The interview he did during his Shattered Fortress tour made it clear, how beaten he was that they played it.
Do you think DT should have known that and should have not included ASOS in the setlist (and played Octavarium instead for example)
Just for the sake of clarity, here's what MP said: "I’m not going to be able to play ‘A Change of Seasons,’ which I had intended on making the encore. That was the first song I ever wrote the lyrics to in Dream Theater; and, as I mentioned earlier, it was written about my mom dying in a plane crash. It’s an incredibly, incredibly personal song to me and it breaks my heart that Dream Theater are playing it on their current tour without me. Once I heard that they were performing it, that pretty much scratched it off my set list because I don’t want to be doing it now because they are. I had to choose some other songs instead."
http://spotlightreport.net/music/interview-mike-portnoy-announces-shattered-fortress-australian-tourI was unaware that he had said this until reading your post and googling to find this interview, and I find it odd that you're raising this issue nearly two years after the interview and over 14 months after the I&W&B tour concluded.
As for MP's comments, the statements that he was "
not going to be able to play" ACOS and that he "
had to choose some other songs instead" were false. He most certainly
was able to play ACOS and did not
have to choose other songs. It was a
choice that he made. "I don't want to play it because they're playing it" is rather juvenile.
He claimed to have been heartbroken that DT did the song without him. However, during that 14+ month period at least two documented gatherings between MP and JP and at least one between MP and JR occurred. By all accounts, those gatherings were beyond cordial. Since it is (I think) reasonable to assume that JP is (and since MP left has been) the primary set list creator for DT, it seems that any problem MP had with this is now forgotten.
Getting back to your two questions:
1. Should DT have known that it was going to bother MP if they played ACOS? I haven't the slightest idea. Would it surprise me if, during the various dealings that occurred between JP/JM/JLB/JR and MP and their lawyers after MP left the band, MP expressed a desire that DT not play certain songs? No, but again, I have no way of knowing if DT "should have known" that MP would be bothered.
2. Do I think that DT "should have not included ASOS [
sic] in the setlist" or that it was somehow "disrespectful" for them to have done that? Absolutely not.
ACOS is a Dream Theater song, not a Mike Portnoy song, and the fact that he wrote the lyrics about a personal experience doesn't change that. Should DT stop playing
all songs for which MP wrote lyrics? How about songs for which Kevin Moore and Charlie Dominici wrote lyrics? I don't see anyone complaining that it was somehow "disrespectful" to KM for DT to play "Space Dye Vest" a few years ago. Of course, I also don't see KM and CD whining about how their hearts were broken that their former band played one of its own songs. If you're a member of a band and write lyrics for the band's songs, you can't reasonably expect the band not to play any of those songs after you leave the band.
By the way, the song is only partly about MP's mother and her plane crash. According to MP, "it's about the cycle of life."
http://www.mikeportnoy.com/aboutmike/faq/answers/30.aspx#304