with them? If so, I'd try and spend some time with them.
I’m going to my dad’s house for thanksgiving and I live with my mom. The first family member I’m gonna talk to though is my sister.
So this is a new job if you're on probation? Not good if it's something new that's taking so much out of you.
Today is hard. I talked to my family about the situation yesterday, and I’m with my dad and my sister today, but I still feel alone.
Today is hard. I talked to my family about the situation yesterday, and I’m with my dad and my sister today, but I still feel alone.
I totally understand that with immediate family. We're not that close and even when you chat with them, I too still feel somewhat distant. You don't even get comfort talking with your mother?
Today is hard. I talked to my family about the situation yesterday, and I’m with my dad and my sister today, but I still feel alone.
I totally understand that with immediate family. We're not that close and even when you chat with them, I too still feel somewhat distant. You don't even get comfort talking with your mother?
I do, but I miss my girlfriend. Everything reminds me of her, so no matter how many people are around me that love me, all I feel is her absence.
Today is hard. I talked to my family about the situation yesterday, and I’m with my dad and my sister today, but I still feel alone.
I totally understand that with immediate family. We're not that close and even when you chat with them, I too still feel somewhat distant. You don't even get comfort talking with your mother?
I do, but I miss my girlfriend. Everything reminds me of her, so no matter how many people are around me that love me, all I feel is her absence.
Yeah that's tough. I'm guessing the break wasn't a mutual decision then? Hopefully there's a chance for you guys to reconcile.
Is there anything about your job that you can take pride in? Going in and kicking ass can be cyclical to your attitude. No matter what job you have, there must be something you can get out of it. Your will and effort are up to you.
And guess what? We've all been through breakups, even marriages. Yes, it's tough, but life goes on, and other doors will open, likely better ones.
Count, I know when you feel this way nothing anyone says really helps but I will say this: This lonely, dark, unsafe place you're in right now is unbearable, like you're entire body and mind feels sick. I've been there more than once and the only person who will ultimately get you through this is you and you will. It feels like it will never end, but I swear, it will. You can't eat, sleep or function. The taste in your mouth is different, its scary and you just want to feel like yourself again but you don't believe you ever will, but in time you will. I'm so glad you vented this here and I empathize with you. Please ride this wave, it will end and you will be stronger when you do. Its ok to fall my brother. I'm from NY and I know I'm a stranger but I feel you. Please reach back if you need some coping mechanisms that got me through some unbearable times. :heart
Count, I know when you feel this way nothing anyone says really helps but I will say this: This lonely, dark, unsafe place you're in right now is unbearable, like you're entire body and mind feels sick. I've been there more than once and the only person who will ultimately get you through this is you and you will. It feels like it will never end, but I swear, it will. You can't eat, sleep or function. The taste in your mouth is different, its scary and you just want to feel like yourself again but you don't believe you ever will, but in time you will. I'm so glad you vented this here and I empathize with you. Please ride this wave, it will end and you will be stronger when you do. Its ok to fall my brother. I'm from NY and I know I'm a stranger but I feel you. Please reach back if you need some coping mechanisms that got me through some unbearable times. :heart
I haven't posted much in recent years (or much at all). Even then, I have a first appointment with a therapist on Thursday. It's been a rough year that I haven't really talked about online. It's not really just the last year, as I've had issues that I've needed to try to work out that have been a big part of my life. But in the the last year, things have happened that have made me realize how isolated I am. I don't have high hopes, since it can be a process finding the right therapist, but I guess this is the first step.
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
I'm heartbroken for you kev. Its unbearable. I lost both my parents horrifically. My father age 70 in 2020 and my mom age 71 this past Mother's day. I feel like an orphan. Like my oxygen is cut off and it's getting harder with time. Its shattering. I haven't been the same since.
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
My wife is related to you??
Can't say I feel the same way about my mother as you do, but I do feel that strongly about my father. Just saw him for the first time in a year and a half yesterday, and well, he's definitely going first.
I definitely feel bad for your father. You've still got at half of your life ahead of you though. It'll get easier. It's still the first year.
@ Kev and Tom... Consider yourselves lucky. I have basically lived without my parents in my life for damn near 20 years.
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
My wife is related to you??
Can't say I feel the same way about my mother as you do, but I do feel that strongly about my father. Just saw him for the first time in a year and a half yesterday, and well, he's definitely going first.
I definitely feel bad for your father. You've still got at half of your life ahead of you though. It'll get easier. It's still the first year.
@ Kev and Tom... Consider yourselves lucky. I have basically lived without my parents in my life for damn near 20 years.
We lost a best friend of the family a few weeks ago, and his three daughters are my kids' ages. One of the girls is my oldest son's best friend. The youngest is a freshman in college. I definitely feel bad for them.
I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
My wife is related to you??
Can't say I feel the same way about my mother as you do, but I do feel that strongly about my father. Just saw him for the first time in a year and a half yesterday, and well, he's definitely going first.
I definitely feel bad for your father. You've still got at half of your life ahead of you though. It'll get easier. It's still the first year.
@ Kev and Tom... Consider yourselves lucky. I have basically lived without my parents in my life for damn near 20 years.
That's awful Tim. I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?
I guess this is as good a place as any to put this.
As some of you know, my mom passed away this past February and this year has been fairly horrible as a result. My dad is simply never going to be okay again. I can see it on him every time I see him. Honestly, it is depressing even going to the house and having any kind of family get-together as feels depressing to have it without Mom there. Thanksgiving was actually fairly good because my cousin Maureen (who is in contention for the nicest person you could ever hope to meet) and her husband Tim had all of us over and the distraction of our cousins and close family members to talk to was a major plus, but the next month or so with the Christmas season and all is going to be awful. And it's not like it will get any better after that, as life will go on and continue to just be awful for all of us.
