Stolen from Alex Lifeson. It's from his rant in the Power windows tourbook. I wanted to recieve emails so I tried variations of the spelling of KING OF SCHMENGLAND till hotmail took the one I have now and I've used it as a moniker in all my forums.
Alex Lifeson
A MESSAGE FROM H.R.H. KING LERXT, KING OF SCHMENGLAND
This was supposed to be my equipment list, but I sold all my gear. I just borrow things I need from friends. Some old stuff. A few wires here, a couple guitars there, some machine guns... Oh yeah, the machine guns. Well, the story goes something like this: During our stay in Montserrat we decided to have a dinner picnic on a beautiful deserted beach. It was a lovely day and a great barbecue. There was much laughter until we heard the machine guns and bombs exploding. The sky was a cross-hatch of jet fighter and missile contrails. I had a hunch that something was up.
We immediately headed back to the studio. It was a blazing inferno with temperatures well above 100 degrees C!! We managed to save all our gear and the blender which we used to make daiquiris with. It was there that we learned from one of the locals that a coup had taken place.
"Yeah mon, dey kill dat monkey ass. Now is da time of da King mon."
After I heard his incredible tale I thought to myself - Kingman? Who is Kingman? The accountant? The calypso group The Kingman Trio, maybe?
And as if this man had read my thoughts, he said, "No man, not Kingman - The KING, Mon!"
Now it was all too clear. I suddenly realized destiny had brought me to this island to do a job. I looked up as the flaming studio sparked a reflection in my eyes and bravely said: "But they have guns! We need something better than guns. We need Gubs!"
We also needed a defence budget so I sold my equipment that same night, met at a dark lagoon with a Cuban gub runner, quelled the rioting and became King Lerxst by 8:30 the next morning. Boy was I bushed.
I enacted two important laws that Monday morning. The first was the "No Work Today" law, and the second was "Big Al Day", which fell on the first Monday of each week, when all the drinks on the island were free.
Sure there were a few unhappy subjects, and I have had my fair share of assassination attempts, but after the third Monday things were pretty well settled down. Yeah that's what the world needs: more "Big Al Days".