Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[cramx3]

I have no idea what that means either honestly

[sylvan]

I'm really TRYING to change the tone of my conversation with this woman. She is just so stuck on the future and true love. I'm laying it down, but she's just not picking it up. I can't get her to just lighten up and be a human, with needs and desires. She tells me she's super against weed and will never be okay with it, and it seems like she's fishing for me to offer to give it up at some point. I tell her it's not going away and she needs to make a decision. She replies with ,"I've made a decision, I'll never be okay with it." So I ask why she's still texting me, and she says, "I don't have an answer to that." She asks me all these ridiculous lines of questions that, no doubt, most people would balk at. I've kinda been whatevs and just playing along for funsies. I told her I just wanna grab some drinks, see how she looks in a sexy little black dress, and flirt a little... or a lot! She says ,"Sounds fair. Sometime easier said than done, but sounds fair." I'm not gonna mislead somebody about there being a future just so I can get some. That's just not me. But it seems clear she's into me. I'm leaning towards telling her that it feels like I'm having to talk her into this, and nobody wants to have to convince someone to go out with them. If she's interested, she should say so.

[Chino]

Seems like a "we are not a match" type of girl.

[Sacul]

Damn, didn't realise I could look that negative - I guess I'm used to talking that way with friends, using baits from time to time

Thanks folks! I'll keep trying 

PS: Pansexual means someone likes all kind of genders -straight, gay, lesbian, transexual, etc- and genderqueer, doesn't care about genre conventions - for instance she dresses like a boy. Definitely not for me

[cramx3]

Damn, didn't realise I could look that negative - I guess I'm used to talking that way with friends, using baits from time to time

Thanks folks! I'll keep trying 

PS: Pansexual means someone likes all kind of genders -straight, gay, lesbian, transexual, etc- and genderqueer, doesn't care about genre conventions - for instance she dresses like a boy. Definitely not for me

Sometimes you need that outside perspective to realize something, hence why I open up quite a bit here.  It's refreshing to here sincere feedback, it's the only way you improve.

Anyway, like baiting too, masterbaiting 

[bout to crash]

Yeah, I would not reply to some random guy who just told me he hated stuff I liked online. Not good bait IMO

I think my OKC and Fet profiles say pansexual, but in conversation I usually just like to say I don't discriminate.

Sylvan, that doesn't sound promising at all to me. Totally your call if you want to keep trying though.

So guys, I taliked to my friend who recently got dumped that I mentioned the other day, and I was right- he spied on her (eek) and found her going home with the ex. He didn't do anything psycho like confront her, thankfully. He just blocked her on FB and that was it. I sorta knew that was the case but sad to see him so upset about it.
I also turned down plans with him last night so if we had hung out it never would've happened- good and bad, I guess.

[cramx3]

Well, it's good he knows.  It does sound creepy, but I guess doing what he did just so he knew for a fact without blowing up isn't so weird or bad in the end.  He will be upset, but it's better than holding onto something that was only going to let him down.

I also agree, Sylvan, this girl seems like it will lead to no where.  Maybe since you know it won't lead to something serious you can just be upfront about being casual with her since it seems like you at least want that and maybe she has some interest as well, but she seems like she is just playing games based on what you said.  The whole "she doesnt know why she is still texting" just rings of someone messing with you.

Tonight I am going to the Epica concert with the girl I dated for the entire fall, but have not seen since early December.  We still text as friends and are going as friends so I don't expect this to be a lonely hearts type of deal, but I won't lie when I say I am actually a bit nervous to see how we interact.  I have a hotel room so she agreed to come pregame with me in the room, but she had said she will be going home tonight.  I offered strictly as a friend that she could stay in the room as well, but since it's one bed she declined.  I tried really hard to make it seem like I wasn't trying to get in her pants while still trying to offer it as a friend.  Either way, I am pretty pumped for my first concert of 2016.