I shudder to think of how life will be if/when my dad passes, as I feel like he would just not have much fight in him if he got sick at all.
My wife is related to you??
Can't say I feel the same way about my mother as you do, but I do feel that strongly about my father. Just saw him for the first time in a year and a half yesterday, and well, he's definitely going first.
I definitely feel bad for your father. You've still got at half of your life ahead of you though. It'll get easier. It's still the first year.
@ Kev and Tom... Consider yourselves lucky. I have basically lived without my parents in my life for damn near 20 years.
That's awful Tim. I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
Cherish you wife and kids mate.
I rarely speak to my siblings and have never spoken to cousins. We are a fucked up miserable family too and had plenty of issues. I don't know your situation but take comfort in your not alone in these kind of situations.
I should cherish my parents more while they are both still here.
I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?
Constant fighting and strife.
I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?
Constant fighting and strife.
As long as your conscience is clear, fuck 'em. You can't make anyone do or think anything. Take care of YOURSELF and YOUR family. They love and need you.
Plus, you have us now! :lol
I'm blessed to have had the time I did but the pain I now feel is brutal. There was a LOT of collateral loss. My entire family was destroyed. I don't speak to my siblings, first cousins, pretty much everyone except my wife and kids. I just want to disappear.
Was the collateral damage due to infighting, or more that your folks were the center of the family around who everyone gathered?
Constant fighting and strife.
As long as your conscience is clear, fuck 'em. You can't make anyone do or think anything. Take care of YOURSELF and YOUR family. They love and need you.
Plus, you have us now! :lol
Cancer is a shit. I'm sorry.
All this talk about parents; today would have been my mom and dad's 59th wedding anniversary. As if the Monday after a holiday isn't bad enough. ;)Oh man. May you bask in their warm memories.
My cousin's wife passed away this morning to brain cancer. She lit up the room with her personality. Too damn young.
All this talk about parents; today would have been my mom and dad's 59th wedding anniversary. As if the Monday after a holiday isn't bad enough. ;)
My cousin's wife passed away this morning to brain cancer. She lit up the room with her personality. Too damn young.
Thanks Kev. She was truly loved. So many posts on Facebook from so many people she has touched. I feel for my cousin and their 2 daughters.
I've been through a similar loss, but everyone's situation is still different. There is no template for grieving a lost loved one. So sorry to hear about things like this cause it hits so close to home. Cancer is a fuckin' bitch! >:(
My aunt just died. I haven't talked to her in a couple years now, but it's still casting a pretty good cloud.
She didn't drive, so she called for an ambulance and checked herself into the hospital with a pretty bad UTI. They admitted her for monitoring over night. She choked on her dinner in her hospital bed, struggled to breathe, had a heart attack, was put into a medically induced coma for a couple weeks, and just had the plug pulled. Her husband has early signs of dementia and is in a live-in facility. They hated each other and haven't spoken in years, but legally all their stuff is still intertwined. It's a clusterfuck
Sorry Chino.
My Maternal Grandmother just died. She'd been deteriorating for the last 5 years or so, was on a DNR and went into assisted living in the summer, so not really a surprise (made it to her mid nineties). Still, sucks.
Sorry Chino.
My Maternal Grandmother just died. She'd been deteriorating for the last 5 years or so, was on a DNR and went into assisted living in the summer, so not really a surprise (made it to her mid nineties). Still, sucks.
It does; I still think about my maternal grandmother (Gram!) and she's been gone almost 30 years now. Crazy how time flies.
All my sympathies to you and your family.
I finally said that it's time he seriously consider a permanent memory care residential facility for her. My dad is finally on board with that after several months of us suggesting it.
Well, the fact that SHE talked about moving into an assisted living facility is good. Most people go kicking and screaming. Most acclimate quite nicely and some never get over it. My wife works at a half independant/half assisted.
I wish my parents would consider such a place, but they are hell bet on buying a house, and my father is in rough shape.
Im so sorry. I feel you. See the chat thread. My dad is disappearing in front of our eyes. He won't help himself and I feel helpless like you.
I finally said that it's time he seriously consider a permanent memory care residential facility for her. My dad is finally on board with that after several months of us suggesting it.
It's the best thing for them.
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
I've never felt more lonely in my life than now. Fuck this divorce... at least I get some friends over tomorrow.
Sooo... I lost my internet banking credentials to a phishing text. I had just woken up from a nap so no red flags arose until just after I had given my info to a surprisingly convincing looking site. Thankfully we got the account locked down and the thieves kicked out within 15 minutes so I think I didn't lose anything, but I had to get the new information in person with the bank. With an ID. Unfortunately, my passport had gone old few years ago and I had to order a new one at the police station... which took eight days to arrive. I got the notice of its arrival an hour before the station closes and didn't see it before it was too late, so I got the next day... December 23rd. Of course, the bank had closed for the holidays that day. Now today I finally got new login information, and the first thing it asks me to do is to change my password. Unfortunately, I think I didn't pay attention to my keystrokes and probably typed in a different number that I wanted (also the user number is complicated, but I think I typed it in right). I try a few times and now my account is locked until tomorrow.
:censored :censored :censored :censored
Thankfully I have some savings in cash so I've been able to make do and I spend the Christmas at my mom's, but it's never really fun times when you have to open the ole jam jar. Mostly I'm just kicking myself for being an eedjit.
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.
Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.
Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.
Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.
Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.
Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?
Right now her career is taking off which requires constant travel, and she just can’t give me the time that I need from her.
