So here's my story (it's a long one). Her name changed for anonymity.
Just over a year ago, I met this girl at our renaissance festival. I guess I'll paint a picture of her before I go any further. She's very unique. She's an alt girl (pastel goth), and she's fucking incredible, smartest person I've ever met, scientist, etc.
She's notoriously inaccessible because of her local popularity, largely due her festival and online presence, as well as her... *ahem* content creation, but I still managed to land myself inside her circle. After meeting her at our festival last year, I joined her discord server, and she hopped into voice chat while I was playing Sea of Thieves. We ended up talking for
hours, and we clicked, like I've never clicked with anyone before.
After texting for a week or so and getting to know each other better, she said she wanted to introduce me to Ted Lasso, as the show was very personal to her. So she invited me over, and we watched it every Thursday, as it was my only free day of the week. Once we hit the season finale, I jokingly (but not really) asked what was next. We started picking out movies and shows I hadn't seen, and that's... well, that's been the last year. With the exception of the times she's gone out of town, we've hung out every week for the past year, watching movies, shows, just hanging out, etc....
That's the quantifiable/documentable aspect of our friendship. Now I'll go more into the intangibles to paint a better picture. I often refer to her as my therapist because of the manner in which she supports me; she and I communicate at a very high level - we're very transparent, vulnerable, and open with each other. We've established a level of trust that I haven't experienced with *anyone.* We often communicate to each other, in one way or another, just how important we are to each other.
There are pages and pages of stuff I could go into, moments I could describe, things that could be articulated, etc. The long and short of it is that I have expressed to her that she is my best friend, and she has expressed the same to me.
This is a good summary, from one of my psych papers.
As is the case with all adults, relationships have come and gone in my life for a multitude of reasons. However, my most recent relationship involves my best friend (who I mentioned in a previous assignment) and has had the greatest impact on my life of any relationship thus far. While we’re not in a romantic relationship, I feel that describing her as my best friend doesn’t quite do our relationship justice to the outside observer. I’ve known her for less than a year, and she has contributed to my growth, health, confidence, self-acceptance, and happiness more than I thought anyone would ever be capable of doing. She challenges me and inspires me, has sparked in me a paradigm shift, and continuously helps me to find a better version of myself.
I let her read this, she cried, and then we spent three hours talking in my car about each other, how we inspire/admire/respect each other, etc.
So here's my struggle. I am deeply in love with her. The problem is, I have every reason to believe she wants a platonic relationship. I think? I don't know. But I'm scared to have "the talk." I don't know when, where, or how, and I don't know that I'm prepared for the "let's be friends" conversation that I believe is likely to follow. I *do* believe that we're close enough that it won't negatively impact the dynamic of our relationship when I tell her. There is also a cruel irony in that she is not only responsible for these feelings, but is the only one capable of helping me navigate through them. Anyway - there's a weight on my chest and there has been for some time.
I have no idea what to do.
tl;dr - I'm in love with my best friend and terrified to tell her as much.
Topic: Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip (Read 287974 times)