[Stadler]

Damn, didn't realise I could look that negative - I guess I'm used to talking that way with friends, using baits from time to time

Thanks folks! I'll keep trying 

PS: Pansexual means someone likes all kind of genders -straight, gay, lesbian, transexual, etc- and genderqueer, doesn't care about genre conventions - for instance she dresses like a boy. Definitely not for me

Sometimes you need that outside perspective to realize something, hence why I open up quite a bit here.  It's refreshing to here sincere feedback, it's the only way you improve.

Anyway, like baiting too, masterbaiting 

That's just it:  you're not talking to YOU, you're talking to THEM.  Maybe what you want is someone that you can talk to like your buds - and maybe you'll get there - but if that's not that important to you, maybe something to think about. 

If you heard my college friends and I talk to each other, you'd actually wonder if we were friends at all (I've actually been asked that at least twice by people overhearing us).  It's brutal, but it's how we've fallen into routine.  But I wouldn't lead with that with someone else. 

[bout to crash]

Soooo the guy just texted asking if we're not talking anymore and I'm not sure what the fuck to say, if anything. I'm about to go to a show so I don't want to deal with it right now.

[King Postwhore]

Too much drama their Jackie.   

[Prog Snob]

Soooo the guy just texted asking if we're not talking anymore and I'm not sure what the fuck to say, if anything. I'm about to go to a show so I don't want to deal with it right now.

Don't bother right now. He waits this fucking long just to say "I guess we aren't talking anymore"??  This guy takes no initiative whatsoever. 

[TioJorge]

Ew. That kind of passivity is rage inducing. My ex was like that... "Ummm I guess we're over!?". Well...where to start... We haven't spoken in months sooo...yes.

It's that kind of pansy coddling and 'woe is me' attitude that makes relationships of any magnitude with that kind of person an utter headache. Like...if you wanna talk, fucking talk; at the very least speak up before a ridiculous amount of time and at least have the balls to say "Hey, it's a little disheartening that we're not talking but...yaddayaddayadda". Otherwise, it's any grown, developed person's natural assumption to think "if they're not talking, that means they don't wanna talk". Not some ploy or game of waiting and drawing it out. Anything but that kind of cring-worthy, flinching attitude that is such a blatant cry of "you do the emotional work so I don't have to". That "I guuueess..." slumped over, head to the ground, quietly speaking shtick even comes through in texts. That was acceptable in middle school...now you're just an annoying little shit.

Sadly it took me about a year of being dragged around and stepped on to figure out that she wasn't going to do anything except ask me to do shit and then when I finally just shut down and drifted away, it was like a cosmic cumshot to the face in a really funny way to get that last, ultra confirmed "This person is a Snorlax" text of...  "Ummm I guess we're over!?" ...  *SIIIIIIIIGH*

[bout to crash]

Yeah, I totally hear what you're saying. Your ex sounds swell
We haven't talked in a week. Granted I could have said something too, but I've been busy and reflecting on things and quite frankly have not felt any sort of gap in my life. Debating whether I should answer at all but don't want to be an asshole either. Blegh.

[TioJorge]

I know how to pick 'em! 

Eh. At least I know what to look out for now, though. I always do have to learn the hard way. 

Yeah, I mean it's one thing if you're just outright not wanting to talk or not feeling it but that's different than what he's doing, at least what it sounds like he's doing. It doesn't sound like he's so much of an asshole as he is just lazy with a side of pansy (hold the topping of self confidence). It's pretty clear what's going on when someone responds like that after a period of time with no communication and LO AND BEHOLD...a comment that may as well have bait at the end the line. I just hate that it's so passive that they're literally communicating while asking if there should be communication...it's just...ARGH! QUIT BEING A FUCKING PUSSY. 