After three and a half years, my relationship is over. I’ve never been this heartbroken. She was my everything, the absolute love of my life, and now that’s all gone.
Sorry to read this, I remember you speaking about how happy you were with her before.
Everything just kind of fell apart this past year. Through all of it though we never fell out of love with each other which just makes it so much harder.
Sorry to be so forward, but why did she break up with you then?
Right now her career is taking off which requires constant travel, and she just can’t give me the time that I need from her.
So you called it off mate? You haven't tried to make something work? If she were the love of my life, I'd sure as hell try and make a situation like this work? Or you have already?
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasn’t going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.
I think all points here are correct. What Tim, Bill and Chad say is unfortunately correct. The whole 'she did it for me' kind of thinking is the biggest red flag out there I agree, but as Joe and Marc said also, right now, none of that would matter, the devastation would just be too overbearing, and clarity will only come in due time.
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasn’t going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasn’t going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.
Perfectly said Tim! When my last girlfriend before my wife and I broke up because she fell out of love, I literally couldn't breathe let alone sleep eat or function. It truly felt like my world ended... it took a while of soul searching and practicing self love and care that I finally realized how that relationship served a purpose to my growth, I refer to it as collateral beauty. I learned from the pain and the overall experience that I didn't need anyone but myself and when I was ok with that, eventually I met someone I truly loved, not needed, and we now have been together 30 years with 3 amazing kids. Its true, you can't see it now but you will, please trust that.
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasn’t going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.
Perfectly said Tim! When my last girlfriend before my wife and I broke up because she fell out of love, I literally couldn't breathe let alone sleep eat or function. It truly felt like my world ended... it took a while of soul searching and practicing self love and care that I finally realized how that relationship served a purpose to my growth, I refer to it as collateral beauty. I learned from the pain and the overall experience that I didn't need anyone but myself and when I was ok with that, eventually I met someone I truly loved, not needed, and we now have been together 30 years with 3 amazing kids. Its true, you can't see it now but you will, please trust that.
This is going to sound cynical, but it is not in any way. She did you a favor. There was no room in her life for you and she wasn’t going to string you along. I know it sounds shitty but you will get through it.
Perfectly said Tim! When my last girlfriend before my wife and I broke up because she fell out of love, I literally couldn't breathe let alone sleep eat or function. It truly felt like my world ended... it took a while of soul searching and practicing self love and care that I finally realized how that relationship served a purpose to my growth, I refer to it as collateral beauty. I learned from the pain and the overall experience that I didn't need anyone but myself and when I was ok with that, eventually I met someone that I fell in love with, not needed, thete is a difference....and we now have been together 30 years with 3 amazing kids. Its true, you can't see it now but you will, please trust that.
Tom, reread that bolded part back to yourself. :)
Been through it as well. 10 years, got married, and was told out of the blue that she didn't know if she wanted to be married anymore. And it wasn't even my idea to get married! :lol
Still, it was a world turned upside down event. All I knew and related to was tied into that relationship. The challenge was how to extricate my own experiences in my own life during that time together and make them stand on their own. It really helped the healing process.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Go talk to someone, please.
There's nothing I'm going to say that's not going to make me sound like a big(ger) dick, but suffice to say that the spiral is NOT inevitable. It's just not. Get the help you need to move past this.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Living well is the best revenge, my friend.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Posting this here is a positive thing, it means deep down whether you know it or not you do want to fight through this so you have already taken the first step. Yes, I've been there, its unbearable and nauseating but IT WILL pass, you can't put a time on it but it will. Everyone on this forum are truly kind people and genuinely care. Good music brings good people together and man if you are in that much pain message me and I will be there to listen, if you want to actually speak to me you got it.
Pain hits like a ton of bricks. Finding out the girl who broke your heart, the girl you still love with all of your heart, has moved on to someone else, it really fucks you up. I’ve been trying to power through it, I have to with my job and band duties, but even when I’m around my friends and family, I feel so alone. I’ve started to veer towards my self-destructive tendencies, and my job is the only thing keeping me from going completely off the rails. Nothing has been able to fill the void she left, and I see the downward spiral on the horizon.
Depression just sucks. I've been in a really bad place for about a month now (while being off and on for a year and a half), and having trouble finding the will, desire, and motivation to get out of it. I was just about at a point of being 'good', then shit just comes crashing down... like a two ton heavy thing.
:-\
Depression just sucks. I've been in a really bad place for about a month now (while being off and on for a year and a half), and having trouble finding the will, desire, and motivation to get out of it. I was just about at a point of being 'good', then shit just comes crashing down... like a two ton heavy thing.
:-\
Depression just sucks. I've been in a really bad place for about a month now (while being off and on for a year and a half), and having trouble finding the will, desire, and motivation to get out of it. I was just about at a point of being 'good', then shit just comes crashing down... like a two ton heavy thing.
:-\
Durring our vacation my wife felt a lump on her breast. We went in for an ultrasound. Hoping it's a cyst.
We've had all we can this year already.
Durring our vacation my wife felt a lump on her breast. We went in for an ultrasound. Hoping it's a cyst.
We've had all we can this year already.
Durring our vacation my wife felt a lump on her breast. We went in for an ultrasound. Hoping it's a cyst.
We've had all we can this year already.
Don't worry, 2010 is the shittiest year in the history of the world.
Thank you. We are trying to be positive. I'm glad my wife is proactive. We went through lymphoma with me when I was 30 for 2 years. I hope my strong wife doesn't have to go through it.
Count…agree regarding counseling. And start writing a daily journal. I did it eons ago, and it really helped. Do it old school with pen and paper.
