So a few months ago I meet this girl who seemed to take an intrest in me. And finally three weeks ago -- after not sleeping for a week -- I get the balls to ask her out and she said yes... and now she's pretty much ignored my existance since then.
I asked her if I did something wrong, she says no, says it's other stuff in her life, but doesn't really cheer up when we're around one another. So I have no fricking clue what I did. I thought her saying no would be the worst, but at least I would know where she stands then. This is just torture.
You ask her out.
She says yes.
She doesn't act on what she said and makes excuses for it.
I don't really know. She said she would go to a movie, I just had to give her a day. I've asked her a few times and she's always busy. It doesn't even have to be a "date" I just like spending time with her.
She continues to avoid spending time with you and continues making excuses for why she does so. Instead of telling you she isn't interested, she continues to lead you on.
I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard when I care about her as much as I do. It kills me becasue I feel like I'm making her sad and I'd stop asking in a second if she just told me to... but she hasn't, so that still kind of gives me some hope. We work together, so we're kind of forced to talk.
If you think you're making her sad, and you say you love her, why are you doing things that make her feel negatively emotionally?
I spent about four hours with her the night I asked her, she was fine then. She said yes, we hugged each good bye and she hasn't said much since. We've talked a few times since then, but only breifly when we were alone and she kept insisting that I hadn't done anything wrong. Her actions are speaking louder though. I'm gonna try a few more times to get her to talk, maybe it really is the other stuff she's worried about; which is part of the reason I want to take her out and get her mind off stuff. I just don't want to frak it up so bad that we can't go back to being friends.
- Hugging each other goodbye is meaningless. Women today hug for whatever reason.
- "Her actions are speaking louder though." Maybe the most important thing you typed.
- You already tried a bunch of times. Maybe it's a dead end? And even if there really is other stuff she's worried about (which I find questionable), isn't what you're doing exacerbating the problem?
- "I just don't want to frak it up so bad that we can't go back to being friends." Then you should have aborted.
Random thought that I don't have a good answer for - What happened to taking time to cultivate relationships? Guys seem to have this attitude that if they don't ask a girl they meet out ASAP then there's no chance. Have the ideas behind ladder theory really achieved this level of cultural osmosis? Because if that's the case - we're doomed.
Yeah, I definately have to ask her questions to get her to talk, but she has a few times, which is good I guess. I actually am usually pretty quiet too, and I think that's part of why I like her, because she'll actully listen to me. I'm hoping that she's not taking it that all I do is complain though.
You're talking - but you're not the one in emotional control of the situation. Nothing you say phases her - you hang on her every word.
o I tell that girl I was talking about earlier in the thread on Monday "I wanna tell you something, come talk if you can." I left out the "I want to ask you out Friday night" part.
"Alright I'll try." So Monday nothing. Tuesday nothing.
I don't know if it's a good thing to try the same thing as before and expect a different result.
This morning I see her again, in class. She sits in front of me. So her friend beside her introduces her to this guy beside her. Not sure who he is. They smile at one another. Great, I think. He walks up to her after class, "So what are you doing now?" It was like a freaking dream. "Sorry, gotta go to class," she says. OK, maybe she didn't like him. She walks down the hall to her friend (as I try to keep up with her) "So, I just met someone," she says and smiles. I want to slit my wrists at this point.
Three things jump to mind:
- Her interest in the guy makes it seem like she isn't actually too distracted by other issues to have a boyfriend. We'll get back to this in a second though.
- Did she really have to go to class? Why wouldn't she talk to the guy but she'd talk to her friend? Maybe I'm reading too much into this.
- Why were you stalking her? If she's really your friend, isn't she interested in where you are at the moment?
Finally I catch up to her, "Are you gonna be busy at 3? Stop by and see me." "I'm doing something with my friend here, but I'll try." Alright, finally. Go to class, distracted by thinking about what I'm gonna say to her. Completely frak over a quiz in Physics.
Sitting, waiting for her, nothing. I text her: "Stop by, I wanna talk to you." She's got class in the one room at 3:30, I had to go to that building anyway, so I hang around. Nothing. She sends me a text: "My boyfriend came home from college, I'm not on campus. Sorry. E-mail me."
Okay, so basically, she isn't willing to tell you she simply has a boyfriend. And then, if I read what you posted just a couple paragraphs ago correctly - you made it sound like she was interested in another guy while she had a boyfriend. Why would you be interested in someone so fundamentally dishonest?
I don't know what it means, but why would she ask you specifically to email her? Maybe she doesn't want your text messages on her phone?
Well, HOLY FUCK! Lost has nothing on my life. Talk about disbelief. Now she's gotten a boyfriend in the two weeks that she's avoided me enough that I didn't have a chance to ask her out. Asked her about lunch tomorrow, I still want to talk to her, but I guess the Friday night movie just got cancelled. I know I should just say, screw it, and move on, but just wow.
You know what you should do. It's not even like this girl is a good person who just isn't right for you or isn't able to be emotionally available to you in the right way. I'm not saying she's a bad person (I simply don't know if that's true or not), but she's being dishonest in very fundamental ways.
If you do decide to end what I think is a futile quest, do not, DO NOT try to get in some kind of amazing last words. Unlike TV shows, dramatic real life events often don't get great speeches to conclude them, and this is one of those times. Just say something like "You know what, I didn't know you had a boyfriend, so don't worry about trying to set up a date, I don't want to mess up your relationship. I'll see you around school and work." It's a clear boundary statement (not boyfriend and girlfriend), it's not over-dramatic, and it's just simply polite.