[cramx3]

Jackie, just tell him its over and get it over with.  Obviously when you aren't in the middle of something fun because you don't want to get into a conversation while enjoying yourself, but when you next get some down time, just do what needs to be done.  Even as lame as that message is, I think that his way of just wanting the confirmation, but like everything else in your relationship with plantman, you are the one that needs to do it so might as well take the wheel one last time.

[bout to crash]

So late last night I ended up replying basically this:

Him: So are we just not talking anymore?
Me: (being a wiseass) Well it's been about a week if my calculations are correct. To be honest I haven't felt the urge nor have I felt welome to talk, and I'm in Austin right now.
Him: Well I guess it's been real then. Hope you have fun in Austin.

Man! I thought I was a pansy about avoiding stuff. Alrighty then.

[Prog Snob]

Game of Thrones on Tinder

https://www.facebook.com/DaenerysTargaryenTheQueen/videos/765889053522742/

[DarkLord_Lalinc]

I just broke up with the gf.

It was a good relationship, and somewhat a learning curve for me. It was hard to break up because we both were really into each other but at the end things were just not going in the right direction, you know? *sigh*

[Prog Snob]

Sorry to hear that. Welcome to dating hell.   

[DarkLord_Lalinc]

IM BACK, FEMALES

[sylvan]

IM BACK, FEMALES

It's a world full of giant dildos and vibrating cock rings. Don't be afraid to dive in face first  .

[DebraKadabra]

IM BACK, FEMALES

EEEP!

It's a world full of giant dildos and vibrating cock rings. Don't be afraid to dive in face first  .

That's what she said? Maybe?

So late last night I ended up replying basically this:

Him: So are we just not talking anymore?
Me: (being a wiseass) Well it's been about a week if my calculations are correct. To be honest I haven't felt the urge nor have I felt welome to talk, and I'm in Austin right now.
Him: Well I guess it's been real then. Hope you have fun in Austin.

Man! I thought I was a pansy about avoiding stuff. Alrighty then.

Plantman sounds like a colossal douchecanoe when not in the sack, if I'm reading what you've said about him correctly. His loss, then.

[cramx3]

I just broke up with the gf.

It was a good relationship, and somewhat a learning curve for me. It was hard to break up because we both were really into each other but at the end things were just not going in the right direction, you know? *sigh*

Sorry to hear that, welcome back to the club

Plantman sounds like a colossal douchecanoe when not in the sack, if I'm reading what you've said about him correctly. His loss, then.

Yup, he must have had a cane in the sack too for Jackie to keep making the drive.  Glad that is over for her though.

[bout to crash]

No dude, the sex was meh but for whatever reason (pheromones?) I was really really attracted to him.
*shrug*

IM BACK, FEMALES

Aw, sorry to hear she escaped but I'm sure you'll catch another.

[Prog Snob]

So I messaged one of the few women on Staten Island that I didn't message. She responded right away and might want to just get together right away to not have to drag it out and wind up waiting a few weeks and the realizing it didn't work. One thing about her profile that made me laugh.... She mentioned Netflix three time.   

[cramx3]

So I messaged one of the few women on Staten Island that I didn't message. She responded right away and might want to just get together right away to not have to drag it out and wind up waiting a few weeks and the realizing it didn't work. One thing about her profile that made me laugh.... She mentioned Netflix three time.   

So are you two going to netflix and chill then?   

That sounds like a good opportunity to meet someone

[Prog Snob]

We shall see what happens. 

Netflix and chill... 

[sylvan]

I've got two women I'm talking to and neither seems like my type for the long run, but both are attractive and seem attracted to me. I'm only looking for something fun and physical. I've been talking to one woman for a few days now. She's 35 and divorced. She hasn't asked me many questions about myself. I told her I don't have my shit together, not sure what I'm looking for, working on career, living with parents, usually date younger women (she's 4 yrs older), etc. It was kind of a test to see what she's looking for. She didn't care and applauded my honesty. We're gonna do something this week.  I think I've done a decent job at setting a flirty tone, but that's admittedly not my strong suit. I've said a bunch of times how I want to have fun and not take things too serious, and she agrees coming out of a marriage that wasn't fun.
I think I can pull this off when we finally meet. But what about from now til then? I feel like now that we've agreed to go out, I don't really know what to say to keep the dynamic moving that direction. I've really got nothing to lose in either of these situations. I just find it hard to steer the conversation towards sex. I wish it was as straightforward as, "Wanna commit blasphemy?" 