I read your Jets MNF recap. There are those moments to keep one going 👍
Thank you guys. We are staying positive.
Depression just sucks. I've been in a really bad place for about a month now (while being off and on for a year and a half), and having trouble finding the will, desire, and motivation to get out of it. I was just about at a point of being 'good', then shit just comes crashing down... like a two ton heavy thing.
:-\
Durring our vacation my wife felt a lump on her breast. We went in for an ultrasound. Hoping it's a cyst.
We've had all we can this year already.
I agree that this year can go and fuck right the hell off.
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
Guess what I tested positive for today? >:( :censored
Guess what I tested positive for today? >:( :censored
Besides those. I thought my allergies were really bad but its Covid. Good times.
Besides those. I thought my allergies were really bad but its Covid. Good times.
Got the sniffles or are you feeling sick?
Last year at this time I caught it as well.
Last year at this time I caught it as well.
Hairy hands, too!
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
Seriously though, feel better quick Tom.
^
I should have included this along with my little joke above.
I also hope the rest of the family is OK.
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.Hoping it was caught early and it can be removed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
This year can go to hell. 1st, my dad passes away. Then both my brother's family and mine had to put our cats down a month after dad passed.
Now, my wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. We can't catch a break. I think we caught it early. We'll know more Thursday after our consult.
Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.
Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.
Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.
Well, if it means anything, you've been a great addition to the DTF roster. Personally, I'm thankful you joined.
Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.
I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.
Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.
I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.
I've been and it makes a difference but some things overwhelm and the holidays are approaching. My dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma (brain cancer) on Christmas Day 2018 and passed right after the following Christmas. Some triggers are tough. Then last Mothers Day I lost my mom and then my family just fell apart. My brother and I haven't spoken since my dad passed and we grew up close. Sorry for the rambling, its just painful.
You always have an outlet here to vent. We are here for you, Glasser. Never forget that.
Feeling very off emotionally lately, not good at all. Questioning my purpose, what's left for me, and shit like that. I basically lost my entire family in the last few years. Everything seems so hollow and gray. I really need to dig deep because this isn't going away. Its all on me to figure it out and its not happening. I may need to make some major changes and let go of a lot.
I highly recommend therapy. It doesn't fix all the shit, it helps you sort it out and see what you can do.
I've been and it makes a difference but some things overwhelm and the holidays are approaching. My dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma (brain cancer) on Christmas Day 2018 and passed right after the following Christmas. Some triggers are tough. Then last Mothers Day I lost my mom and then my family just fell apart. My brother and I haven't spoken since my dad passed and we grew up close. Sorry for the rambling, its just painful.
Not much I can say man but I echo Tim's sentiments 100%, you're welcome in our little family here.
I can't recommend anything in your situation with your family but is it worth reaching out to your brother, or is the relationship beyond repair?
I can't talk, I only really have contact with my siblings through my mother, not sure what happens when her time comes.
Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. :heart :metal
Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. :heart :metal
Thank you ALL! I DO feel a trusted and respected connection here. Unfortunately the relationship with my brother was completely shattered, he literally traumatized me and as Chad said, blood or not, I have ZERO tolerance for abuse ( Chad I'm so sorry you went through this). I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and kids but outside of them my family is obliterated. Sadly I cannot stand my mother in law so I literally feel like a man without a country. You guys DO make a difference and I thank you for that. :heart :metal
I SO hear you, my friend.
Nearly 100% of the arguments in marriage are related to the dreadful in-laws... >:(
I have over 30 blood clots in my lungs in 2016. I have to take blood thinners the rest of my life.
I have over 30 blood clots in my lungs in 2016. I have to take blood thinners the rest of my life.
And it's important to follow up with her to let her know why you got upset.
And it's important to follow up with her to let her know why you got upset.
Definitely. I found that if I circle back to one of the kids after something like this happens, we usually have a good discussion about everything that happened, and it allows me to explain my mindset at the time, and ask for forgiveness for acting inappropriately, even if what I was doing might not have been completely out of the bounds of parenting.
I yelled like I have never yelled before at my 4 year old girl. I had a long day at work, then band practice, just overall tired of it all. She was not eating her dinner when I came home, playing around and just wanted Halloween candy instead of dinner. While pouting on the couch, she pushed her little 1 year old brother and he almost smacked his head hard onto the coffee table. I let out a guttural scream of "go to your room" while consoling the boy as he was in hysterics.
Not my best day today, and I am honestly really down about how my life is right now, and it doesn't feel like it's improving anytime soon.
Of course you do. I apologize for the tone of my post. It's more a reflection of my own upbringing and should have stayed in my head as private mussings. I don't know when I'm going to learn to not press the post button.
Carry on.
Of course you do. I apologize for the tone of my post. It's more a reflection of my own upbringing and should have stayed in my head as private mussings. I don't know when I'm going to learn to not press the post button.
Carry on.
My only brother who I haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years was in a horrific car accident ( at his own peril) and is in pretty bad shape. I love him dearly but what he put me through 3 years ago was so traumatic I haven't been the same. I visited him in the ICU because I wasn't sure he was going to survive and it was awful. He saw me and cried which broke my heart but I am not ready to attempt reconciliation that's how awful my experience was. I'm crushed over this, he's my younger brother but he made a bad choice and this accident was the consequence. I feel like an orphan and it sucks.
My only brother who I haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years was in a horrific car accident ( at his own peril) and is in pretty bad shape. I love him dearly but what he put me through 3 years ago was so traumatic I haven't been the same. I visited him in the ICU because I wasn't sure he was going to survive and it was awful. He saw me and cried which broke my heart but I am not ready to attempt reconciliation that's how awful my experience was. I'm crushed over this, he's my younger brother but he made a bad choice and this accident was the consequence. I feel like an orphan and it sucks.
I'm very sorry to read all this..
Obviously I don't know the history, but what I would want to say to you is....be the big brother, whatever that means.
Glasser, I get it. My dad would do cocaine with my brother when my brother was 19. They ruined their lives (and are now both dead) and for me, I had to give a lot of distance between them and myself because I was getting my own life in order. I couldn't imagine trying to reconcile with the trauma you faced.
Glasser, I get it. My dad would do cocaine with my brother when my brother was 19. They ruined their lives (and are now both dead) and for me, I had to give a lot of distance between them and myself because I was getting my own life in order. I couldn't imagine trying to reconcile with the trauma you faced.
Damn! I'm so sorry to hear that. You said it, I need to focus on myself and my own 4 walls. Losing both parents within 2 years and having extreme fallout with my brother is awful but a crippling toxic relationship is not something I'm willing to be subjected to. Believe me, I wish things were different.
Thank you guys for the love but that's not happening. He has had 5 surgeries over the past week and will "survive". He was .3 blood alcohol with his son in the car who is a minor AND another car was in the accident and the driver suffered major injury. Just going to see him last week took every ounce of my strength. He also was just diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. There's major reasons I will not be part of his life. Maybe someday.
It's hard, but understandable. Alcoholism makes us do horrible things, and it's possible to love the person while hating the addict. As Chad said, boundaries do apply, and will help keep yourself safe from who he is under the throes of the disease. Just keep hoping he someday will find sobriety for his own sake, trust me as someone who's been there, the hell he's in is way worse than anything you can imagine.Thanks man! My heart breaks over it but the factors that surround it makes it tough to be part of his life sadly. I love him with all my heart and I hope for him and my nephew's sake that he gets the help.
Today I have taken my first sick day in 39 years. Due to the last two years of a tough working environment which heads into evil and corrupt territory and the results and aftermath of the accident that happened to me plus the culmination of things I've dealt with and things I haven't been given in relation to that, something happened yesterday that left me feeling sick and left me with a very bad feeling.
My gut was telling me to take drastic measures immediately. The way I felt yesterday because of this are feelings no one should have to deal with let alone everything over the last 2 years. It was the hardest decision to call in sick and where I am at the moment, I'm not sure when or if I can go back, but life is too short and precious to endure shit you don't need to endure.
My team and I are so close and I am shattered it has had to come to this. I'm their leader and have taken so many bullets for them but I think there comes a time no matter what position you are in, you need to take care of yourself. The last 24 hours has hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't cried as much in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 years. I feel like I'm letting them all down.
So I sit here, Thursday morning at 11am, years of fucking hard work and sacrifice and now I feel completely lost and needing to start again, not knowing where the fuck to go from here. The feelings currently are so overwhelming. Work and my team were my purpose. I've messaged members of my team to tell them I'm sorry even though I can't tell them what's going on, they are such good kids, I'm like their uncle or something, they all understand and thought I'd be gone long ago, but they are my friends and colleagues. I'm completely heartbroken right now. I can't stop the tears. This is harder than I ever thought it would be and was praying it would never come to this.
Although, since the accident, the last 24 hours I think have shown me and even though I have just gotten back up and gotten back into it, I haven't dealt with a lot of problems since that happened, just kept busy to hide them and still put others before me. Being selfhish and putting yourself first today feels wrong and foreign. I don't like it. Part of me thinks I should go back to my team and deal with the situation, but the other part says no and I don't deserve to have to cop shit when I've been so loyal to them even after everything.
Takes a while to sink in that work and organisations don't give a flying fuck about you. Luckily, I did it for the people around me, which is the reason why this is so hard.
Today I have taken my first sick day in 39 years. Due to the last two years of a tough working environment which heads into evil and corrupt territory and the results and aftermath of the accident that happened to me plus the culmination of things I've dealt with and things I haven't been given in relation to that, something happened yesterday that left me feeling sick and left me with a very bad feeling.
My gut was telling me to take drastic measures immediately. The way I felt yesterday because of this are feelings no one should have to deal with let alone everything over the last 2 years. It was the hardest decision to call in sick and where I am at the moment, I'm not sure when or if I can go back, but life is too short and precious to endure shit you don't need to endure.
My team and I are so close and I am shattered it has had to come to this. I'm their leader and have taken so many bullets for them but I think there comes a time no matter what position you are in, you need to take care of yourself. The last 24 hours has hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't cried as much in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 years. I feel like I'm letting them all down.
So I sit here, Thursday morning at 11am, years of fucking hard work and sacrifice and now I feel completely lost and needing to start again, not knowing where the fuck to go from here. The feelings currently are so overwhelming. Work and my team were my purpose. I've messaged members of my team to tell them I'm sorry even though I can't tell them what's going on, they are such good kids, I'm like their uncle or something, they all understand and thought I'd be gone long ago, but they are my friends and colleagues. I'm completely heartbroken right now. I can't stop the tears. This is harder than I ever thought it would be and was praying it would never come to this.
Although, since the accident, the last 24 hours I think have shown me and even though I have just gotten back up and gotten back into it, I haven't dealt with a lot of problems since that happened, just kept busy to hide them and still put others before me. Being selfhish and putting yourself first today feels wrong and foreign. I don't like it. Part of me thinks I should go back to my team and deal with the situation, but the other part says no and I don't deserve to have to cop shit when I've been so loyal to them even after everything.
Takes a while to sink in that work and organisations don't give a flying fuck about you. Luckily, I did it for the people around me, which is the reason why this is so hard.