[bout to crash]

I had a guy message me saying exactly that recently
It would have worked except he ended up being shady (long story).
Anyway, I would just keep the conversation going with her until your date (what day is that?) but don't worry too much about the content. Sounds like she is already on the same wavelength or close to it.

[cramx3]

I've got two women I'm talking to and neither seems like my type for the long run, but both are attractive and seem attracted to me. I'm only looking for something fun and physical. I've been talking to one woman for a few days now. She's 35 and divorced. She hasn't asked me many questions about myself. I told her I don't have my shit together, not sure what I'm looking for, working on career, living with parents, usually date younger women (she's 4 yrs older), etc. It was kind of a test to see what she's looking for. She didn't care and applauded my honesty. We're gonna do something this week.  I think I've done a decent job at setting a flirty tone, but that's admittedly not my strong suit. I've said a bunch of times how I want to have fun and not take things too serious, and she agrees coming out of a marriage that wasn't fun.
I think I can pull this off when we finally meet. But what about from now til then? I feel like now that we've agreed to go out, I don't really know what to say to keep the dynamic moving that direction. I've really got nothing to lose in either of these situations. I just find it hard to steer the conversation towards sex. I wish it was as straightforward as, "Wanna commit blasphemy?" 

I'm amazed she continued responding, but honesty does go a long way.  I would say try to get to know her more.  Even if you aren't looking for something serious, it's still nice to try to ask her about her life and try to spark conversations that way. 

[sylvan]

I'm amazed too  . But that was kinda the point. I don't wanna make it seem like I'm only interested in sex. I can see how my post reads like that. She does seem interesting, I'm pretty sure she's from the Philippines, were both into fitness, she's seemingly not uptight like a lot of these people are. I guess I just wanted to be clear with her that I'm not necessarily looking for something serious and we should have a good time with it.

That's why I put the blashpemy thing  . I guess there's an art to knowing your audience, but it does seem logical that someone who would decide it's a good idea to send that as a first message might be shady in someway. You never know unless you find out I guess  .

[cramx3]

So true, for both guys and gals.  That's why I like to meet sooner than later.  I don't like chit chatting with someone who is going to be shady and you can't always tell that from text messages, but you can pick it up much easier in person.

[Chino]

So true, for both guys and gals.  That's why I like to meet sooner than later.  I don't like chit chatting with someone who is going to be shady and you can't always tell that from text messages, but you can pick it up much easier in person.

I'm always one to jump right in, and that goes for everything in the relationship, not just first encounter. I know a couple who's engaged and has yet to live together (not even for religious reasons). Are they insane?

[cramx3]

So true, for both guys and gals.  That's why I like to meet sooner than later.  I don't like chit chatting with someone who is going to be shady and you can't always tell that from text messages, but you can pick it up much easier in person.

I'm always one to jump right in, and that goes for everything in the relationship, not just first encounter. I know a couple who's engaged and has yet to live together (not even for religious reasons). Are they insane?

I don't think so, although I personally think it's a good idea to move in before marriage because that really changes dynamics.  My friend is buying a house and has been with his GF for a year (she still lives with her parents about 40 minutes away).  I ask if he is going to ask her to move in and he says hell no.  I was surprised, but not everyone wants to rush.

[Chino]

Lol. Whether he likes it or not, she's moving in. It'll start with sleepovers a few nights a week and a toothbrush in the bathroom. Next thing he knows, he'll no longer have a closet and there'll be DIY everywhere.