Three things:
1: First and foremost, my heart goes out to you. I appreciate the veiled nature of your post, but even without knowing the specifics, the internal conflict and suffering you are going through shines through your words. I've been there (hell, I think I might actually be there), so please know you are not alone in your misery. I know it's a small consolation, but still...
2: I hear you on the 'putting yourself feeling foreign' part. I, and everyone else here could tell you how important it is to look out for number one, but we both know that you can't/won't bc that's not how you are wired. And to be honest, the world needs more people like you. In all my years of working, I can count on one hand the number of people I've worked with who truly put others before themselves. Again, balance is key, but it's nothing to be ashamed of.
3: In all of these years of posting, I (being the huge Winger fan that I am) can't help but feel like I'm talking to Kip Winger when I respond to your posts. ;D I know you're not Kip (or do I????), but please, for the love of all that is good, never change your avatar!
But, seriously, hope tomorrow is a turn in the right direction.
Plus, Kip Winger is a pussy. We all know Wolfking is not.
Dropped you an email mate. You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with. Taking care of oneself when you've spent a life and career of taking care of others might as well be asking you to chew your thumbs off.
You've got all of us to lean on however much you can or want to.
Sheesh, not much to add except that really sucks.
Brought back some bad memories when I had a Dictator Director that put all the weight of our massive IT department and the organization on my shoulders. I was just a dude from Desktop Support who was promoted and made the admin of one of the biggest platforms in the org. Had some very rough days and lots of tears then. I hated work/life/everything. I felt worthless.
So yeah, many of us have been there in some way shape or form. All I can say is that I hope things get better. They did for me, just took some time.
Hey man, from reading your posts and all, i would never think of you as a pussy. I can't offer any advice, it looks like you're doing the right thing for yourself. I know you can do this, even it it looks or feels like you can't. You got this.
You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with.
You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with.
This. The situation, from the little details you've been dropping over the past few years, Kade, sounds dreadful and I know I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with it for so long. Good on you not bailing on your co-workers but at some point enough is enough. From your post I take it you're at that point now, well there's no shame in that. If anything, that should be on people on the other side on conflict from what you've been posting.
By the way, I like how the first sick day you took in 39 years is due to "sick of this shit" sickness. :lol What did you take during your lightning accident? PTO? Unpaid leave?
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
Fucking sound advice Alessandro and makes perfect sense, I think you're right. . I have spoken to a couple of them tonight, they certainly do and think I should have done something a long time ago.
Was nice to talk to them after my feelings this morning. Apologies all for laying it on a bit thick. Reading back I was just being a bitch haha but this place is a haven for all of us to let it out when we need, that's how comfortable it is. Anyway, see how tomorrow goes.
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
Dropped you an email mate. You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with. Taking care of oneself when you've spent a life and career of taking care of others might as well be asking you to chew your thumbs off.
You've got all of us to lean on however much you can or want to.
Thanks Chad. Part of me feels brave, but another part of me feels weak as piss like I'm running away from the potential work problem. Time will hopefully give clarity to which is the best option. Life is funny, every day is a gamble, sometimes the gambles are just higher stakes.
Today I have taken my first sick day in 39 years. Due to the last two years of a tough working environment which heads into evil and corrupt territory and the results and aftermath of the accident that happened to me plus the culmination of things I've dealt with and things I haven't been given in relation to that, something happened yesterday that left me feeling sick and left me with a very bad feeling.
My gut was telling me to take drastic measures immediately. The way I felt yesterday because of this are feelings no one should have to deal with let alone everything over the last 2 years. It was the hardest decision to call in sick and where I am at the moment, I'm not sure when or if I can go back, but life is too short and precious to endure shit you don't need to endure.
My team and I are so close and I am shattered it has had to come to this. I'm their leader and have taken so many bullets for them but I think there comes a time no matter what position you are in, you need to take care of yourself. The last 24 hours has hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't cried as much in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 years. I feel like I'm letting them all down.
So I sit here, Thursday morning at 11am, years of fucking hard work and sacrifice and now I feel completely lost and needing to start again, not knowing where the fuck to go from here. The feelings currently are so overwhelming. Work and my team were my purpose. I've messaged members of my team to tell them I'm sorry even though I can't tell them what's going on, they are such good kids, I'm like their uncle or something, they all understand and thought I'd be gone long ago, but they are my friends and colleagues. I'm completely heartbroken right now. I can't stop the tears. This is harder than I ever thought it would be and was praying it would never come to this.
Although, since the accident, the last 24 hours I think have shown me and even though I have just gotten back up and gotten back into it, I haven't dealt with a lot of problems since that happened, just kept busy to hide them and still put others before me. Being selfhish and putting yourself first today feels wrong and foreign. I don't like it. Part of me thinks I should go back to my team and deal with the situation, but the other part says no and I don't deserve to have to cop shit when I've been so loyal to them even after everything.
Takes a while to sink in that work and organisations don't give a flying fuck about you. Luckily, I did it for the people around me, which is the reason why this is so hard.
Dropped you an email mate. You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with. Taking care of oneself when you've spent a life and career of taking care of others might as well be asking you to chew your thumbs off.
You've got all of us to lean on however much you can or want to.
Thanks Chad. Part of me feels brave, but another part of me feels weak as piss like I'm running away from the potential work problem. Time will hopefully give clarity to which is the best option. Life is funny, every day is a gamble, sometimes the gambles are just higher stakes.
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Holy cow, Joe, I didn't know. Lots of hugs to the whole Kingdom from both the Indies. Fight like a Cowens!
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Holy cow, Joe, I didn't know. Lots of hugs to the whole Kingdom from both the Indies. Fight like a Cowens!
The one good news is I had my bariactic surgery in Feburary and im down 174 pounds. From 437 to 263 right now. 40 more pounds to go.
I'm trying so hard Marc. Just want to make it through this year and Lisa's treatment. We are going to get 2 new kitties after Lisa's treatment.
I'm trying so hard Marc. Just want to make it through this year and Lisa's treatment. We are going to get 2 new kitties after Lisa's treatment.
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Holy cow, Joe, I didn't know. Lots of hugs to the whole Kingdom from both the Indies. Fight like a Cowens!
The one good news is I had my bariactic surgery in Feburary and im down 174 pounds. From 437 to 263 right now. 40 more pounds to go.
I had sexy girls carry my books to class the next 3 days at school
I lived putting Vaseline on my rashes.
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
Fucking sound advice Alessandro and makes perfect sense, I think you're right. . I have spoken to a couple of them tonight, they certainly do and think I should have done something a long time ago.
Was nice to talk to them after my feelings this morning. Apologies all for laying it on a bit thick. Reading back I was just being a bitch haha but this place is a haven for all of us to let it out when we need, that's how comfortable it is. Anyway, see how tomorrow goes.
This is where your mindset has to change. You weren't being a bitch... you were being human. Time to shed the toxic masculinity part mate... we all reach our limits and break down once and a while. It takes strength and courage to be vulnerable; it's not a sign of weakness whatsoever. Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react. Your reaction (and resulting emotions) yesterday was fully justified - don't diminish that by then telling yourself (and us) you were just being a bitch.
Reading without really knowing, I take your mates have rightfully trusted your judgement for years, hence I dare say you can trust it yourself!
This. Is. Gold. :metal
Just wanted to pop back in this morning to say 'keep your head up' Wolfie, judging by the responses above, you possess a sound mind and honest intentions–again, the world needs more people like you!
Also, if you ever wanna chat in a non-public place, feel free to drop a PM. Either way, keep on keepin' on :coolio
Dropped you an email mate. You're a brave man to face whatever it is that you're having to deal with. Taking care of oneself when you've spent a life and career of taking care of others might as well be asking you to chew your thumbs off.
You've got all of us to lean on however much you can or want to.
Thanks Chad. Part of me feels brave, but another part of me feels weak as piss like I'm running away from the potential work problem. Time will hopefully give clarity to which is the best option. Life is funny, every day is a gamble, sometimes the gambles are just higher stakes.
Frame of reference, my friend. You're not running from the problem; if you're the leader you say you are (and I have every reason to believe you ARE) then this is your time to teach your team the hardest lesson: when to stop banging your head against the wall and prepare for the next challenge. There is ALWAYS a bigger bear, as they say, and there is wisdom to know when to stop wasting energy on a losing cause. I think it's a testament to you that it took 39 years to get to this point, but you're there now, and we've ALL come across the "bigger bear" at some point in our professional (or personal, or both) lives. It wasn't work, but some of the feelings you describe are how I felt when it finally sunk in that my marriage was over, that I had to tell my kid our family was gone, and I had to face my parents (who died last year within a couple months of each other after over 60 years of being together 24/7) that I had failed at the one thing I wanted most to emulate about them.
We forget sometimes that life isn't a Die Hard movie, with the hero riddled with bullets, bleeding from every orifice, dragging themselves up for fight after fight; in real life, we have to sometimes tend our powder, take a moment to make sure we're strong - mentally, physically, emotionally - to face the fight each day.
I see someone taking a pause to make sure they are fit and ready for the next challenge, whatever it is. Good luck, bud, and as others have said, we're here for you however you need it.
Today I have taken my first sick day in 39 years. Due to the last two years of a tough working environment which heads into evil and corrupt territory and the results and aftermath of the accident that happened to me plus the culmination of things I've dealt with and things I haven't been given in relation to that, something happened yesterday that left me feeling sick and left me with a very bad feeling.
My gut was telling me to take drastic measures immediately. The way I felt yesterday because of this are feelings no one should have to deal with let alone everything over the last 2 years. It was the hardest decision to call in sick and where I am at the moment, I'm not sure when or if I can go back, but life is too short and precious to endure shit you don't need to endure.
My team and I are so close and I am shattered it has had to come to this. I'm their leader and have taken so many bullets for them but I think there comes a time no matter what position you are in, you need to take care of yourself. The last 24 hours has hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't cried as much in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 years. I feel like I'm letting them all down.
So I sit here, Thursday morning at 11am, years of fucking hard work and sacrifice and now I feel completely lost and needing to start again, not knowing where the fuck to go from here. The feelings currently are so overwhelming. Work and my team were my purpose. I've messaged members of my team to tell them I'm sorry even though I can't tell them what's going on, they are such good kids, I'm like their uncle or something, they all understand and thought I'd be gone long ago, but they are my friends and colleagues. I'm completely heartbroken right now. I can't stop the tears. This is harder than I ever thought it would be and was praying it would never come to this.
Although, since the accident, the last 24 hours I think have shown me and even though I have just gotten back up and gotten back into it, I haven't dealt with a lot of problems since that happened, just kept busy to hide them and still put others before me. Being selfhish and putting yourself first today feels wrong and foreign. I don't like it. Part of me thinks I should go back to my team and deal with the situation, but the other part says no and I don't deserve to have to cop shit when I've been so loyal to them even after everything.
Takes a while to sink in that work and organisations don't give a flying fuck about you. Luckily, I did it for the people around me, which is the reason why this is so hard.
Wow Kade, I'm choking up after reading this. Sending a big hug to you. Please do not feel guilty taking care of yourself, its vital. I'm sure your team and co-workers trust your judgement and stand behind you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I'm here in any way if you ever need to talk, message me and I'll call you, anything you need I'm here. :heart :heart
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Kade, I'm glad you are dealing with it.
My brother and I talked about the funk we both are in. The loss of my father, both of us putting our cats down the same week a month after my dad passed away and now, the Queen's breast cancer. Work is crazy and the stress is piling on. I've been fighting with myself to push through this. The last 4 nights I've woke up 3 tp 4 hours before the alarm is supposed to. I can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
Still fighting it though.
Holy cow, Joe, I didn't know. Lots of hugs to the whole Kingdom from both the Indies. Fight like a Cowens!
The one good news is I had my bariactic surgery in Feburary and im down 174 pounds. From 437 to 263 right now. 40 more pounds to go.
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”
I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”
I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.
I absolutely get that but when you feel the need to poke your head out, I'm there for you.
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”
I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”
I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.
I absolutely get that but when you feel the need to poke your head out, I'm there for you.
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."
It's been a brutal February. I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks. For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered. Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat. I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad". I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days. The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of. I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
... but I'm trying to get back there.
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."
It's been a brutal February. I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks. For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered. Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat. I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad". I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days. The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of. I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
... but I'm trying to get back there.
Love ya, Chad. Reach out any time.
Here’s the thing tho … when you’re as down as I was, when eating feels like “what’s the point?”, reaching out to even those that I know love and care about me also feels like “what’s the point?”
I just wanted to crawl into the deep dark black hole that my emotions were in, and stop. Stop everything. Literally…. everything.
I get it man. I was there for a while in my early 20s (remember that crazy version of me circa 2011? some of my lowest points).
One thing that helped me was to realize that depression is a strong force acting on you, but you can overcome it, and you keep going until it falls off of you or you find the solutions. Which is why you probably don't actually want to kill yourself. You want to get through this because you know it's not always this way.
Much love, brother. I am here as well.
Oh for sure, I didn't mean to overcome it entirely, but to get through this current bout with it. Once you ever have depression, it seems you have a chance of getting back to that state.
And agreed on the kind words. I'm sure you and I and everyone has good intentions in support of him, but it can really not matter in that moment when the depression just envelopes you. It's been a long time for me, and sometimes I'll start to feel a little that way, but I remember those feelings. Just hoping a good guy gets over this and maybe something we say might tell his brain to get out of that funk. :)
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."
It's been a brutal February. I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks. For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered. Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat. I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad". I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days. The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of. I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
... but I'm trying to get back there.
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."
It's been a brutal February. I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks. For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered. Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat. I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad". I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days. The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of. I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
... but I'm trying to get back there.
As many have mentioned Chad....just a phone call or text away. From reading your posts I know it's not that easy and that I probably don't have any magic words that can ease your suffering....but put it in your heart and mind that you have a lot of folks who are willing and able to fill a need if you so desire. Much love to you
All good man! It's been nice to discuss this, I've had a bit of down time myself and it's almost therapeutic to talk on here.
My wife just had another episode recently. She had been struggling for weeks/months with bad thoughts and other things. She was trying to power through and then a few Saturdays ago she goes upstairs and comes back down with a packed bag and her CPAP machine. I got the message. Got dressed and drove her to the hospital. She got admitted and spent a week in there. Now she is doing 4 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy which she goes to 5 days a week all day.
I realize something like that would be hard for a lot of people, but she needs this every few years. This was the first time she ever proactively packed a bag. I got the message without her having to say anything.
Turns out it was a good thing. Not only did she need a major med adjustment, they discovered she was suffering from serotonin syndrome as well which only made things worse. A few weeks on and she is in a much better place.
Not sure how that helps, but I guess I'm saying, as someone on the other side of this, I get it and eventually you will hopefully move past this episode.
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."
It's been a brutal February. I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks. For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered. Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat. I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad". I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days. The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of. I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
... but I'm trying to get back there.
It's kinda nice that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 90 days."
It's been a brutal February. I think I've been as low in my life as I've ever been. Living with depression sucks. For me, there are many many different layers and nuances to what's triggered it, but there was a period of about 10 days where nothing mattered. Literally nothing - there were times I didn't even care about or have the energy to eat. I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there - I was driving on the highway one day, passing a big transport truck and though "if he sideswiped me into the ditch, that wouldn't be so bad". I don't know where I got the energy to put on a brave face and make it thru my work days. The past few days have been better, but it's a pretty big hole to have to climb out of. I'm still mostly faking my way thru things.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
... but I'm trying to get back there.
I stumbled upon this last week. I can't say I'm a huge BBT fan but this resonated with me on a level that is hard to put into words. He describes exactly how I feel in my grief over the loss of my sister well on 2 years ago now.
I know many here are dealing with grief and loss. Maybe it will help. I hope it does....at least as much as anything could ever possibly help.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Pn3y7S5FAw
I would never take my own life, but the thoughts are there.
I miss me.
The old me.
The happy me.
The bright me.
The smiling me.
The laughing me.
The gone me.
--Unknown
This is how I like to express my depression ... some say they suffer from it, I say I live with it. For me, it's no difference than having any form of chronic physical illness - arthritis, or MS, or something like that. Some days it's barely noticeable, some days it's tough, and others it's debilitating. But it's always there. I know the REALLY bad times won't last forever, but (for me) they don't just fall off.
As I reflect on my life, I've always had it (at least as far back as my teens), I just didn't recognize it for what it was until my mid-30s, or suppressed it with various means (drugs in my teens; partying/alcohol in my early 20s; love/infatuation in my late 20s; parenthood in my early 30s).